Shirley-Myrli (Shirli-Myrli, 1995): text, film quotes, read contents, description

Shirley-myrley

general information
Genre	Comedy Farce
Country of Origin	Russia
Studio	Mosfilm
Director	Vladimir Menshov
written by	Vladimir Menshov Vitaly Moskalenko Andrey Samsonov
When came out	1995
Duration	136 minutes
Starring:
Valery Garkalin	Vasily Krolikov / Innokenty Shniperson / Roman Almazov / Patrick Krolikow
Vera Alentova	Lucyena Krolikova / Carol Paragraph / Zemfira Almazova / Whitney Krolikow
Inna Churikova	Praskovya Alekseevna Krolikova
Armen Dzhigarkhanyan	Kozulsky
Igor Ugolnikov	Jean-Paul Nikolaevich Piskunov, investigator for particularly important cases
Sergey Batalov	police lieutenant
Leonid Kuravlev	US Ambassador
Oleg Tabakov	Sukhodrishchev

"Shirley-myrley"

(1995) - film directed by Vladimir Menshov. If his alpha, “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears,” was a melodrama, then this time he turned to a completely different genre - farce comedy.

It's based on the well-known "Twins switch places" plot device, but here with a subversion and at the same time the pedal to the floor. There are two twins... no, three... no, there is a fourth - a black man... and in general there are an infinite number of them!.. And at the same time, each of them was brought up in a different culture and considers himself a representative of a different nationality!

Characters[edit]

Twin brothers (Valery Garkalin): Virtuoso thief Vasya Krolikov, Russian.
Conductor and composer Innokenty Shniperson, Jew.
Gypsy baron Roman Almazov.
Airline steward Patrick Krolikow, African American.

Other halves of the brothers (Vera Alentova):

Lucien Krolikova.

Carol Paragraph.

Zemfira Almazova.

Whitney Rabbitkow.

The conductor Praskovya Alekseevna Krolikova (Inna Churikova), the aunt of the orphan brothers, who raised Vasya.

The elderly mafioso Kozyulsky (Armen Dzhigarkhanyan). For fun, he wears absurdly huge sunglasses with a formal suit/crimson jacket.

Mafioso Alexey Feofilaktovich, specialist in criminal history of Russia (Lev Borisov).

Police captain Jean-Paul Nikolaevich Piskunov (Igor Ugolnikov), an investigator investigating the theft of a diamond.

And his assistant lieutenant (Sergei Batalov).

Diamond buyer (Rolan Bykov).

Alcoholic rowdy recidivist Sukhodrishchev (Oleg Tabakov) “Well, don’t bother our cops!” with a bottle of your favorite drink in your fist.

The US Ambassador to Russia (Leonid Kuravlev) and his wife (Lyubov Polishchuk), a collector of Russian folklore.

Krolikova's neighbor (Oleg Efremov).

Kuzya (Alexander Voroshilo), a devoted fan of Shniperson, who extremely disapproves of the conductor’s marriage to an American.

President of Russia (Vladimir Menshov).

Plot[edit]

A huge diamond was found in Yakutia, called the “Savior of Russia”. The Russian mafia, led by Kozyulsky, was about to lay its paw on him, but was too late: the thief-dodger Vasily Krolikov had already done this and swallowed the diamond for better preservation. Krolikov only imitates that the diamond has been swallowed, but the other characters and the inattentive viewer believe that it is for real.

The mafia and the police began to hunt for Krolikov, but mistakenly arrested the famous conductor Innokenty Shniperson, who was just like him, and who was just about to marry an American Carol Paragraph. An international scandal broke out, in which the American ambassador and the Russian president were involved.

Mom (actually aunt) Vasya Praskovya Alekseevna admitted that Kesha was his twin brother, whom she took to the orphanage. It was hard for Vasya to come to terms with the fact that he, a true Russian, had a Jewish brother, but he came to terms with it and came to the police to surrender so that Shniperson would be released. Over the course of their adventures, the brothers quarreled and became friends, agreeing that gypsyism spoils the music.

