Phrases from the movie "Garage"
The collection includes quotes and phrases from the film “Garage”:
I thought that you were a great scientist, but you are an elementary owner! Ugh!
But he won’t get down! He lies in protest!
Comrades, I am not so stupid as to keep the keys to myself in the company of such noble people, comrades. I hid them in a safe place.
Did I really allow myself to do that at the front? I wasn’t afraid of a damn thing there! And here, because of this lousy garage... There is such a hackneyed phrase: “I wouldn’t go on reconnaissance with him.” So today I wouldn’t go on reconnaissance with myself!
Only members of the cooperative have the right to sleep on the presidium table.
Even if you are elected academician, the animals will not stop getting sick. They need to be treated.
Well, comrades, who is for that... (Everyone raises their hands.) Ha-ha, for what?!
You can go the legal route. It's difficult to get there.
My incorruptible one, to betray in time is not to betray. This is to foresee!
A husband is optional for today. The main thing for a woman is children.
We decided to pay for the cost of the coat of one of the board members, which was destroyed while establishing contacts with telephone-free residents. I mean the coat, not the board member.
Don't touch the Sumatran monkey! This is the only copy in our country!
The crane operator was paid a bonus, which was carried out strictly according to the estimate as payment for a day watchman. The day caretaker was paid strictly according to the estimate as laying asphalt, and the work on laying asphalt was paid strictly according to the estimate as landscaping work.
His wife is sick, and my fiancee is healthy! I am for!
Who's against it? The vast minority!
What can I steal from the market? Scales? White coat? Counter?
He needs a garage somewhere between Tomsk and Khabarovsk. He will drive around the taiga in his Zhiguli and check whether the macaques are fulfilling their quarterly plan.
I am against anarchy. I am for order and discipline. I'm from the majority. Everything depends on people like me!
Turn that fish off, damn it!
I can undress myself, without outside help. I'm just afraid it won't be enjoyable for those present.
You, as you put it, open the door, and who will guard these priceless exhibits? Our hippopotamus is one hundred and twenty years old!
Where is the key?! Where is the key, my lousy?!
The head of the insect department gives it! I was chasing butterflies!
Girls, don't quarrel!
May you draw a cross!
We won't give you the keys! We are not your pinocchio!
What doesn't happen in biology! Mom and daughter sat at the same desk at school!
People! People! People!
Comrade groom, you have made a grave mistake. It was necessary to finish all the business with the bride first, and only then go to the meeting.
Be silent! Enough! Attention! One is tearing up papers, another is lying on the table, the third is throwing hysterics, talking about apple trees! Private owner!
As far as I understand, my half-asleep ones, the meeting continues spontaneously? Well, let's continue the debate.
Don't be a fool, you're musical! You can go crazy! Why did you look bloated at night?!!
My dear, you have the right.
While I’m running around here, she’ll easily marry someone else! I know her!
Yes, I will turn your stunted Moskvich into a Mercedes!
Comrades, who is in favor of searching me?
My haberdashery! The board has discredited itself.
A camel has two humps because life is a struggle.
Do you prefer to sleep standing up like a war horse?
No, comrades, we cannot have good work. It can be satisfactory or unsatisfactory.
If a woman with such external characteristics fights for the truth, she is probably not married.
- So, I read out the list with pain in my heart... - Read it out. - With pain in my heart... I read out the list. - Read it!
- Comrades, I have no experience, I’m doing this unprofessionally. - Down and Out trouble started.
“As a veterinarian, I promise you, my gluttonous one, a twisting of the intestines.” - Yes, he will have a volvulus. As a sign of protest!
— It turns out that white crows still exist. “This is very rare in nature, but fortunately we have it.” - Luckily, you have.
— Where is the market director? Give it to me! I'll make a meat row out of it! - Please. Make me a meat row. How much will you charge per kilo, you don’t know?
- What are you talking about? How can you kick me out? I sold my homeland for a car! — I will ask that the fact of the sale of the Motherland be recorded in the protocol.
