The phrase “I love my husband’s brother” will seem something wild and shameful to any person. Betrayal in itself does not bring any positive emotions, but if it is betrayal with a loved one, it is a double betrayal. It is difficult for a man to survive the deception of two people at once: the woman he loves and his brother. Therefore, a woman, before deciding on such a unique love triangle, needs to think about what consequences will follow from this.
What to do if you have love for your husband's brother
If you ask the people around you for their opinions, don't expect support. Most will tell you that you are making a terrible mistake that will harm the entire family. The worst person in this situation is the husband who loves you. Therefore, you should rely only on yourself and your feelings.
But don't confuse the two separate problems. You must first address your feelings and the situation with your husband. What went wrong in the marriage? Can this be fixed? Are you really trying to avoid the problem or the work that might be required to fix it? Or are you in a situation that is physically dangerous or mentally destructive? Should you stay or should you go?
Then turn to the love you believe you have for your brother-in-law. Does the fantasy of a wonderful relationship with him arise simply from the contrast between the two brothers? He seems better to you than your husband, but is he better than someone outside the family?
Your "love" for your husband's brother will never be like a fantasy, because such love has its own context and you would be together alone, knowing that you violated the trust of the entire family. The family cannot simply erase the past and forget the old marriage. This isn't a show where they can just change the actor to play your husband.
No one in the family will trust either of you. And if children are involved, they will suffer from this situation for life.
Understand that your feelings are a message being given to you. Your marriage is unhappy and you must decide whether it can be fixed or must end. Don't use that love to avoid responsibility for that decision. And if this ends, you may simply discover that your husband's brother was not as loved and needed as you thought after all.
Another question arises - what kind of brother is this who looks at his brother's wife? Has it ever occurred to you that your brother-in-law might just be playing with you to hurt your husband?
Unless you are planning a divorce or remarrying your husband's brother, this relationship should mean nothing to you. In principle, such a relationship should not even begin. So first, pull yourself together and decide how you want to act.
“It’s too late to drink Borjomi”….
When Vitek found out everything, he sat for a long time, smoked silently and looked at the ceiling. In any other situation, I would not have allowed him to smoke in the room. And in this one, let him smoke. He smoked continuously, one cigarette after another. Then, after eight cigarettes, he said: “Such love is the wrong love.” And he left, looking into my eyes with a very sad look. His look could be understood in two ways. On the one hand, there is the fear that this is reciprocity. On the other hand, it is a sin. And even hatred towards me was visible. After the conversation, literally the next day, he left. Even though I was going to stay for a week. He's on vacation! This means that I ruined his vacation and upset his plans. Sooner or later, I would not be able to stand it and say so.
My mother thought that we had quarreled. It’s better to think that way. I hope that my brother won't tell her anything. Because his aunt, represented by my mother, will not be happy, to put it mildly.
It would be better if we quarreled and then make peace! He left and we don't communicate anymore. We don't communicate at all. This is not the first year. He has a wedding in three weeks. He didn’t invite me, which didn’t surprise me at all. I probably would have done the same thing if I were in his place. My parents were amazed by his act, because they knew how friendly Vitko and I were. I was torn apart with the desire to tell my mother everything. But something didn’t give.
I should also get ready to get married so as not to go completely crazy. But I'm going to anyway. Maybe I'll go out. It will happen, however, it will not happen soon. Even though Vitya is with someone else, even though I know that we are relatives, there is some very tiny hope that we will be together. This is how madness for a loved one “emerges.”
I wander alone in the evenings around his favorite places, remembering our childhood. We never fought, we never spared each other anything. Even then I was drawn to him. But not like it is now. The song comes to mind: “my older brother is getting married today, our whole life will change now.” If I rephrase all this, everything will be the same as in my life. I've played this song thousands of times already. But she didn't save me in any way.
Comments from psychologists
Loving one of your relatives is not normal from a psychological point of view. But besides this, all experts advise looking at the problem from different angles.
The first thing you must decide for yourself is, is it really love? True love is a decision based on the desire to add value to someone else for the rest of their lives without expecting gratitude. True love does not harm others and does not force others to become selfish, thinking only about themselves.
There are a few things that you may not have noticed about your chosen one that should bring you to reality;
- Does he think about the consequences of your affair? Does he think about his brother - your husband? What values does this man follow?
- The more serious question is: if a scandal breaks out in this relationship, will this man support you? Remember that the only stranger here is you. Brothers may quarrel and feud, but the call of blood is strongest. In addition, most likely, society will call you guilty.
- Your feelings are not a true reflection of what you need in the moment. Most likely, the absence of a husband or the lack of his love and attention affects you and pushes you into an outside relationship, and your brother-in-law turned out to be just the first man you came across, he happened to be nearby in moments of loneliness.
Before the situation goes too far, you must take action. Perhaps everything can be fixed and you will be able to save your family.
Photoshop of my feelings
In Photoshop, like the last fool, I sit and cut out her photo from all the photos. And there are more than a thousand of them. At what – different. Vitya always loved variety. I liked the photos, but she wasn't in them. If I were in her place, I would be happier than anyone else. But I am in my place and I know my place.
A beautiful brunette, tall, pleasant, but unhappy. Don't be born beautiful... But no one orders in advance which one she or he should be born. I sit with my beauty in the well..., needed by many. And what? I don’t need anyone except Vitya at all. Friends - guys - please. As much as you like. But loving someone is a no-brainer. This is not a fad. It’s just that, for example, I am of the opinion that there is only one love. Do not have another one. Everything else that one feels for men: passion, habit, understanding, sympathy…. Do you see how many “copies” of feelings there are? The present is one. It, at the moment, lives in me.
