Is it true that a love of dark humor is a sign of high intelligence?

Black humor - carbon monoxide statuses

The boy, who did not completely tie his shoelaces, did not completely get off the escalator.

There are people who will always help in difficult times - they will lather the rope and hold the stool...

Son, immediately stop hitting the boy on the head with a spatula, otherwise you will sweat and catch a cold!

"Alenka" sweets with pepper will help you find out if your child is swearing.

One day I made friends with a stone, and it fell into the water and drowned. It's a pity, because I became attached to him.

The inner world of a person is best revealed on the operating table.

The girl who mistakenly pulled out a stun gun from her bag, saying “Hello!” I knocked myself out for three days.

Smoking is harmful to your health, and smoking at a gas station can dramatically undermine it!

A guy from the army sends a grenade home. - Grandma, if you pull this ring, I will get 3 days of vacation.))

Concrete mixer operator Sidorov slipped and went headlong into his work.

Some pedestrians cross the road as brazenly as if they were standing in front of a zebra.

The most effective way to knock arrogance out of a person is with a flick on the nose... with a baseball bat.

Boxing gloves, police batons and much more in the Finishing Materials store.

The husband called his wife a chicken. She did not become upset, she simply laid two eggs for him. With a running start.

If you are offended, do not give in to anger. Just take a deep breath, then exhale and listen to your heart. Shoot between two hits.

Light a fire for a man and he will be warm for the rest of the day. Light a man's clothes and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Too hot water in the baby’s bath made the boy Petya start talking half a year earlier...

Mom told little Andryusha that children are found in cabbage, and somehow he began to look with fear at the stewed cabbage with meat...

Two people with an upset stomach fled from the clinic, but they were quickly found in hot pursuit.

The girl Emma sits on the pipe, regrets her life, grieves for herself. Then the pipe explodes, Gazprom: dreams come true.

“Don’t make me angry; there’s nowhere to hide the corpses.” Just kidding, I'm kidding, in fact there are plenty of places.

The boy went to karate for three weeks, met with hooligans and did not go to karate for three weeks

For a sapper, the most terrible phrases are: “to use your brains” and “one foot here and the other there.”

Black humor - tough jokes

The plane crashes. The commander sees that everything is already fucked up. He calls the flight attendant: “That’s it,” he says, there is no hope, go, calm down the passengers, so that it would be easier to die, tell a lie! Of course, she went out into the cabin and said: “Dear passengers!” Our aircraft is equipped with a new ultra-modern navigation system, a conversion development. Now our plane will crash into the ocean with all its might, and in exactly thirty seconds it will land at the destination airport! Well, everyone is calm, waiting... Strike! The plane, of course, is in pieces, in circles in the water... One emerges, his hair on end, spits, looks around and says: “That’s the f*cking defense industry, they’re always not finishing something!” Everyone has been at the airport for a long time, and here I am, floating like shit...

The doctor (D) says to the patient (B) – D – I have two news for you, one is bad and one is worse B – Let’s get the bad one first D – You have cancer B – And even worse news? D - You have Alzheimer's disease B - Well, at least it's not cancer

- Dad, am I lucky? - Of course, son, neither a condom nor an abortion helped against you...

- Your profession? – I throw knives in the circus, millimeters from the assistant. – Do you have a criminal record? - One. - For what? - Marriage at work.

I love the color black, I love black humor, I love black coffee. I don't like black people.

- Excuse me, what is the Wi-Fi password? - It's a funeral!!! – “Funeral” with a small letter or a capital letter?

To the journalist’s question: “Could you kill a person?” five passers-by answered in the negative, three shrugged their shoulders, two said: “Give me the address.”

Stalin is sitting in his office, smoking a cradle. An officer came to him: “Comrade Stalin, a man has come to you who predicts the future.” Stalin thought for a second and said: “Shoot!” Oh, these swindlers... if I had known the future, I wouldn’t have come, thought Stalin.

- Mom, am I scary? “I asked you not to call me mom in public!”

