Funny jokes about elephants
When an elephant died at a nearby zoo, the entire neighborhood was afraid to buy dumplings and chebureki for a month.
An elephant with a very small trunk finds it difficult to wash itself with other elephants. It’s not so difficult to make an elephant out of a molehill as to then feed it... The elephant rolled in flour, comes up to the mirror: - What a dumpling! At the zoo, an elephant was attacked by a rabid and now flat dog. In central Russia, an elephant escaped from a zoo. He ran out and broke into some peasant’s garden. There he eats everything that comes under his trunk, and the peasant woke up from crunching and stomping, runs out into the garden and is freaking out. He runs into the house and calls the police: “There’s some cattle here in my garden pulling out vegetables with its tail!” - Well, what does he do with them? - Oh, you won’t believe it! 2026 The elephant came up to the palm tree and shook it. Two botanists are watching this. One: - Or maybe his nest is there? Another: - You fool, elephants live in holes! The whole city is covered in posters: “Elephant show!”, “Elephant show!”... Even I was wondering: what about the elephants?! The elephant fell into a mousetrap. So I walked around with a clip in my ear.
The elephant complains: “I’m tired of living next to the cages of a monkey and a giraffe, the monkey tells jokes all day, and the giraffe laughs all night!”
The elephant looks at the naked zookeeper for a long time, who is taking a shower on the street, and then asks him: “Listen, man, I don’t understand how you eat with this?” "Crap!" - said the elephant, stepping on Kolobok. —Are you saying that this figurine is made of ivory? But this is real porcelain! “So the elephant had false tusks.” A mammoth is coming. Then a whole herd of elephants flies out, knocks the mammoth off his feet, tramples him up to his ears in the mud and runs on. The mammoth gets out of the mud, shakes itself off and angrily says: “Fuck! The skinheads got it…” An elephant is not a sparrow, you can’t catch it if it flies out! The unexpected disappearance of an elephant and the opening date of the dumpling shop on the zoo's premises strangely coincided.
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I love elephants. And you?
Elephants are kind, wise and graceful animals. Thick-skinned but gentle, they have always aroused great interest among people.
Of all the creatures in the world, none is more like a human being than the elephant. The working age of elephants is between 20-40 years of age. Around the age of 30, they begin to go bald, and by the age of 40, they begin to decrease in height. At the age of 50, elephants seem to retire, doing only light work. By age 70, they are as old as humans.
The most brilliant photographers of our time went to Africa and India, fascinated by the strength and charisma of these amazing animals: Steve Bloom, Arthur Steele, John Chaney and others. Bright Side presents their work and compelling reasons to share our weakness for these charming giants.
You can't help but love them!
“Clumsy as an elephant” is a stupid stereotype. Their movements are soft and graceful.
Elephants are excellent swimmers, using their trunk as a breathing tube. They also love to “shower” by watering themselves from their trunk.
Elephants' hearing, due to their huge ears that serve as amplifiers, is much superior to humans. Elephants have their own language and can communicate using infrasound at a distance.
Despite its clumsy appearance, the elephant is very mobile and is able to move across almost any terrain - from swampy swamps to steep mountain slopes, leaving almost no traces on rocky soil.
Elephants know how to smile and hug with their trunks.
Elephants are social animals with the capacity for “altruism” and “empathy.”
They live in groups. They actively communicate with each other, and also help old and sick individuals from their herd.
When he sees a baby elephant slipping in the mud, an adult elephant will certainly give him his trunk and put him on the ground. Just as people hold their children's hands, a baby elephant holds onto its mother's trunk.
At an early age, a baby elephant follows its mother everywhere, learning invaluable survival lessons from her and the rest of the herd. They also have a special aunt chosen by the mother to act as a stepmother in case anything happens to her.
Elephants recognize themselves in a mirror image and can even look at those parts of their body that are usually inaccessible to their gaze. Apart from elephants, only humans and apes have the ability to recognize themselves in the mirror.
Elephants love to draw. They can spend hours thoughtfully moving their brush across the easel, holding it with their trunk, and it is almost impossible to tear them away from this activity.
Elephants have an ear for music and musical memory, they are able to distinguish melodies of three notes; they prefer violin music and low sounds of bass and horns to high flute melodies.
It has long been known that tusks of dead elephants are not found in African savannas and jungles. There was even a legend that elephants go to die in mysterious and inaccessible elephant cemeteries.
