Unusually unusual VK statuses

Get ready for the unusual

Do you consider yourself too open? Time to be a little mysterious! Catch unusual statuses for VK.

It’s not enough to express feelings, you also need to convey them...
“Why simplify everything,” he thought, and again decided to read and not answer.
Alcohol is not the best thing that could happen to us. Strange, how can it happen?
When your literary stock is limited to the words “clear” and “understandable,” somewhere in the world one literature teacher is sad...
Parting as friends is, of course, decent, but inhumane. Loved ones either have to be together or suffer when separated.
People who managed to fall out of love! Did you take any courses or did you never like them?
I visit your VKontakte page more often than my own.
In our society, loving and being together are very often not the same thing.

The strangest statuses

The strangest statuses are a kind of surrealism, which not all people can understand.

White sheet of paper... Black ink. The world is a work written by a long-dead poet.
I want to burn myself so I can start again, so I can rise again like the Phoenix.
Once people meet, they never part. This is a conclusion from the laws of quantum mechanics.
I love science. She can explain literally everything. Even why dumplings, before being cooked, try to take revenge on you by splashing boiling water.
Madness is like blue cheese. Strange, unpleasant for some, for an amateur.
How do you know if you're going crazy? You just become more and more unhappy. You understand more and more that the world is imperfect. More and more often you notice that the food processor is watching you.
If a bulb sprouted in the head, it means the soil was beneficial.
I would fly like a butterfly over the burning battlefields of the First World War.
The Moon always faces the Earth with one side. The same can be said about relationships between people. If you know what I mean. I don't understand.
I don't like rain. Water behaves strangely: it climbs up only to fall. Apparently she keeps trying to kill herself, but she can't. Water samsara.
I'm afraid of people. People are afraid of me. Either war or fragile peace.
It would be scattered into molecules and set off in flight across the endless expanding space, from here to the collapse itself.
Life is like a firefly. There’s a lot of pointless movement and it’s better not to look closely, but from afar it’s even beautiful.

There's no shame in being weird. Only unusual people and eccentrics can change the world for the better! Don't be shy about your quirks and accept yourself for who you are!

Cool and funny statuses about life

If life gives you questions, then “Hey Google” will give you the answers.
The best things in life are free plus shipping and processing.
If life gives you lemons, squirt them into your enemy's eyes.
Life is too short to update WhatsApp statuses
Don't take life too seriously. You will never come out of it alive.
Life is not a fairy tale; if you walk without shoes at night, it means you are drunk.
I hope life is not a joke because I don't understand anything.
Life is a dream! Once you wake up, you will be held accountable for what you did in your dream!
I probably spent a whole year of my life just staring at the refrigerator.
There are only two tragedies in life: one doesn't get what it wants, and the other gets it.
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
Life is too short to try to find your scattered socks in the morning.
How to live on if 1/7 of our lives are Mondays?
Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.
May your life someday be as good as you show it on VKontakte.

We recommend reading a selection of funny quotes and sayings about life that will help you approach problems with humor.

Funny statuses with meaning

For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.
Do you realize that in about 40 years there will be thousands of old ladies with tattoos around us?
Some people are such treasures that you just want to bury them.
You're beautiful until you take your Photoshop trial.
The awkward moment is when you know you shouldn't laugh, but you do.
A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world.
I'm not saying I hate you, but I would temporarily and happily turn off your life support system to charge my phone.
What does love mean? This is when your common sense leaves your body.
Read also: People who like to tell the truth. Everyone. No request
Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history became more important than creating it.
Sometimes it physically hurts to make sarcastic comments.
Dear Google, please stop acting like a GIRL. Please let me finish the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.
Human definition: a creature that cuts down trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE A TREE” on the same paper. Say no to exams!
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia and whoever invented "copy and paste". Thank you guys.
I don't believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who have money.
Dear Google, Thanks for doing most of my homework for me.

Funny statuses about vacation, work, study and school

I need a 6 month vacation, twice a year.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
No, there cannot be a crisis today. The boss is on vacation.
As long as the Unified State Exam exists, there will be prayers in schools.
My job is safe - no one wants it.
I only love my job when I'm on vacation
If you tell your boss you're late for work because of a flat tire, you'll end up with a flat tire the next morning.
The most difficult task children face today is learning good manners without seeing an example.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the risk?
Dear mathematics, please grow up and solve your problems, otherwise I'm tired of solving them for you.
My schedule: study time - 15 minutes, rest - 3 hours.
If school taught us anything, it was to send text messages without looking.
I always give 100% to my work: 13% on Monday, 22% on Tuesday, 26% on Wednesday, 35% on Thursday, 4% on Friday.
If one teacher cannot teach all subjects, then how can one student be expected to study all subjects?
Too busy with work to update my status.

