Jokes about the USSR during the time of Stalin
– Who sits and makes up jokes? - He who composes sits.
Rabinovich stopped writing to relatives abroad long ago. He is summoned to the NKVD and demanded to write them a “cheerful” letter. Rabinovich writes: “Dear ones, come to us, we are building communism. If you come, you will soon see grandfather Borukh, grandmother Leia, great-grandmother Sarah... We have paradise here!”
Rabinovich and his wife are traveling on a tram. He sighs heavily - everyone is looking at him. The wife whispers in fear: “How many times have I told you: not a sound about politics in public!”
There's a knock on Rabinovich's door at night. - Who's there? - KGB. - What you need? - Talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - So talk to each other!
There is a long queue at the store. They promised to bring black caviar. Suddenly they announce: “Jews will not be given black caviar!” The Jews are leaving. After a couple of hours they say: “Caviar will be given out only to party members!” All non-party members disperse. An hour passed: “There is too little caviar, only enough for old Bolsheviks with about twenty years of party experience!” Only hardcore party members remained. In the evening they declare: “Comrades, there will be no caviar today!” The line disperses dissatisfiedly, grumbling: “The Jews are lucky again!”
The inscription on the monument to Karl Marx: “Marx’s teaching is omnipotent because it is true! Lenin." The inscription on the monument to Lenin: “Lenin’s teaching is omnipotent, because it is Marx’s! Stalin." The inscription on the monument to Stalin: “Stalin’s teaching is omnipotent, because! People".
Kirov was killed. Stalin gathered close communists: - Comrades! Yesterday our beloved comrade Kirov was killed! Among those present there was one old, somewhat deaf communist. He asks again: “Who, who was killed?” Stalin speaks louder: “Yesterday they killed their beloved comrade Kirov!”... The old man again did not hear: “Who-who?” Stalin annoyed: “They killed whoever was needed!”
1941 Rabinovich is summoned to the People's Commissariat of Defense. - Isaac Naumovich! It is necessary to distribute 2000 leaflets behind the front line. This very dangerous and responsible task is entrusted to you! But be careful and careful, you, as a communist and a Jew, will be doubly dangerous in the enemy’s lair! Good luck to you, comrade Rabinovich! Two weeks later, Rabinovich returns to Moscow and visits the People's Commissariat of Defense. They ask him: “Well?” Have you distributed leaflets? - Well, yes. Write a receipt - here is the money.
– Why did Lenin wear boots, and Stalin – boots? – Under Lenin, Russia was polluted only up to the ankles.
- Hello, is this the KGB? - No, the KGB burned down. Call again. - Hello, is this the KGB? Again: Hello, is this the KGB? - How many times do I have to tell you: the KGB burned down! - Or maybe I’m pleased to hear this...
Thought expressed in words is called bias. There are left and right slopes. With a left bias, there is bread in the city, but not in the countryside. With the right - there is in the village, but not in the city. If the general line is strictly followed, there is no grain shipment either in the city or in the countryside. Under decaying capitalism, there is bread in both the city and the countryside.
A foreigner at a reception with Mikoyan and Molotov noticed that Mikoyan had an inkwell under the table, and Molotov had it on the closet. To the question: “Why?” - both answered the same: “My inkwell - wherever I want, I put it there!” Later, at a reception with Stalin, the foreigner told him about this. But what Stalin exclaimed: “Donkeys!” – But why then did you put them in such high positions? - My donkeys - wherever I want, I put them there!
An American, a Frenchman and a Russian argued - who is the bravest of all? “We Americans draw ten cars by lot, and one of them has no brakes, and we rush along a mountain road... Then one lies in the hospital, and the other nine visit him. – And in France, ten of us gather, we play ten girls, and one of them has syphilis... Then one goes to the hospital, and the other nine don’t broadcast. – And here in Russia it’s even worse: we tell political jokes in company, and everyone knows that one of us is an informer. - And then? - And then nine sit, and one carries them parcels.
An American and a Russian argued who was a more political figure - Hoover or Stalin. – Hoover weaned our people from drinking! - And Stalin weaned us from eating!
After the monetary reform of 1947, a collective farmer came to the city with a bag of money, dumped it in the corner and went to find out where they exchanged old money for new ones. When he returned, he found the money lying on the floor and the bag stolen.
– Why is there no fish in stores? - Because there is no water. - Why is there no water? – Two hundred million have taken water into their mouths and are silent like fish.
