There are few people in the world who interpret the word “love” correctly. But even those who confuse tender feelings with fleeting infatuation often speak words of love to their chosen ones. What does it mean to love your neighbor? First of all, this is the ability to accept it with all its advantages and disadvantages. This also includes the ability to be faithful and devoted. You can learn about all this from the most touching statements that are available in the treasury of world wisdom. They allow you to understand what the essence of the most tender feelings is.
The ability to give
The following touching quote by Swami Vivekananda reminds us of what the true feeling of love is:
Love never asks, it always gives.
The presence of reverent feelings allows an individual to help his partner grow both spiritually and in terms of health. A loving person will never demand that his partner live by his rules. On the contrary, such a person will help his loved one in all his endeavors. Even if we are talking, for example, about a situation when he decided to quit drinking alcohol or quit smoking. Also, if his chosen one decides to go on a diet or switch to proper split meals, then a loving person will never offer her to go to a cafe, dine on a cake or order pizza.
Devotion
Loyalty is in most cases a trick of self-love, the purpose of which is to gain confidence; it is a way to rise above other people and penetrate the most important secrets.
Francois VI de La Rochefoucauld
To whom or what are people loyal and why?
Typically, someone or something that is of great value to them, from which they benefit and therefore value it and want to keep it. After all, the meaning of devotion is to emphasize your value as a reliable, responsible, even exceptional person, whom you can rely on and trust. And for this, a person also wants to receive in return, either the same devotion to himself, or something else. But it’s one thing when a person is betrayed for such reasonable reasons, when it is beneficial for him to be betrayed, when he understands why he needs it, and quite another when devotion is predominantly or exclusively fanatical in nature, in which people do not receive anything from such behavior , but, on the contrary, suffer damage because of it. Here we will discuss when loyal behavior is useful and when it is meaningless and should be abandoned, and how to encourage other people to be loyal to you. The first thing you need to understand is that loyalty is not something that should be demanded from people. This is something that is done voluntarily. Otherwise, we are talking about forced service to someone or something, when a person is forced to perform some duties, against his will. Loyalty is based on conviction, or on personal gain, but not on fear of someone. Just as you cannot force a person to love you, you cannot force him to be sincerely devoted to you. Because of fear of punishment, he may show loyalty but not experience it. This means that at the first opportunity he will betray the one who forced him to serve himself. To understand this better, let's look at what it means to be devoted.
What does it mean to be devoted
To be devoted means to be willing to fulfill certain obligations to the one to whom you are devoted. The person himself can determine them, or they, these obligations, can be generally accepted norms with which the person agrees, and therefore is ready to fulfill them. Or he can negotiate these obligations with someone to whom he agrees to be loyal. That is, in any case, a person voluntarily assumes the necessary obligations to someone and fulfills them conscientiously, in the world of his own strength.
Loyalty is always the desire and readiness to be faithful to someone or something. And this loyalty is always expressed in appropriate actions. It also means meeting the expectations of the person to whom you are committed by following your agreement with him regarding your obligations to him. That is, the people to whom we are devoted can be completely confident in us that we will not let them down, set them up, deceive them, or abandon them. We will be with them and for them as long as our capabilities allow us to do so. And the most important thing, on which I once again want to focus the reader’s attention, is that no one demands this from us, no one forces us to do this, this is not our responsibility, this is our desire. We are ready to do this, I repeat, either out of conviction or for our own benefit. Well, often both of these motives complement each other. I’m not talking about love separately; let’s attribute it to beliefs.
The same can be said about these two motives. Well, with benefit it is clear that the one who knows how to pursue it, who is trained in this, can be quite loyal up to a certain point, knowing full well what is required of him in order to correspond to such a status. But he can also become a traitor when it is again beneficial to him. Here, whatever one may say, calculation is calculation; you should not expect behavior from a calculating person that will not bring him benefit. Devotion is a commodity that is sold by some and bought by others, not so much for money or not only for it, but for a generally good attitude towards oneself. Who bribes people with what in this life, including devoted behavior can be a good dignity of a person, which he offers to others in exchange for some other values, including in exchange for their devotion to him.
But beliefs are a more reliable thing, since they are not always well understood by the person who holds them. When a person is betrayed by conviction, he can be betrayed even to the detriment of his own interests. And he can even risk his life and, if necessary, sacrifice for the sake of the one to whom he is devoted. Of course, any beliefs can be shaken, but the more difficult it is to do this, the more persistent they are. And persistence is a consequence of the depth of a particular belief. And by depth we need to understand those beliefs that sit in the depths of a person’s subconscious. Let's now see how they get there.
