Useful tips
Do you have friends or at least one friend? Then you are a very happy person. And may it seem to you that having friends is absolutely natural
; in fact this is far from the case. Otherwise, where would people come from who have no friends at all?
Friendships have a huge impact on our health and well-being. A friend will happily share his joy with you, or offer his support and help in the most difficult and unpleasant moments of life.
Friendship is what saves us from loneliness and gives us a chance to feel wanted and
needed on this planet
, even if you haven’t started a family. However, don’t think that building friendships is easy.
It is necessary to understand the importance of friendship in your life; evaluate your capabilities and the strength that may be required of you in order to develop and nourish your friendship. We bring to your attention ten simple but very important tips that will help you become a true friend.
Friendship is a business partnership
In Ancient Greece, the relationship between two business people was perceived not as friendship, but as an interest in the success of a common business.
At that time, friendship between politicians was also often seen as a way to achieve success in politics. In the modern world, in the world of tough business and serious material dependence on the quality of life of people, it is unlikely that anyone can seriously believe that it is possible to maintain or create friendship in the presence of a business partnership. It’s not for nothing that they say: “If you want to lose a friend, start doing business with him.” Sometimes it’s enough to even be employees of the same department to see all the pitfalls of the human psyche and even crash the ship of your hopes for friendship against them. I would not call a business partner a friend, but would limit myself to the definition: “I have a good understanding with my business partner.” A person can be called a companion, colleague, business partner, but not a friend. Such friendship ends when there are problems in business or with the end of a joint business.
Which type of friendship is critical to happiness and which is not?
It's hard to describe in words, but you probably understand what perfect friendship is. It is not related to work, money or ambitions and most often arises from a general love for something. Such deep relationships are an important component of happiness.
Unlike true (perfect) friendship, rational friendship brings much less satisfaction. In it, a person cannot open up completely. For example, if you are friends with a colleague or business partner, you have to show your professional side. It is unlikely that you will risk spoiling an important business relationship with a difficult personal conversation.
Unfortunately, modern city life pushes people to make useful (rational) friendships rather than perfect ones. Indeed: many people work at least 40 hours a week. That is, they communicate with colleagues much more than with family or acquaintances outside the office. Thus, “mutually beneficial” friends can easily supplant perfect ones.
Friendship - friendship
This is the friendship of people, usually connected by a common pastime. For example, these could be classmates, neighbors, employees of the same department, club visitors, lovers of any type of leisure. In such situations, people choose to communicate with those people with whom they feel most comfortable being around. Such friendships usually end with graduation, moving, changing clubs, etc. If no change occurs, then people remain friends, and their relationship does not develop into something more. A distinctive feature of this friendship is that it is “relaxed” for people, that is, friends usually do not cause any trouble. If this starts to happen, then people get rid of such friends, bypass them, and bring others in their place.
How to find true friends and make your life happier
The steps to restoring a healthy friendship balance are quite simple.
Analyze whether you have real friends
Ask yourself how many people know you really well. For example, who (except close relatives!) is able to notice when you are a little unwell or a little upset, and sincerely ask if everything is okay?
If the answer is “Nobody,” then know that you are not alone in this experience. A 2021 Loneliness_Index_National_Report_Compliance survey found that 54% of American adults “always” or “sometimes” feel like no one cares or knows them well.
Here's another test of true friendship. Try to name a few people, not including your partner or spouse, with whom you can easily talk about very personal, truly exciting topics. And even if you managed to name a couple of names, remember how long ago you discussed such issues last time. If it's been more than a month since then, you might not be as close as you think.
Take existing friendships beyond usefulness
My wife and I realized that it was important for both of us to create deeper friendships, and we restructured our social life a little.
When meeting with friends, we tried to redirect the conversation from everyday, potentially useful topics like vacations, shopping, renovations to more personal issues: happiness, love, moral principles, spirituality. This helped us get closer to some friends. And in other cases, on the contrary, it turned out that a full-fledged relationship (that same perfect friendship) is impossible even in the future. But we were able to understand which people are really close to us and with whom we need to meet more often.
Friendship - psychological intimacy
This type of friendship is based on the fact that people feel comfortable and easy together because they belong to the same psychological constitutions, have similar views on life and worldview, are united by common interests, and have similar temperaments and character traits. People just understand each other well, they are on the same path as long as they are comfortable.
According to E. Bern, this is the absence of so-called “manipulative games” in interpersonal communication.
The most important difference between this type of friendship is that psychological intimacy does NOT last forever. People are together as long as they suit each other.
Because people develop, change, and therefore one can never say that “I have finally built psychological intimacy with this person.” Because tomorrow both he and you will change in some way, at least a little. And intimacy will need to be built further or the friendship will end.
Best Friend Qualities
1. They listen to you
Everyone has unpleasant situations in life, from which it is difficult to find a way out on their own. It is at such moments that true friends come to the rescue, listening to you and supporting you morally. What’s important is that a good friend doesn’t just listen, but tells you whether you’re right or wrong. As a rule, the advice of loved ones is very practical.
