Funny jokes and jokes about friends
- Damn, my arm is already tired! - You can’t even imagine what an ambiguous phrase this is.. - No, you didn’t understand everything correctly.. I was just helping a friend.. - You’re just making fun of my imagination!
- Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are! — My friend is a Colonel General of the FSB. - Lucky! Two friends: - Tolyan, I’m getting married! - Cool! Let's walk at the wedding! On whom? - Well, what about who? Who have I been friends with almost since first grade? - Sanya, don’t blame me, but my parents will be against it... What to do if you don’t have a friend? Answer from the 4-year-old nephew: - You need to make a trap for your friend and tie his legs so that he doesn’t run away. To stop crying, give me a cookie. A friend comes to a friend’s dacha and sits down to dinner: “Do you want a clean plate or a washed one?” - Of course, clean. After eating a little, he asks: “What’s the difference?” “I washed the washed one myself, but the clean one was licked by the cat.” - What should I bring you? - I'll have a latte macchiato. — And I’ll have a mojito with ice. — I’d like an apple smoothie. “And I’ll have a beer and three damn new friends, please.” Two friends take pictures on the phone: - Eww, what a face!!! - Look at mine!!! - And I was looking at yours. Two friends are talking: - Sorry friend, I slept with your wife. - It's okay, I sleep with her every night. Friends ordered seven call girls for a friend's birthday. Marked excellent. The next day is the “debriefing” stage. The satisfied birthday boy thanks: “Yes, thank you, everything was great, only I could only manage five, but I was pretty drunk.” But if I had been sober, then, of course, I would have been able to do more... - You know, if you were sober... YOU WOULDN’T HAVE ANY OF THEM!!!...
A patient comes to a psychotherapist: “Doctor, I have no friends at all.” Maybe you can at least help me, you fat old man?
— My friend keeps a hamster in a jar. - Well, what's wrong with that? - Just imagine: pickle, cucumbers, tomatoes and a hamster! A guy is sitting on a bench. - Pfft! Ppts!. A friend comes up and asks: “What happened?” The guy replies: - Sit down, I’ll tell you... The friend sat down: - In short, it turns out that the bench is painted. The social network offers possible friends: “You may know them.” Of course, I know them, that's why I don't add them. - Maaam, I’ll go for a walk with my friends. - Just come back sober. - OK. Then I will come in 2 days. A watchman calls his accountant friend on the local phone: - Hello! What are you doing there now? - Yes, as usual - reconciliation, summary... - Quickly kick Verka out and hide the vodka! The commission is coming to you! A friend is obsessed with puzzles. I decided to give him a Rubik's Cube. A couple of squares have come off. I glued it wrong. Tomorrow I'll go and check on him in the mental hospital. All my friends got married. Who will drink with me? Egoists! They only think about themselves. A friend calls: “Hello, Tanya, are you home?” - Yes! - Made up? - No! - Then come out quickly, otherwise some hooligans have become attached to me in the yard! Conversation between two friends: - Sometimes it seems to me that you are crazy. - Sometimes? - Yes sometimes. The rest of the time I have no doubt about it.
Cool aphorisms and funny quotes about your best friend
In all sorts of ways and ways, nature teaches people consent. Not content with expressing mutual affection in words, she made the community not just pleasant, but also necessary.
Each of our friends is a whole world for us, a world that might not have been born and which was born only thanks to our meeting with this person.
Miracles are beautiful, and to console a brother, to help a friend rise from the depths of suffering, to forgive an enemy for his errors—these are the greatest miracles in the world.
Giving, taking, sharing a secret, asking questions, giving a treat, accepting a treat - these are the six signs of friendship.
People on earth should be friends... I don’t think it’s possible to make all people love each other, but I would like to destroy hatred between people.
And whoever, in need, rushes to former friends, turns them into enemies himself.
Do not rudely break the thread of friendship, because if you have to tie it again, a knot will remain.
Truly, there is nothing better in life than the help of a friend and mutual joy.
Friendship is not such a pathetic flame that it can go out in separation.
True friendship is truthful and courageous.
A friend should take on part of the friend's grief.
When you light other people’s candles from your lamp, you do not lose a single particle of flame.
Choose your friend slowly, and be even less in a hurry to change him.
Anyone who refuses to forgive another, as it were, destroys the bridge over which he himself will have to cross, for every person needs forgiveness.
A brother may not be a friend, but a friend is always a brother.
He who wants to have a friend without faults remains without friends.
Friendship multiplies joys and crushes sorrows.
Like-mindedness creates friendship.
Those who illuminate the lives of others will not be left without light themselves.
Food and friendship are the small miracles that love can accomplish.
Friendship is content with what is possible without demanding what is due.
The only way to have a friend is to be one yourself.
