Selected jokes about eyes
Life is Beautiful and amazing! Why is the eye twitching... So it’s twitching in surprise!
My friend works as a pathologist. The man is so unsociable, taciturn, unsmiling. He even does this with his eyes: MORGUE, MORGUE... They say that for a happy family life you need to close your eyes to each other’s shortcomings... Question: when can you open your eyes?.. No need to offend me, I’m a vulnerable girl - I almost immediately burst into tears ...and then with tear-stained eyes it’s so difficult to understand who you’ll hit on the head with a shovel... - Why do you always ask when I’m going to marry you? – I like to see the horror in your eyes! If a man looks into your eyes for a long, long time, you can be sure that he has already examined everything else. - Describe yourself! - Meat, bones, half a bucket of blood and cheerful brown eyes... I decided to switch to a healthy diet. I was peeling a tangerine, and the juice was splashing into my eye! Sausage would never do this... Interesting observation: 9 out of 10 pirates have one eye missing from the side of the shoulder on which the parrot sits.
For a man to find something in the refrigerator, it must be at eye level and run along the shelf, attracting attention.
I close my eyes - a lot of money, a car, a dacha in Cyprus. I open my eyes - no money, no car, no dacha. Maybe there's something wrong with the eyes? A glass eye inserted into the door peephole will scare away any thief from your apartment. If you suddenly feel bored at dinner, just in the middle of a conversation on abstract topics, look your husband straight in the eyes and ask: “Who is Lena?” I'm not crying, it's just that the price of gasoline has struck my eye. Now I saw the quintessence of uselessness: a boy walks in a cap with the visor facing backwards, he has sunglasses on in front, but not in front of his eyes, headphones hanging on his ears. He went wherever his eyes looked - and ran into a woman’s chest. Once again the wife is hiding her little eyes... I know what this means. No, she didn't change, she bought herself something. I love those girls’ eyes that are round with surprise when I tell them how much I earn. Yes, girls. Nothing is impossible. All in your hands. You can survive on such pennies. From his loving eyes, Katya realized that she could take everything from him. When a consultant tries to sell something: This loan suits you very well, it emphasizes the circles under your eyes, maybe you can take two at once? Chinese weightlifters' eyes are not the least bit narrow.
Cool statuses about eyes
Statuses
Fear has big eyes. Constipation has even more.
Men devouring me with their eyes, at least try not to slurp!
My eyes are kind, but my straitjacket is a straitjacket.
A man and a woman could make eye contact more often, if not for the boobs...
It happens that you just look into a woman’s eyes, and she already understands everything.
I remember when you left, in my eyes there was only pride and fear... Pride from the fact that I will never say: “COME BACK!”, and fear from the fact that YOU WILL NEVER COME BACK.
If it’s harmful to eat at night, close your eyes and eat in silence.
If someone has their eye on your beloved man, what does that mean? So someone has an extra eye!
If, no matter how much you piss in your eyes, it’s all God’s dew, then maybe try some more pungent composition?
The girl had such unnatural eyebrows that when they gave her a black eye, it looked like two seagulls were flying off into the sunset.
An honest man looks a woman in the eye and says, “I like your tits.” The wise man looks at her tits and says: “I like your eyes.”
In the mornings I’m all like this... Well, just like a foreigner: Chinese eyes, African hairstyle and purely Estonian slowness...
Today I woke up abruptly because I thought I was late for work. I opened my eyes and calmed down - phew, I’m at work!
Before the New Year, I started throwing out everything unnecessary from the house... My husband tries not to get noticed.
First you eyeliner, then your eyes fail you.
If suddenly all the women you meet smile at you and lower their eyes coquettishly, then straighten your shoulders, tuck your stomach and zip up your fly.
You guys all want a woman of unearthly beauty to be with you. So here it is. I wish you to meet the same one - green, with one eye on her ass and antennas on her head!
Girls, don’t spend too long on the Internet, get enough sleep, otherwise your boobs will be smaller than the bags under your eyes.
The main thing in a relationship is to learn to close your eyes in time and imagine a waterfall.
