The best human qualities
There are people who attract you like a magnet; you want to communicate with them, share your plans and consult. You know that they will rejoice at your successes and will not envy you or act on the sly. A person's warmth touches other people, and it includes the best qualities.
We are all capable of showing warmth to other people, but we often do so selectively. Usually this “love” is mutual and easy to show. We call some of our acquaintances responsive; they are ready to help, sometimes even to the detriment of their own interests. And if this help comes not from a sense of duty, but from a good disposition, then this is a manifestation of spiritual warmth.
Emotional warmth
— It’s no secret that many people value emotional warmth in communication and are drawn to emotionally warm people.
What is this anyway? Is this some special state of the inner Child? N.N.:
— A very logical question: before talking about such a concept as emotional warmth, especially in a psychotherapeutic, scientific vein, it is necessary to give its definition. To understand: what exactly are we talking about? And here many who enter this term into any Internet search engine will encounter an interesting phenomenon: there is no unambiguous definition of “emotional warmth”. And I’ll suggest why: this term is not scientific, but a specifically everyday one. Because no calorimeter or thermometer can measure this heat. Moreover, usually each of those who use this term means something different by “emotional warmth”.
Mental/emotional warmth is almost always spoken of with some kind of sloganeering. In general, this is a term from the field of internal censorship (or, according to Burn, the internal Parent). This is important to take into account whenever you encounter this concept in some text or in the speech of your interlocutor. In general, it is useful to apply logic, common skepticism, and even what is sometimes called “cynicism” in everyday life to slogan-censorship concepts. For example, you meet somewhere with the call “Take care of the warmth of your soul!” A sensible skeptic immediately has a lot of questions: what is the warmth of the soul? Who should it warm first? And how to take care of it, what is it spent on?
By the way, it is very accurately noted: everything emotional belongs to the area of the unconscious, or, according to Burn, to the area of the inner Child. And the inner Child lives here and now. Therefore, in order for a person to “share emotional warmth” - he himself has this warmth, this, if you like, emotional comfort in the first place, and it cannot be stored up for future use or spent on debt.
—Are there people who naturally have this warmth? How mentally taxing can it be for a person to be emotionally warm? In what professions can this quality help?
N.N.:
— Please note that “spiritual/emotional warmth” as a term is practically not used when a person speaks about himself: but quite often it is used when addressing another. This further emphasizes the Parental essence of this concept as an established ideological cliche. And it is important to understand that when they tell you (or even demand from you) “You must be emotionally warm”, quite often this means something like this: “You must please the people around you and not disappoint them, even to the detriment of your own.” your own interests, so that they always feel good next to you.” However, according to the laws of physics, only “excess” heat can be given off: when an object is heated above the ambient temperature. That is, it turns out that in order to “give off spiritual warmth” a person must first warm himself with this warmth, so that he is completely comfortable; and only then, and only then, will he be able to warm others and somehow support them. You cannot, excuse the harsh expression, kick a person and at the same time demand: “Be emotionally warm.” Therefore, according to the theory of reasonable egoism, you first need to take care of yourself, and then get the opportunity to do good to others (although I note that here it is important not to confuse reasonable egoism with unreasonable egocentrism).
If we talk about professions, then precisely in those areas where “warmth of spirit” is expected from a specialist, it is important for the specialist himself, for the purposes of professional hygiene, to actively take care of his own psychological comfort. Why do personal supervision and, in principle, the prevention of emotional burnout become mandatory for the same psychologists and psychotherapists; Much the same thing exists or should exist in other so-called helping professions.
But here I will once again remind you that it is difficult to talk about the concept of “emotional warmth” until this is given a clear definition, the same for both discussing parties.
— Why, if emotional warmth is in demand by people, is there so little material about it in theoretical sources on psychology, and even on popular science resources?
N.N.:
— Again: most likely because it is not a scientific, but an everyday term. And each speaker means something different by this term. This concept can have quite a large number of semantic nuances and meanings. Therefore, I repeat: when someone tells you something about “emotional warmth”, take the time to clarify what exactly he means by this. And in some cases, be prepared for quite pronounced retaliatory aggression: because those who use slogans and templates in their speech (especially when they need to demand something from another, in particular from you), get very tense when they are offered explore familiar cliches from a logical point of view. I’ll tell you a secret: for many it’s simply scary. Because you never know what might come out of there, and then what to do with it? So people use established structures, without even thinking (or even being afraid to think) what exactly they mean. Roughly the same thing happens with concepts like “love”, “duty”, etc. These concepts have a binding and manipulative connotation, but if they are analyzed logically, it may turn out that the “victim” can easily escape these manipulations. And this also frightens those who speak with such slogans.
