Experts tell us how not to be disappointed in a holiday romance


  • What is friendship?
  • About disappointment in friendship
  • What seemed like friendship
  • So as not to be disappointed

Friendly relations have ended and it seems that there are enemies around, no one understands? Is the world now seen through glasses of mistrust? Betrayed by a person who has become your family? This is a disappointment in friendship.

What is friendship?

To be friends means to have a close, trusting relationship with another person. This connection is similar in strength to gender relations, to love, but only in the intensity of mental and emotional experiences and affection. Friendship and love are similar, because in both cases there is jealousy of a person dear to the heart towards another.

Therefore, broken hearts happen in love and in true friendship: first there is dissatisfaction, anger and, finally, disappointment. Why is this happening? To answer the question, let’s figure out what do people expect from friendship?

What does an ideal friendship look like?

Trusted. Open. Forgiving. Giving positive emotions. Familiar, since friendship is usually long-lasting. Relieving sadness and sadness in difficult times. A friend must come to the rescue. Friends enjoy spending time together. You approve of your friend's actions; at least he meets your expectations.

Poems about disappointment

So I finally waited for the feeling that is called disappointment. And there will be no merging of hearts, And there will be no more understanding!

A few minutes were enough for me to really be convinced - How very difficult it is, If the dream does not come true.

All that time - every day and hour I fed myself with hopes. I believed in love every time... I raised a sweet illusion!

It hurts, it’s bitter, it’s heavy in the soul. It’s a pity that you can’t share the suffering! There is no hatred - it has already passed. And what remains is DISAPPOINTMENT... Poems about disappointment

Like through a well, I looked at the world. The soul could see Life, pink to the limit, and pastel colors of feelings. At first I didn’t believe myself when with my own hand I exchanged my peace like copper for gold for a whirlwind of excitement for the sake of silence next to you and strangely pure words - like the one above our heads, rain-washed foliage. I didn’t think about tomorrow: What difference does it make, since for a wonderful and sudden dream they will make you pay the bills. Do you need my love, Battered by the winds of pain?.. She will not be the same again And she will not allow us to be together...

And in the noise of ghostly winds, only an echo will return the love that has survived everything, At the feast of mourning, the queen...

You still need her, Your dreams are crazy about her... But she has been alone for so long and her shoulders are hunched over sore...

You didn’t hide it once from the burning rays of the sun... And now the monument is no one’s, And the date has been erased by time... The closer I get to my airy dream, the further I move away from you. I have forgiven a lot in my life, lovingly, But you looked at everything with indifference.

I tried to express grievances and doubts, I shared my secrets without hiding. But she drove away without regret, You didn’t understand, you were stingy with kindness.

I was blissful in my suffering, idolizing you alone everywhere. And blinded by a ghostly desire, I didn’t believe in the unrealizability of a miracle. I came to the grave of my memories, Here, in theory, a poem should be born higher... Above all theories of the universe. Theoretically, I should hear God here. This is where a masterpiece is destined to be born! Medicine for my soul, Which should rain over the world, But I just can’t find the words - tell me! Tell me the right word, I want the veil of my ideas, A simple set of interjections and verbs, to tear people’s hearts apart, So that in the chaos of worries and same-type days, My poem burns brighter than all the lights, Brighter than all the aspirations of truths and desires, But it’s better for me to forget about this, After all, I will not resurrect my memories, Which means I will not resurrect the poet in my heart.

Poems about disappointment

The green evening star has already risen. It's spring again. The water is running again. The darkness trembles.

And again, confused, I stare into the silent distance. And again the winter reproach weighs heavily. And my heart is sorry, -

It’s a pity that everyone is destined to live in betrayal, always. And in the sky, impartially and coldly, a star trembles. And I notice more and more often and am convinced again and again - So brightly, ardently ignited, love becomes unnecessary.

Perhaps feelings have become everyday. Love has been beaten by our drab way of life. Loving is now becoming unfashionable. And the thrill of feelings is suppressed and forgotten.

Lost love, put on the shelf Like a book that has been read to holes And, alas, there is no point in rereading Familiar love, like an ancient world.

Living without love is becoming habitual. Life is becoming more comfortable every day. And what used to be indecent We, in a banal way, call it sex. Disappointment

The past days of enchantment, My soul cannot return you! Having learned only suffering in love, She has lost desires And again does not ask to love.

Young dreams will not wander to her, They will not reconcile with hope again, They will not go with her to magical lands, They will not start merry songs And they will not speak sweet dreams.

