Mark Twain. Gone with the comet

Mark Twain. Gone with the comet April 21, 2011, 00:00 | Katya Kozhevnikova

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A year before his death, he said: “I came in 1835 with Halley’s Comet, a year later it comes again, and I expect to go with it.” And so it happened. The great American writer Mark Twain died 101 years ago, on April 21, 1910 .

American literature began with him, as other American writers admit. William Faulkner called him the first truly American writer, and all the others - his heirs. Ernest Hemingway wrote that “all modern American literature comes from one book by Mark Twain, called The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

And young Samuel Clemens (the writer’s real name) once had no idea about his great destiny as a writer. He wanted to be a riverboat pilot on the Mississippi. But after the Civil War, the private shipping company ceased to exist, and he had to look for a new job. He went to Virginia to mine silver. But the job of a prospector didn’t work out for him either, and then he got a job at a local newspaper. And he took a ringing pseudonym for himself, from his pilot past: the command “mark twain” (“mark two fathoms”) on the ship meant that the bottom in this place was at the minimum depth for the vessel to pass through.

In 1964, having moved to San Francisco , Mark Twain wrote for several newspapers, and then he published his first story, “The Famous Jumping Frog of Calaveras.” With the first work comes the first literary success - the story is published throughout the country and is called the best work of humorous literature created in America up to that moment.

He goes on a business trip to Hawaii , publishing notes about his adventures, and after returning he begins to travel around the state giving lectures. His speeches immediately became incredibly popular, because the young writer was also an excellent speaker. Although he himself said about his speeches this way: “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a brilliant impromptu speech.”

I think most of us became acquainted with Mark Twain as children, with two charming hooligans - Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn . 12-year-old Tom Sawyer amazed not only with his amazing adventures, but also with his business acumen. After all, even the term “Tom Sawyer’s Business” appeared - a business where workers still pay extra for the opportunity to work. So the boy himself “sold” his comrades the opportunity to paint the fence. In world cinema, there are a huge number of film adaptations of “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer”, including a Disney film based on this plot. But we are perhaps best known for the 1981 directed by Stanislav Govorukhin .

The continuation of this book is “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” a story about the journey of a boy and a runaway slave Jimmy along the Mississippi. Due to politically incorrect remarks, this book was repeatedly accused of racism, but Mark Twain, a staunch opponent of racism, responded to this with humor. When the Massachusetts public library decided to remove the book from its collection, Twain wrote to the publisher: “They have expelled Huck from the library as 'slum trash,' and we will undoubtedly sell another 25,000 copies of the book because of it.” All attempts to remove this book from the compulsory school curriculum in the United States have failed. But this year the first politically correct edition of the book was published. It is interesting that the Russian film adaptation of the novel, the film by Georgy Daneliya, is called Completely Lost by American critics as the best option, despite the fact that besides it there are 6 English-language versions.

Probably, the maximum number of adaptations and variations on the theme was received by Mark Twain’s novel “The Prince and the Pauper” - a plot about how a poor street urchin and a prince briefly switched places, one learned etiquette in a castle, the other was horrified by poverty and injustice outside it. In Russia, during the perestroika years, they even filmed a modern version of the novel - the New Year's film The President and His Granddaughter, in which the President's granddaughter swapped places with an ordinary poor girl. But I prefer the musical film by Vadim Gauzner , which was released in 1972 .

Another world-famous story loved by readers and directors is the novel “A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court.” The story, imbued with subtle irony, about an enterprising American who finds himself in a knightly past and, taking advantage of contemporary scientific achievements, takes the place of a court wizard, is constantly being remade in a new, modern way. One of these film adaptations is the late Soviet film New Adventures of a Yankee at the Court of King Arthur.

In his later years, Mark Twain's popularity faded, and most importantly, he lost his will to live. He has lost his wife and four children, and his anti-religious views are only growing stronger. The philosophical story “The Mysterious Stranger” was written by him at the end of his life, and published only 6 years after the author’s death. The main character of the book is Satan , the nephew of a fallen angel, talks with three boys about the world, religion and man. In 1989, Igor Maslennikov made a film based on this story by Philipp Traum. As the director will tell you, the filming took place in a gloomy, painful atmosphere. The story of the film turned out to be strange - it was only once , after which, until 2007, it was not released either on cassettes or on DVD. The director himself believes that this was not without mystical powers. Let's watch an excerpt from this mysterious film.

Despite severe depression, Mark Twain retained his sense of humor at the end of his life. For example, he reacted to an erroneous obituary published in a newspaper as follows: “I have not done anything like this and do not intend to do anything like this throughout my life.” He also owns the famous phrase: “Rumors about my death are greatly exaggerated.” And he left, as expected, along with the comet.

And finally, let's remember another aphorism by Mark Twain. He once said about literature: “The classics are what everyone thinks they need to read, but no one reads.” Well, in this case, we cannot classify the author himself as a classic. After all, they not only consider it necessary to read, but also read it. I sincerely hope that Mark Twain will never turn into a classic. At least in this understanding.

What are your favorite books by Mark Twain? Or films based on it?

Katya Kozhevnikova , iledebeaute.ru

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"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated"

On June 2, 1897, the weekly New York Journal, refuting rumors of Mark Twain's death, quoted his telegram from London: “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” He was generally a great joker, so in his free time he wrote refutations of his death to various newspapers. In the end, he got hold of all the newspaper editors, and they agreed to attribute “Unfortunately” to this message. By this time, he had lost his children, began to sink into depression, but did not lose the sense of humor that was inherent in him and made him famous. He was, according to his contemporaries, the first truly American writer and speaker.

