Many people experience excessive disappointment in life from the actions of others. People tend to hope that strangers, colleagues and acquaintances will definitely come to the rescue in difficult times, justify their hopes, keep their words and fulfill their promises, but in the end this does not happen and the person begins to understand that he was cruelly mistaken in his expectations. How not to take such mistakes to heart, and stop being disappointed in people?
Disappointment is a characteristic of the weak. Don't trust the disillusioned - they are almost always the powerless. Gustave Flaubert
Don't demand much from people
From disappointment in people, it becomes difficult for a person to live and breathe, it begins to seem to him that he is surrounded on all sides by traitors and liars, however, one should not aggravate everything too much.
The most correct solution to this problem will be only one - stop demanding too much from people , rethink some things and look at the world with a sober and sensible look.
Let's start with the fact that no one on earth owes you anything . You don’t owe anything to anyone either. We are all individual individuals, each with different character, temperament and priorities.
Smart people rely on no one but themselves. You are the main and only friend you can always rely on.
To avoid being disappointed, don't be enchanted.
In the morning Maxim Andreevich Menshikov came to pick me up.
Today there is a presentation in the metro. And then it turned out that there were no disks - they didn’t have time to print them for us. What should I do?
We decided to take the “MultiSOLO” game. There is a program in Russian, English and Italian. True, when it was made, no one knew about Vista, and therefore this disc will not work under Vista. Therefore, at the presentation we asked everyone what operating system they had. (“Vista”, however, was only available to four people.)
Either I was upset by all this, or the weather affected people, but the presentation went very badly. Almost no one approached us.
Fatigue and irritation accumulated, and we finished the presentation three hours earlier than planned. We returned to the office.
I wanted to flare up and attack Menshikov, Pomerantsev, and other employees. But I restrained myself.
We are developing poorly, poorly. Lack of corporate soloists. The search for new employees is going badly. We pull and pull, but we can’t pull it out, fixing bugs. Nobody knows the exact release date of the disc with the ninth version. The sites are updated regularly, but the materials are weak and we can’t find interesting authors. Do you really have to do all this yourself? You'll probably have to...
In the evening I received a letter from Leonid Nikolaevich (I changed my first and patronymic names). A week ago he came up to me at a presentation, shook my hand for a long time, and was profuse in gratitude. And here is his message.
He read and grinned. Especially when I got acquainted with the first part. She's too complimentary. After all, in reality I am an ordinary person. It’s just that many people, seeing me on TV, listening to me on the radio, seeing billboards on the streets about ErgoSOLO, reading certain materials on the Internet, in magazines and newspapers, have a wrong idea about me. But at the same time, I won’t hide: as they say, a kind word is pleasant to a cat.
Three o'clock in the morning. I'm in a terrible mood. And I read Leonid Nikolaevich’s letter, and I feel a little better.
This is what he wrote to me:
Hello, dear Vladimir Vladimirovich!
How often have you heard the epithets “brilliant”, “humane”, “sympathetic”, “understanding”, “sensitive”, “stunning”, “wise”, “amazing” addressed to you? I'm sure very often! But all this is true, Vladimir Vladimirovich. I read a lot about you in articles and interviews, and now I had the opportunity to meet in person at your presentation and was finally convinced that you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. And your no less amazing life is worth writing a book about. Yes, Vladimir Vladimirovich, exactly the book! Facts from your biography are in the program and in the website materials, given in interviews, in books, but I would like a consistent presentation. You are a Person who should be held up as an example. And a book about you will serve as a logical complement to everything written.
Now about the program.
The story behind the disc is remarkable. First, I downloaded the program from the website and, with some difficulty, completed several tasks with the thought that later I would find a pirated version. But your charisma turned out to be stronger, and, ashamed of my own, if not greed, then certainly laziness, I went to Prospekt Mira yesterday and bought the program from the author himself, for which I am incredibly happy. This served as a good incentive; The time it took to complete the first twenty-five lessons was about an hour. A quarter of the program was completed with excellent marks.
In my conversation with you, I was lying a little. And the situation was not right to explain anything specifically. I am not a journalist, although I write a lot often. I write books, stories, critical articles, do experimental music, look for new forms, but not to get paid for it. More on the reasons below. I earn money as a system administrator in a small company. Work provides a lot of free time, which I spend on reading and creativity, and completely provides for everyday life. Moreover, there are so many things in the world that you can live without, as Socrates said (but today it is difficult to live without the ten-finger blind method. This is not flattery, but a fact).
