A loved one is... Concept in psychology, how to find and define

Definition in psychology

In psychology there is a term “psychological intimacy”. The definition, according to the famous psychotherapist Erik Erikoson, is: “the desire and ability of people to care for each other, to be able to give everything without reserve, without fear of losing themselves.”

Eric Berne interpreted intimacy as “game-free, open-hearted behavior of a person, which usually does not lead to trouble until some kind of game intervenes.” By game the psychotherapist meant in this case deception, competition, manipulation, including on a subconscious level. Such relationships soon tire the partners, as a result of which the feeling of closeness disappears.

According to V.V. Makarov: in a relationship, everyone should be a kind of psychotherapist for each other, who can support their other half in any situation. Sometimes, instead, a psychotraumatic factor occurs between the couple, namely dependence on a person, a pronounced hierarchy, total control, and more. This all leads to the destruction of relationships.

Each person gives his own definition of this concept. Some believe that a loved one is someone who is always nearby and can support you in difficult times. Life refutes this statement, since you can be close a thousand kilometers from each other.

Others think that a loved one and a close person are the same thing. And to some extent, this is true. Feelings of love and kinship are essentially synonymous. A person who is blood relatives most often turns out to be close. But still, the main criterion is not DNA similarity, but warm relationships. Thus, a loved one is someone who respects your opinion and is always ready to help.

Definition

It is difficult to define those words that are most important in life. How to explain love or life itself? The same situation applies to a loved one. Everyone gives their own definition of this concept. For some, this is a person who is always nearby. At the right moment, you can cry into your vest or share your amazing idea with your loved one. It is desirable that the person be able to find words of support and approval, be able to understand his mental mood and adapt to it. Some people think that a loved one and a loved one are the same thing. This definition is not far from the truth. The feeling of kinship and love are essentially synonymous. How else can you interpret a loved one? A person who is close to you in the truest sense of the word most often turns out to be close to you. But still, the main thing in intimacy is a warm relationship, and not the same DNA.

Parents

Undoubtedly, one of the most important and close people in life is parents. After all, they are the ones who help the baby take his first steps and become a full-fledged person. Mom and dad always worry about their children, they know how to sincerely rejoice at their successes, and also help in any situation not only in word, but also in deed. Therefore, their advice and approval is important even for an adult and accomplished person. Of course, not everyone can classify their parents as close people. But their place, as a rule, is taken by other relatives. These could be uncles, aunts, grandfathers or grandmothers. People who sincerely wish you well and are interested in your success are the most dear and close.

Child

A child is the closest person to every parent. Children contain the continuation of you and the entire family, for this reason people protect their offspring and value them. Even though children grow up quickly and move away from their parents, they still experience some kind of connection. It is important that there is trust between them. Sincere participation in the child’s life and moral support help everyone feel protected and needed. Every person's life becomes complete when there is a clear confidence that he is loved and appreciated.

A loved one is you

Many people are afraid of loneliness and are always in search of “their person.” Sometimes, in their eternal search, they forget about the development of their own personality. And solitude, where you can be alone with yourself, promotes personal growth.

You must always be mentally prepared for the fact that a person may be left alone, since children grow up, loved ones can leave, and parents also do not last forever. Don’t forget that there is always a loved one next to you - that’s you. Some individuals cannot stand loneliness; even within one day they become bored. But it’s worth thinking about how interested others will be in a person who is bored with himself. It is important to sometimes stay alone and listen to your true desires and thoughts. Such practices help to achieve peace of mind and peace.

Steps to salvation

When a loved one is ill for a long time and incurably, it comes to the point where the boundary between oneself and another is lost, the value of life is lost, a feeling of one’s own extinction appears and there is no joy left.
What joy can there be in such circumstances? This is simply indecent, bad, immoral... If there is a terminally ill person in your house, and you often catch yourself in a similar state and thoughts, you need to learn several very important truths and take several important steps.

First of all, you need to realize that the trouble that happened to you is much bigger than you. It is akin to a fire or a tsunami.

