Various aphorisms about journalism and journalists

A few decades ago, all writing journalists in our country celebrated May 5 as Press Day, which was timed to coincide with the publication of the first issue of the Bolshevik newspaper Pravda. Different times have come, another story has begun. Now Press Day is celebrated on January 13 and is associated with another historical date - the beginning of the publication of the first Russian printed newspaper Vedomosti, founded by decree of Peter the Great on January 2, 1703 (January 13, new style). But today we decided to remind our colleagues about the “old” holiday with these aphorisms about journalists and journalism.

Not having a single thought and being able to express it is how you become a journalist. (Karl Kraus).

Generally speaking, the press is fed by misfortune. (Clement Attlee).

A journalist is a street cleaner who works with a pen. (Napoleon).

A journalist is a person who has the gift of filling the void every day. (Dame Rebecca West).

Comments are free, but facts are sacred. (Scott Charles Transgress).

Comments are cheap, but facts are expensive. (Tom Stoppard).

Journalism is telling people, “Lord John is dead,” to people who didn’t even know Lord John lived. (Gilbert Chesterton).

News lives as long as rumors grow around it. (Mikhail Mamchich).

Journalists write because they have nothing to say; and they have something to say because they write. (Karl Kraus).

Why is journalism, as a profession, the second oldest, but as a government, only the fourth? (Aureliy Markov).

To rummage through the basket of political trash, a journalist is even ready to scrub the floors in the corridors of power. (Valery Krasovsky).

We journalists tell the public where the cat jumped. Then the public takes care of the cat themselves. (Arthur Sulzberger Jr.).

In 1870, they did not want to let some journalist through the outposts. "Ah well! “he exclaimed. “In that case, we won’t write about the war.” (Jules Renard).

Only a journalist can write captivatingly about something he has absolutely no understanding of. (Sergey Fedin).

Once you start writing what everyone likes, you stop being a journalist. From now on you are working in show business. (Frank Miller Jr.)

A journalist is a writer shell-shocked by the second hand. (Anatoly Yurkin).

Journalism: the art of explaining to others what you yourself do not understand. (Alfred Charles Northcliffe).

Journalism is something that is much more interesting today than tomorrow. (Andre Gide).

Journalism is the science of turning free news into royalties. (Anatoly Yurkin).

The first rule of journalism: do not argue with the reader’s prejudices, but rely on them. (Alexander Cowburn).

If the serpent had tempted Eve with the language of today's journalists, we would still be living in paradise. (H.A. Sherring).

Who is this journalist? Shark of the pen, or woodpecker of the keyboard? (Mikhail Lashkov).

Not a single publication will miss a single piece of news, which is why the same ones write about the same thing, and this gibberish is called the “information boom.” (Elena Ermolova).

Oh, those obnoxious journalists! Half the lies they spread about me are not true. (Faina Ranevskaya)

Journalism is the art of turning enemies into money. (Craig Brown).

Journalists are somewhat similar to Danaev's daughters, whom the gods condemned to fill a bottomless barrel with water. (Karel Capek).

A journalist is the recipient of a fee for deftly retelling other people's thoughts (Elena Ermolova).

- And you are not Brutus! – The editor-in-chief said, dismissing another journalist. (Vitaly Vlasenko).

The media has given humanity unique opportunities. The most valuable of them is the ability to kill flies with a newspaper on the TV. (Stanislav Kushnarov).

A “biased critic” is a critic who was prudently “hired” to work on the staff of an interested organization. (Alexey Annenskov).

They missed a brilliant opportunity to remain silent (Maxim Yurievich Sokolov).

The journalist talks about the cat; while the PR technologist prepares a bed for unborn kittens from that same not yet pregnant cat. (Anatoly Yurkin).

The press is useful simply because it teaches us not to trust the press. (Samuel Butler).

Politicians care about a bright future, historians care about a bright past, journalists care about a bright present. (Hot Petan).

The number of reader responses to an article is inversely proportional to the importance of the topic raised. (Robert Marcus).

