Betrayal is one of the most painful human experiences. The discovery of betrayal seems to tear us out of reality.
When we see the word “betrayal,” we may immediately think “deed.” But betrayal comes in many forms. Being abandoned to fate, vicious gossip and spreading lies can also be perceived as betrayal.
The damaging aspect of betrayal is the undermining of one's sense of reality. A person you thought you could trust unconditionally suddenly betrays you. Our innocence is destroyed. We are left to wonder: what happened? How could this happen? Who influenced this decision?
Some betrayals leave us with no choice but to heal and move on with our lives, such as when we are suddenly abandoned by our partner.
Should we gather our dignity and end the relationship? Or is there a way to maintain our dignity while trying to heal and restore trust?
Serious betrayal puts us in a situation where we need to figure out what's best for us. It's difficult.
Perhaps the love is still alive and our partner admits his mistake and expresses regret. Would it be a brave risk to give our partner another chance or a stupid mistake to trust again? Instead of acting impulsively, we can serve ourselves by taking time to sort through our feelings and find some clarity about what is best for us.
Are betrayal and treason the same thing?
Both words refer to dishonest acts, perhaps even the same act, but they portray the act in a different light. To betray means to break fidelity. To deceive is to take advantage of dishonesty and deceit.
If a king says to his minister, “You have betrayed me,” he means that the minister has committed a gross violation of his duty to his king. However, if he says, “You deceived me,” he means that the minister deceived him in order to gain some advantage, perhaps in a personal matter such as the sale of a horse.
Examples from life
- Marcus Junius Brutus the Younger was a politician who lived during the decline of the Roman Empire. He is known as one of the main conspirators involved in the assassination of Gaius Julius Caesar. Brutus was born in 85 BC. He claimed descent from Lucius Junius Brutus, who founded the Roman Republic after overthrowing the last Roman king, Tarquin the Proud. The formation of Brutus's personality was greatly influenced by his mother's half-brother, the politician Cato the Younger. Since childhood, the boy was fond of literature, wrote in various genres and practiced oratory. Subsequently, thanks to this, he gained considerable fame in Rome. The first mention of Brutus as a politician dates back to the period of the creation of the triumvirate, which consisted of Caesar, Pompey and Crassus. At that time, Brutus was accused of preparing an assassination attempt on Pompey, so he was forced to leave Rome, even though this accusation was false. He was able to return only with the outbreak of war between Caesar and Pompey. In this conflict, Brutus should, by all logic, take Caesar's side, because Pompey was involved in the death of his father. However, he considered the public good more important than his own and sided with his blood enemy. This idea turned out to be pointless, since Pompey was defeated, but Brutus did not share his fate, he was pardoned. Caesar had every reason to believe that Brutus was his own son. This is the reason for his excessive care and guardianship. After the war, Caesar showered Brutus with all sorts of honors, wanted to make him his right hand and give him the greatest power, but fate decreed otherwise. Brutus was an idealist, so Caesar's dictatorial style of rule was unacceptable to him. Cassius, who was left unlucky, took advantage of the discontent of those around him and decided to overthrow his rival. From the very beginning, Brutus opposed the plot to assassinate Caesar, however, he was persuaded to join the ranks of the traitors. Together with other conspirators, he stabbed his patron with a dagger, secretly brought to the meeting in the Senate. Brutus hoped that the death of Caesar would save the Republic and raise it to unprecedented heights, but this did not happen; on the contrary, Rome found itself plunged into a new Civil War. Finding himself among the losers, Brutus committed suicide so as not to surrender alive to the enemy.