Then the gypsy Roman Almazov came to the police, complaining about discrimination against his people, and this time they arrested him instead of Krolikov, since he also resembles him like two peas in a pod. Zemfira, his wife, seeing Kesha hugging an unfamiliar woman, mistook him for her husband and created a scene of jealousy. But Roman was also released. All this time, repeat offender Sukhodrishchev was sitting in the police station and from time to time he gave stunning remarks. Praskovya Alekseevna admitted to Vasya that it was she who threw Roma into the gypsy camp. The brothers quarreled again and became friends, agreeing that the main thing they had in common was that they were all white.

The mafiosi, led by Kozyulski, could not achieve their goal. It all ended with a huge fight, a giant wedding cake and a special forces landing that descended by helicopter and took the entire Rabbit family. At parting, Krolikov shouted to Piskunov and his assistant lieutenant: “Have a snack!” Out of grief, the police began to drink vodka, washing away their promotion, in search of stronger cabbage, they opened the head of cabbage and found that same diamond there!

And so our heroes boarded a plane flying to the Canary Islands. And two black stewards with a strong Russian accent explain how to use life jackets. And then the aunt falls to her knees: “Patrick, son, you’ve finally been found!” To the question of the astonished Vasya: “Mom, how many brothers were there in total?” She traditionally replied that she could not raise all her nephews, and therefore she gave Patrick to the American embassy. Because he was black - my grandmother sinned with a black man...

And now the plane is flying over planet Earth, and other couples performed by Garkalin and Alentova are waving to it: Chukchi, Japanese, Indians... In general, all people are brothers and, it seems, sisters.

“Menchov didn’t accept me”: Garkalin recalled the conflict with the director of “Shirley Myrli”

In 1995, Vladimir Menshov’s film “Shirley Myrli” was released. Actor Valery Garkalin played three roles in a farce comedy and was subsequently grateful to the director for this opportunity.

Subscribe and read Express Newspaper in:

During the filming of Shirley Myrli, the relationship between Garkalin and Menshov was complicated. It was about Valery Borisovich himself, who accused the director of being biased towards himself. It was not Menshov, but his assistant who invited Garkalin to the filming of the cult farce comedy. And when the actor finally met Vladimir Valentinovich, he saw regret on his face.

“I was simply cut into pieces, because Menshov did not accept me,” Garkalin said in the studio of the “Fate of a Man” program.

The actor was sure that the director not only did not appreciate him, but also did not love him. Valery Borisovich did not want to put up with this, trying to achieve the master’s favor. From time to time he shared his experiences with his partners on the set.

“I had a dressing room next to Inna Churikova. I came to her for tea. We talked about abstract topics. One day I couldn’t stand it and told her that Menshov didn’t love me. I started telling Churikov that love should be mutual. She said, “I need to run to him and tell him, like a man to a man, that I love him,” the artist recalled.

Garkalin decided to follow the actress’s advice. Running out of the dressing room, he was lucky to immediately run into Menshov. True, instead of confessing, Valery Borisovich told the director that he did not love him. It’s interesting that Menshov himself later admitted that Garkalin seemed crazy to him - after all, the actor had to work a lot on the set of “Shirley Myrli.” And Vladimir Valentinovich reacted unexpectedly to the artist’s accusation itself.

Valery Garkalin in the film "Shirley Myrli". Photo: still from the film

“He fell to his knees and began to play along with me, like a real genuine artist. Said: “I love you. How can I prove my love?” And crawled to my feet,” said Garkalin.

A glassy look and stingy tears: a haggard Yulia Menshova at her father’s coffin

The farewell ceremony for the outstanding Soviet and Russian director Vladimir Menshov is taking place in the Great Hall of the House of Cinema. He died on July 5 from the consequences of coronavirus.

Let us recall that on July 8, a farewell ceremony took place in Moscow for Vladimir Menshov, who died from the consequences of coronavirus at the age of 82. Many stars came to see off the master of Russian cinema, including Garkalin. The actor then admitted that Menshov’s death was a blow to him, because the director of “Shirley Myrli” greatly influenced his career.

