And now - quotes
/* Philip Philipich brought Sharik home */
“How did you, Philip Philipovich, manage to lure such a nervous dog?” - Affectionately, affectionately. The only way that is possible in dealing with a living being. Terror can't do anything about it. This is what I have asserted, am asserting, and will continue to assert. They think that terror will help them. No, no, it won't help. Whatever it is - white, red, even brown.
/* Reception with Professor Preobrazhensky. Women are such women... */
―The years are shown incorrectly. Probably 54-55. Heart sounds are muffled. -I ask you to. - Hello, professor. -How old are you, madam? - Oh, professor... If you only knew, professor, I swear what a drama I have. “Years, I’m telling you, how many?” “Honestly... Well, 45.” “Madam, they’re waiting for me.” Please don't delay, you're not alone. “I am yours alone, as a luminary of science.” -How old are you, madam? -That's just terrible. 51.
- Raunchy apartment. But how good. Why the hell did he need me? Will he really let him live? What an eccentric. But if he only blinked an eye, he would get such a dog that he would gasp.
“We’ll explain this owl.”
“We’re coming to you, professor, and this is what we’re talking about.” “It’s a waste of time, gentlemen, for you to walk around without galoshes.” First, you'll catch a cold. And secondly, you will leave a legacy on my carpets. And all my carpets are Persian.
“First of all, we are not gentlemen. -First of all, are you a man or a woman? -What's the difference, comrade? -I am a woman.
“We are the new building management of our house. I am Shvonder, she is Vyazemskaya. Comrade Pestrukhin and Comrade Zharovkin. “Tell me, were you the one who moved into Fyodor Pavlovich Sablin’s apartment?” -Us. - God, the house is gone. What will happen to steam heating? “Are you kidding me, professor?” - Yes, what kind of...
“We are coming to you, professor, on this matter.” We, the management of our building, came to you after a general meeting of the residents of our building, at which the issue of densifying the apartments of the building was raised. -Who stood on whom? Try to express your thoughts more clearly.
“And where should I eat?” -In the bedroom.
“This is some kind of shame...
“If there was a discussion now, I would prove it to Pyotr Alexandrovich... “Excuse me, do you want to open a discussion right now?”
-…I suggest you take several magazines in favor of children in Germany. About fifty dollars a piece. - No, I won’t take it. -But why do you refuse? -Don't want. -You don’t sympathize with the children of Germany? -Sorry. “Oh, do you feel sorry for fifty dollars?” -No. - So why? -Don't want.
“You know, professor, if you weren’t a European luminary and they didn’t stand up for you in the most outrageous way, you should have been arrested. -For what? - And you don’t like the proletariat.
“Don’t tell me, Philip Philipovich, everyone claims that the new one is very decent, 30 degrees.” - And vodka should be at 40 degrees, not 30, that’s the first thing. And secondly, God knows what they threw in there. Can you tell what comes to their mind? -Anything.
“Please note, Ivan Arnoldovich, only landowners who were undercut by the Bolsheviks eat cold appetizers and soup.” A more or less self-respecting person handles hot snacks.
“Food, Ivan Arnoldovich, is a tricky thing. You have to be able to eat. Just imagine that most people don’t know how to eat at all. You need to know not only what to eat, but also when, how, and what to say. And if you care about your digestion, my good advice: ...don’t talk about Bolshevism and medicine at dinner.
- And, God forbid, don’t read Soviet newspapers before lunch. - But there are no others. “Don’t read any of them.” I made 30 observations in my clinic. So what do you think? Those of my patients whom I forced to read Pravda lost weight. Not only that, but also decreased knee reflexes, poor appetite and a depressed state of mind. Yes.
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“The general meeting was held again. -Again? Well, now it’s all gone. The house is missing. Everything will be like clockwork. First, there will be singing every evening, then the pipes in the toilets will freeze, then the steam heating will burst, and so on.
- What does this destruction of yours mean? Old woman with a stick? The witch who broke all the glass and put out all the lamps? It doesn't exist at all, doctor. What do you mean by this word? And this is what it is. When, instead of operating, I start singing in chorus every evening in my apartment, I will be in ruins.
“If, entering the restroom, I start, excuse the expression, urinating past the toilet and Zina and Daria Petrovna do the same, devastation will begin in the restroom. Consequently, the devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads.
“Say counter-revolutionary things, Philip Philipovich. “Oh, nothing dangerous.” No counter-revolution. By the way, here’s another word that I absolutely can’t stand. It is absolutely unknown - what is hidden under it? God knows what.
-Mercy. Don't you need me this evening, Philip Philipovich? - No, thank you. We won't do anything today. First of all, the rabbit died. And, secondly, in the Big “Aida”. I haven’t heard it for a long time, remember the duet? I'll go to the second act.
“How do you manage to do this, Philip Philipovich?” “The one who is in no hurry anywhere succeeds everywhere.” I'm for division of labor, Doctor. Let them sing at the Bolshoi, I will operate. And very good. And no destruction.
- I'm handsome. Perhaps an unknown canine prince. Incognita. It is very possible that my grandmother sinned with the diver. That's why I look, there is a white spot on my face. From where, you ask?
