Election Day

And now - quotes

/* Mikhail Efremovich turns into Father Innocent */

“Well, Innokenty is Innokenty...

/* Emmanuel Gedeonovich’s car */

- Launch the astronaut and connect me with Misha. -Which astronaut? “Listen, get used to me already.” If it’s Israeli, then it’s military, if it’s Soviet, then it’s champagne, and if you launch it, then it’s an astronaut.

/* Apartment of the general producer of “Like Radio” */

-Misha, are you sleeping? ―What are you saying!.. I never!.. Just for a minute!..

Moscow. Northern River Station. Motor ship "Sergey Abramov"

“Slava, Slava, what’s wrong with the musicians?” “Sasha, here’s a low bow to you.” Never before have 56 people sent me in two hours. Never.

“Sash, now can you explain to me why I had to download everything about the middle Volga region from the Internet from 5 am? - Oh... - Suit. Summer. What?

“And who is Sergey Abramov?” “Vic, what are you doing?” Here is the ship.

/* Nonna is late, but the best defense is an attack */

-Stand! That's who I'll kill first.

/* Airport of one regional center of the Volga region. The current governor Emelyanov is on fire */

-Who is Oliver Cromwell? ―English politician of the seventeenth century. - How many letters? Ah... no, nonsense. Cross it out. And then, who knows this Oliver Cromwell besides you and me?

/* We have been tasked with conducting the election campaign of our candidate in the elections for regional governor */

- Sasha. But we shouldn’t stage a coup in Somalia the day after tomorrow, eh?

“Excuse me, is there a European socket somewhere?” -In Europe!

/* Guber flies to Moscow */

“Listen, I seem to have started to gain weight, haven’t you noticed?” -No.

/* Innocent included in the team */

“What kind of bath is this, son?” This is a font!

“Well, seven and a half thousand for a panopticon with a balalaika in the bath is inexpensive...

/* As they say, let's go... */

“By the way, Sasha, about being late: we just set sail. - How did you sail? But it's a mess. “But you’re in charge.”

/* Song. Elections, elections, candidates are faggots... */

“Tell me, please, is it possible to take this last phrase and throw it away?” -What! Everything was written for her! - This is the song, well done!

- Sash, well done, good guys. “Well... I understand, we’ll put you in Yaroslavl...

/* Regional theater is with us. Artists are ready for anything */

“Everything will happen—demonstrations, hunger strikes, don’t worry.” - This is probably expensive? -I beg you! They don’t get anything at all from the theater! They will starve for food!

/* Need a convincing slogan */

“It’s like, “I’ll give you...” What can he give them? “It depends on what they don’t have.” -They have nothing. “Such a slogan: “I will give you everything.”

/* And immediately drank it */

“It’s a sacred thing to drink to Spartak.” Pour me, son, a hundred grams of vodka... Or better yet, a hundred and fifty.

“Lesh, maybe, really, now we’ll have a beer, and tomorrow we’ll do all this with a clear head?” “Iron logic - now have a beer, and tomorrow with a clear head.”

“So, “Mu-mu” was not written by Turgenev...

Cool quotes from the movie “Election Day”

— 840 per minute?! - What, you had to count per minute or something? - What did you think? - Well, I just counted until I lost track... So, okay, I went to recount...

“Phita” is feminine, and “pikh” is masculine.

- “Pyya”? Or "puya"? - And we’ll find it! - Ah... Thuya!

Where is the picture, why isn’t it broadcast? Kamil?

— What if he calls the presidential administration back and asks who talked to him? - San, I don’t want to upset you, but he’ll still come to us...

- And he is a normal guy, sincere. “Yeah, but only if he finds out the truth, he’ll rip your nostrils out and impale you.” - Get impaled yourself! Cattle!

- Who did your husband leave? - From no one! Nonna is fine!

- So, sons, no one knows how many miles to Chelyabinsk? - Why do you need it? “I had a vision: Margaret Thatcher appeared and said, “Go, Innokenty, to Chelyabinsk, Lenin Street, building 16, they are waiting for you there!” This is the third time he's come, I have to go.

Hello, is this Libya? This is Slava and Lesha. Everyone go to Bolivia! Libya has been warned...

- Ataman Paramonov! Who's in charge here? - I? - Incorrect answer! I'm the boss here! Who authorized the concert? - Why should we..? - Because everything in this city agrees with me. - But freedom of speech...