Yulia Raevskaya

“The Fate of Man” Valery Garkalin Vladimir Menshov

Tropes and cliches[edit]

Allusion - the name Ivan Izrailevich is given to the character in the third short story (“The Wedding Incident”) from the film “It Can’t Be!”
A bonus for contemporaries is the imitation of the language of the deaf and dumb in the “absurd translation” of news, which has since been replaced by the creeping line. Subtitle humor. For example, the surname Krolikov is “translated” by placing the palms of the hands on the head (obviously, meant to represent rabbit ears). And as for Rotterdam...

Speaking name:

Vasya - there is a Russian stereotypical name Vasya Pupkin: a simple person.

Innocent - comes from the Latin innocentius (innocent). Kesha is not guilty of anything, but he was caught and arrested!..

Roman is a gypsy, i.e. Roma.

Patrick... No, this name is characteristic of the Irish, not African Americans. Although there is a hero of Irish folklore, Dark Patrick.

Surname Rabbits. Well, you get the idea.

Gentlemen, this is symbolic! — the star from the shoulder strap, thrown into a glass of vodka, for some reason inflated to the size of a marshal’s star, taking into account that a second later the cops found the ill-fated diamond, Piskunov’s marshal’s rank is indeed guaranteed.

A cry to the heavens - at the fake airport, after the shepherd’s words “Tula region, Seleznyovka village,” a heart-rending bull roar is heard.

The translator's false friend. General
is not always “general”. Often this simply means “chief.” Played out: “General, consider yourself a colonel (although the ambassador did not complain about the general, but simply about the main cop, just the captain).” Well, or the president is so used to communicating exclusively with the highest ranks that the thought that an ordinary cop with the rank of captain is answering him has not even crossed the president’s mind.

Musical tripper. Gioachino Rossini wrote these lively violins that are often heard in the film.

We are philologists—mulatto Jennifer, the wife of the American ambassador, “studying Russian folklore.” When the ambassador goes to the police with a protest about the arrest of Innokenty Shniperson, his accompanying wife, seemingly helplessly, records the pearls she heard on the recorder, including trying to understand the anatomy of Piskunov’s “eye - on j..?” But when Piskunov, in violation of all international treaties, orders the search and arrest of diplomats, he begins to scratch without any accent and, on the fly, combining vocabulary in a new way.

It’s deliberately bad - the film was shot as a farce, so the trash frenzy and idiocy that occurs there only benefits it.

However, some of the characters’ actions are absurd, but the plot as a whole is logical: twins separated in childhood meet.

No luck with the full name - okay Krolikov, but Kozyulsky and Sukhodrishchev? Although for a farce it is quite normal.

Not so much background music - when Piskunov arrests Shniperson's entire wedding, the American ambassador goes to the police with a protest and sings the famous line of Mendelssohn's wedding march. Innokenty, who physically cannot stand falsehood, jumps up, turns to one of the rear corners of the department, waves his hand - and part of the symphony orchestra, arrested at the same time, enters. Subsequently, the music plays in the background, but when the fight begins, they again show the musicians gathered in a circle and Shniperson conducting selflessly, no longer distracted by anything.

Ride of the Valkyries - At the beginning of the film, the post is over the scene from Apocalypse Now, so helicopters and Ride of the Valkyries are present.

Omen - during a search in Praskovya Alekseevna’s apartment, Kozyulsky asks his assistant: “Did you look in the cabbage?” Then the search is interrupted by a phone call, and they forget about the cabbage. But in vain: that’s where the diamond was hidden.

Mistaken for a gay man - “Are you with him... right?!”

Reveal the secret of adoption - Krolikov considered his aunt his mother for many years.

Jealousy is funny - Zemfira plays the trope to the fullest.

Romance between May and December - the brothers' parents. At the time of the birth of his sons, the father, Ivan Izrailevich, was... 93
! He was older than his wife Varya by... 52 years.

Revelation by the refrigerator: if Varya was over 40, that’s probably why she died in childbirth. Late multiple births, and at that age, and at home... Nothing surprising, in general.

