Laughing statuses about medicine
Doctor's urine is bread...
The operation was successful. It’s a pity that the patient doesn’t know about this...
The main task of paid medicine is to transform acute pain into chronic pain.
Diagnosis: “Disorder of the pornomotor system.”
One head is good, but two is already a pathology.
The first rule of an ambulance doctor is that the later he arrives, the more accurate the diagnosis!
The medical term for the syndrome “gray hair in the head, devil in the rib”: - Pre-infarction maleism...
I love annoying people. – Midwife status.
The successes of medicine are obvious: people do not die from many diseases, but only suffer.
I took the pill that the doctor prescribed for me. Now I’m sitting and wondering: a dinosaur really has taken up residence in the kitchen or is this still a side effect.
Gynecologist to dentist: It’s not your job to pick your teeth...
The patient asks the doctor: - What does it mean in my diagnosis: C.E.Z.? - The devil knows.
Cunning and cunning doctors - first they ask where it hurts, and then they put pressure there.
For a long time, doctors have tried all medicines on themselves. This is why tinctures and balms are made with alcohol.
Doctors are people who sometimes draw a life line on their palm.
Special offer from Sochi doctors - ultrasound with a monkey!
After graduating from medical school, I began to be afraid of doctors... especially, bitch, my fellow students!
What a terrible disease this is - chronic fat-ass!
I fell in love with the doctor and confessed rashly. He said: go home and calm your nerves.
Hemorrhoids are not worth the trouble.
Anesthesia is a means of protecting the surgeon from the advice of the patient during surgery.
Bad surgeons make good pathologists
The doctors went to the demonstration in vain. None of the government officials could read their demands on the posters.
There are no healthy people! there are under-examined ones!
The grandson, who spent the whole summer with his grandmother in the village, measures blood pressure better than the local doctor.
Classmates. Surgeon's page. Status: Left for surgery, I'll post pictures later.
Good health is when you only go to the pharmacy to buy condoms...
Hospital treatment is expensive, but where else can you get breakfast in bed?
It became interesting to me: most doctors in the world consider alcoholism to be a disease, but not a single creature will write out a sick leave.
Look at the world from a different angle. Osteochondrosis.
What kind of mud is not mistaken for healing!
It’s really scary when a student’s card falls out of the surgeon’s pocket during an operation.
Sex is just contact between mucous membranes!
We, surgeons, have so many enemies in this world... - And how many in the next!
You have a speech impediment! You stutter and cannot pronounce the letter R. Cyclopentaneperhydrophenanthrene is for you - ASK AT THE CITY PHARMACIES!
A doctor must have the gaze of a falcon, the hands of a girl, the wisdom of a snake and the heart of a lion. Avicenna
Blood and urine - everything for the doctor!
It's good when you have flora in your intestines. It's worse when there is fauna there.
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Poems about honey
Honey is useful, that’s for sure, And it sits firmly in the mind, It’s a delicious medicine, Well, with tea it’s just a dish. Iris Review ***** Bees collect honey from flowers all day, starting in the morning. Although the bees don’t know it, some of their honey will be eaten by the children. Kondratyev S. ***** There is honey in a jar in the pantry... They told me: “Winter will come, Honey will come in handy in the cold.” But when will winter come? There is honey in a jar in the pantry... But it will wait until winter, But I, of course, can’t stand it, And I ate a third of the jar. There is honey in a jar in the pantry... Everything gives me no peace. No one managed to notice, and I ate a little more. There's honey in a jar in the pantry... But I'm still lucky. Winter is in no hurry, And the honey in the neck is all itchy. There is honey in a jar in the pantry... And a snowstorm is blowing outside the window... Only I know for a reason that the jar is completely empty There was honey in a jar in the pantry... Someone will definitely get it... Sibirtsev V.