“A collar is like a briefcase. I pulled out the most important dog ticket.
/* It's time to turn the dog into a man
- Profession - playing the balalaika in taverns. The cause of death was a stab in the heart at the Stop Signal pub.
“It’s a pity for the dog, he was good and affectionate.” Although a cunning one.
- So, Timofeevna, you want to give stars to your twin? “Yes, I would like to give them names.” “Well, I suggest these names: ... Barricade, Bebelina, Pestelina...” “No, no, no.” No. It’s better to just call them: Clara and Rose. In honor of Clara Zetkin and Rosa Luxemburg, comrades.
“Professor, a miracle is happening before our eyes. - Do you know what “abyrvalg” is? This is... CHIEF FISH, colleague, only in reverse. This is the CHIEF FISH.
-Get in line, you sons of bitches, get in line!
-Primus. Recognition of America. MOSCOW SEWING. Primus. Beer house. A couple more. Beer house. A couple more.
“Daria Petrovna gave you an abomination, like these boots.” What is this shining nonsense? - Why am I worse than people? Go to Kuznetsky - everyone is in varnish.
“Oh, of course, of course, what kind of comrades we are to you!” Where else? We understand, sir! We did not study at universities. We didn’t live in apartments with 15 rooms and bathrooms. Only now is the time to leave it. Nowadays everyone has their own right.
“Catch fleas with your fingers!” With your fingers! I don’t understand: where do you get them from? “Well, am I breeding them, or what?” Apparently fleas love me.
- Document, Philip Philipovich, I need it. -Document? Damn... Or maybe... somehow... “That’s it, I’m sorry.” You know, a person without documents is strictly prohibited from existing. Firstly, the house committee... “But what does the house committee have to do with it?” “What does this have to do with it?” They meet you and ask: when will you, they say, dear sir, register?
“Your words are quite offensive.”
“Well, what does he say, this lovely little house of yours?” “You’re in vain calling him adorable.” He protects interests. “Whose interests, may I ask?” - It’s known whose. Labor element. - What are you, a hard worker? - Yes, it’s already known that he’s not a Nepman.
“Well, what does he need in defense of your revolutionary interests?” “It is known that you should register me.” They say where has it been seen that a person lives unregistered in Moscow.
“But let me ask you, how can I register you?” You have neither a first nor a last name. - You are unfair. I can choose a name for myself quite easily. I printed the Sabbath in the newspaper. “And what do you want to be called?” ―Polygraph Poligrafovich.
“And your last name, may I ask?” - Last name? I agree to accept the hereditary one. -Namely? - Sharikov.
“Are you going to beat me, dad?” -Idiot.
“What are you, you devil, you’re chasing her all over the apartment!” Put it in the bowl over there. “What’s in the bowl, it’ll come out into the front door.” - Oh, fool. Fool.
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-What a harmful animal. “Who do you mean, may I ask you?” - I mean the cat. Such a bastard.
“I’ll drink some vodka.” “Won’t it be for you?”
“It’s all like at a parade.” A napkin here, a tie here. Yes, “sorry”, yes, “please-mercy.” And so that for real. - it's not. You are torturing yourself, just like during the tsarist regime. -How is this “for real”, may I ask? - I wish it all.
“This, what’s his name, correspondence between Engels and what’s his name the devil... with Kautsky.” “Let me know what you can say about what you read?” - Yes, I don’t agree. - What, with Engels or with Kautsky? -With both.
- Yes, and what can you offer for your part? - What can I offer here? And then they write and write... Congress, some Germans. My head is swelling! Take everything and divide it.
“Who killed Madame Polasukher’s cat, who?” “You, Sharikov, bit a lady on the stairs the other day.” “Yes, she slapped me in the face!” I don’t have a breech face! “Because you pinched her breasts!”
“Doctor, for God’s sake, go to the circus with him.” Just look in the program - there are no cats? “And how is such a bastard allowed into the circus?”
“Ivan Arnoldovich, I humbly ask you not to offer beer to Sharikov.”
“However, you should not think that there is some kind of witchcraft or miracle here. Nothing like this! Because there are no miracles. As our professor Preobrazhensky proved it. Everything is built on the forces of nature with the permission of the local committee and the cultural and educational commission.
- I'm not a master. Gentlemen, everyone is in Paris.
“Besides, I won’t go for it.” -But why? “But you are not a world-class figure.” - Well, where else? -So. But to leave a colleague in the event of a disaster, and to go out on a global scale, I’m sorry. I am a Moscow student, not Sharikov.
“I spent 5 years picking out appendages from brains. You know what a colossal job he did. It's mind boggling! And the question is, why? To one day turn the sweetest dog into such scum that his hair stands on end? - Something exceptional. - I completely agree with you.
“Keep in mind, Egorovna, if you burn parquet in the stove, I’ll evict everyone.” All.
- Moreover, your Sharikov is a scoundrel. Yesterday he took 7 rubles from the house committee to buy textbooks. Dog!
“Let me ask you: why do you smell so disgusting?” - Well, it smells. Known by specialty. Yesterday cats were strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled...