I don’t strive to publish or popularize my works. I even send my articles for publication under different names. The reason for this refusal is the excessive destructiveness of my creativity, dedicated to the eternal search for answers to the questions “Who are we, where do we come from and where are we going?” There is no need to impose this on people who have enough problems even without my “research”. I’m telling you all this because I’m unlikely to be of any use to you as the author of the site.
Nevertheless, the desire to help is great, and I will do everything possible to bring you at least some benefit.
Thanks again. Good health to you.
Best regards, Leonid.
PS All letters of the text were typed according to the scheme from the program. It was long and tedious, but I tried. I didn’t want to frustrate my fingers, but the desire to write to you was too great. The only serious problem is the “е” and “ъ” keys. Training, training again.
Here's a letter. I plan to write a book about myself. If I have enough strength, I will publish my memories...
What I liked most about Leonid Nikolaevich’s message was his desire to help our company. I immediately sent him a response and invited him to meet in person. Who knows: what if he becomes our employee? I really want to find passionate people - passionate about SOLO, our common cause.
I wrote this and immediately remembered Ivan Valeryevich Solntsev. Well, he worked with us for a month and left. And it worked great.
In order not to be disappointed in people, you don’t need to be fascinated by them. Nice phrase. But I am an incorrigible optimist.
Thanks to Leonid Nikolaevich! He lifted my spirits.
Yours, Vladimir Vladimirovich Shakhidzhanyan
PS I wonder how many millions of characters I typed on my keyboard? The keys are tired of my fingers. And now it takes a little more force to press them. I decided to change the keyboard and installed a new one today: separate, black, beautiful, elegant. New girl... A light touch - and the keys feel you. This keyboard allows you to work silently. Nice…
“When there is no joy, then hope For future joy is also joy.”
William Shakespeare
Why is this happening?
Before you judge others, remember yourself. You've probably promised more than once to do something or help someone, and then backed down. Surely, more than once they made all sorts of meetings and dates, and then could not attend them. Surely they have been deceived more than once, confidently believing that this is a lie for the greater good. Do you recognize yourself? Other people behave in exactly the same way.
You may be surprised, but even the closest people (parents, children, husband, wife, best friends) sometimes betray and disappoint each other. Remember one truth - all people are selfish and everyone is prone to making mistakes.
Some time ago, a young woman came up to me in church and said: “Natasha, you are so correct and righteous! Every time I look at you and admire you!” To be honest, I was taken aback, because no one had ever told me that I was righteous. I then muttered something incomprehensible in response, like, I’m not that righteous after all, and tried to change the topic of the conversation. But not even a month had passed when this same woman, with tears in her eyes, threw at me: “I’m disappointed in you.” Here it is necessary to clarify that she was disappointed in me not because I sinned. I didn’t cheat or steal, I didn’t call her names or even think badly, I just didn’t do what this woman wanted. That is, at that moment, I did not satisfy her desire and she really did not like it. And when she said that she was disappointed in me, I couldn’t stand it and laughed: “My dear girl! If you knew what I really was like, you wouldn’t be fascinated by me!”
How often does it happen that we become enchanted. We are fascinated by the kindness of a person or his pleasant manners, we are fascinated by the way a person preaches or how honestly and sincerely he stands for the truth. We are fascinated by spiritual simplicity and the ability to take care of our appearance, yes, you never know what we are fascinated by? You never know what we like in people! But it's not so bad, right? Agree, we all enjoy being around decent and positive neighbors, relatives, church members, and just passers-by on the street.
But the danger is not that we like some people, the danger is that we expect too much from them. The danger for us does not lie in someone else, the danger lies in ourselves. We put a person on a certain pedestal and hope that he will always be there. We gave the person the highest rating and want him to constantly prove to us that he is worthy of this rating. Unwittingly, without realizing it, we silently insist and even demand that a person constantly meet our expectations, so that he always replenishes our admiration for them.
We admire and admire and enjoy the object of our adoration, but a certain moment comes and our expectation is not justified. The person we admired made a mistake, said something rude, offended someone else, disagreed with our opinion, and naturally, reverent admiration gave way to the horror of reality. And this is where our admiration for a person bursts like a soap bubble! Our charm with the words or behavior of a certain woman or man deflates and sags like a shriveled balloon!