Mark Twain. Source: wikipedia.org

Once while traveling in France, Mark Twain was traveling by train to the city of Dijon. The train was passing, and he asked to wake him up on time. At the same time, the writer said to the conductor:

— I sleep very soundly. When you wake me up, maybe I will scream. So ignore this and be sure to drop me off in Dijon.

When Mark Twain woke up, it was already morning and the train was approaching Paris. The writer realized that he had passed through Dijon and became very angry. He ran to the conductor and began to reprimand him.

- I have never been as angry as I am now! - he shouted.

“You’re not as angry as the American I dropped off in Dijon at night,” the conductor was surprised.

Mark Twain and Henry Rogers, 1908. (pinterest.com)

When Mark Twain was a young reporter in Virginia City, Nevada. He met a stranger at billiards who offered him a bet. The stranger offered him a game for half a dollar - and even said that he himself would play with his left hand, seeing how Twain was warming up. Twain was offended by this, and he, as he himself later wrote, “decided to teach the stranger a lesson.” But the stranger won the first fight, cleared the entire table and took Twain's money, "and all I could afford was a little retort." “If you play like that with your left hand,” said Twain, “I’d like to see you play with your right.” “I can’t,” said the stranger, “I’m left-handed.”

Mark Twain: “It is easier to deceive a man than to convince him that he has been deceived.”

When meeting with readers, Mark Twain usually told many funny stories and amused the audience. One day he was walking along the street of a small town, where that evening he was to give a lecture. The writer was stopped by a young man and said that he had an uncle who never laughed or even smiled. Mark Twain offered to bring his uncle to his lecture, promising that he would definitely make him laugh.

In the evening, a young man and his uncle sat in the front row. Mark Twain spoke directly to them. He told several funny stories, but the old man never even smiled. Then the writer began to tell the funniest stories he knew, but the old man’s face still remained serious. In the end, a completely exhausted Mark Twain left the stage. And after some time I told my friend about this incident.

“Oh,” said the friend, “don’t worry.” I know this old man. He has been completely deaf for many years now.

Mark Twain at age 15. (pinterest.com)

When Mark Twain was a magazine editor, he spent a lot of his time reading manuscripts. One day, looking at an overflowing trash bin, he sighed and said:

- What a pity that I was not an editor at a time when people wrote on stone slabs. What a beautiful villa I could build from the manuscripts sent!

If anything depended on the elections, we would not be allowed to participate in them

Mark Twain once received a packet of bad poems entitled “Why Am I Alive?” Returning the manuscript to the unknown poet, Mark Twain wrote to him:

“Because they sent the poems by mail, and did not come to the editorial office in person.”

Mark Twain and the young poetess Dorothy Quick. (pinterest.com)

Absent-mindedness often put the writer in a difficult position. One day, when Mark Twain was traveling on a train, a ticket inspector entered the compartment. Mark Twain began looking in his pockets for the ticket, but to no avail. Finally the controller, who knew the writer by sight, said:

- Okay, don't worry. Show me your ticket when I go back. And if you don’t find it, it doesn’t matter either. It's nothing.

“No, what a little thing,” protested Mark Twain. “I definitely have to find this damn ticket, otherwise how will I know where I’m going?!”

Twain: “We are all cut from the same cloth, and of rather poor quality.”

Arriving at one of the London hotels, Mark Twain saw the following entry in the guest register: “Lord N with a valet.” The famous writer also made his own entry in this book: “Mark Twain with a suitcase.”

Mark Twain: “Civilization is the endless accumulation of unnecessary things”

Once, when Twain was in England, he went to watch horse racing near London. As he was returning to the station, he met his friend. He did not have money for the train and he asked Mark Twain to buy him a train ticket to London. “Sorry, my friend,” said the writer, “I don’t have enough money for two tickets. But it's okay. Wait for me here. I'm going to buy one ticket and you can ride under my seat. No one will see you there." Two tickets were purchased at the box office, but Mark Twain did not say anything about this to his friend. They found an empty compartment on the train and his friend crawled under the seat. Nobody saw him. Soon after this, the train started moving and the conductor entered the compartment. Mark Twain gave him the tickets. The conductor looked around and asked who the second ticket belonged to. “Oh, this is my friend’s ticket,” the writer replied, “he’s riding under my seat.” You see, he’s not right in the head, and he likes to travel this way.”

Mark Twain never lost his sense of humor even in moments of depression

Mark Twain, while at a social event, talked with one lady who was not very pleasant to talk to. Deciding to compliment her, he remarked: “You are adorable!”, to which the rude woman replied: “I can’t say the same about you.” Mark Twain smiled and said: “And you do as I do - lie!”

Mark Twain House Museum in Hartford. Source: wikipedia.org

A young pretty lady asks M. Twain:

— Is it true that all people descended from monkeys?

- Yes.

- Everyone, everything and even me?

- Yes, but you are from a very pretty one.

A certain banker once asked M. Twain:

- How can we explain that you have so many brains and so little money?!

- You see, nature loves balance. On average, you and I have the same amount.

Mark Twain was invited to a party hosted by some rich man, who decided to treat the guests to an opera performance. The mistress of the house paid clearly intrusive attention to the writer and prevented him from listening to music with her chatter. When the opera ended, the hostess invited the famous guest to the next reception.

“You will hear “Tosca,” she promised.

“I’ll definitely come,” the writer answered. — I haven’t heard you in this opera yet.

Mark Twain received an anonymous letter that contained one word: “pig.” In the newspaper, the writer gave the following message on this matter: “They often send me letters without a signature, but now I received a letter with one signature.”