Can you stop a wall of flames by simply getting in its way? No. It will swallow you whole and move on.

So it is here: by allowing the misfortune of a loved one to completely consume yourself, you will only destroy your own personality.

The result is depression, nervous breakdowns, impotent anger at the situation and the cause of it, that is, a sick person in the house, a withering feeling of guilt and grief, and so on in a circle. It is clear that this will not benefit your loved one and will not help either him or you.

Brothers and sisters

As a rule, blood relatives, including brothers and sisters, are considered close people. The main reason lies in the fact that interests and worldviews in the family circle, as a rule, coincide. There are times when, when communicating with a loved one, you notice similarities in thoughts. This is what allows you to understand that someone shares your point of view, and thus you feel not alone.

Sisters and brothers often quarrel with each other, but with age, as a rule, this happens much less often, because the understanding comes that life can separate them from friends, but not from blood relatives. Blood ties are stronger than friendships. Relatives are valuable to every person not only because of the reflection of their own personality, but also because of the presence of warm memories together.

Spouses

Finding a like-minded person is considered great luck. As a rule, everyone sooner or later looks for their soul mate in order to subsequently become a husband or wife. But you won’t be able to become close people to each other right away. Sometimes a couple needs to overcome certain difficulties in order for understanding and trust to arise between them, which is the basis for creating and maintaining a strong union. Despite the fact that a wife or husband is chosen of their own free will, their life paths may diverge after a certain amount of time. It also happens that close people become strangers. The reason for this can be anything, but one of the main ones is a change in life values ​​and the loss of common interests.

How do we attract a loved one?

Every day we come across different people: each has their own appearance, timbre of voice, and position in life. But among them we sometimes meet someone close to us.

According to the law of physics, opposites attract. But in some relationships it does not always work, since there must be something in common. It is not for nothing that at various events the silent and talkative person is seated at the table, in order to avoid boredom and aggressive clashes. Thus, they complement each other in some way.

The closest person does not have to be of the opposite sex or a relative. Undoubtedly, family is the most precious value that is worth protecting. But despite this, you can meet a person close in spirit without being blood relatives. An example of this is male friendship, in which the relationship is not with a friend, but as a brother. When close people are nearby, we feel carefree and calm.

How to cope with the death of a loved one

What if the separation was not by mutual consent? How to cope with the death of a loved one? Sometimes this is not so easy to do. Many people withdraw into themselves and become depressed. This is the simplest and worst way out of the situation. What to do if a loved one leaves you and moves on to another world?

• Find something positive. Yes, it is difficult to imagine after the death of a loved one that everything that happens in life is for the better. Everyone has their own time of existence on this earth. And if your loved one has died, then their time is up. He did everything he could. His role has been played in your life. It's sad, it hurts, but it needs to be understood and accepted. Everything will be fine, you need to believe in it.
• Reach out to your friends. Man is not alone in this world. He has friends and relatives. It is their help that you should resort to if a misfortune occurs in your life. Meet with your friends, talk to them about something abstract. This will help you feel that life does not stand still, it continues.
• Find a hobby. For harmonious development, a person must do something. And it is desirable that this activity brings him pleasure. Find yourself a life outlet. This could be drawing, knitting, or assembling furniture.
• Take a break. If you don't like handicrafts, take up sports or start traveling. New impressions and emotions will help heal wounds and make your life more enjoyable and varied.

What makes us close?

There is no definite answer to this question, since everyone has their own life stories and cases. But we can say with confidence that relationships between loved ones and family are built on mutual understanding, respect, attentiveness and gratitude. You need to be able to compromise, understand and forgive. After all, it is close people who know how to feel each other.

Dreams

Why does a loved one dream? Undoubtedly, dreams with them visit us much more often than others. This is due to the fact that it is about them that we think and worry more often. Thus, we can make the assumption that such dreams are a reflection of our attitude towards them. In many dream books, illness or death of loved ones and relatives is interpreted as improved health and long life. But there are other meanings, depending on various details. In addition, for example, the death of a loved one may foreshadow his wedding soon.

