I calculate easily and professionally
Statuses about accountant's day can be given by all those who are accountants themselves or have close contact with people in this profession. Then the phrases can be either with a positive connotation or with irony or sarcasm:
- We count money and know everything about everyone.
- An accountant is also a person.
- Being an accountant myself, I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy.
- Our work is the most noble and necessary, without us you will not have money.
- For us, Accountant's Day is another reason to emphasize our importance. By shortchanging you at least a little.
- Only strong-willed and seasoned people should work in the accounting department - there is a sea of money constantly floating past your nose.
- No one is interested in an accountant until payday, but we don’t sleep at night – we’re always thinking about you.
- In everyday work, everyone often forgets about these holy people - accountants. They remember only when the wrong number appears on the salary slip.
- Accountants are those people who know how to save money for the company without detriment to the manager.
- You are an excellent accountant if all the people in your organization are happy with their salaries, and the manager is happy that there are savings.
- An accountant is a person who must eat fish and not go fishing.
- Twice two is four, everyone in the whole world knows this, but a competent accountant knows it. It could be 2 or 3 or even 5.
- I’m trying to be like our accountant - without emotion, tell others why they didn’t receive enough money and at the same time make them happy with this fact.
- Your value as an accountant is your rich imagination, when you can justify the most ridiculous order of your boss.
- We ourselves didn’t notice how we all became accountants - we count our pennies scrupulously and meticulously.
- There are fewer and fewer real accountants who combine debits and credits into profit for themselves.
- Through their work, accountants prove that there are no barriers to perfection in legally taking money from people.
- You are an ideal accountant, because your company does not close even during a global crisis.
- A real accountant should be passionate about his work, but not incinerate his employees with one look or word.
- A real accountant devotes himself completely to his work, but will never give away his money.
- Everything is good in our life, because we have the most experienced and competent accountant who will not offend himself and will not abandon people.
- A smart accountant is always simple and sincere, he is friends with the whole team, so no one has any idea how much they are missing out on.
- There is a child in every accountant who has loved saving money since childhood.
- I would like to bow my knees to the accountant profession - he constantly walks on the razor's edge and has trouble sleeping at night.
- Thanks to our accountants for our salaries, they never once said: “There is no money, but you hold on.”
- I was lucky with the accountant, although he saves money, he also doesn’t forget to give people a penny.
- You suffered so much with us, endured our rudeness and broke up fights at the cash register - it’s time to give you the opportunity to live on one salary, our dear accountants.
- A good accountant relaxes people, a bad one teaches us all to count the money we earn on our own and demand what is missing.
- Some people scold accountants, but they are all forced people, so you just have to feel sorry for them.
- Accountant, let me humbly kneel before your name, especially on payday.
- A real accountant works not for his daily bread, but out of vocation and out of a great love for money.
- Only over the years do you begin to understand how kind, patient and understanding you are, our accountants - you had to please the management and not forget about the hard workers.
Quotes about taxes and accounting
Thanks to the activities of the Tax Service, all Russians feel like they are part of the tax system. Taxes are what unites us
Words by Vladimir Mau, Chairman of the Public Council under the Federal Tax Service of Russia, Rector of the Russian Academy of National Economy and Public Administration under the President of the Russian Federation, said in the Taxes program 11/09/2015 (Vesti 24).
Accounting reports are like reports on the progress of military operations: the details are correct, but the whole is a lie.
Quote from Michael Schiff.
Accounting is financial literacy, or the ability to read numbers. You must master this skill if you want to build a business or invest.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 3.
Two things are inevitable in life: death and taxes.
The words of the American politician Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790), from a letter of 1789.
As a result of some ingenious agreement between the Arab rulers and the Byzantine emperors, we managed to pay taxes to both sides and enjoy the protection of both. So we managed to live calmly and without major bloodshed for almost a thousand years...
Taleb Nassim Nicholas, “Black Swan. Under the sign of unpredictability" (2012), about Lebanon.
Government tax collectors are the real robbers. Just like all the other debt collectors.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 7.
The government takes its share of your salary before it even reaches you. By trying to work more, you simply increase the amount of taxes the government collects. From January to May, most people work exclusively for the government.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 2.
Even paying taxes can be done with love: think of it as paying a fee to live in the country
Words from American psychotherapist Louise Hay (born 1926).
Money doesn't smell
The emperor of ancient Rome Vespasian (9 – 79 AD) introduced a tax on toilets. His son Titus reproached his father for this. But the emperor brought the coin to his nose and asked if it smelled. The son replied no.