2. They care about you
As the well-known proverb says, a friend is a friend in need. This is actually the honest truth, because real friends do not regret wasting their time on you. They know that you will also come to their aid, because your relationship is valuable and important both for them and for you. If a friend finds out that you urgently need help, he will be where you need it at the right time.
3. You are offered suitable entertainment
There is nothing wrong with relaxing with friends without any reason. The difference between your closest friends and ordinary acquaintances is that a friend knows exactly where and how to spend the evening so that you remember it for the rest of your life. At the same time, you don’t have to do anything illegal, because relaxing with your best friends can relieve stress and significantly improve your mood both in a nightclub and on a modest picnic.
4. A friend knows when enough is enough.
Any party, any gatherings and events end sooner or later. However, not all people are able to soberly assess their condition and realize when it is time to return home. If at this moment there are no loved ones near the person, the vacation can end in tears.
True friends know exactly the limits of your capabilities and are always ready to “insure” you. It would not be amiss to mention that if your best friends are next to you, even if you are drunk, you will be taken home safe and sound.
Friendship is situational
This is a forced friendship. For example, a person needs to be friends with a senior department manager in order to be in good standing with his superiors. Or the mother needs to be friends with the child’s school teacher so that the child has fewer problems at school. Or the parents of children who attend any section together are friends, as they are connected by training, performances, trips to training camps, supporting other people’s children, etc.
Such friendship ends when the situation that formed the friendship ends. The child stops attending the section, and the mother never calls other parents again - communication has lost its meaning for her.
How to recognize a true friend
5. Communication is good for you.
Even if a person is your best friend, you do not have to agree with his position or opinion, because it is worth remembering that all people, even the closest ones, are completely different. At the same time, it is still worth sometimes listening to the advice of friends, because sometimes they know you even better than you yourself.
Such communication can enrich you with invaluable experience, open your eyes to your shortcomings, and maybe even to hidden talents that you had not noticed before.
6. You are supported
A good friend will support you in any endeavor if he sees that it makes you truly happy. Your actions may not be to his liking, but if you are truly passionate and your ideas do not harm anyone, a true friend will definitely understand this.
If there is a person next to you whom you truly trust, you can be sure that even a bad streak will not darken your life. After all, as long as such a person is nearby, you are not afraid of thunderstorms or snowfalls, and this must be appreciated.
7. They tell you the truth
True friends will not lie to you if they really value your relationship. Exceptions include questions: “What do I look like?” and “Does this dress make me look fat?” After all, if you feel comfortable in this dress, your friend will not upset you.
However, when it comes to a real lie, a good friend will not be able to fall for it. He will do this with great reluctance and on very rare occasions. Basically, true friends avoid lying because your relationship is important to them.
8. They care about you
People tend to care about loved ones, and friends are no exception. If your best friend doesn't hear from you for a long time, he will definitely worry about you, because you mean a lot to him.
At the same time, it’s worth remembering that sometimes people are busy, sick or just tired, so if a friend doesn’t call you or doesn’t write to you for a while, this doesn’t mean that he has completely forgotten about you.
What is friendship and who are called friends?
According to the definition, the word friendship refers to a trusting relationship that is supported by devotion, mutual trust, sincerity, common views and interests. From the point of view of psychologists, the process of friendship is accompanied by a feeling of love that brothers and sisters feel for each other. In relationships of true friends, the personality of each of them is of paramount importance. There is no place for selfishness and material gain in friendship.
Friends
Making a large number of true friends is almost impossible. Only some people in your social circle can be truly trusted and loved. Even if you want to have as many friends as possible, you will not be able to share their interests and hobbies at the same time. In order to maintain quality friendships, 2-3 friends are enough. It is enough to maintain friendly relations with the rest of the environment.
Signs of a good friend
9. Friends know when you need to be alone.
Every person has periods in life when he wants to retire and be alone with himself. Work, family or health problems can put pressure on a person, and he will want to devote some time only to himself.
True friends understand instantly when the moment comes that requires him to leave you alone for a while. You can be sure that they will be there for you the moment you need it again, and will also understand when you need to unwind.
10. You don't have to always reciprocate.
In true friendship, no one forces anyone to do anything. Your desire to help and support must be sincere. Only then will there be no hypocrisy in friendship, and balance will be maintained for many years.
If you are going through a difficult period in your life, and you are simply not capable of the same emotions as your friends, they will definitely understand this and wait for the moment when you are “on track” again.
11. You can call at any time
Before starting this point, it is worth placing some restrictions on the phrase “at any time.” Undoubtedly, if something extraordinary happened, your friend will not judge you for calling you at night, but, on the contrary, will listen to you and help you.
However, you should not abuse your friendship, because your loved ones are ordinary people who have their own lives and their own needs. You should not call a person at three in the morning or six in the morning without a good reason. If, of course, you really value your friendship.