Useful tips. If you sprinkle salt on your wounds, they will stay fresh longer.

Evening. An old woman with a dog in her hands approaches people at a bus stop and asks everyone: “Isn’t this your dog?” Having received a negative answer from everyone, she leaves and, stroking the dog with satisfaction, quietly says: “Well, that’s good!” Now we'll come home and make some soup out of you...

– Roma, I’m sick! - Maybe I should visit you? - No need, I look bad. - Katya, you’re fat, you always look bad!

Little tricks: if you cannot plug the fork into the socket, tear off the 2 middle teeth of the fork.

- They say your son got a job? - Yeah, a cattle slaughterer. - Well, how do you like it? - Still would! Since childhood, he loved to tinker with little animals...

– Why does your crib have such high legs? “So we can wake up from the noise when the baby falls out of her.”

One guy got lice (well, you know where). He poisoned them with kerosene and got tired of everyone in the hospital - it doesn’t help. He comes to the old grandfather (well, like a sorcerer) and asks - grandfather, help. Well, his grandfather gives him a couple of twigs and a wreath of herbs and says: “Go, son, into the forest, undress, put on the wreath and take the twigs in your hands.” The titmice will fly in, think that you are a tree, and instantly rid you of insects. A man comes in a couple of hours - there is no living place. “Who do you think you are, son,” the grandfather was surprised, “really titmice?” - What the hell are titmice! The woodpeckers have arrived!

Question: What's the closest way to a man's heart? Answer: Through the chest with a sharp knife.

The patient calls the doctor to make an appointment. “Sorry,” the duty officer answers, “we will be able to see you no earlier than in two weeks.” “But I might die by then.” - No problem. If your wife notifies us of this, we will cancel the recording.

From a psychiatrist: – Doctor, I’m afraid all the time. - What exactly? – For example, when I leave the room, my child will fall out of the crib, and I won’t hear. - So remove the carpet from the floor!

A hamster runs much faster in a dynamo wheel if the generated current is supplied to the same wheel.

Monkey, Elephant and Boa constrictor had a joint. The boa constrictor smoked it on the sly. The Elephant and the Monkey are thinking about how to punish him. The elephant suggests: - Let's cut off the Boa constrictor! Monkey: - What are you talking about, this is cruel, let's cut off the Boa's tail! Elephant: - By the way!

– Defendant, explain to the court what happened to your wife? “After we quarreled a little and she locked herself on the balcony, within a week the hungry ferocious tits gnawed her down to the skeleton.

The man was about to drown himself. Standing on a bridge with a curb stone around his neck. A woman runs to him and shouts: “Man, stop!” Wait! - Well, what do you want? Woman, holding out a bag: - Here, take the kittens...

If the neighbor's children are making a lot of noise, tell them through the wall that you are a gnome living in an outlet and you need to be fed nails.

Announcement: “Do not park cars at the entrance! fine – using a shovel on glass”

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Meaning of life

Many people believe that the main thing is to find the meaning of their existence. True, this thought sometimes forces one to delve into introspection so much that there is no time left for real life. Statuses with black humor about life with meaning will help show that you are ironic towards current events!

1. Sometimes life throws you lemons. Well, then it's time to learn how to make lemonade! And lemon pies. And lemon cupcakes. I don’t understand why I need so many lemons?
2. Why are we here? What is the meaning of our existence? It seems to me that it is solely about learning to appreciate the beauty in every moment. Oh, and ice cream. Of course, ice cream.
3. Sometimes you think about what the meaning of life is, what you were born for, what your purpose is. And these thoughts lift you above the vanity. And then you hear that it’s your stop and it’s time to get out of the car.
4. One day I will understand the meaning of existence. Or I don't understand. More likely, the second one.
5. I think if I go to Tibet, find the Dalai Lama and ask him what the meaning of my life is, he will answer that it is to take time off from work in search of the meaning of life.
6. They say that the meaning of life can be found by understanding when you feel best. Apparently, my meaning in life is to sleep, drink beer and scroll through my social media feed.
7. Everyone gets married, gets married, has children, buys apartments, travels. And I? And I, as Bulgakov’s Master, just need peace.
8. I love waking up early in the morning, full of strength and energy, putting myself in order and rushing to work, bursting with new ideas. It's a pity that this has happened to me exactly zero times.
9. Everyone says my life has no meaning. But I have beer. Beer: and you no longer have the desire to search for the meaning of life.
10. Would you like to tell me what the sacred meaning of my existence is? Pretend that I'm happy. And believe that this is really so.
11. Hundreds of philosophers have searched for the meaning of life and never found it. Which means, with my weak brain, I don’t need to strain myself!