“Just think, among those who were not expelled, there was not a single decent person.”
- And you yourself? - But I don’t pretend...
“Perhaps the meeting will not agree with the board yet.” — In our cooperative we always agree with the board. — Yes, disagreeing with the board is like spitting against the wind.
“Why are you holding out both hands, my dear?” - Because here there are a LOT of sycophants, clingy people, sycophants, sycophants and scoundrels, but there are FEW honest ones of us! If I was wearing trousers, I would have lifted both legs.
- Please put it in the protocol: I protest! “Professor, we will remember that you are protesting, but there is nowhere to write it down, because the protocol was eaten.”
- Comrades, my chicken is leaking! - Calm down, you and your chicken!
“We’ll only have to cut four people, not five.” - Well, four is better than five, but worse than three.
— I personally spent all my money on scientific books. - Yes?! Who brought the cassette recorder?
“You have a hungry child at home, and you’re acting like a fool.” — My child: if I want, I feed, if I want, I don’t.
- My dear, how dare you! - I dare! I dare you. And I'm not dear to you.
- Man is also an animal. It also needs to be protected. - From whom? - Man must be protected from man.
— Another small, but quite big question. - Oh, life consists of only questions... But I want it to consist of only answers.
The collection contains phrases and quotes from the film “Garage”. Soviet tragicomedy released in 1979. Director Eldar Ryazanov.
Our favorite Soviet films, cartoons, movie music, posters and photos
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ……………………….. — Unforeseen expenses arose in the form of refreshments. You understand that they cannot be ignored.
“The residents of the neighboring house planted the construction site at night with seedlings of fast-growing trees, and in the meantime they made a cart to the executive committee that we were destroying the green zone.
“But we were prepared accordingly, and the three trees that sprouted were pre-treated with fuel oil.
— Another small, but quite big question.
- Well, four is better than five. But worse than three.
- Please understand me! My Guskov is a well-known scapegoat at our institute.
“He’s writing a scientific report for a symposium in Paris, and you, Comrade Anikeev, are going to get your clothes.”
-Have you seen him? - I saw it! -Did you hear him? - I heard! — Did you turn it on? - Yes! - Well, aren’t you ashamed?
- Well, you know, Comrade Fetisov was included in this mournful list... - What are you saying? How can you kick me out? I sold my homeland for a car.
— I will ask that the fact of the sale of the Motherland be recorded in the protocol.
- This lyrical digression should end.
- Here it is, head of the insect department. - I was chasing butterflies.
— Khvostov works with the fauna of the Arctic Ocean. And he dearly loves our seal Borya. When Borya got sick, he jumped into an ice pool to give the seal medicine. So Khvostov caught a cold and lost his voice.
“Why are you holding out both hands, my dear?”
- Yes, it’s a shame, it’s a shame, comrades! But you need to vote!
- Get out of here, trumpet! Go away! “I’m not a trumpet, but a trombone!” Understood?
- Kindly lift your tummy, I’ll get the list.
— What can she steal from the market?
- How can your husband put up with you? - Yes? And you... And here... And you have diamonds on your hand from stolen money!
“As a veterinarian, I promise you, my gluttonous one, a twisting of the intestines.”
- You, as you put it, will open the door, and who will guard these priceless exhibits? Our hippopotamus is 120 years old!
- Please, my dear ones, admit who committed this robbery, it will be worse, my silver ones.
- Comrades! I have no experience, I do this unprofessionally. - Down and Out trouble started.
- Where is the key? Where is the key, my lousy one?
— We are opening the second series of our multi-part meeting.
“It turns out that white crows still exist.” “This is very rare in nature, but fortunately we have it.” - Luckily, you have.
- Don’t play, you’re musical!
— We, in fact, are all fighting for a place in the sun here! In the form of a garage. What is there to hide?
- That's life, huh? Everyone is happy alone.
- My people! My people! Both of you are dear to me. Stop! I will not tolerate bloodshed and civil strife!
- Don't touch the Sumatran macaque! This is the only copy in our country, what are you talking about!
