Quotes about brother and sister

There are people who have been with you since childhood and who will never leave you in difficult times. And if friends and acquaintances come and go, then brothers and sisters remain with you forever. No matter how much they infuriate you, these people will still remain loved.

The peculiar union of brother and sister deserves special attention. Very often it is difficult for them to find a common language, but if they do this, then the most powerful result comes out of it. We offer you our selection of quotes about brother and sister, that powerful union that is built on trust, sincerity and love.

Character depends on birth order

According to psychologists, birth order determines personality traits. The eldest child is usually responsible, conscientious, ambitious, confident and courageous. He is afraid of not living up to the expectations placed on him; he has developed leadership qualities and observation skills. The average child is usually sensitive and kind, preferring to act to please others rather than obey rules. He is distinguished by his inventiveness and penchant for creativity; he is the most independent child, tolerant and gullible. He easily perceives the values of other people. The youngest is a carefree darling, attached to his mother and inclined to accept someone’s patronage rather than decide for himself, and often bends the rules. Copies the behavior of older children, more of a follower than a leader.

The character of a child is also formed in accordance with his gender. When a child of the opposite sex is born, the position of the first-born is easier, since he does not see him as a direct rival. A child of the same sex provokes a struggle for the mother’s love. The elder has to try to become better and smarter in order to earn praise. The formation of the elder’s personality is also influenced by gender and the number of children born after him. All older children have common characteristics, but the older brother of brothers, the older sister of sisters, the older brother of siblings, and the older sister of siblings will have slightly different personalities.

The elder brother of brothers is often authoritarian, tough, strict, and a clear leader among men. Striving for a leadership position, he takes the attention of women for granted, but treats them with caution. Makes high demands on people, including his wife and children. Strict father and unstable in marriage, changes wives. The best match for him is the younger sister of the brothers, the worst is the older sister of the sisters, who has a powerful character and independence.

The older brothers of the sisters are less rigid and authoritarian, but also leaders. Caring and attentive towards women. The wife is more important to them than the children. They are reputed to be experts on women. The best match for them is the younger sister of the brothers. The most unsuitable is the older sister of the sisters, although these men can get along with them, thanks to their ability to understand women. They are loved by all women; they even find work most often in a female team. Good fathers, they are attentive and not very strict.

The older sister of the brothers is usually a strong-willed, fair and independent woman, ready to make sacrifices for the sake of men. She understands men very well and treats them well. Even among her friends she has more men than women, since she tends not to trust women. If there are many brothers, it is difficult for her to choose one man. The younger brother of the sisters is most suitable for her as a husband, because both are accustomed to such roles. The worst pair is the older brother of the brothers, due to the struggle for leadership. The older sister of the brothers takes care of her husband with pleasure, and with the advent of children, the relationship between the spouses improves; she is a kind and caring mother. She likes to work in a male team, and if she is the boss herself, she is very fair.

The elder sister of the sisters is a responsible, independent person, a good organizer. The younger brother of the sisters can become a good husband for her, since he is accustomed to accepting the leadership of his older sister. The most unsuitable match for her is the older brother of the brothers, since she has no experience communicating with the opposite sex. The constant struggle for power in such a marriage provokes discontent and misunderstanding between spouses. Older sisters of sisters can become domineering and overprotective mothers and wives. They pay more attention to their children than to their husband. Older sisters have, like all women, an incredible ability to maintain family ties.

The older brother of siblings may combine the character traits of the older brother of brothers and the older brother of sisters. Also, the elder sister of siblings combines the properties of the elder sister of brothers and the elder sister of sisters. Thanks to this combination, their characters become more flexible, they are more successful in both family and social life. They then easily transfer the experience of communicating with the opposite sex into their own. These role characteristics can also be applied to middle children, since they are older than younger ones. Younger children tend to be led, so when paired with younger children, there is a struggle for the right to give up the palm. Based on observations of thousands of families, the listed order-role characteristics are the most common, but under the influence of various reasons they can vary.