- The expression “Trojan horse” in the modern world means some kind of secret and insidious plan, disguised deception, betrayal. And initially the “Trojan horse” was a huge wooden horse, with the help of which the Achaean warriors were able to deceive themselves into impregnable Troy. According to legend, the unsuccessful siege lasted ten years. And then, in accordance with Odysseus’s plan, master Epeius built a giant horse out of wood, inside which the best Greek warriors hid. And at this time the rest of the Greek army left their camp and pretended to be sailing to their native lands. The inhabitants of Troy could not think that all their ships had taken refuge near the island of Tenedos. The wooden horse left at the gate was supposedly a gift from the Greeks to Athena, which they presented to the goddess of war after they decided to surrender. The Trojans decided that the war was over and the enemy had truly retreated, so they brought the horse into the city to celebrate, although the seer Cassandra warned her people about the impending danger. As night fell, a detachment of Greek spies emerged from their hiding place and opened the gates to the rest of the army, which burst into the city. As a result, Troy was defeated.
Types of betrayal
Betrayal exists in many areas of human life: in love, in friendship, in commercial relationships. They betray you quite often and you need to know how to behave correctly in such situations.
Betrayal of a friend and girlfriend
It is difficult to find true friends, so most of the time people choose the wrong person as their true friend. Moreover, in the era of selfishness and competition between peers, it has become impossible to find a person whom you can trust blindly and selflessly. Nowadays, it doesn't take long for friendships to fade. And there are many reasons why today's friendships don't last. The main reason is people's growing interest in gossip and cheap conspiracies, as a result of which betrayal of friendship has become a very common occurrence. Another common reason for these short-lived friendships is the overconfidence of most people. The worst cases are when betrayal of friendship is committed only for the sake of material pleasures.
Hence, dealing with a broken friendship is a really tough task, but life goes on and every damage is healed with time. Thus, you may be yearning for new friendships that can be effective and growing.
State betrayal
High treason is a rare but very serious crime. Find out what it is and understand terms like "bringing on war" and "joining the enemy."
Treason to the State is defined as the deliberate betrayal of allegiance by forcing war on the government or giving aid or clemency to its enemies. This is the most serious crime that can be committed against the government.
Betrayal of a loved one
Ever since human relationships began, infidelity has existed. And ever since infidelity began to exist, romantic partners have fought over the meaning of that very infidelity. Looking at other girls - cheating? How about flirting with a co-worker even if you know it won't work out? Where does a very close friendship cross the line into emotional infidelity? No one knows. But betrayal of a loved one in any form is always very painful.
Examples from fiction
- N.V. Gogol "Taras Bulba" .
The youngest son of the main character of the story N.V. Gogol's "Taras Bulba" was initially very different from his father and brother. He loved music, admired nature, and did not understand how one could think only about exploits and war. The main passion in Andriy's life was love, and not love for the Motherland, like Taras Bulba or Ostap, but love for a woman. Having met a beautiful Polish girl while studying at the Kyiv Academy, the young Cossack forever retained her image in his memory. He loved her sincerely, with all his heart. Therefore, without hesitation, he went to help his beloved after learning that she was starving.
It was love that forced Andriy to commit the most terrible crime, to betray his family and his homeland. He was ready to serve the lady until his last breath, until the last drop of blood. This crazy obsession clouded his mind, the young Cossack was ready to fight for his love with the whole world. He readily takes the side of the enemy against his own father, brother and brothers in arms. From now on, his father is not his father, and the Fatherland is no longer the Fatherland. Love obsession ruined Andriy's honor, deprived him of his honorable name and dignity. And the betrayal he committed was the most terrible sin in the unspoken code of the Zaporozhye Cossacks. For such an act there was only one punishment - death, because nothing could justify or atone for treason to the Motherland. Taras Bulba decided to punish the traitor with his own hands in order to cleanse his family of shame. Andriy died at the hands of his own father, who did not even want to bury his body, because traitors do not deserve this.
- A.S. Pushkin "Dubrovsky" .
In the novel by A.S. Pushkin's "Dubrovsky" tells the story of a friendship that was destroyed by betrayal. One of the heroes of the novel is a wealthy Russian gentleman Kirila Petrovich Troekurov. He was a very rich and noble man, who was famous throughout the area for his cruel temper and self-will. While still in the service, he met Andrei Gavrilovich Dubrovsky, and later they turned out to be neighbors. The move was a wonderful opportunity to strengthen their friendship.