- Father, how are you feeling? - Not all... - In what sense, father? - I don’t feel like myself at all!

A pregnant woman in the crowd... This is an amazing directorial move!

— I was on stage. It's very nice there. But very slowly. I walked from there for about forty minutes. Why is our stage so far away and not so close? - Hey, how you got hooked!

- You're laughing. - I? I'm crying.

I’m warning you, Sash: the Cossacks will line us up on the deck and ask: “Who is the chief of staff? Who?! Chief of staff?!" - I’m warning you, Sash - I won’t be silent!

- I remembered! Esaul wanted to swim across the Volga. Yesaul was saved, but the font sank. - Terrible, absurd death. - Come on without this cartoon humor, eh, son!

— Georgian trio “Volzhane”. By the way, we are lucky that they are here now. Because they will sell the fruit and leave! - San Sanych, I’ll kill you now!

Yes, I am our candidate Igor Vladimirovich. This is a big surprise for me - just yesterday I didn’t know that I would be a governor. I was actually going to go to the bathhouse today, but for Immanuel Gedeonovich I’m ready for anything!

Give me the microphone and go! I have something to tell them!

- Spruce. - What spruce?! — Coniferous tree with a “p” — spruce. And the poet is Yesenin. And not “To the nanny.” "Letter to Mother." What bullshit, God, what bullshit!

If you elect me governor, I will achieve a legislative ban on the production of frying pans with handles!

Why, why did I do this? Why didn’t I drink for five days - who needed that?!

- So then. For a village video you need a grandfather, a goat, and a pile. Igor Vladimirovich will hug his grandfather and say: “Don’t worry, Ivan Mitrofanich, we’ll raise the village!” — Is it necessary that the name be Ivan Mitrofanovich? - Yes, and the goat is Zoya! There are no trifles here!

And the grace of the Lord will descend on those who put a cross on their ballots... or any other sign opposite the name of our candidate.

And let me, on behalf of the district command, present Igor Vladimirovich with a model of an anti-submarine mine. With exactly the same mine, only smaller, but different, the dolphins who fought on our side blew up the German cruiser Gunther Netzer.

Excuse me, where is the toilet? - As the classic said, you are everywhere!

— What do you think, if vodka is frozen to minus forty, then there will be no degrees at all in it? - What difference does it make to you? You won't be able to drink it anyway! - I’ll gnaw on her!

- How can you confuse them - they are different colors! - I'm colorblind. - So what if you’re color blind, can’t you tell red from green?!

— By the way, Sasha, about being late: we just set sail. - How did you sail? But it's a mess. - But you are in charge.

Maxim, are you drinking again? - I'm tasting.

- Maybe, indeed, now have a beer, and tomorrow with a clear head... - Iron logic - now have a beer, and tomorrow with a clear head.

“We forgot to warn Livia.” - About what? - How?! They'll bomb her! Let them evacuate the population. - Let be. And where to? - To Bolivia. It won't be bombed.

We closed our eyes to this, but what can we do? Come open!

— Our pride is the “Starry Night” cognac drink. Roll it across your palate and you will feel a subtle yet rich aroma. - Pour more so you have something to roll!

Our relations with other nations are improving and will continue to improve! Set aside. “Lie down” is wrong - “put down” is correct! They are and will be overlapping!

- No, only me will be imprisoned - because I am responsible for everything. - Sasha, don’t worry - they’ll put everyone in prison...

- Are they working alive? - Well, yes - here they are...

- You see, Borenka, you have found oil! Yeah. Yes. And nickel! - What kind of nickel... - Norilsk!

- Excuse me, is there a European socket somewhere? - In Europe…

Guys, let’s do this: “I’ll let you drink!” And all voters are ours!

Guys, I don’t want to cause panic, but this is horror!

Every minute the conviction grows stronger in me that we were specifically attacked...

Sash, why are you so brave? Sash?

Sasha, we shouldn’t stage a coup in Somalia, should we?

- Wait a second - I left you - I packed my things and left! - Ha ha, yes - after I kicked you out! -You kicked me out?! Fine. You kicked me out... And thank God that this happened.

Elections are coming soon. You can vote for anyone. But why for anyone, when we have our own, one might say, hereditary military, grandnephew of the living repressed Marshal Blucher and Tukhachevsky, Igor Vladimirovich Tsaplin!

- Slava, who do you want to live with? — With Zhanna Friske. - In general, you will live with Maxim. - Yes, not the best option.

