Funny quotes about children: children's sayings, statuses, phrases

Often children say all sorts of stupid things, but for us adults these stupid things sound very funny. There is nothing more touching than hearing or reading funny children's sayings and phrases. Children's unconventional views on life seem very funny to us adults, but we can learn a lot from them.

We have collected for you the funniest and most outrageous statements from children. Some of them are so funny that they will make you laugh not only to tears, but even to stomach cramps. We read life stories and the series “ Children Speak.”

Nastya, 3.5 years old: - Mom, why did you first teach me to walk and talk, and now you want me to sit and be silent?!

Daughter (3 years 8 months) before going to bed: - Mom, I’ll tell you a scary fairy tale! Once upon a time there was a boy, he was 35 years old, he went to school... - Daughter, this doesn’t happen! People go to school until they are 16-17 years old, no more. Husband: - They told you - it’s a scary fairy tale!!! Daughter: - Well, okay. Once upon a time there lived a boy, he was 16 years old, he went to school... - Well, that’s better! - To the fourth grade!

- Mom, is the phone ringing? - Yes. - And can I call him? - Yes. - So this is the spine.

A daughter (4 years old) asks her mother: “Mom, how old are you?” Mom: - 38. - Show me on your fingers.

Son (5 years old) approaching his father sitting at the computer: - Dad, what game are you playing? — I pay the bills. - You are winning? - No.

A father calls home to inquire about the well-being of his seven-year-old son. - How are you? What's your temperature? - Forty-three... - It can’t be! - Is it true. Mom was just measuring it now. - And what did she say?! — She said: 37 and 6.

Son (6 years old): - Dad, have you seen living mammoths? I was surprised: “They were there a long time ago, I didn’t catch them.” He doesn’t lag behind: “Well, did you at least manage to fight with the Germans?”

The son fell asleep on the sofa. Dad decided to put him in the crib. He carefully took it in his arms, and his son, in a dream, said: “Put it where you took it.”

Three-year-old Arseny asks: “Dad, are you afraid when there’s a thunderstorm in the sky?” - No, son. I'm a man! And you? - And I’m a man when there are fireworks in the sky!

I'm going to a parent meeting. I liked the child’s parting words - “The main thing, mom, don’t trust anyone there!..”

If a person is drowning, you need to throw him an anchor

My daughter (3 years old) and I read a book and look at the pictures. Next, I ask my daughter, pointing to the anchor on the ship: “What is this, do you know?” - Anchor. - What is it for? - If a person is drowning, you need to throw him an anchor. So as not to suffer, apparently...

- Margot, do you have a girlfriend in kindergarten? - Yes! - What is her name? - Seryozha!

On the beach he plays with his new toy - a bow and arrow. He shot and went to look for an arrow, he returned with an arrow but sad. Mom asks: “What happened?” Ivan: “There, my aunt, I fell into a hole and said a hundred, I must aim at her.” I thought for a bit and said: “No, mom, I’m mad at you.”

Let's get ready: - Mom, I will be in the first grade, and Katya (sister) in the fourth?! - Well, yes. “Couldn’t you make us twins?”

A doctor comes to a sick child. He sees his little sister running around the floor barefoot. “Come on, beauty, put on your slippers, otherwise you’ll get sick.” After the doctor leaves, the mother notices that the girl is still running barefoot. — Did you hear what the doctor said? - Yes, he said I was beautiful.

My son (4 years old) has heard a lot of Russian folk tales. We were walking down the street with him, and suddenly he said to me in an excited whisper: Dad, look at the tractor digging Russian soil!

I recently bought Egorik some prunes in white chocolate, and I hand him the open package: “Help yourself.” He looks into it with curiosity, widens his eyes and says: “Dumplings?!” Raw?!

My daughter (10 years old) and I went to see the cartoon Epic, where at the end a girl and a boy kiss. Masha loudly: - Well! And they wrote “0+” at the beginning!!!

- Mom! Where are tampons inserted? Mom, choking on an apple: - Well... how can I tell you... In general, where children come from. Alice, stunned: - Like a stork, or what?

Funny quotes about children

One day I will be grateful that my child has willpower, but it won't be today or in this supermarket. (Unknown)
The beginning of any horror story for parents is the second switching of the TV from the children's channel to any other channel. (Unknown)
The perfect explanation of what parenting is like is trying to get to your feet in a hammock with a full glass of wine without spilling a drop. (Unknown)
In human life, we all have moments when our courage and courage are tested. Laying a white carpet in a house where there are children is one of these moments. (Erma Bombeck)
It's amazing how quickly children learn to drive a car, but still cannot understand a lawn mower, snow blower or vacuum cleaner. (Ben Bergor)
A truly grateful child will, in a matter of minutes, break, lose, spoil, or caress to death any truly good gift. (Unknown)
When your children become teenagers, then it is important to have a dog so that at least someone in the house is happy to see you. (Nora Ephron)
There are three ways to accomplish your plan: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your children from doing it. (Monta Crane)
I want my children to have what I never had growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. (Jarod Kintz)
Sometimes children have temporary hearing problems when they are asked to do something, but they never have stomach problems when something tasty is on the table. (Unknown)
The problem with parent teaching is that the child is always the teacher. (Pedro Carvalho)

We recommend reading quotes about the children of great people.

