Words of grief for the deceased - words of grief for relatives

What to say on an anniversary or 40 days from the date of death

Funerals are collected for a reason. Their goal is to mention the best, most worthy qualities of a person, to help his soul get into heaven. If you don’t do this, don’t pray for the soul and don’t remember it, it will be incredibly difficult for a person to reach better places. To help him they say:

about the best character traits of the deceased (he was kind, sympathetic, always ready to help);
about life, about what a good person has done (built a house for children, raised them, gave them a good education);
about his achievements in the professional field (perhaps the deceased managed to make a scientific discovery, rose from the very bottom to a good position, managing to maintain good relations with others).

If you can’t say words of memory on the anniversary of your death in 1 year, there were too many bad things, it’s better to remain silent and remember him in silence. If the date of birth and death coincide, then Happy Birthday is said to the deceased as if he were alive.

Words for funeral rites

We have all heard the notorious “They either say good things about the dead or nothing” . But this well-established phrase also has a continuation “... except for the truth.” You need to talk about a deceased person on the day of his funeral sincerely, from the bottom of your heart. Remember the good things he has done in life, his achievements and merits. Pay tribute to his positive character traits.

But, if some qualities were not inherent in the deceased, then you should not once again prevaricate and emphasize them. It is better to emphasize his true merits and virtues in his speech. There is a lot of good things to say about each person to his loved ones, so that as many bright but true memories as possible remain in his memory.

Everyone can speak about their deceased family members, and the words will come from the depths of the soul, without any preparation. But what if you need to attend the funeral of a not very close friend, but you have to give a speech? In such a situation, it is not forbidden to write down the prepared text in advance. But it is advisable to read it several times before the funeral and try to remember it.

As a last resort, you can read the words from the piece of paper during the funeral process. But only if the speech turns out to be truly sublime, long and penetrating to the soul. Reading three lines of simple sentences from a piece of paper looks disrespectful from the outside; it is better to learn them by heart.

What do they tell the relatives of the deceased?

If a person is going to express his condolences, then he must take into account who he is related to the deceased:

Relative . In this case, even if the relationship is distant, you can focus on your emotions. A good phrase would be: “Please accept my condolences! When I found out about [Name]’s death, I couldn’t find a place for myself out of grief”;
Friend . Here it is suitable to designate your close and trusting relationship with the deceased, for example: “I sincerely sympathize with you! I knew [Name] for many years, he was like a brother to me”;
Colleague . It is best to use neutral, formal phrases: “My condolences! My colleagues and I share the grief of your loss.”

You can also express condolences to relatives using one of these phrases :