Upbringing
If you were raised in a way that instilled in you the need to be loyal to someone or something, without any explanation as to why you need it, then you may believe in the correctness of such a belief simply because you have lived with it all your life. Essentially, you agree to bear responsibilities to someone, say, to your parents, to your Motherland, and therefore to the state, to religion and other people, groups of people, ideologies, believing that this is how it should be that this is correct.
You can also learn this yourself by following the example of other people who are committed to something or someone, and you find it reasonable, interesting for yourself. Or you can become infected with some idea, both in a bad and a good sense, and you can even come up with some idea for yourself that will tell you to whom and why or why you should be loyal. Well, for example, do you think it is right for yourself to be devoted to your children and fulfill the obligations to them that you consider necessary, because you want it so much, you see the meaning in this. So that's how it will be. This is the idea, this concept that you can follow while maintaining your devotion to those people who are important to you. In this case, children. We are not talking about calculation here, but about the desire to live like this. Let's look at other options when we are called to be loyal to someone.
Devotion to parents
Loyalty to parents is quite often associated with devotion to family, although these can be completely different things. Until a certain time, a person considers as his family those people who gave him life, as well as those with whom he grew up under the same roof. That is, these are parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, in a word, all relatives. But when he grows up, he can already create his own family, have his own children, so relationships with relatives may undergo changes. It would be unreasonable to be indebted only to your parents all your life, to the detriment of your children. This is unreasonable. You can take care of your parents to the extent necessary and to the best of your ability, and not so much, you are their servant.
However, there are such parents who ruin the lives of their children, forcing them to serve themselves throughout their lives. They tie their children to themselves, not allowing them to start their own family, have children, build a career, and so on. We serve them - our parents, they gave birth to you, raised you, educated you, which means you owe them. You must be loyal to them - this is your duty to them. These are the kinds of thoughts that can be instilled in people from childhood by their selfish parents. And in the end, it turns out that a mother can keep her son or daughter close to her, for whom it is high time to get married, and they all hang around their mother and do everything she says. Is it normal? After all, what is the point of having children, so that in old age they give their parents a glass of water? Of course not. The point is for them to have their own children and help them do the same, and so on from generation to generation. Why is this necessary? Complex issue. It is unlikely that a person can answer it. But nature shows that this is exactly what we should do in order to continue our race.
Therefore, devotion to parents should not contradict the very design of human life, according to which one must always look to the future, investing in the youth, and not in the past, serving the old. To the extent possible, you can and should help your parents, and any sane person does this as a token of gratitude to them for giving life, raising them, raising them. But you shouldn’t do this to the detriment of your children, who still need to be had if a person thinks that he needs them. Maybe they are not needed, maybe he wants to live for himself all his life, that’s his right.
In any case, when parents tie their children to themselves, preventing them from living their lives, this is bad. Plus, not all parents deserve their children to be devoted to them even within reasonable limits. Because some of them are simply terrible at their parenting duties. And then they expect respect, recognition, and, well, devotion from their children in certain moments or in everything. But this is unfair on their part.
Devotion to the Motherland
The Motherland, and therefore the state, because without the second, legally there will be no first, and then everyone will consider as their Motherland only the area in which they were born and where they live, but not the territory with certain borders, also requires us to be devoted to ourselves. But what is her-his demand based on, what arguments in support of such a demand can the Motherland and the state give for a person to be devoted to her-him? Besides, of course, the threat of violence for unwillingness to demonstrate such devotion? The most reasonable argument is caring for its citizens, protecting their interests and defending them in relations with citizens of other states, as well as creating conditions for their people to live a normal life and unlock their potential. Well, protection from all kinds of threats is also, of course, important. When all this is observed, when people receive something valuable from their Motherland, their state, it makes sense for them to be devoted to it.
How is such devotion expressed? To be devoted to the Motherland means to be devoted to other people who live on this territory and who form this state. After all, in nature there are no such concepts as the Motherland, the state, there is simply a territory suitable for life, good or bad, which the people inhabiting this planet have divided among themselves. And everyone has their own homeland, which looks like a state, with its own flag, music called anthem, and other distinctive features. All this is a little reminiscent of a children's game, all these rituals, all this division into friends and foes. Well, okay, how we live is how we live. The main thing here is to understand that without people there will be no Motherland or state. These are artificial things that people came up with and live with them as they see fit, as is convenient for them, establishing certain rules on their territory so that there is no chaos and anarchy, because of which it is impossible to live normally, calmly. These people decide for themselves whether they will be loyal to each other or not.
