Those who want look for opportunities; those who don’t want look for reasons.
Having opened the hub today, I saw a large number of publications on the topic of education. Since this topic is very close to me, I decided to share my thoughts. Those who want look for opportunities; those who don’t want look for reasons.
This thesis is applicable to many issues - lack of material and technical base at the university, stupid teachers, passivity of companies, etc. These are, of course, important reasons why young people don’t want to study, but let’s figure it out.
Lack of material and technical base
I often hear that university A has a computing cluster, university B has an innovation center, and we only have a few coffins running Windows 3.11.
I see this myself at my own university. Often, in this way, a young specialist justifies himself, “they say, it’s not my fault, there was no database - that’s why I don’t know anything.” Following this logic, not a single graduate of the spherical Mukhosran Technical University can, by definition,
be smarter than a student at top universities.
In the same way, a Harvard graduate must
be smarter than all the graduates from all universities in the world.
But real life shows that a graduate of the spherical Mukhosran Technical University and a graduate of the country’s top university can end up sitting next to each other at some Microsoft Research, Google or Oracle. And all because different people accepted the difficulties that arose in their lives in different ways.
. Some found this to be the reason for their inactivity, while others found it a call to action.
Stupid teachers
You can argue here for a long time and the truth will be somewhere in the middle.
But according to the laws of normal distribution, there are always those 20% of smart teachers with whom you can and should deal. But very often, a student deliberately chooses frankly weak teachers in order to complete his work faster and more carelessly. Or, knowing that the teacher is smart but demanding, they deliberately choose a weaker and less demanding one so that there are fewer problems. And now a little personal. I had a physics teacher—not that he was a bad physicist, but a bad teacher—that’s for sure. Bad because all these students and lectures in his 40th year of teaching looked the same. As a result, a roll of toilet paper was more informative than a physics note. A strong-willed decision was made not to go to classes so as not to waste our precious time
. But the session came and I had to pass the subject. What do you think 90% of the students did? They guessed right - they splashed out a little money for the development of the Department of Physics and the financial status of the teachers of the Department of Physics. As a result, no knowledge, no money... I learned a book on physics in 2.5 days and passed the exam on my own.
As a young teacher, I can say that when you voluntarily talk and show C# instead of Pascal, MS SQL and MySQL instead of DOS FoxPro, and when you end up taking the student out of his trance for three minutes after the question “what is a query,” then continue talking about data mining, Factor analysis and MVC somehow don’t want to...
Passivity of companies
Everything is simple here - companies believe that universities should provide them with trained students, universities believe that they should only provide equipment.
As a result, we have a situation where a graduate vaguely understands what OOP is, and at the same time gets lost when hearing the phrase “Runge-Kutta method.” And why all? Companies think it's okay to throw away tons of money on advertising and PR, but they don't think it's okay to invest that money in training. What can I say: I can’t get 1-2 specialists from local companies to speak at a user group once a month and create more than a ton of banners for their company’s PR!
At the same time, at the university everyone wants to try on stars on their shoulders and no one wants to let “strangers” in (because compared to strangers they will look like you know what).
Now let's move on to the most important thing
We can criticize our education and bureaucracy for a long time (I do this myself, but that’s not about it now), but until we have positive trends, we need to do something.
There are a huge number of technical events taking place in Moscow, Kyiv, and Minsk, where you can get advice from professionals for $0.00. There are many people (evangelists, education managers, research program managers, MVP, MSP etc.) who will be happy to advise you on the direction of your activities, sign you up for programs, etc. etc. (skeptics don’t need to say that these are adherents of “M$” or adherents of “G$”, because in the absolute majority they are professionals who do not allow themselves to shout in the style of “something there - s**t” O"). A little more from experience. Very often I invited various people to participate in the project “for knowledge.” Those. you write something to us (not commercial code, not freelancing, but simply the implementation of interesting ideas), we teach you for free
. Of the about 20 people who passed through me over the past year, only 2 (!) gave a sane result. The rest either disappeared or became uninteresting.
What is this talking about? About the fact that people want everything at once, but do not want to do anything about it.
Even if your university is in the desert and all you have is an Internet connection, it's not a hopeless case
, and if there is also a computer class and a technical library, don’t say that someone was stopping you from studying.
Therefore, look for opportunities, not reasons.