Everyone who knew him is grieving now, because such a tragedy cannot leave anyone indifferent. I understand how difficult it is for you right now. I will never be able to forget him and I assure you that I will support you in every possible way, should you contact me.
Our family mourns with you. The loss of such reliable support in life is irreparable. Always remember that we would be honored to help you any minute you need it.
Today everyone who knew him mourns with you. This tragedy does not leave anyone close to us indifferent. I will never forget him, and I consider it my duty to him to support you on any occasion, as soon as you turn to me.
It is difficult to express in words how much we sympathize with your loss! It hurts to even think about it, and it's so hard to talk about. He was a golden man, of which there are few! We will always remember him!
He/she meant a lot to me and to you, I mourn with you. Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth. Unfortunately, in this imperfect world we have to experience this. He was a bright man whom we loved. You can count on me at any moment.
I sincerely sympathize with you... What a man he was, he meant a lot to all of us... He deserves more words than can be said now. In my memories of the deceased, he is both our teacher of justice and a mentor in life. Eternal memory to him!
This is a real tragedy, I am very hurt at this hour. But it’s hardest for you! Love will not die, and the memory of him (her) will always illuminate our hearts! I know this is a hard blow for you and I mourn your loss. If I can help you with anything, please contact me!
I would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it is difficult to imagine whether such words exist on earth at all. Bright and eternal memory!
This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, it affected you the most. Please accept my sincere condolences. Always ready to help you in any difficult situation.
Your shock from the onset of grief is a severe shock. But you have the strength to overcome grief and continue what he did not manage to do. We are nearby and we will help with everything - contact us! This is our duty to remember the deceased!
I want to offer my sincere condolences to all of you. A wonderful man has passed away. My condolences at this sad and difficult moment. He meant a lot to me, I mourn with you...
I sympathize and sympathize with your loss - this loss is irreparable. Intelligence, iron will, honesty and justice... - these are not all his qualities. We would like to ask him for forgiveness for so many things, but it’s too late... Eternal memory to a great man!
I was simply overwhelmed by this terrible news. It's all like a bad dream. It is difficult to express our grief in words - it is too great. Let the kindest memories and bright memories of her be at least a small consolation!
I express my sincere sympathy to you and I can say that the only thing that can help you get over your loss is your memories. He/she will always be remembered as a hardworking, intelligent and loving person. I wish you to find solace in your family and friends. My deepest condolences.
The news of his departure came as a shock to us. We can only guess what a blow this was for you. At such moments we feel abandoned, but remember that you have relatives and friends who loved and appreciated him. Always count on our help...
I am truly sorry for your loss. This is a very sad and sad time for you. But good memories are what will help you survive this loss. He lived a long and colorful life and achieved success and respect in it. We also join in our friends’ words of grief and memories of him.
She/he was a model of delicacy and tact. Her/his memory will be as endless as her/his kindness to all of us. The passing of a loved one is an incomparable grief. Please accept my deepest condolences!
Sincere condolences to you, I share your grief. It is very difficult to lose your loved ones, family and friends, and it is doubly worse if the young, beautiful and talented leave us. May God rest his soul.
It is impossible to find such words of support to ease your pain even a little. One can only imagine how difficult it is for you right now. Please accept our sincere condolences on the death of your loved one.
My condolences, unfortunately, in this imperfect world you have to experience this. He was a bright man whom we all loved. I cannot find words to express my sorrow to you. It is very difficult to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. You can always count on me and my help.
Please accept my most sincere condolences. For all of us, he will remain an example of love of life. We mourn with you in this difficult moment and will remember him forever!
My condolences! The death of a loved one is the loss of a part of yourself. Hold on, these are the most difficult days, it will be easier later... We mourn together with your grief, we are close...
I mourn with you in this difficult moment. It’s scary to even imagine that half of you has left. But for the sake of the children, for the sake of loved ones, we need to get through these sorrowful days. Invisibly, he will always be there - in the soul and in our eternal memory of this bright man.
Words cannot heal a terrible wound in the heart. But bright memories of her, how honestly and honorably she lived her life, will always be stronger than death. In the bright memory of her, we are with you forever!
There are such mournful words: “A loved one does not die, but simply ceases to be around.” In your memory, in your soul, your love will be eternal! We remember him with kind words. Bright and eternal memory!
There are no words to express how deeply we mourn his/her death. We cannot even imagine how much of a blow his/her passing was for you. She/he was a model of tact and mercy. We are happy that she was in our lives...
We are all deeply saddened. Our souls are bleeding from untimely loss. The deceased was a support to all of us. His kind heart and wide soul were always open. May the soul of this magnificent man rest in peace, we will always remember him with a feeling of bright sadness...
Please accept my sincere condolences! What a man he was! Just as she lived modestly and quietly, she left humbly, as if a candle had gone out. We will remember and honor forever...
We sympathize with your loss! The news of his/her death shocked our entire family. We remember and will remember him as a most worthy person. Please accept our sincere condolences!
We offer you and your entire family our deepest condolences on your tragic death. We share your grief and offer you words of support and consolation. We pray for the deceased. Please accept our deepest condolences...