***** All bears know, There are no sweeter words on the entire planet than these: Honey, honey, honey! Sweeter than chocolate, Sweeter than marmalade. Sweeter than refined sugar Honey, honey, honey! It is so viscous, Tasty and sticky The very best Honey, honey, honey! It is collected with love, Important for health I am ready to eat it all year round! Emelyanova O. ***** - Where have you been? - Here and there! - Where did you fly? - By colors! -What did you bring home? - Honey! - answered the bee. ***** A bee buzzes merrily, sits on a flower, so that you and I can enjoy the delicious honey! Honey is healthy and aromatic. Bears like shaggy ones. I’m writing a letter to a bee, and in the letter I’m buzzing, buzzing, buzzing, I’ll order her some honey! Trope V. ***** This is how nature works: Without bees there is no honey in nature, Without flowers there are no bees - I learned this a long time ago! Summer won't be long to wait, Come quickly little bee, Give me two kilograms of honey from each flower. ***** Valleys and valleys conspired to bloom in a riot of July colors. So much honey! Will the bees have time to collect everything and carry it on their wings? What a hurry! How they fall to the heated stamens of flowers! How their sweet heaviness throws them onto the hum of the cramped entrances! ***** Only in the summer every year The bees carry honey into the hives. Golden, fragrant, sweet... Isn't it for you guys? It contains medicines, vitamins for colds and sore throats. Do you want to be strong? So, you should love honey! A garden in bloom and a meadow in bloom... In honey their pollen, nectar is the most delicious, the best gift of all our nature. What else can I tell you, children, if it aroused your interest? There are many miracles in the world! HONEY is a miracle of miracles! Tolstoy D. ***** Zhu-zhu-zhu, I hear with my ear. Ju-ju-ju, the bee buzzes. Bee, this is not a fly for you, Bee brought you honey. She flew over the flowers, and collected pollen from them, circled over the little garden, and brought honey to you for the little one. Honey is useful, it is healing, it heals the heart and stomach. Very tasty and magical, Even the bear loves honey. The bee worked all day, Everything flies like an airplane, And already stands on the shelf, The freshest, May honey. ***** Collecting nectar from flowers is a rare gift of bees. “Winter will come. There is ice on the windows, and fragrant honey on the table.” The most generous gift of nature The honeycomb sparkles with amber, It smells like a field, it smells like a meadow. Honey is the merit of bees! Sibirtsev V. ***** The bee has a lot of worries! Only in the morning the sun has risen, And the bee is already at work, Collecting juice in the flowers! He will collect two baskets, take them to the beehive house, and again fly to the meadow - So all day, circle after circle. Where can I sing like a dragonfly, an Egoza Dancer! You need to pour honey into the honeycombs and put them on the shelves! So it flies all summer, storing amber honey. So that in winter you too, my friend, can enjoy them! ***** I’m interested to know: What does a bee look for in flowers? They say he is looking for honey. When he finds it, he takes it home. And I also love honey. Maybe I can find it too? First I started looking in the poppies, but found nothing! And then I looked in the daisies, But I walked around in vain: I didn’t find anything, Even though I walked around the whole flowerbed! Maybe I'm unlucky, Everything has been collected here a long time ago? I went to the carnations, There was no honey - I couldn’t find it! I looked at every flower - there was no honey, someone had eaten it. I walked around like that until evening and found nothing. Maybe I was looking in the wrong place? Maybe he was in a hurry? Or maybe the flowers didn’t make honey? Or were the bees flying here and collecting every last drop? I'm probably late! Tomorrow I’ll get up earlier, I’ll go around all the flowers, but I’ll get honey for myself! Silina N. ***** The bee says: “Ju-zhu, I’ll show you the house.” It is now full of work: It is necessary to make honeycombs by the deadline, So that later for a whole year To store healing honey. And again: “Ju-zhu, zhu-zhu, I’ll tell you everything later.” It’s time for me to continue my work - I flew for honey. ***** As soon as the cherry blossomed, a bee flew into the garden. I've been watching her for a long time, She's looking for honey: Zhu-Zhu! ***** Bee Zhuzha is circling in the field, circling, buzzing merrily. Bee Zhuzha is friends with the field, Zhuzha guards the field. Zhuzha knows that in the field, Sweet honey is ripening. By his own will, the bee will collect everything down to the last drop. It will collect fragrant nectar and fly around all the flowers. When the fluffy snow comes, it will treat you with sweet honey. Biganina Zh. ***** A bee was sitting on a flower. I approached her with a friend and asked politely: “Bee, have you collected a lot of honey?” The bee buzzed angrily: “I don’t have enough honey, not enough, not enough... Don’t pester me, otherwise I’ll sting you!” And we, of course, ran away. What a greedy bee! She didn’t give me a drop of honey... ***** Mishka, Mishka! Where have you been? - I guarded the honey in the forest. The bees circled merrily and offered honey to Mishka. He returned home with a jar of honey, barely alive... - Here's honey for you, you have a sweet tooth, You can eat it for a whole year... Osenskaya O. ***** In the summer, bees have a whole day to collect nectar. It's not too lazy to collect nectar. They'll take it later. The hive has its own wonderful home. A bee is buzzing over a flower and is in a hurry to collect nectar. All the nectar that the bee collects turns into honey. ***** It’s