Many habits, outlook on life, sense of self and view of others are formed in childhood. What was absorbed as a reality in the parental family from a very early age is subsequently reproduced in adult life - according to the established pattern. Thus, relationships with brothers and sisters in the family influence the life of an adult and can be projected onto his relationships with others.

Let us take as an average model for analysis a family in which there is a father, a mother and two children.

The only child in the family

Children who have no siblings enjoy their parents' full attention. All resources of mom and dad belong undividedly to them and only to them. On the one hand, this is good. It's nice to be the only heir of the king and not share with anyone. But everything has a downside.

If parents decide to pin their expectations on their only son or daughter, then the child will have no escape. Total control, care, worry about every sneeze, advice on any occasion. There is no hiding or hiding from such overwhelming care.

The danger of the situation is that an only child grows up with great ambitions. The whole world, like my parents, should belong to me and only me! And these ambitions are often not supported by the experience of fighting and defending their interests. After all, his parents did everything for him. Everything was provided at once, presented on a silver platter. And therefore, when only children leave the greenhouse conditions of their parents’ “Garden of Eden” and are left alone with real difficulties, it is very difficult for them to adapt to this. “Mom, take me back!”

If two such “loners” come together in a relationship, there is a risk that everyone will be on their own. The degree of autonomy and isolation in such a union is simply off the charts.

But since you happen to be in such a couple, remember that respecting the psychological boundaries of your partner is simply necessary. This rule must be observed unconditionally. If you want to be with this person, don’t step on his sore spot.

Surprises and sudden changes in personal plans are extremely painful. Let your partner have his own territory, his own space, his own things, his own time. If he wanted to be alone, let him be. Meanwhile, mind your own business.

Oldest child

Older children can enjoy their sole presence in the family for a while, but sooner or later they are toppled from the pedestal of exclusivity. As soon as they have a brother or sister, parents’ attention naturally switches to the younger one.

Although in most cases the older child is not sent to an orphanage or exiled to his grandmother, he remains a thorn in his heart for the rest of his life. He may perceive what happened as a betrayal of his mother. Her milk now belongs only to the youngest. “Oh woe is me, woe, I will never regain what I have lost!”

And the most unfortunate thing is that the older child can transfer this feeling of betrayal to other people. No matter who he encounters in life - at work, in personal relationships - he may clearly or unconsciously have a model of behavior: “Now, of course, it’s good, but sooner or later one of you will betray me, as mine did.” dear mother. So I won’t trust you..."

Even being at the pinnacle of bliss, such a person is waiting for a catch or trouble. Such a person, even having reached very serious career heights, can be jealous of any talented deputy or subordinate, fearing for his position, taking out unconscious aggression towards his younger brother on it.

But the senior position also has its advantages. Older children, as a rule, have experience of superiority and care for younger ones, are responsible, serious, practical, pragmatic, authoritarian, straightforward. As you yourself understand, in adulthood their leadership career cries for them.

But in order not to turn into a tyrant and despot for their subordinates, older children need to work on the skills of conducting equal dialogue, the ability to listen to the opinions of colleagues and subordinates, and show sincere interest in their lives. In other words, overcome paranoia and practice teamwork skills.

Youngest child

Younger children, on the one hand, from birth fall under the “oppression” of their elders. And the elders have their own rights. “Since you took away from me such a resource as the exclusive attention of my parents, then suffer for it... You will regret that you were born into this world, that you stole my place, my pedestal!”

What older children don’t do with younger ones... What they don’t do... This is what adults (I emphasize, adults and accomplished) people tell during consultations about their relationships with older brothers and sisters in childhood.

They fought, beat, pulled hair, teased, bit, let down, set up, promised and then did not fulfill, stole and damaged personal belongings, deceived, insulted, mocked and offended over trifles, took away goodies and toys, locked in a dark room, they frightened, betrayed, hated, did not communicate, forgot one in the swamp or in the basement. In a word, black ingratitude. The elders did not take the younger ones into their games. The younger ones had to wear the older ones' clothes. They have it laser engraved in their memory.