“But excuse me, how did he serve in the cleanup?” “I didn’t appoint him there.” Mr. Shvonder gave him a recommendation. If I'm not mistaken.
-Atavism. -Atavism? And... “Don’t use indecent words!”
“I was so lucky, so lucky—simply indescribably lucky.” I established myself in this apartment. I am absolutely sure that there is something unclean in my origin. There is a diver here. My grandmother was a slut, may the old lady rest in heaven.
Phrases from the movie “Heart of a Dog”
The article includes quotes and phrases from the film “Heart of a Dog”:
I am sitting here on sixteen arshins and will continue to sit!
“There is no doubt that this is his illegitimate, as they put it in rotten bourgeois society, son. This is how our pseudo-scientific bourgeoisie amuses itself! Each person knows how to occupy seven rooms until the shining sword of justice flashes a red ray over him.”
Eh, speak, Moscow - speak, Russia!
What does this “ruin” of yours mean? Old woman with a stick? The witch who broke all the glass and put out all the lamps? It doesn't exist at all, doctor. What do you mean by this word, huh? And this is this: when, instead of operating every evening, I start singing in chorus in the apartment, I will be devastated. If, entering the restroom, I start, excuse the expression, urinating past the toilet and Zina and Daria Petrovna do the same, devastation will begin in my restroom. Consequently, the devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads.
Bormental: And I will personally lower Shvonder down the stairs if he appears in Professor Preobrazhensky’s apartment again!
Sharikov: Get off, you nit!
Is this some kind of... shame?..
Here. A member of a housing association, and I am definitely entitled to an area of sixteen square arshins in apartment number 5 from the responsible tenant Preobrazhensky. You are welcome.
Sharik: I'm handsome! It is very possible that my grandmother sinned with the diver.
Where will I eat?
Clean as in a tram!
Daria, it's a young thing!
Filipich, tell him!
Make a mysterious face, fool!
Those who are not in a hurry succeed everywhere.
Your words are quite offensive - very offensive... What am I - a convict? How is it to “wander around”?
Theater is fooling around... They talk and talk... There is only one counter-revolution.
Please note, Ivan Arnoldych: only landowners who were undercut by the Bolsheviks eat cold appetizers and soup. A more or less self-respecting person handles hot snacks.
A person without documents is strictly prohibited from existing!
What is there to offer? And then they write, write... Congress, some Germans... My head swells. Take everything and share it!
Take off your pants!
I wish everything!!!
And why is it still necessary to still lock the galoshes and stick a soldier to them so that someone doesn’t steal them?
Professor... his tail fell off!
Who told the patient: “The dog knows him!”?
Preobrazhensky: Don't spit on the floor!
Maybe Zinka took it?
An obscene apartment... But how good it is!..
We know about his works! They wanted to leave as many as five rooms!
It is very possible that Isadora Duncan does just that. Maybe she's having lunch in her office and cutting up rabbits in the bathroom. May be. But I'm not Isadora Duncan!
No, I’ll shoot this Shvonder in the end.
An ordinary servant, and the force is like that of a commissar.
But you can’t do this - with the first person you meet... just because of your official position...
A knife in the heart??! Great!
Oh, 25 years, I swear to God, nothing like that. The last time was in Paris, on the Rue de la Pere... Y-s!
Will I really eat the Council of the National Economy if I rummage through the trash?
Oooooh! Fuck you, professor!! Come here and have a drink with us!
We won’t do anything today: firstly, the rabbit is dead, and secondly, “Aida” is at the Bolshoi. Oh, I’ll go to the second act!
A collar is like a briefcase...
We didn't study at universities!
Why was the carpet removed from the main staircase? Mm? What, Karl Marx forbids carpets on stairs? Somewhere in Karl Marx it is said that the second entrance of the house on Prechistenka needs to be boarded up, and you need to walk around, around, through the back entrance? Who needs it?
Who killed Madame Polasukher's cat?!!
Primus! Recognition of America! Moscow seamstress! Primus! Beer house! A couple more! Beer house! A couple more! Beer house! A couple more! Beer house! A couple more! Moscow seamstress! Moscow seamstress! Beer house! A couple more! Bourgeois! Bourgeois! Don't push, you scoundrel, get off the bandwagon! I'll show you, motherfucker!
Truly I tell you: on May 4, 1925, the earth will fly... onto the celestial axis!
Elephants are useful animals.
This means that when these baritones shout: “Down with destruction!” - I am laughing. By God, I find it funny! This means that each of them must hit themselves in the back of the head! And when he knocks all these, you know, hallucinations out of himself and starts cleaning the barns - his direct business - the devastation will disappear by itself. You cannot serve two gods, dear doctor.
Sleeping on beds is cancelled.
It’s quite strange, professor, how you call the documents idiotic!
They themselves will have revolvers!..
What a harmful animal! I'm talking about the cat. Such a bastard...
They grabbed the animal, slashed its head with a knife, and now they abhor it.
Janitors are the most vile scum of all proletarians.
Sharik: My grandmother was a slut, may the old lady rest in heaven.
Yesterday cats were strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled...
Sharikov: Give me a cigarette, your trousers have stripes!