Dressed up like the West, Menshov parodies the phenomenon in his own way: Carol is played by Alentov, the ambassador is played by Kuravlyov, his wife is Polishchuk, and the two “black bodyguards of the ambassador” are portrayed by... Mikhail Kokshenov and Alexander Pankratov-Cherny! The ostentation of the entire diplomatic mission is noticeable even to a half-blind person - this was done this way on purpose. And the more than conventional afro-makeup of the fourth brother, Krolikov (sorry, Kroliko )
and his wife contributes to their recognition.

Syndrome of searching for deep meaning.

Sukhodrishchev has the clearly recognizable intonations of Matroskin the cat, and in the image of his drinking companion there is something from Sharik from Prostokvashino...

It is possible to understand the film as either a paradoxical vocable to the universe of Lukyanenko’s “Watches” (the director’s cameo looks as if Boris Ivanovich “Deputy Minister-in-the-USSR” Geser had made a political career) or an atypical reflection of that. Although “Dozory” as a media brand had not even begun at that time. And then it’s either a revelation at the refrigerator, or... well, yes, neurosis.

Romance “We just know each other, how strange!” performed by Alentova closes the gestalt with the “third anniversary of the formation of the CIS”, being a sarcastic and bitter allusion to the anthem of the USSR in the loss as if guessed: “The indestructible Union of free republics // United forever by the great Russia // Long live created by the will of the people... // ...Oh , are we just acquaintances?
How strange!.. ” It is worth remembering that the film begins with the mention of this very anniversary.

The orphan is actually brother rabbits: the mother died in childbirth, the father was crushed under the piano.

Smerdyakov in the mirror - Krolikov really doesn’t like Jews. When he finds out that his twin brother is Jewish (accordingly, he himself is too, they even wanted to name him Isey, in honor of his grandfather), after much moral suffering he comes to terms with this. But then it turns out that this brother can’t stand gypsies, and the third brother was raised by gypsies, and he hates Russians! In the finale, it turns out that there are blacks in their family tree. Well, also a Chinese grandfather...

Ridiculous torture / Psychological torture - the hero of Garkalin in all versions has hereditary perfect pitch, and therefore Piskunov’s false singing incredibly infuriates all three brothers. How horribly he sings is evidenced by Sukhodrishchev’s indignant cry: “Come on, stop the torture! You’re not 37 right now!”

Hidden in Plain Sight - The giant diamond supposedly swallowed by Krolikov is actually hidden in a bucket of cabbage.

Hide out of sight - Krolikov tries to hide from his twin under the guise of his reflection, but it quickly turns out that he cannot repeat all of his actions.

It seems that this scene is an homage to the episode from the film "Mr. Pitkin Behind Enemy Lines."

The fiasco is all attempts by Piskunov’s assistant to capture Krolikov (actually Almazov), who himself came to the police.

The miracle of one scene - an excellent selection of actors provided a whole scattering: Bykov, Polishchuk, Borisov, Efremov, Kokshenov with Pankratov-Cherny. But the coolest of all is undoubtedly Tabakov!

We use these 20 phrases, sometimes without even knowing that they are from the films of Vladimir Menshov

These days, a lot will be said about the greatness and even genius of Vladimir Menshov - both as a director and as an artist. Genius is a hackneyed and devalued concept due to its frequent use. Great? If we take the presence of an Oscar as a criterion (and it was practically unattainable for Soviet directors), then yes, there are three such people in the history of Russian cinema - Sergei Bondarchuk, Nikita Mikhalkov and him.

In general, one can evaluate Vladimir Menshov for a long time and in different ways, but it is obvious that he is one of the most significant directors of Soviet cinema. And he’s also a quality actor, which is rare.

Menshov had a rare gift - to create folk films. Not stupid cranberries, like the series on “Russia-1”, and not “powerful canvases” about the metaphysics of the Russian soul, but good, high-quality and what is called “native cinema”.

You can count such masters in the entire history of Russian cinema on the fingers of one hand: Gaidai, Ryazanov, Danelia and Menshov. There are individual super films in this genre from individual directors, but only a few managed to make more than two of these.

An indicator of this “nationality” may be that the population of the former USSR uses phrases from Vladimir Menshov’s films, some several times a day. And most people don’t even know that these are quotes from his paintings.

These phrases replace the identification system “friend or foe” for post-Soviet people. Any “not our” person, even one who speaks Russian without an accent, can be identified if it turns out that he does not know these expressions.