Therefore, we must always remember that devotion to the Motherland-state is devotion to specific people who make the most important decisions in this state and devotion to each other, because in the state all people are one family. Therefore, relationships with such people, relationships with each other should be mutually beneficial for us. Only in this case will our devotion be reasonable, adequate and necessary. And even desirable. Why not want to fulfill any obligations to other people if they also do a lot for you. You can call such devotion a manifestation of patriotism.
Thus, the Motherland-state, represented by those people who form it and who make important decisions in it, should, in turn, also be loyal to you? If each of us must be devoted to the Motherland, and the Motherland is people who consider a certain territory to be their Motherland, then they too must be devoted to us. This is fair and reasonable. I do something for you, you do something for me. We have a reasonable basis for being loyal to each other. You are devoted to the Motherland, and the Motherland is devoted to you. Otherwise it can not be. If no one does anything for you, but only asks you, and even more so, if someone forces you to be devoted to him, but he himself does not demonstrate such devotion, then he is either deceiving you or enslaving you. In this case, you have the moral right to refuse your obligations to such people. You don't owe anything to those who don't want to do anything for you. But, usually, the Motherland and at the same time the state, represented by specific people, always do something for its citizens. For without them it cannot exist. But whether this is enough to demand their devotion to themselves is an individual question.
Devotion to religion
Religion is a useful thing, but not necessary for everyone. People who themselves can talk about good and evil do not need it as a source of rules important for life. When we talk about religion, we are talking about an ideology that helps people live in peace and harmony with each other as much as possible. It doesn’t matter what kind of religion we are talking about, they all curb the animal nature of man in order to make him more humane. Of course, a good education, good in terms of preparing a person for life in general, and not just for the market there, can solve this problem more effectively, but through a logical explanation of some things. And religion is faith, dogma, it conveys its principles to people not so much through logic as through feelings.
Considering the essence of religion, an individual person may disagree with certain points in the religion that he adheres to. He doesn’t want to just believe in something, he needs evidence of the correctness and truth of various points that religion talks about. Therefore, he is not obliged to be devoted to what he does not understand and what he simply does not want to believe. At the same time, we have adhered to some religion since childhood, because our parents and even the state decided for us what religion we will belong to. It’s like with a name, we don’t choose it for ourselves, others choose it for us. Whether we like it or not, they don’t ask us about it, because they can’t ask. But when a person grows up, he can change his name. But with religion it’s more complicated. It is somehow not customary to change one’s confession; in some societies such a person may be viewed as a traitor. Likewise, in some cases it can be difficult to refuse to profess any religion at all. Many religious people believe that a person should be devoted to the religion that is the main one in society.
The paradox with a religion that requires people to be devoted to themselves is that with this requirement it contradicts its own meaning. It's like calling for non-violence through violence. You can offer a person something good, but if they start forcing it on him, then it’s not that good. In order not to discredit the good intentions of any religion, its best representatives and all other representatives should not demand anything from anyone. Such things can only be beautifully presented to people as the highest value, as a useful ideology, but not in any way to impose your views on them and not to force people to be devoted to what they do not like, are not interested in, or what they do not understand.
Devotion to partner
The most common type of devotion, or lack thereof, that psychologists have to deal with is a person’s devotion to his partner. We are not always talking about the traditional form of relationships between people - in the form of a relationship between husband and wife. People can live with each other under different conditions, but the essence is always the same - they live with each other under certain conditions, having certain expectations from each other and from their relationships. These expectations are not always stated, much less documented, but they are always implied. That is, a person expects from his partner that he will do something for him under special conditions, or will not do something that he should not. And when a partner meets such expectations, when he strives to justify them, not allowing himself to do anything that he should not do while in a relationship, this can be called devotion. But it happens that these expectations are not met and people allow themselves to behave in ways that should not occur in normal relationships. Then they have problems.