Get in line, you sons of bitches, get in line!
Shvonder: I ask that these words be entered into the protocol!!..
Abyr-abyr... abyrvalg!
This is our typist, she will live with me. Bormenthal will have to be evicted from the reception area. He has his own apartment.
...at my own peril and risk I will feed him arsenic. I don’t care that dad is a forensic investigator!
I, madam, will insert the ovaries of... a monkey.
“Nowhere else but...” will you get such poison as “... in Mosselprom!”
The selection contains phrases and quotes from the film “Heart of a Dog,” which is an adaptation of the story of the same name by Mikhail Bulgakov. The first show took place on November 20, 1988 on the USSR Central Television.
And what’s interesting is...
The film, of course, turned out great
Received a bunch of different awards. His images of Professor Preobrazhensky and Sharikov became classic and sunk into people's memory.
And the human metamorphoses of the film’s director, Vladimir Bortko, are amazing.
The fact that he was a member of the CPSU from 1983 to 1991 is understandable. Career and all that.
But how the man who directed “Heart of a Dog” joined the Communist Party of the Russian Federation in 2007 is more difficult to understand. This is such a dramatic mystery.
Natalya Fomenko (in the frame on the right) in the film “Heart of a Dog”
- We’ll leave now, but I, as the head of the cultural department of our house... - Head. — Manager... I suggest you take several magazines for the benefit of children in Germany. - About fifty dollars a piece...
Video: Don't you sympathize with the children of Germany?
No, I won't take it. - But why do you refuse? - Don't want. —You don’t sympathize with the children of Germany? - Sorry. - Oh, do you feel sorry for fifty dollars? - No. - So why? - Don't want…
What a bastard. And also a proletarian...
Will I really eat the Council of the National Economy if I rummage through the trash?..
God, how hungry I am...
Eh, you are our share, We returned from the field, And the unfinished class is walking around. Eh, tell me, uncle, for the sake of the people, no opposition will leave us. Chu-chu-chu, hooves are knocking, hooves are knocking, Chu-chu-chu, the machine gun hit. The White Guard is completely defeated, But no one will defeat the Red Army!
Janitors... Of all the proletarians, they are the most vile scum... and cinema is the only consolation in life for women...
Did they hit you on the butt with a boot? Did you get hit in the ribs with a brick?
The distance of my career is visible to me quite clearly...
How did you, Philip Philipovich, manage to lure such a nervous dog? - Caress, caress... The only way that is possible in dealing with a living being...
Terror can't do anything about it. This is what I have asserted, am asserting, and will continue to assert.
In no case! This is poison for the human stomach! (Philip Filipich about sausage)
Take off your pants...
If you knew, professor, I swear what a drama I have.
He can't miss a single vile milliner! (Lady at Preobrazhensky's reception)
I will insert monkey ovaries into you, madam...
First of all, we are not gentlemen... - First of all, are you a man or a woman?
What's the difference, comrade? - I am a woman…
- We, the management of our building, came to you after a general meeting of the residents of our building, at which the issue of densifying the apartments of the building was raised... - Excuse me, who stood on whom?..
No one in Moscow has canteens. Even Isadora Duncan... It is very possible that Isadora Duncan... is having lunch in her office and cutting up rabbits in the bathroom. May be. But I'm not Isadora Duncan.
Now four people came in to see me. Among them is one woman dressed as a man and two men armed with revolvers. And they terrorized me!
Whatever, whatever, whenever, but so that it is... the final piece of paper. Factual! Real! Armor! So that my name is not even mentioned! I died for them!
This is kind of a shame...
If there was a discussion now, I would prove to Pyotr Alexandrovich...
Excuse me, do you want to open a discussion right now?..
I understand your irony, professor...
- You should be arrested. - For what? - And you don’t like the proletariat. - Yes, I don’t like the proletariat...
And listen to my good advice, pour not English but ordinary Russian vodka...
vodka should be at 40 degrees, not 30, this is the first thing. And secondly, God knows what they threw in there...
If you tell me, this is bad, you are my blood enemy for life... Is this bad? Badly? Answer, dear doctor!..
This is incredible!
Please note, Ivan Arnoldovich, only landowners who were not killed by the Bolsheviks eat cold appetizers and soup...
A more or less self-respecting person handles hot snacks...
- Food, Ivan Arnoldovich, is a tricky thing. You have to be able to eat... if you care about your digestion, my good advice: ... don’t talk about Bolshevism and medicine at dinner... And, God save you, don’t read Soviet newspapers before lunch!.. - But there are no others! - Don’t read any! Those of my patients whom I forced to read Pravda lost weight!..
The harsh years are passing, The struggle for the freedom of the country, Others are coming after them, They will be difficult too...
First, there will be singing every evening, then the pipes in the toilets will freeze, then the steam heating will burst, and so on...
But I ask why this, when did it start
And why is it necessary to still lock the galoshes and assign a soldier to them so that no one steals them?..
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What, Karl Marx forbids having carpets on the stairs?..
Who needs it? And why is it that the proletarian cannot take off his dirty galoshes downstairs, but stains the marble?
