Think about something stupid or mistake you recently made. Now remember how you reacted to it: did you laugh or were you upset? We bet it's the latter.
We all take life and ourselves too seriously. This severity often causes harsh self-criticism, unjustified expectations of others, disappointment and even anger that arises when something goes wrong.
How to be? Laugh, friends! First of all, over yourself, your mistakes and imperfections. Self-irony helps to maintain a light mood, create a comfortable environment when communicating with people and cope with life’s ups and downs. The ability to laugh at yourself is one of the signs of maturity. But learning this is not always easy. Continue reading the article and you will learn how to develop a sense of self-irony, why it is even necessary, and whether jokes about yourself are always useful and harmless.
What is self-irony and why is it crucial for a happy life?
Self-irony is a person’s ability to laugh at himself, his shortcomings, failures, and limitations. Its main feature is the optimistic nature of humor. Anyone who is capable of self-irony uses it to relieve internal tension by laughing at the absurdity of the current situation, and as a result improve their sense of self.
The ability to laugh kindly at yourself helps you cope with any adversity and minimize negative emotions, while maintaining an adequate view of things and yourself.
In general, laughter is one of the greatest gifts of life. It makes our complex and sometimes confusing existence more bearable. Even in the darkest times, humor helps you move forward, and the ability to laugh at yourself brings strength back. Self-irony is a useful skill that gives a person a number of advantages.
1
Improves relationships
Public self-irony strengthens relationships. This is partly because laughter increases the production of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes social bonding, increases trust, and helps people bond and be more open.
In 2015, psychologists Alan Gray, Brian Parkinson and Robin Dunbar conducted an experiment: they gathered Oxford University students and divided them into groups. The subjects did not know each other. Together they watched a 10-minute video without talking to each other. The first group watched a comedy video, the rest watched a neutral one. As a result, students who had a good laugh together became closer and shared significantly more personal information with each other than those who did not watch the funny video [Gray AW, Parkinson B., Dunbar RI, 2015].
Besides, people are always attracted by authenticity and simplicity. The ability to laugh at yourself by pointing out your shortcomings in a humorous way helps build bridges, winning others over and making them feel comfortable. According to psychology professor Arnie Cann, it is thanks to this that a person with a good sense of humor and self-irony gains access to the social support that we all so need when faced with difficulties [Cann A., Kuiper N. A, 2014].
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2
Smoothes out negative information
Self-irony is an effective method of neutralizing negative information about yourself. A study by Hong Kong University of Science and Technology professor Bradford Butterly and University of Pennsylvania professor Maurice Schweitzer found that people appear more agreeable and competent when they reveal negative information about themselves through humor.
When a person uses self-irony when talking about his weaknesses, others perceive this negative information as less important and truthful. For example, the study found that job applicants who wrote humorously about their limited math skills (“I can add and subtract, but geometry is an area where I have to draw a line”) were considered more capable in math. than those who disclosed information in a serious manner (“I can add and subtract, but have difficulty with geometry”) [Bitterly B., Brooks AW, 2020].
3
Helps cope with difficult circumstances
University of Zurich professor Willibald Ruch, who specializes in studying the nature of humor and its impact on personality, is confident that the ability to laugh at oneself is a trait of cheerful people, and a cheerful person is more resistant to negative events and more easily overcomes troubles by reacting to them with a smile [Ruch W., Hofmann J., 2012].
When things get hard, self-irony is often the only thing that saves you. Here's a case in point. The famous US Navy captain Gerald Coffee spent 7 years in captivity during the Vietnam War and managed to get out of there.
At one of his speeches, he said that only humor and the ability to laugh at oneself helped to survive the painful experience: “One day I took a bite of a piece of bread, looked at it and suddenly wrote my first poem... And then I thought, I’m probably going crazy: how , sitting here in these terrible circumstances, can you laugh at your stupid poem? But I laughed. It reminded me of that wonderful, traditional sense of humor that serves each of us every day. I couldn’t have done it without this sense of humor” [Wilund Jean, 2015].
4
Promotes creative thinking and problem solving skills
Research shows that experiencing positive emotional states, which include laughing at yourself, increases the production of dopamine in the brain.
Dopamine not only makes you feel great, it also activates the learning centers of the brain, which help you structure new information, store it longer, and retrieve it faster. Thanks to this, cognitive flexibility, clarity of thinking, the speed of mastering the skills of complex situation analysis increases, and the ability to invent new, creative ways to solve problems improves [Achor S., 2010; Ashby F. G, Valentin V. V., Turken U., 2002].