Funeral poems

It was already indicated above that poetry would be extremely inappropriate at a funeral. A memorial speech for 40 days, 1 year may contain a small poetic inclusion. These could be the words of great poets or lines from an epitaph. Memorial poems for the anniversary of death mostly contain warm words that can be attributed to the personality of the deceased, and to a lesser extent condolences and bitterness. Examples include:

When the parents leave, the light in the window fades forever. My father’s house is empty and maybe I dream about it much more often. * * * We know that it is impossible to return you, Your deeds are an eternal memory, And only your pure soul is with us, You illuminate our path of life. * * * Sleep, my angel, calmly and sweetly. Eternity will take you into its arms. You held yourself with dignity and steadfastly survived these hellish torments. * * * On this day, full of heartache, We sympathize with your misfortune, Our life, unfortunately, is not eternal, Every day we are getting closer to the line... We sympathize... Strength of spirit We wish you at this moment, May the earth rest in peace to your loved ones, May The Almighty protects you from troubles. * * * When you left, the light dimmed, And time suddenly stopped. But they wanted to live together forever... Well, why did it all happen?! * * * Let no one disturb your serene sleep forever, Nothing can disturb the oblivion of eternal peace. * * * Thank you, dear, for being in the world! Thank you for loving me. For all the years that we lived together. I ask you not to forget me.

We remember, dear, and we grieve, A cold wind blows through our hearts. We love you forever, No one can replace you. * * * How we loved - only the Gods know. Only we knew how we suffered. After all, we went through all the hardships with you, But we could not step over death... * * * In this vicious circle - twist it or not - It will not be possible to find the end and the beginning. Our role in this world is to come and go. Who will tell us about the goal, about the meaning of the path? * * * O Lord, there are no sins and atrocities greater than Thy mercy! To the slave of the earth and vain desires, forgive the sins for his/her sorrows! * * * What was his life like? - Heavy sleep. What is death? - Awakening from terrible dreams. Woke up, he smiled - And again, perhaps, a dream began there. * * * You left and it immediately began to snow. May you have a good time there. Let a soft white blanket cover the Earth, where you are no longer there... * * * Without chasing meaningless glory, keeping love in his heart, He left, but managed to leave us a bright motive of Eternal music * * * This order is unshakable. The passage of time is eternal. May your serene sleep be quiet and sweet!

Funeral poems are published in the newspaper as condolences. Words at the wake should not contain ambiguous phrases. Extremely clear and understandable lines for all those present will be the most appropriate and correct.

What should you be prepared for?

Grief over the death of a loved one sometimes brings relatives to such a state that from the outside their behavior seems a little unnatural and even strange. Not everyone stands with a mournful look at the coffin and periodically allows themselves to cry.

Situations that require special attention:

The relative does not approach the coffin, does not speak to anyone and sits with an absent look. In this case, there is no need to talk to him. It is enough to say brief words of condolences;
The relative is drunk. To drown out grief, a person may drink alcohol for several days. This behavior also requires understanding. One should not give moralizing advice, and certainly not say that the deceased would not have approved of this;
The relative does not want to listen to condolences and reacts irritably to any requests for help. Another non-standard, but possible reaction to a stressful situation;
The relative tries to be active, talks a lot, and is sometimes unnaturally positive. In the bustle and conversations, he tries to distract himself at least a little from the sad event. This is especially true for women. Sometimes they diligently avoid the topic of the death of their husband or child, trying to ask the guest of the wake about his personal life, work, etc.

Most of these actions are a protective mechanism of the psyche under severe stress.