- How are you? – Like on a steamship: the horizons are wide, there is nowhere to go, you feel sick, but you go. – Like Lenin: they don’t feed and don’t bury. – Like potatoes: if they don’t eat them in winter, they will plant them in the spring. – Like an Indian: I go naked, have a leader and eat figs. - Like a button: every day, it’s in the loop. In general, like in a fairy tale: the further you go, the scarier it gets!
An Armenian repatriates from Italy to the USSR and comes to an agreement with his brother who remained there: if the USSR is good, then he will write a letter in regular ink, and if it’s bad, then in green. After some time, a letter arrives from the USSR, written in ordinary ink: “Everything is great, I got an apartment, a job, the stores are overflowing with goods. There are some shortcomings, but they are minor: for example, it’s difficult to get green ink.”
– Why do Soviet laryngologists remove tonsils through the anus? - Because no one dares to open their mouth.
In a remote village, the secretary of the collective farm party organization comes to the priest on business. – Lend us some benches from the church for the meeting. - I won’t give it to you, you’ll stain them with ink. “Then I won’t allow party members to sing in your choir.” – And then I won’t write your protocols and decisions!
It is very difficult to argue with Stalin: you give him a quote, he gives you a link.
Rabinovich went to the demonstration with a poster: “Thank you to Comrade Stalin for a happy childhood!” The party organizer shouts: “Are you kidding me, Rabinovich?!” You're an old man! When you were a child, Stalin was not yet born! “That’s what I thank him for!”
– Who was talked about most on the day of the hundredth anniversary of Pushkin’s death? - About Stalin.
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Slogans of Soviet newspapers that became catchphrases
Today RG recalls the most famous slogans of Soviet newspapers, which later became catchphrases.
Chatterbox is a godsend for a spy!
On July 26, 1941, an expression appeared in one of the articles in the Izvestia newspaper: “revolutionary vigilance is one of the most important conditions for organizing victory over the enemy. It’s time to understand that a chatterbox, a talkative person is a direct find for a spy, a willing or unwilling accomplice of the enemy.” Later, this quote was transformed into a slogan that appeared on A. Radakov’s poster. However, the phrase became a catchphrase after it was repeated in the 1950s in a poster with a similar meaning: “Don’t chat on the phone! A chatterbox is a godsend for a spy!”
Peace to the world!
This slogan first appeared in May 1949, however, it sounded somewhat differently: “Peace to peace.” Two years later, the same phrase is printed on the pages of Soviet newspapers only in a form already known to us. Despite the anti-religious activities of the Communist Party, it is believed that the origin of this statement is associated with prayer services: “We ask the Lord for good and beneficial things to our souls and peace and peace.”
Who does not work shall not eat
Today we associate this expression with the famous film by Leonid Gaidai “Operation “Y” and other adventures of Shurik.” However, even before the release of the picture, this phrase was extremely popular in Soviet journalism. The beginning was made by V.I. Lenin in the article “On Hunger,” published on May 24, 1918, where the author quoted the Bible, or rather the second letter of the Apostle Paul to the Thessalonians: “For when we were with you, we commanded this to you: if “Whoever doesn’t want to work, don’t eat.” Surprisingly, it was the sacred scriptures that were most often used for propaganda in the USSR.
Workers of all countries, unite!
“Workers of all countries, unite!” - one of the most famous communist slogans, which was present on the state emblem of the USSR from 1958 to 1991. Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels first published it in the Communist Manifesto. In the Soviet Union, this phrase was depicted on party cards, in newspaper headlines, banknotes and orders.
Catch up and overtake!
This phrase belongs to V.I. Lenin and it first appeared in his article “The Impending Catastrophe and How to Deal with It,” published in September 1917. But this expression became popular after N. S. Khrushchev’s speech in 1957 at a zonal meeting of agricultural workers in the regions and autonomous republics of the USSR. According to the head of the CPSU, the Soviet people had to “catch up and overtake America” in all economic indicators and build communism by 1980.
We have no irreplaceables
This phrase is erroneously attributed to Joseph Stalin, however, it does not appear in any of his speeches or in any of his writings. Some suggest that party propagandists derived it from one of the reports of the leader of the USSR. Referring to some senior party officials, Stalin said: “These arrogant nobles think that they are indispensable and that they can violate the decisions of the governing bodies with impunity. They should be removed from leadership positions without hesitation, regardless of their past merits.” Previously, the future American President Woodrow Wilson conducted his election campaign under this slogan, and later Franklin Roosevelt used the slogan when fighting with Herbert Hoover for the presidency.
