Ilya Ilf and Yevgeny Petrov named the main character of their famous novels as a real sultan - Ostap-Suleiman-Bertha-Maria Bender Bey (Zadunaisky). But in all his adventures he was simply Ostap Bender. The “Great Combinator” knew “four hundred relatively honest ways of taking away money” from ordinary people. But he believed that “being a beggar is not so bad, especially with a moderate education and a weak voice!”
And today we offer to read quotes from one of the most famous rogues of our literature - Ostap Bender.
He loved money and suffered from its lack
Quotes from Ostap Bender about money
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He loved and suffered. He loved money and suffered from its lack.
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Tell me, Shura, honestly, how much money do you need to be happy?
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The client must be accustomed to the idea that he will have to give money. He must be morally disarmed, his reactionary possessive instincts suppressed.
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The time we have is money we don't have.
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You are a rather vulgar person - you love money more than necessary.
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I am an ideological fighter for banknotes!
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Since there are some banknotes floating around in the country, there must be people who have a lot of them.
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You don't drink, don't smoke, aren't into girls... Why do you need money? You don't know how to spend them.
After all, you are not my mother, my sister, or my lover. Ilya Ilf, Evgeny Petrov “Twelve Chairs”
Quotes from Ostap Bender
Prepared by: Dmitry Sirotkin
I present to you a selection of quotes from Ostap Bender, the main character of the novels by Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov.
In “The Twelve Chairs” and “The Golden Calf” the Great Schemer sprinkles his own quotes at almost every turn.
Quotes are summarized by topic: money, psychological impact, Russia, life, about myself, women, abroad, food, crime, love, mind, Kisa Vorobyaninov, people, car, bureaucracy, ideas, death, foppishness, Shura, pedestrians, happiness, childhood, religion, leadership, trust, time.
About money
He loved and suffered. He loved money and suffered from its lack...
I am an ideological fighter for banknotes!
You are a rather vulgar person, you love money more than necessary.
Half of mine is half of ours...
He will bring me his money himself, on a silver platter.
The financial abyss is the deepest of all abysses; you can fall into it all your life.
Since there are some banknotes floating around in the country, there must be people who have a lot of them.
Isn't faith in humanity worth a million rubles?
Five hundred rubles can save a giant of thought.
I am not holding out my paw for the sour executive committee ruble.
What money? I think you asked me about some money?
The client must be accustomed to the idea that he will have to give money. He must be morally disarmed, his reactionary possessive instincts suppressed.
Go, go, I only serve on Saturdays.
By the way, quotes about money
About the psychological impact
However, you can leave, but I warn you, we have long arms!
Why are you looking at me like a soldier at a louse? Stunned with happiness?
But this is shopkeeping, isn't it? Start a one and a half hundred thousand dollar business and quarrel over eight rubles! Learn to live generously!
I ask you, citizen, to clean the chair.
Don't overthink it. Keep quiet. And don't forget to puff out your cheeks.
Don't throw a premature tantrum. If you can no longer help but worry, then worry in silence.
I would stuff your snout, but Zarathustra doesn’t allow it.
Well, you, abortion victim!
Just don't shoot at the chandelier, it's unnecessary.
Why are you yelling like a polar bear in warm weather?
About Russia
Over the past year, serious disagreements have arisen between me and the Soviet authorities. She wants to build socialism, but I don’t want to. I'm bored of building socialism.
When I see this new life, these changes, I don’t want to smile, I want to pray!
The main thing is to eliminate the cause of sleep. The main reason is the very existence of Soviet power. But at the moment I cannot eliminate it. I just don't have time.
Since you live in a Soviet country, then your dreams must be Soviet.
The broad masses of billionaires are getting acquainted with the life of a new, Soviet village.
What a cold country we live in! Everything is hidden with us, everything is underground. Even Narkomfin with its super-powerful tax apparatus cannot find a Soviet millionaire.
Well, hello, great country. I am a private person and have no obligation to be interested in silos, trenches and towers. I am somehow of little interest in the problem of the socialist transformation of a person into an angel and a savings bank depositor. Vice versa. I am interested in the pressing issues of caring for the personality of single millionaires.
About life
Life dictates its harsh laws to us.
The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury, the ice has broken!
The trial continues, gentlemen of the jury.
Eh, Kisa, we are strangers at this celebration of life.
No, this is not Rio de Janeiro, this is much worse.
Life, gentlemen of the jury, is a complicated thing, but, gentlemen of the jury, this thing opens as simply as a box. You just need to be able to open it.
In the big world, people are driven by the desire to benefit humanity. The small world is far from such lofty matters. Its inhabitants have one desire - to somehow live without feeling hungry.