5
Relieves stress
Melissa Wanzer, PhD, a professor of communication studies at New York City, believes that making fun of yourself, as long as it is not excessive, is a very effective form of humorous communication that helps cope with stress.
Dr. Wanzer conducted extensive research and concluded that medical staff caring for terminally ill patients cope with their mentally demanding work only through humor. She also found that people who use humor to cope with stress in the workplace have better health and higher satisfaction with their lives and work [Laughter is the best medicine, 2008].
But what if the ability to laugh at oneself is not developed, and stress poisons life every day? First, read the article to the end. Secondly, take our online course “Mental Self-Regulation”. It will help everyone who has difficulty coping with emotions, experiences stress at work, school and in their personal life, is anxious for any reason and is upset because of failures.
If you are afraid to make acquaintances, start new things, are often in apathy and procrastination, and after a hard day you cannot relax, welcome to the course. We have selected for you only the most effective exercises, games and tests that can normalize your mental state. Six weeks of training and your quality of life will move to a higher level, and a sense of self-irony will be much easier to develop.
When we are able to laugh at our own weaknesses and limitations, we realize that we are human and not precision robots. Then joy and lightness return to life, an understanding comes that there is a natural order of things and the need for painful total control over everything around disappears.
Ability to analyze
If a person resorts to self-irony, it means that somewhere subconsciously he already knows how to correct an unsatisfactory situation. Sometimes you really need to sort everything out to see the resources available. There comes an understanding that it is not at all necessary to suffer endlessly to get what you want. The accumulation of internal forces will occur when the individual begins to notice emerging opportunities. The ability to analyze current events is a very valuable and significant acquisition. Thanks to this skill, you can reach incredible heights in your career and become part of a big whole. You need to know your mistakes by heart so that you can try never to repeat them again. Self-irony serves this purpose perfectly.
Self-irony and its connection with character, leadership qualities and psychological well-being
Do you know how to sincerely laugh at yourself? If so, you likely have a cheerful disposition, leadership potential, and higher levels of psychological well-being. Scientific research speaks about this. Let's find out the details.
You are more cheerful and less serious by nature if you have self-irony
Ursula Biermann, senior lecturer in personality and differential psychology at the University of Innsbruck, together with Professor Willibald Ruch from Switzerland, conducted an experiment and found that people who are able to laugh at themselves demonstrate higher levels of emotional well-being.
The study involved 70 psychology students who were asked to evaluate their own ability for self-irony. While participants filled out questionnaires on a computer, they were photographed by a hidden camera.
A little later, participants in the experiment were shown distorted photographs of the faces of unfamiliar men and women and asked to rate them on a scale from “very funny” to “very unpleasant.” To the surprise of the subjects, the sample included their own portraits taken earlier. These images were also deformed, such as being stretched wide, as if they were a reflection in a tablespoon. The emotional reactions of the participants were assessed using special ratings, as well as video analysis of facial expressions to determine genuine smiles and laughter.
The results showed that students who claimed to be capable of self-irony were more likely to smile and laugh in response to distorted photographs of themselves, and showed fewer signs of fake smiles or negative emotions. These experiment participants, as a rule, had a more cheerful disposition, a high level of cheerfulness and good mood, as well as a less serious character [Beermann U., Ruch W., 2011].
You are a potential leader if you can laugh at yourself
In 2021, scientists from the United States conducted a study and found that the use of humor always signals self-confidence. In addition, people who effectively use humor, incl. self-irony, are not only perceived as more confident, competent and of high status, but are also more likely to be chosen as a group leader. That is, healthy self-irony not only affects the perception of a person by others, but even their behavior [Bitterly B., Brooks AW, Schweitzer ME, 2016].
In the hands of a leader, humor can be both a weapon to humiliate subordinates and a tool for building relationships. It is important to consider the nature of the joke. Self-ironic humor is an indicator of a class leader. This is the conclusion of a study by Colette Hoption, Ph.D. in management, and professors of business leadership Julian Barling and Nick Turner. By making fun of himself, the manager ceases to demonstrate the difference in status between himself and his subordinates, which is considered by employees as caring about them and a sign of a reliable leader capable of mentoring [Hoption C., Barling J., Turner N., 2013].