- Listen, you, chairman, are you crazy? Do you really want to plunge everyone into a general sleep, do you hear? - Do you prefer to sleep standing up, like a war horse?
- Leave the argali alone, shame on you, after all, you are scientists! Comrades!
-Where are you taking the anteater, relative of the diplomat? Don't you understand, this is an exhibit?
- Before you fall asleep, please give me a certificate, rag. - What other certificate, my market one?
— The certificate was given to citizen A.A. Kushakova. that she spent the night in the zoological museum at the general meeting of the Fauna garage and construction cooperative... In the presence of 29 witnesses. - Witnesses of what?
- I'm jealous. How do you and your husband live? Not life, but the name day of the heart! She has a stamp. My faithful one.
— One seven-year-old boy wrote the following poem: A camel has two humps, because life is a struggle.
- Drawing lots is not our method.
“As far as I understand, my half-asleep ones, the meeting continues spontaneously.”
- My haberdashery, the board has discredited itself.
- Excuse me, please. I didn't know you were a wife.
- Girls. Girls, don't quarrel.
- What does it mean? What will you show us? - Yes, he will show you everything! - We won’t allow you to show anything!
— When there was no cement, the entire crew was taken to the Bolshoi Theater to see Giselle. “Fortunately, the conductor’s dachshund was suffering from ringworm at that time.
“So today I wouldn’t go on reconnaissance with myself.”
- Well done, Alexander Grigorievich. I respect you again.
“My tireless one, stop playing tricks on us, that’s enough, in the end.”
- Look, you city people, what can you bring a person to?
- My reasonable one... I have no one except you.
- Tolik, don’t upset your mother. - What do you mean? - Otherwise we’ll hit you.
— I honor the memory of my garage.
“It can’t be helped, I’m one of the majority.”
- Okay, but we will do it without you, okay, you are our many-sided person.
- How lovely. You're selling, my dear, right? - My incorruptible one, betraying in time is not betraying, it’s foreseeing!
“Nothing, my dear, we will talk tomorrow in another place and on another level.”
- Draw lots. - Take out the piece of paper, you are our lucky one.
Quotes on the topic "Garage"
What things need to be thrown out of the garage urgently!!!
Rusted “Health” disk. Fluorescent lamps (28 pcs.), starters for fluorescent lamps (40 pcs.). The bag is torn with the inscription “...bastre...ital”. Several heavy meat grinders (5 pcs.). Minced meat for dumplings twenty years ago. Fisherman's box. Or at least fish from it. A slightly unfinished hadron collider (only a couple of diodes left to solder). Electrodes - three, half felt. Foam plastic baseboard, with receipt. A single piece of amber made of solid oil, petrified, with a wrench inside. Someone's women's panties (whose, by the way?) in machine oil. A can of 66 gasoline. Spare engine from Moskvich. A mousetrap that went off in 1989, in excellent condition, with a mummy mouse and a whole piece of cheese. Ski “Bistritsa” (1 pc.), bamboo ski pole (one and a half pcs.), aluminum (1 pc.), ski boots (3 pcs., different sizes). Jars with candied currants from the 1981 harvest (3 pcs.). Sugar lump (whole bag). A stick from the New Year's 1986 tree. Inflatable boots (now deflated), with a pump. Tin scissors with rusted metal. Broken Chinese thermoses (3 pcs.). Snorkel for underwater mask and fin (1 pc.). Challenge banner “The best workshop of a pasta factory.” Bricks (28 pcs.), whistled during a drunken session from a nearby construction site fifteen years ago. A backpack with empty glass bottles of milk and kefir. Photo enlarger... Although it may still come in handy. A first aid kit from the end of the 20th century... Although the leatherette handbag can be left behind. The toilet is from the first rented apartment. A Demis Roussos bag with glass mayonnaise jars. Twenty bags of flour that I took for resale in 1994. You'll have to call the movers. It looks like the flour will never come off again. A two-hundred-liter barrel of birch sap, harvested in 1997. Dried bath brooms, mid-20th century, birch, spruce. Wait, on the contrary - spruce, birch... But this is actually oak! No one has it, we have to leave it. Metlakh tiles (8 pieces - three white, five beige, one broken tile, unknown which one, but definitely only one). Brand new wooden