Moreover, they have been living their own lives for a long time. Many young people now use these phrases without even knowing the original source.

“Rosbalt Like” in memory of Vladimir Menshov collected such quotes, omitting simply iconic sayings and quotes or simply memorable moments from his films, of which, of course, there are much more.

From the film “The Hoax” (1976)

“A good person is not a profession.”

From the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” (1980)

“Shashlik does not tolerate women’s hands”

“Let everyone into the apartment, don’t let anyone out! In case of resistance, open fire!”

“Moscow is not rubber” (in the original “Everyone climbs into Moscow as if it were rubber”).

“Can’t you iron the laces?!”

“This is not a stomach, it’s a bundle of nerves” (in the original “This is a bundle of nerves”)

“Don’t teach me how to live, better help me financially!”

"There is no stability"

“There will be one continuous television.”

“Oh, what people, even without security!”

Oh, what people, and without security! pic.twitter.com/6fNQjKQjBp
— vidosyandvidosy (@vidosyandvidosy) July 5, 2021

“Obviously not disfigured by intellect.”

“Deaf as in a tank”

pic.twitter.com/B16NPGyTRc
— vidosyandvidosy (@vidosyandvidosy) July 5, 2021

“The evening ceases to be languid”

pic.twitter.com/23yfCoMSUO
— vidosyandvidosy (@vidosyandvidosy) July 5, 2021

From the film “Love and Doves” (1984)

“What was the girl’s name?”

“Girls, stop your mother!”

“I brought terrible news to your house, Nadezhda! Call the children!

- Oh, you're a beautiful bitch! - Why is it painted, it’s my natural color!

“What’s typical is that they became insolent!”

From the film “Shirley Myrli” (1995)

“You are not my son, Vasyatka”
“Cabbage, mom, of course, it’s a good thing, but you also need to keep meat snacks in the house.”
“And then you, Vasenka, pulled your hands towards me”
“Aunt Mom! Tell me honestly, like a Russian person to a Russian person: in fact, what am I, Izya Shniperson?!”

“I saw this fagot in Khimki...”

Today, Vladimir Menshov’s daughter Yulia published a post on Instagram in memory of her father.

View this post on Instagram
Publication from Yulia Menshova (@juliavmenshova)

Quotes[edit]

Vasily Krolikov[edit]

The catchphrase is an absurdist song: “Shirley-myrli, shir-manirli, shir-motyrkin, mur-mur-kin...”. Pedal to the metal: there aren't even any verses, and the meaningless chorus gives the film a meaningless title.

In the circles I'm close to, Mom, the word "asshole" is very offensive. Therefore, try not to use it in conversation.

(deciding that mom had drunk herself to delirium tremens) Oh, mom... Cabbage, of course, is a good thing, but you also need to keep meat snacks in the house.

Mom, are there any Russians in our family?

The Jews have ruined everything! Whatever song you take, your Jewish “7-40” is everywhere!

Hello, is this “Arguments and Facts”? I want to throw out a fact for you: the great conductor Innokenty Shniperson is behind bars again! These are new attacks by the partyocracy! Yes, yes... Who's talking? The indignant intelligentsia speaks! Is this a gay newspaper? Very good - I have a message for you. This fagot Piskunov arrested Innokenty Shniperson again. This is a new attack by the Jewish Freemasons! Who's speaking? EVERYONE is talking! Is this a beekeeping magazine? Why are you, you know, sitting around like drones while the great conductor is in prison? What to do, what to do... You need to flap your wings!

Innokenty Shniperson[edit]

Your nomadic music has ruined the entire Russian culture! Whatever melody you take, “Gypsy” comes from everywhere!
Aunt! How many babies were there in total? And where did you put us?
(to his fiancée Carol) You can love another man. I will still understand and forgive betrayal. But if you love gypsies, then let’s get a divorce before the wedding.

Roman Almazov[edit]

You are not the first to interrupt my path to the State Duma. I’ve already been thrown off a bridge with a bag on my head, and there have been plane crashes when we were roaming around Mexico. And I get car accidents every other day.
You will not be able to bring the freedom-loving gypsies to their knees.
And after that you want us to respect Russians?

