Funny statuses about love

Love and marriage

The hearts of lovers are tested by time. And what could be a better measure of love than marriage? Read the funniest statuses about love. Install our statuses about love on your VK - funny and cool, and simply imbued with feelings.

When a woman gets married, she exchanges the attention of many men for the inattention of one.
I have had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, but the second one didn’t.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men only need space.
My wife is very sentimental. I once gave her a ring for Valentine's Day and she still hasn't forgotten the three little words that were engraved on the inside - Made in China!
The main rule for all men who want to save their marriage: if you are wrong, admit it, if you are right, just shut up.
First love is something like a vaccination that protects men from complaints about all subsequent failures.
The heart of a man in love is like a bad driver: he either constantly speeds or parks in the wrong place.
At any party there are always two types of people - those who want to get home quickly, and those who want to delay this moment longer. The problem is that they are usually husband and wife.
Why is it that when a woman leaves a man, she is strong and independent. But when a man leaves a woman, is he a pig and a scumbag?
Women are like easy money: easy to come, easy to go.
A successful man is one who earns more money than his wife can spend. In turn, a successful woman is one who has found such a man.
Many people ask what is the secret of our long marriage. It is that we still visit the restaurant twice a week. Dinner, candles, soothing music and dancing. I do this on Tuesdays and my wife on Fridays.
According to statistics, eighty percent of married men in Russia cheat on their wives. The remaining twenty percent do it in Turkey or Egypt.
An archaeologist is the best choice for a husband. The more a woman ages, the more interested he is in her.
I love and appreciate my wife, so I rarely cheat.
Be sure to get married. If you get a good wife, you will be happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher. Socrates (c).
God gave man both a brain and a penis, but did not give him enough blood to nourish both organs at the same time.

I'm a woman and that says it all!

Most stupid statuses are dedicated to “your own” vision of life and freedom. Don't try to show everyone that you are special - it's funny.

Everyone sees your appearance, but no one knows what you look like inside.
I live by my own rules, and do not violate others.
I am neither an angel nor a demon, I am not ideal at all. This is how I turned out, the way God created me.
I don’t care what others think – I live my life the way I want.
If you talk behind my back, it means I’m ahead, if you discuss my life, it’s more interesting than yours, if you look for flaws, you’re jealous.
And whoever doesn’t love me is simply jealous of me.
I'm not a piece of candy that everyone will like. I am a nut that not everyone can handle.
To some I am a loved one, a daughter or sister, but to others I am a cross-throat. Envy my versatility.
I will live my life the way I want, and I don’t care what others think.
Don’t be persistently interested in my life, otherwise you will get carried away and your own will seem boring to you.
Everyone knows me as much as I allow.
As soon as you stop behaving the way others want you to, everyone starts saying that you have changed.
I don’t want to prove to anyone that I’m good, it’s better to prove to me that I’m bad.
I inform everyone who is curious: I am still young, happy, beautiful and not even on a diet.
The lines fly down, the wipers swear, I choose life... standing on the windowsill.
I live with myself in complete harmony, everything is bad for me: my mood, work and appearance.
I'm an angel, but my wings are streaked and my halo is on charge.
Just to brag: I cook deliciously, my head doesn’t hurt, I don’t talk much, I’m not looking for love.
Cry those who didn’t get me, die those who didn’t want me.
All women are women, and I am a GODDESS.
When I’m driving, I’m a goddess, I’m driving, and my husband is praying.

What is love?

The best statuses about love: funny, short and sensual. If you think you know everything about this feeling, you are mistaken.

I have been in love with one person for a long time... every day I see him and every day I admire his beauty... when I pass by the mirror.
True love is when you constantly stop yourself from telling the truth.
A real loving man never knows the size of his beloved's breasts. Because he looks into her soul, and not into her bra.
Love, of course, can be evil, but the goat better not count on it.
The Bible teaches that you should love your neighbor, and the Kama Sutra explains exactly how.
Dear girls! If you want to remain “just friends” with a man, then warn about this in advance, and not in the middle of the wedding ceremony!
Oh, how I want to hug my beloved man and hear from him a gentle “I love you”... Should I call my dad?
Love is not being shy about being stupid together.
Love is the most terrible disease: it puts two people into bed at once.
Dear princes on a white horse, please stop singing serenades under the window. Otherwise you'll have to talk to the king.
If there is no love and affection, then can we at least have chocolate?
If love is blind, then marriage is the best eye doctor.
Until recently, the word “love” was like a dress from Coco Chanel. Now - a Chinese T-shirt from the market. And tomorrow we’ll be running around naked!
To understand the beauty of a good relationship, you must first experience a bad one.
Love, she is like a fox - beautiful, fluffy, but try to play with her, and she will bite so hard that you will never recover.
Love is like hot water in the fall, it always turns on unexpectedly and also disappears unexpectedly. And always not according to your will.
Love is the universal answer to all old questions. But marriage raises too many new ones.
Love is a sweet dream, marriage is an alarm clock.

Cool statuses about love with meaning

People feel such a need for love that some even love their spouses

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I had a fight with a guy, turned away, and in my head: well, hug me. Well, give me a hug. Well, hug me, damn it!! and then he hugs you like that, and you’re like: Okay, put your hands away!!

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I always wondered: Why are there either no guys or two? Then it dawned on me that trouble doesn’t come alone

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When I saw you, my heart was in my chest, by the way, about my chest, I bought myself a new bra

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I don’t even know what’s worse: the fact that the guy wrote “we need to break up,” or the fact that two minutes later he wrote “I’m not for you.”

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Quitting love is just like quitting smoking. Everything seems to be under control until you get drunk.