How to support someone grieving after the death of a loved one

Any support is important at the time of the loss of a loved one. Psychologists recommend the following model of behavior in this difficult situation:

Tune in and show complicity . It is important to understand that untimely condolences, as well as lack of empathy, are perceived as false and insincerity.
Offer real, feasible help . A person in a state of shock is disoriented, so he is unable to perform everyday tasks in an organized manner. You can offer to look after children, feed and walk pets, help purchase ritual supplies, or organize a funeral dinner.
Do not leave the grieving person alone with himself . A person who has lost a loved one must go through several stages of psycho-emotional state: shock, rejection, anger, guilt, depression, acceptance and recovery.
Sometimes words can be unnecessary and the best support is to show empathy and listen to the person.
Help the bereaved accept grief . There is no need to talk about the need to be strong and overcome adversity on your own. Let me talk and cry.
Please be understanding and patient . Often, people faced with loss develop anger towards the people around them. Help him overcome short outbursts of anger.
Help prepare memorial dinners for the ninth, fortieth day and anniversary.
Monitor the health of the mourner . If a person experiences pain in the heart area, or the blood pressure has risen sharply, immediately call an ambulance.

Is it possible to offer condolences in the form of poems?

Version of speech in poetic form

You can remember the dead in poetry only if they were creative people - writers, poets, acted in theater or cinema, or loved to recite poetry during their lifetime. Before delivering a speech in poetic form, you need to ask for the consent of other relatives and warn those gathered about the nature of the funeral speech.

Speeches in verse delivered at ceremonial meetings dedicated to the anniversary of the death of someone famous are acceptable. If you try to say this at a wake, for example, for a grandfather who worked all his life on a collective farm on a tractor, nothing good will come of it. The exception is the grandfather joker, who entertained the entire village with songs and ditties.

Funeral toasts

The funeral usually ends with a memorial dinner. While at such a table, you must follow the rules of mourning etiquette. It is not allowed to talk loudly or laugh. You should not interrupt the person making a speech at the wake. Often at the table, speech takes the form of a toast. Funeral toasts at a wake are significantly different from ordinary ones. They do not contain a call for fun, but once again emphasize the bitterness and pain of loss.

They sit in the next world, in Paradise, souls at the table, talking, drinking, pouring more. One overturned his jug, but it was empty. “That’s it,” he said, “I’ve been forgotten on Earth.” So let’s drink so that the jugs of our departed loved ones do not become empty!

Blessed memory of those who have left us, Let us drink to this now. May our hearts, like granite, preserve the memory of loved ones who have passed away. Let all the good things that happened to them not be buried in a damp grave. As long as we preserve our memories, they will live with us for as long.

Toasts at a wake can be pronounced in poetic form:

* * *

The philosopher knew that everything has its time, Fate cannot be deceived: The poet has been lonely for centuries - May the glorious one be completed...

* * *

There is no water in the funeral cup! Let us not grieve: The midnight star will rise - We will meet again!

* * *

Let it flow from the righteous heights, Until the end of days, the melody of your soul - Why be sad about it?

Sources

https://death-life.ru/pominki/36-chto-govoryat-na-pohoronah-i-pominkah-slova-soboleznovaniya-po-povodu-smerti.html
https://PQD.ru/pominalnyie-stihi/
https://sakramir.ru/pominalnye-slova-rech-na-pominkax.html
https://pominki-v-cafe.ru/slova-na-pominki/20-slova/70-pominalnaya-rech-na-pominkakh

How to calm a person whose relative has died?

To ease the mental suffering of a grieving person, it is enough to follow simple tips:

