Adviсe
- What is trust?
- What prevents you from trusting yourself?
- How to learn to trust yourself?
- Why doesn't a person trust other people?
- Learning to trust other people
When talking about happiness, we cannot escape the concept of “trust.” It gives reliability and security. When you have no one to rely on, life becomes stressful. Peace of mind comes from knowing that there is support and support nearby. Relying only on yourself is a heavy burden, but when there is no trust in yourself, life turns into a tragedy.
A person without support is like an inept tightrope walker who risks falling onto the hard ground from a great height. He himself refuses the life-saving trampoline, preferring to crash. How can you learn to trust yourself and other people? To answer this question, you will have to look inside yourself and find out the essence of this phenomenon.
What is trust?
Is trust a feeling or an emotion?
It’s definitely not easy to answer. The concept of trust involves having a sincere, open relationship and trusting that the other person is well disposed and will demonstrate honesty, loyalty and integrity. That is, complete trust is a stable opinion that a person will not show himself in a negative way, will not cause harm or deceive. Trust is an essential component of friendships or romantic relationships. It includes not only an emotional, but also a cognitive component, that is, some knowledge about a person that confirms his good attitude and lack of desire to cause harm. Trust is when you know for sure that you can count on someone else in any situation.
Important!
Trust always comes with some degree of risk. There is no guarantee that a close friend or lover will never betray. Therefore, in order to trust, you must have a certain courage.
“Only a free person can experience a true sense of trust”
Trust is a comfortable feeling: it saves you from headaches and unnecessary worries. Meanwhile, the question “to trust or not to trust?” Most of us usually answer in the negative. What trust depends on and what influences it, says Doctor of Economics (PhD), Associate Professor at the International Institute of Economics and Finance of the National Research University Higher School of Economics, Head of the Laboratory of Experimental and Behavioral Economics, Senior Researcher at the Institute of World Economy and International Relations of the Russian Academy of Sciences Alexey Belyanin.
What is trust?
I like this definition: trust is an inner feeling expressed in the fact that a person can identify the interests of another person with his own. In other words, if I trust someone, I can rely on him as on myself. The sensory nature of trust means that there is no objective measure for it—at least until one has been discovered. It is known, however, that trust is correlated with certain hormones, with currents and processes in the human brain that can be measured. But this is a correlate, not a magnitude, of trust.
If trust is associated with currents in the brain, does that mean its level can be artificially changed?
Yes, and it is clinically proven. You can, for example, inject a person with a certain dose of a hormone - for example, serotonin, or the “happiness hormone”, which promotes openness and goodwill - and the level of trust increases. But in everyday life this is not so easy to do. Therefore, there are other ways to stimulate trust. For example, if you find yourself in a room where loud music is playing, where everything is painted in aggressive colors (for example, red and black), where strange people walk around and look at you askance, you will probably feel nervous tension and will react to those around you people at least with caution. And here is another room: soft light, cozy furniture, green and blue tones predominate, everyone is smiling - and you, on the contrary, relax, calm down and begin to relate to the world with a high degree of trust. It is not for nothing that the first atmosphere is typical for casinos, and the second - for private clinics.
How and when does a person develop a sense of trust? What are its origins?
Initially, a person develops trust in his mother, it is almost prenatal, this is the original biologically formed connection between mother and child. The identification of mother and child is a very stable process, and several years pass before it is broken and the child begins to fully recognize himself as a separate physical being. If at a very early stage the mother shows the child that the world is kind to him, that no one will hurt him, that they will always help him and protect him, then the child learns to trust others. If the mother behaves differently and the child sees only negative things from her, he develops distrust and even a guilt complex.
What else influences the development of trust?
The environment and, more broadly, the society in which a person is located. We know that in some countries the level of abstract trust is very high. For example, in Scandinavian countries it reaches 60%, and, say, in Portugal or Romania - only 10%. This is a significant gap. It is clear that these countries have different styles of education and relationships between people.
What is the level of trust in Russia?
