About life
Ostap Bender loved life and strived to live it the way he wanted. That's why he was so desperate to get rich and go to countries where sheer fun reigns. Its combinations are not just a way to earn money, but also an opportunity to make everyday life richer, to add a touch of romance and adventure.
Life is beautiful, despite the shortcomings.
This quote from The Golden Calf helps remind people to enjoy every day, even though not everything turns out the way one planned. We need to take advantage of the opportunities that each new day provides.
Funny and witty catchphrases from the movie “The Golden Calf”
* A car, comrades, is not a luxury, but a means of transportation!
* The gasoline is yours, and the ideas are ours!
* You can’t hit!.. You can’t hit! Bender doesn't allow it!
* Closer to the body, as Maupassant said!
* Throw the bird! Throw the bird, I say!
* As a child, I killed people like you on the spot with a slingshot.
* Our Black Sea department also has its weaknesses, its problems in the assay tent, but there is such bureaucracy as in “Hercules”!..
* You won't get far in this carriage of the past!
* There are shipwrecks floating in this naval borscht.
*You have nothing to lose except spare chains.
* I’ll tell you as if I were my own, Shura, you know how much I respect you, how much I love you, Shura...
* Soar, falcons, like eagles!
*Won't you drink vodka? Will you dance naked under the moon?
* Take me, I'm good, I'll never be again!
* Here I am a millionaire! So put me in a movie, the idiot's dreams have come true!
* Get up, Count, they are calling you from the dungeon.
* I'll get gold teeth and get married!
* Have you seen? Soooo! Have you seen? Everyone saw it! And you saw everything too! And you saw everything, you are all witnesses!
* You don’t know Panikovsky yet! Panikovsky will sell you all, and buy you, and sell you again, but for more!
* You are a tramp, Shura, a Gorky type! You need to be dressed up, umggg, given a major overhaul. Ostap.
* You know the news, Adam, every citizen, even a party member, is pressed by an atmospheric column weighing two hundred and fourteen kilos!
* Do you know what a goose is? - I know. - You know what a neck, a leg, a wing are! You know how much I love goose! - I know, we saw it in Arbatov. - Yes, you didn’t see anything! I kill him with one blow, like a bullfighter, I kill him! - Forward, forward, forward! - It's an opera when I'm walking on a goose! "Carmen", you understand! - Forward, forward, forward! - Listen, Kozlevich, this is a femina! This is opera! Leg, neck... neck... wing!
*Are you a thinker? What is your last name, thinker? Jean-Jacques Rousseau? Marcus Aurelius? Spinoza?
* You are a dude, the son of a dude and your children will be dudes!
* You did not descend from a monkey, like all other citizens, you descended from a cow: you are slow to think.
* Were you at the bishop’s name day?
* Maybe you want to stab me, chop my body into pieces, send me at low speed to different cities, and ferment my head in a barrel of cabbage?! So I'm against it.
* Newspapers must be read! Sometimes they sow reasonable, good, eternal things!
* Where were you raised, Shura! Hands right away! What's happened!
* Homer, Milton and Panikovsky - warm... warm company!
* Citizen, you are poisoned!
* Give me a million! Give me a million! Give me one million!... Give me a million!... * Girls love young, long-legged and politically literate people!
* For a good person, a million is not a pity!
* Life dictates its harsh laws to us.
* Became brown! He's turned brown, eh! I'm turning brown!
* The hearing continues, gentlemen of the jury!
* Connoisseur! Such experts must be killed!
* And an old woman can have a hard time, as the Polish beauty Inga Zajonc said a month after her marriage to my childhood friend Kolya Ostenbaken.
* And only in the morning, at dawn, I suddenly remembered that this verse had already been written by A. Pushkin. What a blow from a classic!
* Excuse me, girl, did you live near Marseille in 1898?
* You are an interesting person, Alexander Ivanovich! Everything is fine with you! Marvelous! With such happiness - and in freedom!
* What a fem... wow, femina, my God!
* When will we divide our money?
* I will command the parade!
* Who's against it? - I! - Unanimously!
* Who is Kozlevich, what should we share with him?! We don't know any Kozlevich!
* Okay, live, I forgive you! Ostap.
* Personally, I have four hundred relatively honest ways to take money! * Mom, let's go to the bins.
* Materialization of spirits and distribution... of elephants!
