Cool aphorisms and funny quotes about men

Cool statuses about men

If a man is a ram, then no matter how the lioness spins around him, he will still look at the sheep!

Men are like pimples: at first they irritate you, then you get used to them, and then they disappear!

When a man carries a carpet, he is obliged to shoot it at the garages, like a bazooka.

A real man talks about how he drank, and not who he slept with.

The motto of many guys is: “Monogamous - ... but many things!!!”

If men ruled the world, then socks were invented that always existed in pairs. Left in different places, they would energetically crawl towards each other...

A man is like a tan, first sticks and then washes off...

A woman consists almost entirely of places called indecent words...

There is a man - be a man! No man - spin the hoop!

Only the military registration and enlistment office can accept a man as he is.

Do you think Don Juan can conquer everyone? Ha, what kind of childishness?! In fact, he is simply unable to refuse anyone.

What is the difference between a strong man and a weak one? When you feel bad, the strong one will help you, and the weak one will pretend that it’s even worse for him.

If a man feels bad, he looks for a wife, if a man feels good, his wife looks for him...

He didn't stop drinking, he didn't stop smoking. He won't leave me either.

The best way to get a man to do something is to hint to him that he is too old for such things.

If a husband gives flowers for no reason, then there is still a reason...

Men are smarter, but fools still deceive them.

Many men, having fallen in love with a dimple, mistakenly marry the whole girl.

A real man is adorned with stubble and character, not skinny jeans!

According to statistics, men die 14 years earlier than women, so at 32, grab 18-year-old boys and drag them to the registry office and die in one day, like in a happy fairy tale

You can wait for a prince all your life, but you always need a man...

If a man had a son, then he became a father, and if a man had a daughter, he became a daddy!

If men's dreams of an ideal woman came true, then legs, breasts and lips would walk the streets.

Just as women sometimes need a strong male shoulder, so men sometimes need firm female breasts...

A real man's balls don't bother him, but they do itch.

Real men don't cry to their bosses in their vests, they blow their noses there!

All men are bastards. Those who are not bastards are boring

Men snore to protect women from wild animals!

A man with refined taste is looking for a girl 92.34 x 61.71 x 93.45. Not boring.

A man without a wife is like a leaf without a caterpillar.

The man said - the man pretended... he didn’t say anything...

Modesty adorns a man, but a real man does not wear jewelry.

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If I were a Sultan...

If the girl is not a Muslim, then the prospect of a harem will definitely not make her happy. To be one among many, and not the only one, is humiliating. Look for your man who will love only you, and avoid the Don Juans. The status about a womanizer with meaning will convince you of this.

1. Quarrel in a crowded place: - You're a male, you won't miss a single skirt! − Are you scolding me or advertising me?
2. Alphonse is a womanizer who loves grandmas more than women.
3. - You are a terrible womanizer! - No, I'm cute! - But all your women are scary!
4. Don't run after every skirt, otherwise you'll be left without pants.
5. No matter how many women a man has, it’s never enough for him.
6. Real gentlemen let the ladies go first. And males - never!
7. For you, girls are like cigarettes: if you smoke, you enjoy them, if you smoke, you throw them away. And you change them in batches. But one day a drop of nicotine will show itself.
8. The womanizer vows to move mountains for the girl, but there are no overturned mountains.
9. And where is the justice? A walking man is a good fellow, a walking woman is a whore.
10. – Why did you name the dog “Male”? - It’s so funny when I call him on the street, and all the men turn around.
11. You need to be labeled “For external use” so that no one would think of falling in love.
12. You speak words of love to everyone without hesitation, looking into their eyes and unfastening your fly...
13. Lovelaces follow the young ones, because they cannot deceive us, experienced ladies.
14. Not Casanova, but an overly sociable guy.
15. Our Vasya is a real womanizer, inventive and very careful, having been beaten right in the eye by his husbands more than once, he has learned to hide reliably!
16. The older a woman is, the sweeter the word “womanizer” sounds from her lips.
17. For a womanizer, all women are “fish” and “sunshine”. To avoid confusion with names.
18. To restrain your male dog, do not keep him on a leash.
19. The alpha male is like tar: sticks, hardens, falls off.
20. Gray whores of a womanizer...

