I walk with my eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards my future happiness, through a field of rakes. 33
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From the statement: “Like me everything” Crossed out. “Like I did you all” Crossed out. “You all should go to” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 20
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I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 30
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The best way to test a guy’s loyalty is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 28
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You can't look in the mirror when you're eating away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. It’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all 24
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No money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 37
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Flowers should be for no reason. Happiness should be unique. The house is warm. Weather, it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 16
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All people bring happiness, some by their presence, others by their absence) 26
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If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 22
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- Dad! When they come to ask for my hand, do not fall on your knees, do not say, “You are our Savior. ", just quietly nod your head)))
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At the station: - Hey, slut! - I'm not a slut, I'm a porter! “Then rape these two suitcases until the ninth carriage!”
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- Here is the alphabet, you can make up whatever you want by letter - ʁ o є q ıq qmm q x f ʎ ʟ ɔ d o n wv ʞ and є z ǝ 6 L ʚ g ɐ
Cool statuses about life with meaning
Do not promise if you are not sure that you will fulfill your promise, because the pain that you cause to another will sooner or later return to you.
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If the creators of my life had a certain sense of humor, then the creators of love clearly have suicidal tendencies!
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Don't come so close to me! Passions and sparks will instantly flare up. For me, the fire for you does not go out with time, unfortunately. Or maybe it’s fortunate when there are such passions?!
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- Never judge others who know that maybe in the same situation you would have done much worse
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Live now, not once! There is only one life, and it is not given twice!!! Let's go in and look at the history of statuses, everything has meaning, and we mark the ones we like!
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A serious relationship is when a guy sees a pretty and stylish girl in a store or on the street, looks at her, looks and thinks: “I need to buy my girl the same hat.”
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If you don’t build your life yourself, then someone will definitely build it for you.
Laughing statuses about life
Everyone has their own cockroaches in their heads, but my hundred pounds are brilliant individuals.
The easiest way to achieve a goal is to have one.
An optimist is a person who smiles both on his own wedding day and on the day of his divorce.
Break the rules! Goodbye quickly. Kiss slowly...
An optimist is someone who goes out to buy a Christmas tree, gifts and champagne on December 31st...
I'm an optimist! And even if luck turns its back on me, I say: “Mm. What an ass!”
If you named a word that contains the letters g, a, v, n, o - carriage - you are an incorrigible optimist!!!
We draw our own lives, so let's take colored pencils.
Every day can't be good, but you can find something good in every day!
Positivity is knocking on the door! Let's smile wider - three, four.
The most reliable plan: “Bullshit, we’ll figure it out on the spot!”
When the person in the advertisement gets out of bed, gets ready cheerfully and goes to work, at the bottom of the screen there should be an inscription: “don’t try this!”
If you work all the time and never rest, you can become the richest person... in the cemetery.
Urgently... I'm looking for a job as a kebab taster,... part-time I can taste sausages, cheese, caviar, vodka, beer, etc... P. S: Family team work is possible
Working in the summer hurts your summer...
I wish everyone access to the Internet and a personal account at work.
And don't wake me up! What does it mean - it's time to go home? By the way, we have irregular working hours!
Only in Russia is it possible to answer the question: “What are you doing?” To hear the answer: “Nothing, I’m working...”
It's hard to love your job if your salary hates you.
A teacher's salary is officials' revenge for a poisoned childhood.
You need to drink away your entire salary. Otherwise, you will get involved with bad people, get hooked on a mortgage and slide into the very bottom of social life.
Whatever my wife enjoys, as long as it’s not my salary.
Positive emotions are emotions that arise when you put everything into perspective.
– Did you take a pregnancy test... Three lines? - Adidas!
If you look at the negatives in life through a raised middle finger, they become positives.
When life gives a crack, an optimist steps over it, and a pessimist falls into it!
A brick that once falls on your head must be used as a step to rise higher...
For an optimist, life is not a problem, but a solution.
The world belongs to optimists! Pessimists are just spectators!
More bad news for pessimists. According to the latest Dutch research, optimists live longer.
If they spit in your back, it means you are ahead!
Positive thinking is when you fell down the stairs and think: “Wow... How quickly I went down!”
The most optimistic person is the one who uses his last money to buy the most luxurious and large wallet.