If you dreamed of a congenial person whom you have not seen for a long time, then such a dream may promise an important event related to him or an early meeting. Also, relatives may dream of unexpected surprises, pleasant news and changes. Seeing a loved one in health in a dream is a good sign for both.

But despite the huge number of positive meanings, there are also negative ones. When asked why a loved one dies or gets sick in a dream, certain dream books say that in real life this leads to tense and difficult relationships. They also warn you of an important test in the near future.

The death of a loved one in a dream can also mean a serious loss. Also, this may indicate that there is a misunderstanding between you that should be resolved in the near future through a frank conversation. If you dreamed of a loved one with whom you are currently in a quarrel, then such a dream can be considered as an important sign for reconciliation.

As it turned out, there are many options for interpreting certain dreams, both positive and negative. However, only you can decide which option to choose.

Parting with loved ones

People do not always know how to resolve scandals and quarrels peacefully. Sometimes it is easier for them to turn a blind eye to problems rather than talk about them. But ultimately, mutual claims will outweigh the thicket, and the person simply will not be able to endure. Reproaches and resentments that have accumulated in the soul for several years will break out. And what's the result? Loss of a loved one. This price is always paid by those who do not know how to appreciate the present. Parting with someone you care about is always difficult. Is it necessary to do this? There is no universal answer to this question. Each person finds the answer individually. If a loved one moves away from you every day, closes off and does not want to make contact, you need to react quickly. Find out what's going wrong. Talk openly about this topic, otherwise a breakup cannot be avoided. Well, what if a loved one committed betrayal? Resentments of this kind cannot be forgiven. There is only one way out here - separation. If a person betrayed you once, then he can do it again.

The illusion of intimacy

Closeness to a person is periodically confused with “commodity-consumer relations.” But at its core, true intimacy lies in a caring attitude and a desire to learn and discuss the needs of your partner, which will subsequently turn into mutual respect for each other.

According to psychologists, real intimacy differs from an illusion by the willingness to make compromises in various situations. After all, if people are really close, then the couple takes into account the needs of each and finds ways to implement it, because a feeling of comfort is important to both partners and that is why, through joint efforts, they achieve a favorable atmosphere.

It is impossible to achieve complete psychological intimacy in a short period of time. This process occurs over a long period of time, only when people take steps towards each other. But everyone tends to change throughout their lives, so you can study your partner forever. Thus, we can conclude that intimacy has no logical conclusion. Close relationships are a need for constant monitoring of a person’s reactions and listening to his desires.

In intimacy, an important role is played by studying your person and observing changes, which is actually an interesting process, because personal development has no boundaries, you just have to support and help him in this if necessary.

Have time to love your relatives

You can put statuses about your loved ones with meaning when you think about the eternal - love, understanding, goodness. Then you begin to realize that life is really short and you need to have time to give your goods to your loved ones:

1. Previously, we sat on the same pot, now we sit at the same family table, but everything is the same - friendly and with a twinkle.
2. My father never cheated and corrected the distortions in others - in me, for example.
3. My boyish habits come from my brother, it’s good that he doesn’t have my girlish habits.
4. Let's never quarrel - after all, since childhood we had a favorite cartoon about Leopold - “Guys, let's live together!”
5. Quarrel with loved ones shortens an already short life.
6. Relatives are a ray of light in our everyday difficult life.
7. Have time to say nice things to your loved ones, otherwise later, when we see them off on their final journey, everyone cries and says: “I didn’t have time to tell you during my lifetime.”
8. Without loved ones there is no support in life.
9. There is a lot of evil and injustice in the world. Do not spread this to your loved ones - after all, someone should become your fortress from the attacks of strangers?
10. It is always worth understanding and forgiving a loved one, because no one else will do this but you.
11. Never quarrel with your relatives - they are right anyway.
12. Anything can happen in life, but you should take care of your warm family relationships, because in your soul you will always remain the most beloved and dear to each other - in spite of everything.
13. There are many envious and embittered people who dream of tripping you up, don’t join their ranks, at least in relation to your loved ones.
14. Hurry up to do something good for your relatives, so as not to regret that you didn’t have time.
15. I was lucky with my family, I don’t know how she is with me.