Prose is words in the best possible order; poetry - the best words in the best order; and journalism is long-known words in a long-known order.

Ink is 99% water. (Pshekruj).

I really don’t want to believe that lies existed before the invention of printing. (Stanislav Jerzy Lec).

Enlightenment has spread so much that it is now possible to read, write and publish while remaining illiterate. (Hugo Steinhau).

If journalists were blind, deaf and, most importantly, dumb, then their reporting would be much more objective. (Stas Yankovsky).

I'm afraid of journalists. In my opinion, they give the interview to the press even before meeting me. They ask questions themselves and answer them themselves. (Gina Lollobrigida).

Journalism is the art of preparing information.

The telegraph pole is well-edited pine.

The first rule of journalism is: “Changing the name cannot change the essence of an object or phenomenon, but the attitude towards it can.”

Wrote articles on the topic of the day. The day passed, the anger remained. (Yana Dzhangirova).

Whoever buys journalists at retail has a chance to sell sensations wholesale. (Anatoly Yurkin).

Do you want some “fried” facts? Prepare a frying pan with oil, and the facts will not keep you waiting. (A.V. Ivanov).

Journalism is a miniskirt that the whole world puts on over public opinion. (Anatoly Yurkin).

The problem with modern reporters is that, in pursuit of novelty, they are capable of repeating the Second Coming to the point of complete banality. (Valery Shapovalov).

Food for the mind can also be stale. For example, a file of tabloid newspapers yellowed by time. (Yuri Tatarkin)

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. (Frank Zappa).

Only a sincere sense of responsibility will save journalism from subservience to a class of property that pursues selfish goals and opposes the public good (Joseph Pulitzer).

A journalist is not beaten for what he wrote, said or filmed. And for the fact that they read, heard or saw it. (Leonid Parfenov).

There is a journalistic trick that is often used in literature. If you say that there are elephants flying in the sky, they will not believe you. But if you say that there are four hundred and twenty-five elephants flying in the sky, they will probably believe you. (Gabriel Marquez).

Anyone can be a journalist, even me. (Phil Donahue).

The profession of a journalist is one of the most difficult. A journalist is at the same time a statesman, a politician, and a helmsman in the sea of public opinion. I have great respect for them. And he is always ready to contribute to solving their problems. (Islam Karimov).

A journalist is a person who is not allowed to live in peace by the murmur of shame and the constipation of his pen. (Nikolai Shoshanni).

Some journalists are paid so little that they have to write the truth. (Leonid Sukhorukov).

A journalist is a guy who finds out things that people don't know and brings it to the attention of those who don't care. (Walter Winchell).

Based on materials from the Internet

Jokes, aphorisms, humor about journalism

WITH

The blind man sits with a sign “HELP THE BLIND,” but almost no one serves.
One of the passersby says: “You have the wrong sign.” Write a different text and they will serve it. - No, that won't do. I can't lie. - There’s no need to lie. Listen to me, an experienced journalist. Let me write you a text. Wrote. After that, money began to rain down. The blind man couldn't wait to find out what he had written. Finally, one of the passers-by read to him: “SPRING IS SOON. BUT I WILL NOT SEE HER." *** Arriving
at a peaceful and quiet resort, the NTV journalist decided to commit murder within three days.

Conversation between two journalists: “I started reading newspapers from the cradle.”
- And I already peed in them! *** -
Patient, I have two news for you, good and bad.
Which one should we start with? - Give us the bad news and not a word about the good! - Why?! - You see, I am a journalist by profession. *** ill
.
The director called a journalist he knew and said: “Replace.” I'll pay. They take off. — Tell the passengers that we are taking off. Journalist: - Sensation, our plane is about to take off! ***
A drinking competition was announced at Moscow State University among faculties
. A month later, there is a crowd of people in the large hall - the results are announced: - First place in beer - the physics department! — In terms of wines, first place goes to the Faculty of Philology! - First place in vodka - Mechanics and Mathematics! Voice from the audience: - What about the journalism department? - So it’s a competition for amateurs... *** all
the journalists.
Too expensive... *** Not
having a single thought and being able to express it is how you become a journalist.
*** A
few days after the wedding, the daughter calls her mother: “I will never marry a journalist again!” - What happened, dear? After all, he is such a wonderful man. “But he published in his newspaper the love letters that I wrote to him before the wedding. “Don’t worry, honey, you should be flattered.” - But he published them in the “Humor” section!