Status about womanizing guys

– a reason to think for men and women. It’s not a fact that this will fix the ladies’ man. But, perhaps, it will take off the “rose-colored glasses” for many girls.

Serious male statuses with meaning about life, success

1. Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
2. Life is not a problem to be solved, it is a reality to be experienced.
3. It's better to be strong than beautiful and useless.
4. Only great minds can afford a simple style.
5. When I think that I have already learned to live, life immediately changes.
6. My life is a fight with beasts at every level.
7. In matters of style, go with the flow, but in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
8. Looking good is not about conceit, it is about self-respect.
9. My style is what “I like,” not what “others like.”
10. If you want to cry, use a napkin, not your status.
11. Life is like a balloon. If you never let go, you won't know how high you can rise.
12. Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.
13. Champions train, losers complain.

14. Excellence in business is not a skill, it is an attitude.
15. Life is like toilet paper: either you're on a roll or you're wiping shit up after others.
16. My circle of friends is small because I like quality, not quantity.
17. Don't ask my opinion if you can't understand the truth. I'm not going to lie to make you feel better.
18. Life is hard, but it's even harder if you're a fool.
19. Never tilt your head. Always keep it raised high. Look the world straight in the eye.
20. Dream big and don't be afraid to fail.
21. Behind every successful man is a pack of haters.
22. Never argue with a fool or an idiot, otherwise you will become one of them.
23. Life is simply a chance to grow a soul.
24. My purpose in life is to be a cautionary tale for others.
25. I don't take life too seriously because I know I'll never get out of it alive.

Funny and humorous male statuses

1. 80% of guys have girlfriends. The remaining 20% ​​have brains.
2. In my house I am the boss, my wife only makes decisions.
3. I'm not lazy, I just conserve my energy.
4. Just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I'm alone. I have food and internet.
5. Come on, guys, let's drink to our stupidity.
6. I always dream of becoming a millionaire, like my uncle. He dreams too.
7. I tried to lose weight... But I was always bursting.
8. Another funny status for guys. I tried to be cool today, but I'm tired of being cool yesterday.
9. Some of the best things happen in your sleep. So I became a sleepy dreamer.
10. I want someone to give me a free loan and then leave me alone.
11. Warning. I know KARATE and a few more oriental words.
12. I'm not drunk, I'm just chemically imbalanced.
13. Take my advice... I don't take it.
14. I never make the same mistake twice. On the contrary, I do it five or six times, just in case.
15. My parents should be proud of me because I'm addicted to Telegram, not drugs!
16. Phones are better than girlfriends, at least you can turn them off.
17. My words are like a Chinese telephone. They have no guarantee!
18. Life taught me many lessons, but I failed those lessons too.
19. Stay calm and know that Google can help you find a way to solve any problem. If not, he will tell you who can do it.
20. If you fail to convince them, then just try to confuse them.
21. When you look at school books, think about what a waste of wood they are!
22. Toilet message: treat me well, keep me clean, I won't tell anyone what I saw.
23. I started from scratch and I still have most of it.
24. The husband is not a dog; he doesn’t chase bones. (Read more interesting quotes about your husband to understand him better).
25. When I was born, I was so surprised that I didn’t speak for a year and a half!

Men's statuses in VK, Tinder, Instagram and WhatsApp for boys and men

1. I need someone who sees the fire in my eyes and doesn't mind playing with it.
2. I don't like girls, except for the girl reading my status.
3. I'm generally a good person until they make me angry.
4. Don't judge my past, look at my present. I'm sure my future will really shock you.
5. If you are too open to other people's thoughts, your brain will fall out.
6. A soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.
7. Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but I get bored and become myself again.
8. Don't stop until you are proud of yourself.
9. I am single because God is writing the best love story for me.
10. Keep talking, you're making me famous.
11. Coins always make a sound, but banknotes are always silent! That's why I'm always calm and silent.
12. If nothing works according to the rules, move away from the rules.