How to find your soul mate

Each person, by his nature, cannot be alone for a long time. Therefore, sooner or later he will be in search of people close to him, with whom he will feel truly happy.

You shouldn’t just rely on fate and wait for a person with a soul mate to find you. The following advice from psychologists can help in your search:

• Be alone with yourself more often and understand your inner world and determine your true goals and desires.
• Communicate as much as possible with new people of different ages and social status. Try to be as open and sincere as possible, this is the only way you can meet like-minded people.

How not to lose a loved one

In everyday life, our relationships with loved ones are tested for strength every day. Undoubtedly, in any relationship, sometimes quarrels, misunderstandings and conflicts arise. But don’t forget: to achieve a favorable home atmosphere, you need to work on yourself. But initially you need to be confident in your partner, clearly know that he wishes you happiness and is ready to work on the relationship with you. If you are connected by common views and life positions, then you are already on the right path. The following rules will help strengthen relationships and become a close person for your chosen one:

• Any healthy relationship is built on respect and care.
• Do not limit your chosen one in personal space.
• Don't forget that no person is perfect.
• Don't try to change your partner. Remember, everyone is unique in their own way and with support and help you can raise your self-esteem and improve your relationships.
• In any situation, do not forget about decency.
• Be interested in your partner's hobbies.
• Learn to express your love with a caring attitude and pay attention to your loved one.
• Undoubtedly, everyone is special, who has their own point of view, personal qualities, priorities and ideas. But despite this, it is necessary to accept him as he is and work on relationships in the team. It is through joint work that you can reach any heights much faster. Don't forget what unites you. Common interests and hobbies help strengthen a union that should be cherished. But differences between loved ones are an integral part of healthy relationships.
• Never humiliate your partner or allow yourself to insult him, even when you are very angry. Whatever the circumstances, it is unacceptable: rude attitude, discussion of his shortcomings both in private and, especially, surrounded by third parties.
• Support your chosen one in his plans and self-expression as often as possible. To avoid the feeling of a wall between you, it is important to show each other, if necessary, compassion and patience, and also try not to show jealousy and mistrust.
• When you have a quarrel, you should not put off reconciliation until tomorrow.
• Be an example and ask for forgiveness first. Toward a loved one, you must be noble, open, generous and always ready for reconciliation.
• Don't shift problems onto your partner. Joint resolution of various types of situations contributes to the cohesion of relationships.
• Try to devote more time to each other. Sharing a pleasant pastime only benefits the relationship. Watch movies together more often, talk more on various topics, remember interesting moments together in life, make plans, dream and laugh more, then your life together will sparkle with new colors.

Mother is the closest person to every third resident of our country

Updated HR Communities: hr.superjob.ru

About life

| 28.11.2008 15:26

Research center of the portal SuperJob.ru

In November of this year, the Research Center of the SuperJob.ru portal, commissioned by the Russian Reporter magazine, conducted a survey, the purpose of which was to find out who our compatriots consider to be the closest person. Judging by the results of the study, the most dear person to every third Russian is his mother.

The average Russian spends most of his time at work, so he has to communicate with his colleagues and superiors more than with family and friends. However, a small number of respondents mention co-workers and directors as close people. Much more often, our compatriots call the closest people the people with whom they spend their non-working time - primarily mothers, spouses and children.

“No one can be dearer than a mother!” – every third (34%) survey participant is sure. Young respondents especially value the presence of mothers in their lives: among Russians under 20, 48% do, and among 20-30 year olds, 41%. In the comments of the respondents there are many warm words addressed to mothers: “The closest person is a mother who will listen, give advice, and never betray”; “She is the kindest and most understanding”; “A mother is the person who will never forget her son and will always forgive him.”