“Money doesn’t smell,” said Vespasian, “but it’s money from urine.”
If the region is prosperous, if there is an abundance of work, taxes are paid easily and their collection costs the state nothing, we can say that the state's tax collection expenses serve as the surest barometer for determining the poverty or wealth of the country.
Quote from the novel “Les Miserables” (1862) by the French writer Victor Hugo (1802 – 1885), translated by A. K. Vinogradov (1888 – 1946). From the description of the successes achieved by the mayor of Montreal, Uncle Madeleine (Jean Valjean) (Chapter 7, Book 5, Part 1).
If the method of allocation is similar to a cell, then the tax on a palace is similar
From the “Decree on a natural tax on bread, potatoes and oilseeds” (1921) by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930).
If you earn money, you are taxed. If you spend money, you are also taxed. If you save money, if you die, you are always taxed
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 1.
Pay your taxes and sleep well
The slogan of the Federal Tax Service of Russia (FTS RF), which was used from 2001 to 2011. In 2011, the service’s management decided that this slogan created a negative image of the tax service as a punitive body, and the slogan was abandoned.
Salaries come in different colors: black, gray, white... The choice of color is, of course, a matter for each employee and employer
Quote from the article “The benefits of white wages are obvious” from the website of the Office of the Federal Tax Service of the Russian Federation of the Khabarovsk Territory (06/06/2014).
For it is impossible to have peace among nations without armies, nor to have armies without paying them money, nor money without levying taxes.
An ancient saying known in Latin.
To Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's
From the Gospel of Matthew (chapter 22, line 21). Those sent to Jesus Christ from the Pharisees asked him whether it was permissible to pay taxes to Caesar? Jesus, pointing to the image of Caesar and the inscription on the denarius, said: “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”
Round numbers always lie
Words of the English writer and lexicographer Samuel Johnson (Samuel Johnson, 1709 – 1784).
Fake documents don’t like round numbers
Quote from the novel “In the Japanese War” (1906 – 1907) by the Russian writer Vikenty Vikentyevich Veresaev (1867 – 1945). The author describes a scheme for obtaining false documents in the Russian army.
Beard tax
The beard tax was introduced in Russia on the initiative of the Russian Emperor Peter I (1672 – 1725).
Window tax
Window taxes were used in many countries around the world until the early 20th century.
Toilets tax
The toilet tax was used in the 1st century in Ancient Rome.
Hat tax
The Hat tax was used in the 19th century in Great Britain.
Tax is a means to enrich the rich
The title of the article is “Tax is a means to enrich the rich” by Peter Alekseevich Kropotkin (1842-1921) - a Russian revolutionary, one of the theorists of anarchism.
Taxes are a sign of education
From the book “Experience in the Theory of Taxes,” (1818) by the Russian economist Nikolai Ivanovich Turgenev (1789 - 1871).
Taxes are a legal form of robbery
Words attributed to the medieval philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas (1226 - 1274).
Taxes are a punishment for those who work and a reward for those who produce nothing.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011)
Taxes are the price of civilization
Words by US Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841 – 1935).
The Tax Code forces businesses to disclose all the ins and outs of their counterparties
Quote from the website of the Russian Federal Tax Service for the Sverdlovsk Region.
The tax coat is always tight
Otto Bismarck (1815–1898) - statesman, first Chancellor of the German Empire.
Taxation is like the art of plucking a live goose with a maximum of feathers and a minimum of hissing and screaming.
Words of the French Minister of Finance Jean-Baptiste Colbert (1619 - 1683).
Our main enemy is not the owner or the boss, but the tax inspector, who is always ready to take more from you if you let him.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 3.
Arrears
Part of the tax not paid on time.
It is necessary to distinguish between tax optimization practices and cases of criminal tax evasion
Words of Russian President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin from the annual message to the Federal Assembly on May 26, 2004.
There is no better progressive tax: those who have little capital give less, those who have a lot give more
Text written by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930) for a propaganda poster (1921).
The biggest expense for most people is taxes.
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011), ch. 2.
The most incomprehensible thing in this world is the tax scale
Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) - theoretical physicist, winner of the 1921 Nobel Prize in Physics.
The highest taxes are taken from labor income. The least taxes are taken from passive income
Robert Toru Kiyosaki (Rich Dad Poor Dad, 2011).
The most unfortunate code is the tax code
Words (2014) by Alexander Porfirveich Torshin (First Deputy Chairman of the Federation Council of the Russian Federation, born 1953) about frequent changes to the Tax Code of the Russian Federation.
Hand over the tax, and store the rest of the fodder, the rest of the raw materials and food, sell it if you want, eat it for your own pleasure.