Why did the electricity, God forbid, go out twice over the course of 20 years, but now it neatly goes out twice a day?..
Devastation, Philip Philipovich. - What does this destruction of yours mean? An old woman with a stick?.. A witch who knocked out all the windows and put out all the lamps? What do you mean by this word? And this is what it is. When, instead of operating, I start singing in chorus every evening in the apartment, devastation will set in. If, when I enter the restroom, I begin, excuse the expression, to urinate past the toilet and Zina and Daria Petrovna will do the same - in the restroom will begin to devastate... Consequently, the devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads!.. This means that when these baritones shout “down with devastation!” - I laugh!.. And when he knocks all these hallucinations out of himself and starts cleaning the sheds, the devastation will disappear by itself!..
You cannot serve two gods, dear doctor. It is impossible to sweep tram tracks and arrange the fate of some foreign ragamuffins at the same time...
There is no counter-revolution in my words. They have common sense and life experience...
Those who are not in a hurry succeed everywhere...
I'm handsome. Perhaps an unknown canine prince. Incognita. It is very possible that my grandmother sinned with a diver... That’s why I see a white spot on my face. Where do you ask?
There is no need to tear anyone down, remember this once and for all...
You can act on humans and animals only by suggestion...
Killed - Klim Grigorievich Chugunkin, 25 years old, single, non-party, sympathizer... Tried 3 times and acquitted. The first time, due to a lack of evidence, the second time was saved by origin. The third time - conditional hard labor for 15 years.
Profession - playing the balalaika in taverns... so you want to make your children famous?..
Well, I propose the following names: ...Barricade, Bebelina, Pestelina... It’s better to simply call them: Clara and Rosa. In honor of Clara Zetkin and Rosa Luxemburg, comrades.
Red thunderstorms rushed by, Victory is all around, Wipe away the harsh tears, With a sleeve pierced in battle...
Under chloroform anesthesia, the testicular glands and pituitary gland of the dog were removed and instead the glands and pituitary gland taken from the deceased man were transplanted...
Barking, instead of the word woof-woof, resembles a groan, and is vaguely similar to the sounds A and Y...
Do you know what abyrvalg is? This is... CHIEF FISH, colleague, only the other way around...
Professor, his tail fell off!..
Primus. Recognition of America. MOSCOW SEWING. Primus. Beer house. A couple more. Beer. A couple more. Beer house. A couple more. Beer house. A couple more. MOSCOW SEWING, MOSCOW SEWING. Beer house. A couple more. Bourgeois, bourgeois.
Don't push, you scoundrel, get off the bandwagon. I'll show you, motherfucker!
MOSCOW SEWING. I'll show you, your mother!..
Get in line, sons of bitches, get in line!..
Give me a cigarette, your trousers have stripes!..
Don't spit on the floor. Get off, you bastard!..
Professor, Sharik will develop into an extremely high mental personality!..
Eats human food, started smoking...
Eh, speak Moscow, speak Russia!..
Eh, apple, you are my ripe one, But a young lady is coming, her skin is white, The skin is white, and the fur coat is valuable, If you give me something, you will be whole, Eh, an apple, and with blueberries, Come, bourgeois, I’ll gouge out an eye, I’ll gouge out an eye, there will be another left , So you can see, it’s shit, who to bow to!..
What kind of crap is this? I'm talking about a tie. What is “nasty”? Gorgeous tie...
An ordinary servant, but a force like that of a commissar...
This is all Zinka is telling lies...
So that's it. Do not throw cigarette butts, do not spit, handle the urinal carefully...
Who told the patient: ...The dog knows him?
Somehow you are painfully oppressing me, dad...
Why don’t you all: don’t give a damn, don’t smoke, don’t go there... It’s clean, like on a tram. Why are you not letting me live?
Why do you keep reproaching: garbage, garbage! Maybe I was getting my piece of bread!..
I'm not your friend! And, of course, of course, what kind of comrades we are to you! Where else? We understand, sir!..
Nowadays everyone has their right!..
Catch fleas with your fingers! With your fingers! I don’t understand: where do you get them from?...
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Well, am I breeding them, or what? Apparently fleas love me...
But there is no time to cry, to cry when, We will replace the stirrup with steel, with the steel of labor, There is one answer to all questions, one answer, And there is no other.
Document, Philip Philipovich, I need... you know, a person without documents is strictly forbidden to exist.
Your words are quite offensive. Very offensive...
Well, what is he saying, this lovely little house of yours? You are wrong to call him adorable!
And what do you want to be called? Polygraph Poligrafovich...
There's something I don't understand. I can’t give a damn about my mother, I can’t give a damn. And all I hear from you is: “Fool, fool.” Apparently only professors are allowed to swear in ReSeFeSeRe, huh?
Write your ID, citizen professor. That so, they say, and so the bearer of this, indeed, is Sharikov Poligraf Poligrafovich...
I’ll register, but fighting will be a breeze!..
Yes, the damned cat broke the lamp...
I am from Pskov, a wanderer. I came to see the talking dog...
Are you going to hit me, dad?
What a harmful animal. - Who do you mean, may I ask you? - I mean the cat. Such a bastard!..