This is why the Bible never tells us to look at other people. First, even if a person truly loves the Lord and lives by His Word, our eyes and attention may focus on the person at the most inopportune moment; when he is sick, upset or angry. Secondly, the object of our adoration may behave righteously and not speak, but actually sing, interspersing his speech with passages from the Bible, but in fact, have no idea what he is talking about, because he has no personal relationship with By God. And finally, due to human limitations and sinfulness, we may like something that we shouldn’t like.
And no matter why we were disappointed, the problem is that we should not have been enchanted to such an extent in the first place that we then become upset and worry about unfulfilled expectations. In these cases, when we experience a breakdown or a nervous breakdown, we should not and cannot blame anyone but ourselves.
We must remember that a person remains a person under any conditions and in any position. This means that man is a weak, sinful creature who fails the holy life by leaps and bounds. “If you always remember that you live among imperfect people, then you will not worry too much when noticing the shortcomings of your friends... Happy is the one who does not expect anything from a person, for he will never be disappointed. The best people are, at best, only people...” wrote Charles Spurgeon.
Don't be charmed by people, they will disappoint you. Disappointment with others will definitely hit you, it's just a matter of time and at that moment you will undoubtedly feel resentment, emptiness and doubt...
If you are fascinated by people, you will definitely come to the point when you say: “But I thought...” This is what the disciples of Jesus said after His death: “But we thought that He was the one who...” For three years The disciples were with Jesus and witnessed many miracles and admired their Teacher, but at a certain moment He did not live up to their expectations, did not fulfill what they hoped for, and then disappointment came: “But we thought...” (Luke 24:21 ) But Christ did not come to fulfill human desires and satisfy our passions and desires; He came to fulfill the will of the Father, and the will of the Father did not in any way include the liberation of Israel by Jesus from the Roman occupiers; He was faced with another task - the liberation of human souls from the occupation of sin...
Jesus did what he had to do, people do not cope with their tasks, accordingly, we should not be fascinated by each other, so as not to fall into the position of a frustrated and desperate fool.
Do you want to never be disappointed? Do you want to have hope that will never leave you? Do you want to have a calm and peaceful mood even in unfavorable and difficult moments in life? Be enchanted by the One who will never betray you and will fulfill everything he promised. He will fulfill not your demands, ideas and desires, but His will for the salvation and preservation of your soul.
No matter how many promises God makes to man, all promises will be fulfilled in Jesus Christ! If He is our life, if we are united with Him, then with Him we will receive “Yes” to everything promised by God! (2 Cor.1:20) Therefore...
What to do?
Are you haunted by the attitude of others towards your personality? Do you confidently believe that you treat other people much better than they treat you? Do you constantly feel resentment, pain, annoyance and disappointment because others do not live up to your expectations?
What can you advise in this case:
- To begin with, stop reassuring yourself in vain.
- Does a man say words of love to you? Don’t believe it, or only half believe it. Men tend to talk about love all the time, because they know that girls are greedy for romance. Don’t be surprised if it turns out that he recently told such confessions to another girl, and perhaps more than one. Do you drink coffee until the last minute in the morning and preen yourself in the mirror before going to work, thinking that the transport you need will definitely wait for you? What makes you think that you can rely on the driver? To avoid being late, it is better to leave home early, thereby avoiding worries and arriving at work on time. Have you decided to become an entrepreneur and open a trade tent with interesting (in your opinion) goods? On the day of its opening, do you expect people to rush to you headlong and buy everything? No matter how it is. You are again in vain deciding everything for people.
Even if you assume that your product is unique and interesting, they are not obligated to buy it, and people may simply not have the mood or money to buy your product.As a rule, in such situations you need to carefully and clearly consider and estimate everything, and even if it seems to you that everything is perfect, you don’t really hope for a big profit. If it happens, wonderful; if it doesn’t, you won’t be too upset and will save your own nerves.
The rule for writing a verb with the particle “not”
Sometimes confusion arises when writing from “not” different parts of speech, when a noun or adjective is written together, but verbs and participles are written separately:
- Ignorance of the law is not an excuse. Dunno on the Moon. BUT : I don’t know what to say. Not knowing where to look.
- A minor offense can ruin your reputation. BUT : Doesn't mean anything.
- The unforgotten feat of our grandfathers remains in our memory. BUT : Don't forget the old days. Without forgetting the past.