Text written by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930) for a propaganda poster (1921).
Salt riot
Speeches against the official Russian government of the townspeople, streltsy, serfs in 1648. The main events took place from June 1 to June 11, 1648 in Moscow.
The score of friendship does not spoil
Russian proverb that friends should be obligated to pay debts and fulfill other obligations with each other.
Customs gives the go-ahead
From the film “White Sun of the Desert” (1970), directed by Vladimir Motyl (1927 - 2010) based on the script by Valentin Ivanovich Yezhov (1921 - 2004) and Rustam Ibragimbekov (b. 1939).
Rate
The word "tariff" comes from the name of the small island of Tarifa near the Strait of Gibraltar (Spain).
Now the allocation has been cancelled, work without being lazy! Just let us deal with poverty, and we will abolish the tax.
Text written by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930) for a propaganda poster (1921).
Term
The word "Term" is of ancient Greek origin. According to legend, there was a god, Terminus, who determined and protected the boundaries of the domains.
Transfer pricing is an art, not a science.
A saying about the complexity of transfer pricing issues (determining the transaction price for tax purposes).
To demand the abolition of taxes today would mean to demand the destruction of society itself.
From the book “Experience in the Theory of Taxes” (1818) by the Russian economist Nikolai Ivanovich Turgenev (1789 - 1871).
You may not notice that everything is going well for you, but the tax service will notice.
Words by the French writer Pierre Daninos (1913-2005).
Tax
State direct taxation, which existed for the non-service population, peasants and townspeople, in the Moscow state and included, in addition to taxes, also in-kind taxes and duties (historical).
Accounting and control
From the work “State and Revolution” (August - September, 1917) the politics of Vladimir Ilyich Lenin (1870 - 1924).
A good shepherd shears the sheep, but does not skin them.
Words of the ancient Roman emperor Tiberius Julius Caesar Augustus (42 BC - 37).
There are no good taxes
Churchill Winston (1874 - 1965) - British statesman and politician, Prime Minister of Great Britain.
What fell from the cart was lost
The proverb appeared in the old days, during the period of fragmentation of Russia into small principalities. When merchants crossed the borders of the principalities, the merchants paid a duty, established as a fixed fee per cart...
So that the peasant knows that he is shedding sweat for himself, not only for the state, the amount of tax is established before the start of field work
Text written by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930) for a propaganda poster (1921).
So that the tax does not become a burden to you, sow more grain
From the “Decree on a natural tax on bread, potatoes and oilseeds” (1921) by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930).
To get everyone to work, they take a tax from everyone
From the “Decree on a natural tax on bread, potatoes and oilseeds” (1921) by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930).
Hey peasant, if you don't know about the decree tax, read, look and think about it
Text written by the Russian poet Vladimir Vladimirovich Mayakovsky (1893 - 1930) for a propaganda poster (1921).
Pomperipossa effect (Taxslov.ru)
From the satirical fairy tale “Pomperipossa in Monismania” (1976) by the Swedish writer Astrid Lindgren (author of “Carlson Who Lives on the Roof”, Pippi Longstocking). In 1976, the tax service assessed a tax on the writer’s income in the amount of 102% of the amount of income she received.
I'm proud to pay taxes in the US; although I would be no less proud for half the amount paid
Words by American radio and television personality Arthur Godfrey (August 31, 1903 – March 16, 1983).
I don’t complain that the gods denied me the sweet fate of challenging taxes
From the poem “From Pindemonti” (1836) by the Russian poet Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin (1799-1837).
I don't waste my money in Las Vegas or at the races. I entrust this matter to the government.
Bob Hope (1903–2003) - American film actor.
Accountant sounds proud, but not always
Phrases about accountant's day can sound either with pride or with a bitter smile. Choose:
- My accountant really brought me into life, I was so tired of how he constantly cheated me that I quit and opened an individual entrepreneur, now he is cheating others.
- An accountant is like a wizard - he can be good and evil. Kind - when your salary meets expectations, evil - when you have been deceived once again.
- Forgive us, accountants, for sometimes being disobedient and impudent, but you perceived us as anyone and did not pay attention to us at all.
- Don't forget your accountants! Write down their names on a piece of paper - it might come in handy.
- A good accountant will always explain why things are not going as they should.
- Today we want to pay tribute to our beloved accountants - those who did not deceive, did not attribute, did not conceal, but were simply honest.
- Before my eyes are the kind eyes of my accountant, who kindly says: “There will be no bonuses, the extra rates have been removed.” I love him for his kindness!
