Statuses and quotes from The Simpsons. Quotes from Homer Simpson.

Best Homer Simpson Quotes

Over the course of 498 episodes and the 22-year history of The Simpsons series, the main character, Homer, has become a kind of average male inhabitant of planet Earth, a real cult hero who has repeatedly found himself in all sorts of ratings. In particular, People magazine recognized Homer Simpson as “philosopher of the decade.” And Entertainment Weekly magazine named Homer the most outstanding movie character of the last 20 years. Understand that there is a little Homer Simpson in each of us ;) “I am a white male from 18 to 49. And everyone listens to me, no matter what nonsense I say.”

“It’s not easy to be torn between a pregnant wife and an unbalanced child, but I still carved out my eight hours of watching TV.” “It takes two to lie. One lies, the other listens.”

“I don’t see any point in leaving the house. We still come back every time.” “I see the smiles of my children. And I understand that they are up to something evil.”

"Children is our future. That's why they must be stopped today." “Let's drink to alcohol - the source and solution to all our problems!”

“You know, guys, you can laugh, but it’s much more pleasant for me to feel the sweet breath of a sleeping wife on my neck than to stuff dollar bills into some unknown lady’s thong.”

“Women are like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother to get them." “There is no need to grieve. People die all the time. Who knows, maybe you’ll wake up dead tomorrow.”

“You can’t fool your own mother. You can’t fool her even on the first of April, even if you have an electric fooling chair with you.” “When it comes to compliments, women become irrepressible blood-sucking monsters and demand more, more, and more. But if their desire is satisfied, the payment will be sweet.”

“You can be great at something, but there will always be a million people who do it even better.” “You can’t constantly blame yourself for something. Blame yourself once, and move on with your life.”

“All my life I have dreamed of one thing - to achieve all my goals.” “Children are the same monkeys. They just make more noise.”

“Sometimes I lie in bed and think that nothing will make me get up. And then I feel it getting wet underneath me, and I realize that I was wrong.” “A fool and money are quickly parted. I would pay a lot to anyone who could explain this pattern to me.”

“Give a man a fish and he will be fed all day. Teach a person to fish and he will certainly get his hook caught in his eyelid or something like that.” “My father never believed in me. I will not repeat his mistakes: from today I will be gentler with my son. And be tougher with my father.”

“No matter how powerful and amazing it is, I will not tolerate attacks even from the ocean!” "Even if you're borrowing something from a neighbor, it's still best to do it under cover of darkness."

“I won’t lie: being a father is not easy. Not like a mother." “In my house we obey only the laws of thermodynamics.”

“It’s always better to watch the process than to do something yourself.” “To be loved, you have to be nice to everyone every day. To be hated, you don’t have to strain at all.”

“Life is just a bunch of crap that happens.” well, and a little more ;)) - Why did you give Lisa a pony?
- She stopped loving me. - I don't love you either. Give me a moped! *** It’s actually hard to surprise me... Oh! Blue car! *** I came here to be experimented on and shocked, not insulted! *** (Marge forces Homer to do something) - Work? On Sunday? Plague on you! Plague! *** - Dad, you promised to take us to the lake. “I promised a lot, that’s why I’m a good father.” *** Lisa, it’s very easy to become president: the main thing is to show the army where to shoot. *** I can’t go anymore! Move on yourself... and carry me! *** Our marriage is based on lies, but other beautiful things like religion and American history are also based on lies. *** All my life I have dreamed of one thing - to achieve all my goals. *** [Homer and Lisa cross the road to Toronto]: - Dad! Don't go to red! - No big deal, they have free medicine here... [hit by a car] I'm rich!!! *** Please me. Or at least not too upset. *** Who am I deceiving with my brilliant lies!? *** erry: — Lisa looks at Nelson! All: - LISA LOVES NELSON! Milhouse: - Not true! All: - MILHOUSE LOVES LISA! Jenny: - Not true! All: JENNY LOVES MILHOUSE! Uther: - Not true! All: - UTHER LOVES MILHOUSE! Teacher: - Calm down - no one likes Milhouse! *** - We will get rich and start a family. - Homer, we already have a family! - Let's get it going better. *** Live for your own pleasure and leave behind a fat corpse. *** I'm not fat. I am gifted with completeness. *** I'll be brief. Family. Religion. Friendship. Here are three demons you need to overcome to succeed in business. *** Marge: - Homer, revenge won't solve anything. Homer: Then what is America doing in Iraq? *** [Homer has lost Maggie and is in a panic thinking about what to say to Marge] - Marge, Maggie was still very little, we didn’t have time to get used to her... *** - I tried to bite off my foot, but I couldn’t bite through my sock. *** - These are your subordinates, Homer. Your job is to manage and encourage them. Share your invaluable experience and wisdom with them. - Don't worry, it won't take long. *** Let's go to this store before another commercial comes on and makes me do something else! *** How many interesting things you say! What a pity that this doesn’t interest me much *** Don’t be upset that we don’t have money. After all, there are things that cannot be bought for any money, for example, a dinosaur. *** Homer, we have to do something. Today he drinks human blood, and tomorrow he will start smoking! *** — What will you choose: beer or saving your soul? - What kind of beer? *** - Lenny, how is your romance with the girl across the street? — Interrupted, she hung up the curtains. *** From now on I will look forward to everything. My God! Tomorrow there will be a special promotion: two piano benches for the price of one! Oh-oh-oh, I wish it were tomorrow! *** Look, people will always have some statistics. This is known to 14% of the population. *** Stupid planes! Get out of my airspace! *** God, a bear will kill me, so there’s no point in thinking about the dangers of smoking! *** If you get mad at me every time I do something stupid, I'll have to stop doing stupid things. *** I knew you would forget to buy me a gift, so my gift to you is your gift to me. *** (To Lisa): Honey, money can't change people. They can only help them to be themselves. *** Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me. I have a wife and children. Eat them!

