Funny statuses about girlfriends

Funny jokes about girlfriends

Two friends: - Sonya, how much do you weigh now? - I don’t know. I don't have scales so I don't have to be upset! - Oh, Sonya, by the time you’re forty, you won’t even have mirrors at home...

A friend advised a diet: exclude sweets, salty foods and alcohol... Now I’m thinking: is she my friend after this? I'm divorcing my wife. After the news spread to all mutual and not so familiar friends, most of the long-time girlfriends on Viber and Whatsup synchronously changed their avatars to a photo in a full-length swimsuit. Two friends meet. One: - Oh-oh-oh, you've lost so much weight! Diet? - Not really. My husband is cheating on me, and I’m worried, nervous... - Well, divorce this dog! Why do you need him?! - I can’t yet, I still need to lose 5 kilograms... The woman tells her friends: - My husband offered me a gift for March 8, so that its name begins with the letter “sh.” I chose a fur coat, a hat, champagne, a noise, hats, golden fur coats and a silver Chevrolet. Two friends met: - Hello! Are you still fluttering? - Not anymore. Knocked up... The secret of long female friendship: different tastes in men and the same tastes in wine. - Honey, let's invite your friends to a Halloween party. – You said they were scary! - So this is the same thing!

So, I didn’t manage to lose weight by spring. I'll feed my friends and play in contrast.

- Natasha... Half of your friends walk around with bellies. Maybe it's time for us too? — Get the pork out to defrost. In the meantime, I'm off to get some eclairs... Do you want to annoy your slender friend? - Give her a TV for the kitchen! Three blondes meet, one says: “Well, finally the two of us have gathered together!” - How is that?! - Well (points to her friends): one, two! If you don't believe me, do the math yourself! A woman sometimes doesn’t even think about what she’s missing... Until a friend brags... A girl is riding a tram and talking on the phone with a friend: “Yes, I’m on a diet. I eat vegetables. Yesterday I ordered French fries from McDonald’s……what do you mean French fries aren’t a vegetable????” Two friends are talking: - Guess a three-letter word. The second letter U sometimes moves... - Husband? A girl asks her friend about the reason for her wild popularity: “Is it because of my gorgeous hair?” - No. – Is it because of my attractive figure? - No. – Is it because of my friendly nature? - No. - I give up. - Yes. Two friends are traveling on a crowded bus. One says to the other: “It looks like I’m going to have a child.” - Wow!! *_* And from whom?.. Ta: - I don’t know - I can’t turn around... - Well, friend, are we losing weight? - We're losing weight. I already bought kefir. - Oh cool! Let's make pancakes from it.

A friend with whom you cannot be yourself - and not a friend at all

Boasting is a sacred thing. What else to do with your closest ones: funny statuses about girlfriends.

It seems to me that my friend and I have already tried all possible nonsense, we have been friends since childhood :D.
I love it when my friend and I have the same problem: pizza or sushi.
I love it when we meet a friend after a long separation, but it’s still better not to part with her at all.
I swear, next time I won't call my friend when I want to cry :D.
The most valuable friend is the one who has no expiration date...
The less ideal a woman you are, the more friends you have :).
To prevent your friends from getting boring, you need to have several of them, and different ones!
You are not perfect from the word “at all”. But I know that when you need me, I will be there.
There are friends who just want to pour out their souls. But here you need to be careful.
With a friend like mine, you won't be able to get depressed :).
True friendship is when you even share common nonsense...
I'm a fool and she's a fool. In general, we are friends :D.
Nobody needs scary girlfriends. We need those who are ready to be there in difficult times.
Girlfriends who behave seriously are not girlfriends at all!
She will tell some joke, stupid to the point of disgrace, and I already feel happy :).
There is no need to compete. Send this idiot away and go get some wine.
If I laugh for no apparent reason, it means my friend is somewhere nearby^^.

