Who came up with these winged words
Some people believe that the famous expression “When we have, we don’t appreciate, but when we lose, we cry,” came up with a contemporary author, some poet who wished to remain anonymous. Actually, this is facilitated by the fact that many who like to dabble in versification introduce these words into their works without reference to the real author. Thus, they mislead the reader, who attributes this wise thought to the very poet from whom he first encountered it.
However, at first the phrase “Having, we do not value, but having lost, we cry” was used by playwright-vaudeville artist S. Solovyov in 1844. True, it sounded a little different: “What we have, we don’t keep; having lost it, we cry” and appeared as the title of one sensational performance in those years.
Who helped these words become famous?
Later, a decade later, already in 1854, this expression was used in the collection “Fruits of Thought” by Kozma Prutkov. It should be clarified that in fact this author did not exist as such. “Kozma Prutkov” was the pseudonym under which the Zhemchuzhnikov brothers Alexey, Alexander and Vladimir, as well as the poet Alexey Tolstoy, worked. Therefore, many are mistaken in attributing to them the words “When we have, we don’t value it, but when we lose, we cry.”
We now know who said this phrase first - Solovyov in his vaudeville. But she became famous thanks to the co-authors of “Fruits of Thought”. So we can consider that this wisdom has several “parents”.
The meaning of the words “When we have, we don’t value it, but when we lose, we cry”
There is a deep meaning hidden in this phrase. The words themselves can be applied to any aspect of human life. And the main thing is that people do not know how to appreciate their present, they always want more, which is why they curse what they own.
Speaking about what the saying means, we can recall the following caricature. A man complains that his sneakers are unfashionable. And walking past in a wheelchair is a man who has no legs at all. That is, having legs, few people think about what a great happiness this is. But having lost them, a disabled person fully understands how great it used to be to live, walk, and run, even if in unfashionable shoes.
Having become rich, a person often remembers his hungry student years with reverence. Yes, it was once difficult for him, he may even have considered himself a martyr, he wanted more. But, having received everything he dreamed of, for some reason a successful businessman becomes sad and cries about those years when there was no abundance of bread, but there was friendship, devotion, love, youth, and health.
If you lose, don’t cry, if you have, appreciate it
Often we don't appreciate what we have. We don’t develop the good that we have in ourselves, in our family, in our partner. We do not rejoice in what is given. We take it for granted until we lose it or feel the threat of losing it.
How often does it happen that there is something good in our lives, but we not only don’t even appreciate it, but we simply don’t notice it, we take it for granted. And, as a rule, only when we lose it do we begin to regret. This often happens in relationships between a man and a woman.
Quite a lot of letters come in saying that at one time a woman did not appreciate what a man does for her. I didn’t notice how he tries, does something for his family and for his beloved. And many people write how
were constantly dissatisfied with their loved one, no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried. In response to any of his actions they were only unhappy, and now...
Various options are described, either the family is in the process of divorce, or the man withdraws into himself, or leaves altogether. And then the woman understands how wonderful her husband was, how hard he tried, how he did everything possible, and sometimes impossible, for the family and for her, for his woman.
Why don’t we appreciate our men when we have them, but when we lose them, we begin to cry and regret what we can’t get back? Why don’t you listen to many ladies, and “that’s not how a man does this,” “and here he’s not like that,” “and in this he’s not like that,” and how many other unflattering epithets can you hear. So why does this happen? Why are many women always unhappy with everything their partner does? And only when she loses her loved one does she begin to realize not only and not so much him, but her mistakes and delusions.
The first reason, which is also the main one, is that in her youth the girl drew in her imagination a specific image of what “an ideal husband should be.” As Irina Kravchuk, the author of wonderful articles in the wedding section on our website “Sunny Hands,” says, the girl is waiting for “a prince on a white horse and with a basin on his head.” And so that this prince would be ideal in all areas: he would look after him beautifully, he would give compliments, he would give flowers all his life, he would be brave, romantic, athletic, and always rich, at least B. Gates. At the same time, he would help around the house, and most importantly, he would always understand the intricate psychology of women. In general, everything and even more, and all in one bottle.
But real life is completely different and very far from girls’ fantasies. When fantasy meets real life, what happens is what happens. Namely, disappointment, and as a result, dissatisfaction with demands to change here and here.
It is quite easy to establish this reason. You need to understand that that image
which you invented, would be inspired by fairy tales, novels, communication with girlfriends who also dreamed of the “ideal” man.
No one argues that dreams are useful. But dreams should also be realistically achievable, and not just a fantasy. If dreams prevent us from finding happiness, the question immediately arises: are such dreams necessary? Any man, even the good and wonderful one, will not make you happy if he constantly competes with the image you have imagined.