By definition, they were unable to prove to their elders that they were right by force. Therefore, they successfully developed the skills of psychological struggle, attracting parents, eloquence, imagination, and sometimes deception and manipulation as allies. And in intuition, sensitivity, insight, charm and extrasensory abilities, younger children can definitely give older children a head start.

Additionally, juniors have one key advantage. Parents are usually on their side in children's conflicts. Younger children receive the maximum amount of love, care and protection from their parents. They receive a share of protection and patronage from their older brothers and sisters, especially in relations with strangers. And what is psychologically important: no one will take away this protection and patronage from younger children. “All the sweet buns are just for me, for me, and for me again!”

Therefore, as adults, younger children have, in my opinion, a unique trait. They are carefree! They are sincerely convinced that the world is favorable to them. Just as in childhood they sought and easily found protection from the oppression of their older brothers and sisters from their parents, so in adulthood they are absolutely firmly convinced that if you ask well, everything will work out and resolve itself, without much effort on their part.

Their motto: “Everything will be fine!” But this “good” must be provided to them by other people. The younger ones catch an idea out of thin air for happiness. And all the dirty work to achieve this happiness must be done for them by others.

Those around them really often fall under the charm of the “younger children” and offer them help, assistance, and support for thank you and for their charming smile. The younger ones are carefree, like hippies; Puss in Boots brings them a whole kingdom. While the elders, having inherited a mill, spend their whole lives by the sweat of their brow, providing stability and prosperity to the younger ones.

There is a downside to the usual carelessness of the younger ones. Business partners or partners in personal relationships may sooner or later notice that the younger ones are “slack.” As in the fairy tale “Teremok” by Marshak: “And the Fox is busy on the edge... She, the cheat, has the easiest time of all! Takes care of his red fur."

The solution in this situation is both simple and complex at the same time. Younger people, as free artists, really need a flexible work schedule in the professional sphere, and a long leash in personal relationships. In any case, it is important to “agree on the shore.”

I always recommend the following to my students. If you like a person, hang wallpaper all over your apartment together, go on a hike in the taiga for a couple of days, or, even easier, go on vacation together in the same car for a week. You will immediately understand whether you can bear a carefree younger one next to you. Forewarned is forearmed!

There was a case in my practice when a “carefree slacker” among the juniors, who was about to be fired, with one call found the required amount of money and saved the entire company from bankruptcy, because such people know how to build the right relationships with the right people much better than others. They have this diplomatic talent in their blood.

Since then, this employee has a new call sign: “Our Golden Dollar.” He continues to perform his main duties haphazardly. But the fact remains a fact. At the right moment, it was his contribution to the common cause that came in handy.

From the editor

If the older children in the family are accustomed to growing up early, then the youngest and only children often remain psychological teenagers into adulthood. Anna Vaasi explains how to behave with infantile people : .

If it is difficult to protect a child from traumas associated with the order of appearance in the family (in any case, there are few options: the only one, the eldest, the middle or the youngest), then it is quite possible to protect a child from the destructive attitudes that parents consciously or unconsciously transmit to their children. Nina Rubshtein tells how to protect your children from themselves : .

Regardless of the child’s status in the family, he needs unconditional love and acceptance from his parents. The famous psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya in her book “Secret Support. Attachment in a child’s life” tells how, in the first years of a child’s life, to form a support for him that will support him in the future: .

Whether we like it or not, we will not be able to become ideal parents. Just like our parents failed to cope with this impossible task. We all make mistakes. But we carry some of the words and actions of the adults who matter most to us throughout our lives. How to forgive your mother for all the pain that she caused you, and how to forgive yourself for causing pain to your child, advises psychologist Olga Laurent-Chuvatova : .

"I was forced to love my brother"

The birth of a younger child, as a rule, does not cause euphoria in the older one. At best, he feels something like this: “I like my brother (sister), but I also liked it when mom and dad had only me.” But parents cannot be satisfied with this attitude towards the newborn; they want close relationships to be established between the children from the very beginning.