— It also seems to me that for some groups of society social censorship encourages emotional warmth, while for others, on the contrary, it prohibits its manifestation. Could this predetermine such, perhaps, a macro-imbalance in society, when sensory deprivation (or in simple terms, a lack of positive strokes) is a regular occurrence in the lives of some groups of people - is it structural, perhaps, for a given society?
N.N.:
— To be precise in the definitions, sensory deprivation is not exactly a “lack of positive strokes.” In general, in psychology, deprivation (Latin deprivatio - deprivation) is a mental state, the occurrence of which is caused by the life activity of an individual in conditions of a significant limitation in the ability to satisfy his vital needs. Using various sensory deprivation devices, you can temporarily “turn off” vision and hearing, smell, touch, taste, temperature receptors, and the vestibular system. Sensory deprivation also includes restrictions on mobility, communication, and emotional experiences. And not necessarily generally positive ones! For example, if a person actively gets involved in fights, makes scandals, is rude, etc. – this may also well be a manifestation of sensory deprivation, as one of the options.
As for the encouragement and prohibition of “emotional warmth” - here again we run into the lack of definition of what exactly it is. We can say, for example, that in some societies censorship limits the expression of emotions in men and encourages them in women; but any emotions, not only positive ones! Yes, women are sometimes instructed to be more tolerant, compassionate and understanding, they are often expected to have more “emotional warmth” - if by these concepts we mean hushing up their own needs for the benefit of others and the desire to “not disappoint others with their behavior.” But often the call to “be emotionally warm, understanding and compassionate” applies to all people, regardless of gender.
Also, speaking about encouragement and prohibition, I can give the following example. I came across a so-called demotivator online with the following text: “Take care of the warmth of your soul, do not waste it on sadness, anger, hatred and jealousy.” That is, it turns out that the requirement to “be mentally warm” actually prohibits the person himself from feeling sadness, anger, hatred and other emotions that he naturally experiences from time to time: in the same way, forgive the comparison, as going to the toilet. And just as it is difficult to forbid a living being from going to the toilet, you cannot forbid anyone to be sad, angry, etc. No, formally it is possible to ban, but there is no guarantee that these bans will be implemented. Another thing is that, within the framework of general culture, it is important to teach from childhood to adequately express these emotions (psychotherapy also deals with this): but in principle, the ban on feeling (and not just expressing) any emotions, including any negativity, is a direct let to neuroses, psychosomatics and complete lack of psychological comfort. Which once again confirms the censorship, parental nature of the concept of “emotional warmth”: they say, a person should be, as they now say online, “always positive.” But, sorry, this is impossible.
— How can you differentiate between emotional warmth, tenderness, sense of humor, empathy? There is probably a connection between these manifestations
.
N.N.:
— Here everything is somewhat simpler: most of the concepts you listed have clearly formulated definitions. For example, empathy is a completely scientific term from the field of psychology. This is conscious empathy for the current emotional state of another person, without losing the sense of the external origin of this experience. I especially emphasize the last part of the definition, it is extremely important.
A sense of humor, according to the Dictionary of a Practical Psychologist, is defined as the ability to notice the comic aspects of phenomena, responding emotionally to them. This feeling is inextricably linked with the ability to detect contradictions in the environment - for example, to notice and sometimes exaggerate the opposition of positive and negative traits in a person, someone’s apparent significance and behavior inappropriate to it, etc. The absence or insufficient expression of a sense of humor indicates how about a reduced emotional level and about insufficient intellectual development.
Tenderness, as stated by the Dictionary-Reference Book of Psychoanalysis, is the attitude of one person towards another, based not on the sensual, sexual manifestation of inclinations and desires, but on a non-sexually tinged disposition towards him. The problem of tenderness was discussed by S. Freud in connection with consideration of the nature of normal and neurotic love life, as well as the specifics of different people’s choice of the object of their love.
But with the concept of “emotional warmth”, this approach again does not work, due to the ambiguity of its interpretation and the everyday nature of its use. Therefore, I can repeat once again: if someone appeals to this concept in communication with you, always try to clarify what exactly is meant. And after such clarification, in each specific case it will be possible to investigate the presence or absence of connections that interest you with other named concepts.