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Those who want, look for opportunities; those who don’t want, look for reasons
. The most purposeful person is the one who really wants to go to the toilet: all obstacles seem insignificant, for him everything is insignificant except the goal. Agree, it’s funny to hear phrases like: “I peed myself because I didn’t have time to go to the toilet; because I was too tired; because I lost hope and no longer believed that I could run!” And also “Well, of course, he made it, but his legs are so long!”; “This is clearly not for me”, “I knocked on the toilet, but they didn’t open it for me!”, “I lacked motivation” or “I decided to do it tomorrow...”. All these are phrases from the Victim’s dictionary. Attention, question: are these your phrases? Are they helping you achieve your goals? A frequently encountered situation in life: “I don’t work because work itself doesn’t want to come to me.” Are you familiar with this statement from people who justify their idleness by saying that they don’t want to look for a job? It’s more common to lie on the sofa and put on a suffering face as a victim of cruel circumstances. People often make choices that they do not want to admit to themselves, and as a psychological defense, they cover them up with far-fetched, false excuses. “I was late because I wanted to get more sleep. Well, I really wanted to sleep!” — with the subtext “I wanted to sleep so much that I had no strength to resist. This was objectively impossible.” People come up with excuses for themselves - it's easy. It’s easy to call your laziness to collect yourself and move forward as an age crisis, the fear of building new relationships is easy to formulate for yourself (and others) by the self-sufficiency of your nature, you can justify your lack of restraint with your character, and you can explain your bad manners with your emotionality... Once upon a time, the invented excuses are so plausible that from the outside it is impossible to overturn them; only the person himself can admit to a lie. It also happens differently when a person deceives himself for so long and successfully that it is difficult to figure it out without outside help. Strong and responsible people in this case can act as educators. Sometimes this happens during psychological training. At the training, the answer is clarified: “To be honest, of course I wanted to sleep, but I myself decided that it was possible to be late. It was my choice. If I considered the matter very important, I would get up on time and not be late.” How to educate people so that they become the authors of their own lives? The main thing is to teach people to be attentive to themselves, so that they stop lying to themselves, covering up their real choices with false excuses. Next, develop and strengthen the author’s position that has already emerged. If you are ready to work on yourself to develop your position as an author, here are some recommendations: Keep your word. Keep your posture and smile. Get off the couch and look for ways out of the dead ends you created.
Those who want look for a way, those who don’t want look for a reason...
It is not known in what country this was, No one knows in what centuries, A student boy walked, humming lightly, Either he was in a hurry to see a friend, or to his sweetheart, He was rich today, like a whole bank! After all, at the bottom of his wallet there was a lonely ringing sound, with his cheerful gait in time, Maybe a copper lyre, or maybe a franc, Or maybe a dinar - that’s not the point. The evening shrouded the buildings in a scarf of fog, and cold rain splashed down the collar. Suddenly, at the temple, an old man in flowery rags extended his hand to him for alms. He was thinner than his staff, it seemed; Rain fell on the rags and empty bag. The guy's heart sank sadly and sharply. “Here,” he said and gave the coin to him. The beggar clutched a coin in his yellow palm And said, as if a poplar rustled; - There is nothing else in your wallet. You gave me the last thing you had. I know everything. And for a good soul, as a reward, I will fulfill your only desire. There is no need to be surprised, my boy, now. So what is your heart especially happy about? Speak up, it’s completely dark. What a weirdo! Well, what other desire? Anyway, okay, let's see. I agree... let... - I would like to know by heart all the thoughts of anyone I meet at a distance! - To love the harmony of a tree on earth, do not look at the twists of the roots underground. Oh, naive!.. - The old man shook his head and, sighing, disappeared into the evening darkness. The rain is over. The lanterns flashed in the foliage, The Hat of the Month floats lonely in the middle of the pond. The water glistens with varnish. The guy sat down on the bench and lit a cigarette. What a funny old man! And you are cunning, friend! There are probably husband and wife in the window. Who will answer what he and she think? The student laughed. He laughed and suddenly... The husband said: “Darling, we have a lot of things to do in our service.” Maybe tomorrow I’ll be late.” And I thought: “I’ll run to Lucy for an hour, kiss her and get a little drunk.” It flashed through my wife’s mind; “Work hard, weirdo, So I’ll be in the kitchen toiling over the fire. I have a girlfriend after all. She and I know very well where we will go.” And she answered loudly: “It’s a terrible pity!” Tomorrow I wanted to go with you to buy a shawl for your mother at the market. Well, there's nothing to do. Not this time... The student turned away. There's a house opposite, There's a daughter-in-law above her old father-in-law, She'll give the sick man medicine, or tea, She'll take care of him touchingly. - Here's a hot water bottle for you, dad! - And about myself; “If only you could quickly go to your forefathers!” - Maybe you feel bad, dad? - And about myself; “The