Common Homeric Phrases

“Mmm...” + the name of an object, usually edible. The most common: “Mmm... beer...”, “Mmm... donuts...” and “Mmm... hot dog...”. However, inedible items may also be mentioned: “Mmm... organized crime...”, “Mmm... flame-scorched, smoke-smelling hero...”, “Mmm... Rotten fruit.” At the same time, saliva flows from his mouth.
D'ow! (English D'oh!) - in case of unexpected troubles.
Hooray! (sounds like “Woo-hoo!”, English Woohoo!)
Oh you little..! (or: “Oh, you little..!”, “Oh, you little bastard..!” - English “Why you little..!”) - when he strangles Bart.
Buzz! (English: Bo-oring!).

Homer Simpson
Stupid Flanders! (English: Stupid Flanders!) - almost always when Ned Flanders is mentioned, it is accompanied by a shaking of the fist.
Fools! (eng. Suckers!, Suckers!).
A! (eng. Yah!) - a short shrill cry when scared.
Flanders is an asshole! (English PS Flanders - jerk!) - accompanies most of Homer's written sayings, sometimes as a postscript.
USA! USA! (English USA! USA!, sounds like “U-S-Hey! U-S-Hey!”) - when he achieves some significant success.

D'ow!
Sales! (English Sold!, in a figurative sense - “Deceived a fool!”) - as a sign of agreement with the conditions offered to him. He says it hastily, fearing that the interlocutor might change his mind. Usually he himself is the fool in this case.
The Simpsons go to... + name of the place.
Rrrrrrrrr! - a playful squealing sound when Homer wants to have sex.
Nooooooooooooooooooo!!! (English NOOOOOOOO!) - during catastrophic (from his point of view) events, for example, when he comes across a low-fat donut or when Lisa announced that she was taking her mother’s maiden name (Bouvier). The replica parodies similar screams of heroes of modern Hollywood films.
Lisa, stop playing that stupid saxophone!
Oh no, my life is ruined! (English: Oh no, my life is ruined!) - when he is deprived of something important in his opinion.

Sayings about life

You can get whatever you want - cows, thick-fleeced sheep, you can buy golden tripods, golden-maned horses - but it’s impossible to get your life back.
The change of leaves is like the change of human generations.
... We must observe moderation in everything; It’s bad if we force a guest who would like to stay on the road, but keep the guest who is in a hurry on the road: Be kind to those who remain, say goodbye to those who are leaving.
Beautiful things don't last.

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Sayings about God

God finds the culprit.
The gods did not give him the wisdom of a navvy and a plowman, and no other wisdom.
Your word is offensive, I see you are a malicious person. The gods do not endow everyone with everything: not everyone has. Suddenly there is a captivating image and the intelligence and power of the word; In appearance, he is little worthy of attention - But he is gifted with the charm of speech from the gods; people have fun looking at him, speaking with firm courage or with friendly meekness; he is the adornment of assemblies; They see God in him when he walks through the streets of the city. The same one, on the contrary, has a face similar to immortals in beauty; his poor word has no charm at all. Likewise, your beauty is immaculate; even Zeus could not have created you more beautiful; but you have no common sense.
The immortal gods cannot be strangers to each other, even if the great space separated them.
No, I'm not god; How did you dare to liken me to immortals?
Having chosen the painful lot of sad slavery for man, Zeus destroys the best half of his virtues.

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Homer Quotes and Sayings

Homer, (8th century BC), ancient Greek poet, author of the epic cycles “Iliad” and “Odyssey”

God finds the culprit.

A woman is graced by silence.