Remember the good moments associated with the deceased. Of course, for this you need to be on close terms with the relatives of the deceased. For example, it’s worth remembering how you all went on vacation somewhere together, celebrated a holiday, etc. The more bright memories there are, the better;
Note the good qualities of the deceased that distinguished him during his lifetime. The main thing is to tell the truth and not attribute characteristics to the deceased that he did not have. For example, if a person was silent and gloomy during his lifetime, then it is not worth saying that he had a cheerful disposition and always remained positive. It will look like inappropriate flattery. Instead, it is better to say that you always liked the calm disposition of the deceased person or his ability to easily cope with difficulties;
Offer any help you can. It is important that these are not empty promises. For example, if a relative of the deceased has serious financial difficulties, and you are offered to help pay for the funeral, then you must definitely keep your word. After all, if he agrees, and in response receives an excuse like “I have some unforeseen difficulties,” then this will greatly offend him. It turns out that the promises to help were made insincerely. As a result, a person only becomes more upset and disappointed in people;
Listen . Often a grieving person wants to express his pain in words. But at the same time, not everyone is ready to immediately open up even to close people. Therefore, it is worth directly saying that you are ready to listen to him. But there is no need to insist if a relative refuses to talk;
Show empathy without words . Sometimes it’s enough just to be close to a grieving person, to hold their hand or to hug them unobtrusively. It all depends on how trusting the relationship is between you;
Share your experience of loss . You can tell how you survived the death of a loved one, how you were able to distract yourself, calm yourself down, and what gave you the strength to live on. It’s just important not to compare your grief with someone else’s, that is, to avoid phrases like: “I was able to get through this, and even more so you!” It was much harder for me, no one supported or helped me, but you have adults and caring children.” Let the story about personal experiences be, as it were, separate from the situation in which the grieving person finds himself.

Words of comfort to a colleague

“Losing loved ones is always difficult, but the death of a mother is the greatest grief that can happen. We mourn with you!”
“The death of someone close to you was a real shock for me. I will pray for him."
“The sad news shocked us. It is impossible to believe that your loved one is no longer with you. We share the bitterness of loss with you and sincerely mourn.”
“May the Lord reward him for the good deeds he did on earth, and we will pray for him.”
“This loss has come as a real shock to us, we sincerely sympathize and offer our help.”

Forms of expressing condolences

The depth of the experience varies depending on who exactly the person has lost. How to cope with the loss of friends or a close relative: mother, father, children. Therefore, words of condolences must be selected in accordance with the loss that has occurred.

The cause of death must be taken into account; it may vary:

Due to old age.
Due to a serious illness.
Early, sudden, premature death.
Tragic death, accident.

The only unshakable condition that must be observed is to speak words of condolences sincerely and from the heart.

Beautiful inscriptions on a monument in our time

Nowadays, beautiful tombstone inscriptions also express not only grief. Memory, unexpressed feelings, wishes and even addresses of the deceased - this is not a complete list of what relatives try to immortalize on the tombstone. At the same time, the most beautiful epitaphs, touching and fully expressing grief, are written by relatives and friends themselves, because only they can express all their feelings and experiences, since no poet can do this.

When ordering an inscription on a tombstone, you should do it with all your heart, without looking at other people’s opinions. After all, you are doing this for the deceased and his loved ones, and not for random passers-by who may read this inscription. The epitaph, although it has a public expression, remains a very intimate message.

Funeral words from work colleagues

Let me introduce myself, my name is (first name or patronymic name), together with the deceased (how many) years we worked shoulder to shoulder. He was a man of amazing soul, a hardworking, decent and responsible worker, a complacent and sympathetic colleague, always ready to help in word and deed. Our entire team is deeply grieving over this bereavement; all of us will remember (the name of the deceased) as the soul of the company, a merry fellow and a joker, always able to defuse the situation in an appropriate manner and brighten up workdays with bright colors. Active, cheerful, never discouraged, he was an example worthy of imitation for all of us. Eternal and bright memory to the deceased, he will forever remain in the hearts of each of us!

Words of condolences on the death of my husband

“You need to find the strength within yourself to cope with grief. The peace of mind of your children depends on this. Life goes on, your love will never die!
“My deepest condolences! You have been going through life for a long time, and now you need to survive this tragedy. We need to pull ourselves together for the sake of our children and get through these difficult times. I will be your support. Be strong!”
“It’s hard to find words of consolation. The loss cannot be made up, but know that we will always come to the rescue at the right time!”
“The loss cannot be made up, but God will give strength to survive this misfortune. We will remember (name) with warmth and tenderness!”