FIRST AXIOM OF JOURNALISM: Treat the reader as an intelligent person, but do not forget that he is an idiot.
SECOND AXIOM of journalism: do not argue with the reader’s prejudices, but rely on them. *** Journalism
is the art of turning enemies into money.
*** A
journalist writes an article about the achievements of science.
- The whole world is waiting for news from the Large Hadron Collider with bated breath... ugh! - crosses out - with a sinking heart... *** In
connection with the boycott announced by many media outlets to Philip Kirkorov, he now has to call journalists himself to send them to.
*** –
What happened to that journalist who a week ago at the rally shouted “Free press, free press!”?
- Everything is fine. He made a new career and shouts “Free cash register, free cash register!” *** A
real journalist is the one whom many hate, including his colleagues.
*** No
, no and NO!
- the editor-in-chief shouts to the reporter. - This is too long a report. Throw away all unnecessary details! Half an hour later, the reporter brings the text: - Mr. Drow was driving a car at a speed of 100 miles per hour on a slippery highway. Funeral tomorrow at 15:00. *** Yellow
fever is an occupational disease of journalists.
*** -
Will you subscribe to newspapers?
- For what? - We have Internet - Yes? Will you go to the toilet with a keyboard? *** “A
resident should not engage in self-promotion,” the president said in front of 500 journalists.
*** The reporter
limped towards the newspaper editor.
-Where is your interview? - the boss asked sternly. The journalist pointed to the lights under his eyes. “You think we can print your black eyes?” Where is the material? The reporter lifted his hat and showed a large lump on his head. - Look! - he said. The editor exploded like a bomb: “So what?” We can't put it in our newspaper! So you couldn't get a single word out of this guy? “I must admit, he said a few words,” muttered the reporter, “but they were clearly not for publication.” ***
Politicians care
about *** At
the Faculty of Journalism: - One example of a correct story about the same thing can be the following news: “Berlusconi restored dignity to Mars” or “Berlusconi glued the broken @ui to the statue.”
There is no difference, it all depends on what publishing house you work for... *** Concision
is the sister of talent, but the mother-in-law of a journalist.
*** meet
, one complains to the other: - It has become completely impossible to work, there is chaos all around: - In Delhi - they stripped, on the Australian mainland - they cursed, in Guadeloupe - they thrashed!
Well, how are you? - Better not ask! Just returned from Adjara! *** Two
journalists stopped in front of a kindergarten and watched a boy who found a dirty puddle on the lawn and was throwing dirt at other children.
Five minutes they observe, ten minutes they observe. Then one couldn’t stand it, took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away a stingy man’s tear: “Sorry, I got emotional.” Well, just like me as a child! *** In
matters of cannibalism, the sharks of the pen ate the shark of thought.
*** Recently
, in the Amazon jungle, a tribe was discovered whose men are capable of reaching speeds of up to 60 women per hour.
This is all that our correspondent Elena Solovyova managed to report! *** The yellow
press is read not so much out of necessity as out of need.
*** sued
for calling the Baroness a pig in his article. The plaintiff is indignant, nobly indignant, etc. The judge admits she is right and convicts the journalist. Naturally, he gives the defendant the last word. He gets up and says: “Your Honor, this is very important for my future professional activities, so I would like to make sure once again: it means I can’t call the Baroness a pig?” - No, you can’t - or you’ll end up in court again! - And if I call a pig a baroness, will there be something illegal in that? - Well, defendant, I’m not sure that the reader will appreciate your strange sense of humor, but, of course, there will be nothing illegal about it. - So I can, without fear of punishment, call a pig a baroness? - Yes, you can, if you like. The journalist turns to the plaintiff and says: “Congratulations, Baroness!”