Do you know why such problems arise, why people don’t behave as they should? No, not only because they don’t care, not because they are selfish, although this also has its place. The point is different. Most of these problems could be avoided if the terms under which people chose to live with each other were not just implied, but spelled out. Sometimes they are also documented, when, for example, we are talking about marriage contracts, which quite specifically stipulate what each party will receive in the event of the dissolution of their union. This is quite reasonable if you consider what goals are pursued by people who enter into a relationship with someone who, for example, has a lot of resources. Moreover, in official relations. But sometimes such contracts are criticized for their allegedly unethical nature. They say that you should not mix material calculations with high feelings, and also think in advance about a possible divorce. But this criticism is completely unfounded. Because here you can ask, is it even ethical to involve the state in your relationships by putting a stamp in your passport and registering a marriage? Why do this if you have great feelings for each other and you plan to live with each other your whole life, without leaving your partner in trouble if something happens to him, if you don’t claim anything from what belongs to the person you love? Live like this, without any registration of your union, and therefore, without any legal obligations to each other. Well, if you want to involve a third party - the state - in your relationship, with its laws, no matter for what reasons, because of children, because of something else, then no additional agreements that take into account all the important points for both parties are superfluous and will not be unethical.
But this concerns the legal side of the issue. We are now talking about mutual understanding between people, in which they will at least know what their partner expects from them if they discuss what they expect in a relationship. Of course, you can always deceive your partner by promising him a lot, but not fulfilling anything promised, or by fulfilling, but not everything. But that's another problem. This is the problem of assessing the person with whom you are entering into a relationship, the problem of choosing a partner who may not generally consider devotion to someone as a necessary quality for himself. I also write about such problems in other articles. And here, now, I will say again that you need to talk with the person with whom you are entering into some kind of relationship, not necessarily a close one, maybe it will be a friendly relationship, talk about what your relationship should be like, what you expect from them what do you expect from him? Such a conversation can avoid many disagreements in the future.
Betrayal
I will say a few words about betrayal. I won’t write a lot, because I have separate articles devoted to this topic; here I will only express the most important idea. And it sounds like this: we must remember that even the most devoted people can betray under certain circumstances. There is no need to idealize devotion, seeing in it something eternal and great that will never undergo change. There are fanatics in life who can be so devoted to something or someone that they are even ready to give up their lives, but they will not give up their beliefs and will not renounce the one to whom they are devoted. But this is rare. And such people have other shortcomings beyond the roof. In most cases, people are not so reliable as to count on their devotion to themselves or to some idea, completely not admitting that they can change under the influence of circumstances. Everyone is capable of what is called “changing shoes” on the go, when common sense requires it.
If you don’t understand this and look for perfection in terms of people’s reliability, as was the case with some of my clients who were so obsessed with this idea that they rejected everyone who seemed unstable and unreliable to them in any way, then you don’t have to enter into any in what relationship? This is hopeless perfectionism [belief in the ideal and the desire for it]. Relationships will quickly collapse if people demand fanatical devotion from each other. Because, from experience, I know that such demands will become absurd over time when people begin to demand explanations from their partner for every action, every word, in order to make sure that he is faithful to them. It's impossible to live like that. The world is not structured in such a way that such an attitude towards life would be normal.
To come to terms with the fact that even the most reliable people can betray at a certain moment, in a certain situation, is what a person needs to do in order to resolve this issue. And you yourself don’t need to go crazy, being devoted to something that no longer meets your interests. In this world, flexibility is much more valuable than resilience. Loyalty and betrayal are two sides of the same coin. And such a medal should spin under the influence of the wind of change, turning to life first on one side, then on the other.
How to motivate people to be loyal
And, probably, the main question for many of you on this topic, which in my work I have to answer quite often when discussing this topic. People want to know how to inspire devotion in others. Still, you want to see a person next to you, no matter who he is for you, in whom you can be sure that he will not betray, in whom you can rely and trust. And it is clear that on our part we also need to do something for this.
And there’s not much that needs to be done. Two points here must be taken into account, remember them and follow them, taking into account the two motives that encourage people to be devoted, which were mentioned above. The first point is interest. You need to maintain interest in yourself so that devotion to you gives the person or people some benefits. You should always think about what you give, what you can give to a person so that he retains the attitude towards you to which you are accustomed. Even people who are not calculating value those from whom they get a lot and with whom they feel good. What then can we say about those who seek benefit for themselves in everything and everyone? In this case, count on reasonable devotion, and not blind devotion based on unconscious beliefs. About her below.
The second point is these very beliefs, blindly following which a person can be, if not limitlessly, then quite strongly devoted to you, and at the same time will not even think much about why he behaves this way with you, why he keeps you loyalty, especially in cases where you don’t really deserve it. Suggestions will help you here. If you regularly repeat to a person what is good and what is bad in this life, what is good and what is evil, what should be in a normal relationship and what absolutely cannot be, then some of this will definitely be deposited in his subconscious and will then influence his behavior. Well, faith, of course, will also do its job. Constant repetition of the necessary thoughts, only in different words, so that it does not start to irritate, will lead to the fact that a person will definitely believe in some of this. And having believed, he will try to behave correctly, not only for the sake of someone, in particular you, but also in order to be like everyone else. Most people are very dependent on public opinion. It is important to them that other people think well of them. In a collectivist culture, public opinion is a particularly powerful factor that influences individual behavior.