Dubrovsky was the only person who could openly express his opinion in the presence of an overbearing comrade, so Troekurov greatly valued his company. However, from a kind and hospitable friend, Kiril Petrovich quickly turns into a scoundrel and a traitor. And the reason for the destruction of many years of friendship was the impudent statement of Troekurov’s servant and the subsequent reaction of his master to what happened. Dubrovsky was offended to the depths of his soul, but then he did not yet suspect what a person close to him was capable of. Kirila Petrovich decided to stab his comrade in the back and, having bribed court officials, openly declared his intention to deprive Dubrovsky of his estate. Troekurov did not think at that moment about the feelings of his former friend; he wanted to stroke his pride, forcing him to humiliate himself and ask for forgiveness. Ultimately, this betrayal led to the death of Andrei Gavrilovich, and subsequently destroyed the fate of their children. Did Troekurov then think about what his action would lead to? It is unlikely that he simply followed the lead of his hot-tempered and selfish nature.
- W. Shakespeare "Hamlet".
The theme of betrayal in William Shakespeare's tragedy Hamlet is the main one. Speaking about betrayal, the playwright is trying to show the essence of this phenomenon. Claudius, by killing his own brother, betrays not only a loved one, but also his state, his honor. This betrayal reveals his true vile nature. The Danish king not only takes the life of his own brother for the sake of power and glory, but also marries his wife, committing another sin. Using the example of the death trap prepared for Hamlet, it becomes clear that all of Claudius’s actions were calmly thought out in advance. He committed a serious crime knowingly, which makes his act even more terrible.
In addition, many characters in the tragedy turned out to be capable of betrayal. Gertrude betrayed the memory of her late husband, the servants of the Danish throne turned out to be ready for betrayal simply in order to curry favor with the new ruler, and Laertes fell into the cleverly placed net of Claudius and renounced his best friend.
As a result, Hamlet finds himself in a hopeless situation: no matter what he does, it will invariably lead him to betrayal. If he refuses to fulfill his filial duty and avenge his father, he will betray his memory and himself; if he agrees, he will betray other people to whom he is dear. Hamlet comes to the conclusion that revenge is the only thing that should guide him in life. He is obliged to take revenge on the treacherous killer, even if for this he has to sacrifice his feelings and betray his beloved. This is the whole tragedy of Hamlet: in order for justice to prevail, he betrays himself, his true essence, the principles by which he lived. The fate of the main character is predetermined and a sad ending is inevitable.
- A.S. Pushkin "The Captain's Daughter" .
A striking example of a traitor in Russian literature is the minor character of the novel A.S. Pushkin “The Captain's Daughter” Alexey Shvabrin. He turned out to be capable of the most terrible treason - betrayal of his homeland. This characterizes him as a weak-willed, cowardly person who acts only in his own interests. Shvabrin is alien to worthy actions, he does not know the sense of responsibility and devotion to his word.
Shvabrin was exiled to the Belogorsk fortress for participating in a duel in which one of the participants was killed. His true nature begins to manifest itself at the very beginning of the events described, when it becomes noticeable with what contempt he treats those around him. The author characterizes this character as a soulless, cynical person who is capable of slandering an innocent girl simply because she preferred someone else.
Pyotr Grinev, being a noble man, considers it his duty to defend the honor of his beloved, so he challenges Shvabrin to a duel. The main character could not even think that a person with an officer’s rank would be able to violate the terms of the duel and unfairly wound him, taking advantage of the moment.