You are psychologically better off if you use self-irony
In 2021, Spanish scientists in the field of personality and behavioral sciences Jorge Torres-Marin, Ginés Navarro-Carrillo and Hugo Carretero-Dios found that people who frequently use self-irony, aimed at gaining the approval of others by making fun of themselves, show higher performance psychological well-being, such as happiness and sociability [Torres-Marín J., Navarro-Carrillo G., Carretero-Dios H., 2018].
This conclusion may seem strange, although in fact it is logical. Perfection is a desirable but unattainable thing. Failures happen, and they often cause anxiety, especially around social acceptance. Self-irony, as the first reaction to failure, relieves this psychological pressure. People may laugh at you, but it will no longer be perceived as painful, because you managed to laugh at yourself first.
In 1983, Ph.D., psychologist Harvey Mindess from Los Angeles conducted a study and concluded that people who can laugh at themselves are more flexible, insightful, have the healthiest sense of humor and are on the path to healing [Blakeslee S., 1983].
However, experts warn that excessive self-irony can have unpleasant consequences and be a sign of low self-esteem. We suggest you figure out in what cases this happens.
Taking responsibility
A person endowed with self-irony knows that he can correct the situation if it does not suit him. He is aware of his own resources and does not diminish them at all. Accepting responsibility is the most important thing that should be present in the arsenal of a mature personality
Whatever actions we take, it is important to always remember that for every step an individual will someday be accountable to society and himself
Thoughts about self-realization and the need to work on character come to the mind of every responsible individual. A sense of self-irony will not hurt here at all. What it is, an intelligent person begins to understand intuitively. When one wants to achieve something more than just mediocre rewards, the individual begins to take active steps
It is very important to choose the direction towards the desired goal. If something doesn’t work out right away, you need to look at what’s happening with a smile, not tears.
Is making fun of yourself always funny and harmless?
Not always. Sometimes it is difficult to distinguish self-irony from self-deprecating humor. If you laugh at yourself and then feel depressed, angry, or have low self-esteem, it is safe to assume that you have gone beyond the bounds of good self-irony.
Here are examples of such jokes found on the Internet:
- Is today trash day? I didn't know that anyone was celebrating a day in my honor.
- My body is like a temple. One of the temples in Thailand where monkeys are allowed to shit everywhere.
These witticisms have a pronounced negative connotation and are offensive in nature. You shouldn't joke about yourself like that. Now we will tell you about several more signs of unhealthy self-irony, which you should abandon for the sake of your own well-being.
Making cruel jokes about yourself has become a reflex
People with a penchant for self-deprecation make fun of themselves almost instinctively. There are many reasons why this happens, but the most common is that self-deprecation is a defense mechanism. Self-doubt and anxiety are much easier to disguise as a joke than to acknowledge and begin to heal.
The reflective use of self-deprecating humor is a way of lowering one's own standards out of fear of failing and allowing others to witness it.
Jokes fall on deaf ears
There's nothing worse than making a joke expecting a roar of laughter from the audience, only to hear crickets chirping in the silence instead. This is especially true when it comes to a self-ironic joke, because its basis is something very personal. Self-deprecating self-deprecation makes others uncomfortable, so silence in response to unhealthy self-irony is a clear sign that the self-mockery has gone too far.
A person begins to believe in the truth of self-deprecating jokes
If you constantly make jokes about yourself in a manner that is demeaning, over time these comments will turn into beliefs and become part of your self-perception. Unhealthy self-irony can lead to the gradual destruction of the basis of self-awareness and self-worth.
A 2013 study by cognitive scientist and psychology professor Gary Lupyan and psychology PhD candidate Emily Ward confirms that words play an important role in how we perceive the world and ourselves. The brain interprets many stimuli from the environment to create what we call reality, and if you constantly spin and voice negative jokes about yourself in your head, you can believe in their truthfulness and begin to treat yourself derogatoryly [Lupyan G., Ward E., 2013 ].
You must always remember that the point of self-irony is to highlight your shortcomings and come to terms with the imperfections of human nature, and not to mock yourself, forming an inferiority complex.
Examples of self-irony from the lives of celebrities
An example of how stars joke about themselves is Leonardo DiCaprio's prank. It is known that the actor could not receive the coveted Oscar for a long time. When he finally got the prize, while engraving the statuette, he asked the master: “Do you engrave the Oscars every year? I just don’t know how to know.”
