What Men Talk About
If you are so smart, go with her and live.
Previously, my parents forbade me to do something, now my wife... When will I finally grow up?
So what should I do? Go out with Huck, order a taxi or get a divorce?
Okay, but impossible.
I'm already 7 years old. I'm a grown man, stop giving me that pink bow.
“You did something good for one woman.” And the other one feels bad about it. - Did you even do this for the third one?
Sasha, go out into the yard for a walk, we’re on the swing.
“Damn you, office rat! Let everything you do turn into dust and shit! We left for Odessa without you. Your ex-friends.” — Thank you very much, it was constructive. Till Monday. - Alexander Sergeich! - Till Tuesday!
I'm sick of it too. I'm sitting.
There is no need to make your dream come true, let it remain a dream.
Sash, you’re a goat and a freak, but what does that change?
Well, what the hell are smacks? If you want to kiss, kiss, that's all.
Then Romeo and Juliet, it turns out, it’s good that they died. After all, they overcame so much for the sake of their love. Would her love, say, have endured it if she knew that he was saying “calling”? Or that he leaves socks all over the apartment. He got used to his mother, Lady Montague, cleaning up after him.
Sorry.
Here. That's why I'm not getting married.
— May I have 50 grams of konyak, please? - Maybe a steward right away? - Pour it!
Why can you only cheat on your wife or husband, but not, for example, on your children?
And the crouton in our restaurant is called crouton. This is exactly the same toasted piece of bread. Only it can't cost $8, but a crouton can.
— When there were raids on Georgians in Moscow, the cops stopped me, and I told them: “Let me sing for you, and you yourself will let me go, because you will understand that a Georgian cannot sing like that. — They let you go? - Yeah, for 300 dollars. They didn't even listen to the song.
- Maybe you're an asshole? - Good version. Explains a lot.
— What is the most annoying thing about being married? - Lack of other women? - No. Lack of opportunity for other women.
- So, guys, don’t close the windows. - But it’s stuffy... - Mosquitoes will fly in! - And we turned off the light. - Cockroaches will come!
Dear Zhanna Friske, control yourself, I’m married. And take your boiler.
- And you refused Zhanna Friske? - Yes. - Well, you're an asshole...
What should I say? Come to me, we’ll make love once or twice, I’ll definitely feel good, maybe you will, and then you, of course, can stay, but it’s better if you leave.
- Girl, won’t you have sex? - Oh, sorry, I quit. - Congratulations.
Alexander Demidov. Encyclopedia of family life. Section “The influence of a bedside lamp on a person’s libido.”
— A crisis is when you don’t want anything. And when you start wanting to want something. - That's okay. When you don’t want to want to want something, that’s a crisis. - This is not a crisis, this is p...t!
- But why did they drink the same, but one stinks in the morning, and the other smells slightly? - This is called inner intelligence.
“I haven’t included my name in text messages for a long time now.” - That's right, we can send out a newsletter.
-Have you seen her legs? - Then be patient.
We play checkers, they play giveaway. Crooked female logic.
I wasn’t very hungry spiritually, but physically I was just terribly hungry.
And Lesha settled in well: he will eat and look like a highly spiritual person.
Oh, I’m afraid, Rostislav, that our personal life will sink our vessel.
There was no need to eat dumplings after the potatoes. And eat it all with potato pancakes.
I wonder how I would have been able to understand that this was high art if you had not warned me about it?
“You should have stayed there, and he would have peed for you.” - No, he couldn’t do it that well.
It’s just that she doesn’t have a phone so that she can be contacted, but so that it lies in her purse, rings, but she doesn’t hear.
You love your wife. And you love sausage. I went and bought 200 g and ate it. This doesn't mean that you cheated on your wife with sausage.
And what should we teach children: to tell the truth to everyone except Germans and aged classmates?
And in general there was a mismatch between what I wanted to do and how to do the right thing. And I want it to be as it should be, but I want it to be the way I want it to be. So what should I do?
— Germans, how to live further? - How-how, which way up.
Why do you need a road if you can’t get a grandmother across it?
“And when I was a child, it seemed to me that everyone was older than me.” Well, that is, in general, that’s how it was. Therefore, the last candy is for whom? - to me. That's it, all the candy for me. And I'm obviously used to it. Therefore, now the most beautiful girl should be mine. “And if it’s not yours, then daddy will come, take it away from the bad boy and give it to you.” Or, you know, he’ll buy the same one. - It will bring better. From the Baltics.
It turns out there are no adults. There are older children.
- No, that doesn’t happen. - Why? - Because. Because I don't want it that way.
What Men Talk About. Continuation
The pause between the first and second sock has increased.
- Did he give you money? - Did not give. - Why didn’t you give it? - Didn’t you give it decently?
- What will you do now? - I'll go have lunch. This, of course, will not solve the money issue, but why not have lunch now?
Old man, I can ride on Thursday until about half past twelve or on Friday from two to three, but only in the Sretinka area, I have a meeting there later.
Download it yourself. He does his homework with his daughter, and then he has to take the dog for a walk.
- You understand, friendship now is mainly a coincidence of schedules. Well, and, perhaps, statuses. - Understand. But I do not want.
Hello, old, unhealthy tribe.
