How to survive the betrayal of loved ones - mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, lover: advice from a psychologist

This article describes advice from psychologists on how to survive the betrayal of loved ones at work.

If a loved one betrays, it always leaves a deep and painful imprint on the soul, and then you lose the ability to believe in such positive phenomena as friendship and even love. But sometimes such events can be regarded as a necessary evil, a way to free yourself from addiction.

In some cases, surviving a blow such as the loss of a friend or loved one will become easier if you take help and advice from an experienced specialist.
Surviving the betrayal of a loved one is not an easy process.
But it is necessary to follow this path in order to preserve or even revive such important beliefs for life as faith in other people and their loyalty to each other.

Every person, regardless of his position, including social, has to face the betrayal of his best friend or loved one at least once in his life, but in the end he finds the strength to rise up and regain the will to live.

How to survive betrayal: what kind of phenomenon is this from a psychological point of view?

It is difficult to survive betrayal.
To combat psychological illnesses, you need to understand their essence, and in particular what kind of actions people call the word “betrayal”, their reasons, thoughts, feelings. What kind of phenomenon is this from a psychological point of view?

In a general sense, betrayal is considered to be a violation of fidelity or refusal to fulfill one's duty.
The moral laws of any society call for condemning traitors and their actions as a violation of a self-evident taboo.
By betraying, such people destroy trusting relationships between people, thereby undermining the moral foundations of the social structure.
This naturally leads to disruption of the stability and sustainability of society.
Violations of the “laws” of honesty and fidelity are considered especially painful.
Once deceived, people not only cease to trust the apostate, but also begin to be suspicious of each other.
Their lives become increasingly closed, and fear of trusting anyone becomes the norm.

The result of this process is not only an alien attitude, but also open hostility towards other people.

How can you tell if a betrayer feels guilty?

Most honest people will feel extremely uncomfortable after betrayal and will try to correct the current situation. Sometimes a banal “sorry” may be enough for a person, and sometimes it becomes clear how they are heartbroken and even after forgiveness they try with all their might to make amends. Although this does not happen very often.

Why don’t people who betrayed feel guilty? This phenomenon can occur for various reasons. Perhaps somewhere deep down they harbor a grudge against their friend or lover. Or they are simply not used to repenting for their actions and consider themselves always right. Be that as it may, only you can definitely decide whether to forgive this person or not.

Reasons for betrayal: why do people betray?

People betray: reasons
It is impossible to say who cheats more often - men or women . But betrayal or betrayal in any case is difficult. The reasons for any betrayal will always be:

Selfishness
Weakness
Unawareness
A person's inability to understand the reason for his own actions

All this taken together allows us to call the traitor an unreasonable person. It also helps to recognize the truth that anyone can betray. Moreover, regardless of their relative, financial or social status, regardless of any moral barriers.

Often, betrayal is almost always a sign of ordinary weakness. This is the inability not to follow the simplest path of renouncing all obligations to a person, all responsibility.

Main factor

A key factor in this type of trauma is relying on the betrayer. Victims cannot let go of the situation because they are emotionally or physically dependent on their counterpart. That is, they delegate to the traitor the solution to part of their needs.

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The inability of another person to satisfy existing needs forces the victim to adapt to the situation more carefully. This is necessary to maintain the standard of living at previous values, form an attempt to survive, and the desire to maintain outdated relationships.

How to survive betrayal, betrayal, deception of a loved one - your wife: advice from a psychologist

It is difficult to survive betrayal, betrayal, deception of a loved one - his wife.
From the above, it is clear that the most destructive effect on a person is betrayal in love. This is the most painful and difficult, erasing the purest and most sincere feeling of a person. All this is replaced by unbearable pain, which seems impossible to get rid of. Here are the psychologist’s tips on how to survive betrayal, betrayal, deceit from a loved one - your wife :

Think about the fact that many people have had to go through a similar test in their lives, or are about to go through it.
You are not the only one who suffers, since love and betrayal are inseparable phenomena by their nature.
Betrayal has a positive side: a betrayed man is forced not only to suffer, but also to learn to be wise and cultivate strength in himself.
In this case, finally give up the illusions you were in before.
Betrayal, in a sense, inoculates against weakness, bestowing greater vitality and life experience.