We have collected 305 cool and funny captions for Instagram photos that we advise you to read.

Funny and funny statuses with sarcasm

Don't you know that talking while I'm interrupting is rude?
My wallet is like a cut onion, when I open it I always cry.
I only drink twice: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant and ordering something off the menu, and then looking at the table next to you and being jealous of their order.
When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t speak for a year and a half.
The secret to success is to find out who is to blame for your failures.
Sorry, I can't chat right now. My uncle's cousin's roommate's pet goldfish, the roommate's insurance salesman's best friend, passed away. Maybe next time.
It's hard to post funny statuses when your blood type is negative.
Walking under the moon is the only way to look cool while wiping dog shit off your shoes.
When I'm on my deathbed, I want my last words to be: “I left a million dollars in..., and that's where the sentence ends.
If you can't find the key to success, then change the damn lock.
I wonder what happens when the doctor's wife eats an apple a day?
The more you complain about me, the more I try to annoy you.
I was going to make you a cognac pie, but now I'm drunk and it's just a pie.
Never make the same mistake twice. There are so many new ones. Try something new every day.

Funny statuses with humor

When everything goes the usual way, then you are in the wrong lane.
Every time I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would rise to your ego level and jump to your IQ.
I'm really good at it as long as people don't watch me do it.
Everything you do will always work 100% until you donate blood.
Any room will become a room of fear and panic if you lost your phone in it.
Money can't buy happiness, but it does pay for the internet, which is kind of the same thing.
The easiest way to feel smart is to quote smart and motivational quotes as if they were your own.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I'm still at school.
There are many fish in the sea, but I think there is a hole in my net.
If we are supposed to learn from our mistakes, then why do some people have more than one child?
They say we should pay our taxes with a smile. I tried, but they want cash.
If you stop lying about me, I will stop telling the truth about you.
If swimming is exercise, then why are whales fat?
Always be honest with yourself because you only lie to others!

Funny and positive statuses about children, parents, love

I am so poor that I cannot even pay attention to my poverty.
You will never know what you have until you clean your room.
I'll be back before you say afjkhnfknlfueufuancakhufhjcnk.
When I call a family meeting, I turn off the home Wi-Fi and wait for them all to come running.
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question.
I tried my best to see things from your point of view. But your point of view is stupid.
If you were born in September, it's safe to assume that your parents started the new year with a bang.
I'm not single, just in a long term relationship with fun and freedom.
What does it mean when they give you gifts and money on your birthday? This means you are paid for being born. It's like becoming Kim Kardashian for a day.
Inside every old person lives a young person, but I don’t understand what happened.
Milk is for children, but when you grow up you should drink beer.
I desperately need a fixed income, mine broke.
Status unavailable, please try to reboot again.
I'm going to raise my status. You too focus on your own.
When nothing seems right, then go left.
A little boy asked his father, “Dad, how much does it cost to get married?” The father replied: “I don’t know my son, I’m still crying.”
Try pronouncing the letter "M" without touching your lips.
I used to like my neighbors until they set a password on their Wi-Fi.
I hate it when people suddenly decide to be funny when I drink something. (We recommend reading funny quotes and sayings about women).

For some, the statuses will be from childhood

It’s not at all necessary to look for an explanation for your feelings, because you can choose an unusual status on VK and not think about it anymore...

You may feel sorry for yourself and not dare to do anything. But you will remember the lost opportunity for a very long time, although you could have forgotten about it long ago.
It is better where we are not, the one who is not mine has bigger breasts.
Friendship also has an expiration date. You just have to have time to fix it.
Who said that a fat man is a shapeless creature? It has a shape, round.
If you looked out the window in the morning and saw one in flip-flops and the other in boots, then you need to put on shoes.
Lack of sleep is when the insidious word “sleep” takes on a different meaning.
If you're not from Playboy, it's not so scary. The main thing is that it’s not with “Pensioner”.
Why, as soon as a couple has problems in their relationship, do they have to have a child?!