About Valya and friends

It’s 85-year-old Valechka’s birthday. Her friends should come. I bought a cake and pastries and put it all in the kitchen. And since my memory is no longer the same, I wrote a note about what should be done and in what order, and stuck it on the refrigerator. 1. Drink tea. 2. Treat them to cake. 3. Treat them to cakes. Girlfriends came. Valechka goes to the kitchen and reads: 1. Give her some tea. She brings tea into the room, everyone drinks. She goes into the kitchen again and reads: 1. Give me some tea. They are drinking tea again. And so 6 times. After this, the girlfriends say goodbye and leave. Already on the street one of them says: “Valechka is really bad.” We sat there for two hours - at least she could give us some tea. Second: “Did we really go to Valechka’s?” Third: – Who is Valechka? Valechka went into the kitchen, and there was cake, pastries, everything untouched: - Those old fools didn’t even come!

Check it out: Jokes about Georgians

Humor for girlfriends - anecdotes, aphorisms, jokes
Katya
and Olya drank vodka... And then they remembered that they were ladies and began to drink champagne!... ***
The
argument between friends ends when one of them has no one to go to the club with ** *
return
from the tavern. One walks holding onto the fence. The second one crawls nearby on all fours. The one on her feet asks: “Katyukh, do you respect me?” The bottom one raises her head: “Who?” I? Yes, I'm proud of you!...