Well, guys, what can you do to help?

My sister's husband is a man of absolute honesty. Since childhood. The son of a lawyer father and a forensic scientist mother. When a phone call asked to call one of the parents, a five-year-old child answered: “They are not at home.” - Where are they? - Dad is in prison, mom is in the morgue.

Yaroslav (3 years old) went out for a walk with his nanny and noticed how three plumbers were “working magic” over the open hatch, lowered the cable, and consulted. Yarik, breaking away from the nanny, runs towards them. Having arrived, he carefully but busily approaches the repairmen and says the sacramental: “Well, guys, how can I help?”

My son (6 years old) asks: - Mom, when children grow up, do they live separately from their parents? - Yes, son, separately. After thinking a little: - And where will you go?

A wedding is when you pick up a girl to hang out with her and never return her to her parents.

Styopa (6 years old): - Mom, how old are you? - 30. - Is that three tens? - Yeah. Already. Soon I’ll grow old and crawl away to the cemetery. - Mom, what are you talking about! Dad over there is even older than you, and he’s still alive!

We sit and read with Masha (7 years old) a fairy tale about Ali Baba and the robbers. We reached a cave with gold. I, admiring the delights of the colorful design, the abundance of riches, say enthusiastically: “I would take this gilded jug for myself... And what about you, Masha?” The answer was dry and short: “I would take everything out on a gazelle.”

My son is 2 years 6 months old. I brought him to the children's hospital for vaccination. We’re sitting in the vaccination room waiting while my aunt loads the syringe, suddenly he turns to me and says: I’ll wait for you in the car, okay?!

Funny sayings about children

Being a mom is like being under house arrest. You can't go anywhere, including the bathroom, and there's always someone asking what are you doing? (Unknown)
I love it when my kids tell me they are bored. It's as if a woman standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas on how to have a good time. (Unknown)
To me, becoming a mom means your purse will be constantly sticky for the next 16 years of your life. (Nia Vardalos)
When I tell my children that I will do something in a minute, what I really mean is, “Please forget my promises.” (Unknown)
Being a mom means that while you're in the shower, the kids will constantly be knocking on the bathroom door asking for a drink, while dad sits in the kitchen." (Unknown)
There are only two things a child will willingly share: infectious diseases and the age of his mother. (Benjamin Spock)
Buying your child a goldfish is a great way to teach them responsibility within 24 hours. (Conan O'Brien)
Teach your children to spend more time annoying each other. Then they will have less time to annoy you. (Unknown)
If you don't know where your kids are in the house, then turn off your Wi-Fi and watch them slowly emerge. (Unknown)
Don't compare your dog's problems to raising children. Your dog can't say your name 5,000 times in a day. (Unknown)
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy: their parents. (Unknown)
Before I became a parent, I didn't know that I could ruin someone's day just by asking them to put their pants on. (Unknown)

Short phrases about children with humor

Coffee recipe for when you have children. Make coffee, then forget you made it, and then drink it cold. (Unknown)
Having one child makes you a parent. Having two children makes you a judge. (David Frost)
All my kids were having fun and getting along and it was the best 2 and a half minutes of the whole summer. (Unknown)
The truth about parenting is that if you're going crazy, you're probably diagnosed correctly. (Unknown)
Cherish the day you buy a minivan because it will be the last day it will be clean. (Unknown)
Why don't children understand that their sleep is not for them, but for their parents? (Alyson Hannigan)
Having children is like living in a house where no one sleeps, everything is broken, and there is a lot of vomit. (Ray Romano)
If there really is evolution, then why do mothers only have two hands? (Milton Berle)
Children have one kind of stupidity, and adults have another. (Clive Staples Lewis)
Teenagers complain that there is nothing to do and then stay up all night. (Bob Phillips)
I take my children with me everywhere, but they always come home. (Robert Orben)
A child changes your dinner conversation from politics to poop. (Maurice Johnston)
If you like people who do stupid things all the time, then become a parent. (Actress Kelly Oxford)
After the holidays, waking up your kids for the first day of school is almost as much fun as giving birth to them. (Jenny McCarthy)
Having a two year old is like having a blender that you don't have electricity for. (Jerry Seinfeld)
People who say they sleep like babies usually don't. (Actor Leo Burke)
Never underestimate a child's ability to get into big trouble. (Martin Mull)
I just returned from a children's party, after which I was one of the survivors. (Percy French)

Children's funny sayings

Some sayings only children can come up with. Don't expect that you can do the same. These are wonders of children's creativity and imagination. This cannot be duplicated, so just smile as you read.

