Origins of the problem
A conflict or quarrel is always a clash of interests of the parties: spouses, relatives, friends, colleagues, boss and subordinate. A quarrel never happens suddenly: as a rule, contradictions accumulate over a long time, and then some last straw causes an explosion of negative emotions and drives a person into passion. In this state, all rational thoughts and ideas that the consequences of this quarrel could be even worse than the quarrel itself are turned off. A person begins to throw out everything that he has accumulated on his partner, and most often he does this extremely thoughtlessly in accusations and claims. If the accusations become mutual, this further aggravates the situation, and the offended people go to their own corners, remaining misunderstood, without achieving their goal. It may also be that the cause of an emotional explosion is a feeling of internal ill-being, which is absolutely not connected with that person who was simply unlucky at a certain moment to fall under your hot hand, and then the resentment will be even stronger.
A quarrel is never constructive, so it is better not to bring a brewing conflict to its climax and try to resolve disagreements as they arise, before the intensity of passions reaches high temperatures. This requires some effort.
Advice one. Try to understand what you want to get out of the quarrel and what your ultimate goal is.
To do this, you need to become aware of your desires, thoughts and feelings.
What needs are hidden behind your desires?
What do you want to achieve from your partner and what exactly do you fail to achieve from him?
Most often, these needs are common to both sides of the conflict: the need for respect, attention, love, the ability to feel free and not subject to the pressure of another person.
Tip two. Try to calmly convey to your partner your expectations, desires or requirements so that he understands what exactly you want to get from him.
If your partner knows what you want from him, then he may be able to give it to you without any quarrel.
Tip three. Don't remember past quarrels and grievances.
In every quarrel, talk only about what happened today, and do not remember what happened a year ago and what grievances, complaints and discontent you have accumulated throughout your life.
Tip four. Be sure to listen to your partner and try to understand his feelings, desires and needs.
Very often, mutual claims hide unsatisfied deep human needs, so it is important to understand what your partner’s needs are and what you can do to satisfy them. Remember that behind your partner’s external indignation or irritation there may be an internal resentment that they do not want to listen to or understand him.
Tip five. Learn to clarify contradictions as they arise so as not to lead to a conflict of interests.
To do this, first of all, you need to learn to understand your own interests and the interests of your partner, as well as to coordinate them. It's not easy, but this approach is the most effective way to resolve conflicts and quarrels. It will ensure that quarrels do not recur in the future.
What if they quarreled?
If a quarrel cannot be avoided, try to make it less destructive. A person’s behavior in a quarrel is a manifestation of strong negative emotions that have accumulated over a long time. The following algorithm will help mitigate the conflict situation.
Step one: try to acknowledge your negative emotions and reduce their intensity.
It is very important to learn to understand what exactly you feel at the time of a quarrel: are you angry, upset, indignant? You need to recognize your emotions and try to direct your negative energy into constructive actions, that is, clearly formulate your emotions, thoughts, complaints and wishes so that you can calmly express them to your partner.
Step two: convey your emotions to your partner without blaming or insulting him.
It is important to express your emotions and complaints to your partner correctly. You should not blame him for being to blame for something or doing something wrong - talk only about yourself, what you think and feel: “I’m upset,” “I’m angry,” “I don’t like your behavior”, “I am not satisfied with your tone of conversation.” This expression of emotion shows that a quarrel is “nothing personal”: you can respect your opponent as a person, but you don’t like some of his actions, and you tell him about it. It is very important to behave as calmly as possible. To do this, do not rush to immediately express everything that has accumulated in you: take a break and take 5-10 deep breaths and exhalations - this will help reduce the intensity of emotions.
Step Three: Acknowledge your partner's feelings and emotions.
Be sure to tell your partner that you recognize his feelings: “I understand that you are angry, angry, dissatisfied,” etc. In this case, it will become easier for him: he will understand that he was at least heard.
Step four: offer a constructive resolution to the controversial situation.
Tell your partner what you would like to receive from him and what you propose to do, but talk only about yourself: “I would like us to discuss this issue,” “I would like us to do this.”
Step five: let your partner speak and listen carefully.
This behavior is very helpful in protracted conflicts. If people regularly quarrel, and during a quarrel they only blame, but do not listen to each other, then their quarrels become simply an outburst of emotions. In this case, the problem is not solved, but is simply postponed until the next quarrel.
Step six: invite your partner to the negotiating table to discuss the problem together.