abacus. Mud flaps from a GAZ-51 car. Kuhlman. A bag of bags. The gas cylinder is empty (no, don’t throw it away, Maureen says she’ll pick it up!). Kinescope for color TV "Rainbow". Frame from a bicycle "Tourist". A metal pipe saved for a horizontal bar at the dacha. Sewage hatches (3 pcs.). Ebonite tube from a pay phone. A flask of paint, a pan of paint, a bucket of paint, a jar of paint, a glass of paint, a glass of paint. And dried brushes. Nizhny Tagil vodka, three bottles, purchased with coupons in 1990. It’s still scary to drink - the metal corrodes! Washing board in a wooden frame. A cutting board with a portrait of Khrushchev (Khrushchev was burned onto the board with a burner). Half a Rubik's cube (chopped with an axe). Portrait of a member of the Politburo of the Central Committee of the CPSU A. A. Gromyko with a painted mustache from the May Day demonstration, on wheels. Enameled basins (5 pcs.), one inside the other (not separated). Once cat food, but long ago a rat litter box. A saucepan without a bottom and without a lid. Plastic hoops, sawn in half (think of it as a finished greenhouse).
Humor about Garages - anecdotes, aphorisms of historyG
Arazh is a Russian men's club.
Operating hours: 24 hours a day. *** Nothing
brings two women closer together than a joint trip to the garage to pick up their drunken husbands.
*** Women
! The largest selection of men in garages. Here you can take a man with your bare hands right from the car!
P
Helped the girl prepare to get a driver's license.
We trained in the notorious drive backwards into the “garage”. At that time, the girl was very young and our relationship was friendly, with a romantic twist, without any dirty, vile THOUGHTS! Yes, so, after a whole day of work, a bunch of broken beacons and frayed nerves, we safely park the car. The girl’s mobile phone rings, her mother calls (quite strict in her words), apparently interested in how the child is doing, what the child has been doing, etc. To which Chado gives a phrase, after which the fatigue and nervousness disappeared into thin air. Terribly admiring: “Mom, Dima and I spent the whole day working on my ASS!!”... Then I didn’t hear anything else... *** We
were changing brake discs on a friend’s car.
An Audi arrives at a nearby garage and enters its box. A man puts the car on the alarm, exiting the box presses a button, the automatic gate closes, the lights in the box go out. The man slowly leaves the garage. We work for the next 15-20 minutes. Then the owner of the Audi runs back, opens the gate as he runs, disables the car alarm, opens the car, takes the DAUGHTER out of the car, closes the car, the box gate, leaves the garage, holding his daughter’s hand. And the girl is calm, apparently not the first one. *** I
fall asleep from a terrible hangover in the garage.
The head is shaking, the dry shit is terrible. - I take some can and drink. I feel like I'm drinking kerosene. But ho-o-olo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!!! *** for
two years with a large poplar tree that grew next to his garage (it was inconvenient to drive in). At night I poured battery acid under the tree, peeled off the bark, and specially brought a barrel of brine from somewhere... Yesterday, during the rain, the tree fell. The garage with the car is soft-boiled.
P
My friend developed a habit.
In the morning, leaving the garage, he turns on the car radio and carefully, at the top of his voice, begins to sing along to his favorite performers. How he puts it; - to raise tone. And, since he listens mostly to rap, then... At the exit from the garage cooperative, they have a watch, where the role of watchmen and security guards is performed by gray-haired old men. Usually they are in no hurry to open the barrier, either feeding the dog or counting the crows. But soon my friend began to notice that when his car approached, the old men dropped everything and skipped towards the barrier. Not only he noticed, but also the rest of the garage owners. The solution came within a few days. One of the old men approached my friend; - Son, why are you swearing at us so much, we’re already trying so hard?! -...??? I don't swear at anyone. - Come on, what do you think, we can’t see through the glass how you’re yelling at us and banging on the steering wheel with your fist?! *** The
only place in Moscow where you can drive while fully observing traffic rules is your garage.