AND

A journalist always lies, either because he doesn’t really know the subject he writes or speaks about, or because he knows it too well.
*** If
a journalist’s statement is called “unethical,” you can be almost sure that it is true.
***
crime reporter comes home from work
. His five-year-old daughter asks: “Dad, dad!” What is it: in winter and summer in the same color? (pause) - BLOODY! *** From
the beginning, a journalist receives money for an article, and then an article for money.
*** to
visit the centenarian, who is turning 120 years old.
He sits and asks: “Tell me, did you follow any diet?” - Not really. He ate everything and drank everything. . . — Maybe there’s a special regime??? - Also no. I couldn't even sleep at night. . . - What is your secret then? - Very strong nerves. I have never argued with anyone in my life. - But this simply cannot be!!! - You're right. This really can't be true. *** According
to journalists, Elena Baturina returned to Russia under the guise of Gerard Depardieu ***
Russian
journalists went to an unauthorized rally to protest against the detention of journalists at unauthorized rallies to protest against the ban on holding unauthorized rallies.
*** We
invite journalists to the presentation of the Russian-English dictionary.
New edition, revised edition, champagne, sandwich. from calves *** Journalism
is when they say: “Lord John is dead,” to people who did not even know that Lord John lived.
*** British
scientists have established that journalists, under the guise of British scientists, can make statements that British scientists have established that journalists, under the guise of British scientists, can make statements that British scientists... *** -
N
I hate working with people.
- How can that be, you’re a journalist! “That’s why I work only in gossip columns.” *** A
journalist interviews a major banker: “Have any of the things you dreamed of as a child come true in your life?”
- Well, of course! - he exclaims. “When my mother pulled my hair, I so dreamed that I didn’t have it.” *** in
the newspaper claiming that half of the members of Congress are bribe-takers.
A lawsuit should be filed. A week later, the newspaper prints a refutation: “We apologize. Half the members of Congress are not bribe takers.” *** News
lives as long as rumors grow around it.
*** And
from journalistic notes... At the meeting of German and Russian officials, everyone was very pleasantly surprised by Vladimir Vladimir Putin, who delivered his speech in pure German.
But the press was even more surprised by the entire German delegation, which during its speech constantly jumped up and raised its hands... *** - Do
you know that if the only furniture you have is a coffee table, then you are not a journalist, you are an alcoholic.
*** dies
and ends up in purgatory.
The Archangel addresses him: “Choose where you want: to hell or to heaven?” The journalist thought for a moment and said: “Show me both, and I’ll choose.” The Archangel leads the journalist to hell. There is a smoke screen, everyone is smoking, running around, their hair is disheveled, their computers are smoking: they are writing articles for the next issue. The journalist says: “No, it’s not interesting, it was exactly like that on earth. Take me to heaven! They are coming. And there it’s the same thing: smoke, everyone is running around, computers are smoking... “What’s the difference between heaven and hell?” - asks the journalist. And Archanegel answers him: “It’s just that these will have time to submit the material, but those won’t...” *** A
journalist is a person who always has something to say.
*** Bernard
Shaw at a reception with the Queen: - You wrote that all women are corrupt, right?
- Absolutely, Your Majesty. Queen (offended): - So I’m corrupt too? - Exactly. - And how much do you think I’m worth? - 1 pence - Is it really that little? - Well, you see, you are already bargaining! *** An
old, experienced editor scolds a novice journalist: “Well, here you wrote that official N. is a thief.”
. . It is unacceptable! His lawyers will bombard us with lawsuits and ruin us! . - What should we do if he really is a thief? . - Hm. . . But do this: don’t write the word “thief”, but write “v. O. R. ” and make a footnote that this is an acronym for “employee of concern.” *** On
another big national holiday, which was just a day off, a radio journalist interviews: “Would you like to say something about today’s holiday?”
- Fuck you! - And so throughout the city: jokes, laughter, fun Jokes about Radio
Jokes about Advertising

Jokes and aphorisms about Television and TV stars

Cool congratulations on Printing Day in verse