Whatever word you say is what you will hear in response.

The sons of men are like the leaves of the oak trees.

Men get tired from sleeping, making love, singing and dancing faster than from war.

There is nothing more destructive than a woman.

There is nothing worse than wandering in foreign lands.

Do not impose services against your will.

Beautiful things don't last.

One skilled healer is worth hundreds of warriors.

He is hated to me like the gates of Hell are hated. He who hides one thing in his soul says another.

One should be spoken about, and one should be silent about the other.

I am for you, you are for me.

Nothing on earth gives such great Glory to a vigorous husband as light legs and strong muscles...

The immortal gods cannot be strangers to each other, even if the great space separated them.

It is very unreasonable and boring to tell again what we already told once.

... We must observe moderation in everything; It’s bad if we force a guest who would like to stay on the road, but keep the guest who is in a hurry on the road: Be kind to those who remain, say goodbye to those who are leaving.

There is time for everything: your time for conversation, your time for peace.

Everything on earth changes, everything is fleeting; After all, whatever blooms or lives on earth, man is more fleeting...

The people who live on the abundant land are kind to all, the singers are highly honored by all; they were taught singing by the Muse herself; She loves the singers of the noble tribe.

Human language is flexible; There is no end to his speeches.

A fool knows only what has happened.

However, the blessed gods do not like lawless deeds: There is only one truth and the good deeds of people are pleasing to them...

Think... yourself, but also listen to other people’s advice.

...It is more desirable to meet Death than to grieve as a living person over the loss of what attracted Us so much every day...

...When Evil is committed, it is not easy to correct it.

Of course, being a king is not bad; wealth in the Tsar's House quickly accumulates, and he himself is honored by the people.

...Beauty fades from everlasting sorrow.

He, of course, will not tell a lie, gifted with a great mind.

I hate as much as the gates of Hades, He who hides one thing in his soul says another.

You can get whatever you want - cows and thick-fleeced sheep, you can buy golden tripods, golden-maned horses, but it’s impossible to get your life back.

...Censure and shame are brought upon themselves by People who rob the home and wealth of absent people. We are soon tired of cold sorrow.

Unspeakable happiness resides there, Where husband and wife live unanimously, maintaining domestic order, to the joy of well-meaning people... To their own great glory.

... Homeless wandering is intolerable; The hungry stomach of the poor, who are destined to wander the earth without shelter, is tormented with heavy care at all times.

Completed work feels good.

...Against many, the Strongest is powerless when he is alone: their number is so great.

...By the Sacrilege we always bring upon ourselves certain death...

The power of wine is unspeakable: it makes even the smartest sing loudly and laugh immensely and even dance; Often he suggests a word that it would be better to keep to himself.

There is nothing sweeter to us than our homeland and our relatives, even if we lived luxuriously in a rich monastery on a foreign side, far from our dear parents.

Whatever word you say is what you will hear in response.

The change of leaves is like the change of human generations.

He is unreasonable, he is not able to discern his own benefit, Who on the other side with a friendly master decides to go into battle; he will undoubtedly harm himself.

Cowards alone retreat dishonorably from the battle. He who is courageous in spirit is obliged to stand strong in every battle - whether he strikes or is struck.

Having chosen the painful lot of sad slavery for man, Zeus destroys the best half of his virtues.

Quotes from The Simpsons

I can't give it to you because it means I'll never have it again, and I won't survive that.

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The Simpsons couldn't have killed Flanders by accident; no one would believe it was an accident.

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Magic jeans are pants that can stand up when no one is wearing them.

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The list of Homer Simpson's closest and dearest people looked like this: "Homer, Homer Simpson, Mister Genius." Well, in general, “me, me and me again.”

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Deadbolts were designed to keep people like Nelson out.

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Relationships should not be built on lies. If necessary, then in due time, the lie will come on its own.

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I know what you did last summer, or rather twenty-five years ago, in the harsh winter.

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Alcohol is the cause and, at the same time, the solution to all human problems.

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If bees live less than people, then people themselves begin to sting God, and this is tragic.

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Top quote: There is no more strength to move on, go now yourself, and carry me.

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Thanks to the doctor, everyone got a huge dose of Christmas fun, which he injected into us.

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Homer Simpson: “My foot was prevented from biting off a sock that I couldn’t bite through.

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Father, don't kill me. I didn't know it would be you.

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Homer Simpson: "We thought he was the worst cop in the world, but he turned out to be the worst football coach in the world."

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Someone, help me remove my unclean paws from my sister.

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Many thanks to all the Coast Guard. You're awesome and it doesn't matter that you're trash.

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Simpson: “The turkey is an animal that turned out to be more cunning than man.

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People will say what I tell them. And I will tell them what you tell me.