Moreover, without leaving the gate. *** I’m
sitting on a bench, drinking beer after work.
Nearby is a new building with expensive apartments, and, naturally, there is an entrance to an underground garage on the street. A dead BMW three-ruble car appears with a roar, and since there are a lot of cars, this crap parks right at the entrance to the garage. It’s immediately obvious that the driver’s head is very, very bad. A “clean patsa-a-an” comes out of it, and the grandmother on duty jumps out of the booth. She screams that cars can’t be parked here, and he, completely disrespecting old age, sends her you know where. And he leaves. It was evening, and after about five minutes a flock of cars formed, wanting to get into the garage. Home, that is. The cars are serious, and so are the owners; it’s immediately clear that they are “people with a past.” They listen with interest to the crying grandmother on duty and arrange a short meeting. And they begin to act. The pack of cars moves apart a little, giving way to a Toyota Land Cruiser with a winch. The gloomy men hook the winch directly to the bumper of the three-ruble ruble, and the jeep begins to stupidly drag it, mercilessly breaking out the bumper. At first she resisted, but then, apparently, the gearbox closed, and things went easier. Before the beast-jeep had time to drag the innocent car onto the nearest lawn and unhook, the reckless boy-driver showed up. Seeing the absence of a car from a distance, he picks up speed, flies up to his grandmother, and, not paying attention to those around him, begins to curse at her on the topic “Where is my car, you old fool?!” “People with a past” cut him off in mid-sentence, roughly grabbing him by the ear, taking him away, showing him his poor smoked “beha”, and starting a story about his sexual orientation and close relationship with his mother. And about your desire to have sexual intercourse with him in a perverted form. And also that it is not good to send away old women. The “clean boy” shakes his head intelligently, and becomes just an angel, in comparison with which the Timur pioneers and other positive heroes of fairy tales are just dirty scum. Finally, the introductory part ended, and determined citizens got down to business. They beat him, as a character in one comedy said, “hard, but carefully.” After which, a very pleased group of teachers began to animatedly negotiate evening get-togethers “like neighbors.” All outside observers were also very happy! We must, we must educate difficult teenagers! *** —
Asya, why do you need a mirror in the garage?
- Well, how... There is always someone to drink with! *** —
Steve Jobs started his grandiose business with only a soldering iron and a garage!
- Well, many of us started this way. . . And an iron too. *** recently
installed a new lock in the garage.
Very tight and uncomfortable. The first time I came to open this lock without him, I had my 11-year-old daughter with me. Wet snow, wind, generally nasty weather. And so I suffer with this iron monster this way and that, all my fingers are already hurting, the rain and snow are making my way up the back of my neck. In general, nothing. And so, when my patience ran out, I broke down and blurted out loudly and from the bottom of my heart: “Fuck!” - And OH MIRACLE, the lock immediately opened. My daughter is delighted: - Wow! I now know the magic word!!!! I no longer had the strength to explain that this word was not at all magical. *** It’s
not even a story, but just a phrase from the advertising brochure of one Very Expensive House: “For every apartment owner there is a place in the underground garage.”
And we thought... *** Sign
of the times.
The plumbing leaked at home and I had to run to the garage to get a tool. My daughter (8 years old) gives out the phrase: “Oh, summer is approaching - dad has started running into the garage...” *** Tomorrow
I’m repairing a car in the garage.
And the day after tomorrow the liver is at home. *** - I
’m giving birth to a garage, small, scary.
- But I can’t write like that! - Well, write then, poor thing. *** In
Soviet times, iron garages began to grow in cities large and small.
