Let's go to school with the most cheerful expression on our faces!
Most people approach this painful process philosophically. In our difficult times, not everyone who has mastered the most difficult knowledge with true brilliance immediately finds themselves in highly paid positions. It is no coincidence that cool statuses about studying occupy one of the most prominent places in the difficult daily work of a schoolchild or student.
- Study with only "A" and you will die alone. A diploma in old age will not serve a mug of water.
- "Hello! I want to point out to you that your child is very behind in geography.” - “Come on, what's the difference. When he finishes school, he’s unlikely to travel further than the next metro station on his salary.”
- If you haven't prepared a lesson, don't make a fool of yourself. Before the teacher, you already are.
- The years go by and go. I can’t understand, were mathematics, chemistry and physics a joke? For some reason they don’t help me either at work or at home.
- Those who have not studied know neither what real hunger is nor what real thirst is. Just not knowledge, of course.
- Catch me and you will catch me again and again. And when you grab it, you will understand that I am just your pipe dream. Hello! Your diploma.
- The physical education teacher addresses the group: “Admit it, are there any smokers?” Everyone is silent. Finally, 2 students step forward. Teacher: “Great! Smoke break. The rest of us, run and march!”
- The one who studies stands on 3 pillars: he constantly shines in response to the teacher, like a sunbeam, merges with his studies, like a stream of water, absorbs nutrition, like soil. And only the learning process brings them all together.
- Having failed the exam, I came and told my parents that they received a “2” in the art of swearing. They instantly corrected it to “5”.
- Hooray! I graduated from Uni! Google, Yandex and YouTube will get a copy of my diploma and my certificate of employment as a pizza delivery boy.
Institute is not a death sentence!
Before entering a university, you should go through a long period of initial training. Anything can happen there too. Therefore, funny statuses about studying at school often arise.
- I feel constant fear. What kind of life awaits me if I need the skills of drawing and proving theorems?
- They asked a problem: “A pedestrian, a horse, a cyclist, a skating rink, a car and a trolleybus moved simultaneously in the same direction.” I don't care how quickly each of them gets there. I'm wondering what they all forgot there?
- Horror is not when monsters climb through the window. Horror - when the teacher says in a sweet voice: “We close everything and prepare the sheet.”
- There are only 2 distances to the Unified State Exam: oh, and a whole century and damn it, there’s only 1 night left!
- It's good to work as an actor. You sit and pretend that you are doing something. At least now I’ll go to the theater to get settled. All day at home I pretend to study.
- Children and parents are fighters on the invisible front with mathematics and physics.
- 2 mothers of first-graders share their impressions: “At school meetings, it’s like at a Baptist meeting. First, the Teacher solemnly talks about the highest good, then everyone present is imbued with the spirit of his great words, and then everyone begins to hand him large banknotes. After that, everyone goes home in the dark and doesn’t understand what happened to them.”
- “Son, why are the notebooks and diary lying in the corner on the floor?” - “And I do the same as you. I put them there for poor studies.”
- It's hard in exams - it's easy at the cash register at McDonald's!
- The Unified State Exam resembles the work of city heating services. The deadlines are clear, but autumn comes unexpectedly. And no one is ready for it.
- Each teacher only knows his own subject, and even then not very well. And the student must demonstrate “5” knowledge in all disciplines.
- When the teacher looks in your direction and doesn’t let you blow away your cheat sheet, tell him with a smart look: “What about rewriting the problem?”
- “Yes, okay mom! I’ll soon finish my last year, then college, and then I’ll become a director and send you and dad to the Canary Islands. Just let me sleep, I won’t go to school today.” Every morning, first grader Sasha said the same thing. There were 10 years left before graduation.
- When you are writing a test and come across an easy task, be careful! Don't put a smiling emoticon!
- Gold medalist and winner of school literature competitions Valera very competently and politely told customers: “Please tell me, do you need a package?”
- Am I the only one who thinks that “Teacher” and “Tormentor” rhyme with each other?
- One father says to another: “When I went to school, lessons were punishment. But no! Now I realized that there is a real punishment - when you have to do them together with your son. And even for him.”
- We learned to read and write using the alphabet, and our children learned to use the keyboard.
- Teachers, teachers, are you people or not? You say that you should trust your neighbor, right? So why don’t you take our word for it that we have prepared lessons with an “A” grade?
Statuses about studying with meaning
Judging by the fact that they gave us the Olympics in Sochi and the Championship, it is clear that they are confident that the End of the World in 2012 is inevitable.
***
Knowledge can give a person weight, but only good manners can give him shine, and there are many more people who see than they can weigh.
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Learning light So I’m not a moth, I’m not drawn to the light. Most likely, I am your feast who prefers to live in darkness!
