“We are so close” and “You are my best friend.” Relationships between mothers and daughters as a form of slavery

Statuses about mother and daughter

The mother-daughter relationship is very important for both parties, and therefore one cannot simply ignore this important part of life and hope that it will build itself, without any effort. The mother serves as an example for her daughter, a model of an ideal woman; her image remains with the girl forever and it is from him that she starts, beginning to form her own behavioral model.

You can easily find beautiful, relevant, and, most importantly, original statuses about mother and daughter in the presented article and will be happy to choose the one that suits you.

I don’t know what my daughter would have to do for me to tell her, “but when I was young, I didn’t allow myself to do this.

Every mother must remember that one day her daughter will follow her example, not her advice.

Daughter (6 years old): Mom, you are so beautiful today! Mom: Oh, thank you, my love. Daughter (16 years old): Mom, you are so, so beautiful today... Mom: How long?

The girl is a star, a mother's delight, an invaluable gift from heaven, a mother is rewarded with a crown for her daughter, because queens give birth to princesses!!!

For a mother, a daughter is a bead, a scarlet flower, her most beloved person.

A daughter is a little girl who is growing up to be your friend.

Being the mother of a little daughter means that at home there is a little fashionista, assistant, nanny, cook, artist, trainer, fashion model and Skoda all rolled into one. And this is just the beginning...

In their youth, girls look for close friends. And only towards the end of her life does every woman realize that her best friend was her mother.

Even girls who believe that their mother is hopelessly behind fashion secretly dream of being like her.

Traditions of honoring your parents

And since the generation of “good girls” has numerous ranks, the girls drag and pull all this on themselves and cannot say a word in response about the fact that you need to love your children unconditionally... then there are no articles on the topic “daughter unloved by mother "will never catch your eye... the article is about that!

The tradition of honoring our parents is instilled in us from childhood. And it doesn’t matter if it’s dad or mom, EVERYONE just has to!

It is sometimes very difficult for women, especially those who were truly full of inner confidence that everything that mom and dad were doing was correct. The tradition of honoring our parents is in our blood, and no one dares to sit down and somehow talk with their parents about it. Although a frank and honest conversation may not solve all the problems, but still... what if... there will be fewer disliked daughters.

Let's see what psychologists have to say about this.

The traumas inflicted on us in childhood may also be accidental. Mothers themselves often did not realize what and how they were doing. The concept of “unconditional love” is often unknown to them, and they themselves, without realizing it, do not love their daughters! Or they love somehow “in their own way,” with a completely incomprehensible love that constantly needs to be won, with good attitude, behavior, money and super care, to the detriment of their own life.

What is “unconditional love”?

I heard this expression as an adult, when I myself had a big son.

For me, this is Love without any conditions , without the words “you should,” without endless criticism, encouraging and supporting your own child, telling her, and for a girl this is very important, “how beautiful she is,” pampering her with gifts for no reason . Including money, all sorts of goodies and just a break from all the troubles of life.

This is how a girl develops trust in the world, in men, in everything . This will help her very, very much in life!

It's good when mom loves you so much. But if that still doesn’t happen. Here is a reminder about what mothers can be like in relationships with their daughters.

Hatred of a mother for her daughter. The psychology of exit

We have figured out why a mother may not love her daughter - now we will try to understand what to do as a victim of circumstances. If you realize that you are an unloved daughter, the following guide to action will help you not to burden an already difficult situation:

• Don't give in to provocations. The mother will look for confirmation of her beliefs in your words and actions - “My child is bad and here’s why.” Don't respond to attacks.
• Don't try to prove anything . Achieving success to spite someone is a path that leads to nowhere. You will not get satisfaction, and the mother will only end up becoming even more irritated.
• Understand that you are not able to influence other people's emotions . You cannot correct her internal discomfort - she must do it on her own.
• Learn to defend your own boundaries and interests. If you feel that your character is too soft to confront a tyrant, your best option is to forge an independent life separately at the first opportunity.
• Demonstrate your autonomy. You can act and make decisions on your own - the mother must understand and accept this. Show persistence and do not give up your position, even if your mother strongly opposes your desire to be independent from her.

Physiology

My daughter is growing up. Various physiological changes occur in her body, which also affect the mother. A woman sees her child grow from a little girl into a young woman. And this leaves its mark on the relationship between mother and daughter. Sometimes this frightens and worries an adult. Sometimes mothers get jealous. But this feeling occurs only if the woman’s growing up was not easy, and she considered herself lonely. In such cases, mothers simply cannot cope with the physiological changes that occur in their daughters. This sometimes alienates close people from each other and devalues ​​their relationships.

As daughters grow up, they become especially vulnerable. They need the support and advice of a loved one in order to accept their new look. But sometimes mothers ignore this moment. Then the girls develop indignation, mistrust and fear. This serves as the next brick of alienation in the ever-growing wall of misunderstanding between close people.

Relationship with adult daughter

Sometimes in life between close people there can be complete harmony or outright hostility. But at the same time, the relationship between mother and adult daughter will never be neutral.