Such a huge, but such a feeling he doesn’t need... I have no idea how to change it into the right one. His big heart, which wakes up with another woman, will never belong to me. I won't win it back from the blonde with blue eyes.
How to confess to your husband that you are cheating
No one is above temptation. All people have flaws and weaknesses. And, if after your relationship with your brother-in-law you realized that you were mistaken, then you can restore your relationship with your husband.
Yes, it happens. Many people sometimes make bad decisions, thereby violating their beliefs and values. When they “wake up,” regardless of the reason, they most often experience deep repentance and a strong desire to save their marriages. They live in fear that their spouses might discover what has happened. They also live with a sense of guilt that haunts them. The feeling of guilt is aggravated if the betrayal occurred with the husband's brother - a person who was so close to the family.
If you've lost your way and decide to tell your spouse what happened, it's actually not easy to do. What prevents you from admitting to treason is fear - the fear of being unforgiven, accused and condemned. You can’t just go ahead and admit to your husband that you’re infatuated with his brother. You need to prepare for this.
Step one - preparation
Think carefully before starting a conversation. Your spouse will have a lot of questions. Therefore, try to be ready to hear them and give answers to them:
- How could you do this?
- How long did it last?
- Why him?
- What exactly did you do with the man - all the details.
- Who else knows?
- How did it start?
- Who finished it?
- And many other questions.
If you have any hope of saving your marriage, answer all of these questions in your mind before you start talking to your husband. Tell the truth. Don't embellish or add details that weren't asked for. You must say who it was, no matter how much it hurts your husband. Whatever you keep secret may be revealed later, to your detriment.
Before you tell your spouse, make sure you cut off all contact with his brother.
If you think you can confess and your life will continue as usual, then you don't appreciate the seriousness of what you did.
Step two - tell
Choose a time and place where no one will disturb you. Don't wait until late at night when emotions are less stable. Don't choose a restaurant thinking that being in a public place will soften the reaction. This is a private matter and should be resolved privately.
Start with the news that you are going to talk about something very important, but very painful. Point out that you have only one reason to talk - you want to save your marriage.
Talk about the affair quickly and briefly without excuses. Don't defend your behavior. Especially do not react to your spouse’s emotions - anger, resentment, rage. Your spouse has the right to be angry and say things you don't want to hear. Tolerate this because you yourself are to blame for the consequences.
Repeat often how sorry you are, that you have no excuse, that you ask for forgiveness, and that you want to do everything possible to save the marriage.
Step Three - Execution
Repentant people do not make demands. If you are truly repentant and truly want to save your marriage, you accept all the terms that are offered to you and ask for nothing more. Give your spouse time to figure this out. This may take days, weeks or even months. Have patience and do everything to restore your spouse's trust and improve your relationship. Most likely, your husband’s brother will be erased from your life forever, and besides, you will have difficult relationships with other relatives (if they are aware of your infidelity).
As you can see, you cannot condone someone’s life being ruined by the irresponsibility of another. If you fall in love with your husband's brother, which is unnatural, carefully consider all the options and take the option that promotes your sanity and peace of mind.
Stupid blonde
I dyed my hair blonde, called him on Skype, and thought I might hook him. And he said that “blondness” doesn’t suit me. His words just killed me. I dreamed that he would say something different. After his “truth,” I dyed my hair a burning brunette, not being afraid that something terrible might happen to my hair due to a reaction. I deleted him from all chats and programs, promising myself that I would no longer communicate or remember anyone like him.
Four days have passed. Vitya showed up himself, realizing that I was offended. He challenged me to a serious conversation. She spoke to him coldly and harshly. He asked for forgiveness. The conversation lasted a long time. During such a conversation, I decided that I would tell him the truth as soon as I got the right opportunity.
This opportunity appeared very soon. For my twentieth birthday. Guests arrived. Vitya also arrived. I got drunk like an idiot, called him into my room, and told him everything in detail. And the guests (including his Victoria) were so busy celebrating my little anniversary that they did not notice Vitya’s “disappearance”.
Vitya, of course, was very surprised. But his surprise was mainly dedicated not to my “unraveled” love, but to the fact that I told him about it. I was surprised myself. Not every girl is able to confess such feelings to her boyfriend. Well, even more so for my brother. This is alcohol in my blood. Being like a piece of glass, I hardly said anything. But, judging by the amount of wine I drank, I was very far from a glass.
He taught you competition
Having an older brother is very good because he was the one who taught you how to compete with others. When you start building your career, this skill will be very useful to you.
The elder brother gave you an understanding that there is strong competition in the world, and it is men who often win. It also helped you develop self-esteem and leadership skills.
You teach him to understand girls
Men, as a rule, do not know very much about girls. Therefore, you must teach him how to talk, how to care for a girl. Whenever he has problems with his significant other, he will turn to you for advice. He has become a source of knowledge for you about other guys, so you should return the favor. This way the older brother will learn to trust his little sister.
He showed you how to be tough
Girls who have older brothers most often know how to be a good fighter. Naturally, in the figurative sense of the word. You have learned how to stand up for yourself and make yourself heard. You have learned not to let anyone push you around.
The fighting matches you probably had with your brother as a child taught you to be strong and never give up. He may be stronger than you, but you know what cunning is.
You became his personal stylist
Chances are, you are responsible for what your older brother looks like. It's no secret that men often don't know how to dress, so little sisters often take on the role of stylist for their older brother.
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He taught me to control my emotions
It's no secret that girls are more emotional than boys. But girls who grew up with boys learned to keep their emotions in check. You have learned how to move on. And, most likely, having an older brother means that you have learned to play the role of comforter in difficult or tragic situations.
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