PARTNER
/* Bus number 13. Fedya rides, thinking about lofty things. He's being distracted */
“Citizen, give way, stand up.” If I get up, you will lie down with me.
“Citizen, these places are specially for children and disabled people. “What is she, children or disabled people, huh?” -She is preparing to become a mother. “And I’m getting ready to become a father!”
/* Shurik rushes to defend justice. Disguised as a blind and disabled man wearing black glasses */
-Law is law.
“Oh, are you sighted?!” Now you'll be blind!
/* Fedya was taken to the department. Three witnesses. And Shurik is the victim */
“So you work at a construction site?” “I’m working part-time.” “What do you mean I’m working part-time?” - I study at the Polytechnic. - Student…
FOR FIFTEEN DAYS
/* Comrade policeman announces orders */
“Well, citizens are alcoholics, hooligans, parasites... Who wants to work today? A?!
- Outfits for today: Sand quarry - two people... Sand quarry - two people! - Announce the entire list, please.
―Sand quarry—two people. Street cleaning - three people. Meat processing plant /* all volunteers are stepping forward */... didn’t send any outfits for today.
/* Fedya knows what he wants... But not today */
“There is an order for the construction of a residential building. Cement factory! - Isn’t there a liquor store?
At a construction site
/* Getting to know the manual. Pavel Stepanovich burns with a verb */
“First of all, I want to introduce you to our wonderful team, which you are temporarily joining. How much does a friend join? - Fully, fifteen. -Yeah. One and a half decades. This is amazing. Well, all the best, goodbye. - Don’t be late for lunch!
-Cork! A gift from Africa.
/* Pavel Stepanovich shows Fedya the construction site and draws perspectives */
“With the power of your imagination, imagine what a wonderful residential area will be created here.
“And if we take the entire volume of work performed by our SMU floor by floor, we will get a building that will be twice as tall as the world famous Eiffel Tower. “Or three times higher than the famous Notre Dame de Paris... which means Notre Dame Cathedral. - Which mother? - Parisian. God... mother.
/* Pavel Stepanovich continues to rock, but Fedya saw something more interesting */
“Our construction and installation department has built an amount of residential space that is equal to one city like Chita, ten cities like Khvalynsk, or thirty-two Kryzhopoly. It’s breathtaking to think that...
-...Than in America.
/* Shurik! Here's your partner. Finally, Pal Stepanych */
- Well, now let's get to work. - Let's work together.
/* Fedya starts from afar. Shurik didn’t understand right away */
“Listen, have you ever had any accidents at a construction site?” “No, there haven’t been any yet... “There will be!” Pshli...
/* Fedya’s first pancake is lumpy. It was not possible to wall up Shurik */
-What's there? “Shhh...
“Listen, where have you been, I’m running around you all over the building.” The work is worth it. “The work is worth it, but the deadline is ticking.” Don’t forget, your accounting is in rubles, mine is in days.
/* Pavel Stepanovich does not forget about the newcomer */
- Well, Shurik, how is your partner? - He is being re-educated. -Great. Why in a whisper? - Asleep. - Sleeping?
“At a time when our spaceships are roaming the expanses of the Universe...
“And it’s not for nothing that all continents applaud the workers of our great ballet.
“Folk wisdom teaches: patience and work will grind everything down - one, finished the job, go for a walk boldly - two, you can’t pull a fish out of the pond without labor - three, work is not a wolf, go to the forest... no, no, this is not necessary.
/* But Fedya is not ready to re-educate and answers frankly: */
- By the way!
DINNER
- And the compote?!
/* Comrade policeman monitors hygiene. Fedya is ready to start */
-Hands! -A?! - Washed? “Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes...
-Bon appetit! ―Yyyyyyyy!!!
/* While Shurik adds kefir, Fedya finishes the kebab and philosophizes */
“I say, whoever doesn’t work, eats!” Learn student!
“Understand, student, now we need to be gentler with people.” And look at the questions more broadly. Do you think they gave me fifteen days? Mmm? They gave US fifteen days. And for what? So that you conduct explanatory work among me, and I grow above myself! Well, okay, come on, bay to me, like spaceships plow... /* yawns */ Bolshoi Theater. And I'll sleep.