***

everyone has her... a friend who eats for DAYS like a hippopotamus and doesn't get fat...
A
friend shares: - I love and am loved.
- Congratulations! - Nothing. These are different guys *** Both
friends: - Hello!
What's up? - Fine. What's new? How's the cattle? - Yes, I exhausted all my nerves! There’s no way I’ll send you to work... - CAT??? - Damn... I thought you were talking about your husband... *** Oh,
I’ll marry my friend!
I don't have the strength to drink with her anymore! *** So
what, my friend has size 1 breasts!
For that the paw of the leg of the forty-third! *** A
girl can drink a bottle of whiskey, beat a guy with her purse and walk home along a dark street alone, but she will go to the toilet with a friend.
*** I
met with my friends yesterday... and one of them told us: - Girls, I want to introduce you to my new boyfriend!!!
And I ask you, just without swearing... he’s an intellectual! ... In short... she introduced me as a beloved, deaf-mute friend... ***
Another friend tells
about A guy will come to see me today. You need to take a bottle of wine out of the refrigerator to set it in a romantic mood! “I think one bottle won’t be enough for him for an evening with you.” *** Conversation
between two friends: - Now I’ll tell you such a joke that your tits will fall off from laughing.
- A-ah-ah! So they probably told you about it a long time ago? *** - Darling
, are you staying with your friends for a long time?
- No. I'll quickly get drunk and go back. *** If
you fall, your best friend will definitely pick you up... as soon as she stops laughing wildly.
*** - Since
today I saw yours with some fat chick!
“And I kept wondering, watching out of the corner of my eye: what kind of ugly guy with glasses is staring at us all the time?!” *** Friends
near the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
- Look how crooked the tower is! - Oh-yo-oh, who would talk?! *** Women
don’t count their years.
Their friends do it for them. Conversation
between two friends: “Can you imagine, last night I walked into the entrance, and there was a maniac there!”
He examined me from head to toe. . . - Horrible! - That's what he said too. He turned and left. *** talking
: - Where did you get this ring from?
— The boy gave it as a souvenir. - What kind of boy? - I don’t remember... *** A
friend took her husband and seamstress away from her.
She couldn't forgive the last one. *** Damn
, my friend and I were evicted from the hotel yesterday, from our room!!!
And not because we sang loudly, but because... by the fire!!! *** Women
's happiness is bald friends... ***
- Why
is one of two friends always ugly?
- It’s not true, my friend is beautiful! *** meet
.
- How is your boyfriend? Still doing math? “I don’t want to hear about him anymore.” Yesterday I called him, and he said that he wouldn’t go for a walk because he was fucking three unknown people. *** meet
: - You know, Verka doesn’t wear makeup at all, but she’s been living with her husband in perfect harmony for many years.
- Wow! What's the secret? - And he’s a drinker! *** For
many women, experiencing love means discussing it with a friend.
*** Only
a woman, after discussing a topic on the phone for an hour, can say to her friend: “Okay, we’ll talk when we meet - this is not a telephone conversation.”
*** I’m
so exhausted, there’s so much work, I want to rest.
- You're like Cinderella! - Yeah, only Cinderella dreamed of going to the ball, and I dreamed of going to the bathhouse with my friends. And if I don’t return home before midnight, I’ll get a pumpkin from my husband)) *** Two
friends are talking.
— I found myself a new friend: young, unmarried, rich, generous, handsome. - Amazing! “He already gave me a mink coat and promised to give me a Mercedes.” - Amazing! — And next week we are going on vacation with him to the Seychelles. - Amazing! - Well, how are you doing? — As usual, I signed up for a course in good manners. - Well, what do they teach there? “The first thing they taught me was to say, “Amazing!” instead of “Don’t fuck off!” *** came
.
We started pickling cucumbers with it. It all ended with us snacking on them later. *** A
friend asks a friend about her boyfriend at 20 - what is he like?
at 30 years old - who is he? at 40 years old - where is he? *** -
Darling, if I seduce your husband, will we remain friends?
- No. - So we will become enemies? - No. - And then what? - We'll be even. ***
Two friends meet: - Why are you so sad
? - says one. “Well, yesterday my lover came and did everything so well, and then my husband came and remade everything in his own way.” *** meet
and one tells the other: “Yesterday my husband and I had such an embarrassment!”
Can you imagine, we’re lying on the bed, and then there’s a knock on the door. And we’re both going to rush into the closet! *** When
buying a fur coat, a lady asks the saleswoman: “Can I ask that it be delivered to my home, but before ringing my doorbell, they would mistakenly look at my neighbor’s first?”
*** talking
: - Well, how are you and Vaska doing?
- ABOUT! Fabulous! He brought out the woman in me!!! - Nothing surprising. . . With his alarm clock! *** talking
.
“I adore nature,” says one. Another looked carefully at her friend and sarcastically remarked: “And this is after what she did to you?” *** Friend
to friend: “Are you cheating on your husband?”
- And you? - Answer, I asked first. - No, let's go first. - You don’t have to answer, everything is clear. *** My
friends and I can do anything: work like I-GO-GO, and relax O-GO-GO... ***
to
my friend: - Would you like to come to my place for tea?
She: -You pronounce the word “Cognac” somehow strangely?! *** All
my friends want to receive expensive jewelry, perfume, iPhones as a gift from their man for the New Year.
BITCHES... At least I need a MAN... *** Well
, there were two girlfriends.
And they hated men so much that they made a vow: “We’ll never get married!” And they settled together in the same apartment. And they got themselves a cat. And because of their hatred of any male creatures, they did not allow cats near her. Whether for a long time or for a short time, don’t ask how, but a good fellow was found who broke this idyll. And he took one of his friends in marriage. The friends parted with tears when the newlyweds left for their honeymoon. And the young wife promised her friend that she would send her SMS every day. And then a day, two, a week passes... and there is no answer or greeting from the young people. And now, three weeks later, a completely worried friend receives the long-awaited SMS, and it says: - RET OUT THE CAT IMMEDIATELY. *** About
the same friend says to another: “I really want to do something nasty to Svetka!”
Because all sorts of gossip is being spread about me! - So maybe it’s not her. “Maybe, but she wants to do something nasty to her.” *** The fact
that your best friend stole your husband is something you can still get over.
But how can you cope with the fact that your ex has started earning decent money? *** talking
.
One says: “I used to think that it was hard when “critical days” came. It turns out that it’s hard when they don’t come. *** One
woman met a “wealthy man” on the Internet and went on a date for the first time. She came back and swears with all her might. - What happened to you? - asks a friend. - Can you imagine, he dragged himself in a 1928 Mercedes! - This is a cool car - a collector's item! - Yes, but he is its first owner!

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Cool poems for girlfriends (adults)

Birthday wishes for a friend in verse

Women's aphorisms in funny pictures

Jokes about drunk girlfriends

We’re sitting with a friend, drinking vodka... Deep in thought, I ask: “Katka, what’s your weight?” - Fifty kg! Me, melancholy: – Lamb weight!!! The answer killed me... With resentment: - Or maybe I’d rather be a bag of sugar!