whole apartment would then go to us.” The guy sighed sadly. I looked at the boulevard. Over there, the lovers hid under the shade of a plane tree. He said: “The ocean, like a planet, is old. Imagine: an aquarium shaped like a ball.” Have you heard about life at the bottom of the ocean? I thought myself, stroking the girl’s lock; “Good, but naive and wild. What should I do: kiss bravely? Or maybe it’s a little early?” And she: “And the depths of the seas were given to him! Well, what does sea urchins have to do with it, let’s face it? However, like this: if he suddenly starts kissing, I’ll get angry and first I’ll say: don’t you dare! After all, everything can’t be as simple as two and two. A nice guy, but so timid and strange.” And she exclaimed: “Clever head!” I love hearing about the oceans! Two friends were walking past. The first one said: “Give me a loan until Wednesday.” I'm a reliable guy. - And the second: - I have no money myself, otherwise I would have given it. - And I thought: “You probably won’t give it back yet!” The student got up and walked, stumbling in the darkness, And in his ears it was like a ringing or howling wind: “To love the harmony of a tree on earth, Do not look at the twists of the roots underground.” But people are not evil! That's it... for now! It will end, this double market. A student was walking, he was in a hurry, he was looking for an old man, To give, to return his unnecessary gift. And he walked along roads and without roads, Through forests and villages all over the earth, And he searched in the sun, and in the blue darkness, But he could not find the old man anywhere. He muttered among the streets and squares: “I will find you, old man, at any cost!” — I smiled at the sight of truthful people and suffered when I met a double soul. Years rush by, or perhaps centuries have passed, But he still repeats: - Find-doo... find-doo... The old man is still missing, the old man can’t be found! Only the echo is barely audible in response: - Aw-ow... And when suddenly in the forest, on a steep bank, This distant sound reaches you, You will understand what this “Aw” means!.. Why is that boy suffering so much. It reads: “Hypocrites, please don’t be cunning! To good souls, you bastard, don’t interfere with your friends! People, think the way you talk. Otherwise, you can’t live on earth!”
Eduard Asadov
If you want, you will find time; if you don’t want, you will find a reason...
Because the art of poetry requires words, I - one of the deaf, bald, sullen ambassadors of the second-rate power associated with this one - not wanting to rape my own brain by handing out my own clothes, I go down to the kiosk to get the evening newspaper. The wind blows the leaves. The dim glow of old light bulbs in these sad lands, whose epigraph is the victory of mirrors, with the assistance of puddles, generates the effect of abundance. Even thieves steal the orange by scraping the amalgam. However, the feeling with which you look at yourself is a feeling I have forgotten. In these sad lands, everything is designed for winter: dreams, prison walls, coats, brides' clothes - New Year's white, drinks, second hands. Sparrow jackets and dirt according to the number of alkalis; Puritan morals. Lingerie. And in the hands of the violinists are wooden heating pads. This region is motionless. Imagining the volume of gross cast iron and lead, you will shake your head in amazement, remembering the former government on bayonets and Cossack whips. But the eagles land like a magnet on the iron mixture. Even the wicker chairs are held together with nuts and bolts. Only fish in the seas know the value of freedom; but their dumbness forces us, as it were, to create our own labels and cash registers. And the space sticks out with a price list. Time is created by death. Needing bodies and things, it seeks the properties of both in raw vegetables. Kochet listens to the chimes. Living in an era of achievements with an exalted character is, unfortunately, difficult. Having lifted up the beauty’s dress, you see what you were looking for, and not new marvelous divas. And it’s not that Lobachevsky is strictly followed here, but the expanded world must narrow somewhere, and here—here is the end of perspective. Either the map of Europe was stolen by agents of the authorities, or the five-sixths remaining in the world are too far away. Either some good fairy is casting a spell over me, but I can’t escape from here. I pour myself some Cahors - don’t shout to the servant - and scratch the cat... Either a bullet in the temple, as if in the place of a mistake with a finger, or pull from here across the sea with the new Christ. And even if you don’t confuse your drunken eyes, stunned by the cold, with a steam locomotive and a ship, you still won’t burn with shame: just like a canoe on the water, the locomotive’s wheel will not leave a mark on the rails. What do they write in the newspapers in the “From the Courtroom” section? The sentence has been carried out. Looking here, the average person will see through tin-rimmed glasses how a man lies face down against a brick wall; but doesn't sleep. For dreams with holes in them have the right to disdain the dome. The vigilance of this era is rooted in those times, unable, in their general blindness, to distinguish those who fell out of their cradles from those who fell out of their cradles. The white-eyed monster does not want to look further than death. It’s a pity, there are plenty of saucers, but there’s no one to turn the table with to ask you, Rurik. The vigilance of these times is vigilance for the things of a dead end. It’s not appropriate to spread your mind over the tree yet, but like a spit on the wall. And it’s not the prince who wakes up the dinosaur. For the last line, oh, you can’t snatch the bird’s feather. The innocent head of all things can only expect an ax and a green laurel.