Mark Twain, being a newspaper editor, once published a devastating denunciation of a certain N. It contained the phrase: “Mr. N does not even deserve a spit in the face.” This gentleman filed a lawsuit, which ordered the newspaper to publish a refutation, and Mark Twain proved himself to be a “law-abiding” citizen. In the next issue of his newspaper it was printed: “Mr. N deserves a spit in the face.”

Mark Twain Quotes

Prepared by: Dmitry Sirotkin

Finally, one of the funniest collections of quotes from writer Mark Twain .

He saw people better than they would like, but he never ceased to find good in them.

Quotes are summarized by topic: human manifestations, life ethics, people, life, truth and lies, church and religion, nations and countries, God, friendship, death, business and work, love and marriage, about yourself, success, structure of society, books , health and medicine, laughter and smile, stupidity, relationships, happiness, women and men, speeches, education and training, pessimists and optimists, swearing, patriotism, children, holidays, the press, Paradise, smoking, advertising, loneliness, truth, time and age.

About human manifestations

There is nothing more annoying than someone's good example.

We like people who boldly tell us what they think, as long as they think the same as we do.

Kindness is something that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

There is no more pathetic sight than a man explaining his joke.

Once you give your word that you won’t do something, you will certainly want to do it.

A person who has grabbed a cat by the tail at least once knows much more about cats than someone who has only read about them but has never seen them.

A person obsessed with a new idea will calm down only after implementing it.

A man of character always rejects the first offer, no matter what it is.

If I had a dog as annoying as my conscience, I would poison it. It takes up more space than all the other internals, but it’s of no use.

People who have their own grief know how to console others.

Sadness is enough on its own, but to truly enjoy it, you need to share it with others.

It is difficult to believe that anyone, having lived life, would not consider it, deep down, a failure.

Worry is like paying off a debt even though you owe no one.

Anyone who does not know where they are going will be very surprised when they end up in the wrong place.

The best way to shake yourself up is to shake up someone else.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to the one on whom it is poured.

There are no more rude people than overly refined natures.

A person is ready to do a lot to awaken love, but will decide to do anything to arouse envy.

There is no measure of vanity, there is only a measure of the ability to hide it.

The surest way to cope with temptation is to chicken out...

For every fifty people who attend the opera, one, perhaps, already loves it; Of the other forty-nine, the majority, it seems to me, go to the opera in order to learn to love it.

You can't rely on your eyes if your imagination is unfocused.

We managed to find a use for everything except the snoring.

It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they are being fooled.

The more often a person mentions God in his speeches, the more diligently I watch my wallet.

It is easier to endure a dozen censures than to listen to one dubious praise.

About life ethics

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.

Let's live in such a way that even the undertaker will regret us when we die.

Nothing needs correction more than other people's habits.

Once in a lifetime, fortune knocks on every person's door, but at this time a person often sits in the nearest pub and does not hear any knock.

You can be careless in your clothes, if that’s in your character. But the soul must be kept tidy.

Don't give up your illusions. When they are gone, you may continue to exist, but you will stop living.

There should be moderation in everything - including moderation.

You should never act badly in front of witnesses.

Always do the right thing. This will please some people and surprise everyone else.

If you notice that you are on the side of the majority, this is a sure sign that it is time to change.

It is better to remain silent and appear a fool than to speak up and dispel all doubts.

What leads us to trouble is not that we don’t know something... What leads us to trouble is knowledge that we consider “true”, but which is actually wrong.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the world owes you something—it was there before you and doesn’t owe you anything.

It's a good idea to check the weather forecast before you start praying for rain.

Often the surest way to mislead a person is to tell him the honest truth.

Honesty is the best policy, especially when backed by money.

Set a goal to do something every day that you don't like. This golden rule will help you perform your duty without disgust.

If you eat a frog in the morning, the rest of the day promises to be wonderful, since the worst of the day is over.

Always honestly admit your mistakes, this will dull the vigilance of your superiors and allow you to make new ones.

Stay away from people who mock your aspirations. Little people always do this, while great people always make you feel that you too can become great.

Do not tell stories about the fish you caught where they know you, and especially where they know this fish.

Actually, I am against millionaires, but if I were offered to become one...

If you need money, go to strangers; if you need advice, go to your friends; and if you don’t need anything, go to your relatives.

About people

We are all cut from the same cloth, and of rather low quality.

Man was created on the last day of creation, when God was already tired.

To create man was a glorious and original idea. But to create a sheep after that was to repeat itself.

April 1st is the day we remember who we are the other 364 days of the year.

We recognize people by their hearts, not by their eyes or intellect.

Being good wears out a person so much!

Some worship rank, others worship heroes, others worship power, others worship God, and they argue among themselves because of this, but they all worship money equally.

Man is the only animal that blushes and that really needs it.

Of all the animals, only man is truly cruel. Only a person can inflict pain for his own pleasure.

If all people thought alike, no one would play at the races.

Each person, like the Moon, has his own unlit side, which he does not show to anyone.

Man will never reach such dizzying heights of wisdom that he cannot be fooled by the nose.

I am convinced that our heavenly father created man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Adam was a man and that says it all. He ate the forbidden fruit not because it was fruit, but because it was forbidden.

If you pick up a hungry dog, feed it and caress it, it will not bite you; This is its fundamental difference from a person.

By the way, quotes about people

About life

When you remember that we are all crazy, the strange in life disappears and everything becomes clear.

There are two great days in the life of every person: the day he was born and the day he realized why!

