Statuses about love and pain
It happens in life that you love someone who causes you unbearable suffering, but you don’t need to hurt someone who appreciates you, because for someone you are nothing, but for him the whole world...
The heart whispers about pain, time tries to calm down, but the memory will constantly remind you of that unrequited love.
I know that you loved autumn most of all, and I loved summer. But time has passed and now I like autumn, and you... well, you love something else...
- Hello, Pain! – Hey, I’m actually Love! - Oh, sorry, you are so similar that I always confuse you.
Best status: The paradox of life is that instead of running away from someone who hurts us, we try to get even closer to him.
I'm smart, pretty, purposeful. But the one who owns this happiness does not value me. Losing it will hurt, that's for sure. But I can’t cause him suffering, because I love him.
My good one! Here comes the pain, just as you ordered! Where to put?
The student is suffering, he is lying sick, his fate is inexorable. Pills cannot help, love is now incurable!
You can’t kill first, then whisper: I didn’t do it on purpose. You can’t betray all the time, then pray: I’ll correct myself - for sure. You can’t first belittle and then ask: sorry for the joke. You can’t run away cowardly, saying that you went out for a minute. Can't go back
Over time, your “darling, don’t be afraid, we will succeed” develops into something like “call me when you calm down and deal with your problems”
It’s evening again, again the phone is silent, again the sadness turns into a serious monolith. But faith in the best does not leave me, and only God knows what will happen next...
The end. I'm tired. I switch off. I will try to start my life again... Only you won’t be in this life.
It's just a game... you didn't know a lot about him.
Joyful laughter gave way to a minute of silence
My heart was breaking into pieces and I said: 'This is for luck!'
Some people can be forgotten in one day, while others remember their eyes years later...
I won’t tell you “STOP!” I’ll just silently look after you and stay with you forever.....
It always seemed to me that as soon as I said “I love you” everything would collapse. And I didn't say. And everything fell apart.
FUCKED is when you stand, hug him, his friends are standing next to him... And then one of them says: He doesn’t love you anymore. And you say: It’s not funny, is it, dear? And he looks at you, removes his hand from yours, and says: Sorry...
You have to be able to close a boring book, leave a bad movie and part with people who don’t value you...
Love is such a thing, either you... or you... although I thought that there was no such thing in our relationship... but I was wrong...
-All that’s left of love is status...
Loving someone who loves you is narcissism. Loving someone who doesn't love you, that's love.
I ask you to change. become the one you loved.
you know, it’s better to die from your absence than from the pain caused by your round-the-clock indifference
He spoke hot words at every meeting, He was affectionate and carried him in his arms... I was happy at that time, But He crippled all the beautiful dreams, The world of love and beauty..
Yesterday - beloved, now - acquaintance, Yesterday it was yours, now - nobody's
Karma of loved ones
This is the first option, when, according to the theory of karmic connections, we come into the world to solve some kind of karmic problem.
And close people help us solve it.
For example, if you are a very touchy person, then you will be “offended” by your parents, then by your girlfriends, and then by your partner.
But I put the word “offend” in brackets, because perhaps no one intentionally intended to offend you, but you yourself were offended...
The karmic lesson is that we learn self-respect, the ability to calmly discuss the current situation and not silently accumulate pain and resentment in our souls.
Falling in love - what is it for? What is its meaning?
Previously, love with its insatiable thirst for a partner for the first 1.5-3 years was biologically necessary for the survival of the species: so the male remained with the female for a period sufficient to bear the fetus and its primary development.
Today, this state of “blind” love is often greatly overestimated (or greatly devalued).
Despite the fact that our era is no longer so romantic, myths about love remain, love is greatly romanticized and dramatized:
- experiencing it, people often seem to turn into the boys and maidens of the times of Romeo and Juliet;
- They continue to write poems, write books, and make films about her;
- she is pathetically extolled and pathetically hated;
- dedicate their suffering life to her (“I love, love is pain, but I am powerless to change anything”)
- And so on…
And everyone calls this love, confusing it with falling in love.
In modern times, there is no need for a partner's affection for the survival of the species. Often, within 3 years, couples do not even have time to create an official family. And this changes the course of things a lot.
