Funny jokes about brother and brothers

The best jokes about brother

If my brother eats peanuts, he begins to choke, he calls for help, his tears flow. He's not allergic, it's just my peanuts.

My brother dreamed all his life of becoming an astronaut, and I dreamed of becoming a doctor and curing him. I have a five-year-old brother and a Spitz dog. I tell everyone that if they offend me, I will complain to my brother and let the dog go. More than anything in the world, I love my brother, we live with him in perfect harmony, fist in eye, foot in stomach... My brother followed in my footsteps and now he also has a fungus. Frederick was tired of the screams and screams of his nine-month-old brother, and he asked his mother: “Mom, why did we get such a screamer?” - Don't talk about him like that. He was sent to us from heaven. - Ha, sent! Better say that he was pushed out of there! - Is this your brother? - Yes, but he is my distant relative. - How can it be? “I was born first, and he was the eleventh in the family. I'm sitting watching TV. The computer is turned on, my brother left him for the first time that day to wash himself. “Then I hear frantic humming.” Wrapping a towel around his pelvis, the brother, all wet, runs into the room. The head is soaped, there are traces of foam on the carpet. — Changes the status in the ace from “taking a shower” to “washing my hair.” Runs away. Question: Can it be cured? Vasya decided to play a prank on his brother Oleg. I painted the chair especially for this purpose. Oleg comes to him and says: - Kolya, I... - Sit down! - Vasya, I want to tell you... - Well, sit on the chair, and then speak. Oleg sighed and sat down on a painted chair. His brother smiles and says: “What did you want to say?” - Vasya, I put on your trousers today. - Son, mom and I have a gift for you! You'll have a little brother in the spring! - This asshole is being released from prison again... My brother loves to make fun of me. One day he took my mobile phone from me and quietly signed his number “Tsar”. I learned about this at the park. The teacher took the mobile phone away, and a couple of minutes later my brother called. He looked at the screen, answered the call and said calmly: “Your Majesty, the slave is busy now, he will call you back in half an hour.”

Children grow up

It would seem that just yesterday your brother was very little, but today he asks awkward questions and puts you in awkward situations.

Recently I asked my brother if he eavesdrops when I’m alone in a room with a guy. The smart child answered me that he couldn’t - mom and dad were getting in the way and pushing.
My brother became friends with my boyfriend and promised him not to make me nervous so that he could marry me.
The end of the world came for me when my brother demanded my phone number.
Snatching condoms from my bag, my brother ran to my parents screaming: “What kind of candy did my sister buy me?”
I ask everyone to forget the previous status “I’m pregnant”, it was my brother who was joking).
My younger brother is in the army and will be back soon. So I'm having a blast for the last few days!
Ppts she made it... My younger brother is teaching me to drive a car.
My brother told my boyfriend that he is better than my ex!!!
It’s a pity I have a younger brother, it would be cool if he started dating my best friend.
My brother and I decided to go to Mak, I skipped work, and he skipped school.
Yesterday I deleted about 20 people from my friends list, and only then realized that I was coming from my brother’s page.
Most often on social networks I visit my brother’s page, even though we live in the same room.
When I'm going somewhere, it's my younger brother who tells me what it's better not to wear and what it's better to wash.

Jokes about twin brothers

- Excuse me, have you seen my twin brother? - So you already asked.

The administrators at the fitness club I visit are surprised that I go to them six times a week. Instructors from the same club are interested in why I do radically different workouts every other day. And Satan chuckles disgustingly at how my twin brother and I are doing one subscription for two. - You are brothers? - No, we are twins! - Aren’t brothers and twins the same thing? - Not always. For example, we are sisters. A five-year-old child watches with interest as his mother and father bathe his little twin brothers. One screams, roars, throws a tantrum, the second is calm. The child comes up to his father and whispers: “Dad, maybe we’ll leave only the one that’s quieter... My friend Misha has a twin brother listed in his phone as “Kolya Spare Parts.”

Big brother jokes

A young mother returns from the maternity hospital: “Well, son, as you ordered, I brought you a brother.” - Yes, you got everything mixed up: I ordered my older brother!..

Check it out: Drunk Jokes

- Why weren’t you at school yesterday? — My older brother got sick. - What does that have to do with you? - And I rode his bike! - Boris! You are married? - Temporarily. - Didn't understand. - My older brother is at the resort, and his wife is still scolding me instead of him... In kindergarten, children discuss their appearance: - And I have my father’s eyes and my mother’s ears! – And I have my mother’s hair and my father’s nose! – And I have my grandmother’s teeth and my mother’s chin! - And I have my brother’s pants... - What’s wrong with your eye? - Yes, an unsuccessful prank... - What happened? — Do you know a program that simulates a cracked screen on a phone? So I installed this on my older brother’s mobile. He laughed for a long time... - And? - Well, he laughed after I explained everything to him. By that time my eye was swollen...

How wonderful it is to have a brother!

Most often, statuses about a younger brother combine irony and at the same time love for this restless child. He can harm you, but at the same time remain sweet and loved.

How my younger brother got me, all the best is always for him, but for me only the best is for him.
My younger brother thinks I'm the best, so that's true. The child will not lie.
I have a guy who doesn’t care how I dress, whether I wear makeup or not - and this is my brother. He loves me no matter what I look like or what my mood is.
I know that my younger brother only asks if I want tea when he wants to ask me to brew it.
They were waiting for a sister, and a brother was born. Pfft... I wanted a girlfriend, but I have to put up with him.
My brother was only brought home from the maternity hospital yesterday, and he’s already drooling on my laptop!
Thanks to my brother, I learned to hide my tears, because all my childhood he teased me with his roar!
My requests are simple - I want to find a guy who is as economical as my dad, and as strong and handsome as my brother.
When I'm having a bad day, only my brother can cheer me up. “I would like your problems!” - says this wise six-year-old man.
If I take an apple that grows on a tree, then I will reach it. And if I beat my younger brother and take him away, I will achieve it. It's good to have a brother, he teaches me to achieve my goals.
As children, my brother and I often fought, but now we are best friends.
If only my brother would always be like in the photographs - handsome, smart. And most importantly - silent!