Joseph Brodsky
“Those who want, look for opportunities; those who don’t want, look for excuses.”
There is hardly a person who has not had to justify himself at least in small things. But what underlies the desire to justify yourself? And why do many people so persistently try to prove their innocence, non-involvement in some event or its accident, unintentionality?
Let's immediately define the concepts:
Justification is self-defense and an attempt to evade responsibility.
An explanation is caring for a partner and accepting responsibility for what happened, if involved in the situation.
Reasons for excuses:
1. The main one is a person’s desire to shield himself and avoid responsibility. Prove that he is not at all to blame for what happened and is not involved in the situation, in principle. He is ready to shift responsibility onto anyone, just so as not to answer for the offense himself. This is the behavior of an immature person. It’s enough to remember how skillfully children protect themselves.
2. Position of the Victim. More often, people with low self-esteem make excuses; they tend to blame themselves, experience feelings of guilt, and are therefore accustomed to making excuses.
3. Authoritarian personality type. Excuses are usually a response to a real or imagined accusation. If you don’t like the fact that a person constantly makes excuses to you, pay attention - perhaps you blame him too often. And those who blame and wait for excuses are those for whom it is important not to figure it out, but to find the guilty and shift responsibility for failure, without offering a constructive solution.
4. Personality type: psychologically mature person - seeks constructive solutions, does not blame others, does not expect excuses and does not make excuses himself.
An authoritarian rigid (inflexible) personality expects justification from others, who are a priori to blame for everything. An immature person makes excuses, defends himself, and abdicates responsibility.
“I just didn’t know!” is an excuse for self-defense. “I’ve already figured it out, and I’ll keep it in mind for the future,” this is a constructive decision.
Examples of what we really mean when we use certain excuses:
1) “Sorry, I'm late”: Obviously, you are not particularly bothered by the fact that you are constantly late, otherwise you would start making every effort to be on time. If being late is a constant problem for you, then there are several reasons why you use this excuse:
• You do not value other people's time and consider yourself more important than them. In your opinion, they won't mind if they have to wait for you.
• You refuse to take responsibility for managing your own time. It will not be difficult for you to get out of bed on time and find out whether there will be traffic jams today.
These are all signs that you are behaving like a small child, confident that for some reason you deserve leniency.
2) “I'm too busy for this”:
• Perhaps it's time to master time management?
• Are you showing everyone else that they have less work or a lower social status?
• You don't want to communicate with these people? So why not just say it.
• I often meet people who use the phrase: “I’m very busy for this” to cover up their idleness.
And by the way, unlike the last twentieth century, in the modern world constant employment is an indicator that a person is not able to find a balance between work and rest, and this is a bad indicator for a successful person.
3) “I'm not good enough”:
Each of us has experienced this feeling at least once in our lives, but some people use it as an excuse not to do something they don't want to do. Perhaps it's time to work on your self-esteem? Or is it easier to avoid responsibility?
5) “I’m not ready because...”.
Many perfectionists use this phrase as an excuse for putting off achieving their ultimate goal. Or it happens due to fear of failure or success. In this case, keep in mind that when you resist change, you allow fear to take control of your life. Maybe you'll still take the first step?
6) “I’ll do it later...”.
Are you waiting for the perfect moment or have you become too close friends with procrastination, which loves to put everything off until the mythical tomorrow?
How to stop constantly making excuses?
1. Realize the true reason for your excuses. Fear of the unknown? Or that you set impossible goals for yourself? Or are you afraid of responsibility?
2. Accept the fact that there are no people who never make mistakes. Especially if you decide to take the path of a successful person. How will you rise after natural crisis situations?
3. Frankly admit to yourself that it is so convenient for you because others solve problems for you, adapt to your schedule (“Oh, I’m always late!”), and do not trust you with responsible matters. But this, in general, turns out to be a convenient position...