- Congratulations to everyone who today counts, multiplies, reduces debit and credit, but does not steal.
- Dear accountants, you not only gave us money, but also taught us to withstand the blows of fate and laugh at small salaries.
- I take my hat off, accountant, to your heroic work - not being afraid of an angry crowd on payday is a feat.
- For our accountants, we are all children, unreasonable and incomprehensible - how can you even come to work for that kind of money?
- Only the kind eyes of my accountant on payday can fill my soul with joy and positivity, because the pay itself is unlikely to make me happy.
- I would like to congratulate our accountants on their day and take at least a drop of their problems and money from the cash register ourselves.
There are no more secrets
You cannot pay taxes correctly on your own. Proven by tax authorities.
There's not a joke that accounting can't turn into a memo.
From the report of the head of the tax office: “It is difficult to find black wages in the black economy, especially when there is no economy.”
A taxi driver acquaintance said: “If a taxi is called at three o’clock in the morning, and everyone is SOBE, then it’s definitely an accountant!”
We were taught black accounting from school, when they said: “We write one, two in our minds!” »
Tax Inspectorate about accountants: “And yet they move around!”
A few hours ago, the tax office building caught fire. Citizens helped in whatever way they could: some with coal, some with firewood, and some with gasoline...
It’s hard to like taxes at first glance, so you have to take a closer look and go around them a couple of times.
The biggest challenge facing parliamentarians is how to extract money from taxpayers without affecting voters.
Who is an accountant? which solves your problems. that you didn't know about, in a way that you don't understand.
“Eh!” - Gennady Vasilyevich sighed to himself, looking after her - “What retained earnings are wasted. »
You must pay taxes as it is written in the law, and what is written in the law is decided by the tax office.
In the company, at the height of the working day, wild screams are heard, guys in camouflage and masks rush in. Everyone is cheating, there is a cry: “Lie down, this is a robbery!” The chief accountant, sinking to the floor: “They scared me, you bastards, I thought it was the tax police. »
A deranged accountant is not aware of this.
A tax audit is like a minibus. Gone?! Another one is already on its way!
Previously, at the institute I passed the accounting exam on the third try, now at work I submit the annual tax report on the third attempt.
Why are accountants mostly women? Because there is nothing to hang them on.
The new version of the 1C-Accounting 8 program considers improving the toolbar. Instead of the standard “Recalculate” button, the “Recalculate the way I want”, “Recalculate the way the tax office wants”, “Recalculate without source data” and “Recalculate correctly” buttons will be added.
An intelligent-looking man appears in the office of a trading company and, right from the threshold, smiling joyfully, greets everyone present: Good day! I'm from the tax office.
Accountant Sidorov, upon receiving the passport, out of habit, signed his director.
If the balance does not come together immediately, then there is an error in it. If the balance finally comes together, that means there are two mistakes.
I somehow didn’t like the phrase of our chief accountant, uttered with hysterical laughter: “What difference does it make whether you’re imprisoned for a hundred thousand or a billion and a half?”
An accountant cannot delay his salary - he will take it himself, and much more.
An absent-minded accountant mistakenly gave the cleaning lady the director's salary. Three people have heart attacks...
There is a special place in hell for accountants who send details electronically with a picture.
Accounting. Everyone is sitting with computers, calculators, counting. An old abacus hangs on the wall under glass. And under the glass there is a hammer and the signature: “In an emergency, break the glass.”
What do an accountant and a bra have in common? Both one and the other can hide something that is better not to be shown, or they can create the appearance of something that does not really exist.
— I have a new accountant, born in 1951. Imagine, I took the abacus away from him, so he now counts on the computer in Notepad. in a column!
And the heroes Debit and Credit came out for a fair and equal fight not for life, but for death. And they “stood” opposite each other days and nights until the accountant reconciled the balance sheet in double-entry bookkeeping.
There is a tax audit at the enterprise. Everything is correct, there is nothing to complain about. The accountant is happy! The tax inspector too: You are fined! For mocking the tax inspectorate.
Two accountants are sitting, making a report. One thoughtfully asks: “Ol, how much older are you than me?” — For 2 years and 3 quarters. . .
Dialogue in the accounting department: - Ira, you are probably missing something in your life. - In terms of? — You wrote the word “crushed stone” without the letter “sch” on the bills. Four times.
Why does an accountant need Wi-Fi on vacation? That's right, for work!
Statuses for every day: Cool
Happy holiday voice greetings to your phone
Accountant, my dear accountant - that’s what he is...