Levels of trust are measured as the percentage of respondents from a representative sample who answered positively to questions such as “Do you think that most people can be trusted, or is it never too much to be cautious in your relationships with people?” Russia is located somewhere in the middle on this world scale. In the USSR, trust measurements using international methods were not carried out, but there is much evidence that previously the level of trust in our country was much higher. In the post-war years, when leaving home, people could tie the door with a string or leave a note on the door: “Dear, the key, as always, is under the rug, soup is on the stove. Kisses, mom." Come in whoever wants, eat soup, do whatever you want - there was no feeling that this was fraught with anything. The destruction of trust most likely happened very quickly, in one or two years, in 1991-1993, between the two coups. This time was enough for people to understand: now there is a different life, a different country, a different situation, and they must rely mainly on themselves, and not on their neighbors. During this period, a severe blow was dealt to the national consciousness, psyche and people’s perception of the society in which they live.
Which countries surround us on the trust scale? What company did we find ourselves in there?
Many European countries are at approximately the same level: Great Britain and Germany are slightly higher, in the same place as the USA, France is slightly lower. Ukraine is located on this scale at approximately the same place as Russia, Belarus is slightly higher. The level of trust depends not only on material well-being. In Estonia and Israel, trust is low, even lower than here, although the countries are quite rich, and Estonia is practically Scandinavia. But these countries are multi-ethnic: Estonia has Russian and Estonian populations, Israel has Jewish and Palestinian populations, and relations between them are far from ideal. There are many migrants in the USA, there are still people alive who remember what racial segregation is, and the country does not feel like a single organism. On the other hand, in a short historical period, the country has grown to the point where it elected a black Barack Obama as president - and this should not be forgotten either.
It turns out that a high level of trust can be expected in countries that are monoethnic and unattractive for immigration, as well as in states with strict migration policies?
Much also depends on who comes to these countries and from where: from states with a high level of trust and a similar social situation or not. In multi-ethnic countries, this level can also be quite high: in Switzerland, for example, there are three communities, in Belgium - two, and they have coexisted more or less peacefully from time immemorial. In Scandinavian countries, the level of trust is largely determined by government institutions. Yes, taxes are high there - they reach 60%, but by taking money from people, the state spends it on its citizens. These countries have strong social support: for example, a single mother in Sweden may not work for the rest of her life. And, on the contrary, if she wants to work, companies will create all the necessary conditions for her. Scandinavian society has agreed that such behavior is the norm, and it did so, of course, from above.
Is trust related to the level of freedom?
I think that only a free person in the deepest sense of the word can experience a true sense of trust. Jesus, for example, trusted a person, but the later Karl Marx did not. And trust in this sense, of course, differs from trust mixed with fanaticism towards leaders of nations, such as Hitler or Stalin. The nature of this trust, which degenerates into mass social psychosis, is a separate philosophical problem. If we talk about civil liberties, then, as the data show, there is some correlation between them and trust, but even weaker than with GDP. Civil liberties depend on the quality of the state, and trust depends on the entire society as a whole, so it is not entirely correct to compare them.
What is the connection between trust and the culture of a country?
Cultural factors significantly influence the level of trust. For example, there is such an experiment: a group of people are blindfolded, let into a house and asked to find a way out of it. At the same time, people are told: when you are tired or desperate, you can ask the organizers for help, and they will take you out. Gradually people begin to give up and ask for help. But there are always those who are still looking for a way out with their eyes closed, and most often these are Eastern people, mostly Chinese. Such an experiment was carried out in Tibet, and no one there asked for help, despite the fact that this was the only way to leave the house. There are other experiments that show that representatives of Eastern cultures tend to have lower trust in others and higher trust in the word of a leader than Westerners.
But trust in the leader and the state is characteristic of many peoples.
Yes, this is to some extent a social norm. And very often this trust turns out to be unfounded and unjustified. The German people trusted Hitler to a high degree, our people trusted Stalin. And this trust was not widely questioned until these leaders died. Of course, there were people who understood what was really happening, but they were a minority, and society as a whole was inclined to the social norm, which says: you need to trust the leader, he knows best what to do.
It seems that now in Russia the level of trust in government is falling. Is this a violation of a social norm?