Having purchased a VAZ-2103, my father also bought a prefabricated garage. Garages were placed in rows, side to side and back to back. When our garage was delivered, all the neighboring ones were already standing; left, right and back, so the garage must first be assembled in an open place, and the already assembled one must be squeezed between the neighbors with a crane. Having called the people and mobilized a 5.5 liter canister of alcohol, dad went to assemble the garage, I tagged along with him, I was 9 years old. Five men celebrated the meeting, 50 grams of alcohol each, autumn is cold. Six men (5 + truck driver) celebrated the arrival of the garage x 50g. 6 x 50g - noted the unloading of sheets of the left wall of the garage 7 x 50g - right (a truck crane arrived, 6 + crane operator) 7 x 50g - rear wall 7 x 50g - roof 7 x 50g - gate 7 x 50g - noted complete unloading and tearfully parted with ZIL carrier 6 x 50g - celebration of the articulation of sections of the left wall 6 x 50g - right 6 x 50g - ceremonial celebration of the joining of the left and rear walls 5 x 50g - the right and rear walls are joined, it is getting dark, one of the “installers” is overtired, sleeps in the truck crane 5 x 50g - two events at once, the gate and roof are screwed down 5 x 50g - the gate is unscrewed, because initially it was screwed upside down, it turned out that there were mounting holes there after all. 5 x 50g - it’s dark, the assembly is over, there’s nothing to drink alcohol with, and it’s not enough anymore 5 x 50g - consultation, is it worth going after the car now to pamper it with a garage 5 x 50g - consensus - it’s better not to go 6 x 50g - truck crane cables hooked, the garage hangs half a meter above the ground, the one who was sleeping - woke up 6 x 10 drops - the garage is installed, the alcohol has run out, the child (me) is climbing and babbling about something. Going home, tears of separation of best friends. The child tried to say that the garage was placed backwards, with the gates close to the garage, which is behind ours. Correcting the situation required 5X500 g of vodka for three. *** Do
you want to take revenge on your husband?
Clean up your garage! *** About
the announcement: I am exchanging the air palace for an underground garage.
*** A man is
in the hospital - all in plaster, bandaged from head to toe, arms and legs on stretch marks.
The roommate sympathetically asks: “What happened to you?” — I drank some beer and crashed into the garage. - Poor thing! The car is probably in pieces? - No, I was walking... *** Male
dignity is not what’s in the pants, but what’s in the garage!
What's in pants is... a woman's happiness... *** -
Man!
What are you doing???!!! The tractor “broke the road”, and you throw snow from your garage on it... - I’m not your man!!! — Well, excuse me,... faggot... *** give
the garage to a prudent SEAT owner for one night.
Payment depends on the result of the Russia-Spain match. *** And
truly I tell you: whoever comes up with a system in which a car will shake itself off like a dog before entering a garage will immortalize his name for centuries.
*** It
happened in Arkhangelsk in winter.
Garages (wooden, since this is the main building material of this area) are located next to each other as usual. So, the men drank vodka there. And so everyone dispersed. And one little guy, Vasya, apparently forgot to turn off the stove in the garage. Long story short, the fire started. Firefighters arrived to extinguish the garage. Just turned around - BANG! Explosion. Three garages are on fire! Everything to the side. Let's run home to Vasya. And Vasya is a blast! They wake up - Vasya, what’s in the garage? Vasya: “Oxygen cylinders.” And he passed out. Here BANG! Explosion. Five garages are already on fire. To Vasya - Vasya, damn it, how many cylinders are there? Here again BANG! Explosion. And Vasya again through consciousness - there are oxygen cylinders, there are 4 of them. And he “left” again. There are crowds of people around the garages, at a safe distance. Half of the garages are already on fire. Everyone is waiting for the fourth explosion. He's gone. The firefighters say, we won’t go there, we don’t want to go to the next world. There is no explosion, all the garages are already on fire. The walkers return to Vasya. Vasya, motherfucker, how many cylinders? Maybe three? Vasya: “I’m telling YOU - I have FOUR oxygen cylinders in my garage - three full and one empty!” Vasya passed out again. *** About
the advertisement: - I am selling an underground garage in the forest.
