Why can’t you live in the past and how can you start living in the present?

How to stop living in the past? 15 August 2021, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova

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Life, as we know, is “a moment between the past and the future.” And the moment is beautiful in its own way. But not everyone likes to live in the present. Some people dream of a bright future, while others constantly return to the past in their minds. Living in the past is like walking backwards along the road: the goal is not visible, the path does not bring any pleasure and there is a high chance of falling into a ditch. Let's think about why people still live in the past and whether it is possible to get rid of this habit.

Past

Why does the past fascinate us so much? Often - due to a feeling of lost happiness. If the past years were filled with pleasant emotions, interesting events and adventures, it is natural for us to want to return to this time - at least mentally.

Another psychological reason for constant “flashbacks” is the inability to change with age and changing living conditions. For example, for many during student times, the main entertainment was hanging out with friends. But after graduation, everyone begins to work actively, starts families and meets less often, and even these rare parties are not nearly as stormy. And people who are emotionally “stuck” as students find it very difficult to come to terms with this. They constantly remember old times and cannot find themselves in their new adult life. Or another common example: a mother cannot find a common language with her teenage child. And the whole point is that she is trying to reanimate their past relationship: she wants to constantly spend time together and requires the same emotional return that she had in childhood. To prevent this from happening, you need to understand: the child grows and relationships inevitably change. Therefore, it is necessary to grow and change with it.

The present

“Life turns into a real holiday when there is nothing in it except the present,” wrote Pablo Coelho . And indeed, we can only be happy at this particular moment, and not in a half-forgotten past or an imaginary future.

And if the present seems gray and faded compared to the events of the past, you need to color it. Find new hobbies, try to give yourself positive emotions as often as possible.

Try to become interested in some things that previously seemed boring to you: as we age, we change and so do our interests. How that same former student, yearning for parties, could get carried away by work and career.

Or adjust the world around you to suit your interests. For example, many of my friends who did not want to say goodbye to student life continued to receive their education in Europe. And moms trying to turn their teenage son into a toddler may end up having another child instead.

Future

But for the present to have meaning, we must always make plans for the future. From small ones: going to a concert or going on vacation, to global ones: building a house or traveling around the world. Write down all your desires and dreams on a piece of paper and start making them come true. And it doesn’t matter how long this path takes, because moving towards the goal is no less important than the goal itself.

Do you often mentally return to the past?

By the way…

We often want to go back to the past because we were younger there. Anti-aging creams will help prolong the youth of your skin.

Katya Kozhevnikova , iledebeaute.ru

Why is this bad?

CONTENT:

Numerous memories do not allow one to move forward, placing invisible shackles on a person. There is nothing wrong with occasionally indulging in a little nostalgia and reliving pleasant moments in your memory. But for someone who is too dissatisfied with himself and the world around him, such “immersion” becomes a way of escaping from reality.

A person gets stuck in one place and stops developing. His motivation for further actions disappears, and previously set goals cease to have any meaning. This condition can last for years and even decades. Standard examples from literature and feature films are widows who buried themselves alive after the death of their husbands, middle-aged losers who spend their days reminiscing about the successes of their youth, dreamers who are afraid to take action because they remember how they were burned in the past. All these people end up with nothing. And those who nevertheless woke up from illusions bitterly regret the wasted time.

How to start living in the present

By letting go of the past and protecting yourself from unnecessary worries, you can finally relax and start living in the present, and for this you need:

• Find motivation. Moving towards happiness and a bright future is impossible without motivation. Learn to set goals for yourself and argue for their importance. If you clearly understand why and why you are doing this and not otherwise, then it will be much easier for you to achieve your goals.
• Learn to live for today. It is very important to do everything in a timely manner, here and now. You live in the present, not the past or future, so try to solve at least a small task every day.
• End a painful relationship. Sometimes people from the past interfere with living in the present and moving towards the future. Many people say that you shouldn’t throw away your friends and acquaintances, but if a relationship with another person is burdening you, then it’s better to break it off. Then nothing will slow you down.
• Getting rid of painful emotions is also very important. Remember the emotions you felt during the most difficult periods of your life and be prepared to counteract them if they make themselves felt again. Alternatively, you can think about your favorite interests and hobbies.
• Start the day on a positive note. Make it a habit to start every morning with a smile. Take a contrast shower in the morning, go for a run in the park. Drink a delicious cup of tea or coffee, wink at yourself in the mirror and get ready to accomplish the impossible.

Important

If you want to start living again, then be prepared to completely get rid of the past, be it painful memories or the people who provoke them.

Why is letting go of the past so difficult?

Good memories replace a person with what he lacks in reality. A sort of pleasant aftertaste that periodically appears in the nooks and crannies of memory. For those who have nothing to quench their thirst for pleasant experiences, it becomes a real drug.

We are accustomed to appreciating what we got at a hard price: we carefully store the certificates we receive, display cups and framed diplomas in a prominent place. Things like this are evidence of success, looking at which you can proudly say: “Yes, I really tried my best.” Looking at them, a person is mentally transported to the moment when his abilities were appreciated. And if there are no new reasons for pride and self-praise, then the only way to calm your pride is to resurrect a happy day in your memory. And some people stay in it forever.