Of all animals, not counting humans, only elephants have some kind of funeral ritual. After the death of one of the elephants of the herd, relatives first try to lift him with their trunks and trumpet loudly, and after some time they become silent and begin to throw tree branches and earth on top of the body. Then for several more days the animals do not leave the deceased, grieving for their brother. Those who had the closest relationship with him even become depressed.
Elephants, like people, love candy. And just like humans, when elephants overeat sweets, they develop health problems.
Elephants have a very good memory. They remember people who treated them well or badly, as well as the places in which certain events happened to them.
Contrary to popular belief, elephants are not afraid of mice!
The elephant is the only animal in the world that cannot jump.
Elephants are secretive and shy, avoiding other animals. They especially dislike dogs and horses and generally prefer their own company.
The most terrible enemy for these amazing animals was and remains man.
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About the elephant and the ant
An ant walks through the forest, dragging two loaves of bread. An elephant is approaching. The ant throws the loaf of bread to the ground and yells at the top of his lungs: “Elephant, lie down quickly!” The elephant got scared and fell to the ground. The ant climbed onto the elephant, put down the second loaf and said: - It turned out to be an awesome sandwich!!!
Check it out: Jokes about Gene
An ant and an elephant are crawling on reconnaissance at night, then, oops, a spotlight flashed by. Ant: - Elephant, crawl further alone, I'm lit up. An elephant is walking through the forest. An ant meets him: “Hey, elephant, it’s dangerous to go there, our people are fighting there.” Two ants are sitting on a tree, they see an elephant coming from below, the ant says to the ant - First, we’ll fill it up, then we’ll trample it
Nothing human is alien to them (About elephants)
- What do you say about elephants, dear Sharikov? - asked Philip Philipovich incredulously.
- Well, I don’t understand, or what? Elephants are useful animals.
M. Bulgakov. "Dog's heart"
SMALL WEAKNESSES OF SMART GIANTS
As sanctuary rangers say, you can't be sure of anything when dealing with elephants. They are like people: sometimes they are very smart, but sometimes they are quite the opposite - they are only good for giving everyone a ride for a treat. But, unlike people, there are much more smart elephants than stupid ones. And elephants have a special mind. It’s not for nothing that the Hindu god of wisdom Ganesha has the head of an elephant; the elephant announced the birth of Buddha, becoming a symbol of the liberator of people from the shackles of earthly existence. In general, throughout Asia, elephants are valued precisely for their intelligence, and not for their brute physical strength.
The history of the relationship between people and elephants contains a great many amazing cases. Here's one of them. One day, a herd of elephants got into the habit of clearing an orchard not far from a hunting camp. Without hesitation, people surrounded the garden with a wire fence. However, at night the elephants tore the wire. The hunters restored the grid, but decided to run an electric current through it. It only took the elephants a few nights to figure out how to overcome the new obstacle. They realized that when the lights in the camp went out, there was no current in the fence either! They ended up breaking the wire again. Then people decided to leave the generator running at night. For some time the elephants wandered along the fence and lightly touched the wire with their tusks. And they very quickly realized that their tusks are insensitive to current! Of course, the elephants broke into the garden again. At this point, the hunters had no choice but to drive away persistent animals by shooting in the air.
Adult elephants have practically no natural enemies - even lions always give way to them. For a long time it was believed that they fear only humans. But it turned out that huge elephants are afraid of tiny mice much more than people! And they are afraid in panic, to death. For example, in Nepal, a circus elephant, seeing a mouse in the arena, trampled its trainer and then attacked the audience. In Ohio (USA), a four-legged performer ran out of a circus in a panic, hit a couple of police cars, galloped for a whole mile, and only then was they able to stop him. And in Bangkok, an elephant driven into a frenzy by mice attacked its owner, and then killed 10 more people.
This is what mice can do to elephants. And this is despite the fact that elephants are very attached to the trainer, consider him their master and obey only him. People achieve this kind of relationship over the years with affection and patience. If you yell and swear at an elephant, it may become nervous or even become depressed.