An optimist is the one you send... and he, damn it, comes back rested and with a refrigerator magnet... bastard
Optimists differ from pessimists in that the former are convinced that there is no death, and the latter are convinced that there was no life.
Until I found out what they were saying about me, I would never have thought that I live such an interesting life!
If it weren't winter, we wouldn't be freezing...
I want a winter where there is no time for the Internet.
They steal your entire salary - and you immediately realize that it’s not that small after all...
Three reasons for not showing up for work: - forgot - drank - scored
The main contradiction of our time: we still cannot work well, but we no longer want to earn poorly.
Yes, this work wasn’t worth even the crap I put into it!..
My employees have not demanded a salary increase for three years now. I would like to know where they keep me?
How to make money with Odnoklassniki: go to settings, delete your account and start working
It is especially difficult to look for a job when you don’t want to work.
There are no fools who work for free... But there are so many fools who work for thanks!
If you want to get what you never had, become what you have never been.
Thank you for the lesson! The rake has been passed...
Yesterday, in a gateway, hooligans beat an optimist half to death.
If the streak of your life suddenly turns black, take a closer look, most likely it’s white, just covered in chocolate.
Funny statuses with meaning
Get up in the morning more energetic, maybe this day will make you believe in miracles again!
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You like even the shortcomings in a loved one, and even the advantages in an unloved person irritate you.
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- I don't want to marry a cheapskate like you! Here, take your ring! Where's the box?
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I know that you are far from indifferent to me. You know that I have feelings for you. We pretend not to notice. We are waiting for each other's actions
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Just because I pretended I didn’t notice doesn’t mean you can get away with anything.
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Will you go alone? It's already so dark outside. It's okay, I'll try not to scare anyone.
New statuses 2021
How are you doing? Here is an article entitled New statuses 2021 with wonderful illustrations. Select the status you like and install it on your favorite social network. All the best!
Love the one who loves you.
The deeper you bury your head in the sand, the more defenseless your butt is.
Spring has scattered colors, the anthem of life rings to the skies. Happy Easter everyone, Christ has risen today.
On Saturday, smart girls will get candy, and dumb but smart boys will get coins.
Love is such a misfortune that it is better to survive together!
Friendship should be immortal, and enmity mortal. Livius Titus
I won’t reproach you, but don’t ask me not to cry...
Short statements are the brilliance of the mind...
Religion is like a penis. It's normal when you have it. It's nice if you're proud of him. But please don't take it out or wave it around in public. And please don't try to push it on my children. George Carlin
Every work and every success in business produces mutual envy between people. And this is vanity and vexation of spirit! Old Testament. Ecclesiastes
In a friendly family, mom thinks that the money is on the table, dad thinks that the food is in the refrigerator, and the kids think that the stork brought it.
In an argument with a woman, only the echo can say the last word.
A huge number of our friends walk the streets, we just haven’t met them yet...
Of two friends, one is always stupid. If you don’t have a dumb friend, then you probably won’t understand anything right now.
The less you think, the more people want to join you!
I'm trying to find myself as a person, sometimes it's not easy to do.
The beginning is half of everything. Lucian
A rich man has companions and hangers-on, a powerful man has courtiers, a man of action has comrades, and they are also his friends. Andre Maurois
If a friend happily jumps into your limousine, but does not notice you standing at the bus stop, is he really a friend? Oprah Winfrey
Champions are not made in gyms. A champion is born from what is inside a person - desires, dreams, goals. Muhammad Ali
A person is valuable when his words match his actions. Oscar Wilde
If you deliberately set out to be less than you can be, I warn you that you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Maslow
If you start saving a little from your salary every month, then after a year you will be surprised at how little you have saved.
How important it is to be loved! For real, seriously. The only one necessary to the point of madness, to tears! To be loved without fear, without suspicion and anxiety, without fear and empty doubts, since God intended love!
My closet is a strange object, there are things in it, and things seem to be not there.
Many people talk about friends and friendship, but only a few are capable of friendship.
My mom calls every day with the same question: Did you just call? I answer no and listen to another daily phrase. It would be worth it. I could die any day. E. Bombk
In order to understand that this is shit, you don’t have to taste it.
If a friend reproaches you for some shortcoming, always think that he has not told you everything. Thomas Fuller
If you want to know what a woman really thinks, look at her, but don't listen.
Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration. Thomas Alva Edison
If there is the best film in the world, there is the best song, then there is the best status. Why not this one?
Victory begins on the day when only one opinion remains - your own.
Love is the real Orpheus, who raised humanity from its animal state. E. Renan.
All men are monsters. Women have only one thing left to do - feed them better.
True friendship matures slowly and blossoms only where people have actually proven it to each other. Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield
Don't tell your friend what your enemy shouldn't know. Arthur Schopenhauer
I don’t need valentines, don’t write me poetry, give me boots, a fur coat, a hat and perfume.
Erase unnecessary files from your life, format your disk! Don't suffer over the past, start a new life!
Dance like no one can see you, sing like no one can hear you, love like you've never been hurt, and live like heaven is already on earth.
If we don't build our future, we will have to endure it.
It's easy to forgive an enemy, but how to forgive a girlfriend? Wanda Blonska
Any anger is a consequence of weakness. Russo J.
When life gives a person hundreds of reasons to cry, he forgets that he has thousands of reasons to smile.
The secret of happiness is to live as if every day is the last of our lives.
All the girls are essentially angels, but when their wings are broken off, they have to fly on a broom.
The world has gone crazy.. You can buy anything, if only you have money.. Yes, even happiness
Stay on track, light up the stars, change the world wherever you are. Richard Le Gallienne
In the phrase “Darling, I have nothing to wear,” the most implausible word is “darling.”
The best part of our life consists of friends. Lincoln
Your kiss was so sweet that I was simply inspired with happiness!
Family is the most important thing in the world. If you don't have a family, consider that you have nothing. Family is the strongest bond in your life.
It's good to have a sense of humor! But it's better to have a reason to laugh!
Well, where we do not. But we will be there and we will definitely ruin everything.
Men have a sincere respect for everything that causes boredom.
- Don't let your feet be here anymore! “The leg won’t be there, I’m afraid the heart will remain...
Something pure does not become worse if bad people take care of it; in general, it is the lot of the good. Pliny the Younger
There are no beautiful partings... only beautiful bridges are drawn.
Look forward, you can change the future. And the past, well, it no longer exists.
The article New statuses 2021 will be updated, and all errors will be corrected. Write comments and rate.
Cool statuses with meaning
What is good? What is evil? Really? What's a lie? We have long come up with names for everything, We see light and darkness, we feel love, And we assign punishments to ourselves for our sins.
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- And we do not live the way we were taught to live, After all, those who taught us lived differently, And then we did not teach their words, But only the contradictions of these words.
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We see light in the world and think about happiness, And if we see evil, then we think about darkness. But why do we need pain, problems and bad weather, When you so want to love and trust your dream.
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All our lives we sit in a cage of beliefs, We are prisoners of our invisible shackles: Memories, fears and doubts, We want to defeat invented enemies.
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Or maybe it’s worth looking at the world differently, Seeing joy, light and beauty in life, Believing that problems, troubles and good fortune Lead us together to light and goodness.
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And maybe it’s worth losing the war? Accept and love yourself as we are now, and stop fighting, and don’t try to become different anymore!
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- Look at the world and see the light again, Forgive yourself all fears and grievances, And believe that the answer will always be found, Let your soul and mind remain open.
Cool statuses for all occasions (200 statuses)
If social networks have become a second home for you, then cool statuses will definitely come in handy. Such statuses help not only to indicate the mood and cheer up existing friends, but also to find new ones. This collection presents the coolest statuses for all occasions.
The past was calling, asking for the future...
As long as I'm single, I can do whatever I want! And when I get married, then my husband will also do what I want...
He who has plenty of teeth laughs well!
Most of my actions end with the question “What for?”
When life gives a crack, the optimist steps over it, and the pessimist falls into it!
Nothing adorns a person more than friendship with one’s own head.
Having won the hand of your beloved, you will constantly feel it in your pocket.
I have a non-aggression pact with my conscience: it doesn’t gnaw at me - I don’t have it.
I used to love summer, but then I realized that summer could be at any time of the year, if only I had money... Now I love money.
I used to love summer, but then I realized that summer could be at any time of the year, if only I had money... Now I love money.
If you suddenly notice the falling Glonass satellite, you can safely make a wish...