This has its advantages, and the main one, in my opinion, is the opportunity to better study a partner without dopamine addiction. There is an opportunity to understand what it is like with a partner in communication, sex, friendship, everyday life, society, and so on - after all, all this is very important for further life together.
Thanks to his greater general consciousness, modern man has the opportunity to understand all this already in the process of falling in love. It’s just important not to turn a blind eye to this. If something exists now, then without any actions or interactions it itself will not change (and a lot of empty promises too). This is about reality - falling in love itself does not change people (rather, it only shows it).
The thought “love is pain” can hardly arise when it comes to mature love, so this article is devoted almost entirely to the state of falling in love.
While studying defense mechanisms in Gestalt therapy, I realized how similar one of them is to the state of falling in love. And I want to talk about it and draw a direct analogy.
Birth programs
If we look at the birth programs of why loved ones cause pain, then the first thing you need to pay attention to is whether you have attachments to your parents.
Attachments are either strong love for parents or hatred, resentment, anger, guilt...
These negative programs tie adults to their parents (even if the parents are no longer there!) and affect relationships and material well-being.
If your mother was single and believed that men could not be trusted, then out of loyalty to the family , you may meet a partner who will only confirm your mother’s words.
If dad was an alcoholic, and you were offended or hated him, then your partner will most often have such qualities .
Why is this happening?
DNA transmits the entire accumulated experience of our ancestors, their emotions (fears, resentments, anger, guilt). And on a subconscious level we look for similar partners and experience similar emotions.
You can watch the webinars for more details.
Infatuation or love?
Very often I encounter confusion between the concepts of “infatuation” and “love”. Love in its formation includes falling in love as a phase, but falling in love does not necessarily presuppose love in the future.
Falling in love is the first and most emotional phase of entering into a relationship. It is characterized by a high intensity of experiences, thoughts about a partner almost all free (and non-free) time, vivid fantasies about meetings, “butterflies in the stomach” and other “symptoms”.
It has a biochemical basis: when you fall in love, high doses of dopamine are released (as with cocaine), and the areas of the brain responsible for negative emotions and rational decisions “fall asleep.”
Falling in love can develop into love with the appropriate motivation and willingness of partners, but this does not always happen...
Many people believe that the state of drug intoxication of a loved one is love, and that this state must be strived for and constantly maintained. But at the very least it is impossible! And when trying to capture the elusive, the idea arises that love is pain.
Secondly, such a desire makes no sense either biologically or socially. I would like to talk about this in a little more detail.
Yes, love is pain... but only when it is blind
Falling in love is also often called “blind love.” And it is this “blindness” that does not allow the establishment of genuine contact in which a person sees another as he is, and not as he is convenient or wants to see. By the way, this is probably the key difference between love and being in love!
What does the blind desire to merge in a partnership lead to, the desire to constantly feed the state of love or “love is pain when... . .":
Love is pain when unresolved problems accumulate
Obviously, points of conflict will arise. Usually, lovers strive to be similar in everything and extremely avoid differences. Thus, one turns a blind eye to complexity, and these unresolved issues begin to destroy the relationship from the inside.
Love is pain when addiction arises (codependency)
A lover cannot see his life without the other. Almost in the literal sense: he does not exist without a partner and sometimes defines himself through him (“I’m good only because he/she praised me”). Most of his autonomous interests are suppressed - almost everything that differs from the interests of his partner. Everything that the partner does not like and/or becomes a risk of disrupting the “harmonious” fusion is discarded.
Love is pain when the personalities of the partners do not develop separately
And the state of stagnation is not maintained for a long time, which means that in such a “complex” they begin to imperceptibly but confidently degrade.
Love is pain when the image of oneself and another is distorted
Often the images are very polar: either an ideal without flaws, or “the devil in the flesh.” And these images alternately change - there is no middle adequate perception of each other separately and separately of one’s feelings for this other (after all, the other here is a part of me, and I am a part of him).
Love is pain, when confusion arises, where is “mine” and where is “yours”
It is not clear what belongs to whom, difficulties in everyday life, confusion in desires (“we want” instead of “I want”), shared responsibility (personal responsibility is divided in half with a partner, as a result of which no one holds it, in fact), feelings ( one begins to experience the same experiences as the other, unable to separate one’s own from that of others).