Unfortunately, the necessary role of traitors in the lives of other people is to be their “teachers”, designed to bring experience not to trust people. Living without trust in others is not only difficult, but also impossible in principle. Therefore, each person is forced to trust someone, but choosing allies and support with all the required foresight and caution.

How to survive the betrayal of friends: advice from a psychologist

It is difficult to survive the betrayal of friends, a girlfriend.
It is much easier for a person to survive the betrayal of friends, a friend for a man or a girlfriend for a woman . Such an outcome of events is not capable of completely devastating the soul of a devotee, although it will cause emotions to a certain extent painful. Here are the psychologist’s tips on how to survive the betrayal of friends:

You should remember that choosing friends is a priori one of the most responsible and difficult activities.
The chosen friend plays the role of a reflection of the person choosing him, proving the truth of the phrase: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are .
Therefore, next time, choose a friend with careful and close attention, so as not to one day call a well-disguised enemy an ally.
The traitorous friend played an excellent role as a “teacher” for you. Of course, you are now deprived of hope not only for your friend, but also for other people.
Therefore, you need to believe in yourself and in your own strengths.
This lesson is useful, because in most life situations you, like other people, have to rely, if not exclusively, then primarily on your own capabilities.
Just know that everything in this life comes back like a boomerang.
Other people, even if they occupy an important role in his life, at any moment can do to your traitor the same way they recently did to you.

Even with seemingly incredible cruelty, a person who has been abandoned or deceived at the most crucial moment must go through this. As mentioned above, taking into account the likelihood of such a development of events, the traitor himself often needs to go through this one day. Thinking about this will make you feel better because you understand that he will be punished and will also suffer.

Now, having such experience, you will be ready for betrayal. You will try not to let other people get too close to you, because you understand that if betrayal comes as a surprise to you, then you will be primarily to blame for this. After all, you turned out to be unprepared for betrayal and, in fact, exposed yourself to attack.

How to survive personal collapse, betrayal: what is the fault of the betrayed?

Experiencing personal collapse, betrayal
Betrayal looks disgusting and unexpected. But we should not forget that the devotee himself is to a certain extent guilty of being deceived one day. How to survive personal collapse and betrayal? What is the fault of a devotee? Here is the answer:

People tend to look at loved ones and friends through rose-colored glasses, attributing to them the best moral qualities, such as loyalty, reliability, compassion, and responsiveness.
They cannot even imagine that perhaps in reality everything will turn out to be completely different. This process is called “idealization.”
As a result, a person can call it not only reluctance to do something as betrayal.
Even a simple inability, the lack of opportunity for loved ones to sacrifice their feelings, time, money or something else important for a person, can be taken as betrayal.
Often a devotee himself finds himself in the position of an egoist, placing too high expectations on his loved ones. They turn out to be so overwhelming that people, due to external circumstances, cannot justify them. In this case, the person calls “betrayal” the refusal to get what he wants right away.

That is, betrayal can often be not the trampling of unwritten moral and ethical laws, but the ordinary discrepancy between a person’s expectations and the real state of affairs. Therefore, think, perhaps a personal collapse is just a minor trouble that will soon pass, and then you will remember it with a smile.

How to survive the betrayal of a child - son, daughter: tips

Surviving the betrayal of a child
The soul of a betrayed person is always captured by conflicting emotions: rage and thirst for revenge on the one hand, and confusion with regret about lost relationships on the other. Often, adult children betray their elderly parents, abandoning them to their fate. In this case, it is difficult for a mother or father to survive such a betrayal. After all, a child is a little blood, the most dear person to a parent.