About life

Statuses with black humor about life will help demonstrate sarcasm in relation to the events happening to you.

1. Everything is vanity. Everything is decay. This means you can relax and just enjoy the process!
2. I think that wealth cannot be taken with you to the grave. This means there is no point in running up the career ladder. And you can’t take your family to the grave. So there's no point in starting it. I will buy a coffin and a suit to be 100% ready.
3. One day you will ask me why I am so calm. I will answer: “My secret is a lot of green tea and black humor!”
4. Sarcasm is just a way to not go crazy seeing what is happening around you.
5. Don't like my dark sense of humor? Do you think I'm joking about things that shouldn't be joked about? First try to live at least a day from my life. I'll see how you joke!
6. Black humor is my armor, protecting me from adversity, absurdity and hopelessness. Without him I am like a snail without a home. And a snail without a house is just a slug.
7. Sometimes it seems like I'm crazy. Fortunately, this seems only to others, and not to me.
8. They say that people with a dark sense of humor have the most vulnerable souls. Apparently, my soul is so vulnerable that it even cuts itself on paper when I put it in the printer.
9. Who will I be if you deprive me of my sarcasm? Just a sad person who feels lost and alone. And sarcasm makes me a sad bastard who is lonely because people don't want to talk to him!
10. Sarcasm is a great test for potential friends. If they are afraid of you, then you shouldn’t open your soul.
11. Life sometimes presents unpleasant surprises. All that remains is to take revenge on her in the same way!

Black humor as a weapon

Black humor can become a person’s armor, his protection from difficult life circumstances.

1. Sometimes I get criticized for making jokes about things that shouldn't be joked about. But I believe that such things simply do not exist.
2. Sarcasm is not an attack, but a way of defense!
3. There is no more reliable armor than a sense of humor. There is no better weapon than sarcasm. There is no better way to eliminate the “M” weirdos from your life than to openly say what you think.
4. I tried to say what I think. They immediately began to scold me for being too caustic and sarcastic. I'll take it as a compliment.
5. Are you afraid of my words? So you don’t understand what’s going on in my soul!
6. Some people believe that sarcastic people simply want to hurt others. But this is not so. We just want others to stay away from us.
7. Being sarcastic is like being a hedgehog. Only now the hedgehog can remove its needles. And sarcasm appears at the most unexpected moments.
8. No fear. No worries. No doubt. But there is a dark sense of humor and the ability to laugh at yourself. Which means we can overcome everything!
9. Yes, I myself would like to be soft and sweet. But within me lives an elderly man from Odessa who has seen a lot, who has a sharp tongue and is not afraid to say what he thinks. Maybe that's why there is no happiness in my life?
10. Do you want to test your nerves? Just talk to me for an hour without once wincing at my sarcasm and enduring my snarkiness. I promise you will become my best friend in no time. No one has succeeded in doing this yet.
11. Dealing with a sarcastic person is like participating in a bullfight. Only the most desperate manage to hold out for more than 5 minutes!

Black humor is a property of people who have seen a lot in life and realized that there are no forbidden topics for jokes in the world. Don't be afraid to be yourself. They will either understand and accept you, or they will simply leave your life! And you need to part with those who are not able to be there with a light heart (and an empty clip).