Do you also think that when they write to you without emoticons, they communicate with you rudely, and when they put exclamation marks, they also yell at you?
A girl with a future should avoid men with a past.
Anger is a state when the tongue and hands work faster than the brain.
You can build a house, raise a son, but one day you fail to hammer a nail in the house - and that’s it, you’re no longer a man.
When it gets dark outside the windows, you invariably understand that the morning will dispel everything itself, as soon as the sun shines!
A brick that once falls on your head must be used as a step to rise higher...
People often remain lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
A girl in high heels will run away faster in emergency situations than a guy in sneakers...
Vodka is not a drink, it is the fuel on which the whole country runs.
Ussuri tigers refuse to breed for money, declaring that they are ready to do this only for love!
Mutual politeness is when you start typing a text on VKontakte, you see that your interlocutor is also typing, you erase yours to listen to him, and he does the same.
Don’t regret what happened, don’t guess what will happen - take care of what you have!
A phone number dialed by mistake is never busy.
The main thing is that your loved one suits you. Not scandals...
You men are strange, where is your logic? First you ask nonsense, and then you are surprised by similar answers...
For an optimist, life is not a problem, but a solution.
All people come into our lives for a reason. Some bring happiness, while others bring experience and tempered character.
So the princess lived as a frog, she didn’t grieve... But no, Tsarevich Ivan appeared, and it began - bake pies, weave carpets, dance in front of the guests... And even console him! It's called being in a fairy tale!
Confronted with Admiral Inevitability, Captain Obvious was forced to submit...
Experienced traffic cops know that courage, honor and bravery of a driver are three signs and three components of alcohol intoxication.
I love the word "Hello". Combined with the phrase “How are you?”, it makes me indescribably delighted. And if you add “What are you doing?”, I just go into ecstasy
Heroes are needed where there is a shortage of professionals.
You don't have to be afraid to be a fool. Everyone around us is our own.
As long as you have legs, the road does not end; as long as you have a butt, something HAPPENS to it!!
You can't help your grief with tears, but you can achieve a lot...
The world belongs to optimists! Pessimists are just spectators!
Happiness is given only as a reward for the ability to love and forgive.
I love coming to the school playground and watching the hectic running of the children with their crazy screams and screams. How do they, foolish ones, know that I shoot blanks?
For Russian women, anger makes their breasts rise better than silicone.
Why is it that when a person talks to God it is prayer, but when God talks to a person it is schizophrenia?
Statuses on social networks are an excellent form of communication, with the subtext “Think about it, is this not for you”!?
My eyes didn’t betray me, but my heart beat.
Gentlemen, the future is yours. Move away.
Intuition is the ability of the head to smell from behind.
Alcohol is something that never betrays its fans.
If someone offends you, don’t sulk, don’t get angry.
Come, hit me in the face, step back and smile!
We are given a soul and a body, a world and the contours of destiny. Everything is given... But in black and white, and we color it!
Global warming threatens the Earth and requires a large amount of money.
They say that books are not needed at all now - everything is on the Internet... And what, one wonders, can be used to prop up a wobbly table?! Yandex?!
- Doctor, you all lied to me about the disease and the treatment... - Well, I’m not a doctor, but a doctor!
Mmm... what beautiful eyes are reading this status... Oooh... and what a beautiful smile appeared..)))
They just don't look each other in the eye.
I don’t need someone else’s, but I’ll take what’s mine - no matter who it is!
Life is a zebra. Walk along the white stripe and you will get a sea of positive emotions...
More bad news for pessimists. According to the latest Dutch research, optimists live longer.
A deer's dream is a sweater with people on it.
Lips in a bow, eyebrows like a house... again mixed rum with gin and tonic...
All these earthquakes, floods, volcanic eruptions... Does the Earth even know that there are people on it?
Our store has everything you want but cannot buy.
Popular wisdom says that being online does not mean wanting to answer...
Love also has autumn, and the one who has forgotten the taste of the kisses of his beloved knows it...
Stop worrying, live as you please!
If he doesn’t know how to love and doesn’t value you at all, leave without looking back at the past, you’re too good for him
If they spit in your back, it means you are ahead!
Life is a game in which the rules change so quickly that it often turns into a game without rules.