In such a state, you cannot remain alone with your grief and do everything possible to gain faith in people and self-confidence. How to survive the betrayal of a child - son, daughter? Here are the tips:

A person must take responsibility for his life into his own hands.
Think about the fact that the child will come to his senses and still come to you with a guilty head. ,
Accept the truth, of course, it is difficult, but it will be easier to survive the negative feeling that when faced with betrayal, you are freed from addiction.
Negative emotions can be released by writing several angry letters to your daughter or traitor son.
Engage in activities that bring positive emotions every day.
Eliminate such destructive thoughts as “People cannot be trusted” and “Anyone can become a traitor, even your own child.”

If all else fails, then appropriate sessions with a psychologist will help you break out of the vicious circle of negative emotions.

Should betrayal be forgiven?

The answer to this question in each case is strictly individual. It all depends on the severity of the person’s act. For example, sometimes just talking to a friend is enough to make him realize his guilt and no longer betray your trust. In some cases, the offender may sincerely repent of his actions, but this still will not stop him from repeatedly hurting a loved one.

So one thing is for sure. Forgiving a person is a very noble and courageous act, for which the person himself is responsible. If you have forgiven a friend or loved one, subconsciously be prepared for the fact that an unpleasant event may happen again in your life. Of course, you should not completely change your relationship with a loved one, but protect yourself from the next portion of pain that may be inflicted on you.

How to survive a lover's betrayal: advice from a psychologist

Betrayal by a lover
For many women, a lover is the only and most beloved and dear person. When he betrays, it is also unpleasant and painful. A woman becomes a victim of deception. Here are the psychologist's tips on how to survive your lover's betrayal:

Remember that this is only a temporary stage of your life from which you need to learn the right lessons.
As a result of this, the situation and the experience gained will make you stronger.
With a 100% guarantee, we can say that in a few years you will be able to say “thank you” to the very betrayal that opened your eyes and strengthened you.
You shouldn’t wallow in despair and try to make ends meet or feel depressed.
After all, everything will work out, and you will find that same, beloved and only person.

Don't be alone with yourself. Go for a walk with your friends, distract yourself with something. Every day it will become easier for you, and you will be able not only to forget your offender, but also to meet a new love who will make you happy.

How to learn to forgive people

Now you know a lot about why people are betrayed. However, to learn to forgive people, such knowledge will not be enough. Try to comprehend everything properly, putting yourself in the shoes of your offender. Perhaps he had good reasons for betrayal that you are not aware of.

In most cases, it can be extremely difficult to completely calm down while experiencing severe mental pain. Emotions will every now and then take precedence over reason and come out. Try to stay sane. Cry and scream when you are alone with yourself, throwing out all the negativity.

As soon as you manage to regain your sober mind, you will be able to understand the situation in full and see two sides of the coin at once. Perhaps after this you will be able to completely forgive the person for the act committed, finding part of the guilt for what he did within yourself. Or at least you will be able to learn a valuable life lesson from all this.

How to survive betrayal at work: tips

Betrayal at work
What one person considers betrayal, another may perceive as a simple misunderstanding. Several dozen people can work in one office, and they are all different in character and personal preferences. Therefore, someone may accept this or that situation as a betrayal, while for others it is just a slight misunderstanding. Here are tips on how to survive betrayal at work:

Assess the situation:

Define the parameters of what happened and ask questions if the problem is unclear.
For example, you discover that your name was not included in the main report to which you contributed.
Find out whether it was intentional or careless.

Soften the situation:

It’s another matter if you suddenly discover, for example, that a colleague took out a loan in your name, framing you.
Naturally, how you survive such a situation should be based on your relationship with your colleague.
If this is a person you have known for a long time and who has never exhibited deceitful behavior in the past, having a frank conversation is about finding out what is really going on.
On the other hand, if you've had a run-in with a problematic co-worker and the deception tactics are escalating, it's time to seek mediation from your manager.