Excellent manipulation of the environment: “I can’t do this. You know my situation,” and have been reminding everyone about my situation for 10 years so that they don’t forget.
Comfortable. And this justification has a name – secondary benefit. “As if the Victims” love her very much, which means there is no need to worry about it.
4. Or maybe it’s time to take care of your self-esteem and visit a specialist?
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Live, don't hide. Who wants, looks for opportunities, who doesn’t want - reasons
He immediately told me that he doesn’t need a serious relationship right now and he just needs a person with whom it would be easy and comfortable for him to spend his free time.
I remained cold and distanced myself from him, while maintaining friendly relations, joking a lot - out of fear of my own feelings, fear of admitting to myself that he had become too dear to me and that I was thinking about him every minute.
Over time, he began to receive SMS with the following content: “It’s a pity that you are only a friend to me” or “You could make any man happy.” I was in love with him...
I repeatedly told him that I wanted to be alone and that I didn’t need a serious relationship, and that one-night stands were completely disgusting. In turn, he constantly repeated that he did not want to bind himself, but preferred to live for his own pleasure and not have any obligations. But after each such conversation, I received SMS from him in which he expressed regret that I was not his woman.
I'm lying that I don't love you
Finally I realized that he was also in love with me, and I noticed how painful it was for him when, for example, I told him that I couldn’t see him because I was going bowling, because “in the end I want to really meet him.” great feeling!" In fact, I didn’t go anywhere, I sat at home, thought about him and cried.
Finally he said that he wanted a serious relationship with me. I replied that he was not my type and that I treated him like a brother. Even though I really wanted to be with him, I lied because I can't figure out my life.
He has a child and spends a lot of time with him and his ex-wife.
He's with them all weekend. I can't understand how I could fit into their lives. No, I don't belong there. But should I, instead of lying, tell him the truth, tell him how much it hurts me? We still remain friends... Elena N.
Comments from Denis BUGULOV, psychologist, founder of the Institute of Integrative Psychodrama, business coach, writer, Ph.D., Bachelor of Psychology, Master of Science in Psychological Counseling.
- Elena, of course, you must say what you feel! During your time communicating through misconceptions and omissions, you both cultivated a feeling in each other that is rare in our time. And you have no moral right to deprive a man of his own choice. I would understand your reticence if he were not divorced, but now such behavior is weakness on your part. You can ask me: “Why doesn’t he confess first?..” But, as can be seen from your letter, he has already indirectly done this in his SMS. In addition, men tend to take a more strict approach to friendship responsibilities, and who, if not you, should relieve him of them?
I believe that the primary and more difficult task for you than a frank conversation will be to try to understand the reasons for your “indecisiveness”. Let me offer possible explanations.
What is the reason?
First . You yourself are not ready for a marital relationship. Here it makes sense to work with the family attitudes that you learned from your parents’ family and your defensive reactions to them. Most likely, the help of a family psychologist will be needed. Unfortunately, I don’t know your childhood family experience, your age, or social status, so I’ll limit myself to only a general recommendation.
Second . You are frightened by the active participation of the one you love in the life of his child and ex-wife. Indeed, it is impossible to erase the previous family system from your relationship, and here you need to come to terms with the fact that the man will not belong only to you (the opposite attitude is an illusion in any case). However, from the point of view of the laws of systems, a new system always has advantages over the previous one, and the issue is resolved by setting priorities and their regulation.
Third . Fear of sex. The topic is interesting, worthy of a separate article. Therefore, I will limit myself here to just its designation. If the answer “stutters”, i.e. If a positive or negative emotional reaction occurs, see a psychologist.
Fourth . Life attitude: “I suffer, that means I exist.” Try other identity options. This attitude is extremely selfish and unworthy of a woman who is ready to love a man and help him, and not parasitize on his emotions under the guise of self-sacrifice. To leave this assumption for elaboration or to dismiss it, ask yourself whether your man has become stronger due to your relationship, and if not, think about it.
Fifth . Fear of rejection. This fear is tantamount to the fear of responsibility for oneself. Sometimes it seems that it is better to deceive yourself and build castles in the air than to live seriously. The longer you play this game, the harder it is to stop, and then fate itself does it for you, but we call this scenario a disaster. Prevent your disaster.
All of the problems listed above can be solved, as well as dozens of others not listed here. The main thing, Elena, is to live, not hide. Those who want to live look for opportunities to be happy, those who are afraid look for excuses.