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The answer is on the board. -How to get rid of the denominator of this fraction? - You need to wipe it off with a rag!
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Teachers, how can you not understand?! we plug one ear with an earphone so that all your words fly into one ear and out of the other.
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Education is what remains after everything learned at school is forgotten.
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-Where is the school? -Burned. -Where is the school? -Burned. -Where is the school? -Are you deaf?! -No, I like to hear that!
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The grades for the quarter were given. - The main thing, mom, is that we are healthy. Truth?
***
- Exam. Everyone already has tickets. They are sitting. A clearly worried student: - Should I scratch my hand? Teacher: - Scratch it if it helps.
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For me, a chemistry problem looks something like this: “Two camels were flying - one red, the other to the left. How much does a kilogram of asphalt weigh if the hedgehog is 24 years old?”
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God bless all the teachers who don’t notice that we are cheating.
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Physics lesson. teacher shows experience: Take an ebonite stick, put it in an ebonite glass. VOVOCHKA: Isn’t that fucking?
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- A modern student, instead of preparing for a session, looks on the Internet for a beautiful status about fucked up.
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Let's put away the textbooks! Let's take double leaves! - the most terrible words of childhood.
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During a chemistry lesson, our teacher mixed a blue liquid with a red one and got green. We thought she was a witch and burned her.
***
I’m sitting at a lecture, I look at the lecturer, the more he loads, the more I slow down!
If a person begins to grow old and begins to actively re-read the Bible, it means that his final exam is upon him.
***
Note from a former student: To successfully pass the exam, you will need 10 kopecks in your pocket, but even better, not kopecks but dollars, and not 10 but 1000. And on the teacher’s table, not in your pocket.
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- The night before the exam is like the night before Christmas. You stay awake and hope for a miracle.
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The depth of the neckline on the dress of a student who came to take an exam is inversely proportional to the depth of her knowledge.
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Teacher to students: “Don’t be afraid of the questions on the exam tickets, be afraid of your answers.”
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During the exam, after answering your question, were you asked an additional question? Yes. They asked: “Are you a moron?”
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A real student is not the person who wonders what exam is today, but the one who asks the people what kind of exam he passed today.
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- I now have only two goals: pass the exams and survive the session, and then summer, summer, summer!
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I really want each of you to do well on your exams and have a great summer!
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I kind of already want May, because then it’s summer, but I don’t want it at the same time. Exams suck.
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The student studied all the philosophy papers, but did not take the exam, because life has no meaning and all people are pawns in it.
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Get up, bunny, it's time for your exam! Today I'm a fish, I have no legs, and I'm not going anywhere!
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- I'm preparing for exams, just very slowly. From the outside it looks like I'm lying down.
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The teacher says: “You should prepare for exams in advance, not in one day!” She simply underestimates my power.
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During exams, children require special care from their parents, and the further away they go, the better.
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If you sit blankly staring at a blank white sheet for half an hour, then you are on an exam.
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I was kicked out of the university for cheating on a psychology exam - I looked into the soul of my neighbor.
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- Lately I've only been thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you. I go to bed with them. I'll go crazy soon. Stop tormenting me. Stop exams!
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The mess in a student’s head during an exam miraculously turns into noodles in the teacher’s ears.
Finished school - feel free to walk along the corridors of the institute!
Those who think that studying at a university are easier than at school are very mistaken. Various statuses about studying at the institute confirm the difficulties in a student’s life. It is enough to go to any page in contact or on Facebook to understand this.
- It is better to undergo a difficult training as an adult than to work as a courier all your life.
- “Tell me 3 words that will make my heart beat and fill my body with warm light!” - “Okay, the record book is “3”.
- When you come to study, the teachers demand that your nervous system stay at home. When you come back, her parents demand that she stay at the institute. Is there some kind of storage room for her, or something?
- I concentrated, took the start, and rushed. Damn, it's the end of the semester.
- Studying is not a cheap thing. If you want a test, prepare 100 $, an essay - 150, a coursework - 200, for an exam - 300. There is no price for studying at a university.
- The evil spirit not only created numbers, it also merged letters, not Russian, but Latin, into higher mathematics. Not otherwise, the witches had a hand. And where was the Inquisition looking?
- September 1st is like a call. Serve and respond on command until demobilization is released.
- I made a mistake on the test! Do not be sad! The time will come when employees will fill out bank loan documents for you.
- The teacher asks me if I am ashamed that I came unprepared? And he is not ashamed that he took away 5 of the best years of my life, and even made money from it.
- Passed the session with an "A" - you're a giant! At “4” – you’re great! On “3” – you are a hero! If you fail, you are a future official!
- Don't be afraid of tails behind! Fear unemployment ahead.