How to write mournful words yourself

When composing a mournful speech, it is important to imagine who it is intended for and who will deliver it. Special moments:

condolences should be brief;
Tears should not be allowed unless they are talking about a close relative;
don’t be afraid of hackneyed phrases, it’s better to say them than to hesitate and try to remember something;
if a person is afraid that he will not remember the words that he wants to say at the wake, he should write the speech down on paper and read it.

Sincerity should take first place when composing a speech. There is no point in falsifying, attributing non-existent talents to the deceased. It will look ugly and funny. It is better to refrain from loud statements, for example, telling a relative that he can ask for help - do not forget that they may take advantage of the offer.

Funeral toasts at the wake

Toasts at a wake, which are pronounced for everyone present, have their own characteristics. People around you expect loud words from you, so don’t be afraid to speak too pretentiously. The main thing is that the funeral speech must be said absolutely sincerely, without pretense and from the heart. Any unnaturalness, even accidental, can immediately destroy the entire impression of the spoken words. If a person is able to read poems expressively and correctly, then they can be quite appropriate. Anyone can make a toast at the wake of a friend, relative or colleague, but at the same time, if you are too depressed to make public speeches, do not know how or are embarrassed to address a large audience, then no one will judge you if you prefer to remain silent.

How to express condolences via SMS

The development of technology makes it possible to express condolences not in person, but through SMS or by phone. When writing SMS text there is a limit on the number of characters, so 2-3 sentences will be enough. You can even send a few words - “Condolences”, “Rest in peace”, “We remember, we sympathize”, “Not nearby, but in the heart”.

Speech option for SMS

By sending an SMS, a person wants to show that he remembers the grief of another, and is ready to share it with him, even if that is not the case. Naturally, you shouldn’t send SMS to your loved ones; it’s better to come or contact by phone or video conference.

Condolences to a man who has lost a friend

“I sincerely regret the loss! But we must hold on. Watching from heaven, a friend supports you. Hold on!”
“I experience your grief as my own and am ready to share it with you and come to your aid at any moment. You can rely on me! Together we will offer prayers for the soul of the deceased!”
“A friend wouldn’t want you to be so upset. In memory of your friendship, you must be strong. You are not alone in your grief, I will always support you!”
“You are in pain now, but time heals. I am always ready to support you to the best of my ability. Count on my help!

What not to say to a bereaved person

No bad things are said about the deceased. If someone who comes to a funeral is going to remember the debts and sins of the deceased, then it is better to refuse the invitation. You cannot remind relatives that:

death is also their fault (they know this, and they grieve doubly);
the one who came said that this would happen, but they did not listen to him (more than ugly).

Bad words will turn into a rock, which the soul of the deceased will not be able to go around or fly over. Left hidden behind the rock, she will not see heaven and will remain in hell forever.

Not all people know how to speak sorrowful words, although many sincerely sympathize with the loss. In order not to embarrass yourself at the wake, it is better to write down on paper in advance what exactly you want to say. This will help. They say only good things about the deceased, otherwise everything is at the discretion of those gathered to make a speech.

Words of comfort in writing

Etiquette standards allow you to express condolences to the mourners in writing. They must be brought no later than two weeks from the moment of death, but not on the day of burial and not on a postcard.

When writing a condolence letter, list the main advantages of the deceased, mention how important he was to you, sincerely sympathize with the situation and find the necessary words of support.

Sample text:

“When the soul hurts from the bitterness of loss, it is difficult to find the right words of consolation. We can't believe this happened. Our condolences. We will pray for him."
“The news of this irreparable loss struck my mind. “I express my deep respect to the deceased and convey my sincere condolences.”
“We deeply mourn the death of the deceased. In our hearts he will remain a kind, amazing person who gave joy.”

Modern methods of communication make it possible to express condolences not only using a telegram. You can send a letter of consolation:

via Viber, WhatsApp, etc.;
in social networks;
via SMS message;
advertise in the newspaper.