The first half of life consists of the ability to enjoy pleasure in the absence of opportunities; the other half consists of possibilities in the absence of ability.

What is human life? The first third is a good time; the rest is a memory of him.

Good friends, good books and a sleeping conscience - this is an ideal life.

A person cannot be satisfied with life if he is dissatisfied with himself.

There is no time - life is so short - for squabbles, apologies, bile and calls to account. There is only time to love, and even for this, so to speak, there is only a moment.

Life, by and large, does not consist of facts and incidents. It consists mainly of that storm of thoughts that constantly rushes through your head.

When something we've been waiting for a long time finally arrives, it seems like a surprise.

Half the consequences of good intentions are evil. Half the consequences of bad intentions are good.

The right to stupidity is one of the guarantees of the free development of the individual.

Summer is the time of year when it is very hot to do things that were very cold to do in winter.

Apparently, there is nothing in the world that cannot happen.

By the way, quotes about life

About truth and lies

Truth is more incredible than fiction, because fiction must stay within the bounds of plausibility, but truth does not.

How often do people who themselves do not know how to lie properly begin to argue where the lie is and where the truth is.

First of all, you need facts, and only then you can twist them.

Never tell the truth to people who don't deserve it.

If you only tell the truth, you don't need to remember anything.

The truth should be served like a coat, not thrown in your face like a wet towel.

It happens, of course, that a person actually gets away with it. But a flimsy, stupid, inept lie will not last even two years - the exception is slander. She is practically invulnerable.

No one lies when they pray.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

“Children and fools always tell the truth,” says the old saying. The conclusion is clear: adults and wise people never tell the truth.

By the way, quotes about truth and quotes about lies

About church and religion

Hell is the only truly significant Christian community in the universe.

The devil does not have a single paid assistant, while the Other Side has a million of them.

True discourtesy is disrespect for another's god.

Nothing amazes as much as a miracle, except the naivety with which it is taken for granted.

From the bones of Saint Dionysius, which we saw in Europe, if necessary, it would be possible, in my opinion, to assemble his skeleton in duplicate.

No other books bring in such income as the Bible, and even obscene books, or rather, other obscene books.

For many centuries Satan has occupied a prominent position as the spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race and the political head of all mankind; so one cannot deny him first-class organizational abilities. Next to him, all our politicians and popes are just boogers who need to be examined under a microscope.

The clergy and the church impoverish the people by spreading ignorance, superstition and servility, and then deify themselves for their noble work, which consists in the fact that they distribute crumbs of help, taking them not from their own chests, but from the pockets of those beggars whom they themselves created .

About nations and countries

I have no prejudice whatsoever regarding color, caste or creed. It’s enough to know that we’re talking about a person—it couldn’t get any worse anyway.

All nations dislike each other, but all together they hate only Jews.

An Englishman is a person who does something because it has been done before. An American is a person who does something because it has not been done before.

It’s probably the way it is in the USA that the most expensive ties are worn by those who would have had enough with a rope.

Americans are best at drawing a target where the arrow lands.

America is a wonderful country and I am extremely glad that it was discovered. But it would be better if they didn’t notice her and sailed past.

France is a country where there is neither winter, nor summer, nor morality; Otherwise, this is a wonderful region.

About God

When you read the Bible, you are more surprised by God's ignorance than by his omniscience. God is fierce in the Old Testament and charming in the New—the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the sacred novel.

If God is such as is believed, he must be the most miserable of all in the universe. Every hour he observes billions of creatures he has created experiencing incalculable suffering. He also knows about the suffering that they still have to endure. You can say about him: “Unhappy as God.”

God lacks steadfastness of character and firm convictions. He should be a Catholic, or a Presbyterian, or something, it doesn't matter, but he shouldn't try to be everywhere at once.

About friendship

Friendship is such a sacred, sweet, lasting and permanent feeling that you can preserve it for life, if only you do not try to borrow money.

It is easy to call a person wise, but it is much more difficult to convince his friends of this.

If a friendship ends, it means it never existed.

A true friend is with you when you are wrong. When you are right, everyone will be with you.

Your enemy and your friend work together to hit you in the heart: one says nasty things about you, the other passes his words to you.

By the way, quotes about friendship

About death

Fear of death stems from fear of life. A person who lives life to the fullest is ready to die at any moment.

Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

I have not done anything like this and am not going to do anything like this throughout my life (about the newspaper report about my death).

There are only two things we will regret on our deathbed - that we loved little and traveled little.

About business and work

Buy land - after all, no one produces it anymore.

You should refrain from speculating on the stock exchange in two cases: if you do not have funds, and if you do have them.

A bank is an institution where you can borrow money if you can convince yourself that you don't need it.

Work as if money doesn't matter to you.

About love and marriage

Praise is good, compliments are also wonderful, but love is the last and most precious reward that a person can win by his character or his merits.

When my wife and I disagree, we usually do what she wants. My wife calls it a compromise.

It is not true that married men, when they see a beautiful woman, forget that they are married. At this moment, it is the memory of this that makes them especially depressing.

By the way, quotes about love

About Me

I never allowed school to interfere with my education.

My literary destiny is very interesting. I have never been able to lie so that no one would believe me; when I told the truth, no one wanted to believe me.

I'm a bumpkin from Missouri who, over the years, has turned into a Connecticut Yankee. I was a fusion of Missouri morals and Connecticut culture. In my opinion, gentlemen, this is the perfect combination.

I long ago lost faith in immortality - as well as any interest in it.

I'm not afraid to disappear. Before I was born, I was gone for billions and billions of years, and I didn’t suffer from it at all.