You always think: “I can still do this. There will still be a lot of milk and hay in my life.” But in reality this will never happen again.
So know this: it was the best night of our lives, my poor friends. And you didn't even notice it.
Kitty, you are a dense provincial! Nowadays no one uses the cash register anymore; there is an administrator window for this.
By the way, quotes about life
About Me
So, do I look like a person who might have relatives?
I'm not a surgeon, I'm a neurologist, I'm a psychiatrist. I study the souls of my patients. And for some reason I always come across very stupid souls.
Don't you recognize it? Meanwhile, many find that I am strikingly similar to my father.
You know, I'm not a financier. I am a free artist and a cold philosopher.
I am 33 years old - the age of Jesus Christ, but what have I done? He didn’t create a teaching, he squandered his students, he didn’t resurrect poor Panikovsky!
No need for applause! I didn't make the Count of Monte Cristo. We'll have to retrain as building managers.
Here I am a millionaire! An idiot's dreams come true!
About women
A sultry woman, a poet's dream. Provincial spontaneity. In the center there are no such subtropics for a long time, but on the periphery, in the localities, they still occur.
Women love: young, politically literate, long-legged...
He courted a typist whose modest hips unleashed his poetic feelings.
There is no girl in the world who would not know, at least a week in advance, about the impending expression of feelings.
The young woman was no longer young.
Wipe your eyes, citizen. Each of your tears is a molecule in space.
By the way, quotes about women
About abroad
Be strong! Russia will not forget you! Abroad will help us!
Abroad is a myth about the afterlife. Whoever gets there does not return.
Comrades!.. The political situation in Europe... Our response to Chamberlain...
Although we are not in Paris, you are welcome to our hut.
There is everything inside: palm trees, girls, blue express trains, the blue sea, a white steamer, a little worn tuxedo, a Japanese footman, your own billiards, platinum teeth, whole socks, dinners on pure animal oil and, most importantly, my little friends, fame and the power that money gives.
About food
Don't make a cult out of food.
Give me the sausage, give me the sausage, you fool! I will forgive everything!
The wreckage of a shipwreck floats in this naval borscht.
Don't eat raw tomatoes at night!
Keep in mind, dear Shura, I don’t intend to feed you for nothing. For every vitamin I feed you, I will demand many small favors from you.
By the way, quotes about food
About criminality
Only without criminality! We must honor the code.
I'm certainly not a cherub. I don't have wings, but I respect the Criminal Code. This is my weakness.
All smuggling is done in Odessa, on Malaya Arnautskaya Street.
A person should not sue. This is a vulgar activity. I mean theft. Not to mention the fact that stealing is a sin - your mother probably introduced you to such a doctrine in childhood - it is also a pointless waste of strength and energy.
About love
In passion, as in happiness, we all look for constancy, But nothing lasts forever under the sun - no.
You are gentle and amazing.
I have all the vulgar signs of being in love: lack of appetite, insomnia and a manic desire to write poetry. Listen to what I sprinkled last night in the fluctuating light of an electric lamp: “I remember a wonderful moment, you appeared before me like a fleeting vision, like a genius of pure beauty.”
Nobody likes us, except for the criminal investigation department, which doesn’t like us either.
There's no time to hug. Goodbye darling. We separated like ships at sea.
By the way, quotes about love
About the mind
This mental exercise seems to have exhausted you greatly. You are becoming stupid right before your eyes.
Oh, did you think? So you think sometimes? You are a thinker. What is your last name, thinker? Spinoza? Jean-Jacques Rousseau? Marcus Aurelius?
You can be a sweet and smart boy, do well at school, do well in university science courses - and after several years of regularly visiting the cinema, turn into an idiot.
About Kisa Vorobyaninov
Who do you think this powerful old man is? Don't say, you can't know. This is a giant of thought, the father of Russian democracy and a person close to the emperor.
Typical boy. Whoever says it's a girl, let him be the first to throw a stone at me!
Here's the police for you! So much for the high cost of chairs for workers of all countries! Here's to girls' night outings! Here's some gray hair in your beard! Here's a devil in your ribs!
About people
There is always that person who tries his best to be the last to speak.
There are people who don’t know how to suffer, but somehow it doesn’t work out. And if they do suffer, they try to do it as quickly as possible and unnoticed by others.
You are truly a hero of labor. You need to erect a monument not made by hands!
By the way, quotes about people
About the car
A car, comrades, is not a luxury, but a means of transportation!
Let's hit the roads and sloppiness with a motor rally!
Transport has completely gotten out of hand, there is only one thing left - to convert to Islam and travel on camels.
About bureaucracy
You need to show him some paper, otherwise he won't believe that you exist.
The office writes.