“When my sister was born,” recalls 31-year-old Valery, “the first thing my grandmother asked me was: “Do you love Musya?” I was nine years old and I wondered: “How can I love someone I haven’t even met yet?” When my family realized that I was not at all delighted with Musechka, they began to talk to me coldly and hostilely, as if I had offended them. In response, I closed myself off, moved away, and over time the whole family gave up on me. Now my sister and I only meet on our parents’ birthdays, we send messages to each other on our birthdays - and that’s it.”

Patterns of relationships between children are very stable. “If Valery’s parents had not forced him to love his sister, everything could have turned out differently,” says family therapist Alexander Chernikov. — By prohibiting children from openly expressing what they feel, parents achieve the opposite result: hidden conflicts, jealousy, envy and hostility appear. Conversely, when they understand and respect everyone’s feelings, it is easier for children to cope with their experiences and free themselves from their grievances.”

Power struggle

Children in large families (despite the guardianship of their parents) are always fighting for power with each other. They use different, sometimes prohibited, methods. They defend the rights to their property and really don’t like it when a brother or sister takes a toy without asking. They use physical aggression, and this is a key factor in cooling relationships in adult life. But you may not know that all these fights for a place in the sun, battles for parental love and attention, defending property rights - all this is for your benefit from the point of view of personal development. The people with whom you participated in these psychological dramas are vital to your development.

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Only child

Such a child is at the same time both the oldest and the youngest. He has fairly high self-esteem and demands quite a lot from life. Usually the only child is lucky; he has the highest scores on most tests of knowledge and “logical abilities”.

But at the same time, he is not used to close communication with other children and often simply does not know how to behave in close relationships.

The only son

As a rule, this is the favorite of parents, the subject of their pride and adoration. If the rest of the world treats him with the same enthusiasm, he takes it for granted, but if others perceive him differently, for him this is the greatest injustice. Alone with himself he feels most comfortable.

The only son often has several marriages - having become accustomed to parental care, he tries to find a wife who would make his life easier, without demanding anything in return.

Ideal partner: Brothers' older sister. However, she will have to come to terms with the fact that all her life she will be more of a mother to her husband than a wife.

Difficult relationships: with my only daughter. Both of them are not used to close and at the same time equal relationships, both want to be in the role of a child.

Only daughter

Too mature and too childish at the same time. In many ways she is similar to her only son, so it is difficult for her to get along with him.

Ideal partner: older brother of the sisters (if she is closer in type to the younger daughter) or younger brother of the sisters (if she is strong and authoritarian).

Difficult relationships: with my only son. However, many conflicts are smoothed out if the couple has a common hobby or profession. Often, by mutual agreement, they decide not to have children.

Best friends: older or younger sisters of sisters. An only daughter is usually more eager to communicate than an only son.

"My sister has always been the favorite"

“My parents always worried only about my sister - both when she was sick a lot as a child, and now, when their “poor baby” is already over 30 and she feels great, absolutely indifferent to everyone and to them in particular,” the 37-year-old is indignant Irina.
“They believe that I myself am capable of coping with any situation, and they don’t even realize how much bitterness and sadness there is in my life and how difficult it is for me alone.” The words “think a little about your sister (brother)” are perceived as “she (he) needs love and protection more than you.” This is difficult for a child to bear, and difficult to accept when you become an adult: this attitude of parents devalues our existence. And just like in childhood, we feel that we are not understood, not recognized, not appreciated...

“But none of the children can know exactly the motives for the selective love of their parents,” clarifies Ekaterina Mikhailova. - After all, it is quite likely that Irina’s younger sister is a “poor thing” only because her birth was, for example, an attempt to save the disintegrating marriage between her parents. So, in a sense, many years of conversations about the “poor thing” are actually a call from parents for help: you are strong, young, help us.

How parental favoritism projects into your adult life

If a child sees that he is not mom and dad’s favorite, he strives to prove that he also has the right to love. On the other hand, favorites quickly develop self-confidence and high self-esteem, but this status gives them the opportunity to rest on their laurels and do nothing. Most people put their childhood grievances behind them and hold no grudges against parents or siblings who were more favored.

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