Praskovya Alekseevna Krolikova[edit]

Forgive me, you sinful fool... (a revelation about another brother follows).
I’ll lay the parquet in the evening, and in the morning the cops will already tear it off. I’ll glue the tiles in the morning, and in the evening Kozulsky will turn them out.

Jean-Paul Nikolaevich Piskunov[edit]

Spit it out! Spit it out, national treasure, do you hear, Rabbits? Spit it out!
And the question of my titles is solely within the competence of the President.
Allow me to report: a particularly dangerous repeat offender, Krolikov, entered into a criminal relationship with the ambassador and the president of the United States... Who is the general? Am I a general? I'm Piskunov. World War III? Because of me? already
coming?! Oh, idiot...
(chase of a tram) - Shoot at the wheels!
A prisoner! From the tram! I told someone: go out with your things!
He is Avtandil Kalashnikov, he is Alyosha Muromets, he is also the preacher of the South Korean sect of the Reverend Moon Sun Hun Vchan!
I order the whole gang to form a column of four. A step to the left, a step to the right is considered an escape. I regard jumping on the spot as an attempt to fly away. I shoot without warning!
I'll put my eye on my ass! (addressed to Sukhodrishchev).
Let everyone go? And Sukhodrishcheva? Eat!

Kozulsky[edit]

The Japanese offered me a billion more for it, but somehow I don’t trust these yen![1]
World Karate Champion! I mean, by carat.
What *BOOT HORN*?! I ask, which *BOOT SHIP* replaced [the diamond]?
I didn’t let this diamond out of my hands, I washed myself in the bathhouse along with my suitcase, except for me, no one took it into their hands... Vaska Krolikov, bitch!
Roll the rabbit into the asphalt! No, cut it into ribbons! For capless caps!
Get off! Get off it, I said! No, it's not a bear, it's a goat!
Go, but only in small ways. We'll be great when we return the diamond!
This is the detention of a particularly dangerous criminal, the Musician, along with his double!.. Give me the diamond, you nit!
Calm, calm, the wedding is interrupted for technical reasons. Amen, comrades.

Alexey Feofilaktovich[edit]

In the year one thousand eight hundred and thirty-seven, a case was registered in St. Petersburg: the titular councilor Ivan Nikandrovich Ryabov got himself a double.
And this has never happened in the history of criminal Russia: for six assholes to gather in one place at once. (After the mafiosi surrounded Krolikov and wanted to ride with him in the elevator, but due to overload the elevator did not move, and in the end Krolikov escaped.)
Right! Find a consensus, and kick it, kick it!
There was a similar case with Motya Snotty: he raped a Swiss woman.

Sukhodrishchev[edit]

Captain! I saw this fag [American ambassador] in Khimki, selling wooden dicks! No, it’s painful, captain! He acts here as the beach director! Passol!!! The blue puppy effect - of course, dildos were not openly traded even at that time, but were traded (including in Khimki) in matryoshka dolls with the faces of Politburo members
. More like an indecent pun - thoughts about wooden phalluses arose in those days.

Damn stump! Black people!

Yoshkin cat, what are fagots doing. Everything is taken away: timber, coal, chicken droppings - now they have taken up the proverbs.

Vaska, hammer! Mow like a gypsy all the way!

Diamond buyer[edit]

Stop saying it, Kozulski! You're not on Privoz! Here you have the United States of America!
Who are you using your brains for, Kozyulsky?! These Russians... From behind the island to the core, to the expanse of the river wave!