I have not seen a more impudent creature than you!..
Almost lost my eyes. What a bitch, huh?..
That's it, that's it. Yes, I wish I could hit him in the ear!..
Spirit of the Emperor, tell me, how long will the Bolsheviks last in power?..
Zina, take the plate from Sharikov. - How do you mean “accept”?..
I'll drink some vodka. —Won’t it be for you?..
You, Sharikov, are talking nonsense. And the most outrageous thing is that you say it categorically and confidently!..
This is not how you should pour it. First offer it to Philip Philipovich, then to me, and finally to yourself...
Here everything is like at a parade... A napkin goes here, a tie goes here. Yes, “excuse me”, yes, “please-mercy”... But in a way that’s real, it’s not... You’re torturing yourself, just like during the tsarist regime...
I wish that everything!..
I'll drink some more vodka...
Hiccupping at the table takes away the appetite of others...
Why, in fact, don’t you like the theater? Yes, fooling around. They talk and talk... There is only one counter-revolution...
You should read something, otherwise you know... - I’m already reading, reading!..
So what are you reading? This... what's her name, correspondence between Engels and this... What the hell?.. with Kautsky!...
Yes, I don’t agree! - What, with Engels or with Kautsky? - With both!
Yes, and what can you offer for your part? - What is there to offer? And then they write and write... Congress, some Germans. My head is swelling! Take everything and share it!..
Who killed Madame Polasukher's cat, who?
You, Sharikov, bit a lady on the stairs the other day...
Yes, she slapped me in the face! I don’t have a government face!..
You are still an emerging, mentally weak being. All your actions are bestial. And you, in the presence of two people with a university education, allow yourself to give advice on a cosmic scale and cosmic stupidity about how to divide everything!..
Shvonder gave me permission to develop...
I see how you are developing after Kautsky...
Correspondence, as they say, between Engels and this... devil... Into the oven!..
Doctor, for God's sake, go to the circus with him. Just look in the program - there are no cats?..
And how is such a bastard allowed into the circus?..
What do you say about elephants, dear Sharikov? Well, I don’t understand, or what? A cat is another matter... Elephants are useful animals...
Ivan Arnoldovich, I humbly ask you not to offer beer to Sharikov...
Make a mysterious face, fool!..
Everything is built on the forces of nature with the permission of the local committee and the cultural and educational commission! And it represents vitallopathy based on the teachings of Indian yogis oppressed by British imperialism!..
What is the most important event in my life? — The most important event in your life is ahead of you!..
I'm not a master. Gentlemen, everyone is in Paris.
Well, yes, I’m such a fool to move out of here!..
Here, I am a member of a housing association, and I am definitely entitled to a living space of 16 square arshins from the responsible tenant Preobrazhensky. Please...
Keep in mind, if you allow yourself this kind of brazen behavior again, I will deprive you of lunch and food in general in my house!..
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I cannot remain without food. Where will I eat?.. - So behave yourself decently...
Oh, fuck your mother, professor! Come here, have a drink with us!..
They are good. They will spend the night with me!..
Bormental himself must be handed over to the 45th police station. He lives with you without registration...
Why is it necessary to artificially fabricate a person when any woman can give birth to him at any time!
Klim Chugunkin. 2 criminal records, alcoholism, “divide everything,” a boor and a pig. Yes!..
If you don’t want to, then I will feed him arsenic at my own risk!..
Never commit a crime, no matter who it is directed against...
Yes, if this Shvonder still processes it, what will come of it?..
So, this Shvonder is the biggest fool!
The horror is that he no longer has a dog’s heart, but a human heart. And the lousiest thing of all that exists in nature...
Daria, it’s a young thing...
Bormental, let me go! Where? I'll go myself!..
Filipich, tell him!..
I, Philip Philipovich, have accepted the position...
“The bearer of this, Comrade Sharikov Poligraf Poligrafovich, is indeed the head of the subdepartment for cleaning the city of Moscow from stray animals (cats and others) in the MKH department”...
Let me ask you: why do you smell so disgusting? - Well, it smells. It is known by specialty...
Yesterday cats were strangled, strangled, strangled, strangled. They choked, choked, choked, choked...
Well, repeat: “Excuse me, dear Daria Petrovna and Zinaida.. - What is your middle name? - Prokofievna. ...Prokofievna, for my drunken behavior at night”...
Listen, what are you doing with these dead cats? They'll go to the polls. They will turn them into protein for work credit...
Bormental needs to be evicted from the reception area, he has his own apartment...
He said that he was wounded in battle...
He threatened, said that the red commander...
He said you will live with me in a luxurious apartment. Every day pineapples...
My psyche, he says, is good. I just hate cats...
Why do you have a scar on your forehead, take the trouble to explain to this lady. - I was wounded on the Kolchak fronts!..
I'll make you redundant tomorrow!
They themselves will have revolvers...
And you know, Poligrafych, where they are hiding. - I can feel them in my heart...
“...And also threatened to kill the chairman of the house committee, Comrade Shvonder.”
And even Engels ordered his social servant Zinaida Prokofyevna Bunina to be burned in the stove”...