Dear mathematics, grow up and solve your problems yourself.
I lost in a race because my shoes were tired and didn't want to run.
Mom, I already went swimming tomorrow.
Grandma, how did this wine go to your head if it falls into your stomach when you drink?
The skeleton keeps us on our feet. If there was no skeleton, then the meat would fall to the ground.
People don't have tails because they invented newspapers to keep flies away.
In winter, you need to feed forest animals so that they are tasty in spring.
A rooster differs from a hen in that it has spurs, crows, and hates eggs.
To avoid infection, you need to wash all fruits and do not eat in the same bowl as your dog.
After we inhale, we put our lips aside.
Mineral springs are springs in which salt, sugar, milk and other medicines are dissolved.
Primitive people fed on the mother of nature.
Mushrooms are edible and poisonous, so they have something to say in the household.
The respiratory system is used to remove the lungs from the body.
There are many predators in the desert that can devour, strangle and abandon people.
The smallest part of the body is the finger.
There are different trees growing in the forest, namely: tall, medium and small.
Penguins can't fly because they don't have propellers.
A rabbit consists of a head, legs, belly and a sheepskin coat.

And what pearls do your children show? Share the wonders of their creativity in the comments. We also recommend reading 130 beautiful aphorisms about children with deep meaning.

Funny statuses about children

Children really decorate the house. They never turn off the lights. 90% of parents think about when they can go back to sleep.
No one is as hungry as a child who has been told it is time to go to bed.
I live in a madhouse, where everything is controlled by a tiny army, which I myself gave birth to.
Sometimes mom's voice is so loud that even the neighbors rush to brush their teeth and get dressed.
The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest.
When you become a mother, the only work schedule available to you is a 24/7 shift.
Teenagers are always too tired to hold a rag, but they are never tired of holding a phone.
Children are like fruits: before they become spoiled, they become sweet.
The easiest way to shop with kids is to not shop.
A little girl is sugar, spice and everything good, especially when she sleeps.
I love cleaning up messes I didn't make. That's how I became a mother.
The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow a little from it.
75% of each parent's daily calories probably come from licking knives alone.
I don't want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband. (We recommend reading the list of funny statuses for Instagram).

Conclusion

There are words that describe a child so well that you want to consider it the motto of your life. Funny quotes about children are an example of such truths revealed, but in a fun way.

Someone once said that motherhood without a sense of humor is like being an accountant without skills. Every parent needs a smile, so here we have collected the funniest quotes and statuses to brighten the mood of every parent.

Do you have a funny quote, status or saying for parents about children? Then share them in the comments.

Happy childhood

A friend's daughter got sick. To bring down the temperature of the kids, they rub it with vodka, but the father of the family does not drink, and the only alcohol at home was a gift bottle of Chinese vodka with a snake. When they began to rub the child, a terrible cadaverous smell came from the liquid. The mother got scared and began shouting to her husband: “Throw out this dead thing!” The girl began to cry: “No need, mommy, maybe I’ll still survive.” When they laughed it off, I had to explain for a long, long time that they loved her and would never throw her away.

A five-year-old girl says to her mother, who was trying on a new fur coat: “Mommy!” How beautiful you are in this fur coat! “Really?..” Mom was delighted. - Is it true. You look like a shepherd in it!

I say with a sigh: - Well, soon I will turn 33 years old... Daughter: - Yes, and I’m already nine.

- Mom, when I was born, how did you know that my name was Dima?

Maryana (4 years old): - Mom, let's go to the store! - No, daughter, there is no money. - Go to the ATM, he will give you money!

Yesterday my daughter (3 years 10 months) taught me an educational program: The Groom is the one who buys ice cream and kisses, and the Husband is the one who nails the shelves at home and eats.

The eldest son is 6 years old, the youngest is 2 months old. Mom changes the youngest one, and the older one looks at him and says: “Oh, mom, he’s all white, like me!” Can you imagine what would have happened if Tyoma had been born with black skin and black hair? “I can’t imagine,” I say. - You'd be screwed, mom!

Grandma dug up my childhood jewelry box. My daughter (4.5 years old) looks at all this plastic and shell wealth with admiring eyes and asks: “Mom, was this all yours?!” - Yes. - God, what a happy childhood you had...

My eldest daughter once said, looking in the mirror: “What a big head I have, there’s probably a lot of brain there!” And the younger one tells her: “In the past, computers were big, too, but they worked very slowly.”

When I was little, we were getting ready to go to kindergarten, but my son was stubborn and didn’t want to wear warm pants. Me: Do you want to leave your mother without grandchildren? Previously, everything was explained about keeping warm. He, sighing: Well, only for the sake of the grandchildren!