-Right! And drive away the flies.
SHURIK AND FEDYA TOOK DECISIVE MEASURES
/* Shurik is stuck. But not for long */
“Oh, you’re in trouble, you bespectacled guy?!” /* Kicks */ This is only an advance! Well, that's it now! Well, student, get ready! Soon you will be wearing a wooden mackintosh, and music will be playing in your house. But you won't hear it!
/* Decisive attack using available materials. An engineer! */
- Stop! I'll kill you, student!
/* Shurik’s cunning plan - wallpaper, glue, and a spanking tool */
“Are you going to beat me?” -No. -And what? - Conduct explanatory work.
/* Necessary cruelty... */
- Shurik! Shurik, are you a Komsomol member? -A? - This is not our method! Where is the humanism? Where is man to man? Understand, Shurik, at a time when spaceships, as you know, roam... “What’s your name?” “Fedya, and you are Shurik.” - Married? -Yes. Wife Lyubushka and two children, Lenochka and Alyoshka. “So there is a family.” How old are you? -Forty one. - Oh... - Maybe it’s not necessary, Shurik? I won't do it again, eh? - No... It is necessary. You must Fedya, you must! -Mother Mother Mother…
/* The next day */
“Well, the citizens are alcoholics, parasites, hooligans. Who wants to work? -I!!!
- Just wait, citizen! You are wearing a personal outfit for all fifteen days. Take it!
Quotes from the movie "The Diamond Arm"
“Only aristocrats or degenerates drink champagne in the morning!”
“I need to take a bath, drink a cup of coffee...
“You will have a bath, you will have coffee, you will have cocoa and tea!” Go!"
Still from the film “The Diamond Arm”, 1968.
“Just don’t fuss: ice cream for the child, flowers for his woman. Be careful, don’t get confused, Kutuzov!”
Still from the film “The Diamond Arm”, 1968.
“As our dear chef says, even teetotalers and ulcer sufferers drink at someone else’s expense!”
“Fedya, game!”
“Will you go for game?”
“I’ll be game!”
“And the game?
“The game won’t fly away, it’s fried.”
Still from the film “The Diamond Arm”, 1968.
OBSESSION
/* Check connection */
- Ticket number seven. First question. The operating principle of the synchrophasatron. Kostya, how is your audibility? How can you hear? How can you hear me? Reception. - Got it, got it. I can hear you normally, I can hear you normally. I answer the first question of the seventh ticket. The operation of the synchrophasotron is based on the principle of accelerating charged particles by a magnetic field... all right. Go ahead.
/* Shurik searches for notes and distracts Dub from his work */
-Oak! Do you have a summary? “There are no notes, there are no notes!” Don't interfere! -What are you listening to? ―Van Cliburn! Go!
/* Shurik fell on the tail of a girl with a NOTE */
“Hello, Aunt Zoya!” Please give me the key. -You have an exam today! “Another three whole hours.” For now, my friend and I will work out.
/* Dinner */
- Mustards! -Yes!
/* It’s hot... They take off their clothes */
- Stuffiness... - Uh-huh. “Don’t turn it over!”
- It's time! -Yes.
EXAM
/* Players */
-Get a ticket. “Professor, can I have more?” -Please. “Hhh... More.” - Take it. -To myself. -What do you mean to yourself? “Oh, sorry, professor...” “No, you’ll forgive me that.” Come next time. “Too much...
/* Genius inventor */
“One, two, three, I’m giving you a test... Kostya, can you hear me?” Three-two-one, over.
- Hello, professor. -Hello. What's wrong with you? -Ear aches. “Won’t this bother you?” “No, no, professor, don’t worry. On the contrary, it helps. No noise will distract you from the exam.
/* The professor points to the flower in his buttonhole */
-What is this in connection with? Are you celebrating some kind of holiday today? - An exam is always a holiday for me, professor! /* Tears */ ―/* Tears too */ Commendable...