Mother intercessor, three-handed police! What kind of banal, disgusting bureaucracy is this?
About ideas
An idea is a human thought expressed in a logical chess form.
We need to think. For example, I am fed by ideas.
The gasoline is yours, the ideas are ours.
About death
I have often been unfair to the deceased. But was the deceased a moral person? No, he was not a moral person. He was a former blind man, an impostor and a goose thief.
Take off your hats, bare your heads. The body will now be removed.
I don't need an eternal primus needle, I don't want to live forever.
About foppishness
This is typical foppery: robbing a poor widow.
You are a dude, the son of a dude, and your children will be dudes!
Dudes! Why don't you beat your grandmaster? If I'm not mistaken, you wanted to beat me?
About Shura
Tell me, Shura, honestly, how much money do you need to be happy?
Shura, my dear, restore the status quo!
Shura, people like you should be morally killed on the spot. And I am leaving you alive only because I want to re-educate you.
About pedestrians
Pedestrians must be loved. Pedestrians make up the majority of humanity. Moreover, the best part of it. Pedestrians created the world.
In our vast country, an ordinary car, intended, according to pedestrians, for the peaceful transportation of people and goods, has taken on the menacing shape of a fratricidal projectile.
Oh happiness
Only an insurance policy can give a person complete peace of mind.
You are an interesting person! Everything is fine with you. It’s amazing, with such happiness - and in freedom!
By the way, quotes about happiness
About childhood
Rio de Janeiro is the crystal dream of my childhood, don’t touch it with your paws.
By the way, about childhood, when I was a child I killed people like you on the spot. From a slingshot.
About religion
How much is opium for the people?
You are not in church, you will not be deceived.
By the way, quotes about religion
About leadership
I will command the parade!
It’s time for you, leader, to be treated with electricity.
About trust
Maybe I should give you another key to the apartment where the money is?
Panikovsky will sell you all, buy you and sell you again... but at a higher price.
About the time
The time we have is money we don't have.
Soon only cats will be born.
By the way, quotes about time
About miscellaneous
The work of helping drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves.
Statistics know everything.
There are also sleeves from a vest, a circle from a donkey and ears from a dead donkey.
We will not forgive them for this! We will remember this for them!
The secret union of sword and ploughshare! Complete secret of the organization!
Newspapers must be read! Sometimes they sow reasonable, good, eternal things!
And now, let’s continue our games, as the editor of the humor magazine said, opening the next meeting and looking sternly at his employees.
But we don’t need rude people. We are rude ourselves.
Contact the World League for Sexual Reform. Maybe they can help there.
Kisa, can I ask you, how is an artist an artist? Can you draw?
I consider the evening of memories closed.
Don't awaken the beast in me, get out of here.
And the locker is like “Hey, Slavs!”
Being a beggar is not so bad, especially with a moderate education and a weak voice!
Saliva, as they spat before the era of historical materialism.
He got so drunk that he could already perform various minor miracles.
The picaresque image of Ostap Bender is very ambiguous from a moral point of view, but at the same time irresistibly attractive . Probably, among other things, he is attracted by the creative ability to find and realize opportunities contained in the life around us, but not noticed by others.
Quotes about Ostap Bender
- V. Kataev: As for the central figure of Ostap Bender’s novel, he was written based on one of our Odessa friends. In life, of course, he bore a different surname, but the name Ostap was preserved as a very rare one. The prototype of Ostap Bender was the elder brother of one remarkable young poet... He had nothing to do with literature and served in the criminal investigation department to combat banditry...
- D. Likhachev: However, the true “predecessor” of Ostap Bender is easy to recognize by “little things”; This is Amethyst in Mikhail Bulgakov’s play “Zoyka’s Apartment”. Ostap Bender, as an image, clearly depends on Amethystov, but the latter, in turn, depends on the image of Jingle in Dickens’s “The Pickwick Club”.
- A. Mironov: Ostap Bender is very different: he is always among people and yet alone; he is a dreamer and a rationalist at the same time; he is selfish and at the same time undoubtedly talented. His whole problem is that he does not find a worthy use for his talent; his energy and imagination are spent generously, but ultimately aimlessly. And that’s why Ostap is a dramatic figure.
- M. Schweitzer: We don’t want to mock Ostap. Let the viewer, together with the smart, energetic, charming hero - perhaps sympathizing with him, perhaps wishing him luck - go through the way of the cross of a friend of the Criminal Code and, together with him, be convinced that in the end there is a dead end! After all, this is a tragedy: life is wasted!
Next, you can move on to other collections of quotes:
- Bulgakov quotes
- Greene quotes
- Platonov quotes
- Pasternak quotes
- quotes from Paustovsky
- Gorky quotes
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