Other characters[edit]

South African miners have vowed not to go to the surface until they find a larger nugget. (Media report)
With this money, all citizens of our country will be able to vacation in the Canaries for three years. We are already negotiating with the canaries. (Media report)
As they say in an old Russian proverb, a paragraph is the end of the matter... I wanted to say a paragraph is the crown of the matter. (TV journalist)
Inspired by the laundress of the famous US President Lincoln. (TV journalist)
Why the hell do I need these Canaries? I soaked the laundry. (Lucyena Krolikova)
I see you in the hospital, beauty... I see you in a wheelchair... With injuries of varying severity... (Zemfira Almazova to Carol Paragraph).
Dad! Why the hell do you need this American? Mom is better! (Children of the Almazovs)
Shniperson chooses Russia! (Kuzya)
Such cabbage, God bless everyone! (Krolikova's neighbor)
Wolves are shameful! Labrador mouflons! my eyes in my ass
! (the wife of the American ambassador to the police, inaccurately quoting Piskunov)
During his escape, the prisoner Krolikov stole: a car - one piece, alcohol - three cans, a stretcher - one piece, an enema - two pieces, and disappeared into the unknown... no... completely unknown... (the lieutenant draws up a report)

Dialogues[edit]

Praskovya Alekseevna: Varya is dying, Ivan Izrailevich is crushed by the piano in the next room, you are lying there, screaming, asking for a tit!

Krolikov: I am ready to share your grief, mother... But point by point. First! Varya is dying - who is it? ... Krolikov: Why did so many people ask for boobs? Praskovya Alekseevna: So twins were born! You and Keshka are twins. Rabbits: Aunt Mom! Tell me honestly, like a Russian person to a Russian person: in fact, what am I, Izya Shniperson?! … Praskovya Alekseevna: Forgive me, Izenka, the sinful fool! Forgive me, Israel Ivanovich... And you... move away!.. and you, Kesha, forgive me too! Rabbits: To forgive, mother, means to understand. But I am not able to understand that I am Shniperson! The plugs are burning out!!!

Journalist: You took the pseudonym “Almazov” in honor of the diamond that is in your stomach, right?

Roman Almazov: No. All my life I have been and will be Almazov. But just as you were a piece of shit, you will remain one.

-...So what am I, Generalissimo?

- They forgot the Field Marshal. - Calm down, Lesh, we’ll sort it out now! - Be silent when you are talking to a senior in rank! Are you an officer or where?!

- Well, let's take a look at the patient's ventricle?

- Let's take a look! Well, will you give it yourself or what? - Myself! As soon as there is a chair. The first chair is yours!

- This is a slice of the brain.

- Rabbit's? Oh, what dirty thoughts...

Krolikov: Fyodor Pavlovich, my unforgettable teacher, taught me to distinguish [Jews].

Praskovya Alekseevna: Fyodor Pavlovich? What subject is he in? Krolikov: Yes, he was an expert on safes. Bugbear. You, he says, mentally put this cap of theirs on him, and you will immediately see: a Mason or our man. Praskovya Alekseevna: And what people won’t come up with! Krolikov: Well, mentally, to be honest, I don’t always succeed. I carry it with me just in case. Like some doubt - come on, friend, try it on! Praskovya Alekseevna: What? Rabbits: Hat! Praskovya Alekseevna: Why? Krolikov: Why don’t you understand, Mom, they consider us goyim! Praskovya Alekseevna: Who is this? Krolikov: Who the hell knows.

Almazov: I refuse any negotiations until you stop discrimination against citizens of Roma origin.

Krolikov: Who the hell needs them, your gypsies. Almazov: Here it is, great-power chauvinism in action. Have you forgotten who won the Battle of Kulikovo for you? Krolikov: Are they really gypsies? Almazov: And this one doesn’t hide his hatred towards us at all. Conducts anti-Gypsy propaganda among the American population. Shniperson: Why do we love you? What kind of nation are you anyway? Where are your roots? Almazov: Well, of course, only you are God’s chosen people, and the rest are all subhuman. Goyim! Krolikov: By the way, about the goyim, you Jews really screwed it up. Are you better off yourself? Almazov: Well, brother, they are no better, they are the only ones, and the rest must serve them. But they made one mistake: they crucified Christ! Shniperson: They themselves gave birth, they themselves crucified. These are our purely Jewish squabbles. The goyim cannot understand. Krolikov: Are you classifying my Christ as a Jew?! Shniperson: What did you think? If the father is Jewish and the mother is Jewish, is the child Russian? Rabbits: Dad! Him! Pigeon!!! Rabbits. Well, crap, of course, all these nationalities. Everything depends on the person: there are also good people among Jews. Shniperson. And Russians are not all drunkards. Almazov. Well, of course! Russians are good, Jews are simply wonderful. Only the gypsies are completely crooks! Rabbits. Who gives a damn... that’s not what I’m talking about at all. I'm talking about blacks. Still, they are not like us, whites. Is it true? Almazov. Hmm... well, no, of course, I’m not a racist... but somehow I don’t let blacks particularly close to me... Shniperson. Well, to be honest... there is some feeling... discomfort, I would say. Rabbits. For the white man! (Sing the song “Farewell Rocky Mountains!”)