And only in Russia can a person come to the traffic police to get his license while driving his own car!
It's better to have big flaws than small virtues.
Yesterday I washed my jeans... Now I have clean jeans, two clean non-working lighters and a little experience in money laundering.
I ask people who think that I don’t like them to respond. If possible, I will come and share...
I found my place in life, but it’s taken...
- Stop sitting without money! — I thought and lay down.
A woman can endlessly look at several things: a fur coat she likes in a store window, diamonds, and how her friend is getting fatter.
Positive thinking is when you fell down the stairs and think: “Wow... How quickly I went down!”
I know that I will open my soul to the one who will be strong, like me, who can hear me, and not listen to me, to the one who can feel me!!!
In the summer we have global warming, in the winter there is an ice age, and in October we launch the collider.
If you've had untouched beer in your refrigerator for several days, you're touched.
There are officials who are not for sale. But they can be ordered.
Do you like coffee in bed in the morning, but are you lonely? A team of experienced movers will deliver you and your bed to any cafe in our city.
Nothing spoils my nervous system more than everything.
Sclerosis is a wonderful disease! Nothing hurts, but every day there is news!
If you know a lot, you will be very upset.
Don’t ask what I found in him... it was as if I hadn’t lived before him...
The most optimistic person is the one who uses his last money to buy the most luxurious and large wallet.
A person finds time for everything he really wants.
Female friendship is like a treasure: it needs to be found, but sometimes it’s better not to dig it up!
No ICQ can replace real human communication on Skype!
One head is good, but two is already ugly.
Everyone has their own recipe for happiness. I have a sign on my ceiling: “Tomorrow I’ll start running in the morning.” Every morning I wake up, see the inscription and think: “Eh, good thing it’s not today”!!
I'm like an echo - what a click, what a response...
If you don't call today, I will. And not for you...
An optimist is the one you send... and he, damn it, comes back rested and with a refrigerator magnet... bastard
The dignity of a man is the decency of his girlfriend.
You can’t be fluffy for everyone - they’ll take you to your collars!
Experience increases our wisdom, but does not decrease our stupidity.
Beauty is a terrible force, especially when combined with a cunning butt.
Many people think that if a girl is not in the mood, then she has problems... In fact, if your girl is not in the mood, then you have problems!
Dream like you're going to live forever!
Your head is always responsible for where your butt sits.
Optimists differ from pessimists in that the former are convinced that there is no death, and the latter are convinced that there was no life.
"Speak while you're angry, and it will be the best speech you'll regret."
I am the kindest person in the world. If there is someone kinder, I will kill him and again become the kindest!
You have no idea how difficult it is to be an enemy! You can't even take a nap!
Don't ask for advice! Because I have a more developed sense of humor than a sense of pity!
Professional success is not money or a high position. This is when in the office you sit with your back to the wall))
Where can you find someone who understands, loves, appreciates, calls, worries?
I don't care about money! They calm me down.
Until I found out what they were saying about me, I would never have thought that I live such an interesting life!
Never offend or try to lie to the person who looks into your eyes and sees his life in them..
At night, the husband unexpectedly returned from a business trip, saw that his wife was sleeping alone, was surprised and went back on a business trip.
I won’t adjust the crown, the halo doesn’t interfere
In the Middle Ages, people were not afraid to do harm to each other. The earth wasn't round after all))
I want to love and be loved... okay, I love to love, all that remains is to be loved...
The Chinese do not have the word “changed”, but they have the word “confused”...
If you want to get what you never had, become what you have never been.
A boy makes his girlfriend jealous of other girls, a man makes other women jealous of his.
The tragedy of men: some women are not to their liking, others are too tough, and still others are beyond their means!!!
Normal people wake up in the morning, but I rise up...
I decided to collect my thoughts. Not a single thought came to the meeting.
Life is sad... But the salary is ridiculous.
Thank you for the lesson! The rake has been passed...
A person must learn the secrets of life from himself, and not blindly believe in other teachings.
I put the house in order…..Before everything was lying around in its place, but now it’s neatly folded in an unknown place..
There was a doctors' strike in Uryupinsk; unfortunately, the demands made were not readable.
Today I received a receipt for gas. The price has risen again... Looks like Gazprom has a new dream(((
My conscience is so pure and transparent that it is almost invisible.
Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can't have it.
Yesterday, in a gateway, hooligans beat an optimist half to death.
It only takes one minute to notice a special person, just one hour to understand him, just one day to love him. And a whole life to forget him.
Out of 100 men, 60 do not believe in love, 40 do not want a serious relationship. But all 100 know for sure that the woman is to blame for everything.
Unfriended? Get your likes together, we're leaving)))
I just want to say, well, I’ve lived in this life - give me another.
Pharmacies need to sell time. It also heals.
If the streak of your life suddenly turns black, take a closer look, most likely it’s white, just covered in chocolate.
A horseshoe will never bring you happiness and good luck until you nail it to your hoof and start plowing like a horse!
I always forgive my enemies and treat them with a little love. All people have their own problems, and my enemies also have me.
Kind people! Give the victim of the Internet money for coffee, cigarettes and a housekeeper!
Life is a game! Play with others!
Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.
An optimist is a person who, even having fallen face first into the mud, is sure that it is healing!
—You have such beautiful photographs, you probably have a good camera! —Your borscht is so delicious. You must have great pots!
Everyone asks how things are going - I answer that nothing has changed in this life lately except my weight.
This status is especially for those who are now sitting at the computer, and have been cooking something on the gas stove for the second hour... It’s already done...
All my mistakes have an excuse - I’m living for the first time!
If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away.
After all, how many people don’t even suspect that they are a constant topic of someone’s conversation.
Yellow wine is called white because it is made from green grapes. Logic can be shoved into one place.
My kitten knows more keyboard shortcuts than I do!
It’s annoying when teenagers write in their statuses that they’re annoyed by teenagers))
Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul.
Optimists can also make mistakes, but they are always successful.
There are no weak people, we are all strong by nature. Our thoughts make us weak.
Selling my nervous system, in excellent condition! Starts with half a turn!
49% of accidents occur after the words “look how I can.” The remaining 51% after the words “crap, watch it right”![/su_note]
My status is so high-status that all other statuses are based on my status.
An alarm clock is hated only in two cases – when it rings and when it doesn’t ring.
An optimist is a pessimist after a glass.
I give a smile to many, a look to some, and a heart to one!!!
If the job itself is not looking for you, then you should not humiliate yourself by looking for it.
If Chinese children forget a change of shoes, they sew them on the way to school.
Where have you seen a cat that would care what mice say about it???
If a glass breaks, it’s fortunate. If happiness is broken, it’s time for a glass.
To the response: “I’ll kill you bastard!”, I calmly answer: “Get in line!”
If you want to change, become that change.
I was depressed for three days after I learned that the doors in the shopping center open not by the power of my indestructible and immense thoughts, but automatically.
A very flighty girl didn’t wait for the guy from the pharmacy.
The beauty of the body can attract, but only the beauty of the soul can hold.
Together we will move mountains! Well, or we’ll break some wood...
Life is beautiful!.. and I don’t care if it’s not true!
Thousands of words will leave less of a mark than the memory of one action.
Work is not money! It doesn't end!!!
The guard at the paint factory doesn't really realize that he's working without a partner.
I quit smoking when my cat asked me not to smoke on him.
The air is not felt until it is spoiled.
An optimist is a man sitting on a tram and trying to get acquainted with the blonde standing next to him!
If you are afraid to do something, then this is exactly what you need to do first.
The law of social networks: the further away a man is geographically, the easier it is for him to propose marriage.
Noticed: photographs taken on a foreign passport turn out much happier than photographs taken on a regular one))
-Doctor, I have sclerosis! From what time? - What since when?
It’s strange that the word “difficult to pronounce” is so difficult to pronounce.
It’s just that optimists’ dreams come true! And pessimists have nightmares.!!
I sleep like the dead. I was even circled with chalk several times.
No matter how many good things they say about me, I always have something to add!
In the morning - Turboslim coffee. In the evening - Turboslim tea. Well, at night - Turboslim in pies)))
The desire to eat is not a reason to get married.
There comes a time in every person's life when it is high time to sleep.
Hello rake, long time no see.
Appreciate today, although it is not enough, yesterday is past, but tomorrow has not come...
I am hard to find and easy to lose. No, not because I am so unforgettable and beautiful. I'm just not very good at navigating the terrain.