This, in fact, is how people become devoted to someone or something. They either see the meaning in this for themselves [read benefit], or they simply believe that it is right to be such a person, even if it sometimes contradicts common sense, because such correctness was instilled in them, and they did not come to it themselves, through deep and long thoughts. And sometimes it is simply convenient for people to be devoted to something or someone, because they do not want to reconsider their attitude towards life, in this sense they adhere to a conservative position and they do not need changes, they are inconvenient for them. It’s like being loyal to, say, a brand of cigarettes that are no longer what they were before, but a person doesn’t want to change his habits. This devotion is a consequence of his unwillingness to expose himself to unnecessary stress due to a revision of his views on anything. A person cannot leave the same husband or wife, because he has already become accustomed to him or her, despite the fact that he or she has changed greatly for the worse. This is not so much devotion as laziness and sometimes cowardice, because of which a person holds on to the old, not believing in his ability to find something new and better. For devotion you don’t need much, just doing nothing is enough.
Words of the Prophet Muhammad
Surprisingly, the following life quote, so relevant today, is taken from the Koran. It was said by the Prophet Muhammad:
There is no love higher than respect.
And these ancient words will be relevant in our time. Love means respect and not trying to fool your partner. A loving person will never deny or manipulate what his partner saw.
You can consider a specific example illustrating this phrase. Let's imagine a situation where a girl caught a guy flirting with a waitress. A young man who loves her will not deny this or say that she imagined it. In this situation, he will simply sincerely ask for an apology.
Books about devotion
What true devotion is, sometimes you can only read about it in books where the author tries to convey this value to his reader. Devotion in Literary Works:
- «
Where dreams lead" R. Matheson. An impressive work in which the main character loves his wife so much that he is faithful to her as a soul, even after death and is ready to go and pull her out of hell, into which she ended up by committing suicide. A faithful and loving heart knows no boundaries of either time or space, and when everything is resolved successfully, two loving souls again want to feel devotion and love for each other in the next incarnation. - «
The unbearable lightness of being” by M. Kundera. Devotion can be different, in the mind of the surgeon Tomas, his sex life and love for his wife Teresa are diametrically opposed things, he does not consider that he is betraying his wife by making love with others. Teresa is saddened by this and she leaves Tomas, who only then realizes how much he loves his wife and he takes the path of devotion in its full sense, finding a happy relationship. - «
The Master and Margarita" M. Bulgakov. An immortal work, when in joy and sorrow, no matter in hell or heaven, without looking back at all the hardships and suffering endured, they are grateful to fate, they are together. - «
Three comrades" E.M. Remarque. The lives of these three men are closely intertwined, losses, sad moments, the exorbitant burden of war unites them, such books about devotion are like a breath of fresh air for the desperate, true friendship can give new meaning to existence, when there seems to be no reason to live. - «
Memory Diary" N. Sparks. This work could otherwise be called “What are love and devotion?” Mind-blowing love, sweeping away all barriers, until death, and for him it is the most beautiful, sometimes quiet despair consumes his soul and mind, because of her amnesia, but he has a memory diary, he is already a pleasant stranger for her, but she is with enjoys listening to his love story.
Love and selfishness
Aurelius Augustine, in his life quote, spoke about how love and selfishness are related:
Love for one's neighbor is limited by how much each person loves himself.
Selfishness and altruism, according to Aurelius Augustine, are in an inverse relationship. If a person is attentive to the object of his adoration, he or she will be able to sacrifice his or her interests. For example, giving in to quarrels, looking for a way out of the current situation.
What kind of devotion is there?
Devotion concerns different aspects of human life. Examples of devotion:
- marital devotion - loyalty to your soulmate;
- devotion to one's country is expressed in a sense of duty and patriotism, rejection;
- professional devotion - love and loyalty to one’s profession;
- personal devotion - a person is devoted to himself, his goals and does not allow himself to deviate from the intended path;
- religious devotion;
- devotion of animals, often dogs, to their owners.
Words from Mother Teresa
And this touching quote comes from Mother Teresa:
Love cannot be an end in itself, otherwise it loses all meaning.