As for unpleasant memories, they provide one important thing - a reason for justification. Are old friends gradually turning away, but new ones cannot be found? Do job resumes sent out go unanswered? Does life seem gray and dreary? And here they come to the rescue - all sorts of excuses based on past events. There is no longer any need to strive for something - why, if all efforts are useless due to old mistakes? Those who hold on to the past reassure themselves by accusing others of fabricated sins. A person caught in the tenacious trap of his own memory can spend hours analyzing and finding out how this or that situation affected the rest of his life. Often these thoughts reach the point of absurdity.

“My personal life doesn’t work out because I have to build a career instead of dating someone. And all because of my parents who refused to pay for a normal university, and I had to go to a “local” university. If I had a prestigious education, I would have been sitting in the boss’s chair long ago and doing what I wanted!” – such accusations are not only offensive, but also unfounded. No one can know how events would develop in any given case. Until a person understands that it is necessary to live in the present, he will not be able to find true peace and happiness.

Why leave the past in the past?

Mistakes you once made drag you down. It is as if you are walking along the road with your back turned to it. As a result, you see neither the beauty around you nor the final destination ahead. You only see your footprints. Sounds sad, doesn't it?

If you can accept your past mistakes, you will face the future with confidence. Even serious crimes have a statute of limitations, do you really have to torture yourself for life?

Some people relive their past mistakes over and over again, while others find the strength to look forward. Psychologists note that much depends on the inner core of the individual, on the people around him, and even on childhood. However, if you consider yourself a weak and vulnerable person, this does not mean that you are not able to pull yourself together and change your own life. Therefore, it is extremely important to know how to stop living in the past.

Forgiving yourself and your actions will give you inner freedom. A person who is shackled by past grievances and failures cannot develop spiritually. How to stop living in the past? Psychology offers the following methods.

Resetting psychological ballast

The first step towards solving a problem is to recognize its existence. If you understand that your mind is clouded by visions of the past, then you are ready to correct the current situation. Use methods that will help free up your memory for new impressions.

Fix what can be fixed

All our actions have consequences. It is the observation of a negative result that forces one to scrutinize previous actions over and over again. This is a useless waste of time, which will now yield nothing. You cannot go back into the past and correct it, but you have the power to influence reality. Do you regret not spending enough time with your children? Give them attention now - adults need close people too.

Unachieved goals can be compensated for by current successes. It is necessary to spend energy on making up for missed opportunities, and not on regretting them.

Stop beating yourself and others

The tendency to self-flagellation can manifest itself even in minor details. Instead of removing the fragments from the accidentally broken mug, the person launches into an angry tirade directed at himself: “What crooked hands I have, and why did I even take this cup, I could have done without it!”, and so on for another half hour . But this will not help glue the fragments together, but will only take time and nerves.

Realize that everything bad has already happened. Correcting mistakes is much more difficult if you do it in a stressful environment. Everyone has the right to make mistakes, including you. People tend to exaggerate the scale of events they influence. No one will die because you made an inaccuracy in the annual reporting before last, and everyone has probably already forgotten about the awkward situation that happened to you a couple of months ago.

The main thing is to forgive not only yourself, but also those around you. It’s hard to imagine how much energy grievances carried through the years take away. Try to convince yourself that the people who harmed you have already received a fair punishment. Perhaps they realized their guilt and were tormented by remorse. The ability to forgive is one of the manifestations of inner strength.

Find something to do

Busy people don't have time to think melancholy about days gone by. Make a list of things that are put off until later and start doing them. Don't you have similar responsibilities? Better yet, fill your day with healthy activity. Devote your free hours to learning new skills, improving your professional qualities, and strengthening relationships with loved ones. You will simply have no time to indulge in useless thoughts. Work will distract you from unnecessary thoughts, and the result of your efforts will have a positive impact on your life.

Those who regret the past often feel disappointed in their previous goals and dreams. If you are this type, give yourself a shake-up. Find a new goal and work hard to achieve it. Let it be small. Global endeavors involve global risk, and in the event of a major failure, you will experience even more stress.

At first it will be difficult to adapt to the new rhythm. To make the adaptation process easier, follow a daily routine. It has been proven that people who go to bed and wake up at a set time have a more stable psyche.

Learn from past mistakes

No matter how bad the situation is, there are always certain conclusions that can be drawn from it. Pain is the price for mistakes that you, having learned from your own experience, will now not make. Have you spent several years on a person who betrayed you? Yes, lost time cannot be returned, but next time you will be more vigilant towards new acquaintances and will be able to understand their evil intentions in time.

There is no such thing as a useless experience. Experienced negativity prepares you for harsher conditions and allows you to open your eyes to things that previously seemed insignificant. A person can hear hundreds of times that you should not drive while intoxicated, and still ignore these warnings. But when he gets into an accident “under the influence”, he will refuse to take alcoholic beverages before the next trip. Adversity like this gives us unique lessons that are difficult to learn under other circumstances.