Damp, scary, expensive. *** Husband
to wife: - Finally, you drove in correctly, but not into your garage... ***
It
was on Epiphany night. Here in Siberia at this time -30 is more the norm than extreme, and therefore life is in full swing: i.e. the girls cast hot glances from under frosty eyelashes (they only become hotter from this), and the vodka becomes simply breathtakingly delicious! These are the consequences of this darkness that we are talking about. This was told by a very truthful person, whom I have no reason not to believe. Further from his words. 12 o'clock in the morning, a call on the mobile phone from a friend who shouts in an inhuman voice: “Sasha (name changed), damn it urgently bring boiling water, I’m not far from here (transmits coordinates)! Blah, there’s no time for explanations, bring some boiling water, MMMMMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHLOTION!!!" Well, what should I do, friend, and it’s not far at all, I dialed and came. Next is a pastel painting (SORRY THERE WAS NO VIDEO)! Garage row, near the IRON door of one, pressed closely against it, stands my friend. Confused, I approach him, figure out the problem, and with difficulty give him the bottle of boiling water, because I am unable to stand from laughter, much less manipulate my hands; then hysteria ensues! The essence of the trouble: having filled the plug with antifreeze, the friend wandered home. On the way, my soul felt heavy (as you know, the soul of the forehead is located directly under the bladder), and relief was obviously needed. But it was not cool to pour out the heaviness of one’s soul on the road, or to write something on a snowdrift; the decision was made to pour it out on the garage door. And because It was stormy steeply, and already at the end of the process the wet place touched the shells hardened in the frost. The result is that the device is frozen, who knows - he will understand: you can only tear it off with meat, and the meat will remain on the door! Waiting for a new portion is fraught with frostbite for your little brother! Fortunately - there is a mobile connection! But if he dropped the phone with cold and drunken hands, or the battery died in the cold, or the money on the card dried up? Nightmarrr!
P
Why is it that when I leave the garages, some idiot always has to cross the road, and when I cross the road, some idiot always has to leave the garages?
*** And
from the forum: I had my “girl” repaired by a neighbor, he’s a great auto body mechanic.
Well, I kind of told him to bother him and lift his ass, but not much, but raised him a little. Well, he calls in the evening and says, take it, it’s ready. I look out the window and see that they have kicked me out of the garage and are already standing on the street... but my ASS IS UP TO A MAXIMUM of about 30 degrees. I’m all red with anger and I run out of the house and to the neighbor. And he’s already waiting for me and says, “Well, take it, they did what they wanted, they bullied the guy.” Well, then I told him everything I thought about him, I remembered all his relatives up to the 5th generation. Then the rest of the men come out and say that “This is how normal boys drive.” I swore for ten minutes. Then the neighbor “took pity” and said: “Lana, Dimon, remove the jack from under the towbar”…. *** In
our garage cooperative there was such a diver-tea-snowdrop, with a large photograph of Brezhnev on the garage door.
I tinkered with the car and in the garage all day long in the summer, and went out 15-20 times during the summer season. So this bastard scratched 3 cars in garages in a month, you see, they were parked far from the garages and it was inconvenient for him to drive, although it was possible to drive there sideways, he almost ran over one of his legs when he was lying under the car, my stool was crushed by the idiot , almost blew my butt off, although my garage is in the corner and couldn’t interfere with the passage in any way. He didn’t pay anyone a penny for the repairs, he said that he was almost Brezhnev’s best friend, and if anyone attacked him, everyone would be taken to the KGB. So the guys and I agreed and one summer day we electric-welded the gate around the entire perimeter for him, half a pack of 4's probably took him, then we carefully sanded it with a grinder and painted it the color of his garage. The watchmen did not object; he annoyed them too. It took him a long time to open them, probably more than a year, and most importantly, he never found the culprits. Now, like silk, he turns his head 360 degrees before driving, and drives through garages no faster than 3 km/h. *** Dear
Grandfather Frost, don’t put a gift under the tree for me... Drive it straight into the garage.