All his further actions cannot be compared in their baseness with the betrayal of his native state. To save his life, he easily swears allegiance to Pugachev. Shvabrin quickly found himself among the rebel elders, thanks to his ability to grovel. However, when the false king became aware of the betrayal, meanness and deception of this man, he changed his attitude towards him. Pugachev knew that he who betrayed once would definitely betray him a second time. Shvabrin disgraced the honor of an officer; he was far from such concepts as duty to the Fatherland, loyalty to the oath and devotion to his word.
- M.A. Bulgakov "The Master and Margarita" .
In the novel M.A. Bulgakov's "The Master and Margarita" raises many problems, one of which is the problem of betrayal. According to Woland, people are created to make mistakes, and good and evil are inextricably linked. Therefore, next to devotion there is always betrayal; it is not uncommon in this world. An example of such betrayal is the act of Judas.
Judas not only betrayed Yeshua, he sold him, exchanged his life for thirty tetradrachms. The thirst for profit forced Judas to commit an act, the price for which was the life of not only Yeshua, but also his own. Money played a decisive role; it overshadowed all those qualities that make a person human. Judas made his choice; he could not refuse, deceiving the one who fought for freedom and truth.
Another traitor in the novel is Pontius Pilate. He betrays justice, betrays himself, his ideals. That is why he could not find peace after death. He understood that he was doing wrong, but out of fear of ruining his career, he sent to death a man of whose innocence he was sure. The punishment for this betrayal was immortality, full of repentance and awareness of one's own guilt.
M.A. Bulgakov wanted to show that every person on his life’s path is faced with the problem of choice. And how he acts in certain conditions depends only on himself. The novel “The Master and Margarita” is proof that at all times people succumb to their vices. But loyalty, dignity and nobility will forever remain in value.
- N.M. Karamzin “Poor Liza” .
The story of N.M. Karamzin “Poor Liza” is a story about love and betrayal. The author wanted to show how highly mutual feelings can elevate a person, and how much betrayal can hurt. This is a true story about the cruelty and fickleness of human nature.
One of the main motives of the story is the motive of betrayal. It is Erast’s betrayal that forces the girl to take a desperate step and take her own life. Lisa considers her lover's engagement to another woman to be treason. This act showed the girl that Erast no longer loved her. And since he was the meaning of her life, his departure left the main character no choice but to drown herself in the pond.
In fact, Erast betrayed Lisa long before his engagement. While still next to her, he lost interest in his beloved after their intimacy. Before this, the young nobleman dreamed of living with his “shepherdess”; it was the inaccessibility of the young innocent girl that attracted him. Therefore, after their love ceased to be platonic, this relationship ceased to interest Erast and began to weigh on him. Lisa felt this and began to fear losing her loved one. Even then, love stopped bringing her happiness, bright feelings turned into a difficult test. The girl understood that her lover was moving away from her. Erast came on dates less and less often, and soon went to war. His departure forever deprived poor Lisa of peace; melancholy and despair became her constant companions.
Consequently, Erast’s betrayal destroyed the main character long before she learned about his betrayal. After all, his engagement was just the last drop in the ocean. With this act, the young man ruined not only Lisa’s life, but also his own. From the end of the work it becomes known that he was never happy again. Erast could not forgive himself for betraying the love of the one who lived and breathed him.
What to do after betrayal
After being betrayed, most of us want two things, usually at the same time. We want to hurt the person who hurt us as deeply and painfully as we were hurt, and we want to rise above the situation and offer that person forgiveness. But none of these tactics work. Insulting words tend to boomerang and make you feel just as bad as the person you meant to hurt. Forgiveness, especially half-forgiveness, tends to appear as forbearance.
However, there are actions you can take to heal yourself. Every pain has a story, just like every healing. But what we can say is this: you can heal yourself when you fill the hole left behind by betrayal, and you can heal another person when you truly let go of the need for revenge.
Love makes you merge with another person, able to feel their emotions as keenly as your own. If you have experienced such a connection, you know that it is a kind of ultimate reality - when that connection is broken, it is like you lose half of yourself.