- Listen, who is Sergei Abramov? - Vic, what are you talking about, there’s a steamer!

Listen, little lamb, I’m telling you for the third time: don’t! I won’t repeat it a fourth time, because it won’t be necessary.

- Listen, what should your heart rate be while jogging? - Well, I don’t know - 150 blows. - Yes? Why do I have 840?

- Do you hear, Fedya, what, Sergei Abramov is a Jew or what? - Abramov? Abramov - yes, but Sergei, I think - no.

- Soldiers, my dears, you serve and know that they are waiting for you. Mothers are waiting for their sons, sisters are waiting for brothers, aunts are waiting for these... uncles, and I’m waiting for Volodka... He’ll come back, right? - Where does he serve? - In Karaganda... - Kazakhstan... It’s still calm there, comrades. Will be back!

- Everyone will play - demonstrations, hunger strikes... - This is probably expensive? - I beg you - they don’t get anything at all in the theater. They will starve for food!

- It’s difficult to convey the feelings that we feel now, this feeling that covers us, through it we feel some kind of... - Let’s have a drink!

You are running for a third term, which, in general, is wrong. We closed our eyes to this, but we can, well, open them a little!

— Did you serve in the army yourself? - Yes... No... What do you need? - No to you!

- We have excellent starting positions: a massage therapist candidate, currently busy - looking for an outlet; there is no election program, we haven’t agreed with the press, everything will last for seven days... - We’re leaving. - Of course... - And the money?! - We'll stay. - Certainly…

- Calm down, the broadcast has already happened! - Yes? And what did they say? — That the project manager slept through the broadcast. - That's right, well done... What?!

Fedor, excuse me, we smoked something... I’ve been inhaling and inhaling for the last 10 minutes and not exhaling at all! Is that necessary?

It's because you're a scumbag and always have been. And rightly so, I left you then!

- I am a creative person! Maybe I have some hobbies! Well, I’m not cheating on him! - Like this? - Well, I’m not cheating spiritually... In short, don’t be a bourgeois!

SECOND DAY

- Has your husband left? From whom? - From no one. Nonna is fine.

/* Where is Igor Vladimirovich? */

“I’ve been sleeping here for two hours already, sitting up, so as not to oversleep.”

/* Series of programs “Meet Igor Vladimirovich” */ /* The director has arrived */

-Only after you. -Why? “Because after us there will be a flood.”

/* Near the pool. Innocent is suffering */

“Look what Galatasaray is doing!”

/* Director of local drama theater */

“You can just say San Sanych, without ranks.” Although there are enough officials, one festival in Monchegorsk is worth it!

/* Nonna suffers too */

“I’m a creative person.” I may have some hobbies. But I’m not cheating on him! -Like this? “Well, I’m not cheating spiritually... In short, don’t be a bourgeois.”

/* Where are the Cossacks from? */

“Sash, did you hear that the Cossacks are in the city? Does Frunze know?

-Come on. I'm sure they are civilized people! Or not... “For anyone, but for you, music, these civilized people will come up with a terrible, fierce death!”

/* Puya? Or pha? Or shove? */

“Or maybe, pha?” Is there such a Georgian “pha” tree? Or Japanese? - And really Pushkin? “Here the authors of the crossword quote a poem about a nanny, so...

“Ah, bang!” -Pih? -Yeah. Fir is feminine, and fir is masculine. - Maxim, Maxim, what a bummer, well, what a bummer?? You've got one thing on your mind!

/* Chapelnik. And the Cossacks. Who's in charge here? */

“Don’t they know about the brilliant invention of mankind - a frying pan with a chapel already attached?” Popularly called a “frying pan with a handle.”

“You objectively... don’t need me right now... I’ll go for now.”

/* Ataman is furious... Such work */

- Ataman Paramonov! Who's in charge here? -I!? -Incorrect answer! I'm the boss here!

-But freedom of speech? “But only one word has freedom.” The word is mine!

/* Slava and Kamil Renatovich are breeding the chieftain. For the chapel... */

―Ataman Paramonov? -I! In terms of?

/* Kamil Renatovich gracefully ends the conversation */

-Yes! Because in this life nothing happens for nothing. Even sheep in sheepskin coats.

/* It is unlikely that the governor will continue his activities in your area */

-Where will he go? -Where are we sending him? “And he’s leaving as an ambassador.” To Tunisia. -Why to Tunisia? “Well, where can he go?”