*** On
a sunny Sunday day, garages... By evening the men had already “repaired” quite a bit, but in garages, as a rule, you meet different characters.
And then two of them crossed paths... We have this Misha, a good, decent person, but if he drinks alcohol beyond measure, he sometimes goes crazy due to shell shock received back in Afghanistan. On this ill-fated Sunday, he again had a little too much and went through the garages, obviously in search of adventure. And here our new garage comrade, his name is Lesha, recently bought himself a new Skoda, and as usual he was standing there, blowing specks of dust off it... idyll... when suddenly, from around the corner, a wedged big man Misha flies out with a sledgehammer in his hand and, with all his might, breaks it right through the hood of a brand new Skoda, then rips a sledgehammer out of the hood, and, holding it at the ready, slowly moves towards the taken aback Lesha with a phrase that has become a catchphrase: ... - Well, ask me why I did this? ... *** man
drank a five in the spring, zero (in those days when 8-9-kilometers had not yet been invented, in short, a top-notch car).
But it needs to be broken in, but it’s dirty. And the man found a way out: he lifted the rear axle up on bricks in the garage, started it, stuck it in gear - it rumbles, the mileage increases, he can’t stop looking at it. And finally, the speedometer clicked the treasured number, and the man, before leaving, decided to check the car for “speed characteristics”: he stuck the 4th gear and - the trigger to the floor! The engine roared like a hungry lion, the car shook like a stalled horse, bricks flew out from such vibration, the car, like a Formula 1 car, rushed forward... It rammed the wall of the garage, burst into the adjacent one, and with the help of the car parked there, took out the gate of THAT garage... *** It
seems that Russian cars are precisely designed by the manufacturer so that men always have a reason to gather in the garage ***
- What kind
of tattoo is this below your back: 00-88?
- This is not a tattoo, it was my wife who pressed the gas when I opened the garage. *** The
wonders of modern technology make it possible to produce beer cans that can lie in a landfill for thousands of years, and cars worth $15,000 that will rust in your garage in 5. ***
Advertisement
on a two-story permanent garage with security and telephone etc.
GENTLEMEN owners of garage boxes! Come to cleanup tomorrow with your own brooms. *** I
recently took a train to Moscow.
At the entrance to Moscow (in Reutovo) there are garages along the railway tracks. They always had graffiti on the back wall. Actually the story: The wall was painted over, there were no drawings left, but on the wall there was an inscription in white paint: “You can paint over it, bitches! I still have more paint!” *** The
peculiarity of women's eyes is that they are able to see a hair on their husband's jacket five meters away, but are unable to see the garage door a meter away.
*** Residents
of the German city of Heidenau were very surprised and frightened when they saw a Soviet T-34 tank rushing down the street.
As RIA Novosti reports with reference to the German press, the armored vehicle turned out to be a collector's item, and its owner tried to demolish an old garage with its help. The 32-year-old resident of Heidenau, whose name is not named, has a total of 12 tanks in his collection. Being drunk, the man got into one of them to demolish the garage, but lost control and drove out into the street at high speed. For a long time he could not stop the car. Frightened citizens called the police. The collector was pulled out of the tank and charged with driving under the influence. According to a representative of the Haydenau administration, the T-34 tank did not pose a threat because it was taken out of combat readiness. — What does our man do when he finds out that their garages will be demolished? That’s right, he advertises: “Garage for sale.” *** The
head of the food service of the unit asks his father: “Dad, why do all the people have crushed stone poured near the garage, but we have buckwheat?”
*** An
avid motorist enthusiastically fixes his car, lying under the hood.
His wife runs around the garage, nervously wringing her hands. - Vasya! - (vague mooing) - I'm leaving to see my girlfriend! - Mmmm... - Vasya, do you see this man in the photograph? - Uh-huh... - I beg you, pick him up from kindergarten today at 6 pm! Statuses - buying a car
Jokes about Drivers
Congratulations on buying a car in verse and prose from friends and colleagues