What is it really? Why can't I find any justice for you? I am sitting here on 16 arshins and will continue to sit!
Get out of the apartment. -Wow! Don't interfere, Bormental!..
Where is the cleaning supervisor? — I am the chairman of the Shvonder house committee. -Who the hell knows where your cleaning boss is. We’ve been waiting for him for the third day...
Dr. Bormental, please present Sharik to the investigator.
But excuse me, how did he serve in cleaning? - I didn’t appoint him there...
It is he? - He is. Only, the bastard, he grew bigger again...
Do not use indecent words!..
Valerian for him. This is fainting...
And I will personally lower Shvonder down the stairs... if he appears in Professor Preobrazhensky’s apartment again...
I ask that these words be entered into the protocol.
I was so lucky, so lucky—simply indescribably lucky. I established myself in this apartment. I am absolutely sure that there is something unclean in my origin. There is a diver here. My grandmother was a slut, may the old lady rest in heaven...
True, for some reason they cut my head all over, but it will heal before the wedding. We have nothing to look at...
05.01.2013 10:53
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Did Professor Preobazhensky have a prototype?
It turns out he was. The prototype of Preobrazhensky was the surgeon Sergei Voronov.
Russian by origin, he moved to France in 1907 and received citizenship. To restore youth to patients, he transplanted gonads from primate monkeys (or rather, a thin section of the gland) to human testicles. It was assumed that they would take root there and begin to produce new hormones that would rejuvenate the entire body.
At first the results were excellent. Patients became rejuvenated, sexual activity and sexual desire were restored, memory and vision even seemed to improve. But a few years after successful operations, patients began to die (naturally, they were all quite elderly). The results may have been due to a placebo effect.
In general, they began to call him a charlatan, and even agreed that it was his experiments on monkeys that became the cause of AIDS.
But recently the opinion has changed again. His work and research are once again vindicated. Well, no one ever argued that he was a great surgeon.
Sergei Voronov was a brilliant surgeon and thinker. Just a little ahead of its time. And his work lives on. Now hormones, Viagra, cosmetic surgery, etc. work for the benefit of rejuvenation. It's only the beginning…
What do quotes from the movie “Heart of a Dog” teach us?
Vodka should definitely be at 40 degrees, not 30.
This was proven by our professor Dmitry Ivanovich Mendeleev. And there is no miracle here. Everything is built on the forces of nature with the permission of the local committee and the cultural and educational commission.
And only the landowners who were undercut by the Bolsheviks eat cold appetizers and soup. A more or less self-respecting person handles hot snacks.
Heart of a DogText
“Philip Philippovich is killing himself,” Zina remarked, smiling, and carried away a pile of plates. “But how can you not kill yourself?” - Philip Philipovich screamed. - What a house it was! You understand! “You look at things too gloomily, Philip Philipovich,” objected the handsome man, “they have now changed dramatically.” - Darling, you know me! Is not it? I am a man of facts, a man of observation. I am an enemy of unfounded hypotheses. And this is very well known not only in Russia, but also in Europe. If I say something, it means that there is some underlying fact from which I draw a conclusion. And here’s a fact: a hanger and a galosh rack in our house. - This is interesting... “Nonsense - galoshes. Happiness is not in galoshes,” the dog thought, “but an outstanding personality.” - Would you like a shoe stand? I have lived in this house since 1903. And so, during the time until March 1917, there was not a single case - I underline “not a single one” with a red pencil! - so that at least one pair of galoshes would disappear from our front door downstairs with the common door unlocked. Please note, there are twelve apartments here, I have a reception. One fine day in March 1917, all the galoshes disappeared, including two pairs of mine, three sticks, a coat and the doorman’s samovar. And since then the galosh stand has ceased to exist. Darling! I'm not even talking about steam heating. I do not speak. Let it be: since there is a social revolution, there is no need to drown it. So I say: why, when this whole story began, did everyone start walking up the marble stairs in dirty galoshes and felt boots? Why do galoshes still need to be locked and a soldier assigned to them so that someone doesn’t steal them? Why was the carpet removed from the main staircase? Does Karl Marx prohibit carpets on stairs? Somewhere in Karl Marx it is said that the second entrance of the Kalabukhovsky house on Prechistenka should be boarded up and walked around through the back yard? Who needs it? Why can’t the proletarian leave his galoshes downstairs, but dirty the marble? “But, Philip Philipovich, he doesn’t have galoshes at all...” the man who had been bitten stuttered. - Nothing like this! - Philip Philipovich answered in a thunderous voice and poured a glass of wine. - Hm... I don’t like liqueurs after dinner, they are heavy and have a bad effect on the liver... Nothing of the kind! He now has galoshes, and these galoshes... are mine! These are exactly the same galoshes that disappeared in the spring of 1917. The question is, who beat them? I? Can't be. Bourgeois Shablin? (Philip Philipovich pointed his finger at the ceiling.) It’s ridiculous to even imagine. Sugar manufacturer Polozov? (Philip Philipovich pointed to the side). In no case! Yes, sir! But at least they filmed