Russia is very different. In some places, trust in government is very high. And it varies in the degree of meaningfulness and validity. Much depends on the activity and awareness of people. We carried out measurements in our laboratory and found out that in Russia there is a group of prosocially active people (about 20%) and antisocially active people (about 15%), but the average person is socially neutral, he doesn’t care what happens around him. Alienation from one’s social self, from one’s civic identity is very characteristic of Russia. This is one of the consequences of the perestroika years, because back in the late 1980s there was a different atmosphere and a different social norm: it was almost indecent not to think about the country, about its future. We are now seeing serious social apathy, and this seems to me a bigger problem than the presence of not only
pro-, but also anti-social groups.
Is there a correlation between trust and mistrust, on the one hand, and individualism and social orientation, on the other?
My colleagues Vladimir Magun and Maxim Rudnev from the Higher School of Economics conducted a study on this topic, and it showed: if we break down the value judgments of Russians into components, it turns out that conservatives predominate in our country, and people who are open to change, as a rule, turn out to be individualists . On the contrary, there are very few people concerned with public interests - and this is the main difference between the Russian value system and the Western European one. It is not difficult to assume that a high degree of individualism coupled with conservatism (as opposed to openness) should lead to a small radius of trust.
What are the circles of trust of the average Russian? What does it include?
The first circle of trust is, of course, family. This is the most important value for us, we value it very much. In this case, family can be understood more or less broadly. As a rule, these are spouses and children - no matter what kind of relationship you have with them. Family status determines a high level of trust, with registered marriages providing more trust, and civil marriages providing less.
The second circle is various relationships of brotherhood and sisterhood, for example, military brotherhood. We conducted research on the police system and noticed that there are norms “today you, tomorrow me” and “they don’t hand over their own” - that is, the system protects its members. This is typical for any more or less closed environment - trust there is necessary, at least for self-defense. If at least one member of the crew of a ship that goes to sea feels bad, then everyone will feel bad. Even in the army, where hazing is rampant, the concepts of “our company”, “our crew”, etc. are valued.
Another circle of trust is trust based on shared social experience. You are a Dynamo fan - and I am a Dynamo fan, you are a developer - and I am a developer, you are a driver - and I am a driver, even if you are a professional truck driver, and I only go to the dacha fifty kilometers away to get some air. This brings us very close together - even though we don’t know anything else about each other, we experience the same things, we have common experiences and common problems. This is situational trust, which, paradoxically, can be translated into a fairly wide range of interactions, not necessarily related to the subject of mutual interest.
Which institutions enjoy the greatest trust among us?
A representative survey of the population of Moscow, which we conducted in November-December 2011, showed that in first place in terms of level of trust we have the Orthodox Church - 3.6 out of 5 points, followed by the armed forces - 3.13 points, FSB - 2, 97 points, prosecutor's office - 2.86 points, police - 2.78 points, government - 2.87 points, parliament - 2.59 points, courts - 2.71 points.
It turns out to be a rather crowded picture, but, I repeat, these are data only for Moscow—for Russia the spread is much greater. There was no trust in the president in this poll, but according to other polls (for example, Levada Center), now in Russia it is approximately at the level of
30 to 40%. What is most alarming here, of course, is the low level of trust in the courts—this figure is the worst.
This picture is generally understandable if we consider the sources of information that people use. We, however, were interested in a specific question - sources of information about the work of the police, but in Moscow the main source turned out to be the central television channels - from it they draw information from
50 to 60% Muscovites. Then, by a large margin, come radio and print media - they have up to 10%, and the Internet brings up the rear with 5-10%.
If institutions influence the level of trust, does the level of trust influence institutions?
Of course. If you trust the police, laws, courts, public services, why will you need police officers on every corner? Citizens themselves will understand that there is no need to break the law, that criminals are severely punished, they will explain this to their children and they themselves in the family will wean those who may become potential criminals from the idea of committing crimes. If you trust the state and its institutions, then you have more reason to convey this practice of trust to the people around you, and they, in turn, will more often justify this trust and understand that others must be trusted. These are interconnected things.
That is, if we suddenly begin to trust the courts, they will work better for us?
I wouldn’t say that about our courts - they are, of course, “the most humane in the world,” but it’s not without reason that these words have to be put in quotation marks. The mechanism you are talking about requires well-established feedback: if justice cannot be found in court, what kind of trust can there be in it? Conversely, if you, as a taxpayer and citizen, understand that any injustice can be resolved, then this will change your behavior and increase the level of trust in others.