Two drunk friends: - Lyuba, are we in the jungle? - Sveta, take the dill off your glasses! My friends and I decided to figure it out between three of us... As a result, none of the three could figure it out! One day, two friends were returning home from a cooperative at night on autopilot. Well, of course, they wanted to relieve themselves. But there were no toilets along the way, only a cemetery. Well, a cemetery is a cemetery. The first one relieved herself, but the problem was that there was no paper to wipe herself off with, but okay, she wiped herself with her panties and threw it away because she was drunk. The second one was luckier; she took off some ribbon from the wreath. The next morning, the husbands talk: “Mine is completely crazy, last night she came to the firewood without panties.” - Yes, these are still flowers, mine, however, came in shorts, but in my shorts there was a ribbon hanging with the inscription “We will always remember you.” Your guys are from Fire Station No. 5."

If I can't sleep, then she won't sleep either.

Funny statuses about crazy girlfriends are something that pleases our hearts, girls. Please your psychopathic loved ones :).

Yes, you can’t choose an outfit for the club alone. Let's call your friend!
As soon as a friend shows symptoms of depression, my liver starts to get nervous...
It seems that my friend is ready to throw me into a pond, just to have the pleasure of pulling me out later :D.
I love my friend, but just don’t take pictures of her!
Only the best girls can be best friends! Do you agree?
She knows so much about me that quarreling with her is simply dangerous.
I won't give my girlfriend away in marriage. I don't want to be lonely later.
A moment of harsh humor: my boyfriend definitely won’t sleep with my girlfriend, because you won’t fall asleep with her.
If your friend is purely to show off, then is she really a friend?
No matter how good you are, you need a friend with whom you will dance to Meladze all night.
You will never know true female happiness if you don't have a best friend.
She is my love. But that doesn’t stop her from driving me crazy!
My friends and I know for sure that we will go to hell after what we have already done on this earth :D.
We don’t post a hundred and fifty photos together, we don’t shout everywhere that we are friends, but if you need it, we will definitely support you.
One friend is not enough. Especially if it's real.
It was necessary to try a lot of friends to make sure that true friendship exists...

About best friends

The secret of female happiness is simple: a caring man, new shoes, a beautiful manicure and a best friend nearby. Fat best friend!

Urgently!!! I'm looking for a husband for my best friend! Because she’s so businesslike, she walks everywhere, doesn’t ask anyone for time off... It’s really infuriating... Sorry, I wanted to like your photo, but I missed and slept with your best friend. Lifehack for girls. To look good on the beach this summer, start fattening up your best friend now. Two people are talking: “My husband left me for my best friend.” - Allow me? But it’s me, your best friend. - No, now she is. I'll give my best friend in marriage! I'm not healthy enough to walk with her so much! A woman's best friends are her legs. But even the best friends break up because of men.

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Despite all my shortcomings, they are still friends with me

Over the years, you realize that some girlfriends need to be treasured more than men.
We are not just two beautiful friends. We are also smart.
There are friends who come suddenly and leave just as suddenly. And there are those who stay with you forever.
Not every friend will help in difficult times. Even the best...
And I love friends with whom you can not even communicate for a while, and then meet and communicate as if nothing had happened.
We can quarrel, and we can even fight, but we will never be rivals.
“Several best friends” sounds like “several guys at the same time” to me.
It is men who must fight for us. And we shouldn't fight for men. Moreover, with each other.
The more I am friends with her, the more I love her. This is what a girlfriend should be like!
She rarely smiles, but when she sees me, she just breaks into a smile^^.
A true friend is one who can sometimes even say rude things, but only to you personally, not in front of everyone.
Sometimes you really want your girlfriend to live somewhere nearby, and sometimes you just want to not see her for a month, it’s an infection :D.
The worst friend is the one who became friends with you because of benefits.
It's very sad to lose your best friend because of some nonsense :(.