/* Cossack village. Gathering */

“Well, guys, isn’t it time for me?” - It's time, father. Go.

-Brothers and sisters! Blessed will be your locality with all the surrounding villages and summer cottages.

/* Innocent is offered a drink to the ataman’s health and to test the seriousness of his intentions */

- Do you think you'll scare me? Me, an Orthodox priest? And with what? For the chieftain! /* and immediately... */ ―Well, you, dad, are frantic... a minister of cult.

/* Nonna cannot perform. Well, she can’t... Lesha asks her to leave, Nonna refuses to leave */

“Victoria Alexandrovna, I beg you, please take her away from here!” - Lyosha, please forgive me, it’s my fault... - Ha! It's chasing us! Then let's go to the bar! I'll call Volodka! “And you’ve already called him 30 times!” “And I’ll call 30 more times!” He is my beloved husband! Brute... Bastard... Bastard.

/* Igor Vladimirovich was presented with a saber. Love! */

- Excuse me, but who is 'Lyuba'?

/* After party. I mean, a banquet at the end of the rally-concert */

-What is Nonna's name? - Nonna. - Hmm. Thank you.

/* News from the fields. Straight from TV */

“Today people in white robes walked through the city, chanting “Down with Tsar Herod, down with Emelyanov!” '

“And for tomorrow, according to rumors, a procession of Lilliputians is planned under the slogan “The Governor does not notice us.”

TOWN OF VZVEISK

“Listen, little lamb, fix it for yourself, I’m telling you for the third time: don’t, right?” I won’t say it a fourth time, because it won’t be necessary.

“Hello, dear, who’s that there?” Is this Vika, or what? -What Vika? Ah, this is... Victoria Alexandrovna. “Why, Victoria Alexandrovna, isn’t this Vika?!”

/* The tragic story of Vzvey port */

“How can you confuse them, well, they are different colors!” -I'm colorblind! “So what if you’re colorblind? You can’t tell red from green, right?!”

/* Creators are digging up dirt on Comrade Burdun */ /* And Innokenty and Max are tasting... */

-Curious. “Roll it across the sky and you will feel a subtle, yet rich aroma. - Pour more so you have something to roll!

-Maksim! What are you doing? Are you drinking again? - Nope. I'm tasting. -No need. - A serving is 20 grams. 50 varieties. “Oh, okay then... It’s a liter!” “Mm... Curious... I haven’t tried it...

/* What if we combine brands? Your green port and our wonderful candidate */

“But those two carriages of copper, which they first disappeared and then appeared, are a pure misunderstanding. The culprits have already been punished... in the forest.

/* Nonna is looking for a way out. Somewhere */

-What's not clear? This is the star chart of my life!

“This is me, and this is Volodka.” You see, here the paths cross, and here there is a gap. “Volodka was torn apart!”

-What happened? “Well, she has... a star chart.” -What does she have? -What? “So, what did I just say that’s incomprehensible?”

/* History of fawn hats from Igor Vladimirovich */

“Igor Vladimirovich, why didn’t you tell me that you were imprisoned? “Sasha, Lord, why was I sitting there? God, four years. Ugh!

“Remember, there were such fawn hats?” -Yes of course. “Uh-huh, what were they made of?” - From a fawn. - Right. Who are these fawns? “Well, something like an otter, probably.” “That’s what everyone thinks.” But no one knows. We made them from cats.

/* Boys, you shouldn’t go to the pool in vain. You somehow calm down there */

-There will be an Order of Dior of the third degree.

“Slavochka, I thought you liked to swim, you have such shoulders... “What are my shoulders like?” “Hairy!”

Quotes from the movie DMB (100 quotes)

“DMB” is a cult Russian film from 2000 by Roman Kachanov. “DMB” is an abbreviation of the word “demobilization”, the slang meaning of which is the transfer to the reserve of military personnel who have served in active (command) military service in the RF Armed Forces. The film DMB can rightfully be considered one of the best, if not the best, Russian comedy about a soldier's everyday life. The plot of the film tells us how three recruits are drafted into the army and they try with all their might not to lose face in front of their superiors, demobilization officers and the “spirits” surrounding them. We have prepared for you the most interesting quotes from the film DMB.