Quotes about Accountant's Day can be taken from songs, aphorisms or quotes from other people, choose:
- Why did we quarrel with accountants during payday? We should have punched the boss in the face.
- On accountant's day, I want to give them the same half-empty envelope that some gave us on payday.
- I wish all accountants what they need most - money, because many of them receive the same pennies.
- I’ll pick some flowers and give a bouquet to the accountant I love – but I don’t have one yet, so they’ll wither.
- She would have sung everything, she would have sung everything, she would have had fun, but the accountant ruined everything - there was no money.
- Only accountants at corporate events can undress on tables and climb onto bar counters - after all, their work is stressful.
- Men, never go to restaurants on Accountant's Day, where there are a lot of lonely women - you will be captured and are unlikely to return home.
- An accountant is a very harmful profession, there is a lot of money, but it’s not all yours.
- “May you live on one salary!” - it seems that this phrase has reached accountants who only count other people’s money.
- A bad accountant is one who does not dream of running away with the entire cash register of the enterprise.
- Only an accountant can clearly explain on payday that you need to live within your means.
- Accountant's Day - but it all started so beautifully: speeches, toasts, congratulations, and it all ended with the chief accountant Tamara Ivanovna, singing “crazy empress,” jumping on the director’s back and shouting: “And now you are a riding horse!”
- We have not heard these three terrible words: “You have been deprived of a bonus” for a long time, since there is no sign of a bonus.
- There is a difference between accountant and accountant; some come from God, some come from the director.
- Accountants are the same people, they see money with their eyes, but they don’t care.
- We love our accountants, but some with a strange love...
- Let's have a drink, accountant, some dry wine, don't you drink wine? Well, vodka then!
- If you are having fun in life, go to the accounting department, “you will understand everything, you will see everything for yourself.”
- “Nothing in life can knock us out of the saddle” - not even an incorrectly calculated salary.
- “And such a good life,” but it only lasts one day - on payday.
Jokes about auditors
Balance shit Surely many people know the story about the phrase said by a foreign auditor regarding the client’s balance - “We have already seen your balance sheet” (We have already looked at your balance sheet), which was translated to the client by a Russian assistant. The reason for this translation, apparently, lies in the similar sound words sheet - sheet (balance sheet - balance) and shit - shit. Well, the assistant gently translated...
Mussels are independent
So recently, my friends told me that when checking one company, mysterious payments were discovered. Their mystery lay in the fact that the recipients were “Independent Mussels” and “Cats of Russia”. When the freaked-out auditors were able to ask why the hell the trading company was sending money to Russian cats and independent mussels, it turned out that the names “Coty Russia” and “Independent Media” were thus translated into Russian...
Audit Law
Federal law of 08/07/01? 119-FZ “On auditing activities”:
“Those guilty of such violations may be subject to penalties in the manner established by this Federal Law, up to and including the revocation of their auditor qualification certificate...”
Legal reference system (note): “In the official text of the document, there appears to be a typo in paragraph 4 of Article 14: after the words “may be imposed,” the word “penalty” is probably missing.”
Celestial Auditor
Two people are flying in a hot air balloon, trying to figure out where they are (completely lost orientation).
Suddenly they see some gentleman below and desperately shout: “Hey, man, where are we???”
That one (after a pause):
— You are in a hot air balloon at an altitude of 50 meters
- And you are probably an auditor?
- How did you find out?
- Yes, you give an absolutely accurate answer, but completely useless.
— And you are probably businessmen
- How did YOU find out?!
- Yes, you are trying to fly somewhere without even knowing where you are!
The Auditor and the Shepherd
A shepherd grazes a flock of sheep on the side of the road. A brand new Jeep Cherokee pulls up nearby. A young man in a Brioni suit, Cerruti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie comes out of the jeep and asks the shepherd:
- Come on, if I guess how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?
The shepherd thought and agreed.
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop and cell phone, goes to the NASA website, scans a picture of a pasture via GPS, opens the database in Excel, prints out a 150-page report on a cool mini-printer, then turns to the shepherd and says:
- You have exactly 1568 sheep here.
The shepherd confirms:
- Exactly.
The young man takes what is owed to him and loads it into the trunk. Here the shepherd says:
- Come on, I’ll guess where you work, and in return you’ll return my sheep?
“Well, come on,” the young man agrees. “You work at PricewaterhouseCoopers,” says the shepherd. “Exactly, how did you guess?” - Well, it’s elementary - firstly, you showed up without warning, secondly, I had to pay you with a sheep for what I knew without you, and thirdly, you don’t understand anything about what I do - you put my dog in the trunk