22% of Russians can boast of a spiritual relationship with their other half. It is curious that men consider their wives to be the closest people to them much more often than wives consider their husbands. Men (28%) value in their spouses the ability to create a feeling of comfort and tranquility, a “reliable rear,” while women (19%) are grateful to their husbands for their support, sympathy and the opportunity to experience the happiness of motherhood. The older the respondents, the more important the person with whom they “experience joys and sorrows” becomes: if among 20-30-year-old respondents this answer option was indicated by every fifth respondent (21%), then among Russians over 50 years old this answer was given by more than a third (36%).

Family attachment to their children is given first place by 20% of respondents (24% of women and 14% of men). Young parents cannot get enough of their babies and feel a deep sense of responsibility for their new life: “He needs me.” Mature respondents often consider grown-up children the meaning of their lives: “For his sake I can do anything, for his sake I live.”

Unfortunately, only 3% of respondents name their father as their closest person. There are not much more men among them than women: 3% and 2%, respectively. One can find many explanations for this fact: a large number of divorces, the burden of responsibility for the financial support of the family resting on fathers, and, as a result, the lack of time to raise their offspring. It is no coincidence that our country is ranked first in the number of single-parent families, and psychologists are sounding the alarm and noting among the male part of the population “a weakening of psychological incentives to raise children.”

3% of Russians named a friend as their closest person. This answer option is chosen most often by young people (8%). Survey participants under 20 years old admit that they are in a state of conflict between “fathers and children,” so they share their thoughts and experiences with their friends. The men kept their comments short: “Bride.”

Male friends are especially important to 2% of respondents. Representatives of the stronger sex often put time-tested friendship above relationships with lovers: “The closest person is still my only friend, but I only recently met the woman I love.” The girls who chose this answer option primarily mean a romantic relationship: “I’ve been dating a young man for more than four years. I hope we get married soon. Every year he becomes closer to me than my mother. Although, if I could choose two, I would choose both my friend and my mother.” And again, this answer option received the maximum number of votes among survey participants aged 18-20 years (7%).

Brothers and sisters are the closest people for 1% and 2% of respondents, respectively. “We always understand each other, and this is the main thing,” comment the survey participants.

1% of Russians consider their grandmother to be their closest person, but only 8 people out of 3,000 respondents remembered their grandfathers.

Other options were suggested by 1% of study participants. Some of them consider their grandson to be their closest person, and others... their mother-in-law. Among the respondents there were also those who were convinced that the closest being to a person can only be himself: “My closest person is me!”

11% of respondents found it difficult to answer. Some of them note with regret that they “have no one,” while others admit that it is difficult for them to choose the most precious person among several close ones: “They are all dear to me”; “Every loved one is close in their own way... You can’t compare!”

Location of the survey: Russia, all districts Time: November 6-7, 2008 Client: Russian Reporter magazine Population studied: economically active population of Russia over 18 years of age Sample size: 3000 respondents

Question: “The closest person to you is...”

The respondents' answers were distributed as follows:

Some comments from respondents:
“Mother” - 34%

“A mother is the person who will never forget her son and will always forgive him.” “Because she is a mother!” “Mom is the dearest and most beloved person. I can completely trust her and turn to her in difficult times.” “Mom, mom, I miss you so much...” “Of course, mother, but the older I get, the more often I catch myself thinking that a complete stranger can be a close person. Life is a complicated thing.” “I think that for any person, the mother is the closest and dearest.” “I am very grateful to this man. If she hadn't helped me, I would never have become what I am." “This is the most beloved person on this planet.” “Mom is like a friend to me.” “Flesh from flesh, blood from blood, and no one can be dearer than a mother.” “The closest person is a mother who will listen, give advice, and never betray.” “She will always give advice.” “From the first minutes of life, this is the closest person...” “It’s bright in the sun, good in the mother’s presence...” That says it all.” “She is the kindest and most understanding.” “My mother gave me life, so for me this is the closest person.”