Another question is, can our courts change while all other institutions remain unchanged? Of course not. There must be serious social changes, some kind of large-scale transformation, for this sense of trust in the courts to begin to be restored. They will not change on their own from within - they simply have no need to change.
What effect does trust have on the economy?
A large radius of trust in affairs, especially in business, leads to a reduction in transaction costs. Roughly speaking, if we don’t trust each other, we must check the quality of the product, hire experts, police, private detectives to check our partner in order to understand his ins and outs. This is effort and resources that could be better spent if we didn't feel that review was necessary. Of course, by paying a policeman or an auditor, we contribute to the economy - we increase their purchasing power, but this is much less productive than investing in our own business.
Saltykov-Shchedrin has a good example of a loss of trust: “It’s not a problem if they give half a ruble for a ruble; Otherwise there will be trouble when they start punching you in the face for a ruble.” Basic trust in the ruble in the sense that it can be used means that you can go to the market, give a ruble to the seller and expect that they will give you normal, not rotten goods, and not in the face.
But what is probably more important is not even the direct costs associated with low trust, but the indirect ones. If the investor does not have confidence that his investment will pay off, that his rights will be protected, and that the rules of the game will not change unexpectedly, then there will be no investment. Such costs, unlike transaction costs, are difficult to measure. At the same time, underinvested funds taken to Cyprus offshore or simply hidden in a box are worth much more. Therefore, we can say that transaction costs are the lower bound of the costs of distrust in the economy. Moreover, it can be assumed that the most productive people will take their money out rather than invest it, and this will certainly lead to the suppression of business activity in the country.
How can the level of trust in the country be increased?
Collaborative social practices are very useful in this regard. Understanding that you can do something common with someone and get some results from it is very important. An example of such practices is the volunteer movement. The research I took part in showed that one of the most important motivations for volunteering is not just positive physical action, but the realization that you are not alone, that there are other people who care. This brings together even people who are very different in social status.
In the same way, any joint civic action increases trust, for example, collecting signatures - in favor of building a playground or against building a road through the forest. If the authorities oppose such activities, this will unite them even more: people will protest, and even if the protest is suppressed, this will most likely only lead to the expansion and growth of civic activity. These kinds of collaborative social practices allow for the creation of trust from below.
Another option is trust created from above. Let’s say the authorities say: “Let’s forget everything that happened before this moment, start with a clean slate and never lie to each other again.” There are different ways to approach this scenario, but if events develop this way, it gives a powerful impetus to building trust. A case in point is Colombia. Just twenty years ago, Bogota was one of the most criminal cities in the world. Then the post of mayor there was successively occupied by two people - Antanas Mockus and Enrique Peñalosa, who changed the city in just fifteen years. Social infrastructure appeared there, respect for traffic rules and the law arose, the murder rate dropped by an order of magnitude, that is, the city was transformed. Of course, the personal example and charisma of the mayors played a huge role in this - it was to them that the residents of the capital responded.
Of course, reforms from above will only work if there is demand for them. If people say: “we live in a swamp, and we feel good here because this is our homeland,” then nothing will change. And if society demands change and if there is a leader who is trusted and popular among the people who will lead the reforms, then the situation can be turned around.
What are your predictions: can we expect an increase in the level of trust in our country?
If you develop social practices and carry out joint actions that bring people together, I think trust can be increased. This process, it seems to me, has begun at a slow pace, locally: somewhere stronger, somewhere weaker. I believe that facilitating this process is in some way the civic duty of any person who feels connected to Russia.
However, if we think realistically, then I see more reasons for pessimism than for optimism, primarily because the majority of citizens of our country do not care about it. In addition, in Russia there are many different disunited groups of people who are ready to break out and go to war against each other at any moment. All this gives rise to great concern. It is not known whether society has enough responsibility and maturity to resolve all issues through negotiations and not with a cudgel. But this is also a question of the internal picture of the world and trust in others, including dissidents. And yet, I still want to remain in the ranks of optimists: after all, everything positive that has been done on earth was done with their hands, and such things will definitely pay off in a historical perspective.
Is trust always justified?
Trust can be reasonable or unreasonable, blind.