I know a great diet - a scam! Extra pounds melt away before your eyes and you can eat absolutely anything and in any quantity!
In the darkness I stepped past the steps, my whole life flashed before my eyes, I have never seen anything more boring.
Wake up stupid, wake up stupid, try for once in your life not to let the smile out of your open eyes.
To prevent your boss from noticing you drunk at work, never catch his eye sober, so that he has nothing to compare with.
The university gave me a lot, before I had nothing, and now I have nothing and a twitching eye.
He was a professional philatelist, and as a hobby, he was passionate about eye surgery...
Looking like a million dollars in another person's eyes is easy. If the other person is a transplant surgeon.
Falling asleep together is so romantic. At first. And then lie down and listen to the snoring. Get elbowed in the eye. Goodbye blanket. Hi Paul…
Fear's eyes are so large that they can even see things that do not exist in nature.
A sucker needs: eyes to blink, ears to clap, a mouth to open, and money to pay for it all.
The eyes are afraid, and the hands are out of their ass.
To pay off the army, a conscript sold a kidney and an eye!
This is what the modular system does to students! I didn’t sleep all night and came to the university with only one eye made up!
Circles of hell under the eyes.
It’s kind of weird to talk to a person who always looks into your eyes when you look at his boobs.
A girl's eyes never lie, but her tongue can get out of any situation.
I only regret one thing: we couldn’t part eye to eye.
He went wherever his eyes looked... And ran into a woman’s chest...
Tearful eye.
Don't fall for the tricks of psychiatrists! Haloperidol does not heal, but actually destroys the channel of communication with the Cosmos, closes the third eye and blocks the chakras!
A woman loves with her ears, a man with his eyes, a dog with his nose, and only a rabbit with what he needs.
It's unpleasant when the truth stings your eyes. But if you turn away, then who knows what part of the body, embittered by being ignored, the truth will begin to prick.
The most dangerous sport game is chess... You can fall asleep and have your eye on the queen...
He was a professional philatelist, and as a hobby, he was passionate about eye surgery...
Today I decided to do some exercise in the morning: I rubbed my eyes several times, yawned and stretched.
Think of a two-digit number from 40 to 80. Multiply by 3. Subtract 11. Add 17, divide by 2 and close your eyes. It's dark, isn't it?
There is no need to offend me, I’m a vulnerable girl, I almost immediately burst into tears... And then with tear-stained eyes it’s so difficult to understand who the shovel hit.
The pain was frozen in my eyes and there was no one to share it with me.
You look for me with your eyes in the crowd, but you don’t find me, because I’m on the sofa.
It’s very uncomfortable to look into the eyes of the cashier who is pushing Doshirak for you for the third evening in a row.
Nothing pleases the eye like a second eye.
I can't pretend I don't care. The twitching eye and foam at the mouth give it away.
He tried to find another with the same eyes as hers... but he forgot that the miracle of the world cannot be repeated.
When you defrost fish, you can read the silent question in its eyes: “What year is it now?”
Love is when you close your eyes to your partner’s shortcomings, open them... hop - and already children!
I don't sleep, I just close my eyes to everything.
At the alumni meeting, I always show off and tell them how cool I am. This makes it easier to borrow money for booze.
Nature gave Asians narrow eyes to make it easier to get a job in sushi bars.
If you look into a person's eyes for too long, you can end up with no eyes and a broken nose.
Santa Claus for last New Year, I asked you for fireworks and firecrackers. So give me 2 fingers and an eye for this one!
A real wife is a woman who knows how to throw three things: banks, eyes and hysterics.
Close your eyes and don't open them to anyone.
I walk with my eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear towards my future happiness through a field of rakes!
Women love romantic men until they need a man's help. And he stands like this - a tear in his eyes, hands out of his ass...
Be afraid to meet him on the street, but look for him with your eyes, find him and be sad for the rest of the evening. Oh yeah! I can!
If you see the heading “Soviet jokes” somewhere, don’t believe your eyes, they are anti-Soviet.
If you want to be happy, look at the world through the eyes of an idiot.