If a woman often criticizes her child, this may indicate her dissatisfaction with herself. The same applies to the reverse situation. An adult daughter's reproaches against her mother are an indicator of her failure in life. After all, blaming is always much easier. But not everyone can take responsibility. This behavior is usually characteristic of immature individuals.

Daughter's decision

What paths can a girl choose to get rid of constant reproaches?

1. Distance yourself. Sometimes communication between close people becomes so unbearable that it constantly ends in scandals. Limiting it would be the best solution for both parties. Of course, achieving this is not as easy as it seems at first glance. After all, women often continue to live under the same roof. The best solution in this case would be to find a new place of residence for your daughter. And even if it is very inconvenient. An adult daughter must set clear communication boundaries and learn to say “no.” In this case, the mother needs to realize that no one is trying to inflict certain moral damage on her. It’s just that an already matured child makes it clear that he has the right to his own life.

2. Find the edges of contact. Women who have lived together for many years cannot help but have common interests. In order to improve the relationship, some will need to go shopping, while others will need to go to the cinema or theater together. But in any case, both mother and daughter should find themselves in a situation where they feel at ease. Being in a good mood, they are unlikely to start a scandal.

3. Conducting a constructive dialogue. Sometimes, to improve relationships, all people need is a heart-to-heart talk. Perhaps many adult daughters have already tried to do this, but their mothers perceived such a step as an attempt to reproach them for something. Most likely, the conversation should be conducted differently. His daughter should start with the fact that she loves her mother and understands that she is worried about her child. However, she does some things that offend. Such statements will be an impetus for the mother to listen to her daughter’s position and accept it.

Growing up

Approximately 1.5-2 years of a child’s life, the relationship between mother and daughter moves to the next stage of its development. The baby is already beginning to separate herself, trying to do something on her own. However, during this period, the woman should still be nearby, ensuring the safety of her child. This is confirmed by examples when we see that a baby playing happily looks around from time to time, looking for his mother with his eyes. If he doesn't find her, he starts crying.

Later, at approximately 7 years of age, girls begin to actively identify themselves with their mothers. They have their own girly things to do. The daughter learns from her mother how to sew and cook, choose clothes and dress up. At this stage, a new stage arises in the psychology of the relationship between mother and daughter. The girl no longer needs a symbiotic relationship, and she has her own secrets and hobbies.

Birth of grandchildren

Often, after an adult daughter has children of her own, women become closer. Grandmothers always become more loyal. At the same time, their adult daughters gain life wisdom.

However, predicting a mother's mood is quite difficult. After all, some women rejoice at the appearance of grandchildren, while others begin to consider themselves old. Often grandmothers think that their daughters are raising their children incorrectly. In this case, they begin to give their grandchildren their unspent love, while making it clear to their daughter that her upbringing principles are bad.

Grandmothers should understand that parents themselves must educate their children and shape their character. Representatives of the older generation should only love their grandchildren and help young people to the best of their ability.

Five destructive types of mother-daughter relationships

Unfortunately, even in seemingly prosperous families, things are often not so smooth. The reason for this is the mother’s incorrect behavior model. Psychologists identify five types of relationships that ultimately lead to disagreement.

1. Daughter as a personal psychologist. Trust between relatives is wonderful, but not when all the family troubles fall on the little girl. It often happens that the mother voices all her experiences to her daughter: regarding the difficult financial situation, difficult relationships with her father, dislike for some relatives, etc. And the baby has no other choice but to listen. As a result, the mother, without realizing it, takes away part of her daughter’s childhood, depriving her of a sense of comfort and security.
2. Dictatorship. “Mom knows best”, “I have already decided everything for you”, “You will do as I told you” - typical attitudes of a dictatorial mother. The reason for this behavior is the oppressive burden of past mistakes. It seems that the mother does not love her daughter, but is only trying to live her life “cleanly.” Any manifestations of personal desires are suppressed in the bud. As a result, the adult daughter does not want to communicate with her mother and tries to reduce the number of visits to the possible minimum, so as not to experience that same feeling of insignificance again.
3. Household use. “The future housewife should not sit idly by”, “No one will marry you, you are so incompetent”, “You should give the money you earn to me” - these phrases are clear signs of domestic exploitation. A mother raises her daughter with the attitude: you are worth something only if you sacrifice everything for the common good. Such girls grow up to be women capable of enduring domestic violence for years. A husband can morally suppress his wife, perceive her as a servant, and she will tolerate such an attitude towards herself, for the reason that in childhood she was given the attitude that this is what a family should look like.
4. Mother boss . A boss mother differs from a dictator mother in that she does not insist on a certain path in life, but only controls the correctness of the decisions made by her daughter. Figuratively speaking, she, as a boss, demands a constant report on the work done, plans for the near and distant future and sets deadlines for their implementation. This often means that the daughter will never learn to make decisions like an adult and will become nervous when she does not receive approval or guidance from older relatives.
5. Mother is a stranger. There may be many reasons for this: the need to provide for the family alone, attempts to improve their personal life, etc. If the parent is constantly absent and takes virtually no part in the life and upbringing of her daughter, their relationship will not develop in the best way: the mother will arise in life only episodically and require love and attention to yourself, which, naturally, will have nowhere to come from. As a result: the mother’s jealousy of her daughter or relatives who replaced her as a guardian.