Short and funny statuses for men and guys

1. Live beautifully. Die old. Be naughty. Rejoice and be merry.
2. A man in love is incomplete until he is married.
3. A gentleman never talks about his tailor.
4. Style is a reflection of your attitude towards your personality.
5. You have to be smart. The carefree days are gone.
6. I am a handsome man with an attractive personality.
7. For success, attitude is as important as skill.
8. Loving your own status means valuing yourself.
9. A gentleman is just a patient wolf.
10. A man with patience is the master of everything else.
11. Anyone who reads my status, get lost in my visit.
12. Silence is the best answer to a fool.
13. The biggest slap in the face to your enemies is your success. (We recommend finding out what will help you achieve real success in life).
14. And you will hear my roar!
15. Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons.
16. Know your worth. Then add tax.
17. Sleep until you're hungry. Eat until you want to sleep.
18. Blood type: matte black with a hint of gold.
19. I am everything you want but can't have.
20. My signature, my style, my personality.
21. Silent people have the loudest minds.
22. My opinion may have changed, but it is not a fact that I am right.
23. I'm handsome and cool and there are no ifs and buts.

24. Weakness of character in bad appearance.
25. Always trying to cool myself down.
26. Be quiet and let your success scream.
27. Follow your heart, but don't be stupid.
28. Mistakes are proof that you tried.
29. Don't ask me questions and I won't lie to you.
30. You've never seen my bad side before.
31. Don't be the same, be better!
32. Geniuses think alone.
33. I'm just as cool as hot coffee.
34. The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.
35. I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.
36. You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
37. Happiness never goes out of style.
38. Believe in yourself.
39. I haven't lost, my success is just delayed.
40. It's crazy... I'll be back in five minutes.
41. Is it cool to be me? Please don't copy my style.
42. Stay calm, don't freeze.
43. Error: status unavailable.
44. My determination is beyond my wits.
45. I'm not arguing, I'm simply explaining that I'm right.

Wise and beautiful male statuses for real guys and men

1. Men's fashion is a form of escapism, not imprisonment.
2. A real man knows that his actions carry more weight than any words he says.
3. It is the attention to detail that makes the difference between ordinary and excellent.
4. It's not that I'm so smart. It's just that I've been dealing with problems longer.
5. Manners matter. Good looks are a bonus. Humor is a necessity.
6. Love me as I am, not as you want me to become. Either “yes” or “no”. So simple.
7. Be like the sun, keep shining, and let the world burn under your feet.
8. Your attitude matters. Don't say: no one likes me. Just say: there is no one like me.
9. Being a boy is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of personal choice.
10. I like to stay focused, chase my dreams and move towards my goals.
11. Guys who don't have girlfriends probably have brains.
12. Be well dressed, behave like a gentleman and shine your shoes, dear!
13. I don't care about anyone's popularity. I live in reality based on its originality. Forget about someone's views, and respect the individual.
14. I'm never good enough for everyone. But I am the best for those who understand me.
15. Beware of the smart person who makes what is wrong look absolutely right.
16. I don't consider myself a charming person, but I can definitely charm you into liking you.
17. Smart people never lose hope. All they think about is winning.
18. Losers always complain while champions practice.
19. Don't call me a nerd or a geek because of my glasses. I just have beautiful eyes.
20. The better you feel, the less you feel the need to show off.

Men's statuses about love and relationships

1. If my heart was a canvas, every square centimeter of it would be painted with your colors.
2. WARNING: You may fall in love with my face.
3. My friend says I need to be more gentle. Now I have another girlfriend.
4. I'm having technical difficulties with relationships today. I apologize for the inconvenience I may cause you. It is recommended to avoid for safety reasons.
5. Just the thought of you brightens up my mornings, brings smiles to my evenings and makes my day better. (Read beautiful good morning wishes for your beloved wife).
6. Sometimes I wonder if love is worth fighting for? But then I remember your face and I'm ready for war.
7. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
8. Someone asked me: how is your life? I simply smiled and replied, “My wife is fine.”
9. I'm not Spider-Man or Superman, but I'm a superhero to my friend!
10. A sober man does not demonstrate his courage just because his girlfriend wanted him to.
11. Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: either they don't have a wife to go home to, or they do.
12. The real reason women live longer than men is because they don't have to live with other women.
13. I want to wake up at 2am, roll over, see your face and know that I'm where I'm supposed to be.
14. I offer a win-win option! We'll flip a coin and see: heads - I'm yours, tails - you're mine.
15. And in your smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.