Arguments
- In order to commit treason, you need to go against your conscience.
- Every betrayal has its own price.
- Betrayal is a deliberate deception of the trust of a loved one.
- Betrayal is the abuse of someone's trust for your own benefit.
- The traitor was initially given too much trust, which he cannot justify.
- Traitors are people who do not know how to value trust.
- By betraying others, people destroy themselves.
- The problem of betrayal has existed at all times.
- Most often, a person first encounters betrayal in childhood.
- The first experience of betrayal shatters previous ideas about life.
Summarizing
So, betrayal is a painful stage in the life of every person.
To be betrayed means to be left without a close friend or partner. Betrayal can also be called treason. There are several types of betrayal, each of which has its own characteristics. A negative opinion about traitors has developed since the creation of the first societies. After betrayal, the most important thing is not to give up and move on. It doesn’t matter whether you take revenge on your friend or partner, forgive him or forget him. The main thing for you is to be happy. Ask your question to granddaughter Anna here
Best Quotes
Many phrases have been written and said about devotees and betrayers, many songs have been sung and many films have been shot. Top 5 quotes:
- “Traitors betray themselves first of all” (Plutarch).
- “You can’t go back to the traitors. It is forbidden. Bite your elbows, chew the earth, but do not return to where you were once betrayed” (Jean Reno).
- “Someday you will understand that there are people who never betray, but to do this you will have to go through a lot of betrayals” (Konstantin Khabensky).
- “Honesty and fidelity are dear gifts, which should not be expected from cheap people” (George Bernard Shaw).
- “To believe the oaths of a traitor is to believe the piety of the devil” (Elizabeth I).
It is best, of course, to know about the concept of “betrayal”, its types and how adultery differs from state treason only in theory. But, unfortunately, everyone goes through this one way or another.
Treacherous behavior leads to pain, disappointment, and sometimes even loss of meaning in life. The decision whether to forgive traitors ultimately remains with everyone who put a knife in the hands of the wrong person.
A friend complained to her boss
Over the past couple of years, I have become close friends with my colleague. We have almost the same positions, we are both account managers in an advertising agency. We became such close friends that I began to trust her with all my secrets!
Once I made a big mistake in my work. I quickly corrected it, and no one knew about the existence of the error except my friend.
But one day at a planning meeting, my boss publicly reprimanded me! It turns out he learned everything from my colleague. I think that I have encountered betrayal, and I do not need such friendship.
Katerina, 29 years old
How to survive?
It’s a shame when you are “surrendered” to your mother, teacher, boss. Perhaps the friend was guided by her own career interests, perhaps she wanted to increase her importance in the eyes of her boss.
But whatever her motives, betrayal remains betrayal. Here all that remains is to sympathize and advise not to give up trusting people in the future.
My friend fired me from her job
For a long time I could not find something to do that I liked and was unemployed. One day, my friend, who manages a fairly large company, suggested: Anya, how about I hire you as my assistant?
According to a friend, she cannot trust anyone, since each of her colleagues is aiming for her chair. And she could trust me as a family member.
I, a stupid woman, agreed. I thought - why not help? And then it began. My friend sent me a barrage of criticism.
Either I sent the documents at the wrong time, then I didn’t answer her call in the middle of the night, or I looked at my colleague with the wrong look. A friend set me some absolutely impossible tasks!
One fine day she told me: “Anya, I’m disappointed in you and have to fire you.” It was like a bolt from the blue!
During my time working in this company, I was forced to refuse two very tempting offers. I didn’t want to quit and betray my friend! And it turned out that she betrayed me.
Anna, 31 years old
How to survive?
Business hierarchical relationships with friends or relatives are always fraught with tension.
Expectations are high on both sides: the boss often expects selfless devotion and sacrifice from his subordinate friend, while the subordinate friend expects concessions and special conditions.
In addition, questions not of friendship, but of status come to the fore: why is she, the boss, commanding me? On what basis does a subordinate behave in a familiar manner?