The one who has never sought either friendship or love is a thousand times poorer than the one who has lost both of them.
Friendship is brotherhood, and in its most sublime meaning it is its most beautiful ideal.
Know how to be a friend - you will find a friend.
Close friendship occurs among people who are similar to each other.
Sincerity of relationships, truth in communication - this is friendship.
Of all the things that wisdom gives you for the happiness of your whole life, the most important is the possession of friendship.
A friend is one soul living in two bodies.
By trying for the happiness of others, we find our own.
True friendship is a slow-growing plant, which must be experienced in trouble and misfortune before it deserves the name.
The eyes of friendship are rarely wrong.
Anyone looking for an ideal friend will be left without friends.
Live with people so that your friends do not become enemies, and your enemies become friends.
Happiness is incomplete until you share it with others.
To be friends is to love rather than to be loved.
The meaning of true friendship is that it doubles joy and halves suffering.
In order to live long, save for yourself old wine and an old friend.
Only a friend's hand can tear the thorns out of the heart.
A person needs another person.
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Funny jokes about friendship
If people send you ugly selfies, it means your friendship is real.
In the spring, Leopold the cat always counts on something more than just friendship. How you had to be disappointed in people to call a chainsaw the word “Friendship”... - There is no female friendship. It is a myth. – There is no friendship between a man and a woman either... We conclude that women are unfriendly creatures. If you help a friend in trouble, he will certainly remember you when he gets into trouble again. When my friends become businessmen, I will sell their unsuccessful photographs from my archives for crazy money and buy a villa on the Cote d'Azur. The rarest type of friendship is friendship with your own head. Female friendship is when two women envy each other silently. — Can there be just friendship between two men or does nature take its toll over time? - Nature definitely takes its toll, and they go looking for a third... The law of friendship: “You may not be delighted, but you still have to like it.” In Thailand, a holiday romance ended in strong male friendship.
Check it out: Jokes about pessimists
- When I die, bury me with my friends. - For what? – There has never been such a hole from which we could not get out! Friendship can be different... For me, a dog is a four-legged friend, but for a birch tree it is a three-legged enemy. Never say anything bad about yourself. Your friends will do it. Baby and Carlson. Winnie the Pooh and the Rabbit. Their example proves once again: friendship will be much stronger if at least one has something to eat.
Beautiful statuses about friendship with meaning
*** Friends are when they listen, understand, don’t judge, and help in difficult times.
*** Friendship is when you meet, sit on a bench... and you don’t have to talk. You can simply be silent with each other - and leave with a wonderful feeling: you have talked about everything.
*** The question is not why my friends are crazy. The question is: why do I feel comfortable in the company of sick people!?
Statuses about friendship that is not appreciated
*** Friendship is not a favor; no one says thank you for it.
*** Are you proud that you have three hundred friends on VKontakte? And I’m proud of two, but real ones.
*** Whoever wants to have a friend without flaws is left without friends.
*** Unfaithful friends are swallows that you meet only in the summer. This is a sundial, useful only as long as the sun is shining.
*** Friends are like good health: you don’t value them until you lose them.
***
Treasure only those who value you.
Quotes about friendship and betrayal
*** Because of every insult, you cannot renounce a friend.
*** The best way to keep your friends is not to betray them.
*** A cowardly friend is worse than an enemy, because you fear an enemy, but you rely on a friend.
*** False people are more dangerous to have as friends than as enemies.
*** The road to hell is paved with good friends.
*** When betrayal becomes a habit, there is no place for friendship.
Statuses about true friendship to tears
*** I go into the entrance, and there... There is a path of cut out emoticons to my apartment, and at the threshold there is the inscription “Smile! We love you!”, I open the door... And there they are! Friends! So nice!
*** Finding true friends is as difficult as losing an old friend.
*** One day Love asked Friendship: “Why do you need me when I exist?” - to leave smiles where you leave tears!
*** True friendship is like a rose: we do not realize its beauty until it fades.
*** How did you meet your wife? - Yes, friends called and invited me to the wedding. They said that you will be the groom. I thought they were joking...
*** True friends can only be found when difficulties overtake you, the one who looks at you and says... I'm with you...
About meeting friends
Two friends meet. One asks: “Why did you quarrel with your girlfriend?” — We rode the tram yesterday. I breathed on the glass and wrote her name. - Well, what's wrong with that? - Yes, you understand, she doesn’t like it when people breathe on her glasses.
— Two friends meet: — Listen, Vaska has a golden toilet! - Can't be! - Come and see for yourself. - They come to Vaska. The mother opens the door and shouts to her son: “Vasenka, friends came to see you who shitted on the saxophone yesterday!” Two friends meet: - Sanya, of course, your friend is a terrible woman, there are no words, but she flies in one ear, out the other... - Not true! Sound does not travel in a vacuum!