However, this should be a discussion, and not an ultimatum. During negotiations, watch your behavior: extinguish your negative emotions, convey your complaints in the calmest possible tone and express your proposals, but at the same time be sure to let your partner speak and show a willingness to listen to him. Such an attentive and respectful attitude will help to reveal and understand those deep-seated needs that are often the main cause of quarrels and conflicts.
When the intensity of emotions decreases, you can calmly discuss possible solutions to the problem and find a way out of the conflict situation. At the same time, it is very important not to insist that the solution be exactly the way you see it; this is a dead-end path: one person won and achieved his goal, and the second lost. In this case, the quarrel may flare up with renewed vigor. Cooperation is important in discussion - in this case, you can come to a compromise and find a solution acceptable to both parties.
- Doesn't do any good
- who what. WHO WILL NOT BRING GOOD TO GOOD. Razg. Express Someone or something does not lead to a good, positive result, business, etc. Sergei lived alone in a rich separate apartment, which his friends from those who... ... did not fail to take advantage of.
Women quarrel, disagreement, discord, squabble, (squabble), spat, enmity, goats, discord, discord, hostility, strife, nonsense; ·opposite peace, harmony, friendship, harmony. Quarrels and strife, quarrels and intrigues. Wherever he comes, he will start a quarrel. He is at odds with everyone... Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary
Rather than swear, it’s better to get together and fight. Stop swearing, it's time to fight. What's all the noise and no fight? The women scold so much that their scarves fall off their heads. You can’t take it with your throat, you can’t beg it with abuse. Not everything is done with the throat, the other, and the hands (i.e., a fight). In the fight... ...
It won't do any good
- WHO DOESN'T DO ANYTHING GOOD. WHO WILL NOT BRING GOOD TO GOOD. Razg. Express Someone or something does not lead to a good, positive result, business, etc. Sergei lived alone in a rich separate apartment, which his friends did not fail to take advantage of... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Literary Language
World on beer, with belching (i.e. put on wine). I quarrel with my godfather, I make peace with beer, I quarrel with a stranger and I drink wine. When serving salt, laugh, otherwise you will quarrel (common belief). They don’t give you a knife or scissors (sharp ones) (but you can buy them for a penny). Don't knock your keys... ...V.I. Dahl. Proverbs of the Russian people
AT BAYONETS
- to meet, accept with extreme hostility. This means that a person, a group of persons (X), taking a sharply negative position in relation to another person (Y), to his proposals, instructions, results of activities (P), openly and sharply expresses ... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language
Talking everywhere (good), but nowhere doing business. Not the housewife who speaks, but the one who cooks the cabbage soup. I’m not telling you to be a mocker, but you should think about it! He who interprets less, grieves less. Cut it down, smooth it out, and don’t tell anyone! More to say... ... V.I. Dahl. Proverbs of the Russian people
About disputes, about conflicts.
Truth is born in disputes; but when passions run high, truth evaporates.
To find a common language, you should bite your own a little.
In the heat of a random argument, the arguments that are resorted to are mostly banal, given hastily, at random.
The desire to always object and argue is a sign of immaturity. Unfortunately, more often you encounter timid, not independent thinking, which is perfectly combined with a tendency to argue.
Don’t argue with someone for whom it’s more important to argue than to sort things out.
An argument is an intellectual fight, and the benefits from it are as much as from any fight.
About the controversy. Someone who knows how to inject himself is rarely attempted by others.
Do you need to be able to “Beat”? “To hit” is not necessary, but “to be able to hit” is sometimes very necessary.
There is only one way in the world to gain the upper hand in an argument - to avoid it.
Of the two quarreling, the one who is smarter is to blame. (W. Goethe).
Don’t argue with those for whom it’s more important to argue than to figure things out.
A fight averted is a fight won.
A wise man always sits on a mountain and watches two tigers fight. (Indian wisdom).
In wars of conquest, there often comes a moment when the conquerors exhaust their strength, and the defenders of the devastated country become widely aware of the need to give a crushing rebuff to their enemies. This is the turning point.
Acting as a judge during a conflict is an excellent way to cause general discontent: irritated opponents do not tolerate the intervention of a cold mind - after all, the interests and feelings of the witness are not affected in the dispute. Don't be foolish - don't forget that a quarrel is a game for both sides.
Consent is built. Disagreement destroys.
The law is a restive horse. There is so much chicanery in it that ignorant people are simply amazed. Settle everything without going to court - that's my always motto. (Advocate).
If you want to live in harmony, agree!
The one who is smarter is inferior.