“They always ask me three questions: why am I in the army, how old am I, and why is the hair on my chest colored?” I'll start with the last one: the hair on my chest was colored because I spilled rocket oxidizer on it. I’m twenty-nine years old, my anniversary is coming soon. And I am in the army because my wife and mother-in-law wanted to send me to an insane asylum - for my beliefs. ...Do you see the gopher? - No. - And I don’t see. And he is!

Eh, my friend, you are young. You don’t choose the oath, but the oath chooses you. Ensign, write down these simple, but at the same time great words.

A patchwork quilt of an unfinished film?

Take me - who was I? And who have I become? To put it mildly, everyone! And why? Yes, because I am a Russian soldier! But a Russian soldier never gives up. Damn it, he has nothing to lose. This is our main military secret.

Life without an army is like love in an elastic band. There is movement, but no progress.

No, our Russian Zen Buddhism.

It was a difficult year: taxes, disasters, prostitution, banditry and shortages in the army. It was impossible to put up with the latter, and a knowledgeable person got down to business - our military commissar. He gathered all the parasites, fools and cripples in the area, even assigning the deaf to the Alpine Grouse border detachment. So many years have passed, and they are still doing weird things somewhere!

Everything about a person should be perfect: shoulder straps, cockade, underwear... Otherwise, he is not a person, but a mammal.

Who is our guru? And our guru is the great Ivan, whose last name is Okhlobystin.

Nature is not a temple, and certainly not a workshop. Nature is a shooting gallery, and it must be fired to kill.

Zinaida - to her mother, with suitcases! And you, young man, put on your trousers and come to me with your record book. Then to the army. Your years are right.

This is not for you.

Don’t tempt, eagle, unnecessarily. There are different people: some defend their homeland from the enemy, others drag the wives of their teachers around institutes by their tits. Both of them can be soldiers, only the first are already soldiers, and the second are not yet.

This is not a vegetable base, comrade conscript. This is the place where you will spend the next two years in an interesting and extremely exciting way.

No. The military is not a profession. This is sexual orientation.

You see, Ch:)Rashka-Who-Has-No-Friends, I took haloperidol, and I’m drawn to the army more and more. What should I do, Rashka-Who-Has-No-Friends?

Guys, where do they hire Navy SEALs? Otherwise, I don’t have any mood for the construction battalion. Since childhood, I can’t stand free physical labor.

Be a man, son. Like your missing father.

Nature is not a temple, and certainly not a workshop. Nature is a shooting gallery, and it must be fired to kill.

The army is not just a kind word, but a very fast deed. This is how we won all the wars. While the enemy is drawing offensive maps, we are changing the landscapes, and manually. When the time comes to attack, the enemy is lost in unfamiliar terrain and comes to a complete lack of combat readiness. This is the point, this is our strategy.

Ciao, pinocchio. You can even write me poste restante letters. My name is Sebastian Pereira, an ebony merchant. Joke.

Yes, life is a deck of cards. I felt suffocated by the world. The world didn’t feel any sympathy for me either. A choice had to be made. Smoking was not allowed in monasteries, drinking was not allowed in prisons, the army remained. The army is a wonderful country of freedom... both from the world and from oneself.

We must understand the depth of our depths.

Guys, where do they hire you to become a Navy SEAL? I don’t have any mood for the construction battalion; since childhood I can’t stand free physical labor.

Son, be a man like your missing father.

I felt suffocated by the world. The world didn’t feel any sympathy for me either. A choice had to be made. Smoking was not allowed in monasteries, drinking was not allowed in prisons, the army remained. The army is a wonderful country of freedom... both from the world and from oneself.

Cheer up, friends. How much do you want? Cheburashka, who is looking for friends, has greenhouses.

Unlike everyone else, I joined the army for spiritual reasons.

While I was dragging him by his left shoe, for some reason I imagined how at that moment on the other side of the city in my rented apartment the brothers Ulugbek and Maksud were wildly yearning for me.

No, Marina, don’t go to Barinov’s birthday party. And don’t go to Tolyan. And go to Aunt Vera.

The duty officer will come and we'll sort it out there.

You can only breathe in the wind...

For the Motherland! For victory! Bread, granddaughters, khanka.

My sister is giving birth to the manager.

Talalaev! Stop all kinds of testing here... Your little pig turned out to be a mutant. He blackened my eye and took away my cutlass!

He offered a bribe. But he didn’t give it.

Be silent! Your marshal was cleaning toilets near Koenigsberg while I was ramming a destroyer! I put 8 cars down, but not a scratch on me.