One friend asks another: “Hello, long time no see, how are you, how are you getting settled?” - Yes, everything is just super, I’m working - there are 5,000 people below me. - For fuck's sake, have you become the director of the plant? - No, just a watchman at the cemetery...
Two friends, dog handlers and dog handlers, meet on the street. One asks the other: “Listen, does your dog follow all commands?” - Well, of course. - But I don’t listen at all. I tell her: “Bring some slippers,” and she goes into the kitchen to cook borscht. Two friends meet. One to another: “Can you imagine, one of my friends turned out to be a vampire!” - How did you know??? “And I drove an aspen stake into his heart, and he died.” Two friends meet. One boasts: “I bought myself such a cool car... now I drive, no one stops me, I park everywhere for free, and what’s more, as soon as I drive up, they immediately give up space... The second: “What are you doing?” Saved up for a Bugatti? - No... - What then? — I bought a tow truck... Two friends are meeting, they haven’t seen each other for a long time. - What are you doing now? Yes, I put millions of people in various poses. - What, do you work for the government? No, I do my morning exercises on the radio.
About my best friend
- How are you, buddy, how is your wife feeling? Still fighting you? - No, thank God it’s all over. My best friend kidnapped her. - Best friend? Who is this? “I don’t know, but anyway, he’s my best friend now.”
He and I are best friends. He knows so much about me: at least two life sentences and one divorce. If you unexpectedly returned from work and for some reason found your best friend at your home. He is embarrassed, and his wife is flushed, in a robe and without tights, rest assured, she is also without panties. The best friend is a cat. He will never say “Why do you eat at night? “. He will eat with you! If your best friend stole your girlfriend, don’t swear, in a few years you will understand and appreciate his noble deed.
Statuses about friendship between girlfriends
*** I'll give it to my friend in marriage! It’s no longer healthy to walk with her!
*** True female friendship is when there is not a single similar thing in your chests of drawers.
*** How sometimes you want to drink and cry. But with my friends I can get drunk and laugh.
*** You are my friend... we are friends... you are a fool just like me.
*** The three of them are friends so that when the third one leaves they can talk about what kind of sheep she is))
*** A friend is a friend. You will call her at night and tell her that you have fallen in love. And she will simply say in a hoarse voice, “Sleep!” and hangs up. Then he will call back and say: “Open the door for me. Just be quiet, I’m with a bottle!”
*** Your friend forgot about you and she got a boyfriend? Set the status to “Damn! I think I fell in love with my best friend's boyfriend..."
Statuses about girls' friendship with meaning
*** I will give my friend only to those hands that will love her more than me.
*** I have beautiful friends... to save this world, we just need to get together!
*** Only with a real friend can you walk all day, say goodbye for half an hour, and then talk to her on your mobile all the way...
*** I really appreciate those friends who have found a place in their work schedule for my sake, but even more I love those girlfriends who, for my sake, completely forget about the existence of their schedule.
*** A friend is the person to whom you say “I don’t want to live,” and in response you hear, “If you say that again, I’ll kill you myself.”
Statuses about friendship between girlfriends are sad
*** I read the guy’s correspondence with my “best” friend.. she is no longer a friend.. and not the best!
*** Sometimes even friends begin to kill with their “CLEAR”... I would kill... You twist their souls, and they “CLEAR”...
*** When guys appear, girlfriends disappear... even the best...
*** If you have 3 friends, then the 3rd one is always the odd one out! There are two left....This is such friendship...
*** The loneliest woman in the world is a woman who has no close friend.
*** Nine years of friendship, and she traded me for a boy. .who will leave her in a month... It hurts. It's a shame.
About a henpecked friend
Two henpecked friends meet. One to the other: - Yesterday I sent mine to xer! - Come on ! Nevermind. Like this? - Yes, think about it, this one comes up...: 'Go throw out the trash.' - And you? - And I said to her: “Fuck you!” I haven't finished it yet...
My wife told me to come and explain to my friends that I am not henpecked! - You are henpecked! - Well, so what, but my wife likes it! Conversation between two friends: - I haven’t talked to my wife since the wedding. - Did you quarrel? - I don’t want to interrupt her. Two friends are talking. – Are you for or against men and women having equal rights? – I’m in favor with both hands. You know, I’m so tired of obeying my wife... Two friends are talking: “Can you imagine, I was offered to become president of the Society of Henpecked Husbands.” - Did you agree? - No, my wife didn’t allow it. - I'm not henpecked! My wife even allows me to meet with friends - every Saturday, which falls on February 29th. Only pathetic henpecked people listen! the guy himself knows when not to go drinking with friends and when to wash the dishes, right?
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