These words call for the manifestation of altruism. A caring person tends to think not only about himself, but also about his neighbor. He will always show sympathy and provide signs of attention when his partner needs it. As a rule, such natures always listen to the opinion of their partner before making a decision on any issue. This shows concern for your loved one and their point of view.
If for a person love is an end in itself, and he revels in his feelings, there is no higher purpose in them.
What is loyalty?
So, according to Wikipedia, fidelity is a kind of violence against oneself in favor of some other object? How then to be true to yourself, your beliefs, your word? However, it is clear what to do - this is something external in relation to “one’s own” interests. And any sane person will renounce these nonsense as soon as they begin to contradict his “own interests,” right? “One’s own shirt is closer to the body”... But what then are these “own” interests?
Modern man thinks in terms of benefit, convenience, some benefit for himself, pleasure and satisfaction... This is what is considered to be his own interests. And from this position, all ideas and phenomena are assessed - and everything that interferes with the achievement of these goals can be recognized as “external” and discarded. There is no place for moral values or beliefs in this system. As advertising teaches us: “Don’t let yourself dry out!” At any cost... The interests of another person are taken into account only to the extent that it is beneficial to oneself - no more. We live in a world of loners, busy satisfying these “interests”.
Don't believe me? What about love? Love is generally understood as a pleasant feeling about an object. And when this exciting pleasure evaporates somewhere, it is announced that “love has passed” - and we set out to search for new sensations... At best, love is understood as care, but care is also for its own benefit . To illustrate this, I would like to quote a comment from one of my readers:
To make a person’s life pleasant is to do pleasant little things for a person, based on self-love (after all, it is more pleasant to live in a peaceful atmosphere). By making her husband's life pleasant, a woman at the same time makes her life pleasant: she realizes her need to do good deeds, which is inherent in every person; creates an atmosphere of goodwill in the family; evokes a reciprocal desire from the husband to please her too.
Yes, self-love is important and necessary, but why call it love for another when he is here only a means to satisfy his needs? The same situation is often observed in love for children - they are also “loved” for their own sake. That is why, apparently, there is no place for fidelity in our love - even in the strange sense that Wikipedia offers. No, I’m lying, there is such a love - it’s called “sacrificial” and it happens more often in relation to children.
Let's listen to the words “sacrifice your interests.” A victim is something very unpleasant and tragic. This is an infringement of oneself, which is not in vain - compensation is needed. And the donor always expects a return sacrifice - this is required by a sense of justice. At best, he compensates for his sacrifice with pride - and then he waits for recognition of his merits and his “nobility”... That is, here too the relationship does not go beyond the framework of mutual exchange: you - for me, I - for you.
The difficult art of love
This touching quote comes from Shel Silverstein:
How much trouble is there in an old door? Depends on how loud you closed it. How many slices are there in bread? Depends on how thin you cut it. How much good a day? Depends on how well you live. How much love is inside your soulmate? Depends on how much you give it.
The good that one person gives to another determines the depth of his feelings. People often call love something that has nothing to do with it. Determining the truth here is simple: this touching quote from Silverstein helps a lot. If another person receives only good things from their lover, these feelings can be called love.
If the relationship is filled with quarrels, suspicions, accusations and demands, there can be no talk of any true love. The one who loves is able to completely trust and not control his loved one. A loving person, as a rule, trusts his partner in everything and does not start looking for a trick out of nowhere. He will not check his cell phone every two minutes in the absence of its owner. To love means to respect, not to humiliate or insult. One who experiences tender feelings appreciates his beloved. He always gives him only good emotions.
Myths about sex that justify inability to be faithful
- The myth about polygamy of men , supposedly based on the animal world: the alpha male must fertilize the largest number of females - nothing can be done about it, instinct... Yes, in some species of animals such a picture is observed, but not in all. On what basis do we compare ourselves with these particular species - after all, there are stable pairs in the animal world? And again, since we are so natural, how can we “forget” about what the reproductive instinct serves in animals? Our polygamous men are not going to “impregnate” anyone - they are afraid like fire of these consequences of their supposed “instinct”.
- There is a theory about polygamy in women , based on the study of sperm behavior during conception. I can’t answer for how scientific it really is, but everything looks very scientific and convincing - with diagrams and micro-filming. According to this theory, “nature” programmed a woman’s intimacy with many men almost simultaneously - this creates the best conditions for natural selection. And who to believe?