- The session is approaching and enlightenment comes to the student. He doesn't eat, doesn't drink, doesn't think about girls. He is completely immersed in higher knowledge.
- Share your smile with the teacher and it will come back to you during the exam.
- Now I know that dollars can control everything. You will get 500 bucks from the test and all the radicals and equations will be solved by themselves just from their type.
- He graduated from school with a gold medal, and graduated from college with honors. Thank you, Vovka, a poor student, I hired him as a sales manager.
- Favorite teacher, like a dear uncle. Always ready to reprimand and waiting for a treat to be brought to him.
- Did you like the girl? Don't hesitate. Do drawings for her all semester and she will marry you immediately after the session.
- “Congratulations, your son has entered university.” - “Thank you for your condolences. Leave the money in the box in the hallway. And, if you are good at mathematics, make a note in the book on the table.”
- You can’t take us into a session with your bare hands. Scientists without studying. Let's not miss our "3"!
- “So, what do we have here? No, no, “2” and “2” again. And here in general there is a question of expulsion.” “That’s what Vasya said, looking at his professor’s Twitter page.
- It is impossible to climb a mountain without stepping on each step individually.
- Of course, thanks to the teachers, but Google instilled in me more knowledge than they did.
- It is not the one who studies at the institute who is hungry. The one who entered there while being married is hungry.
- Granny asked what I would be when I graduated from university. I explained to her that a new direction had emerged - cognitive psychology. Finally, she understood. When I get my diploma, I will work as a cashier.
Not all young people are brave enough to set sail on the waves of higher education. Many people choose a simpler task. But in any case, statuses about studying at a college, university or school always enjoy constant success and sympathy.
Statuses and aphorisms of teachers
Sh
the stake teacher is the ideal wife.
She is the only woman in the world who, after asking a question, pauses to listen to your answer. *** “ Please
send me to a salary increase course.”
*** The
teacher knows the answers to all the questions he asks.
*** For
those who are at school, at the blackboard, And are dying of melancholy!
*** It
’s better to tell the director the truth on the phone.
*** Judging
by the salaries of teachers, our government consists of vengeful losers.
*** And
you can’t bribe the director with humility - he takes gifts.
*** The first
time she jumped with a parachute, the Russian language teacher was delighted, discouraged and amazed, but out loud she screamed differently.
*** A good
teacher tests the presence of knowledge, a bad one tests the lack of it ***
We
ourselves must believe in what we teach our children.
*** “
Prepare the sleigh in the summer, and prepare the Unified State Exam in the winter.”
*** Where
do most teachers keep their money?
In my dreams... *** The government
announced that teachers' salaries will increase by 2.5 times, but on the condition that they go to work at the factory.
*** A
real teacher must keep a sufficient distance from his students... so that they cannot spit on him.
The
ball was still flying through the principal's window, and the children were already playing hide and seek... ***
At
school on the line on September 1, you can tell by their tan who will go to college anyway.
*** former
rector of Moscow State University entered this university without passing exams.
Anyone in his place would do the same. *** If
the Teaching is Light, then the teacher is a switch. In Russian there is no word “switch”.
*** This
year a decree was issued that the physical teacher, the labor worker and the supply manager are paid on different days.
*** “
I’ll give you grades now!!!”
- said the student when he went to the teacher’s Odnoklassniki page. *** Oh,
one day the children caught a butterfly, and one student hid it in his fist.
And they asked the Teacher a question. “Teacher, tell me which butterfly we have - dead or alive?” Before this, they agreed that if the Teacher says “alive,” the student will clench his fist and crush it, and if he says “dead,” he will open his palm and the butterfly will fly away. The teacher replied, “Everything is in your hands.” *** A
teacher is one who learns every day.
*** After
the check, our director came out unscathed and quickly went up the hill.
*** Someone
brought money to repair the school, an A, the rest - get ready to answer!
*** Teacher
- bark something warm and tender... ***
secret
of a real teacher is to show that all his life he knew what he read about last night.
*** Lesson
.
In order to somehow attract the attention of the students, the mathematics teacher wrote “Tin. Everyone watch." *** If
the teacher decides to have fun during the exam, this does not mean that the students will laugh with him.
*** There
are three good reasons to become a teacher: June, July, August.
***
in class, and suddenly a lollipop falls out of my bag, it seems like nonsense, only I’m 25 years old and I’m a teacher. *** - E
If there is a teacher of work, there must be a teacher of rest!!!
*** A tipsy
man buys a bottle of vodka and says with annoyance: “You can’t really get around on a teacher’s salary…” “Are you a teacher?!”
— the saleswoman is surprised. — My wife is a teacher. *** Teachers
work at one and a half times, because with one there is nothing to eat, and with two, there is no time to eat.
More statuses about teachers>> Jokes about the Unified State Exam