Never argue with a fool - people may not notice the difference between you.
Any war, as we know, ends in peace.
The situation of confrontation does not change or develop anything; moreover, it is detrimental.
War does not solve any problems; victory is just as destructive. As is defeat.
Make a scandal, but don't whine.
Open conflict is an emotional feast for a negative person.
— Psychologists are sure that people who lack self-confidence and for whom the opinions of others are very important most often become victims of pressure. If a person is chosen as a target for bullying, for whom the dislike of the team does not cause any emotions, his colleagues quickly leave him alone.
— When mobbing, persecutors can begin to stigmatize a person of high morals who perceives the world differently than they do.
“The unemployed are especially vulnerable. By the way, people with psychological problems most easily lose their jobs.
Don't belittle your enemies, don't call them offensive names, don't portray them as insignificant. If a mongrel barks at you, you won’t get up on all fours and bark back at her.
Most of the time it happens that you argue because you just can’t understand what exactly is being proven to you. (L.N. Tolstoy)
In a dispute, truth is born, but sometimes common sense dies.
Many people get a (cruel) sense of satisfaction from insulting those who are more educated or more successful than they are. (Dale Carnegie)
Your right is to swear, my right is not to listen. (Aristipus of Cyrene)
read more aphorisms
Violence. Creepy phrases about violence
There is no violence that can deprive us of our freedom of choice.
People should be convinced and taught not with fists, but with reasonable arguments.
I don’t like violence, it just happens to me.
Violence never solves problems, but sometimes, as in the case of cockroaches, it is the only possible answer.
Violence hardens dreamers, but does not reform them.
Violence in society is increasing because people are forgetting about ethics.
Where violent acts are common, they are tolerated.
People ask me all the time about violence in my paintings. I think I show violence differently than other directors. My violence hurts. People need to understand that violence is not a game, it is very painful.
Creepy phrases about violence
Violence feeds on submission, like fire feeds on straw.
I condemn all violence in the education of a young soul who is raised to respect honor and freedom. There is something slavish in severity and compulsion, and I find that what cannot be done by reason, prudence, and skill cannot be achieved by force.
Unmerciful creepy phrases about violence
If you put a knife in a child's heart, he will take it out and stick it in your eye.
Violence does not heal old wounds, but opens new ones.
I am disgusted by violence and intolerance in any form. This will not stop anything and will not achieve anything. The revolution must be carried out in installments. This is complete, blatant nonsense - to hate people because they do not live, so to speak, on our street and do not speak our dialect.
War is a teacher of violence.
Why don't you listen to his words? When does he teach that arbitrariness cannot be defeated by arbitrariness, that violence cannot be answered with violence? That war never ends in victory, but gives rise to another war, that war can bring nothing but another war?
It is not violence that is important, but the presence or absence of lust for power.
Violence never solves anything. By killing someone, you may have solved one problem, but you will carry the burden of murder with you for the rest of your days. A few more murders and there is no room left for your soul to grow. Life becomes a heavy burden, and you somehow crawl through it.
Violence is a valid but primitive argument. It cannot be applied halfway, so if you use it, never stop halfway.
Violence is the last argument of a fool.
Nonviolence is a powerful and sure weapon. This is a unique weapon in history that wins without inflicting wounds. This is a healing sword.
Knowledge is forced, faith is free.
He who beats his wife or child raises his hand to the highest shrine.
Gifted creepy phrases about violence
Those who claim that an idea can make its way without violence are dreamers. You cannot establish a fair order on earth without violence. Groups of people interested in an unjust order will not give up until they are broken by force.
Everything in our world has been turned upside down. People are calm about the violence committed in front of them, but everyone who is different from them disgusts them.
Nothing loosens the tongue of a stubborn silent person better than a little well-timed violence.
A crowd is always violent.
The only thing worse than violence in the world is surrender to violence.
Violence against a person is not violence, but rebellion, for every man is a king.
Be my brother or I will kill you.
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Might is right, only your children will curse you for me.
Is love a duty? No, this is a feeling, and a free feeling, it does not tolerate violence against itself.
There are two peaceful forms of violence: law and decency.
Russian communism is the illegitimate brainchild of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.
The one who dominates minds with the power of truth deserves our veneration, and not those who make slaves by force.
Secret creepy phrases about violence
I'm not a dictator. It's just the look on my face.
If people loved each other more, they would shoot at each other less.
Injustice is achieved in two ways: either by violence or by deception.
There is nothing more disgusting than forced love.