-Ticket number nine. Welcome! -What did you say? -What? -What “Reception”? “I didn’t say “Reception”, but “In front of him.” Ticket number nine, and with it a task.
/* The professor is also ready for the exam */
- Oak, can you hear me? How can you hear me? Burdock didn't guess? I am dictating the answer to the first question of the ninth ticket. So, so...
/* There is interference on the line! The professor plays hard */
-What's wrong with you? “There’s a shooting in my ear.” -... Ha ha ha... - So it’s like that! I give “five” for the invention, and “fail” for the subject matter. “Ha-ha-ha... /* both laugh */
“The professor, of course, is a mug, but the equipment is with him, mm, with him, mm!” How can you hear?
Finally meeting
/* Shurik passed. On "five". And suddenly I saw... */
-Who is this? -Where? - There. Floating... “Oh, so this is Lidka from a parallel stream.” -Lida... Amazing girl. Why have I never seen her before? “Do you want me to introduce you?”
/* Shurik walked Lida home. To get through a dog, you need a distraction */
“Do you happen to have any sausage with you?” - Yes, only the doctorate. -Let's. Was a doctorate, became an amateur. -What is this? -Hypnotic. -A! But she didn’t... “Well, it’s completely harmless!” Well, let's get started. Bobik!
“Well, in three minutes a deep, healthy sleep will come.” Here you are. /* The dog spat out all the pills, the sly one */
/* Saving from Rex, Shurik tore his trouser leg. We’ll have to go up to Lida’s apartment */ /* Rex’s owners are arguing at this time */
-Well, how could you leave things without anyone? “Rex is there, and Rex will never move away from things. And I have a sore throat. -Throat. -Throat. - And the head? - And the head. - No brains. - No brains.
In Lida's apartment
/* Deja vu? Shurik began to read poetry. But deja vu has not disappeared anywhere */
“People can’t help but be moved by the boy’s stubborn ardor.” This is how Pushkin fell in love, it must be like this... /* saw a comb */ “What’s wrong with you?”
“No, nothing... Where did I stop?” - On Pushkin. -Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Pushkin! There are miracles there, a goblin wanders there, a mermaid... “Wait, wait, what mermaid, Sasha?” -hanging on the branches... lying.
“I think you were overstudying.” - No, I didn’t re-study. I have something else.
/* He pulled back the curtain - and behind it was a jug. Was! */
-Sasha! So you are a telepath!!! Wolf Messing!
/* Testing the theory. Guess the wish on a piece of paper. Kiss Lida! */
―U-u-guessed? -Almost...
/* The mystery remains unsolved */
Quotes from the film “Ivan Vasilyevich changes his profession”
“Do you drink vodka?
- Anise.
- So. Anisova, unfortunately, no. Stolichnaya. Drink!
-Taste from my cup!
- Why is this? Do you think that I want to poison you? This is not accepted here. And in our age it’s easier to poison yourself with sprat than with vodka.”
Still from the film “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes His Profession”, 1973.
“The king wants to have a meal!”
“Wait a minute! At whose expense is this banquet? Who will pay?
Still from the film “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes His Profession”, 1973.
“Twisted hare kidneys, pike heads with garlic, black and red caviar. Overseas caviar - eggplant! Beauty!"
Still from the film “Ivan Vasilyevich Changes Profession”, 1973
Operation Y"
Kolkhoz market. Trinity lights up
/* A coward sells out culture */
“Citizens are new settlers!” Introduce culture! Hang rugs on dry plaster! No modernism! No abstractionism! Protects walls from dampness and protects you from rheumatism! Come on, hurry up, buy paintings!
“I recommend the classic story - The Mermaid, based on the opera of the same name. Music by Dargomyzhsky, words by Pushkin. “It’s damp!” -One minute! There is a completely neutral plot. Recommended even for use in children's institutions. A?
/* The dunce brings sweet joy to children in the form of candy */
“Will you listen to mom and dad - “Will you eat CANDY!”
/* And Experienced rules the business process */
- Roll up! There is a matter.