Unrealistic expectations:

Sometimes what seems like a betrayal is actually an unrealistic expectation.
For example, if you expected to be promoted to department manager when your immediate supervisor retired. But instead, another person from outside was hired. You may feel that what was rightfully yours has been taken away.
This situation may actually exist. It could also be a misconception that you had in your head, but it didn't actually happen.
Determine the validity of the circumstances before jumping to conclusions.

Outright betrayal:

There are cases when a malicious or deceitful act is clearly not a misunderstanding, but rather a deliberate attempt to ruin a relationship, even a working one.
If the employee you are working with exhibits this type of behavior, you can handle the situation in one of the ways available.
It is necessary to confront your colleague, clarify the situation, express your concern and anxiety.
Find a way to solve the problem and work through it to preserve the professional relationship.

If all your attempts are in vain, and you understand that because of this situation at work, something really terrible is happening in your life, bring the information to a senior manager.

The consequences of betraying a loved one

Betrayal hurts and causes psychological trauma to the rescuer, which very often “breaks” the whole life of a completely innocent person.

And as an example, I will cite the fact that men often leave and betray their wives when their financial situation becomes different, and they, having become rich, leave their previous family. Their native wives were often their rescuers in difficult situations, but now they can’t stop them with a stamp in their passport. Even children don’t stop them in this case.

And the second example is when close friends take advantage of the financial situation of a richer friend, and very often simply “set her up”, which is akin to betrayal. According to psychologists, this situation occurs quite often.

Betrayal by loved ones invariably leads to a breakdown in relationships. One of her friends took out a loan, and indicated not her phone number, but her wealthy friend’s. She didn’t pay off the loan, and now first the bank and then the collectors start calling this wealthy friend with threats. And a friend often extended a helping hand and saved us with money, food, and even things.

And you considered her a close friend, and now you are paying off her debts

This is how easy it is to abandon, leave, set up, betray completely innocent people who saved you in a difficult situation, and most importantly, they also then lose faith in the good... By sacrificing yourself and saving someone, you risk ending up in the ranks, who was betrayed, especially if you don’t really know the person. You must always be vigilant so as not to be among those who are betrayed.

Stories of women who experienced pain and betrayal: reviews

Women who have experienced pain and betrayal
If you cannot survive pain and betrayal on your own, then read the stories of other women who have gone through it. Here are their reviews:

Margarita, 27 years old

My boyfriend invited the girl he had slept with before to spend Christmas with us. In general, he and I decided to spend the holiday with a friend. When he came to pick me up, this girl was in the car with him. As soon as I saw her, I started shaking all over. I looked at him and asked: “Are you serious?” However, he blamed his friend for inviting her. Worst of all, she was drunk. But I went to see what would come of it all. On the way to the party, she tried to start a conversation. When we arrived, he was already drunk. As a result, I found him in another room with this girl in bed. That's the whole story - it's a real betrayal, deceit and treason. Naturally, I broke up with this person.

Tatyana, 28 years old

I caught my ex-husband cheating when I was eight months pregnant. I got scared, hit him and slapped the other woman. Then I returned home, put all his things in a cardboard box and sent it to his mother's house. That same day I started having contractions. My daughter was born a little thin, but healthy. She is now 14 years old. I remarried and now I'm happy. My ex-husband drank himself to death, and now I don’t know where he lives. And I don't care either.

Yulia, 24 years old

My boyfriend was very sweet and always told me he loved me. However, we rarely met, since, according to him, he was busy with work. I trusted him 100% and we spent entire weekends together. One day I was waiting for him, but he didn’t come, explaining that he was sick. Later I found out that he was at the party. He also didn’t show up the next weekend, and three days later he broke up with me via SMS, explaining that I was too focused on my studies. A few months later I found out that he cheated on me with his ex. He also had connections with retired colleagues in exchange for money or gifts. It seems strange for a guy, but it happened. It had a huge impact on my self-esteem at the time. But now I'm glad that I got rid of this “piece of garbage”.