When, if not at the beginning of spring, to talk about the beautiful half of humanity - about women. After all, a woman is like spring: gentle, desirable, beautiful and slightly insidious. We offer you a selection of statuses, quotes and aphorisms about women. Some of them will help you rethink the role of women, while others will simply cheer you up.
Even in ancient times, philosophers made an attempt to explain the feminine essence and give an adequate assessment of female behavior. But the beautiful half of humanity, as it turns out, defies any descriptions, justifications or explanations. A woman does not tolerate cliches, she is emotional, and her mood is changeable.
Men have always had trouble understanding women's logic. They don’t understand why they should spend hours in the salon or go shopping for half a day, but at the same time they dream of having a delightful woman next to them. To understand a woman, you just need to be born one.
Women know how to love. If you earn trust and impress with your actions, you can achieve her love and affection for life. But once you offend her, you can regret it for the rest of your life. Women are not vindictive, they just have a good memory, and they will never miss an opportunity to remind their offender about themselves. They don’t even have to do anything special for this - just showing up in all their glory is enough to make their ex bite their elbows!
By nature, a woman is a mother. She, like a tigress, will love and protect her child, no matter how old he is. A modern woman manages to combine several statuses at the same time. She can become a caring wife, a loving mother, and at the same time achieve success in her career.
Jokes about blonde girls
Do you like humor about women? Then you will definitely like subtle jokes about blonde women. People all over the world laugh at their naivety and sometimes downright stupidity, regardless of nationality, social status, or material wealth. The funniest jokes about women with blond hair:
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The blonde, after visiting the ultrasound, wrote a complaint: “The doctor does not fulfill his duties. During the examination, he constantly stared at the TV.”
Jokes about girls driving
A woman has long ceased to perform only the role of wife, mother and housewife. All over the world, girls are doing, until recently, purely male tasks: building a career, earning money, driving a car. But the woman behind the wheel often becomes the butt of jokes.
Jokes about a girl who creates emergency situations on the road are familiar to almost everyone. We have selected the most interesting jokes about female motorists:
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French town. A car stops near a red traffic light. The car is driven by a woman. The traffic light switches to yellow... to green... back to red. The car is standing still. A policeman approaches the driver and politely asks:
— Does Madame prefer any other color?
Jokes about girls: female logic
Many men sincerely believe that women lack logic. But women claim the opposite: their logic is the most correct, although sometimes it contradicts the general laws of nature. We invite you to read some very interesting anecdotes on this topic:
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If a woman doesn't like you, she will say that she has a man, even if she doesn't have one. And if he liked it, he will say that it is not there, even if it is there.
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The girls’ logic is: “Because I decided so!” Why did I decide that, I haven’t decided yet!”
Funny quotes and aphorisms
A woman is the same force of nature as wind, lightning, electricity.
Only the frequency of her impulses is much more frequent...)
A woman is like a traffic police inspector: she’ll say stupid things, take away your money, ruin your mood, and it’s also your fault.
Not only will he take the money, he’ll also issue a fine... a month without sex...)
Women can keep secrets, but in groups - about thirty people!
The secrets are simply so big that they can’t handle them alone...)
A woman is created in order to love her, and not in order to understand her.
She doesn’t even understand herself, why would anyone care...)
Women are woven from paradoxes, stitched with inconsistencies and filled with mutual exclusions. Maybe that's why you don't get bored with them?
So why then are you trying to fix everything so that you are bored?)
Yesterday I saw one girl running around the city in a wedding dress... This is what I understand in an active search...
Are you sure it wasn’t you?)))
Short jokes about women
Jokes about women are a separate type of humorous art. Short jokes about women are especially popular among joke lovers. We present to you the funniest jokes about girls, consisting of one pithy phrase:
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Life is evil - you either fall in love with a goat, or you don’t get married at all.
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I put the cookies three meters from the bed, so at least I can walk.
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We run out quickly: money, vacations, youth, health, optimism, beauty and men after 60...
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For some reason, I always feel sorry for the dogs and men waiting at the door of the store for the owner.
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The happiest ten years in a woman's life are the years between twenty-eight and thirty.