them on the stairs! (Philip Philipovich began to turn purple.) Why the hell did they remove the flowers from the grounds? Why does electricity, which, God forbid, went out twice in twenty years, now neatly goes out once a month? Doctor Bormenthal! Statistics are a cruel thing, as you, who are familiar with my latest work, know this better than anyone else. - Devastation, Philip Philipovich! “No,” Philip Philipovich objected quite confidently, “no.” You are the first, dear Ivan Arnoldovich, to refrain from using this very word. This is a mirage, smoke, fiction. - Philip Philipovich spread his short fingers wide, causing two shadows, like turtles, to fidget on the tablecloth. - What is this “ruin” of yours? Old woman with a stick? The witch who broke all the windows and put out all the lamps? Yes, it doesn’t exist at all! What do you mean by this word? - Philip Philipovich furiously asked the unfortunate wooden duck hanging upside down next to the sideboard, and he himself answered for her: - This is what: if I, instead of operating, start singing in chorus every evening in my apartment, I will have there will be devastation. If, while visiting the restroom, I start, excuse me for the expression, urinating past the toilet and Zina and Daria Petrovna do the same, devastation will begin in the restroom. Consequently, the devastation is not in the closets, but in the heads. It starts when these baritones shout “Beat the destruction!” - I am laughing. (Philip Philipovich’s face contorted so that the one who had been bitten opened his mouth.) I swear to you, I’m laughing! This means that each of them must hit themselves in the back of the head! And so, when he hatches all sorts of hallucinations from himself and starts cleaning the barns - his direct business, the devastation will disappear by itself. You cannot serve two gods! It is impossible to sweep the tram tracks and arrange the fate of some Spanish ragamuffins at the same time! No one succeeds in this, doctor, and especially not people who, in general, are two hundred years behind the development of Europeans, are still not quite confident in buttoning their own pants! Philip Philipovich became excited, his hawk nostrils flared. Having gained strength after a hearty lunch, he thundered like an ancient prophet, and his head sparkled with silver.
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... - I still won’t let you eat until you lay it down. Zina, take some mayonnaise from Sharikov.
- How do you “accept” this? - Sharikov was upset, - I’ll pawn it now.
With his left hand he shielded the dish from Zina, and with his right hand he stuffed a napkin into his collar and looked like a client in a hairdresser's.
“And a fork, please,” Bormental added.
Sharikov took a long breath and began catching pieces of sturgeon in the thick sauce.
— Shall I drink some more vodka? - he stated questioningly.
- Wouldn’t it be for you? - Bormental inquired, - you've been leaning too much on vodka lately.
-Are you sorry? - Sharikov inquired and looked from under his brows.
“You’re talking nonsense...” the stern Philip Philipovich intervened, but Bormental interrupted him.
- Don’t worry, Philip Philipovich, I’ll do it myself. You, Sharikov, are talking nonsense and the most outrageous thing is that you say it categorically and confidently. Of course, I don’t feel sorry for the vodka, especially since it’s not mine, but Philip Philipovich’s. It's just harmful. This is one thing, and secondly, you behave indecently even without vodka.
Bormenthal pointed to the taped-up sideboard.
“Zinusha, please give me some more fish,” said the professor.
Sharikov, meanwhile, reached for the decanter and, glancing sideways at Bormental, poured a glass.
“And we must offer it to others,” said Bormental, “and so: first to Philip Philipovich, then to me, and finally to myself.”
A barely noticeable satirical smile touched Sharikov’s mouth, and he poured vodka into glasses.
“It’s all like on parade,” he said, “a napkin here, a tie here, and “excuse me,” and “please-mercy,” but in a way that’s real, that’s not the case. You are torturing yourself, like in the royal regime.
- How is this “for real”? - let me ask.
Sharikov did not answer Philip Philipovich, but raised his hand and said:
- Well, I wish that everyone...
“And the same for you,” Bormetal responded with some irony...
...Zina brought in the turkey. Bormenthal poured red wine for Philip Philipovich and offered it to Sharikov.
- I don't want. I'd rather drink vodka. “His face became oily, sweat appeared on his forehead, and he became cheerful. And Philip Philipovich became somewhat better after the wine. His eyes cleared up, he looked more favorably at Sharikov, whose black head shone in the napkin like a fly in sour cream...
“Going to the circus every day,” Philip Philipovich remarked complacently, “it’s quite boring, in my opinion.” If I were you, I would go to the theater at least once.
“I’m not going to the theater,” Sharikov responded with hostility and twisted his mouth.
“Hiccupping at the table takes away the appetite of others,” Bormenthal reported automatically. - Excuse me... Why, exactly, don’t you like the theater?
Zina carried away the red-haired woman on the right and the ruddy woman on the left and the coffee pot on a round platter.
“I won’t eat it,” Sharikov immediately declared in a threatening and hostile manner.
- Nobody invites you. Behave yourself decently.
- Doctor, please.
Lunch ended in silence.
Sharikov pulled a crumpled cigarette out of his pocket and started smoking. After taking a bite of coffee, Philip Philipovich looked at his watch, pressed the repeater and it played gently at eight and a quarter. Philip Philipovich leaned back as usual on the gothic backrest and reached for the newspaper on the table.