About success

Fame is smoke, success is an accident; the only thing safe on earth is obscurity.

The secret to achieving something is to start.

In this life, you only need ignorance and self-confidence - and success is guaranteed to you.

Thousands of geniuses live and die unknown - either unrecognized by others, or unrecognized by themselves.

By the way, quotes about success

About the structure of society

If anything depended on the elections, we would not have been allowed to participate in them.

He should be president if he is not hanged before then.

All political parties eventually die, choking on their own lies.

Civilization is an endless accumulation of unnecessary things.

About books

A classic is a book that is praised and not read.

One who does not read good books has no advantage over a person who cannot read.

Please bring me something to read. At least a postage stamp.

My books are like water; the books of great geniuses are like wine. Fortunately, everyone drinks water.

By the way, quotes about books

About health and medicine

The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you don't like.

Be careful when reading books about health. You could die from a typo.

Water consumed in moderation has never harmed anyone.

Is medicine a science, or just a way to feed off human ignorance?

By the way, quotes about health

About laughter and smile

Humanity has one truly powerful weapon, and that is laughter.

The secret source of humor is not in joy, but in sadness; there is no humor in heaven.

What is the main prerogative of an aristocrat? The fact that it is not customary to laugh at him. People of other classes are allowed to laugh at people.

Wrinkles should only mark the places where smiles used to be.

By the way, quotes with humor

About stupidity

When I was fourteen years old, my father was so stupid that I could hardly stand him. When I turned twenty-one, I was amazed at how wise the old man had become in those seven years!

Let's thank the fools. Without them, it would be difficult for others to succeed.

Never argue with idiots. You will sink to their level, where they will crush you with their experience.

About relationships

Never let someone be your priority when you are just another option for them.

A great way to ruin a relationship with someone is to say, “No, that’s not how you’re telling that joke.” Then tell it in your own way.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that a violet gives to those who trample it.

Oh happiness

To be happy, you must live in your own paradise! Did you really think that the same paradise could satisfy all people without exception?

Only the happy will be in heaven. The unfortunate are cursed, both in this life and in this life.

Not many of us can bear happiness—that is, the happiness of our neighbor.

By the way, quotes about happiness

About women and men

First God created man, then he created woman. Then God felt sorry for the man, and he gave him tobacco.

I don’t think that I could like her, except on a raft on the open sea, and even then if there was absolutely nothing to eat.

Only women can be not only the best judges of women, but also their executioners.

By the way, quotes about women and quotes about men

About speeches

It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Not a single improvisation comes to me as well as the one that I prepared for three days.

The human brain is a magnificent thing. It works right up to the minute you get up to give a speech.

About education and training

Good parenting is the ability to hide how much we think about ourselves and how little about others.

Teaching yourself is a noble thing, but teaching others is even more noble; By the way, the latter is much easier.

By working on ourselves, we learn not to attach importance to troubles. Obviously, strangers.

About pessimists and optimists

The only thing sadder than the sight of a young pessimist is the sight of an old optimist.

At 50 a person can be an ass without being an optimist, but he can no longer be an optimist without being an ass.

Pessimism is just a word that the faint of heart uses to describe wisdom.

About swearing

In some cases, swearing provides even greater relief than prayer.

If you get angry, count to three; If you get really angry, swear!

Let's swear while we have time, in heaven they won't let us...

About patriotism

Patriotism is eternal loyalty to the motherland and loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

A patriot is the one who screams the loudest, without knowing what the scream is actually about.

The people are divided into patriots and traitors, and no one is able to distinguish one from the other.

About children

One child is enough to fill the entire house and yard.

We shower children with gifts, but the most valuable gift for them - the joy of communication, friendship - we give reluctantly and waste ourselves on those who are completely indifferent to us. However, in the end we get what we deserve. The time comes when more than anything else we need the company of children, their attention, and we get those pitiful crumbs that previously fell to their share.

By the way, quotes about children

About the holidays

What to do with the person who was the first to celebrate his birthday? Killing is not enough.

New Year's is a harmless holiday, particularly because it brings no benefit, and can be used as a scapegoat for disorderly drinking and friendly fighting.

About the press

If you don't read newspapers, you are uninformed. If you read newspapers, you are misinformed.

Who said the American press is corrupt? No, she is not corrupt, she is just sold once and for all.

About Paradise

It is a pity that the serpent in paradise was not forbidden - then Adam would certainly have eaten it.

If I can't smoke in heaven, then this is not the place for me.

About smoking

Quitting smoking is easy. I myself have quit a thousand times.

I made it a rule to never smoke more than one cigarette at a time.

About advertising

Any mention in the press, even the most negative, except for the obituary, is advertising.

Many little things have become important things thanks to the right advertising.

About loneliness

The worst loneliness is when a person is uncomfortable with himself.

Be virtuous and you will be lonely.

By the way, quotes about loneliness

About truth

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let's save it.

We revere the truth so much because we rarely have the opportunity to become acquainted with it.

About time and age

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately, it kills its students.

Age is something that exists in our thoughts. If you don't think about it, it doesn't exist.

By the way, quotes about time

About miscellaneous

I often think that it would have been better if Noah and his crew were late for their ark.

The emblem of criticism should be the cuckoo; she throws her eggs into other people's nests, because otherwise she will not be able to hatch them.

Noise proves nothing. A hen that has laid an egg often fusses as if it had laid a small planet.

A cat, once sitting on a hot stove, will never sit on it again. And in the cold too.

The information that the ancients did not have was very extensive.

I was complimented several times, and each time I was dissatisfied - it seemed to me that they didn’t say enough.