* I don't need an eternal needle. I don't want to live forever, I want to die.
* I will never get from you what my childhood friend Kolya Ostenbaken achieved from my childhood friend, the Polish beauty Inga Zajonc: he got love from her.
* I need five hundred thousand and, if possible, all at once, and not in parts. - Maybe you can take it in parts, hmm?
* You don’t have to count it, it’s like in a bank.
* Mulattoes, millionaires, bay, coffee export, Charleston called "My Girl Has One Little Thing"! What to talk about!
* A beautiful widow with Persian eyes will not sit on your grave, and tear-stained children will not shout: “Dad! Dad, can you hear us?!”
* Great battles await us! * I will not disturb you. This will prevent you from properly secreting gastric juices, which are so necessary for health.
* Don't make a cult out of food!
* No need for applause! I didn't make the Count of Monte Cristo. We'll have to retrain as building managers. End.
* There is no Rio de Janeiro, and there is no America, and there is no Europe. There is nothing. And in general, the last city on earth is Shepetivka, on which the waves of the Atlantic Ocean crash.
* No, this is not Rio de Janeiro!
* From ten to four you are for Soviet power. But I’m the only one who knows about your second life, from four to ten.
* Panikovsky doesn’t have to believe everything, Shura!
* Saw, Shura, cut!
* Writes, look! Ilf and Petrov! * The defendant tried to kill me, but, of course, only out of pure curiosity: he just wanted to know what was inside me.
* Go to Kyiv, and that's it! — What kind of Kyiv? - Go and ask what Panikovsky did before the revolution. Go and ask. That's all! Go and ask. - So what? - No, you go and ask, and they will answer you that before the revolution Panikovsky was blind, Shura!
* Only an insurance policy can give a person complete peace of mind.
* One and a half million people, and all of them are wearing white pants!
* It's time to start working bourgeois life in Rio de Janeiro!
*After learning about your past and present, I have lost faith in humanity. Isn’t this worth a million rubles?!..
* You will have to act not only on land, but also at sea.
* Trade Union of Proletarians of Mental Labor!
* I ask those who are nervous to leave the hall!
* You workers are like a sieve made from a dog's tail!
* Since there are banknotes floating around in the country, it means there must be people who have a lot of them. Ostap. * Do I look like a person who has relatives?!
* You should part with money easily, without groaning.
* Crying, he climbs into the cupboard and takes out a plate with blue... what? - With a border! * The most important thing is to cause confusion in the enemy camp. The enemy must lose his mental balance.
* Today, take the train and head to the West, to large cultural centers.
* Nowadays many people forget the names of the heroes of the revolution. The fuss of NEP. There is no more enthusiasm!
* How much money do you need to be happy? - One hundred rubles. - No, Shura, you didn’t understand me. Not today, but in general. For happiness, okay? May you feel good in the world. - For complete happiness? - Yes. - Six thousand four hundred.
* Hats off! Bare your heads! The body will now be removed!
* Even Narkomfin with its super-powerful tax apparatus cannot find a Soviet millionaire.
* Our Skumbrievich confessed and could not stand the confrontation. Let us down!
* You can immediately see a person from an earlier time, Shurochka! There are no such people anymore. Where?! And soon it won't be at all. One, two - and that's it!
* Comrades! International band... the situation... our response to Chamberlain... and I beat him for the weights and fought with him even earlier.
*Theft only. - Only robbery. - Only theft, Shura! - Only robbery!
* Don't you have a cold cutlet in your bosom?
* The lieutenant had three sons: two were smart, the third was a fool.
* I have a wife, children and another woman in Rostov-on-Don.
* Such Tolstoyans must be killed!
* They took the girl away! They took me straight out of the stall!
* Let's hit the road rally against impassability, sloppiness and bureaucracy!
* Do you recognize, do you recognize brother Kolya? - I’ll find out, I’ll recognize brother Kolya!
* I beg you, do not eat raw tomatoes at night, so as not to harm your stomach.
* His last name was Nebaba. Crystal soul!
* It was a good folder! It’s a pity to give it away, but I need money!
* Why do you yell like a polar bear in warm weather?
* What will happen now! What will I do with him! - Citizen, citizen! - Do not touch me! - This is not a night bar... - What will I do with it! - ...there is a milk cafe here. “You don’t know, this is a sea of blood!” Now there will be murder!