Love is pain when there is no living energy in a relationship
Although this is most likely not pain, but simply boredom. Relationships are preserved. Some people like the following example of “ideal love”: “Grandparents walk hand in hand in old age. And they walked like this all their lives.”
In fact, most often there is nothing left in such relationships. And what’s more, sometimes such couples have a rule, whether explicit or not: “a step to the right, a step to the left - execution!” Otherwise, their hands would be separated at least sometimes.
These are people who really just “didn’t let go” of each other, even physically. But for relationships to live, and not exist, they need new, fresh emotional, intellectual and other food, which each of the partners can bring only after “being free.”
It's funny that the last wording sounds so much like prison. And I think that’s how it is - such tied-up relationships are an emotional prison.
Love is pain when there is a desire to take more from a relationship than it can give
If a person cannot satisfy some important needs elsewhere, then he will try to compensate for everything where he can - in existing relationships that “limit” him. But people are multi-needs (have many different needs), and relationships cannot satisfy all the needs of each partner.
Love is pain when fear and/or guilt for contacts with the world outside the couple appears or intensifies, and such desires and attempts of the partner are denied and angered
At the same time, in such a situation, anger also arises at the partner “tying me up” (“because of him I ...”, “for his sake I ...” - and often the partner does not need this). Suspicion, envy, excessive jealousy and, ultimately, “quiet embitterment” appear from the inability to live a full emotional life.
Do you recognize any “symptoms” of the race to fall in love? Do some or much of what is written resonate with you?
So, what do we have today? Confusion in the concepts of blind love and true (mature), strong romanticization and dramatization of the experience of falling in love, a dopamine race, well spurred by the consumer orientation of society (“consume more, chase new experiences”). Who else is surprised that love is pain in the thoughts and feelings of many people?
Indeed, there are many options for how to be together, everyone chooses their own. The most important thing, in my opinion, is that this choice occurs consciously, and not be a “choice without choice.” That is why finding a partner and experiencing falling in love is only part of the spectacle of love. And that is why I pose the question “how” and not the question “with whom”. Again:
“It’s better to be alone than together haphazardly”
In order to be less likely to get hooked on love, you should pay attention to a number of factors. There are quite a few of them, and they deserve special attention, so a separate article will be published on this topic soon.
In the meantime, if you have any feedback, questions, or suggestions, you can write in the comments or sign up for a session if you want to work on your crush.
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“Love is pain... Is it true?”
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“Love is pain... Is it true?”
Psychology of relationships
Now let's look at how this happens in everyday life:
- If we are too attached to our parents and tell them all our troubles and experiences, then at first they will support and even help you, but in any situation (in which they think that you are doing the wrong thing) they will definitely try to give advice. But the advice will be categorical that you shouldn’t do this (get married, change jobs, move). And if you don’t listen to them, then they may remind you of moral and material help...
-How many times have I pulled you out of trouble...
-One marriage is not enough for you...
-I looked after your children, and now you leave me...
I could continue the list of what we can hear from our parents, but I think this is already clear. Why do loved ones hurt?
Because you can’t count on your parents all your life and tell them your experiences, every person should be grateful that their parents gave life, but build their own.
If you solve your problems yourself and choose your own path, then your parents will not dare to tell you.
- It’s such a shame when friends betray you or spread gossip. And if this information was very important to you...
Why is this happening?
Each person has his own scale of conscience and beliefs, what is taboo for you may be the norm for your friend. This explains why most often a close friend becomes a husband’s mistress.
As long as women had common interests, they could support and help each other, but as soon as the status changes, envy or comparison may arise, sometimes even resentment.
People have this quality:
- On the one hand, we do not like weak-willed people, but we use them.
- On the other hand, we don’t like it when a friend “gets into the limelight” and then we discuss them.
Even in friendship there must be a balance in the relationship.
We often hear that a friend is known in trouble, but I want to draw your attention to the fact that a friend reveals his face precisely in joy (In your success!).
While people have a common status, interests and approximately financial situation, then they have something to talk about and discuss, but as soon as the criteria (position) of one of the friends changes, then the interests change.
You've probably heard the following remarks:
-Who was she, I gave her dresses for a date, and now she drives a cool car and doesn’t even say hello.
“I gave him an apartment to live in, but when I got rich, I didn’t even borrow the money.”