- Another fairy tale: “sex is just sex, but in my soul I remain faithful . Very interesting! We can talk about the separation of the soul from the body only in one case - during physical death. But the person having sex is usually alive and well. Where does his soul go at this time? Does he leave her at home - next to her husband? And how does he exist without her - an inanimate body? We thought that zombies only exist in horror films... Do such miracles often happen to them? Or maybe these are not miracles - and his soul is always with him, it’s just that kind of soul..? A person who shamelessly uses another “as a torso” and reduces himself to the level of a “torso” simply does not love anyone and is not capable of loving. He cannot treat anyone differently than he treats himself. Of course, he treats his wife “more seriously” than his casual mistress - he uses her not only physically... But what does this change?
- the myth about the dangers of sexual abstinence for health if it weren’t so popular. To refute it, it is enough to remember monks and nuns of different religions, distinguished by excellent health and longevity, faithful wives who waited for years for their husbands from campaigns and faithful husbands on these campaigns... No one has yet died from abstinence. But in one case, abstinence can still lead to illness - in the case of belief in this harm and belief in a constant “sexual need”, regardless of the presence of a loved one. Then yes, harm cannot be avoided. Constantly getting excited at the sight of attractive “objects” and not giving vent to this excitement, you can really get sick - especially if you also suffer from this situation and feel sorry for yourself, deprived of the most important need...
Trust and comfort
The following touching quote about love sheds light on how loving and loved people should feel:
When someone truly loves you, being with them gives you a feeling of security and comfort.
Such relationships are only possible if they trust each other. To truly love means to be open to your neighbor, and also not to try to deceive or leave something out. A loving person will not evade truthful answers to the questions posed; he will be ashamed to lie. If there is complete frankness in a relationship, then such a relationship is built on absolute trust.
How is loyalty formed?
What is devotion and what does a devoted friend mean? Do you become a devoted person overnight? Devotion is a moral phenomenon that is formed in a child in the family. He adopts all those behavior patterns transmitted by his parents. If the father or mother has a friendly, faithful relationship with each other, the child, growing up, will also strive for this. Loyalty to one's country also comes from the family, how older family members treat their state, whether they strive to benefit society, all this lays the foundation for a person's devoted attitude towards everything that is dear to him.
Freedom and love
A beautiful saying belongs to the enlightened Indian master Osho:
If you can have freedom and love at the same time, you don't need anything else. You have everything - what life was given for.
Allowing your partner to have personal space is the most important quality. We must remember that every person has the right to personal freedom. To the extent possible, a loving person will allow his partner to be at a distance from himself. In addition, a loving person will never forbid his chosen one to spend time with friends.
After all, if a person has freedom, but does not have emotional attachment, such an existence cannot be called full-fledged. At the same time, having a relationship without freedom is also not acceptable. Osho's aphorism speaks of the importance of balance.
Films about devotion
Different facets of such a phenomenon as devotion can be seen in films about love between a man and a woman, strong friendship, and also where the main character passionately loves his job and profession. The very bright Indian film “Devotion” will be useful for young parents to watch. The dedication of a woman left without a husband and raising a child from him. The truest devotion is a mother's devotion to her child. Different aspects of devotion in films:
- «
Hachiko. The most faithful friend / Hachi: A Dog's Tale." Dogs are capable of deep devotion and love. The film evokes tenderness and a poignant feeling, the understanding that dogs can be nobler and more loyal than people. - «
Social Network / The Social Network". The aspect of dedication to one big cause, when life brings people together to realize something grandiose, is very well shown here. - «
The Lord of the Rings. A trilogy that leaves no one indifferent. Devotion and betrayal run like a red thread through all three films. Who would Frodo be without his devoted Sam, would he have completed his task? Devotion is always associated with strong shocks and trials. - «
The Great Gatsby. Jay Gatsby has succeeded in this life, he has everything except love, he carefully and devotedly keeps in his heart the image of his beloved, from whom he was once separated and who will cause the tragedy.
About devotion
Many will also be interested in quotes about devotion. They talk about how important fidelity is in relationships:
- “Loyalty is a virtue inherent in those who are about to be betrayed.” A. Beers.
- “Loyalty is in most cases a trick of self-love, the purpose of which is to gain confidence; it is a way to rise above other people and penetrate the most important secrets.” F. La Rochefoucauld.
- “A dog is so loyal that you don’t even believe that a person deserves such love.” Ilya Ilf.
- “He who does not value loyalty risks being betrayed.” Ilya Shevelev.
Is loyalty good or bad?