Modesty died when clothes were born.

Agree, it’s not often you meet a person with such wit and knowledge of people as Mark Twain. True, I suppose that these qualities brought him a lot of sadness .

Quotes about Mark Twain

E. Hemingway: Mark Twain is my favorite writer for three reasons: he wrote well, he entertains me, and he is already dead. (by the way, Hemingway quotes)
B. Shaw: Mark Twain and I are in the same position. We must speak our minds in such a way that people who would otherwise hang us will think we are joking. (by the way, quotes from Bernard Shaw)
W. Whitman: He could have become something; he almost became someone; but he never did.
M. Gorky: Mark Twain is known all over the world, but in Russia he is known more than all American writers. His works have been published in hundreds of editions, and no cultured person considers himself a fully educated person until he reads Mark Twain. (by the way, quotes from Gorky)
G. Taft, US President: He did not write a single line that a father could not read to his daughter.

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Bradbury quotes
Wilde quotes
Dreiser quotes
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On June 2, 1897, the weekly New York Journal, refuting rumors of Mark Twain's death, quoted his telegram from London: “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

The great American writer Mark Twain was generally a great joker. Therefore, in his free time from work, he liked to write refutations of his death to various newspapers. In the end, he got hold of all the newspaper editors, and they agreed to attribute “Unfortunately” to this message.

*** Once while traveling around France, Mark Twain was traveling by train to the city of Dijon. The train was passing, and he asked to wake him up on time. At the same time, the writer said to the conductor: “I sleep very soundly.” When you wake me up, maybe I will scream. So ignore this and be sure to drop me off in Dijon. When Mark Twain woke up, it was already morning and the train was approaching Paris. The writer realized that he had passed through Dijon and became very angry. He ran to the conductor and began to reprimand him. - I have never been as angry as I am now! - he shouted. “You’re not as angry as the American I dropped off in Dijon at night,” the conductor was surprised.

*** When Mark Twain was a young reporter in Virginia City, Nevada. He met a stranger at billiards who offered him a bet. The stranger offered him a game for half a dollar - and even said that he himself would play with his left hand, seeing how Twain was warming up. Twain was offended by this, and he, as he himself later wrote, “decided to teach the stranger a lesson.” But the stranger won the first fight, cleared the entire table and took Twain's money, "and all I could afford was a little retort." “If you play like that with your left hand,” said Twain, “I’d like to see you play with your right.” “I can’t,” said the stranger, “I’m left-handed.”

*** When meeting with readers, Mark Twain usually told a lot of funny stories and amused the audience. One day he was walking along the street of a small town, where that evening he was to give a lecture. The writer was stopped by a young man and said that he had an uncle who never laughed or even smiled. Mark Twain offered to bring his uncle to his lecture, promising that he would definitely make him laugh. In the evening, a young man and his uncle sat in the front row. Mark Twain spoke directly to them. He told several funny stories, but the old man never even smiled. Then the writer began to tell the funniest stories he knew, but the old man’s face still remained serious. In the end, a completely exhausted Mark Twain left the stage. And after some time I told my friend about this incident. “Oh,” said the friend, “don’t worry.” I know this old man. He has been completely deaf for many years now.

*** When Mark Twain was a magazine editor, he spent a lot of time reading manuscripts. One day, looking at an overflowing trash can, he sighed and said: “What a pity that I was not an editor at a time when people wrote on stone slabs.” What a beautiful villa I could build from the manuscripts sent!

*** Mark Twain once received a packet of bad poems entitled “Why Am I Alive?” Returning the manuscript to the unknown poet, Mark Twain wrote to him: “Because they sent the poems by mail, and did not come to the editorial office in person.”

*** Absent-mindedness often put the writer in a difficult position. One day, when Mark Twain was traveling on a train, a ticket inspector entered the compartment. Mark Twain began looking in his pockets for the ticket, but to no avail. Finally, the controller, who knew the writer by sight, said: “Okay, don’t worry.” Show me your ticket when I go back. And if you don’t find it, it doesn’t matter either. It's nothing. “No, what a little thing,” protested Mark Twain. “I definitely have to find this damn ticket, otherwise how will I know where I’m going?!”

*** Arriving at one of the London hotels, Mark Twain saw the following entry in the guest registration book: “Lord N with a valet.” The famous writer also made his own entry in this book: “Mark Twain with a suitcase.”

*** Once, when Twain was in England, he went to watch horse racing near London. As he was returning to the station, he met his friend. He did not have money for the train and he asked Mark Twain to buy him a train ticket to London. “Sorry, my friend,” said the writer, “I don’t have enough money for two tickets. But it's okay. Wait for me here. I'm going to buy one ticket and you can ride under my seat. No one will see you there." Two tickets were purchased at the box office, but Mark Twain did not say anything about this to his friend. On the train they found our empty compartment, and his friend climbed under the seat. Nobody saw him. Soon after this, the train started moving and the conductor entered the compartment. Mark Twain gave him the tickets. The conductor looked around and asked who the second ticket belonged to. “Oh, this is my friend’s ticket,” the writer replied, “he’s riding under my seat.” You see, he’s not right in the head, and he likes to travel this way.”

*** Mark Twain, while at a social event, talked with one lady who was not very pleasant to talk to. Deciding to compliment her, he remarked: “You are charming!” To which the rude woman replied: “I can’t say the same about you.” Mark Twain smiled and said: “And you do as I do - lie!”

A few anecdotes about Mark Twain from the Russian House website (russiahousenews.info)

A young pretty lady asks M. Twain: “Is it true that all people descended from monkeys?” - Yes. - Everyone, everything and even me? - Yes, but you are from a very pretty one.