terrible heat in the clover meadow. The buzzing of bees can be heard here in the morning. There is one concern for all of the working bees: Collect more honey and hide it in the pantries. The honeycomb is filled to the brim with amber honey. The fruits of such work are necessary for all people. It’s not in vain, it’s not in vain that the family of furry bees tried, so that She, and you, and I, could enjoy the honey! Klyuchkina N. ***** In the morning the bees will wake up, Then they will comb their bangs, They will wash themselves over the puddle And they will spin around the forest. He who respects bees, who does not pester them, they do not sting him, they bring honey to him. ***** – Where are you in a hurry, bee? - Sorry, we have work to do! Every little flower is waiting for me from morning to night, so that in exchange for fruit I can give my pollen for honey, Sweet honey, useful for all diseases. Konaeva O. ***** Product of bee labor, I am useful to all people. The one who loves sweets will always be healthy... (Honey) ***** The bear feeds its babies Sweet honey, like candy. - Open your mouth, Toptyzhka, and get some buckwheat honey! Golbert A. ***** The bee is a hard worker creating, Lazyly it flows from a spoon, So it asks for our mouth Thick, amber, sweet (Honey) ***** The bear composes an ode entitled “Glory to honey!” And he scribbles, like a machine gun, a hundred-meter verse about honey: “Glory to golden honey, generously poured into a barrel, in a saucer, in a vase, glory, honey! Hail sandwich with honey! Glory, honey, in a pot and in a jar, In a cake and on a casserole, In milk and in a pie, On pancakes and in cottage cheese. Hail, honey, with hot tea! Honey with pumpkin is amazing! The lemon is sweeter and sour with it. About a million times. Honey is always held in high esteem, in fashion, and everything in honey is held in high esteem - pear, apple, banana, even blue eggplant. And the cookies are decorated with honey to the point of insanity. Honey, you are worthy of poems! All. I’ll go eat you.” Uncle G.
FAQ
A personal medical assistant is a service for medical industry professionals: clinics, doctors and medical agents, which will help select a treatment option using a neural network in a few minutes and quickly refer patients to leading specialists for consultations, operations or high-tech diagnostics. If you are referred for paid treatment, you will receive a reward, as a rule, in the amount of 10% of the cost of the entire treatment (there are certain exceptions, for example, treatment under compulsory medical insurance). The service has an up-to-date database of the most reputable and trusted doctors in various fields, including the cost of appointments, surgeries and other medical procedures.
No, this is a service for selecting treatment based on a neural network and direct routing of patients. In order to select treatment options and refer the patient, simply write your request in the chat. A personal medical assistant can ask you clarifying questions and, after making sure that he has understood you correctly, will offer 3-4 current treatment options.
You can also use the search bar if you know exactly the specific medical procedure, doctor's name, or the name of the clinic your patient needs. Click on the appropriate button and fill out a simple referral form (at least last name, first name and telephone number).
After the referral is completed, the personal medical assistant will receive consent to process the patient’s personal data via SMS. Without this, according to the law “On the Protection of Personal Data of the Russian Federation,” it is impossible to issue a referral.
When consent is received, the referral is instantly sent directly to the appropriate clinic assistant or specialist, who will call the patient back within 15-30 minutes on weekdays to arrange an appointment time.
If you have registered for the service, then from that moment the patient is assigned to you, and your reward will be 10% of the cost of all paid treatment (there are some exceptions, for example, treatment under compulsory medical insurance).
Certainly! We provide all partners with constant support from our medical consultants by phone, chat and instant messengers. We will not only explain in detail how the service works and how to use it more effectively, but we are also ready to advise in real time what treatment can be offered or which specialist can be recommended. Write your request directly to the chat and see for yourself!
If the request is accurate, the options will appear in the chat within a few minutes. If the case is not standard, it may take longer. MedStatus sends an SMS notification to registered users when options are selected.
This service is intended for doctors and professional medical agents, not for patients
Yes, you can call a private ambulance in Moscow directly through chat, including an intensive care team. MedStatus will also help organize the patient’s hospitalization in a private or public clinic in Moscow and St. Petersburg.