In order to understand the positive and negative aspects of devotion as a phenomenon, you need to understand that this is a moral value that is gradually being lost in modern times. If you have a devoted friend, this gives you ground under your feet; a person knows that he is not alone and can always count on help and support. Another option is if one of two friends is constantly in a hurry to help, the other simply takes advantage of it. One cannot say about devotion that it is bad; sometimes circumstances arise when devotion does not allow one to live a more fulfilling life, for example:
- The loss of a loved one forces a partner to decide to remain single for life and be faithful to memory.
- The mother, out of her devotion to the child, remains alone, avoiding relationships with other men, all her attention is completely absorbed by the child.
Fanatical Devotion
What could be nobler than to be dedicated to a cause, to be an ace in one's profession, or to show patriotic devotion to one's country. Such an extreme as fanaticism is an imbalance. What is devotion in its hypertrophied form? This is fanaticism. Here we can assume that ardent commitment, bordering on despotism and the imposition of one’s rightness, which should be one way and no other way, is akin to manic persistence. Fanatical devotion arises in a person when he uses all his strength and resources in one direction.
About understanding
These words belong to the Indian poet and writer Rabindranath Tagore:
When hearts are full of love and beat only from meeting to separation, a slight hint is enough to understand each other.
To truly love means to be able to listen and hear. One who experiences tender feelings is always ready to listen and support the object of his adoration. Even when the problem does not seem difficult at all. Also in true love, such a moment as mutual interest is important. Without it, understanding is hardly possible. Those who love show interest in their partner’s hobbies and activities. Even if a person is not interested in a particular hobby of his beloved, then in any case you need to ask how things are going with him.
What does devotion mean?
In modern perception, when asked what a devotee means, one can generally hear the description “reliable as a rock” - this is only one aspect, and it characterizes a man more. Devotion is characteristic not only of the male part of the population, but also of women (maternal, marital) and even animals. Devotion is an ethical and moral phenomenon, expressed in the stability of the individual in following his ideals and established norms in society and family, as a unit of society.
A devoted person – what is he like?
What does a devoted person mean? There are a lot of studies on this topic among schoolchildren and students, sociological surveys have revealed the following qualities of a person with a desire for devotion:
- reliability;
- sticking to your word;
- altruism;
- being true to yourself;
- sustainability;
- nobility.
What is devotion - an example from life
To understand what this phenomenon is, we can give an example from life on the topic of devotion. The medieval theosophist Pierre Abelard was very devoted to his studies of theology, but fate presents him with a test in the form of an ardent passion for the niece of Canon Fulbert - Heloise; reciprocity and intimacy arise between them, as a result of which Heloise became pregnant.
Fulbert, out of a sense of revenge, castrates Abelard and he is forced to enter a monastery as a simple monk. Heloise also chooses the spiritual path and remains devoted to Abelard. This story of devotion is very beloved by the French and is passed on as a hymn of love and devotion to subsequent generations. Pierre Abelard and Heloise personify the symbol of devotion of loving people to each other.
Love is like a beautiful garden
A touching quote comparing thoughts of love to a charming garden comes from Alfred Tennyson:
If I had a flower every time I thought of you, I could walk in a beautiful garden for the rest of my life.
For a loving person, even the thought of the object of his adoration is comparable to a beautiful flower. Anyone who experiences tender feelings will never show cruelty towards the object. Therefore, if something similar is present in a relationship, it is worth thinking about whether these feelings are love? Maybe there is much more desire for power and selfishness in them than true affection?
Touching quotes (moving me to tears)
These statements will appeal to those for whom love has turned into pain. They help you talk about your feelings on a social network. Or you can simply try to calm yourself down with the help of these words - after all, the presence of such aphorisms and sayings suggests that every person is not alone in his experiences:
- “The tear diamonds scattered randomly and mixed with warm rainwater. You didn’t say a word to me goodbye, my closest, my most beloved.” Natasha Koroleva.
- “Suffering is the tears with which our soul is washed.” Tatyana Egorovna Solovova.
- "Goodbye my love. Farewell my star. But in my heart I will probably be with you forever, and a tear will fall from the sky.” Oleg Miami.
- “I have to let her go. She won't come back. The distance is too great. I cannot climb those mountains that have grown between us.” Charles Martin from the film “The Mountains Between Us.”
The Problem of Loyalty
The problem of dedication to a profession clearly manifests itself when a person devotes his whole life to work and by the end of his life he realizes that he is old, sick and lonely, and this causes pain, forcing him to rethink his life. It turns out that being dedicated to a cause means forgetting about your needs and desires and, as a result, facing the merciless reality of loneliness and unfulfillment of yourself in other social roles and aspects.