In the first case, this feeling appears after prolonged communication with another person. That is, after knowledge appears about his reactions, mood, character and methods of behavior in various situations. Reasonable trust is based on some shared experience. Blind trust is characteristic of infantile people who are not able to give a rational assessment of the behavior of others.
Sometimes blind trust is the result of specific upbringing. If parents protect a child from any negative experience, trying to instill in him that the world is a safe place where only kind, open people live, a person can retain such a belief as an adult. By default, he trusts everyone he meets, which leads to a series of disappointments. And this, in turn, turns into embitterment, closedness, and reluctance to open up to other people. Therefore, in the process of upbringing, it is very important to explain to the child what trust exists and why it must be earned.
Important!
Trying to protect the child, parents are able to undermine his trust in the world. By suggesting that there are a lot of “bad” people around, they form the attitude that you can’t trust anyone. In the future, this negatively affects the ability to have close, warm relationships.
Why doesn't a person trust other people?
Without trust, it is impossible to feel safe, and this is one of the basic needs. Support from others creates a feeling of comfort. To feel supported, you need to trust. This is a natural desire. But what makes him resist?
Critical attitude towards others
Inflated expectations lead to distorted perceptions of others. The desire to control everything and adjust it to your own plan ends in inconsistency of actions. The result is disappointing. Pickiness about little things prevents you from seeing sincere aspirations and changes in other people and prevents you from trusting anyone but yourself.
Negative past experiences
Previous disappointments force a person to close himself off from those around him with a dome of mistrust. The danger of repetition of unpleasant situations forces us to “insure ourselves” and rely only on ourselves.
High or low self-esteem
To trust others means to show weakness, to recognize others as equals. With low self-esteem, self-doubt and fear of causing difficulties to others prevent you from trusting others.
Shortcuts
Prejudices prevent a person from seeing their true potential in the people around them. Everyone already has an image assigned to them: a hooligan, a blockhead, an irresponsible lazy person, a romantic, a bore, a naive. And how can you trust a person if the image already limits his abilities?
Negative prejudices
“You can’t trust anyone” is an ironclad attitude of the subconscious, instilled in us from childhood. The deeper it is hidden, the more it affects relationships with others. As long as a person lives with negative ideas, he cannot trust even those closest to him.
Is it good to be distrustful?
What does trust mean?
A short definition is that trust involves being able to open up to another person, to show them your weaknesses, based on the belief that this will not be used for harm. However, you can never get a guarantee that a loved one will not deceive or betray. Therefore, some people are sure that they should not trust anyone. There is some logic in this, because a feeling of trust always comes with some risk. But is it worth refusing to trust others? This will protect you from disappointments in the future, but at the same time it will not allow you to enter into close emotional relationships. How is trust expressed? In openness, the opportunity to be yourself, take off the mask and relax, show your true self. If a person tries not to do this, those around him will feel an invisible wall through which they are unlikely to want to “break through.” A distrustful person is incapable of close friendship; it is difficult for him to love and be loved. This is the price to pay for refusing the risk of being betrayed.
Often people lose their ability to trust after experiencing negative experiences in the past. Betrayal and betrayal make you lose trust and openness. This process can be compared to the formation of a conditioned reflex. Love and trust are associated with the subsequent pain of disappointment. And a person tries to avoid this emotion, refusing to love, get close to others, or trust them. Overcoming this obstacle is not easy: it may require many years of work with a psychologist or lengthy self-analysis.
After betrayal
If a person says that “I don’t trust people because I was betrayed in the past,” then this means only one thing - the burden of disappointments once experienced does not allow the latter to live fully and be happy. In this case we are talking about betrayal of a loved one.
It is possible that a woman was once betrayed by her husband, and after breaking up with him, she was never able to find personal happiness and get married again due to her distrust of the opposite sex. The problem in this case is obvious.
In such a situation, people need to find the strength within themselves and forgive their ex-partner. But it’s still not worth returning to the traitor. Especially if the husband has already cheated on his wife.
If the offender still repents and asks for forgiveness, then you need to listen to him. This will make things easier for both partners.
There are couples who, having separated due to the betrayal of one of the partners (most often the husband, because men very rarely forgive betrayal), reunite to start a family. But without trust they can no longer build normal relationships. In such a situation, time must pass. It is possible that in a few months the resentment will pass, emotions will subside, and the spouses will be able to build a new harmonious relationship.