Elephants are also afraid of pigs, or rather, of their squealing. They say that when the Macedonian commander Antipater besieged the Greek city of Megara, he brought many elephants under its walls. However, the townspeople, knowing the habits of exotic giants, launched a preemptive strike. They coated several pigs with tar, set them on fire and drove them into the enemy camp. The unfortunate pigs raised such a heart-rending squeal that the frightened elephants began to flee shamefully, crushing the tents, soldiers and siege weapons of the Macedonians. True, skeptics claim that the elephants were not afraid of the pigs, but of the fire - all animals run away from it. Nevertheless, Antipater ordered from now on to raise war elephants along with piglets, so that they would become accustomed to their appearance and squealing.
Well, fears are fears, but elephants are okay with humor. They say that in one of the Kenyan national parks, there lived a mischievous elephant who loved to hide in the bushes near the road. When a car appeared around a sharp turn, he would spread out his ears in a terrifying manner, raise his trunk and jump out of cover, emitting a deafening roar. The tourists were frozen with horror. Satisfied with their appearance, the elephant turned and slowly walked away, occasionally looking back. Laughter was clearly visible in the giant's cunning eyes.
THE WHOLE KINGDOM IS FOR THE ELEPHANT!
Elephants have a unique memory for smells. Especially those left by humans. Experts say that an elephant can easily distinguish a white man from a black man by smell at a distance of up to three kilometers!
One hunter from Kenya watched a lone elephant for several years. In search of food, this elephant meandered across the plain, deviating from the main route now to the right, now to the left, but several times a day it was sure to return to its previous tracks. There he stopped and carefully sniffed the ground with his trunk. If he didn’t smell anything suspicious, he continued on his way. If he smelled an African, he hid in the bushes and sat there, waiting out danger. If it was the smell of a white man, then the elephant violently, with all four legs, began to trample it into dust, and then quickly ran away from there, for he knew the weapons and manners of white people well.
Elephants never forget anything - neither good nor bad. And for all their wariness towards people, elephants remember and appreciate human kindness. One day, a hunter caught a teenage elephant with a large splinter sticking out of its back leg. He placed him in a cage so tight that the elephant could not move in it, and began to treat the wound with medicine. During the procedure, the elephant roared in pain and almost destroyed the cage, made of thick logs. But after the wound was treated, the animal calmed down.
The elephant endured all subsequent dressings patiently, and soon the hunter released him into the wild. But every time he met his savior, the elephant joyfully ran up to him, carefully took the hunter’s hand with its trunk and applied it to the place where the healed wound remained.
When elephants love their owner, they are ready to do anything for him.
When crossing the Indian Hydaspes River, the advanced detachments of Alexander the Great were opposed by the strong army of Porus, the king of Punjab. At the height of the battle, Porus launched his main striking force - more than a hundred superbly trained elephants - into the attack. Living “tanks” began to crowd the enemy’s ranks, and hundreds of Alexander’s soldiers died under the huge feet of elephants. Cries of joy were heard in the camp of Porus. It seemed that just a little more, and the Greeks would flee from the battlefield. But the confusion of the Greeks quickly passed, and they began to demonstrate miracles of courage: they threw themselves right at the feet of the elephants and chopped off their trunks with sharply sharpened axes. The attack failed and the Indians were surrounded.
Porus was also surrounded. But, sitting on his favorite riding elephant, he continued to frantically fight back, and the elephant ferociously trampled on the advancing enemies. However, the forces were unequal, and in the end several arrows hit the king. The elephant sensed that something was wrong with its owner. Despair gave him strength, he broke through the ring of Greek infantry and carried the king into the jungle.
In a safe place, the elephant carefully removed the wounded man from his back, carefully laid him on the ground and with his trunk removed all the arrows from his body. When the enemy soldiers found the fugitives, the elephant began to defend the unconscious king lying on the grass with frantic courage and fury.
It seems incredible that the giant handled the wounded man carefully and tenderly - many believe that elephants are naturally clumsy. In reality this is not the case. Elephants, for example, know how to skillfully crack nuts, calculating the effort so that only the shell bursts, while the kernel remains unharmed. They dig up yams (sweet potatoes) just as carefully, without damaging the thin skin of the tuber. By the way, elephants can be left-handed or right-handed - they dig up sweet potato tubers either with their left or always with their right tusk.
And the king’s elephant not only survived, but also went down in history: admired by the nobility of the animal, Alexander the Great ordered not to touch it. And Poru promised to return the kingdom if he gave him the elephant. The king reluctantly agreed.