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In a woman, two such incompatible concepts as “bad girl memory” and “I will never forget this” easily coexist.
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A woman in a family is like a translator: she understands baby babble and drunken delirium.
The best statuses about yourself beautiful (150 statuses)
Statuses on social networks play a big role, because they create the first impression when meeting other people. Statuses about yourself as a beautiful woman help to interest the opposite sex, because such statuses immediately make it clear that the owner of the page knows how pretty she is. This collection presents the best statuses about yourself as a beautiful woman.
Looking beautiful from morning to night is the hardest, but very rewarding work.
I bought shoes - no skirt. I bought a skirt but no blouse. I bought a blouse but no jacket. I bought a jacket but no bag. I bought a bag but the shoes don’t fit.
If you can’t be beautiful and smart at the same time, that means... Does that mean I don’t exist?
My mother is a writer, my father is a candidate of sciences. And I was born beautiful and broke both of them...
You need to love and praise yourself. Don’t entrust such a responsible task to strangers!
I like people who like me, they have good taste.
While I was putting on makeup in front of the mirror this morning, I fainted five times from my beauty.
Mistakes are not for me... I will smile mysteriously... Me with chocolate creme brulee, incredibly sweet...
There is no harder work than trying to look beautiful from eight in the morning until midnight.
Who said I'm far from ideal? This poor ideal is far from ME.
No room for error. Tempting, with a smile. Beautiful picture. There are marshmallows with pepper inside!
It turned out that I am a goddess... Wherever I go, everywhere “Lord, you again!”
I was born to shop, but I am forced to go to work.
People often tell me that I have beautiful eyes, and they say a lot about my eyes.
And for what merit did the world receive such beauty?!
I look in the mirror and say, “who will get such beauty?” my mother shouts from the kitchen, “God give him strength, good luck, health and patience.”
They say beauty will save the world. What does this mean, I’m saving him too or what?
A gorgeous blonde, a terrible egoist, a princess of life and simply a goddess. You can hate me not because I'm beautiful, but because your boyfriend thinks so.
I live for those who need me... I am friends only with those in whom I am confident... I communicate with those who are pleasant. And grateful to those who appreciate me!!!
I’ll live and I’ll see, I’ll live and I’ll find out, I’ll survive and I’ll take into account.
I have to be a good girl just for my boy. The rest - be patient...
I look at my reflection in the store window: “who would be lucky with such a beauty in life?” To which the pope mutters: “God grant patience to this holy man.”
Beauty saves the world, but indifference saves nerves!
No matter how much good they say about me, I always have something to add.
There is no harder work than trying to look beautiful from eight in the morning until midnight.
The path of self-love is the basis of love for everyone without exception. A person treats others the way he treats himself.
I didn’t learn to walk and talk as a child so that now I could sit and remain silent.
Let me introduce myself - Queen! Snowy! Very cold!
There is no need to blame all the sins on me... I can only be accused of one thing - beauty.
Previously, I needed to go to a beauty salon, but now all I need to do is update my avatar.
The guys won't be able to live without us... After all, we are so beautiful and charming, they will simply miss our beauty and affection.
Never confuse my character with my attitude. My character depends on me, and my attitude depends on your behavior.
I am at a wonderful age: I want, I can and I know how!
I'm tall, if I wear heels... Kind, if I don't make you angry... Loving, if you love... Smart, if you don't ask stupid questions...
My morning begins with the words: “It’s time, beauty, it’s time!” And each time it ends with prolonged snoring... Things can wait if the snoring doesn’t scare you off...
Every morning I tell myself: “Get up, beauty, great things await us!”, but an inner voice whispers that if they wait, then they love, and if they love, they will wait.
I am a high-society tigress. But I also look harmonious in slippers.
Who is proud??? Am I proud??? No... we queens are simple women!
All the screws in the head are deliberately not tightened. Because they expect a person to screw them in for himself.
There was no one like me, and it’s better not to be.
And if you started first, be afraid... I can be nervous...
A beautiful face is a silent recommendation.
Yes, I’m not perfect... But I’m real...
Attention! Museum exhibit! I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t swear and I don’t cheat.