Therefore, first of all, let's determine the part of speech . In our case, it is a verb (means an action and answers the questions: “what to do?”, “What to do?”). Now let’s turn to the rules governing the writing of verbs with the particle “not”:
- The particle “not” with verbs and verb forms is written separately : do not read, do not know, do not understand, do not see.
- Verbs are not used without “not” : to hate, to be indignant, to dislike, to be unwell, to be unwell, not to see (light), not to drive (from the word seine, but not to drive in the meaning of leading), to be mute, to be constrained, to be sick, to be undead, numb and their word forms. In these words, the verb without “not” loses its meaning.
- Verbs with the prefix “under” are written together in the meaning of partial, incomplete action: underfinish, underweight, underestimate. Be careful with verbs starting with “do”; in such cases, both combined and separate spellings with “not” are possible. For example: Why not drink the cup to the bottom? “They didn’t eat enough, didn’t drink enough, and gave everything to the children.”
Thus, “ not to disappoint ” is the only correct option in Russian; other ways of writing this phrase are incorrect.
No one owes or owes you anything
Some people tend to overestimate their self-esteem and thus expect strangers to treat them differently. They say, I’m so wonderful, beautiful, you must love me. However, in this case, there is only one piece of advice - get down to earth as soon as possible and don’t have your head in the clouds
. There are plenty of people as beautiful and smart as you, so evaluate yourself soberly.
Low self-esteem has never benefited anyone, just as much as overly high self-esteem.
Thus, if you analyze your own actions and expectations, you will understand that you yourself are to blame for personal grievances and disappointments.
Usage examples and quotes for "don't disappoint"
And why didn’t you sew the loops on it with silk?” And Malanya, turning around, answered me with a laugh: “Well, what if it’s not silk? I hemmed it in front of you!” And then she went to the kitchen. I'm going there after her. I see my daughter cooking...
“Disappointment” - Kozma Prutkov
...he followed, took aim and was not at all upset or disappointed
when
he found nothing. ... He did not spend a single minute in sterile calm.
"Theatrical essays. Letters about the theater" - Andreev...
and trays, Not in the affairs of despicable vanity - So that she plunges thoughts and dreams into great questions... And, it seemed, I found one. She was still young and her nature...
“My disappointment” - Nikolay Nekrasov
Enchanted and bewitched... And then - severely disappointed
Last time we talked about the good girl complex. And I promised that I would tell you about the so-called “bonuses” of this complex.
Today it's time to discuss one amazing mechanism: charm-disappointment. By the way, my favorite. I generally lived my whole life in the mode of fascination and disappointment.
It happens that you start dating a man. And at the beginning of the relationship he is such a bunny, such a sweetheart, such a god and a king. And then how he turns out to be the last goat! And you are surprised. How so! After all, he was so beautiful! And then it suddenly deteriorated, or something. And you ask yourself: “Why didn’t I see what an asshole he is before?”
Another way this mechanism manifests itself is when you become interested in people. Now you have a new man or girlfriend - and everyone else fades into the background. You constantly want to spend time with this person. He is incredibly interesting to you. You listen to him. All your thoughts are about this person. All your attention is only on this person. And your loved ones and friends may be offended, because you openly ignore them. Or you constantly tell them what a wonderful new man you have or an amazing girlfriend.
You are like a blind fan who follows his star. She (the star) delights you! Everything about this person seems perfect to you! Even the way this man farts, sorry, is the pinnacle of ideality! A strong and insane deification of man occurs.
Particularly severe cases of manifestation of the charm-disappointment mechanism. You become interested in the same things as the person you are fascinated with. You are carried away by his hobbies, you are captivated by his interests. And what’s important here is that your interests (which existed before this person) mostly go sideways. You kind of forget about them. You can copy this person’s style, manner of behavior and conversation, accept his values as your own, start buying similar or similar (like his) clothes - this is in the case of friendship. If we are talking about a relationship with a man, you begin to look up to the ideal of this man. Some women undergo plastic surgery (breasts, lips). Someone starts wearing clothes that their partner likes. To go to gym. In a word, do everything that a man likes. And it seems that this is not bad. But! Motivation and message are important here. You are not doing this for yourself. But for the sake of being liked. So that he accepts you, appreciates you, gives you an A.
And when you see approval in the eyes, you are like a little puppy - happy and glad that the owner noticed and stroked it behind the ear.