Elena Malysheva recommends applying plantain to your eyes after viewing the exchange rates on the board.
An ordinary day: your eyes hurt from the computer, your ears from your headphones, and your ass from the chair.
Judging by his tired appearance and red eyes, the dealer clearly didn’t get enough sleep.
The most effective method of persuasion is to silently, intently look a person in the eyes and, with a confident movement of the hand, hand him the money.
When getting married, do not forget to close your mouth, ears and eyes.
Do you know the feeling when a girl looks you straight in the eye across a room full of people and says: “Yes, your honor, it’s him!”?
Look into the eyes of the stew.
Our scientists have developed a new species of sighted moles, but Old Believers moles continue to gouge out their own eyes.
When they say, “Oh, I’m so short. Only 175 cm,” I just want to look into this person’s eyes, but to do this I have to stand on a chair.
She was an amateur girl: white eyes, brown teeth, curvy legs and long breasts
Mysterious circles appeared under my eyes.
A person is ready to close his eyes to many things with large denomination banknotes.
Most often, they throw mud at “their own people” from behind their backs, because strangers usually say everything honestly and to their faces.
Do you know what happens when people stop drinking after hearing the eye of God once? They quit drinking and switch to heroin. Because hearing the eye is fucking easy.
Do not confuse an ophthalmologist with an occultist. One is interested in the eye, and the other is interested in the evil eye.
I close my eyes and see yours...
When women's bellies become round, men's eyes become square.
The fact that the girl was drunk was revealed by her red eyes, because it is impossible to smear lipstick like that on a sober person.
Nothing invigorates like lemon juice in the eye.
A girl who is too tough gets eaten with her eyes and gossip!
One-eyed people have an advantage because they can see two eyes of another person, while two-eyed people can only see one eye of one-eyed people.
If the truth hurts your eyes, turn down the brightness.
Sometimes you look at what is happening and think: is Themis blindfolded?
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Jokes about eyes - funny to tears
A wife instructs how to put her one-year-old son to bed: “Don’t look him in the eye, otherwise it’ll be the end.” It’s better to just pretend to be dead, then he’ll walk around and fall behind
Editor to an aspiring poet: Have you already read your poems to anyone? - No, what? -You just have a black eye. – I like to look people straight in the eyes at work for a long time, whoever blinks first loses. - You seem to work in a morgue. – Yes, and I even won a couple of times. Of course, I would like to exercise regularly to maintain my health. Jogging early in the morning, for example. But is this possible with these weather conditions? Sometimes it rains, sometimes it snows, sometimes the sun shines straight into your eyes. - Private Petrov, why do you have to close one eye when taking aim with a rifle? – Because if you close both eyes, the target will not be visible.
Check out: Bear Jokes
– If there is a children's shampoo that does not sting the eyes, then why make a shampoo that stings the eyes for adults? - But because you grew up!!! I don't feel sorry for you anymore. Be grateful that you even have something to wash your empty head with. Mine and cry. My and cry!.. - Doctor, something is wrong with my eye! – Do you think it would be better without an eye?! Women like romantic men until they need real male help. And he stands like this - a tear in his eyes, hands out of his ass... He got on the bus. Two ladies about 35-40 years old sat down in front of me at the stop. One of them looks at me, looked at me five times, then shoved her neighbor in the side and pointed her head at me. She turns and looking into my eyes, thrusts a brochure about Jehovah and his witnesses. And he says: “Young man, we see in your eyes that you are gnawed by some kind of sadness.” Read it and you will feel better. Looking at her with sad eyes, I answer: “I want to piss...” They didn’t turn to me again. Maxim Gorky, when he sang at parties for writers and actors, always closed his eyes. Chekhov was once asked: “Tell me, why does Gorky sing with his eyes closed?” “Gorky has a very kind heart,” Chekhov answered. “He can’t see how others suffer from his singing.” I was about 4 years old when my father came up and told me: “Go tell mom something nice,” I run up to my mom and say: “Mom, you have such beautiful eyes, (mom begins to be touched) like a hippopotamus.” !
You just looked at me and I realized that I was lost...