List of cool male statuses for men and guys about the meaning of life, success, love and relationships

Nowadays, men and guys are also looking for funny and cool phrases to use as status on their Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp or VK pages. By this they want to show their attitude towards life, love or their actions. Therefore, on semyadeti.ru we have collected cool male statuses for men and boys of all ages.

We encourage only positive attitudes towards status phrases and captions on your social media profiles. A cool and beautiful Instagram status or caption can be a great way to tell the world what drives you. And don't worry if you have trouble putting your feelings into words.

You can choose your favorite phrases and expressions from more than 170 ready-to-use examples and use them as your statuses and signatures.

Are all men bastards?

Of course, that's it. And you need to hit him right in the face... in the sick person, in general. With a pen, so as not to cut it with an ax - statuses about bastards.

1. How many little innocent girls has Santa Claus deceived? And why? But because he is a man. That's right - all men are assholes!

2. Of course, I love animals, but not enough to communicate with a pig.

3. What a fool I was. After all, they say correctly: “A smart girl kisses, but does not love. He listens, but believes. And she leaves before she is abandoned.” I had to run.

4. Men are like postage stamps - the more you spit, the better they stick.

5. The “ideal plan” of any man: get a girl; we find out that she has her own opinions, desires, plans; whining about how she blows her mind; We live with our mother until we are 50 years old.

6. The act of a modern man - he was offended and removed from friends.

7. Are all men the same? No, not the same - every new man will deceive and disappoint you in a new way.

8. Reading the statuses of some men about wolfish fidelity, I just want to say: “It’s not for you to whine to male dogs about loyalty.”

9. It has been proven that men are the best cooks - what they do best is... NOODLES!

10. Men with model haircuts most closely resemble roosters in a chicken coop.

11. It is difficult to please men: some women are not to their liking, others are too tough for them, and others are beyond their means.

12. If a guy promises to give you the sky, the stars and the whole universe, then this means only one thing - he definitely doesn’t have money.

13. For men, life is a zebra: blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette. And women have a zoo: a donkey, a goat, a ram, a pig.

14. The essence of masculinity: staring at a florist's ass while she makes a bouquet for his girlfriend.

15. I read one guy’s status: “Married, but still something is missing...” I couldn’t stand it and wrote: “Rogov, probably!”

It hurts, it’s offensive, but the main thing is not to be ashamed!

Has your next boyfriend disappointed you? Betrayed trust? Respond to the offender with a caustic status, so that he feels, if not as painful, then at least ashamed. A little humor, a little cynicism and a piece of heartbreak.

1. Maybe I’ve become smarter or more cynical, but so many people are indifferent to me now.

2. At some point, we still forget that person we thought we couldn’t live without.

3. Those people who talk behind your back will always be there.

4. Doesn't like it? Take him as an example.

5. Stupid... You walk through the city at night, you don’t notice anyone, you cry, mascara is smeared on your cheeks, but you don’t care. And he... he’s on the other side, you were betrayed, forgotten. Damn this kind of love!

6. Every woman dreams of hearing at least once: “Darling, hit me in the face with a frying pan, otherwise I’ll go nuts.”

7. Men promise everything so beautifully and explain so beautifully why they couldn’t keep their promise.

8. How sometimes you want to get into men’s heads to understand what’s going on there and why their words don’t match their actions.

9. Men, don’t flatter yourself. Only amino acids are essential!

10. Do you want to hear a bedtime story? Send an SMS with the text “I know everything” to your man.

11. As my grandmother said: “Do you know what the difference is between Paris and a man? Paris is always Paris."

12. Sometimes you look at men for whom you previously had sympathy, and you involuntarily begin to doubt your adequacy.

13. Men are like advertising - you need to be healthy skeptic about everything they say.

14. If a man called a woman a “bitch,” it means that he has lost all hope of calling her a “stupid.”