You have a lot of expectations (and unrealistic ones), a lot of admiration, a lot of crazy delight.
This period lasts different times for different people. Some are fascinated for a month, others for two. And for some - a week.
I remember at one time I was enchanted for a month. And it was so magical! Amazing! Inspirational!
After about a month, the next stage began for me - disappointment.
Over time, the period of enchantment was reduced to a couple of weeks. But the cases were different. I could be charmed by someone for a couple of days, and by someone for six months. Some people keep themselves enchanted for years and decades. And below I will tell you why.
But the result is the same.
After a period of charm comes severe disappointment.
And the longer and more strongly you were fascinated, the more severely you will be disappointed.
And this is where the rose-colored glasses fall off and an unpleasant reality begins to emerge.
It turns out that your god has a crooked nose or a big pimple on his forehead. And he doesn’t look/dress that perfect. And he stares at other women. And in general, damn it, it turns out that he is a gigolo/womanizer/miser and so on. And you begin to notice various interesting nuances. For example, it turns out that he does not call himself. And only you call him. And if during the period of enchantment this seemed like a nice feature, now you are starting to really stress about it.
Sometimes nuances are like huge logs that a person had and still has. But for some reason you didn’t notice all this before.
It's as if this never happened at all.
And it begins to seem to you that you have been cruelly and dramatically deceived.
This is the effect of shit in a wrapper. The wrapper seems to be beautiful, but inside is turd.
“Oh, God, how could I be carried away by such a person??? What did I find in him? I really don’t understand how this happened!” - standard thoughts of a woman in a period of disappointment.
The peculiarity of this period is that you do not just begin to see all the shortcomings that you did not notice before. You begin to meticulously look for cons, flaws and shortcomings, write them down for yourself and store them. You need as much evidence as possible that this is the same shit in a wrapper.
You tell your friends and are sincerely surprised at how unlucky you are once again! “Oh, where were my eyes? Where was I looking?
Delight and admiration are replaced by disappointment and resentment that you were deceived.
And this is a reason to break off the relationship.
And find another person who will charm you once and for all. Poor man! If only he knew what responsibility he has!
By the way, about once and for all. Many women, having married under charm, do their best to maintain their charm with a man. Even when they are cheated on. Even when their man acts and behaves like a pig. And when they are presented with clear evidence of a man’s imperfection, his ugly actions, women cling to their charm with all their might and come up with tons of excuses. People who provide evidence become enemies and are excluded from the social circle.
Even if a woman is shown photos that show a man cheating on her, she will think that this is photoshop, the tricks of envious people, well, in extreme cases, the evil seductress is to blame. And her man is good. They simply set him up, took advantage of his naivety and innocence.
The point is that if a woman chooses to hold onto the charm, she will do it very seriously and efficiently.
For what?
It's simple.
So as not to be disappointed. After all, this means that you will have to look for a new man.
But there is also a deeper meaning.
Charm is the only mechanism that allows a woman to be in a relationship. She doesn't know any other way. And there cannot be real intimacy and love. Because she doesn’t know how, and because she has many injuries that do not allow her to do this.
After all, if a woman chooses to be disappointed, then this is a sure path to loneliness.
Many women who choose to be disappointed believe that all men are assholes, traitors and bastards. And so they choose to be alone. So as not to be disappointed anymore.
Others maintain the charm of a man in all possible and impossible ways. And they live like this for years and decades.
And even if there is a period of disappointment, the woman will find a way to return to a state of charm again. Because otherwise you will have to deal with yourself. And the worst thing is to break up with this man. You can, of course, take out a mortgage for 20 years - that’s also a way to save the relationship. But that’s not about that now.
Disappointment is often a very difficult state to bear. It knocks the ground out from under your feet and deprives you of self-confidence. It devalues everything that happened in the relationship, everything the woman did. And that's why many try to avoid it. So as not to get into a dead end.
Disappointment shows that you are going somewhere in the wrong direction. And you're doing something wrong. It seems to expose the inconsistency and immaturity of the individual.
Few people enjoy feeling like a stupid child who once again stepped in the same turd.
And disappointment also has such a harsh side effect - a wild feeling of disgust.
It happens that you overeat too much of one food, and after that you develop a disgust for it. And this is a normal mechanism of the body.
But disgust is a forbidden feeling with a good girl complex. And in the next article we will talk about disgust. About how it is connected with charm-disappointment, and why good girls should not feel it.