If children can cope with violence in their homes, they can cope with violence in schools.
Only anger and fear force people to use violence.
Only those who do not feel the presence of violence are truly happy.
Anyone who has once proclaimed violence as his method must inexorably choose falsehood as his principle.
Never resort to violence unless you are stronger.
All governments based on violence fall into a funny contradiction: while wanting to keep peoples in a state of weakness, they nevertheless want to become strong with their help.
Still, progress exists: instead of military violence, there is violence without war.
If violence is chaotic, then it is impossible to stop it.
Women run away from home and seek protection from the guardianship authorities, and then take back their scoundrel husband. Why? Because they still love, not the man who abuses them, but the one they married. They again and again look for in him the features of the person with whom they walked down the aisle.
If our life is threatened by any intrigues, violence, weapons of robbers or enemies, then any method of self-defense is justified. For the laws are silent amid the clang of weapons.
Any violent measure is fraught with new evil.
Greedy creepy phrases about violence
Violence is the essence of war.
Domestic violence is the silent killer. The only way to stop it is to speak up about it and let your voice be heard.
Overcome hatred with love, injustice with truth, violence with patience.
You cannot, day after day, act contrary to what you feel without health consequences; crucify yourself in front of what you don’t like, rejoice in what brings misfortune. Our nervous system is not an empty phrase, not a fiction. She is a physical body made of fibers. Our soul takes up space and fits into us like teeth in our mouth. She cannot be raped endlessly with impunity.
Alexander the Great, Augustus Caesar, Charlemagne and Napoleon I Bonaparte founded huge empires. And on what basis did these creations of our genius take place? Based on violence. Jesus Christ alone founded his empire with love... And rest assured that they were all real people, but none of them were like Him; Jesus Christ is more than a man...
Nonviolence takes a long time.
A rapist is a man who proposes marriage to a woman without her consent.
There is a difference between “committing violence” and “being driven to commit violence.”
Conscience is a mother-in-law who comes to your house without asking.
I am against violence. Because when evil seems to do good, that good doesn't last long. But evil remains forever.
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A bad peace is better than a good fight. There is no need for us to quarrel, there is no need to divide the inheritance. To live in peace is to live in peace. Give in to the opposite! Going to make peace yourself is not good; If you send an ambassador, people will know. He didn’t bark at anyone, but they forced him to put up with it. He who knows how to rage cannot get along with anyone. Why put up with someone who doesn’t know how to swear? The mare made peace with the wolf, but did not return home. To quarrel is to waste your soul; fight - shake your heart. He took away a fool (expletive), and he took away a fist. It won't be long before anyone fights with whom. Swearing makes people dry, boasting makes them fat (and vice versa, the evil eye). A pugnacious rooster is never fat. Don't hit it on the head, you'll ruin the memory. At least I wash my floors, don’t call me a washcloth! Swearing is not tar, but akin to soot: it doesn’t stick, it gets dirty. You won’t kill with a word, but you will puzzle (disgrace). Don't swear: your mouth will be unclean. It does not defile the mouth, but defiles it from the mouth. It is not directness that is scolded, but enthusiasm. The dog barks, the nightingale is silent. Peace be with you and I am with you. Where there is harmony, there is treasure. Love quarrel, love peace. Every quarrel is a matter of peace. It's good to scold when the world is ready. Make peace with people, but fight with sins! With whom I fight, I will make peace with. I will fight with a drunk, but I will make peace with a sober one. When they are happy they fight, when they are in trouble they make peace. Good people scold the world. They fight more, so they live more peacefully. Young people scold and amuse themselves; old people scold and rage. By the way, scold, by the way, make peace. Scold in time, but make up in time! By the way, swear, but not by the way, but make up! Don’t keep three enemies for yourself, but make peace with two! You can’t fight forever, and your claws will become dull. Bark, bark, dog, and lick your lips! He scolded a lot, but achieved no good. I fought a lot, but lost everything. Bad silence is better than good grumbling. Grumbles like a fly in autumn. Spit on his threshold so that he won’t know the way to the porch. Shake off the dust from your feet. There would be no bottom for you, no cover, no spirit, no respite. God forbid you quarrel, and God forbid you make peace! To submit to one, to give up to another (about peace). Peace and harmony - God's grace. The affectionate body sucks two queens (but the lively one will not see either). One's own quarrels with one's own, he himself will make peace, but a