The prankish ensign farted from the top shelf, and we dreamed of a feat.

Yeah. It's clear. Continue monitoring and we will contact you. Free!

Give me the White Sea Canal! For the homeland! For victory! Hl:)y, unuchki, hanku!

For a good person, the army is a mother... and for a bad person, it is a mother-in-law!

If you knew my friends. I owed them a lot of money. Although they themselves ran into trouble. They shoved bills into my hands. They threw it in my face.

Fierce grandfather! Cast iron monuments to such grandfathers should be erected at train stations, and not tie their hands with belts and certainly not take them to a sobering-up center.

There are different people: some defend their homeland from the enemy, others drag the wives of their teachers around institutes by their tits. Both of them can be soldiers, only the first are already soldiers, and the second are not yet.

Comrade conscripts, we must understand the depth of our depths.

For my grandfather, the miracle hero.

Life without the army is like love in a rubber band: there is movement, but no progress.

I know a place along the road with awesome compasses.

After these words I fell...

What is our life? A game! And the real game of chance begins when at least your health is at stake, but even more fun is your life. You can give it as a purchase.

The army needs soldiers. In an army without a soldier there is absurdity and corruption.

Which immediately included all the funds from the Aliyev orphans that remained in my hands.

In the army, the main thing is not to miss out.

With the ingenuity inherent in all army men, the major poured two glasses of vodka. He forced the ensign to drink one, and the officer drank the other glass himself. Prapor drank and fell like a winter crop.

Comrade conscripts! We must understand the depth of our depths.

There is also a magical Russian tradition: leaving various kinds of fresh food and drinks on the graves of the deceased.

Fir-trees, military man, you were done in a hurry, your whole life is an advertisement for safe sex.

Of course, I don’t mind if you swaddle this hydrocephalus...

Nature is not a temple, and certainly not a workshop. Nature is a shooting gallery, and it must be fired to kill.

Therefore, in order to go to the unit more efficiently, we must get on the bus and proceed to the unit.

A drunken mother means grief in the family.

It was a difficult year. Taxes, disasters, prostitution, banditry and shortages in the army. The latter could not be tolerated. And then a knowledgeable person, our military commissar, got down to business. He gathered all the parasites, fools and cripples in the area, even assigning the deaf to the “Alpine Grouse” border detachment.

The whole place stinks of you!

From here, guys, our Motherland dictates its unyielding will to the rest of the world community. - Maybe we can bang? - We'll definitely bang! And more than once! The whole world is in ruins!... But then.

You don’t choose the oath, but the oath chooses you.

After these words I fell...

My mother is a woman! Who will daddy tyrannize?

Life without an army is like love in an elastic band. There is movement, but no progress.

I know a place along the road with awesome compasses!..

Which immediately included all the funds from the Aliyev orphans that remained in my hands.

Everything about a person should be perfect: shoulder straps, cockade, underwear. Trois boutelles de vodka, avec plaisir.

And this is the guy from the “Don’t grab a live wire” poster.

Smoking was not allowed in monasteries, drinking was not allowed in prisons, the army remained. The army is a wonderful country of freedom both from the world and from oneself.

How insatiable you are, midshipman.

Send me to a hot spot as a sniper, I’m very diligent.

Don't go to a fortune teller!

Okay, bring it in. But! Don't let the hero go into the corridor - I have carpets.

Prapor drank and fell like winter crops.

The prankish ensign farted from the top shelf, and we dreamed of a feat.

Cool... It could have been worse.

Boys, don't you want to sell love?

But I guessed it. Somehow it doesn’t land right. Not our way.

Our sacred duty is to protect the Motherland and observe the rules of personal hygiene! Otherwise everything will go wrong for us. Therefore, in order to go to the unit more efficiently, we must get on the bus... and proceed to the unit.

And if your leg is torn off, the social security department will give you a prosthesis, a parrot and a black mark.

This is not a vegetable base, comrade conscript. This is the place where you will spend the next two years in an interesting and extremely exciting way.

The general handed out machine guns to everyone. And for those who didn’t have enough - sapper blades.

Without a wedding, only flies get married.

I'll tear it apart like a hot water bottle.

Here Ulugbek made a tragic mistake: he pulled the money out, causing him to lose consciousness and his front teeth.

Whoever came up with this needs to hammer a nail into his head.

For good people the army is their mother, and for bad people it is their mother-in-law.