- Just think about it. In the eyes of every person we know, we are different.
- You can deceive, straighten your back, pretend that you don’t care. But the fearful look, if there is one, you will never change...
- Today I dedicate statuses to your eyes. I hope that in 5 years everything will be exactly the same.
- I love eyes with an indeterminate color: all these green-brown, gray-blue, green-blue...
- It often happens that the love of your life has an eye color that is completely different from what you imagined.
- Joy is first in the eyes, and only then in the corners of the mouth.
- It's good that the eyes can't lie. But the bad thing is that we don’t always want to believe them.
- We met eyes only for a second, but for me it was an eternity...
- We loved, we looked at each other. We didn't realize that we were supposed to be looking in the same direction.
- Most of all I want to look into your eyes. But that's what I'm afraid of.
- Your eyes are just two small lenses. But my God, what are they doing to my heart.
- I wish love could be conveyed with a glance. Infect with it.
- Most of all I love how your eyes close in pleasure...
- Time stops when I look into your eyes. For about 10 minutes.
- To be honest. There are people with beautiful eyes, and there are people who don't. But the most beautiful eyes are always those of your loved one.
- Why are you making my eyes fill with tears?
- I love it when you look at me casually, as if in passing. That's when you are the most beautiful.
- Best accessory? To me, these are the eyes. They always put an end to the image...
- You will not see in a person’s eyes what is not there. Whatever you want.
Joke about wooden eyes
A conference of Russian and American military surgeons is taking place. Americans: – We had a case: one soldier had his eyes knocked out by shrapnel. So, in the field, new ones were planed out of wood, painted and installed. So his body adapted to such an extent that he even began to see!!! Russians: – And we had a case: one soldier had his “manhood” torn off by an anti-personnel mine. So, in the field, they sewed a cow's udder on him and now he can not only sleep with six women at the same time, but also gives up to 10 liters of milk per day!!! Americans: - Oh well... These are fairy tales... Who saw this???... Russians: - Like who!? Your soldier with wooden eyes!!!
Jokes about big eyes
A bear walks through the forest and sees huge eyes in the bushes. The bear shouts: “Who are you?” - Mouse. - What are those eyes? - I poop.
- Grandma, why are your eyes so big? “Granddaughter, this is because grandmothers with small eyes died out, and grandmothers with big eyes were able to survive.” Why do women have big eyes and men have small ones? Women's are large, so that it is easier for them to keep an eye on men, and men's are small, so that it would be more difficult to scratch them out! - Grandma, grandma, why are your eyes so big? – To better see the fine print in contracts! Do you want your eyes to be big and expressive? Push!
Eyelashes are eyelashes, and eyes should be beautiful!
If you don't know what to say to your loved one, just look into his eyes. There you will find answers to all your questions. About this in statuses about a girl’s eyes.
- The girl's eyes should be deep and even a little sad. Only such people can I make into lovers...
- It is impossible to resist a girl who can shoot with her eyes.
- Favorite eyes are an amazing thing. For them we live, and for them we are ready to die.
- I love it when your eyes wake up from a night's sleep, my love!
- Don't cry, dear! Your eyes are made to be admired!
- I love you! My girl with the most unusual eye color...
- Otherwise she's cute. But only sometimes with his own eyes can he look straight into the soul.
- Previously, your eyes were a real joy, but now I understand: they are just poison.
- Well, tell me, why do you need eyes that are completely driving you crazy?!
- People don't die from love. They are simply killing us. With my beloved eyes.
- Your eyes are beautiful even when you cry. But please don't do this!
- I don't need jewelry, because I already have the diamonds in your eyes.
- The beauty of the eyes does not depend on their color. It depends on the happiness in the girl’s soul!
- Blue eyes. This is the reason for my concern.
- You have such eyes that it’s simply impossible not to fall in love...
- Holding hands, you need to look at the stars with the one whose eyes you are ready to give your whole life for...
- The eyes of your loved ones are the ocean. And it doesn’t matter what color they are.
- The best decoration for the eyes is sincerity. And this is undeniable.