Her only destiny is sad: To spend years insensitively, And to a land not far from the sorrowful, Under the voice of a funeral prayer, To endure only prayers. Oh my God, how hard it is to sit alone and wait for you. Not to hear your gentle voice, Not to see your sweet face, Not to feel your breath, Not to see your dear eyes, Not to hug, not to be in an embrace And this is not the first time. And then one cold night I will get up and read poetry, And I will shout to the darkness: “Darling! Why did you hurt me?!” But I won’t hear an answer, Because you’re not next to me! Disappointment

Bam, what legs I see! Oh, what legs I see! Adrenaline rushes from breasts and miniskirt! A nose, eyebrows in the “Gothic” style, a mouth like a Barbie doll, an aquamarine flashed from under a fan of eyelashes.

I caught up with you in two leaps, To clarify the tram route, And I was ready to give you my heart and car, You turned around casually, And grinned unkindly, Obscenely explained “hu” I am, and who.

Ah, charm, you are charm, Entirely charm, and charm at the same time, But... disappointment, disappointment, Disappointment, in the end, is one thing!

I'm definitely delusional today! Not drunk, I'm clearly delirious! An angel floats past in a mink coat. The silhouette is like that of a goddess, and again a mini skirt. I feel like I’m hitting the jackpot, like in Sportsloto!

Having almost lost consciousness, I whisper words of confession, And I’m ready to give my heart and car. I explain popularly, That I languish in soul, like Byron. The angel asks languidly: “Byron...who is this?”

Ah, charm, you are charm, Entirely charm, and charm at the same time, But... disappointment, disappointment, Disappointment, in the end, is one thing! Poems about disappointment in love

I'll leave and won't regret it. What is gone will not return. Birds will sing on the street, Seeing off the sleeping sun.

Why is their song so sad? As if the songbird, day and spring will never meet again; Young heart and love.

Don't be sad, because sunrise is coming soon. Again the sun will rise above the earth, But then it will fall asleep again In a light haze behind a distant mountain.

It comes back day after day, It comes back again and again. Only my poor heart is unlikely to believe in love again.

Poems about disappointment

Do not reproach for the inattention of your neighbors. Become a support in human sorrow. Don’t throw unnecessary words into the wind, so as not to regret it later with longing.

Share the warmth of your smile, your radiant joy as you run, and forgive the unexpected mistakes of yourself, your friend, and your enemy. Disappointment

Disappointment in love often occurs in our lives. Will she live forever? One year? Two? Three? So God alone knows about this. You cherish and protect your feelings, giving everything to them without a trace. There is no spark and you cannot light a flame. Either in a hut, or in abundance. You shout to your fire: “Burn!” And your fire of love goes out... Disappointment in love... Let it not come for you. I could give you a piece of my life, just as I hoped and waited for your decisions. For the first time with passion, I wanted one thing, I was confident in you for a long time, and without a doubt. You won’t understand all the hidden torments that were given to me, I don’t want to experience it, I don’t have enough strength! Why did they confess their love with you so often? For us, I stood at the icon and asked?! Don’t think that despair rules me, I don’t have weakness by nature. The pain in my heart, it just poisons me from the inside, Because you kissed me so tenderly. A template I came up with myself for relationships, All lovers are together everywhere, forever! I forgot about a dozen other people’s words, opinions, then I gave myself to you sincerely! Let's forget everything I wrote, so that the words remain dishonest. And then I simply said everything, We once dreamed naively... Disappointment

I strive for you with all my soul, Enduring resentment, pain, I want to be alone with you, The salt of my whole life is in you.

Why do I endure insults, I shout to you, wait, But still I love you, With a love that is not earthly.

I filled my heart with you, There is no place for others, Now I only scold myself, You are not with me.

So hour after hour the days go by, Year after year goes by, Love and pain burn my heart, Those who love will understand. We will never treat each other with care again. I’ll bite my lip until it bleeds, I’ll count the years we’ve lived together... Love and respect can’t be returned, a night without sleep and an abyss behind me, I’ll look at my reflection and there’s no happiness in sight ahead. I’ll be sad and throw away the bad, I’ll forget everything like unnecessary trash. Why should I live like an outcast and share grievances in half? I have tenderness and care and love, probably somewhere there... Melting all this is not work, but a gift to gentle hands!

Poems about disappointment

I don’t want to live: Wait, hope again And give the rest of my soul to dreams. Why, fate, are you so harsh with me? Help me at least once - put out the light in life...