Six signs that a person confuses fear and intuition and makes mistakes

Intuition always tells you the truth, helping you avoid difficult problems, and sometimes even saving you from big trouble.

However, at some points a person confuses it with fear. And to prevent this from happening, you need to familiarize yourself with the situations why and when this happens.

Stuck in your past, a person lives in his past

If a person solves all his problems based on past experience. This means that he is stuck in it.

He does not realize the impossibility of changing what has already happened, as well as the attitude towards him. His constant worry and anxiety spoil the present.

Life does not stand still, it continues and you should not be afraid of it under any circumstances. It is necessary to live in the present moment, listening to your inner voice, not to fear.

Give your mind over to negativity

Fear consists of three elements: confusion, anxiety and low self-esteem. And intuition, against the background of these feelings, works as a shield that protects against consequences.

To overcome it, a person needs to remember his loved ones who have high hopes for his actions. Focusing your life on the negative has never done anyone any good.

It will only cloud your intuition, depriving you of the ability to defend yourself.

Trying to run away from yourself

If a person runs away from himself, then he automatically moves away from his intuition.

You can avoid this in a very simple way: stop, take a deep breath and listen to your own thoughts, organizing them.

If the world around is drowning in chaos, this does not mean that it should take the person with it. If you feel constant anxiety, you need to stop. And just listen to your inner self.

Insomnia as a result of constant anxiety

If a person feels that anxiety is keeping her from sleeping. This means fear drove his intuition inside his consciousness. From there, intuition cannot send the correct signals.

In this state, fear literally controls the mind . Anxiety never benefits anyone. Therefore, you need to stop taking antidepressants and tearing your hair out.

Instead, you need to listen to your intuition and focus on its impulses.

Photos from pictures yandex.ru

Pattern behavior

It is human nature to choose the easy path, even knowing that it will lead nowhere. And all this is because of fear, which forces you to follow the same path over and over again.

Leaving your own comfort zone is difficult, scary, unusual and somewhat dangerous. But this step needs to be taken. Otherwise, self-doubt cannot be overcome. And do not become a winner in your own life.

Fear of being alone with yourself

Fear and intuition are two feelings that simply cannot be compatible. This is due to the fact that fear is false . And it doesn’t allow you to look at yourself from the outside. To know your inner essence, covering it with illusions.

And intuition is honest . It is by staying with her that you can know your mind. Find weak spots and strengthen them. And become the best version of yourself. Meditation practice can help with this by strengthening the connection between the mind and intuition.

You can't let fear take over your intuition. A person can drive himself into life’s troubles, darkness and hopeless situation.

To prevent this from happening, it is necessary to strengthen the connection with inner vision and not let fear come to the fore .

Exchange positive emotions for the article: A person lives in the past: how to learn not to live in the past. I give you a blessing, and you go through the stars!

Don't live in the past, live in the present

Here's what the famous writer and psychologist Dale Carnegie thought about the past and future:

The first and most important thing a person should know about anxiety is that in order to crowd out anxiety from one’s life, one must make every effort to distinguish between the past and the future.

Carnegie proposes installing “iron doors” between them, thereby creating the “sealed compartments” of today. It is necessary to live in the present, without regretting the past and without worrying about the future. Otherwise, past experiences and thoughts of hope will create anxiety and worry.

Be happy and enjoy today. You have probably already been told once: “Don’t live in the past, live in the present.” It's time to understand that you are here and now. You are neither in the past nor in the future.

Fix what can be fixed

Life goes on, you need to learn this simple truth. And it does not continue in your memories and soul-searching. Every minute counts down precious time. But our life is not so long as to allow ourselves to neglect even one second.

Think about what past mistakes you can correct today. For example, you offended a friend in your youth, but you are still tormented by feelings of guilt. Find her on social networks, try to talk and ask for forgiveness. It is unlikely that she still holds a grudge against you. Of course, your friend may turn out to be a rather vindictive person who will refuse to accept your apology. Don't let this bother you. The main thing is that you apologized.

Remember that you always have the opportunity to change something. You only need the present and the future for this.

Throw out negative emotions

What has been accumulated inside for years needs to be thrown out. Everyone does it differently. Many women choose to cry out their pain. There is no need to be shy about shedding tears over events that are long past. Allow yourself to cry as long as necessary to feel liberated.

You can also go to the gym and beat a punching bag/break unnecessary plates/scream out your emotions.

Could you have changed anything?

Alas, humanity has not yet invented a time machine. Everything that has sunk into oblivion cannot be returned or corrected. Therefore, change your attitude in your role in past failures. Perhaps you could change something. Perhaps you missed many opportunities that fate provided you with. However, in fact, you were not the master of the situation: you were influenced by other people and events, as well as the worldview of that time.

Understand that little depended on you. Even if this was not the case, a little self-deception will not hurt. After all, the past cannot be corrected.