An anecdote about three brothers and a cow

Once upon a time there lived three brothers. They had a father and mother, and father and mother had a cow. They milked that cow, sold the milk, and that’s how they lived. Just one day, take a cow and die! And the father and mother died of hunger. And three brothers went around the world to seek the truth. Whether it was long or short, they reached the seashore. And, I must say, there was a beautiful mermaid sitting on the other side. So the elder brother says: “The mermaid is a witch!” If I ask her to return our father and mother to us, you’ll see what happens!” And he went to the mermaid. “Give us back,” he says, “our mother and I’s folder!” And the mermaid answered him - “If you throw three sticks, I’ll return them!” That's what they agreed on. The eldest strained himself, strained himself, but broke on the second. The mermaid threw him into the sea. Drowned. Well, the middle brother went, but he couldn’t handle that either - and the sea bitch drowned him! It was the youngest's turn. He approaches the mermaid and says: “What are the conditions, beauty?” - Yes, the old ones, well done! Three times in total. - Why is that so? Is four possible? - Can! (The mermaid was surprised) - Or maybe five? - Well, impudent! But five is possible. - What about six, seven, eight? - It’s possible, it’s possible, it’s possible! “Won’t you die like our cow?”

Cool poems for my younger brother

My brother was born. I am, of course, very happy. Only this little brother doesn't get out of bed.

How can you not get angry here? During the day, my brother sleeps all the time, Cries in the middle of the night, But doesn’t want to play!

Everything in the house is now upside down. Everyone cares about him. Even I need to be an example for my brother.

I'm trying, I'm ready! Only my brother doesn't know the words. He only says “mom”, and even then it’s so strange!

Time is passing slowly. My brother has been growing for a long time, But I already know that I don’t like his soul!

I'm not rushing him! I love him so much! He is so good! He looks a little like me... Looks like me!

Dad brought the package, Dad asked me a question: “Waited or not? Happy or not happy? Meet me: this is my brother!”

Yes, of course, I was waiting for you! I collected all the toys to show my brother, to play with my brother...

And now I put it back: Well, what kind of brother is this?! Smaller than a teddy bear This new little brother.

How to understand all this? Who will I have to play with? Mom laughed: “Let him grow up a little.”

Mom and Dad left, and we were alone with the bundle. I bent down lower and he grabbed my finger...

He holds his finger, seems happy! I whispered: “Well, hello, brother!”

Our childhood was full of laughter, There is no candy at home - This is not a hindrance.

We melted sugar and cooked condensed milk. They gave each other stickers and candy wrappers.

Now we have matured, We have become serious, The times have come for great achievements.

I am incredibly rich: I have a brother in my life, I don’t care about troubles, squabbles, I always have a shoulder nearby! And I want to say again Brother - my own blood, Before the people and people, My brother and I - we are not alone! We are together, and it will be so, It is easier for us to carry our banner. As children we played together and looked for adventures. Having found adventures, Having come for payment, Both received equally, So we studied the world! If life teaches you today, Brother, dear, hold on. If it gets worse a hundred times, Together we will break through again, brother!

In my opinion, you are Ostap like Bender, you are noble like Robin Hood. People like you, brother, are no longer found in nature. On your birthday, like a man, like a brother, I want to congratulate you. I wish you an amazing life, leaving legends about yourself!

Little brother, you grow up and become smarter. You are gaining more and more skills and friends. Let all your talents develop and grow. On your birthday, diamonds will fall from the sky into your hands!

Brown-eyed, black-browed, in a word, everything is under the Cossack! We are of the same blood, I know everything will be OK! Do you remember, in the yard once upon a time, I recently remembered, We stood brother for brother... Golden times! Did something change when we became older? ? The vodka remained bitter and the lemon did not become sour. You and I are in the same frame, We are not threatened by adversity, After all, we have been friends with you for a long time. But enough reasoning! As for myself, my elder brother, on your birthday I wish you wealth of a hundred carats. Let your destiny frolic like a grapevine, so that life, as they say, can be a bright streak.

Brother is born! Brother is born! I am terribly happy, and dad is happy. Of course, you can push your sister in a stroller around the yard, Of course, you can play war and Glavmosstroy with your sister, But still, I’m very glad that I had a brother, And not just some sister... In short - hurray!

I want to wish you, My brother, everything you want! Concerns are on your shoulders, Let your dreams come true! Smiles of sweet, mischievous, reliable loving friends! Advice wise and simple, And the wallet is heavier! May you be lucky in everything, may love be with you, and may happiness be with you for the years to come! And in general - just be yourself!

More than once we seriously argued, You took away my cakes, We always competed in everything - Happy birth to you, brother!

It’s difficult for me when you are around, But you’re not there and immediately bored! I don’t know how to do it better... Don’t allow separation from me!

About the Irish brothers

Three Irish brothers followed one tradition: once a week they went to a pub and drank a glass of beer. Over time, one brother left for Europe and then the two remaining brothers began to take three glasses of beer between them. And when the second brother left the country, the younger one drank all three mugs alone. And then, one fine day, he comes and orders only two mugs. The bartender bitterly tells him: “I’m very sorry for your loss.” - What loss? - the Irishman was surprised - Well, you drink a glass of beer for each of your brothers, so I thought... - Yes, you thought wrong... I raise the first mug for my brother in Europe, the second for my brother in America, but I myself have stopped drinking.

3 283