A treasure trove of humor in Russian cinema is the unforgettable Faina Ranevskaya. One day they asked her why she did not resort to plastic surgery. The actress instantly retorted: “Why fix the façade if the whole sewer system is rusty?”
When Ranevskaya was already an adult, a friend asked her opinion about modern medicine, whether there was any movement forward and development. Faina Georgievna replied: “But of course! When I was young I was always asked to take off my clothes. And today it’s enough to stick your tongue out at the doctor.”
The famous Soviet physicist L.D. Landau had a great sense of humor. It is he who owns the phrase: “I don’t have a physique, but a body subtraction.”
Self-irony is fully inherent in Ksenia Sobchak. At the Silver Galosh award ceremony, Ksenia came dressed as a “horse” and literally galloped across the stage. After this prank, the number of corresponding jokes addressed to her decreased significantly. The meaning of the vicious attacks was lost. Sobchak has surpassed all her ill-wishers in ridiculing herself.
Irony: how to be ironic
Before defining what self-irony is, you should have a complete understanding of irony in general. It originated in Ancient Greece, where it began to be interpreted as “deception with words.” It is quite difficult to imagine simple society, psychology, philosophy and folk culture without such a significant concept. With the help of irony, every person is able to hint at the truth.
So, irony is subtle mockery. People who are interested in the essence of this concept should know that its main purpose is to contrast the real meaning of words with their literal meaning. Thus, a person will not be ironic when calling a coward “brave” and a fool “smart.” The opportunity to make fun not only of other people, but also of oneself, played a significant role in folk humorous culture, ancient comedy and satirical magazines. Many people are endowed with a similar oratorical technique, which allows them to hint about something in a hidden way.
Sign of wisdom
The ability to look at a situation from the outside can also be called self-irony. It is a rare person who will not despair when he is often haunted by failures. One can only envy those individuals who strive to achieve perfection, despite visible obstacles. It is very difficult to continue to believe in your own prospects when everything is literally falling out of your hands. But from time to time, personal worlds are destroyed, nothing can be done about it. The tendency to self-irony is, of course, a sign of wisdom. The individual seems to be telling himself that he will focus only on the positive aspects.
Disappointments happen to everyone. But this does not mean at all that you need to focus on problems and stop noticing something good. The world around us is truly amazing, you just need to recognize and understand it. Most people don't even try to move. This is their biggest mistake. They stop in front of difficulties and do not even make attempts to overcome obstacles. Getting used to living only in experiences, they begin to perceive everything in a negative light. Even the smallest difficulties are perceived as a global catastrophe.
And in this case, for many years he became the “daughter of Marx and Engels”
How to develop self-irony in yourself - learn to plan your growth, the growth of your personality, thereby you will move towards inner harmony through skill. But the modest one didn’t get it - Self-irony about the fact that he managed to avoid participating in some difficult task, for example, carrying heavy loads.
Public self-irony can be of particular value. Such buffoonery towards oneself can well be called self-irony. In particular, M.I. Stankin in his book “Psychology in Business. Humor as a lever for success” provides an excellent illustrative example of the damage that self-irony that is not shown in time can cause to one’s reputation.
This example demonstrates how dependent a person’s social rank can be on his accidental mistakes. And the higher up the hierarchical ladder a powerful person is, the more serious consequences the lack of self-irony can have for him.
How to develop self-irony?
A sense of self-irony makes life much easier. After all, if you look at everything with humor, it is much easier to endure moments when reality does not quite or does not at all meet our expectations. In addition, it allows us to develop friendly and warm relationships with others, since in their eyes we will not look unapproachable, always dissatisfied and withdrawn individuals.
But what if you don’t have this quality or it’s not very developed? How to learn self-irony? It is enough to adhere to the following rules:
- look at all problems and troubles from the outside;
- do not be offended by jokes addressed to you - answer or laugh together;
- analyze the scale of the consequences of this or that unpleasant incident;
- love yourself as you are;
- spend as much time as possible with people you like;
- develop self-confidence;
- learn self-irony from the people around you;
- allow yourself to be a unique person, don’t imitate anyone.
If you have learned to treat yourself with humor, this does not mean that you have ceased to respect yourself. On the contrary, you have moved to a new, higher level of maturity. Psychology has many cases where a person who has learned self-irony becomes more emotionally mature and achieves more due to the fact that he perceives himself with all his shortcomings, without demanding too much.