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He has intelligence and a cool character! I have stockings and a lace bra! He is ready to take risks, and there is strength in his gaze! I have breasts! I won everything.

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There are no perfect people. Just find someone as crazy as you and stop.

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Don’t rush to say that this is Your Person until you experience together a Loss, a Victory, someone else’s Victory. And Repair.

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If I gave you a balloon for every lie you told, you would have flown away a couple of weeks ago.

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Never ask a person why he loves you: as soon as he thinks about it, it may turn out that there is nothing to love you for.

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I decided to help my mom and dad. I did my makeup, did my hair, manicure, pedicure, drank coffee and went to look for my son-in-law.

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Love is like chocolate. First “Bounty”, a heavenly delight, then “Twix” 2 sticks And then “Kinder Surprise”

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Love is when he writes: “To be home at 20:00!”, And you’re all show-off: “When I want, then I’ll come!”, and you arrive at 19:40

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The French love beauty the most. The Germans love it the hardest. Rabbits are the fastest to eat. But most often they love goats!

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And I will leave, not noticing the insults, chewing a chocolate candy And may an evil horse love you, and not a sunshine like me

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A million, a million, a million different poses. At the stove, on the table, and then on the window. Who is in love, who is in love, who is in love and seriously. Either he or he doesn’t give a damn where.

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Liking is when you like your appearance. Falling in love is when you like your appearance and character. Love is when it is not clear what I found in him.

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Women are the best psychoanalysts until they fall in love. After that they become patients.

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If you cheated and left the family, you are a goat and an idiot, and if your wife cheated and left, then only because you are a goat and an idiot. There is no alternative.

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When Cupid pierces us with his arrows, we feel no pain. It hurts when he rips them back

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Saying “I love you” is not so difficult; “cyclopentaneperhydrophenanthrene,” for example, is much more difficult.

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Every man knows well that the only fruit that ripens instantly is the fruit of a woman’s imagination.

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When everyone else was standing in line for love, I stood in line for candy. So now you suffer, and I’ll go and put the kettle on.

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Your friend called me princess. And you said, hiding your fear: “such princesses in old plays were burned at the stake at the end”

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Women's rule number one: If someone doesn't answer your message for more than 5 minutes, then they don't love you anymore. And I never loved. Write to this scum everything you think about it.

The greats of this world about love

Truly laughable statuses about love, the authors of which are great people of all times and peoples. Appreciate your loved ones and set funny VK statuses about love.

After several years of abstinence, I am ready to love my neighbor, my neighbor, and anyone!
A man realizes that he has truly fallen in love when, instead of football and cars, he increasingly studies catalogs of women's perfumes and underwear.
Love is all a person needs to be happy. But a little alcohol every now and then won't hurt either.
The world would be a much better place if there was a little more love and a little less paperwork.
Being a good husband is like learning nuclear physics from scratch. It must be at least ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.
No man can call himself truly married until he begins to understand all the words his wife does NOT say.
The first marriage is a triumph of feelings over intellect. A second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience.
If your heart was truly broken, you would be dead a long time ago. So shut up.
A woman worries about the future until she gets married. For men the opposite is true.
If it weren't for him, we would be a perfect couple.
I would like to marry a smart, handsome and rich man. I just don’t want to get married three times.
The only good thing about love is the practical experience. It's a pity that it requires a man.
The main obstacle in the love of a man and a woman is mutual knowledge of each other's past.
Loving someone else's woman is like eating an onion. No matter how you cover it, the smell will eventually be discovered.
For a woman, love is something between conversation and chocolate, and for a man, it is something between sex and beer.
How many times have I heard about people dying of love, but for some reason I have never seen at least one of them actually die.

Cool and funny statuses about love

Many of us try to play “Romeo and Juliet,” but it turns out to be “Dumb and Dumber.” 14

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In the kindergarten in the very back, all the grass is crushed, it’s not the children’s fault, it’s damned love.:o) 9

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While I was putting on makeup in front of the mirror this morning, I fainted five times from my beauty. 9

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I wish all the girls that they have a beloved and loving guy! Why? Yes, so that they stop hanging on MY guy. 15

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Love is when a girl puts the name of her loved one as all her passwords. It's great love when all the passwords are different. 14

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Love is a drug that is not prohibited, but it is still very difficult to get your dose. eleven

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And in joy I love you, and in misfortune I love you. Even if I sleep soundly, I still love you! 12

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I am a Girl Without Flaws. Of the Negative Qualities I only have “Rh Factor” 12

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It’s my business, I love whoever I want! I give my heart to whomever I want. And it’s not your problem and it’s not your fault. There are many like you, but I am alone! 9

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Love is like a cup of hot coffee. You can warm up and have fun, but you can also get burned.

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There should be a cupcake with a twist. With a riddle - scanwords. A woman should have brains!

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Lord, I’m not asking for myself, but for my mother! Please send her a handsome, smart and rich son-in-law!

Jokes from Petrosyan's grandchildren

Unfunny jokes from Odnoklassniki are moving to VKontakte, and this trend of the last two years makes some users look stupid.

The grandfather said: “I am your grandfather.”
Today no one wished me a happy birthday, which is not surprising - after all, it’s not my birthday today.
I'm so illogical: chair, horse, 28.
The squirrel ran and fell, so the squirrel disappeared.
A brick floats along the river, wood like glass. Let it float, I don’t need foam!
I created this page for my cat, but now she registered herself.
It is enough to look at a sleeping person for 8 hours for him to wake up.
She happened to live under the same last name as the teacher, and asked if we were related. He replied: “Forget me.”
I'm always your excuse to get drunk.
Shall we play irons? I will spit on you, and you will hiss.
I’m like wet salt again, I’m not getting enough sleep.
When the door is closed in the heart, you need to knock on the liver.