Sometimes, from former friends you can hear “horror stories” of your youth or secrets. This suggests that in civilized countries they turn to specialists (psychologists) to solve their problems, and do not tell everything to their friends.
There is little help from friends in such matters, because since you are friends, your thinking is similar, and the way out of any problem is to change your beliefs. But they can harm you later.
Just imagine, either no one knows your life, or they know all the details and experiences about you - in such a situation you become dependent.
At the first scandal with a friend, you may hear very m-no about yourself - and then PAIN is guaranteed for you.
There is only one conclusion: solve your problems with specialists and tell less incriminating evidence about yourself.
- Why did your loved one treat you badly (cheat, scream, leave).
This is generally a very broad topic, I talk a lot about ancestral systems and energy (Relationships depend on the work of the second chakra), but let’s look at the psychological side of the issue.
The first thing we must pay attention to is how he relates to the world:
-A man speaks badly about ex-women (The time will come and he will say the same about you!)
-How does one treat parents, the family in general, and children?
-Attitude towards money (greedy, wasteful, knows how to earn money, survives with periodic earnings).
-Attitudes towards alcohol, gambling, drugs
-His beliefs on the equality of women (Should the wife remain silent and wash her socks, or is there respect?).
-Will he be able to come to your aid at the first call, or will he offer his help himself, or maybe when you need him, he is constantly busy.
The thing is, when women come to me for a consultation and tell me about drastic changes after a year of marriage, I don’t believe it (unless there was a magical intervention).
The first mistake women make is that we fall in love without looking back, and if the words of our chosen one alarm us, we try to shrug it off and translate:
-that he was unlucky with his ex-wife,
-He’s not guilty, -He was set up.
-He won't treat me like that.
-let him get married, and then I’ll re-educate him...
But you can't re-educate people.
You can change yourself and then the person will adapt to your energy or leave, but a worthy person will come to this place.
But it’s not always the man’s fault; sometimes a woman stops taking care of herself. I’m already married, why wear makeup, dress beautifully and go on a diet...
A woman can change dramatically in character, from a sweet, flirtatious girl into an evil saw who saws every evening:
-no money (apartment)
-You can’t even nail a nail
-let your parents help
-What can you do...
But here the question arises again: when you got married, you knew that he didn’t have an apartment and he couldn’t nail a nail...
What were you hoping for???
Of course, each person’s situation is different, but in this article I discussed general issues.
Why do loved ones hurt?
It is from our loved ones that we expect a certain scenario of behavior, but when our expectations are not met, we get offended and feel Pain.
I hope some advice will help you, but if you want to change your life and analyze your situation individually, I invite you to a consultation.
I provide services in magic, fortune telling with Tarot, Runes. Rune Magic. Correction of fate. Opening the flow of “Welfare”, identifying a person’s mission. Individual training “Magic 3D” (I will answer in more detail personally!)
Author's quotes about love
- People who take all trifles to heart are the most capable of sincere love. Lev Tolstoy
- Being loved is more than being rich, because being loved means being happy. Tillier K.
- Separation will teach you to truly love. Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
- You may not be her first, not her last, and not her only. She loved before she loved again. But if she loves you now, what else is wrong? Bob Marley
- It is not beauty that causes love, but love that makes us see beauty. Lev Tolstoy
- Have you ever felt like you were missing someone you've never met? Richard Bach
- You should never wander alone through places where you two have been. Veniamin Kaverin
- Leaving the people you love is suicide. A. P. Chekhov
- The only thing I’m afraid of more than cheating is not finding out about cheating. It's terrible to love a person who no longer deserves it. Vladimir Vysotsky
- I thought it was just friendship until I started getting jealous. Brad Pitt
- Death is worth living, but love is worth waiting for. Victor Tsoi
- Love is when you want to experience all four seasons with someone. When you want to run with someone from a spring thunderstorm under lilacs strewn with flowers, and in the summer you want to pick berries and swim in the river. In the fall, make jam together and seal the windows against the cold. In winter - to help survive a runny nose and long evenings... Ray Bradbury
- Fall in love? Falling in love does not mean loving. You can fall in love and hate. F. Dostoevsky
- If a person is dead, you can't stop loving him, damn it. Especially if he was better than everyone alive, you know? Jerome David Salinger
- If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. If you loved the first one, you wouldn't fall in love with the second one. Johnny Depp