-Where is this damn disabled person? -Do not be noisy! I am disabled.
/* Director of the base Petukhov S.D. */
“This is what we have today. - Not us, but you. -What can save us from an audit? - Sorry, not us, but you. “Only theft can save us from an audit.”
-With or without burglary? - Well, naturally, with a break-in.
/* The Criminal Code of the RSFSR is a book that is always with me */
―Article 89, paragraph 2. Up to six years. No, it won't work.
/* The director explains that everything is simple. If it’s simple, why don’t you do it yourself? */
“So there won’t be any theft.” - Everything has already been stolen before us.
/* But Trinity wants to find out what's what */
“Don’t worry, Comrade Director, people want to figure out what’s what.” -It `s naturally. - Legal. “This is a new, unexplored matter for us. - Exactly. Undeveloped. “Tell me, please, but this event... or, as it were, it’s better to say, an operation... “Y”! Operation Y"! - Why “Y”? Why "Y"? - So that no one guesses. -Idiot.
/* Operation details */
“First of all, we need to neutralize the guard. - Sorry, not for us, but for you. - No, this time it’s for you!
―The watchman is gently chloroformed and restrained without causing bodily harm. Legally, this whole operation is just petty hooliganism. And keep in mind that for all this petty hooliganism I am paying big money.
/* On the night of the operation, Grandma God's Dandelion will be on duty. Blank cartridges */
-Any questions? -Sum? -Three hundred!
-This is not serious!
“I’ll make more money from mermaids!” - The chickens laugh!
- Stop! Your conditions? -Three hundred thirty! -Agree. -To each! -Agree.
Rehearsal. In the director's barn. It's hard to walk
- Well, here you are. You had to approach the old woman as a passer-by and attract her attention with a simple natural question. What did you ask? -"How do I get to the library?" -At three o'clock in the morning?! Idiot.
- Well, what should you have done? -Stay on guard. Show up before the police in the form of a squad if the old lady whistles. “Did the old lady whistle?” “No-no.” “So what are you up to?!” Blockhead! -Agree.
-And you? Cretin, you should not have stolen these bottles, but broken them! - Break?! - Break it. -Half liter? -Half liter. - To pieces?! - Of course, to pieces. “Yes, I’ll thank you for this...
“Let’s all get to our places.” Let's go through it one more time.
The house of the old lady - God's dandelion
/* to the tune of bay-bayushka-bayu */
“I brought you money for the apartment for January.” “Thank you, okay, put it on the chest of drawers!”
SONG
“Wait, locomotive, don’t knock the wheels...
-Can you tell me what time it is? -Are you crazy? “It’s hard at school, but it’s easy at work.” “Train over there, on it...” “Okay.”
“Don’t wait, mom…
-Can you tell me how many degrees below zero it is now? “What, what?.. What are you doing?” -I practice. - Train better... on cats.
OPERATION Y HAS STARTED
/* Shurik replaced Mary Ivanna on duty. And everything started spinning... */
“If something happens, whistle.”
/* The coward encountered a problem and failed to cope. There is one, two remain... */
-Granny! Do you have a cigarette? -What? - Where’s grandma?.. - I’m for her.
/* In the store - Dunce and Shurik */
-Who are you? - Watchman. -Where is grandma? - I'm for her. -Where is the exit? -There. Hands up! -In! /* The dunce doesn't give up! */.
/* Duel Shurik vs Goonies. There are two, one remains */ /* Shurik blows the whistle. Experienced has arrived */
-Who whistled? -I! -Where is grandma? -And who are you? “I’m a vigilante!” And you? - Watchman. Let's knit this one. - This?
-Damn! The plunderer of socialist property! Ooh, bastard!
“Run, call the police, and I’ll keep watch.” -Yeah. If something happens, whistle.
/* The coward has woken up */
-Can you tell me where the toilet is? - Found the time! -Thank you!..
/* Final battle. Shurik vs Experienced */ /* Shurik won with his intellect, but he himself fell victim to chloroform */ /* Mary Ivanna came and finished the job */