The commander named the elephant Ajax. The poor animal roared all night long, calling in vain for its owner. Alexander did everything to win the trust of Ajax. He fed it himself, and when he learned that the elephant liked clothes, he spared no expense on luxurious bedspreads. Ajax’s tusks were decorated with gold rings, on which the inscription was carved: “Alexander, son of Zeus, dedicates this elephant to Apollo.” In the end, the elephant stopped feeling sad for his first owner and became attached to the great Greek with all his soul.
MORE THAN INSTINCT
In China, elephants symbolize the victory of life over death, and in medieval Europe they were often included in images of heaven. It was believed that seeing yourself riding an elephant in a dream was lucky. But elephants have earned respectful treatment not only because of their intelligence, strength and longevity. Elephants have something that cannot be explained by any instincts. And this “something” makes them very similar to people.
Right in front of the employees of one of the parks, two elephants came to the aid of a third, wounded one. Having grabbed their fallen comrade with their tusks from both sides, they put him on his feet and, carefully supporting him, went deeper into the thickets. Following the trail of the animals, the employees saw that the wounded elephant fell three or four times, but each time his comrades raised him. Thus, the animals walked at least five kilometers. Then, when the wounded man felt better, all three turned back and soon joined the herd.
It’s hard to imagine that despite their impressive size and strength, elephants are fearful animals. But an incident that occurred in Murchison Falls National Park makes us look at these giants a little differently. One day, the park manager noticed a mother elephant carefully carrying a newborn baby elephant on her tusks. When she stopped and carefully placed the burden on the ground, the manager realized that the baby elephant was dead. The female carried it for three long days, lowering it to the ground only when she was tormented by thirst. She then stood motionless under a tree for several days, where she finally decided to leave the baby elephant and from time to time let out a threatening roar when anyone approached her.
In general, the attitude of elephants towards their offspring is humanly touching. They support the kids when they cross the river, pluck juicy fruits and branches from tall trees that are inaccessible to them, and, when necessary, calm the naughty ones.
Once, near a canal connecting two lakes, hunters noticed four elephants with five babies. When one baby elephant tried to climb down the cliff onto the bank of the canal, the elephant gave a warning signal. But the baby, not paying any attention to the shout, continued to stomp his naughty feet along the very edge of the cliff. Suddenly the ground beneath him collapsed, and the baby elephant flew into the water with a loud squeal.
The elephants froze in their tracks. Their ears straightened out like a megaphone in the direction from which the squeal came, and, turning sharply, they rushed to help. The baby was too scared to swim to shore on his own. Then two elephants, without wasting time, knelt at the very edge of the water, while the other two carefully plunged into the water. A desperately flopping baby elephant found itself between them. The elephants carefully grabbed him under the abdomen with their trunks, lifted him above the water and passed him from hand to hand to his friends who were waiting on the shore, who pulled him onto land. The mother elephant pulled the baby towards her and, with a contented purr, carefully felt him with her trunk. The frightened baby stood, clinging to her legs, and, trembling all over, spat out water. The mother, making sure that her son was safe and sound, gave him a hearty slap with her trunk and threw him away from the water.
The care of elephants for their ancestors is touching. From time to time, some old elephant leaves the herd, feeling that he is no longer able to make long journeys from one pasture to another. However, two young strong elephants always remain with him. These guards warn the old man of danger, hide him in a shelter, and then rush towards the enemy. Often “bodyguards” accompany the elder until his death. Hunters claim that the old man, in exchange for such care, teaches the young the ancient wisdom of elephants. And after the death of a fellow tribesman, a herd of elephants in full force comes to venerate his relics. They stand in a circle around the bones (in Africa, after a couple of days, only gnawed bones remain from a corpse), carefully touching them with their trunks, as if saying goodbye forever...
Oleg KRASNOV
Category: Articles by Oleg Krasnov.
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About a fly and an elephant
An elephant was stolen from the Moscow Zoo. The director of the Moscow Criminal Investigation Department comes running. A tired opera man sits in an old chair, smoking. - Comrade detective, they stole our elephant! - An elephant?! - Yes, an elephant! - We’ll find it, come tomorrow... The next day the director comes to the MUR again, he’s in the same position, smoking. - Sorry..., I'm talking about the elephant. - An elephant? Ahh elephant, now... Opera opens the bedside table, takes out a matchbox and throws the yoke to the director. - Take it... The director opens the box in surprise, a fly sits in the corner and screams hysterically. - Yes, I’m an elephant, don’t hit me in the kidneys anymore!!!