Piskunov: Outstanding...

Krolikov: ...to the conductor. Piskunov: Damn the bald man! To the surgeon! Krolikov: So what? Surgery is my hobby! I practice a little. I'll amputate something there if they ask. I can sew it if necessary.

Alexey Feofilaktovich: This needs to end [kill/ends in the water].

Kozyulsky: You will only end over my corpse! Alexey Feofilaktovich: We must end it! Kozyulsky: Some kind of mania has appeared with age - to cum!

- Everyone stay put! This is a robbery!

- Are you crazy, what kind of robbery? - Sorry, this is a pogrom!

Krolikov: The fact is that as a child I stepped on a mine. Everything was torn off! No, there are a few things left. But only to pee.

Carol Paragraph: This is what you call “something”??? In my opinion, you talk too much... Shniperson: What do you mean? Carol Paragraph: I mean, we got drunk!

Piskunov: The President has just awarded me the rank of colonel.

Lieutenant: Huh? Piskunov: And so. He says, General Piskunov, from now on you can consider yourself a colonel.

Shirley-Myrli

Please tell us what the President said when he learned that you had found a diamond? Please tell me, this is very important... I didn’t think you would arrive. A week ago we ate the last stew. — How did you feel when you found the diamond? - Let's have a drink! Pour it up! — Did you feel like national heroes? - Go away with your questions! I actually wanted to just throw it away. I thought it was a stone. And I, and I tell him: “Are you fucking crazy?!” And so I thought - well, I mean - diamond! ... the blue planet is flying, the blue planet is flying, named Earth, named Earth. And all countries and peoples fly with it, And somewhere in the depths, invisible to the eye, lies a piece of carbon, pressed into a diamond over thousands of centuries. Diamond, incredible diamond... We had no disagreements at all about the name. Let's, I say, call it the 3rd anniversary of the formation of the CIS in honor of the 3rd anniversary of the formation of the CIS. - And I, and I tell him: “Are you fucking crazy?!” - So you immediately agreed to this name. - And here you can’t think of anything else, look at the diamond, it’s the spitting image of the 3rd anniversary of... what’s his name... this... Yes... Well, you know. Right now, damn it, bitch, I’ll shoot everyone! Armor! Bronislava! Are you scared, fucking democrats?! Get it! The whole world is following the events that unfold around the diamond found in Russia. South African miners vowed not to go to the surface until they found a larger nugget. Miners: We ain't gonna leave the mine too serious. You motherfucker. Today at 12:48 a.m. in Yakutia, while mining the Besperspektivnaya diamond pipe, a nugget of extraordinary size was found. A grandiose, fantastic, magnificent, world's largest diamond found in Russia is on its way to Moscow! In 2 minutes you will hear the President of Russia’s address to Russian-speaking Russians. First of all, I want to congratulate all Russians on the huge holiday on our street. I have always said that only a miracle can save us - it happened... If the government decides to sell this diamond, it will not only completely remove the problem of our external debt, but will also allow the entire country, all its inhabitants, to live in the Canary Islands for three years . We are already negotiating with the canaries... The speed is 350, the altitude is 200. It’s going normally... Look how foggy it is in Moscow, huh? You can't see a damn thing! Don't worry guys, we'll get you in! Speed 250, altitude 100. Listen, who is leading us there? Is that you, Vitya? Well, brother, we gathered specialists from all over the country. They didn’t tell... Well, here we go. And you were afraid of fools! Regiment! Be equal! Attention! We will leave our capital of our homeland for the solemn meeting of the state commission! Almaz is the Savior of Russia! On guard! - Comrade General of the Army, allow me to report... -