stranger will pester him - the age will become hateful. Your own dogs squabble, don’t interfere with someone else’s! The first (charka) is zaderikha, the other is non-yielding (not-down). From a word to a knife. The word is not a knife, but it leads to a knife. Scold, swear, but don’t give your hands free rein! Use your tongue as you wish, but don’t give your hands free rein. You won’t have any rights in a fight. Don't hit me in the face: it's more expensive for yourself. Not everything is right and wrong, but it’s not all right. Bet who has the most patches! Instead of fighting, go home. Argue until you cry, but don’t bet! Spit and move away! Don't touch it, it doesn't stink. Rather than swear, it’s better to get together and fight. Stop swearing, it's time to fight. What's all the noise and no fight? The women scold so much that their scarves fall off their heads. You can’t take it with your throat, you can’t beg it with abuse. In a fight, happiness is a great thing. They do not fight (take) by force, but by skill. If you want, fight, but don’t chase the poke. Let's open up: take my head and give me yours! Going into a fight means not sparing your hair. He goes to fight, but doesn’t want to take out his saber. They go ahead - they don’t spare goals. To walk over someone else's head is to carry your own. To end with the head is to end in death. Death in battle is God's work. Fight - don't fight; If you start fighting, you will lock yourself away. He didn’t come himself, the devil brought it. Damn it: both are unnecessary. Scolding is not a reserve, and without it, not for an hour. You won't get anything done without swearing. Without swearing, you won’t be able to open the lock in the cage. Scold, scold, and leave your word on the world! By the way, scold, by the way, make up. Come together - fight, disperse - make peace. The first scolding is better than the last. I was planning to live with a friend, but my enemy got in the way. God gave relatives, but the devil gave enmity. It’s quiet in the swamp, but it’s hard to live there. And the beggars fight. Two sheep's heads don't fit into one pot. The little guy is not a flirt, but he wants to fight (and he loves to fight). A brother is not a brother, so give up my cross (that is, with whom you fraternized). I don’t have any children to baptize with him (that is, I have no reason to spare him, I’m not looking for his friendship). No matter how hard you shoot, you can’t live without fighting. Without becoming clouded, and the sea will not stare. Without noise and mash will not sour. The battle (battle) is better than the cold world. Beat your own - strangers will be afraid. Eternal peace - until the first fight. The world stands before the army, and the army stands before the world. The word will buy the abuse. Not to love the one you meet, and not to love the one who crosses (that is, the one who contradicts). Although to annoy yourself, but to defeat your enemy. Got caught biting. They are destroying each other, that they are chiseling stone (that they are chopping wood). Even if you pay a ruble, it’s enough for one side. Although I will go crookedly, I will not go to the evil one. Although I’ll go naked myself, I’ll let you go like a tambourine. I’ll go without a shirt myself, and I’ll pull off your ports. At least break, but not succumb. It's not a bad idea, it's a shame. You can't talk to him on an empty stomach. Fight tooth for tooth. Zev squabble at each other (like dogs rearing up). Scolded to smithereens (scold, smashed). They made a name for themselves by beating Savva. Without saying a bad word, but in the face. Whack (heat, hit) the hat. By a hair's breadth and to the skies. For whiskey and in a vice. Whoever scolds someone behind his eyes is afraid of him. They talk about the Tsar behind his back. Even the woman will outweigh the prince by the eye. The dog barks, the wind blows. A dog is free to lie about its own tail. You can't say goodbye to a scolding godfather. You can’t keep up with the wind in the field, and you can’t say goodbye to your scolding godfather. They give - take, they scold - run. Swearing in the side does not hurt. The abuse does not sour, the wind carries it. Swearing is not smoke - it does not eat your eyes. Hard words break no bones. They scold you, but they don’t throw you in the bag. He who swears causes his horse to stumble. The curse does not hang on the collar, and the fist in the side does not sour. You can't even kill a mosquito with a word. Although it’s crowded, it’s better together. They live - neither out nor in the hut (neither this nor that). They live like a dog and a cat. One growls and barks, the other purrs and snorts. They sit together, but look apart. They sweep two brooms (about a quarrel between spouses) They stand together, but run apart. The enemy jumped out into the field and caused grief to everyone. High the falcon drives the sulfur duck. You please your heart, but you anger mine (by quarrel). And they scold you, but they don’t want to hear about us. Quarrel does not lead to good things. There is no way in quarrels and nonsense. No nonsense, no bickering, no empty talk. There will be no good if there is enmity between people. Fight for everything, and never let go of your fists. It’s a sin to argue, but it’s a sin to scold.