I'm tired of running, My knees are bleeding, And there's no light in my soul - hope is gone. All words about love are forgotten in my heart. Help me leave, life is an empty game.

How can I come to terms with the fact that I have not been loved for a long time, have been unwanted for a long time, and are of no use to anyone? And the light went out - An invisible ray of happiness. Help me drink the cup of poison to the bottom.

I don't want to live. A terrible moment of waiting. And through the sand through my fingers, I’m going nowhere. The taste of death is bitter... Only minutes of suffering... You will never see me again..... DISAPPOINTMENT

The dance is light, swanlike, like day kisses the night. All the rubies of our feelings are split! No matter how you prophesy, Everything slides past somewhere, Everything has passed and has not come true! And sad frost flies into the beauty of wedding roses.

And my curves fly into the cold of fatal silk. Only heart bruises in the world are eternal under the moon.

About disappointment in friendship

Remember the well-known saying: “An old friend is better than two new ones” - it contains the answer to disappointments in friendship. What does the above saying want to tell us? Why does an old friend become preferable to two others in return? Yes, because an old, time-tested friend is more or less known to you, you know what to expect from him. The last point of friendly qualities speaks to the same thing: “... he meets expectations...”. That's where the dog is buried! As long as a person behaves in a way that suits you, as long as he receives silent approval from you, he is a good friend. But everything becomes different with a sharp or slow change in his behavior or with the appearance of new, incomprehensible habits for you, which for unknown reasons come into conflict with your ideas and attitudes about how he should behave. There is disappointment in friendship.

Do not forget that all relationships between people in this world should be built on mutual respect, including friendship. Respect equally all people on earth, acquaintances and strangers, friends and enemies, as well as yourself. Absolutely any person is worthy and should receive the same respect. In fact, everyone is free to do what they want. This concerns you only when your immediate peace of mind, safety, and so on are disturbed.

In the meantime, an individual lives the way he wants and this does not affect you - you have no right to judge, teach, or blame him. Even if you do not understand the motives of another subject’s action, this does not mean that he owes you something, but did not do it. No one owes nothing to nobody. Let this thought prevail. Friendship should not be built on expectations and obligations, but should come from the heart, just like love. Both of these feelings are irrational and mysterious. They can be compared to creativity, with an unexpected impulse, when you don’t know why, but you start creating something, in no way expecting anything from your work, without making predictions.

What actually happens? First you have a circle of people you know. After experiencing joyful or sad events together, you single out from the “general mass” one or two people whom you liked more or with whom you already have at least something in common. A friendship begins, expressed in special regard. You may be united by rejection of other people or even hatred of someone, condemnation of someone. Joyful events and experiences, unfortunately, “glue” people together much less than hatred. It’s just that we’re usually used to expressing negative feelings more strongly than positive ones: it’s very easy to get very angry, but only children (and some “non-standard” adults) can be just as happy about an ordinary event.

The problem is that adults, unlike children, are accustomed to opening up to a friend, showing complete trust in him only along with “hanging” hopes and obligations on him. It turns out that in order not to earn another mental wound, of which adults have more than children, a person takes a kind of risk for himself, opening his soul to a friend, talking about unflattering secrets, presenting himself in a not very favorable light, which will not be seen in front of other people. do. In return, as insurance, he wants a guarantee that all secrets will remain secrets, that a friend will always prioritize you and not any other person, that he will always protect you, just as you protect him.

This is where the imbalance in relationships begins: you place your hopes on someone, take risks, opening up an inner world that is closed to others, and now any discrepancy with the “good friend” template is perceived as betrayal, deception, disappointment.

Unique or repeatable

Experts also note that you should not make mistakes in building relationships, wasting your time on unfree partners, as well as toxic and short-term relationships, which will later be difficult and painful.

But, since it is impossible to foresee all the nuances of relationships, disappointments after romantic acquaintances are in some cases inevitable. Olga Khabibulina believes that first of all you need to trust your heart. And even if the person you met on vacation is not your chosen one for life, but only for a while, then he will still teach you something and bring you closer to finding your person. If the relationship does not work out, the psychologist advises you to think about what this novel taught you, and be sure to find a resource for yourself in this lesson. Then it will be easier to survive the situation.