Self-confidence
Trust in psychology is a term that is considered in the context of relationships with oneself and with one’s inner world.
It is expressed as follows:
- the ability to trust your emotions, listen to your intuition
. Intuition is knowledge gained from the perception of information about the world at a subconscious level. Intuitive knowledge helps determine a person’s attitude, predict a situation, and make the right decision. People who know how to trust their “sixth sense” are often more successful than those who try to drown out their inner voice and act only on the basis of rational knowledge; - trust in your own body
. Those who trust their body, picking up its signals about the need to rest, exercise, or prefer a certain type of food, usually suffer less from psychosomatic diseases. They know how to listen to themselves and “decipher” the signs that the body sends.
Self-confidence is an emotion that is formed in childhood.
Trust depends on the behavior of the parents. Let's consider the situation: a child complains that something hurts, and the parents, instead of understanding what is happening, try to convince them that there is no discomfort. What happens in this case? The child perceives parents as figures endowed with infinite authority. He trusts them more than himself. As a result, one’s own feelings are relegated to the background. The body is wrong, but the parents are right. This destroys the feeling of trusting oneself. Self-confidence - what is it and what is it for? It helps you live more consciously, follow your nature, take care of yourself and use your resources rationally. It can also be developed in adulthood. To do this, ask yourself what you really want at the moment, and don’t be afraid to indulge your little weaknesses and your instincts (within reason, of course).
What is the use of mutual trust?
If we talk about the usefulness of trust, there are many positive aspects. First of all, responsibility to each other is the foundation of strong relationships and friendly coexistence. By trusting each other in business, it is easier to conduct business and achieve effective results without spending a lot of effort and time on it.
When we trust someone, we rely entirely on the integrity and diligence of the person to whom we reveal our secrets or entrust an important task. Trust is the foundation on which strong relationships are built in various forms. This is friendship and family and business. Only by trusting people will our society move forward, but unfortunately not everyone understands this
When one person trusts another, it has a positive effect not only on your overall results, but also on the people around you, such relationships can be beneficial.
As for the life together of a man and a woman, trust plays an even greater role here. After all, it is impossible to live next to a person who cannot be trusted. You won't be able to make plans for the future together because you don't have a sense of commitment to each other, and that's what trust is all about. Joint efforts can multiply all your efforts, which will help you achieve enormous results in a short period of time, be it a business or a family relationship.
Mutual trust allows you to focus your thoughts and actions on important matters and actions, without thinking about the negative consequences that may arise from a lack of trust between people. If you know that no matter where you are, you will be treated fairly, no one will deceive you or let you down, then life will be much easier. Thus, our world can be made better and much more can be done through joint efforts. Such harmony is the key to a successful society, capable of great opportunities and great discoveries. Trust is the main link in the chain of positive events, which can greatly increase labor productivity and the effectiveness of actions performed.
Trust is one of the main emotional components that allows two people or groups of people to interact to achieve a positive result. Of course, in some cases the goal may be to achieve negative results, but that's a completely different story. The main thing is to understand that trust is a well-coordinated mechanism that works for the benefit of one and the other person. Without trust there can be no friendship, strong and close-knit family, or successful business.
What are the consequences of a lack of trust between people?
If we talk about absolute trust, then in addition to the positive features there are also negative aspects of such relationships. It is worth understanding that as soon as you begin to get used to decency and honesty, people can always appear who are capable of betraying and will set you up at any moment. Honest relationships between people directly simplify our lives, thereby relaxing us and making us less vigilant.
The high level of trust in society makes us weak when we encounter unscrupulous people. In fact, there are a lot of envious and aggressive individuals among us. There are always those who gloat at our failures, those who are ready to ruin all our efforts in an instant. That is why you must always be on alert to prevent an attempt to deceive or act dishonestly towards you.
We cannot know for sure what is on another person's mind, especially if it is a person we barely know. Such people often ingratiate themselves to take advantage of our position or status for personal gain. They don't care that you might fail or suffer significant damage from such actions and intentions.
Therefore, I strongly recommend not to let your guard down and always use critical thinking and question any joint actions. But, at the same time, do not do this to the detriment of your partner, so as not to spoil the relationship.