* Shura, launch Berlaga!
* This is for me, this is for him, this is for him too, this is for Ostap Ibrahimovich, this is for me, no, this is for here, this is for me, this is for Ostap Ibrahimovich, this is for me, this is for him, this is also for him, this for me, this for Ostap Ibragimych...
* He was a former blind man, an impostor and a goose thief.
* This is the end! - This is the end of the first episode, student! First episode! * I am a poor student, I am a part-time student. I do not have money! Poor childhood in Kremenchug! My uncle breastfed me! Ostap.
* I am not a cherub, I do not have wings, but I respect the criminal code - this is my weakness.
* I'm very poor... I haven't been to the bathhouse for a year... I'm old... girls don't like me... * I serve only on Saturdays.
* I approach from the left side, and you enter from the right side. Dark, very dark! I press it to the side on the left side, and you press it to the side on the right side. Then this fool stops and says: “You are a bully!” He tells me. “You are a bully! You are a bully! Me: “A bully?” And you also come up and say: “Where is the bully? Are you being a bully? At this time I banged him!..
* I'm buying a plane! Wrap it in paper!
* I sat under Alexander II, the liberator; I sat under Alexander III, the peacemaker; I sat under Nicholas II, the bloody one; under Kerensky, hmm! I was sitting too! Under war communism, I didn’t sit: there was no work. But how I sat under the NEP, oh-oh-oh! Episode. I sat under Alexander II, and under the third, and under Nikolai Alexandrovich Romanov, and under Alexander Fedorovich Kerensky, and under the NEP, and during the frenzy, and before the frenzy, and after the frenzy... I sat under tsarism, I sat under socialism, I sat under the hetman, and now I’m unemployed...
* I am the son of Lieutenant Schmidt. Remember? Ochakov.
* I am the son of a Turkish subject, therefore, a descendant of the Janissaries, and the Janissaries have no pity for women, children, or underground Soviet millionaires.
* I am Pound! All my life I have sat for others, this is my profession - to suffer for others!
* You know, I’m not a financier, I’m a free artist and a cold philosopher.
Attitude to religion
During the Soviet era, most people were atheists. The people believed that religion only clouded the mind, and especially enterprising people could use it to control people. Ostap Bender was also an atheist, but not out of protest that someone could take advantage of the influence of religion. The great strategist believed that church ministers did not adhere to religious dogmas and did not lead a modest lifestyle.
An example is one of the heroes of the first book, Father Fyodor, who was no less enterprising than Ostap. Bender competed with him not only in drawing up scams, but also in wit. Here is one of the famous quotes from the movie “The Twelve Chairs”:
How much is opium for the people?
Supporters of socialism compared religion to opium because religion has a special effect on the people. Therefore, it is not surprising that in a dispute with Father Fyodor, Ostap Bender uttered this phrase.
However, he released the brothers in peace, and they ran out into the street, feeling great relief. They stopped around the corner from the executive committee house.
“Speaking of childhood,” said the first son, “in childhood, I killed people like you on the spot.” From a slingshot.
- Why? — the second son of the famous father asked joyfully.
- These are the harsh laws of life. Or, to put it briefly, life dictates its harsh laws to us. Why did you go into the office? Haven't you seen that the chairman is not alone?
- I thought…
- Oh, did you think? So you think sometimes? You are a thinker. What is your last name, thinker? Spinoza? Jean Jacques Rousseau? Marcus Aurelius?
The red-haired man was silent, depressed by the fair accusation.
- Well, I forgive you. Live. Now let's get acquainted. After all, we are brothers, and kinship obliges. My name is Ostap Bender. Let me also know your first surname.
“Balaganov,” the red-haired man introduced himself, “Shura Balaganov.”
“I’m not asking about profession,” Bender said politely, “but I can guess.” Probably something intellectual? Are there many convictions this year?
“Two,” Balaganov answered freely.
- This is not good. Why are you selling your immortal soul? A person should not sue. This is a vulgar activity. I mean theft. Not to mention the fact that stealing is a sin - your mother probably introduced you to this doctrine in childhood - it is also a pointless waste of strength and energy.
Ostap would have developed his views on life for a long time if Balaganov had not interrupted him.
“Look,” he said, pointing to the green depths of the Boulevard of Young Talents. - Do you see the man in the straw hat coming over there?