My innate culture often prevents me from fully expressing my natural arrogance at the right moment.
A woman needs only one thing to be happy, but new every day!
No person deserves your tears, and those who do will not make you cry!
Intelligence and beauty do not guarantee prudence. Mmm... I'm not talking about myself!
My only fault is that I'm beautiful.
Good statuses to myself: I find a way out of any situation. Another thing is surprising: how I, the infection, find the entrance there!
I’ll live and I’ll see, I’ll live and I’ll find out, I’ll survive and I’ll take into account.
Love myself. I forgive myself a lot. Bright and passionate. I know how to get what I want.
I don’t strive to be perfect - I like to annoy everyone.
My beauty seems to hit - KILL! My emptiness amazes everyone else... and all this reverberates more in my soul, but I AM ALWAYS THE ONE who laughs last...
There is no harder work than trying to look beautiful from eight in the morning until midnight.
I'm too old to be offended by little things, but not so old that I don't notice them at all.
I am happy with myself and my own life. All you have to do is be happy for me.
I love myself even when I eat chocolate and candies all day long, lie on the sofa in an untidy room and suffer from unrequited love...
In order not to depend on the opinions of others, you need to have your own opinion about everything - and above all about yourself.
Hearing gossip behind our backs, we thus pay for our beauty, nothing more...
I am a creative person, I want to create, I want to create!
I can be very patient if I know that in the end everything will be my way.
If you trust, you will definitely be deceived, so I prefer to trust only myself.
I'm realistic. Romantic. And indecisive. In general - a treasure.
Love yourself and reciprocity is 100% guaranteed!
Beautiful women will NEVER say that they are beautiful! I know it from myself!
What should I be... I don’t know myself, either a mystery or a simple one. Although.. men dream... I will become the girl of my dreams!
Briefly about yourself: according to even numbers - CLEVER..., according to odd numbers - BEAUTY...
I can be charming... I can be disgusting... I can be passion... I can be sweetness... I can be hysterical... I can be calm... After all, I am a woman - this is typical for me!
So what if the wind is in your head?! But the thoughts are always fresh...
While I'm acting like a quiet, good girl, the bitch inside me is going crazy with everything that's happening.
I bought us two chocolate bars - for myself and for me.
In life, I am like a kettle with a whistle - when it boils, you can hear it throughout the house.
I need a table with a dream view. Espresso and sunset flambé. No, nothing more is needed. But..., a star in the palm of your hand. And blues with a hint of chocolate.
I'm too young because I'm young at heart.
I left first. Sharply and forever. To hear: -Bitch!!! And smile - Yes!!!
I prefer to do what I love in my life. And not what is fashionable, prestigious or expected.
I have no bad habits. Only one thing - I make mistakes in people... it would be better if I smoked.
I'm a girl and that means I'm beautiful!
I can't be the first, second or third woman. I can only be the One!
Good girls have a job, bad girls have a sponsor, smart girls have their own business, and the smartest girls have everyone.
A woman lives in my purse! He confuses my headphones, hides my phone when it rings, scatters chewing gum and tears up necessary papers.
Maybe I’ve become smarter, maybe I’ve become more valuable, but I don’t care about many people now...
Create legends about yourself. The gods started with this.
I am an angel, just a halo on charge and wings in the wash!
I'm like a convertible - cool, but NO roof!
I'm tired of everything... I'm tired... I'll go to the monastery... To the men's... For three days... Mmmmm, or maybe four?... We'll see how they greet us...
I don’t care what fashion is now, my status in life is freedom!
Do you want to arouse a man's interest? Don't think about him, think about yourself...
My profession is to be a Queen!
My future husband will be lucky - his wife is both beautiful and smart, and cooks well, well, and lies well.
If your ex-men want to be with you again: it means you were better than those who came before you and much better than those who came after...
Call me whatever you want, just be sure to add “mine” at the end.
You can't deny yourself your beloved! If you want pasta, buy a ticket to Italy))
Don't be too persistently interested in my life. It may turn out to be so interesting that you will be disappointed in yours.