“Husband/wife” - 22%

“My wife is my beloved, only, dear person.” “Today, this is the person who is next to me and our children; it is with him, first of all, that we experience the joys and sorrows that the surrounding reality presents.” “The closest person to me is my husband, because he is always there – both in joy and when it’s hard. He will always help and make you happy!” “My parents died a long time ago, my daughter has her own interests. Only my wife is my closest friend.” “Mom and dad too, but I often have conflicts with them, one famous Russian writer wrote about this in his novel “Fathers and Sons.” "This is my soul mate." "Because this is my other half." “In this situation, the closest ones are my husband and my two beautiful sons. I can’t decide which of them is closer.” “I love my husband very much, we almost never part.” “Undoubtedly, the husband is the closest.” “Because with this man I created my family and gave birth to children.” “When I have a child, I think he will be the closest thing to me! And now my husband is the most important person in my life!” “Since my parents are in another city... And so, probably, my mother is the closest person.” “A wife is a faithful companion, a reliable rear support, my peace of mind and support, and most importantly, she is the mother of my children!” “My wife and mother are equally close to me.” “My loved one is always there and supports me in everything.”

"Child" - 20%

“The only, most beloved daughter!” “It can’t be any other way!” “There is no one more expensive than him!” “The first place for me is the child and mother, because they need me.” “For him I can do anything, for him I live.” “My son is a ray of light, I live for him.” "My daughter. And who could be closer to a mother?” “The closest ones are husband, child and mother.” “The child is my flesh and my blood. Who could be closer? “I can’t live without him.” “Yes, child, because, unfortunately, my parents are no longer alive.” "This is the future!" “Give birth first, and then ask.” “The closest ones to me are my daughter and grandson.” “My child is a part of me, my soul and my great joy.” “Yes, I love my daughter! I am a mother! And this is the main point! But I still have a mother and brother! I can’t live a day without them!”

"Father" - 3%

“These are my relatives rolled into one. Of course, I also love my mom very much, I just trust my dad a lot, I can tell him almost everything. And he, like a true friend, will silently listen, draw his conclusions, simply give advice...” “Mother and father equally.”

"Girlfriend" - 3%

"Bride".

"Sister" - 2%

“We always understand each other, and this is the main thing.”

"Friend" - 2%

“He’s the only one supporting me now.” “I have been dating a young man for more than four years. I hope we get married soon. Every year he becomes closer to me than my mother. Although, if I could choose two, I would choose both my friend and my mother.” "My favorite person." "Beloved". "My beloved friend." “The closest person is still my only friend, but I only recently met the woman I love.”

"Brother" - 1%

“Only he understands me.”

"Granny" - 1%

“My grandmother supports me in all my endeavors and in difficult times. She is my closest and dearest person. Thanks to her for having me!”

“Other” - 1%

"It's me". “My closest person is me!” "Me, and only me." “A close person is my whole family, people close to me.” "Mother-in-law." “There are many close people in my life, I can’t and don’t want to single out anyone.” "Grandson". “A person always thinks only of himself, you can never count on even the best people, only occasionally.”

“Difficult to answer” - 11%

"I do not have anyone". “They are all dear to me.” “I am very lonely and need communication.” “Dad, mom and husband are equally close to me.” “Every loved one is close in their own way... You can’t compare!” “It’s impossible to answer unequivocally.” “All of the people listed are an integral part of my worldview!” “I love everyone very much.” “I can’t call anyone the closest. There are simply close people who conventionally fall under the definition of “relatives/friends”. “In every situation there is trust and dependence on different people. Unfortunately, the closest person – my mother – is no longer alive.” “Assessing the degree of intimacy strongly depends on the circumstances: are we talking about a situation when I need help or when I want to share joy, pay attention to a person, and so on...” “This question cannot be answered unambiguously. Each person on this list is close to me in their own way.”

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