Both lose! Issues of work, status and hierarchy have destroyed more than one friendship.
Why? Because in close relationships we often dissolve our boundaries, but at work we try to strictly observe them. This results in a dangerous confusion of contexts.
A friend didn’t help me get a good job
For several months I dreamed of taking the position of sales director in a foreign company. Legends were made about this company in our circles - they spoke well of literally everything: from the size of bonuses to the scope of corporate events.
But most importantly, I liked the product itself. This was what I know how to sell and want to sell. It seemed to me that this job was literally created for me. But there was never an opportunity to get there.
And then I find out that the head of the HR department in that company is my old friend from college. We didn’t communicate for some time, but we didn’t quarrel, and I still have the warmest memories of my student friendship.
I thought I had caught my luck by the tail! But my friend refused my request to recommend my candidacy to management. He motivated the refusal by saying that he would feel embarrassed if I failed to cope with the tasks.
I've never encountered anything like this! In my understanding, friends should help! Otherwise, it turns out that your friend betrayed you?
Andrey, 30 years old
How to survive?
One gets the feeling that Andrei confused betrayal with elementary refusal. There is nothing unexpected in the fact that the person did not want to mix friendly and business relationships.
Each of us has the right to take care of our status and reputation, even to the detriment of the interests of others. The friend didn’t want to take risks: what if Andrei turned out to be incompetent? Then the reputation of the HR person who recommended him will suffer.
For adults, refusal is usually not a reason to break off friendships.
What is the difficulty?
First you need to figure out what you yourself understand by the word “betrayal.” Every person has an internal scale by which he evaluates the actions and behavior of other people. Thus, he draws conclusions about how his environment treats him. But this scale is very subjective and is directly dependent on a person’s attitude towards himself. One will calmly react to the numerous infidelities of a spouse, while for another, even neutral communication on a social network will be regarded as a violation of fidelity.
There is no right or wrong attitude here, but there is a line beyond which betrayal begins for you. And it is very important to clarify this not only for yourself, but also for loved ones. They must understand what can hurt you and what you cannot forgive under any circumstances.
A friend got married!
Of course, this sounds a little strange, but I consider it a betrayal... The marriage of my best friend.
Not marriage itself, of course, but the fact that after marriage she completely stopped giving me time and does not take my feelings into account.
We have been friends since childhood and spent almost all our free time together. And now she even reacts dryly to my phone calls. I don't demand that she go with me to concerts and restaurants every day like I used to.
But is a man a reason to cut a girlfriend out of life?
Marina, 32 years old
How to survive?
Oh, this jealousy! Like a three-year-old child who suddenly realized that mom and dad were closing their bedroom door for some reason.
Unfortunately, everything in this life sometimes ends: both youthful friendship and blissful ignorance that someone can belong to you entirely.
If Marina can accept the fact that her friend, in fact, does not owe her anything, the relationship will be able to improve and move into a new format. Friendship can be not only youthful, but also adult: with respect for the personal space of the other.
Friends spread gossip
My friends and I are like in the movie “The Irony of Fate” - we go to the bathhouse. And not only on December 31, but every week. The conversations we have in the sauna are the most intimate.
I thought that I could trust my men, and the content of our conversations would not go beyond these walls. But the reality turned out to be sadder.
It turns out that my (now ex) friend Sasha was telling his wife about my problems with my girlfriend, and my friend Dima (also ex) managed to tell his mutual acquaintances what a loser I am because I don’t earn much.
Sergey, 24 years old
How to survive?
If there was no agreement to keep a secret, then there is no one and nothing to blame. It seems that Sergei is ashamed of his problems and does not want them to be known to a wide circle. A completely understandable desire!
It is possible that the friends did not want to offend at all: they were simply not aware of how intimate things were being shared with them, and how important confidentiality was.
Although discussing someone behind their back is, in any case, basic bad manners.