A certain banker once asked M. Twain: “How can we explain that you have so many brains and so little money?!” - You see, nature loves balance. On average, you and I have the same amount.

Mark Twain received an anonymous letter containing one word "pig". In the newspaper, the writer gave the following message on this matter: “They often send me letters without a signature, but now I received a letter with one signature.”

We create communication

On June 2, 1897, the weekly New York Journal denied rumors about the death of writer Mark Twain, who, having seen the obituary, sent a telegram to the editor: “Reports of my death are somewhat exaggerated .

By this time, he had lost his children, began to sink into depression, but did not lose the sense of humor that was inherent in him and made him famous. The first, according to contemporaries, a truly American writer, speaker and inventor of an elastic band that prevented trousers from falling!

“God created man because he was disappointed in the monkey. After that, he abandoned further experiments."

Mark Twain, or as his real name was Samuel Clemens, was born on November 30, 1835 in the city of Florida (Missouri, USA) into a poor large family (pictured is the house in which the writer was born). His father died in 1847, leaving many debts, so the children had to start working early. Twain's older brother Orion began publishing a newspaper, and the future writer worked there as a typesetter, and less often, he wrote small articles himself.

But he was more attracted to the work of a pilot, so he soon went to the Mississippi River, where he worked until 1861, until the Civil War began. In search of a new occupation, Twain joined the Masons at North Star Lodge No. 79 in St. Louis.

“I have never allowed my schoolwork to interfere with my education.”

Twain spent some time in the Civil War on the side of the militia, but in 1861 he went west, where his brother was offered the position of secretary to the governor of the Nevada Territory. It was in the West that Twain developed as a writer, and also accumulated significant capital by becoming a miner and began mining silver. But in order to do this constantly, Twain was not patient enough, so he soon found work as a correspondent for the Territorial Enterprise newspaper, where he first used the pseudonym “Mark Twain.”

And in 1864 he moved to San Francisco and began writing for several newspapers at the same time. His first success came in 1865 with the publication of his story “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras,” which was called “the best piece of humorous literature produced in America up to this time.”

“First of all, you need facts, and only then you can twist them”

Mark Twain always insisted on the non-literary origin of his pseudonym, allegedly taken by him in his youth from the terms of river navigation. When he was an assistant pilot on the Mississippi, the cry of “mark twain” meant that the minimum depth suitable for the passage of river vessels had been reached. However, in September 2013, the Mark Twain Journal published an article that proposed a new explanation for its origin.

In Vanity Fair for 1861 (that is, two years before Mark Twain first used his pseudonym), the authors discovered Artemus Ward's humorous short story "North Star" about three sailors who decide to abandon the compass because of his "allegiance to the north "- the sailors' names are Mr. Thick Forest, Lee Spiegat and Mark Twain. The editor-in-chief of the Mark Twain Journal claimed that they managed to catch Twain:

his love for the humor department of Vanity Fair has been known for a long time; during his first stand-up performances, Twain read precisely Ward’s works, so there can be no talk of coincidence

Pictured from left to right are David Gray, Mark Twain and George Alfred Townsen.

“The people are divided into patriots and traitors, and no one is able to distinguish one from the other.”

While in Hawaii in 1866, Twain wrote letters about his adventures. When he returned from his trip, the Alta California newspaper invited him to tour the state giving lectures based on the letters. The lectures were a resounding success, and Twain toured the entire state, entertaining audiences and collecting a dollar from each listener. In 1869, his book “Simps Abroad” was published, which was based on his trip to Europe and the Middle East. It was distributed by subscription and gained enormous popularity.

In 1883, he published a book of biting satire, Life on the Mississippi, in which he criticized politicians. But Twain’s novels The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876), The Prince and the Pauper (1881), The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1884), and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (1889) are considered to be Twain’s greatest contributions to literature.

“First God created man, then he created woman. Then God felt sorry for the man, and he gave him tobacco."

Mark Twain joked that he never learned to smoke, but simply asked for a light as soon as he was born. The writer's acquaintances and relatives said that he constantly smoked; while working, there was such thick smoke in his room that Twain himself was almost invisible.

“When my wife and I disagree, we usually do what she wants. My wife calls it a compromise."

In 1870, Twain married Olivia Langdon (pictured center). They were introduced by her brother Charles three years before their wedding. All this time, the lovers communicated, sending each other letters. When Twain first proposed to Olivia, she refused, but after a while she changed her mind. In November 1870, Twain and Olivia had a son, but he was premature and very weak and died a year and a half later. By that time, the family lived in Connecticut and was very respected in literary circles.

In 1872, daughter Olivia Susan was born. She died at the age of 25, and in 2010, a manuscript of an unpublished story by Mark Twain dedicated to her was put up for auction at Sotheby's in New York. In 1974, Clara (pictured) was born - the only child of the writer who lived to old age. In 1880, Twain's youngest daughter Jane was born; she died shortly before her 30th birthday.

“There is no more pathetic sight than a man explaining his joke.”

Twain was an excellent speaker, gave lectures, and loved jokes and humorous stories. He devoted a lot of time to searching for young talents, helping them, publishing in his publishing house, which he acquired in 1884. In addition, he loved billiards and could spend whole evenings playing.

He was also a prominent figure in the American Anti-Imperial League, which opposed American annexation of the Philippines. In addition, he actively supported education, organizing educational programs, especially for African Americans and talented people with disabilities.