I am a black demobilizer, motherfucker!

The army is not just a kind word, but a very quick deed.

Soldiers! You know what I can tell you, and I know that you can answer me. In short, serve!

I said more simply: “Complete shit!”

Be silent! Your marshal was cleaning toilets near Koenigsberg while I was ramming a destroyer! I put 8 cars down, but not a scratch on me.

Coffee for officers only. Coffee makes me nervous.

Tell me, military man, where is your buffet here?

I'm here. I am there. I always.

You and I will come home wearing a Versace brace.

TOP SECRET MILITARY UNIT

“Have you served in the army yourself?” -Yes. No. And what you need? - You don’t. -Thank you.

/* Presentation of a Certificate of Honor to Burdun from the grateful Syrian people */

“Comrades!” The Russian and Syrian peoples, as they say, have always been deeply intertwined , and therefore it is not for nothing that I was awarded this Certificate, because I am worthy of this award firsthand. And, as our President Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin said dearly, “No one is forgotten, and nothing is forgotten!”, and therefore our relations with other nations are improving and will continue to improve... Set aside! “Lie down” is wrong, “put down” is correct! ... They are and will be overlapped, and it is in this light that we will act with you, which is what I am reporting to the comrades present here. And the main thing is that I didn’t say, but I need to say! -Necessarily.

- Elections are coming soon! You can vote for anyone. But why for anyone, when we have our own, one might say, hereditary military man, grandnephew of the living repressed Marshals Blucher and Tukhachevsky, Igor Vladimirovich Tsaplin... In short, if at least one ballot is voted for someone else, I’ll give you such a dippurple I don’t really want to, that’s it.

“And let me, on behalf of the district command, present Igor Vladimirovich with a model of an anti-submarine mine. With exactly the same mine, only smaller, but different, the dolphins who fought on our side blew up the German cruiser Gunther Netzer.

/* And Nonna is waiting for Volodka. He'll be back, right? */

- Where does he serve? -In Karaganda! “Kazakhstan... It’s still calm there, comrades.” Will be back!

- No, only me will be imprisoned - because I am responsible for everything. - Sasha, don’t worry - they’ll put everyone in prison...

- You're laughing. - I? I'm crying.

Sasha, we shouldn’t stage a coup in Somalia, should we?

- Listen, who is Sergei Abramov? - Vic, what are you talking about, there’s a steamer!

— By the way, Sasha, about being late: we just set sail. - How did you sail? But it's a mess. - But you are in charge. - Slava, who do you want to live with? — With Zhanna Friske. - In general, you will live with Maxim. - Yes, not the best option.

- Excuse me, is there a European socket somewhere? - In Europe…

- Everyone will play - demonstrations, hunger strikes... - This is probably expensive? - I beg you - they don’t get anything at all in the theater. They will starve for food!

A pregnant woman in the crowd... This is an amazing directorial move!

— We need to come up with some convincing slogan. Like “I’ll give you...”. What can he give them? - It depends on what they don’t have. - They have nothing! — Such a slogan: “I will give you everything!” - Yes, nonsense... - Nonsense... - Guys, let’s do this: “I’ll let you drink!” And all voters are ours! - So then. For a village video you need a grandfather, a goat, and a pile. Igor Vladimirovich will hug his grandfather and say: “Don’t worry, Ivan Mitrofanich, we’ll raise the village!” — Is it necessary that the name be Ivan Mitrofanovich? - Yes, and the goat is Zoya! There are no trifles here!

We closed our eyes to this, but what can we do? Come open!

- Maxim, are you drinking again? - I'm tasting.

Sash, why are you so brave? Sash?

I’m warning you, Sash: the Cossacks will line us up on the deck and ask: “Who is the chief of staff? Who?! Chief of staff?!" - I’m warning you, Sash - I won’t be silent!

- Maybe, indeed, now have a beer, and tomorrow with a clear head... - Iron logic - now have a beer, and tomorrow with a clear head.

- Who did your husband leave? - From no one! Nonna is fine!

- “Pyya”? Or "puya"? - And we’ll find it! - Ah... Thuya!

“Phita” is feminine, and “pikh” is masculine.

- Spruce. - What spruce?! — Coniferous tree with a “p” — spruce. And the poet is Yesenin. And not “To the nanny.” "Letter to Mother." What bullshit, God, what bullshit!

- Excuse me, where is the toilet? - As the classic said, you are everywhere!