I am created from affection and tears, from nightmares and beautiful dreams, from love and hate, from happiness and sadness... I am a mixture of screams and smiles, from correct speech and mistakes, mixed from pain and bliss... I am a perfect imperfection... I am beautiful like the morning dawn ...Strong as the wind and weak as a midge...With the soul of a gentle but free cat...
I am the way I am!!! If I wish you happiness, then with all my heart, and if you have sent me, then please do not delay!!!
This is female inconstancy! You want to love the same man... then kill...
I'm not being sarcastic - I'm just saying what I think.
If you trust, you will definitely be deceived, so I prefer to trust only myself.
I will be drawn to where I am expected, but I will remain where I am valued!
Did he leave you? Remember your physical education lessons, they taught you how to jump over goats.
The squeak of fashion is the sound you make when looking at the price tag...
You can’t strangle my temperament, you can’t kill me... Alas, I don’t promise a quiet life... Don’t let me be taken with your bare hands... But I’m kind and I forgive a lot!!!
For some I am the SUN, for others I am SUNSHOT! AND SOMEONE DOESN’T SHINE AT ALL...
Everything is in my hands, and what is not in my hands is at my feet.
I’m already past that age when you worry about what others will think about you... Now let others worry about what I will think about them...
Beauty is a terrible force, especially when combined with a cunning butt.
If your ex-men want to be with you again: it means you were better than those who came before you and much better than those who came after...
I am a very convincing woman - I can convince myself of anything.
Men have always really liked me. Unfortunately for me. I've always liked men. Unfortunately for them.
I am faithful if they are faithful to me... I am honest when they are honest with me... I am kind as long as they deserve it!
A smiling girl is more beautiful than a girl wearing makeup.
And my character is wonderful! It’s just that everyone’s nerves are somehow weak.
I love people who like me... For good taste...
I am like good wine: over the years I become stronger, richer and brighter.
Do you want to arouse a man's interest? Don't think about him, think about yourself...
I would love to be better, but it just can’t get any better.
No need to say that I'm bad. Just find something better than me and leave me alone.
I was already good... I didn’t like it! I'll remain myself!
I decided to help my parents: I took a bath, did my hair, manicure, pedicure, waxing, makeup, put on stockings, a new dress... I went to look for their son-in-law.
I'm not arrogant - I'm squeamish.
I give a smile to everyone. A glance - not much. The heart belongs to one.
I decided to collect my thoughts. Not a single thought came to the meeting!
I always wanted a beautiful figure, a flat tummy, a collarbone and distance between my thighs, but my soul demanded sausage.
A beautiful woman should not be too smart - it distracts attention.
My tastes change too often to remember them all.
I don’t know what I want, but I won’t rest until I achieve it! I don’t need much, the best is enough...
The most important thing that every woman should have is self-esteem. Even if you love a man, you need to love yourself even more!
And I've never been good. I was, am and will be the best!
When we like ourselves, we are more likely to be liked by the world.
Jealous to the point of horror. Possessive beyond belief. Vicious to the point of indecency. Vengeful to death. And how it all fits together.
Guys love beautiful and inaccessible...I'll go put on my makeup and lock myself in the safe.[/su_note]
I have unpretentious taste - the best is enough for me!
I have a fluffy character, like a hedgehog...
The only way not to eat after six is to eat everything before six!
My capabilities are shocked by my needs...
Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.
A girl should have a little riddle, not a two-sheet Japanese crossword...
The most important thing is to look completely natural; but this requires a lot of cosmetics
If my hands give up, don’t rush to rejoice, maybe I bent over for a tire iron...
Man, be careful - don't let the woman cry. God counts her tears.
What I owe is stated in the constitution, the rest is at my discretion.
I'm not lying - I'm just good at writing.
You can’t meet beautiful girls on the road; they need to be fought off from fools who simply don’t value them.
I have never been perfect, from my appearance to my character. but, on the other hand, I have always been myself.
No one is like me and I am not like anyone, therefore advising me this or that is pointless.
Since childhood, my mother taught me that if I do something, then do it to the end, so I carry out my brain efficiently and with love.
Smile is my face! Laughter is my character! Joy is my life!
I am a gentle person and react painfully to cretins. I can't imagine what to do with them if they are going to be more than one.