“I see,” Ostap said arrogantly. - So what? Is this the governor of Borneo?
“This is Panikovsky,” said Shura. - Son of Lieutenant Schmidt.
Along the alley, in the shade of the august linden trees, leaning slightly to one side, an elderly citizen was moving. A hard, ribbed straw hat sat sideways on his head. The trousers were so short that they exposed the white strings of the long johns. Under the citizen’s mustache, a gold tooth glowed like the flame of a cigarette.
- What, another son? - said Ostap. - This is getting funny.
Panikovsky approached the executive committee building, thoughtfully drew a figure eight at the entrance, grabbed the brim of his hat with both hands and placed it correctly on his head, pulled off his jacket and, sighing heavily, moved inside.
“The lieutenant had three sons,” Bender noted, “two smart, and the third a fool.” He needs to be warned.
“No need,” said Balaganov, “let him know next time how to violate the convention.”
- What kind of convention is this?
- Wait, I’ll tell you later. Entered, entered!
“I’m an envious person,” Bender admitted, “but there’s nothing to envy here.” Have you ever seen a bullfight? Let's go have a look.
The children of Lieutenant Schmidt, who had become friends, came around the corner and approached the window of the chairman’s office.
The chairman sat behind foggy, unwashed glass. He wrote quickly. Like all writers, he has a face. it was sad. Suddenly he raised his head. The door swung open and Panikovsky entered the room. Pressing his hat to his greasy jacket, he stopped near the table and moved his thick lips for a long time. After that, the chairman jumped up in his chair and opened his mouth wide. Friends heard a prolonged scream.
With the words “all back,” Ostap pulled Balaganov along with him. They ran to the boulevard and hid behind a tree.
“Take off your hats,” said Ostap, “bare your heads.” The body will now be removed.
He wasn't wrong. Before the rumbles and overflows of the chairman’s voice had even died down, two stalwart employees appeared in the portal of the executive committee. They were carrying Panikovsky. One held his hands, and the other held his legs.
“The ashes of the deceased,” commented Ostap, “were carried out in the arms of relatives and friends.”
The employees pulled Lieutenant Schmidt's third stupid child onto the porch and began to slowly swing it. Panikovsky was silent, obediently looking at the blue sky.
“After a short civil funeral service...” Ostap began.
At that very moment, the employees, having given Panikovsky’s body sufficient scope and inertia, threw him out into the street.
“... the body was buried,” Bender finished. Panikovsky fell to the ground like a toad. He quickly stood up and, leaning to one side more than before, ran along the Boulevard of Young Talents with incredible speed.
“Well, now tell me,” said Ostap, “how this bastard violated the convention and what kind of convention it was.”
CHAPTER II. THIRTY SONS OF LIEUTENANT SCHMIDT
The busy morning was over. Bender and Balaganov, without saying a word, quickly walked away from the executive committee. A long blue rail was being carried along the main street on parted peasant passages. Such ringing and singing stood on the main street, like a driver in fisherman's canvas overalls without not rails, but a deafening musical note. The sun was shining through the glass window of a visual aids store, where two skeletons were hugging friendlyly over globes, skulls and a cardboard, cheerfully painted drunkard's liver. In the poor window of the stamp and seal workshop, the largest space was occupied by enamel plaques with the inscriptions: “Closed for lunch”, “Lunch break from 2 to 3 o’clock in the afternoon”, “Closed for lunch break”, simply “Closed”, “Shop closed” and , finally, a black fundamental board with gold letters: “Closed for re-registration of goods.” Apparently, these decisive texts were in greatest demand in the city of Arbatov. To all other phenomena of life, the workshop of stamps and seals responded with only one blue sign: “Nanny on duty.”
Then, one after another, three stores of wind instruments, mandolins and bass balalaikas were located in a row. Copper pipes, sparkling depravedly, lay on the storefront steps, covered with red calico. The bass helicon was especially good. He was so powerful, so lazily basking in the sun, curled up in a ring, that he should have been kept not in a display case, but in the capital's zoo, somewhere between an elephant and a boa constrictor, and so that on days of rest parents would take their children to him and talk : “Here, baby, is the Helicon pavilion. Helikon is sleeping now. And when he wakes up, he will definitely start blowing his trumpet.” And so that the children look at the amazing pipe with big, wonderful eyes.