I have order in my head! On the left are cockroaches, on the right is megalomania!
- And how much will it cost? - It's free! - Sounds a little expensive.
The man on the top of the mountain did not fall there...
The easiest way to achieve a goal is to have one.
She wanted to jump out of the window. But then I thought that decent girls don’t lie around on the street, and decided to limit myself to hysterics.
A woman is the keeper of the hearth in which the family budget is burned.
For the second year now, the doctor’s grandchildren have been unable to read to whom the will was written...
She is so cute that she infuriates everyone around her.
An optimist is a person who smiles both on his own wedding day and on the day of his divorce.
Everything that happens to you is a consequence of one reason, and this reason for everything is only you.
Grasping your head with your hands does not mean grasping your mind.
Cool statuses with meaning
It only seems that we have actually become free, we just followed the command “At liberty!”
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No arguments can show a person a path he does not want to see.
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If the smart one doesn’t climb the mountain, then it’s even scary to imagine who’s there at the top.
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If you work all the time and never rest, you can become the richest man in the cemetery.
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- Intelligence is a disgusting thing! The fool is absolutely confident in the high level of his development. A smart person is well aware of what an idiot he is, in essence.
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Indecisiveness is worse than a failed attempt: water spoils less when it flows than when it stands still.
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A truly rich person will never show that he is rich, but this is not necessarily the case with the mind.
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If the majority were always right, the Sun would still be revolving around the Earth.
Anyone who wants is looking for opportunities. Those who don’t want to look for reasons.
- After all, the caterpillars live a great life: they eat for pleasure, then sleep in the warmth and, instead of accumulating fat, acquire the beauty of a butterfly!
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How to drive your lover crazy? Wear a bra with a front clasp, a body T-shirt with a hidden clasp between the legs and stretch pants with an imitation fly.
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The daughter runs around the room cheerfully and quickly. Husband: Mashenka, run more carefully! Otherwise you’ll crash your teeth into the nightstand, we’ll have a nightstand with teeth, but you won’t.
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Oh, who is this that wakes up? Oh, whose eyes are these opening? At night it jumped, galloped, and did not let people sleep. Don't tease me. Just give me some mineral water.
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If you go out into the yard at night, lie down and look at the sky through a colander, you can see the face of the emergency doctor.
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- What about a galloping horse? There are women in Russian megacities who can stop up to a thousand cars with a slight turn of the steering wheel.
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I walk through the city, attracting the gaze of passers-by. What interested them in me? Beauty is unlikely. I don't think it's popular. Maybe a working orange chainsaw in his hands?
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If I hide my eyes, it’s only because I’m afraid that one day they will eat someone!
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A positive person is the one who was sent to hell, and he returned from there rested and with magnets!
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I warned you not to bother me until ten in the morning. Before ten I can only kill.
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- The girl is like a child in kindergarten, if you don’t pick her up on time, she will run away to play in another sandbox.
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He gave me a hybrid of onions and hemp, but I don’t know whether to cry or laugh?!
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If you are too lazy to take out the trash, put it on the staircase, call the Ministry of Emergency Situations and report that you found a suspicious package.
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O powers of darkness, I appeal to you! Hear me! Come to me! And let's not make a sandwich.
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The wonders of air travel: breakfast in Warsaw, lunch in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Buenos Aires.
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- Just because your cat meows doesn't mean he's hungry. Just take your foot off his tail!
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If you suddenly feel bad and sad, think about the octopus. He has legs from his ears, and hands from his butt, and his butt with ears, and his head in his butt and nothing, he doesn’t complain.
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I look at myself in the mirror and think: she seems beautiful, slim, and not lacking in intelligence, but lonely. Maybe I should go to an ophthalmologist, maybe there’s something I’m not seeing.
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If a headless man is a man without a head, then a wealthy man without a liver?
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A programmer is walking down the street past houses, and then a brick falls on his head. “Tetris,” he thought.
Short funny statuses
The only thing I ask is that you give me a chance to see that money cannot make me happy.
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Before you say anything, make sure your tongue is connected to your brain.
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No matter what house, no matter what floor you live on, a neighbor with a drill will find you and move in next to you.
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If a woman has succeeded in life, looks stunning and confident in herself - she probably achieved all this to spite someone!
