Funny jokes about nurses
| Our website contains funny jokes about nurses. We read, smile, and maybe even laugh! |
A good nurse makes the butt happy. On the other side, joy also rises.
It so happened that I gave birth right in the corridor of the maternity hospital, they didn’t have time to take me there. The next morning, the nurse decided to calm me down and said that it was all nothing, and told the story: “Two years ago, our woman actually gave birth in the parking lot.” But I listened and was silent. Well, let’s not say that it was me too.
- Do we have a doctor here? - Not a doctor, but a nurse.
— This is a nurse in the Viagra videos, and you are a doctor.
A completely bandaged woman lies on a hospital bed and dictates a letter to the nurse: Dear author of the book “How to tell a man everything you think about him and not become disabled”! I inform you that there was a typo on the fifth page of your book...
Maternity hospital, a joyful sunny morning, under the windows of a group of men with the obligatory carnations in their hands. They breathe fresh air, wait for the young mothers to wake up, blush, and someone is already indulging in fresh beer. The nurse gives the go-ahead, and the screams begin: “Olenka, I love you!” - Masha, you fool, show me! - Ira, boy or girl? Suddenly a wild cry: “Lekha!!!” The men quiet down and look at each other. A big guy in overalls is standing and yelling:
- Lekha! Should I serve roofing felt?
A man and a friend came to the maternity hospital to look at their newborn daughter. He looks through the glass, is moved, then pushes his friend and says enthusiastically: “Look, he’s smiling, smiling!” - Damn, she doesn’t even look at you!
- Yes, I'm talking about the nurse!
A “new Russian” comes to the maternity hospital where his wife has just given birth. A nurse comes out to him: “You have a boy, 50 cm, 3700.” “New Russian,” taking out his wallet:
- Look, it’s inexpensive!
The man accompanied his wife to the maternity hospital. He got drunk, hung around, then fell asleep right in the lobby. At night the nurse pushed him away: “Man!” Wake up! You're having twins! - I have? - Well, yes…
- How much does your wife have?
A man comes to the maternity hospital: “How is my wife?” — Unfortunately, your wife died during childbirth. The upset man turns around and slowly heads towards the exit. Then the nurse catches up with him: “Sorry, there was an error!” Your wife is alive, alive, she gave birth to three! The man waved his hand:
- No, really!.. She died - that’s how she died.
“Seven don’t wait for one,” the nurses said and began the operation without a surgeon.
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With meaning
A person puts statuses about medicine with meaning when he understands all the imperfections of modern medicine and human vulnerability. By making fun of unlucky patients, people encourage themselves, because anyone can become such a patient today.
- A guy comes to the military registration and enlistment office, his arm is in plaster. Why plaster? Blood was taken from a finger for analysis. Why plaster? But I didn’t let him take it.
- If you examine all the people on the planet, it turns out that not a single one is healthy.
- Do you think that the most expensive pleasure is jewelry? No, this is medicine!
- Any mother who has raised two children on her own automatically receives a diploma as a pediatrician.
- Current medical school graduates say ok Google to find out an accurate diagnosis.
- Take care of your health, because there is no free medicine, and you don’t have enough money for paid medicine.
- The purpose of paid medicine is to relieve you of acute pain and leave chronic pain.
- There are only two types of free medical services: urine therapy and therapeutic fasting.
- A strike of medical personnel took place in the city of Limonadovsk. Newspapers wrote that the death rate in the city had dropped by a third.
- You can visit all the doctors, and only the doctor who works at the military registration and enlistment office will tell you that you are healthy.
- Doctor! Help! Remove this asshole from my brain immediately!
- Ward for dystrophic patients in the hospital. Seryozha, roll the pill! Why should I roll, let Denis roll, he is the strongest, he can hold a spoon!
- Medical science has run far ahead, that is, it has shown us its ass.
- As soon as paid medicine appeared, doctors became like medical leeches.
- Yesterday the local doctor said that I have the evil eye, respect for our medicine! And I, a fool, run around and take tests.
- While the patient can get through to the receptionist, he will need a ticket to see a psychiatrist.
- A man comes to see the doctor who has been pierced through and through with a crowbar. The doctor slowly asks: did you have chickenpox or tuberculosis in infancy?
- Nowadays people go to the doctor only to find out the diagnosis. And then they scour the Internet, looking for how to treat it.
- People are very happy to spend money on alcohol, cigarettes, junk food, and then want to be treated for free.
- That's it! You're dead, do you hear? You're already dead.
- Okay, okay, is there another doctor?
- All we have left of free medicine is a toast to health.
- Paradox: you cannot convince a paid doctor that you are healthy, but a free doctor that you need treatment!
- The Lord God gave the man two heads, but did not provide enough blood to nourish both at the same time.
- With our paid medicine, it is impossible to discharge a patient from cardiology. As soon as you present the bill, the citizen again needs treatment.
- Medicine is the art of entertaining the patient while his body fights illnesses.
- An autopsy of the patient showed that the patient died as a result of the autopsy.
- It’s nothing if you have flora in your intestines, it’s much worse when there is fauna.
- The cross on the medical emblem is a hint that the outcome of treatment varies.
- The worst temperature for the patient is room temperature.
Funny statuses about medicine
Vodka should be drunk very cold. Just icy. Then in the morning you will not have a shameful hangover, but a noble sore throat, on the basis of which any doctor is simply obliged to issue a sick leave.
***
- A typo on the poster at the entrance to the city clinic: “The treatment itself is dangerous to your health!”
***
So, the Hippocratic oath is now invalid in the absence of honey. policy and money.
***
Of course, medicine has reached enormous heights, and yet it still has not been able to defeat the common cold and prevent children from being born at the most inopportune times of the day.
Funny jokes about nurses
| Our website contains funny jokes about nurses. We read, smile, and maybe even laugh! |
The nurse burned me... I’m sitting in the dressing room at the emergency room. Then they bring in an ambulance a psycho with his veins cut. The sister examined him and said: “Now the boy will leave - I’ll tell you how to cut his veins so that you don’t come to us anymore...
- Doctor, tell me, why did the nurse just dance naked on the table, and now she’s standing next to her in a robe? - Well, sir... this means that the anesthesia no longer works!!!
A soldier visited a friend in the hospital and said in part: “Well, guys, our Vovka will be treated for a long time.” -Have you talked to the doctor?
- No, I saw the nurse!
In the maternity hospital. A young nurse comes out of the operating room and speaks to a man waiting for the results of his wife's labor. - Congratulations, man! You had a son with six fists... The man turned pale and almost fainted. And the nurse burst out laughing:
- They fooled the fool with four fists!
They put the priest in the hospital. And he had to get tested. The tests were carried out by a nurse. The next day the doctor reports the result: - You are in the second month of pregnancy.
- I told the devil - we’ll finish the game! - the priest answers.
— Why did your sister decide to become a dentist? “And she likes it when men look at her with their mouths open and their eyes wide.”
An elderly man asks the nurse: “When will I be discharged?”
- When the cardiogram straightens out!
In the operating room. Sister: - Doctor, doctor, we lost him!
- Well, there’s no need to worry so much, we still have a whole ward of them.
The two veterinarians finished operating on the elephant. “It seems we didn’t leave any tools inside?”
- By the way, where is our nurse?
The patient follows the pretty nurse with his eyes and says: “I would be sick and sick just to stay in the ward where you work.”
- It seems to me that it will be so. When you tried to kiss me, my betrothed, your attending physician, saw us.
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