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005 10:07 + to the quote book (collected by me) 1. Money in the morning, chairs in the evening! 2. The ice has broken, gentlemen of the jury! 3. Saw, Shura, saw. 4. With such happiness - and in freedom. 5. What masses?! What kind of workers?! Ostap Ibrahimovic, when will we divide our money?! 6. Load oranges in barrels 7. I beg you, just don’t eat raw tomatoes at night 8. An organism exhausted by Narzan 9. And your janitor is a big vulgar. Is it possible to get so drunk on a ruble? 10. Be strong! Russia will not forget you! The West will help us! 11. I think bargaining is inappropriate in this situation. 12. Won’t a hundred rubles save a giant of thought? 13. He realized that they would now beat him, and possibly kick him. 14. Monsieur! Zhe ne mange pa sis jour. Give it to a former employee of the State Duma. 15. Not true - you were deceived. This is a Shanghai leopard. 16. Hey, you are an abortion victim. 17. I will tell you, Shura, as if I were a relative: would I have told you about these weights if I could carry them alone?! But I'm an old sick man! 18. A car is not a luxury, but a means of transportation! 19. You know, Shura, how much I respect you! But you're an ass! You are an ass, Shura!!! 20. Maybe you’ll still take it in parts? I would take it in parts. But I need it right away. (dialogue between Shura and Ostap about the amount of a million rubles). 21. Kitty! You have a talent for begging since childhood! 22. Whoever says that this is a girl - let him be the first to throw a stone at me 23. Ostap suffered... 24. How much is opium for the people? 25. Why are you silent, like the League of Nations! 26. The work of helping drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. 27. Be rude. Boy. Your entire back is white. Let's go in a taxi. 28. Son of a Turkish subject: Ostap Suleiman Berta Maria Bender Bey 29. Villager, do you have a grandmother? - No. - An orphan, that is. 30. Well, stretch your legs, you old fool! 31. Consent is a product with complete non-resistance of the parties 32. The capital automatically moves to Vasyuki 33. A new batch of old women?! 34. -Notice your jewelry! Their! -Nationalized! 35. -Not for the sake of selfishness, but only by the will of the wife who sent me! 36. -They will rush to look for furniture, but where are they, furniture? 37. -What wonderful weather it is today! 38. -Music, is the goose ready? 39. -All smuggling is done on Malaya Arnautskaya Street in Odessa! 40. - Proletarian of mental labor! Broom worker! 41. Or maybe you want me to work for nothing and also give you the key to the apartment where the money is? 42. Ho-ho, boy! 43. Where is this - Rio Engineering? 44. Half of mine is half of ours. 45. Abroad will help us! 46. You and I are strangers at this celebration of life 47. I will command the parade! 48. Only cats will be born soon!
| Categories: | Let's laugh |
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About people
Ostap Bender had a very good understanding of people. Even appearance could tell him a lot of interesting things about a person. The great schemer had an incredible gift of persuasion, excellent leadership qualities and organizational abilities. Ostap could unite people who, it would seem, could not find a common language. All these talents made Bender an interesting personality.
It should also be noted that Ostap was a very active person. Even if the combinations were unsuccessful, he did not indulge in sad thoughts, but immediately began to come up with a new plan. He tried not to get attached to people, and his communication depended on what benefits they could offer him.
There are people who don’t know how to suffer, but somehow it doesn’t work out. And if they do suffer, they try to do it as quickly as possible and unnoticed by others.
This is because they are too active natures, they are not used to giving up, they believe that only a person himself can build his own happy future. Even if something hurts them, they try not to show it to others so that they do not know about their vulnerabilities. Or they may simply be overly cheerful people who always believe in the best.
About the situation in society
This is how Ostap Bender imagined a successful person, and what position in society he always strived for:
Blue sea, white ship. A slightly worn tuxedo, a Japanese footman. Platinum teeth, socks without holes, your own billiards, and most importantly - the power, respect and fame that money gives.
The great schemer believed that it is money that allows a person to occupy a high social position. But he did not take into account the fact that in Soviet times he could not have achieved any of this with the help of millions. There they assessed a person on completely different qualities: talents, intelligence, hard work.
Quotes from “The Golden Calf” and “12 Chairs” became some of the most beloved among viewers. Witty and not devoid of meaning, they immediately captivated the audience, and in conversations they began to often use the statements of the heroes of these films.