Photo: depositphotos/AllaSerebrina

What seemed like friendship

Disappointment in friendship still occurs in some cases. What if what you thought was friendship wasn't? This happens when there is not enough warmth in life, a friendly shoulder, due to fear of loneliness, or all these factors combined. A friend becomes a salvation in such a situation, it doesn’t matter that it’s not real, but just an acquaintance. Or the following situation is possible: a person could become your good, sincere friend, but you put a label on him, attribute qualities that are desirable for you, but not inherent in him. Later, when the discrepancy is revealed, there is disappointment with anger and a feeling of being betrayed by someone and abandoned.

If a person is not ready to be frank with himself, then he does not seem to be what he really is. A good-natured, sweet person can turn out to be selfish, a smiling person can turn out to be a miser. But remember that there is a chance to figure it out and find out what the motives of your friendship are. To do this, you need to look at the situation soberly, give up your expectations of seeing a caring friend in front of you and try to understand what he really is like.

The option of friendship out of habit is widespread, because you don’t want to leave your comfort zone and break off a fake relationship. Such necessary breaks sometimes move you further in development and teach you.

Why not a novel?

Where else can you fall in love if not on vacation? The eyes are shining, the look is rested, the suitcase contains only the best outfits. Is it worth starting a relationship at a resort?

“Holiday romances are less successful than other relationships because people tend to bring out the best versions of themselves when they travel. And then ordinary life begins, the fairy tale ends. Not everyone is ready to accept a real person with his fatigue, ailments, and everyday problems for a long time. But if you create a long-term relationship, then it doesn’t matter where and how you created it,” says practicing psychologist Olga Khabibulina.

Family relations expert Olga Shefergir is sure that a life partner with serious intentions can also be met on vacation. “My friend couldn’t meet a man for a long time. And finally I found it when I went on an excursion in Spain to pray at the statue of the Black Madonna, which, according to legend, fulfills all wishes. Her chosen one was the driver of the excursion bus. As a result, he moved to Russia, and together they organized their own travel company,” the expert shares.

Photo: depositphotos/adriaticphoto

So as not to be disappointed

While all is not lost, it is worth familiarizing yourself with some rules. They are called “Prevention of disappointment in friendship”:

Have you built an ideal model of friendship in your head? Okay, so be it. Just don’t compare the template with the person you call your friend; it’s better to decide what qualities he has. Get into the habit of not only telling your friend about your troubles, but also listening to his stories. Don't limit your friend's freedom of choice.

Trust not for the sake of a successful acquisition or for profit, but out of respect for your dear friend. Don't project your disappointment in one person onto everyone. Try not to change others, but change yourself. Why did you decide that you were treated unfairly? Everything happens for a reason.

.Relationships with a girlfriend or boyfriend do not bring anything useful or pleasant, they are burdensome - break up. Take such a step if necessary, if it will stop your torment. After all, the current stage of disappointment, as a consequence of idealization, will come to its logical end. Of course, this end may come on its own, but not everyone can endure this unpleasant “suspended” state.

Then urgently sort yourself out: maybe it’s not about another person, but about lost self-esteem? If so, problems of this nature will not end in friendship, because self-affirmation at the expense of another is a “dead number.”

Instead of blaming your former bosom friend for the ruined relationship, think about whether your attitude was selfless? Maybe you were semi-consciously or subconsciously solving psychological problems through this connection. Understanding such motives does not come immediately; the main thing is to ask this question. Even having fun together and supporting in difficult times - what we look for in friendship - isn't this benefit or self-interest?

The choice is ours

To throw yourself into the pool headlong or to stay within the limits of what is permitted - everyone ultimately decides for themselves. Candidate of Psychological Sciences Alina Ter-Akopova advises, first of all, to decide what a person wants in a specific period of his life, from relationships in particular. Some are actively building a career or single-handedly raising a child from a broken marriage, while others are going through a recent breakup.

Perhaps, for these or other reasons, you are not ready to build a serious relationship and realize that a little holiday romance could give you confidence, joy and strength. Or maybe you've had your fill of fun, have had time to enjoy your independence, and feel that now you want to be a good parent and spouse. Then an easy relationship is not for you. Alina Ter-Akopova

Candidate of Psychological Sciences

According to the specialist, everyone has every right to get acquainted, date, break up, formalize and terminate relationships - to do everything in order to live happily and take care of themselves. Of course, not to the detriment of others. And so that the holiday romance does not disappoint, the expert considers it necessary to ask key questions without hesitation at the start of the relationship and adjust your actions in accordance with the information received.

Photo: depositphotos/Ivanko1980

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