Mark Twain loved technology and inventions, but as a real businessman, he was interested not so much in technical progress itself as in the money that inventions brought. The writer himself has three patents. In 1871, he patented an elastic band that prevented trousers from falling; a year later, an album with pieces of adhesive tape on pages for sticking clippings; and in 1885, an intellectual board game that helped remember the dates of historical events. The most successful commercially was the scrapbook, which brought in tens of thousands of dollars.

In the photo: Mark Twain and mathematician John Lewis

Mark Twain was friends with Nikola Tesla and met with Thomas Edison. Being passionate about technology, he did not miss a single important invention. Of course, Twain could not ignore the invention of James Page.

In those days, the texts of books and newspapers were typed manually in printing houses. Page's typesetting machine (pictured) greatly speeded up this process. After his first meeting with the inventor in 1880, the writer bought $2 thousand shares of the Farnham Typesetter company, where James Page worked, and after some time, having seen the prototype in action, another $3 thousand. He was confident of success and counted these $5 thousand The most profitable investment of money in your life.

In 1885, Page asked Twain, who by then had become the main sponsor of his invention, for $30 thousand for further improvements. Two years later, the money ran out, and James Page was still not ready to put his car into production. By 1888, Twain's total investment had reached $80,000, and Page only repeated over and over that he would be ready for testing in a couple of weeks.

On January 5, 1889, the typesetting machine finally started working, but quickly broke down. Mark Twain gave $4 thousand a month for Page's apparatus for another year, and only in 1891 he stopped throwing money into this bottomless pit. James Page died in poverty in a poor shelter, and Twain was on the verge of bankruptcy. Over 11 years, he spent $150 thousand ($4 million in today's equivalent) on Page's typesetting machine.

“The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves behind the skin.”

Mark Twain came to the conclusion: you should refrain from trading in securities in two cases - if you do not have funds and if you do have them. He closed his home in Hartford and first went to Europe with his family and then went on a world lecture tour. It turned out to be surprisingly successful, which allowed him to pay off his creditors in full by January 1898, which, by the way, he was not obliged to do after declaring himself bankrupt.

In the photo: Mark Twain with his daughter Clara and her friend Miss Marie Nicole

In addition to Page's typesetting machine, Mark Twain was badly let down by the publishing house Charles L. Webster & Company (Charles Webster was the husband of his niece and the director of the publishing house), which he opened in 1884 and which went bankrupt ten years later.

Twain's first book, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, was a great success. The memoirs of former US President General Ulysses Grant brought even more money. Mark Twain persuaded Grant to publish his memoirs with him, promising 70% of the profits. As a result, General Grant earned more than $8 million in today's dollars. Twain also did not lose out; he received about $4 million.

Mark Twain also had himself to blame for the bankruptcy of the publishing house. Fully confident that Americans adore biographical literature, he published a biography of Pope Leo XIII, but failed to sell even 200 copies.

Mark Twain was one of the founders of collective novels. The idea came to the mind of the famous writer William Dean Howells at the beginning of the 20th century. He came up with the idea of inviting popular authors to write a novel together about how a simple engagement completely changes the lives of two families - each author had to write a chapter from the point of view of his character, while the authorship of specific chapters was not disclosed. The project was undertaken by Elizabeth Jordan, a journalist, suffragist, editor of the first novels by Sinclair Lewis, who worked at Harper's Bazaar from 1900 to 1913.

She was the first to attract Henry James (her then lover) as an author; after him, Mark Twain and a dozen other popular writers agreed to participate. The undertaking turned out to be painful: the authors suddenly refused, were late with the delivery of texts and demanded more fees than their colleagues.

Nevertheless, each issue of Harper's Bazaar with the next chapter of "The Whole Family" was snapped up within a day, and subsequently all 12 parts were published in one book, which went through several reprints. “It’s not a book, it’s a mess,” Jordan herself said about it, but the beginning of a tradition was laid.

In the photo: Mark Twain and writer Dorothy Quick

Writer William Faulkner: “Huck Finn comes close to the Great American Novel, and Mark Twain comes close to the great American novelist, but Twain never wrote a novel. We proceed from the fact that the novel has established rules, and its work is too loose - a bunch of material, a set of events."

Today, Twain's novels "Tom Sawyer" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" are not very popular in America; they are expelled from one state after another. At first, the book was considered antisocial: Tom Sawyer and especially Huck Finn are naughty boys, and therefore cannot teach children anything good. Представители же афроамериканских организаций Америки подсчитали, что на первых 35 страницах приключений Гека Финна слово «ниггер» употребляется 39 раз. Twain himself treated censorship with irony, saying that it was perhaps the best advertisement for his books. However, he listened to the opinion of his family and did not publish works that, in the opinion of his household, could offend the religious feelings of people.

For example, "The Mysterious Stranger" remained unpublished until 1916. And Twain’s most controversial work, which caused controversy and condemnation, was a humorous lecture at a Paris club, published under the title “Reflections on the Science of Onanism.” The essay was published only in 1943 in a limited edition.

“I'm not afraid to disappear. Before I was born, I was gone for billions and billions of years, and I didn’t suffer from it at all.”

The older Twain got, the more depressed he became. The main reason was the death of his children and wife Olivia in 1904, friend Henry Rogers in 1909, who literally saved Twain from financial ruin. In addition, he was worried that his popularity as a writer had decreased significantly. Nevertheless, he did not lose his sense of humor.

Evidence of this was his response to an erroneous obituary in the New York Journal. In 1897, he sent a letter to the editor in which he wrote: “Rumors of my death are somewhat exaggerated . He died 13 years later, on April 21, 1910, from angina pectoris.