When trusting people, be extremely careful, because people can very skillfully pretend to be something they are not. In order to trust people, you need to carefully consider all the known actions and deeds of the person to whom you want to assign some responsibilities. Modern reality shows us a very low level of trust between people in society. Perhaps this is related to politics, since today they are the only ones deceiving their people in order to profit from the grief and misfortunes of their own citizens
We live in a world where everyone is for themselves, few are willing to lend a helping hand when you really need it. Here, deception and betrayal can overtake us at any moment. Such a life forces us to be in constant tension and fight for a successful outcome. This is due to the fact that today every person is ready to do anything for their own well-being, even to deceive or betray. Of course, such an attitude towards life is unlikely to lead to anything good, but, nevertheless, this is how this world works.
How to learn to trust?
Why is trust needed?
First of all, in order to learn how to build close relationships and feel calm and confident in them. Trusting a person is an opportunity to be open with him and show your true self. Learning to trust is quite possible. To do this you need:
- Ask yourself how much trust you allow for yourself
. Are you ready to completely trust another or is it important for you that certain areas of your personality remain closed to others; - Trust is a quality that is not assumed by default
. Don't beat yourself up if you don't trust everyone you know. Only infantile people behave this way. Evaluate the behavior of a loved one, analyze how he behaves towards you in order to understand whether he is trustworthy; - Think about what trust means to you personally
. You can do a psychological exercise: write down your personal definition of trust on paper. This will help you navigate your own experiences and emotions; - Think about the reasons why you stopped trusting others
. Perhaps you had a negative experience, were betrayed, or were not given the help you needed. It is important to understand that if one person betrayed you, this does not mean that everyone else will do the same.
Important!
Trust is a psychology based on openness and the ability to let people get close enough to you. Immediately after experiencing betrayal, people often withdraw into themselves, losing the ability to trust. This is absolutely normal: it takes time to regain faith in others. If you find yourself in this situation, don't rush yourself. Perhaps you just need to distance yourself from everyone for a while in order to bounce back and restore your emotional resources.
Addition
Why doesn't a person trust? Most often, precisely because he has already encountered deception and betrayal in his life. However, not all people who have had negative experiences in the past withdraw into themselves and stop seeing and communicating with others. Although this also happens.
For example, a man no longer wants to build serious relationships with women due to the fact that his beloved girl did not wait for him from the army. The latter believes that all representatives of the fair sex can do the same. But, fortunately, this is not the case. Moreover, when people have such fear of building new relationships and meeting another person, they definitely need to work through this problem with a psychologist and get rid of it. This needs to be remembered.
Should you trust others?
What is trust?
This is the ability to be yourself, to open up, to believe that a loved one will not hurt, at least intentionally. What does it mean? Trust involves the ability to get close without risks or fears. However, as they say, “trust but verify.” Blind trust is a shortcut to disappointment, but reasonable trust is an opportunity to find true friends and true love!
Do you think it is necessary to trust people and in what situations can trust be completely lost?
Elizarova Liliya · 04 Jul, 2021
A short introduction
First you need to figure out why a person stops trusting other people. In fact, every negative experience experienced in the past leaves a serious imprint not only on the soul, but also on the heart. Most often, mistrust arises due to the experienced betrayal of a loved one, the deception of a friend or comrade. In most cases, past problems in relationships with people can seriously harm a person in the future.
Many of us have at least once heard the following phrase from someone: “I don’t trust people.” But why does this happen? Is a lack of trust in other people a serious barrier to living a fulfilling and happy life? Unfortunately, yes, but this problem can be dealt with.
Summary information
So, now we have fully understood what trust is and what is the basis for building a trusting relationship. You can find different interpretations of the word trust, in Soviet or modern Russian dictionaries, but their meaning is the same.
Trust is complete confidence in the good intentions of one person towards another, his honesty and sincerity, as well as his conscientious attitude towards assigned tasks or requests inspire the greatest degree of trust. Failure to fulfill conditional obligations, betrayal or deception can lead to loss of trust for an indefinite period of time or for life.
However, it is worth remembering that there are several options for regaining trust. We are all human beings and can make mistakes, so be vigilant and try to avoid situations that could undermine your trust with a person or society.
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