What we have, we share
It is impossible to give to others what you do not have. This applies not only to the physical sphere. How can you inspire someone to believe in yourself when you don’t believe in yourself? How can you reassure someone that everything will be fine when you yourself are negative and see only the bad in life? The same applies to inner peace and tranquility, tranquility and understanding - who you are, regardless of external circumstances. Only your warmth can become a source for other people. Warm them in times of difficulty and worry.
It is impossible to elevate oneself to the rank of healer of human souls. In some miraculous way, people themselves choose those to whom they trust part of their soul and bask near this fire, warm, pleasant, warming in cold weather.
How to become “warm”?
Sometimes you hear: “Become simpler, and people will be drawn to you.” When are these words spoken? When someone has done something unpleasant to you, and this happens repeatedly and not only to you. But the person to whom these words refer does not even want to hear these wishes; she is already comfortable. This means that not everyone has the desire to be a sincere person, does not want others to take advantage of his kindness. Does not want to devote time to others to the detriment of himself. In this case, it is difficult to say whether this person is right. After all, by and large in this life we do not owe anything to anyone and do not owe anything, we live once, and, of course, we have the right to live our lives as we want.
So, a person must decide for himself what his priorities are, whether he is ready to waste his warmth on someone other than those closest to him. Does he need it? Is he ready for this, does he feel the need for this?
Like attracts like
It is worth saying that people who are cold and indifferent to many things also do not feel lonely. They find people like them and feel comfortable in such a society. In the material world, they often succeed because they avoid other people's problems and do not waste their time on it.
So what is the point of giving your warmth to others? Where a prudent person solves his problems, a sincere person worries about another. Instead of spending money on himself, he compassionately gives money to an unfamiliar child with cancer; his questions seem to him not so important compared to the problems of others. This is a constant worry about someone, compassion, a desire to help, support, the ability to forgive and the ability to look for an excuse for those who offended you.
What's the point of giving your warmth and not expecting a return? A sincere person is much more valuable than a calculating person. He is happy that he can do good. The joy of sincere gratitude cannot be compared with the joy of buying any thing. Mother Teresa's contribution cannot be compared with any purchases of the richest kings and rulers who were in the history of mankind. The material is perishable, the spiritual is eternal. And everyone decides for themselves what is closer to them.
Roses wither in the cold or how to keep your soul warm!
There are sobs in the cinema hall, the animated film “The Little Prince” is playing, stingy tears on the cheeks of the man sitting next to him, a spiritual moment... The little prince returned to his rose, remembered her, and by that time she had died, turned into decay and scattered to the wind .
Of course, this film is not about a rose, not about a flower left without care and attention. This film adaptation of the wonderful literary work of Antoine de Saint-Exupery hastens to remind us of the importance of feelings in our lives.
Feelings such as tenderness and kindness, love and friendship, crowded out of our world by the desire to receive the best, to be worthy of the best, to become better than others, suddenly awaken in the soul of a little girl who, from childhood, learns to live in a world where everyone is for himself.
Old and young, these are the main characters of this film . After all, who is closest to feelings? Who strives most for affection, tenderness, warmth? Well, yes, of course it is them.
Here, too, a lonely, slightly eccentric old man, who causes a lot of trouble for his “adult” neighbors, finds a friend in a little girl, awakening her interest in the world of feelings, fairy tales and sensations, he teaches her to dream, awakens her imagination with his incredible story. And the child’s soul opens up to another world, a world of incredible adventures into which she plunges with a feeling of love in her little heart.
After all, it is skills such as the ability to love, give, create, receive, enjoy and see the best and kindest in people that make our lives qualitatively better. Having the ability to be distracted from external worries and troubles by having a heart-to-heart conversation helps us, adults, to maintain that same warmth that old people and children value so much.
Yes, old people, children, roses - they are very whimsical, it’s true. But there is another truth that they become capricious and harmful under the influence of the “spiritual” cold of the people around them and the external environment.
After all, look at how the roses “warm up”, quickly brought from the cold into a warm house, and how fragrant they are in the rose garden, although it is bitterly cold outside. How a child cuddles up to his mother with radiant, kind, gentle eyes. How grandmothers fuss with pies at the stove, trying to warm us with the warmth of their care and love.
What kind of adult did you want to become when you were little? Happened? If yes, then great! And if not, that’s also fixable, it’s just important to remember your childhood dreams and the feelings they evoked in you...