I realized that I was getting old when I noticed that there were practically no medications left in the pharmacy with names unfamiliar to me.
It’s the collective farm named after 26 Baku tomatoes that’s bothering you.
No matter how I call her, she’s either going to yoga, or already at yoga, or on her way back from yoga.
But a woman who doesn’t laugh at your jokes is the same as a woman you can’t bring to orgasm. Even if she says: “I don’t need it, I’m already very good with you,” you understand that sooner or later there will be a man who will joke so much that she will cum, and fuck her so much that she will laugh.
The less women you call, the better everything will be for you later.
This was the best of the uncles. From uncles. From uncles.
Why should I feel bad so that Uncle Bor can feel good?!
What a boy he was, what herbariums he collected!
This is not the time to think about rest, Lyudochka. You need to think about money. Money is the flower of life.
She is very famous for her fame.
In my life, socks, you know, have become such a fork in fate.
That is, I then chose not socks, but a lifestyle. And he chose it on his own head.
- Russia is good, but the road is pliers. — Why pliers? - I'm not Monday. - Well, yes.
Why should I be ashamed all the time?
Well, if you get sick, catch a cold, do you feel sorry for pleasing your mother?
Let there be mosquitoes if the French cannot live without them.
Remember how important it was to quickly unclasp your bra in ninth grade?
Each of us had the first bra in our lives.
In St. Petersburg, children need to buy souvenirs from Adler.
Can I already be happy, as impossible as possible?
Do you know what loneliness is? This is when there is no one to send an SMS that you have arrived.
We'll drink so much now that the sober will envy the dead.
We're fast. One drink here, another there.
If no one is catching up with you, why run away?
- Young man, our cognac is kind of gloomy. Could you pour us something a little happier? - And more irresponsible. - With a touch of this “oops-oops-oops-oops”!
There are now about five million people in this beautiful city. And at least four of them are doing very well. And it’s good when it’s good. It's so rare. And therefore, before it is all covered with a bronze... horseman, let's sing.
There must be some woman in the mystery.
The habit of being unhappy. Bad habit. Much worse than smoking.
It's harmful to be unhappy. It's time to quit.
We must give happiness a chance. Then it might happen.
What else do men talk about?
— Girl, tell me, which name do you like better: Lera or Sonya? - To me? - Yeah. - Maksim.
— Where is the southwestern one? - Hmm... In the southwest.
And today a whole year is leaving us, and I want to say about it in the words of a classic. But the classic didn’t tell us anything about this, so it’s just music on “As if on the radio.”
— Medvedev’s name is Michal Potapych. - Funny. Oh, what's Medvedev's real name?
- Call me. “Ah... you can’t do that to me?”
- I'm in the library. Oh, Nastya, I'm at the market, where else can I be? - What’s worse about the library?
- Lesh, what is more important to you: friends or women? Here are the women for me. And I, mind you, am sitting here. - Yeah, me too. - And they are my friends. Can I go then? Please.
- How about no one? And... - No, well, there are two of them. But you just start liking one after 150 g, and the other after 250.
You don’t do shit, you do all sorts of bullshit. By the way, this is a tautology.
- Lesh, she left, what kind of marriage? - Sash, that’s why she left.
- Zigmund Yakovlevich, what’s wrong with me? - You know, in the light of my theory, the telephone here is a phallic symbol. My dear, you are fucked.
This stamp in your passport really makes a difference. And for the worse.
I am turning to you, Maxim Immanuilovich. Do you agree to never marry Marina, to never walk around the house in panties with her, not to cheat on her, not to come home drunk, not to insult her and not to beat her?
Marina Vladimirovna, do you agree to never marry Maxim, so as not to find fault with him over trifles, not to be jealous of his friends, not to lie that you have a headache and not to walk around the house wearing a cucumber mask?
It's good there. And it's good there. And this makes me feel so bad...
I feel guilty for not feeling guilty. It's a simple thing. It’s good there, and it’s good there. And that's not good. And I feel good. And that's why I don't feel good.
Did you know that if you put this light bulb in your mouth, you can’t take it out again?
There is no need to negotiate with your conscience: you won’t agree. You need to, you know, tell her to go to hell sometimes. Occasionally.
Well, why haven’t I seen you in a nice shirt?
What bastards! They can't even change it.
I discovered the second law of gravity: the more you pursue a woman, the more she then burdens you.
In general, lately I’ve been more afraid than fucked.
All the men are against me. Even Pushkin.
- This, you know, is not just a one-time thing. - And reusable.
It is a great skill to leave your mistress immediately after bed.
The mother-in-law is someone you don’t feel sorry for.
“I’ll explain everything to you now.” - No need. Otherwise I'll understand.
Look, you really are a boring old fool. At 19 years old.
There was a certainty in his life: it was not a success.
I relied on myself and let myself down. And to hell with him, with this watchman.
Well, why are you staring? Psychological trauma! Piss wherever I want.
Another advantage of being a single person: remembering the year by girls.
So, of course, I want some strong, real feeling, and then I’ll look at you and... Fuck it!
- Don't you feel sick? - No, I have nothing left.
Well, what analgin? It's New Year.
So tell me. And who was wrong, I will decide for myself.
- Did you send her? - Well, yes. - I envy you.