In addition, as the practice and experience of both mine and many of my friends have shown, the man of your dreams, who beautifully speaks beautiful compliments, almost on the first day of meeting you assures you of your originality and uniqueness, showers you with gifts and double-digit SMS messages, will not make you happy in your family life.
I don’t know why, apparently the law of compensation is at work, but very often excellent husbands come out of silent people who not only do not know how to look after beautifully, but also how to properly connect two words.
Therefore, it is better to forget the fictitious image, stop comparing your real man with him and begin to carefully evaluate his actions and actions.
By stopping comparing your partner to a non-existent ideal, you will stop constantly criticizing him and learn to appreciate him for who he is, both with his shortcomings and his strengths. At the same time, you will begin to notice everything that he does for you and your relationship. He may not shower you with a million roses, but at the same time he earns money, provides an apartment, everything for the house, everything for the family, and at the same time he is faithful and reliable, although he is silent. Well, who is not without flaws?
Or, let’s say, instead of gifts, fur coats, cars, etc., you save for an apartment so that your family can move away from your parents.
Or instead of singing songs with a guitar under the window and waking up the neighbors, he always meets you from work so that you don’t have to walk along dark streets.
You never know what your man does. You will begin to notice all this when you say goodbye to your fictitious image and start living with a real person and appreciating what he does.
The second reason , no less important: the relationship between a woman and a man is often influenced by the relationship that the parents had. If you do not work through and change your parental programs, then often a woman simply repeats the fate of her mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, etc. She behaves towards a man in exactly the same way as her mother behaved towards her father.
You can often observe the same facial expressions, hear similar words, see the same attitude towards husbands (or towards men in general) in both mothers and daughters.
If you want happiness in your family, but your parents are unhappy, then often your desire alone is not enough. Despite the strong desire, the relationship programs imprinted from childhood will take their toll. Therefore, it is necessary to form new programs and beliefs, simultaneously erasing the old ones. I wrote in detail about how to do this in the book “What Happy Women Are Silent About, or How to Make a Man Get Off the Couch.” I recommend not only reading, but also doing the suggested exercises. Although even just reading will help you see yourself from the outside and understand where you yourself live, and where your mother seems to live for you, only in your body. Read about how to rewrite parental relationship scripts in my first book, “What Happy Women Are Silent About, or How to Make a Man Get Off the Couch.”
Reason three. Misunderstanding of male psychology.
Often, it is the lack of understanding of how men work, the lack of understanding of their thinking, jokes, behavior, that is the reason why many promising relationships, and sometimes even families, collapse. And even if they don’t collapse, they don’t bring as much happiness and satisfaction as they could if the woman understood the psychology of men a little better.
How can a lack of understanding of male psychology negatively affect relationships? Yes, very simple. The man joked in his own, masculine way, but the woman did not understand, was offended, or even burst into tears.
The man did something that he thought the woman would like, for example, he jumped out from around the corner with a loud growl, and the woman got scared, at best, she thought that “some idiot got to me.” And at worst, she was offended and they even quarreled because the man wanted to please her in this way.
Over the course of a life together, a cartload of such examples can accumulate, and not a small cart at all. Therefore, you need to understand why a man does this or that action.
Or, for example, a woman does not know about such a feature of the structure of the male brain as focusing on only one thing. And although there are a lot of jokes about this, that men only have one hemisphere developed, in fact, they don’t really understand how this affects relationships. But it does have an impact. When a man is focused on one thing, it doesn’t matter what, even if he’s peeling potatoes, or reading a newspaper, or talking on the phone, you don’t need to think that he can hear what you’re saying at that time. A man may even say something in response, for example, “Uh-huh,” but this does not mean that he really hears the woman.
As a result, it turns out that the woman thinks that he has heard everything and expects from him what he promised her. The man, of course, did not hear anything, and after a while the woman becomes offended, then makes claims, and then a quarrel is not far off. And the man, according to the woman, “pretends” that he is hearing this for the first time. And in this situation there is no right and wrong. There is only misunderstanding and ignorance of male psychology and thinking.
So, study, master, find out. The best way to read articles and books about men is by the men themselves. Read our section on the website “Sunny Hands” Psychology of men. Rashid Kirranov’s book “How to make a man fall in love with you for life? or Don’t run after a Man, let Him run after you”
. And become happier. And don’t think that all men are ....., because this is not true. For the most part, men are just men, they are not to blame for the fact that they are like this sometimes, in our female opinion, to put it mildly, but oh well, in general, you understand me. So study their psychology, remember some nuances and features, and everything in your life will begin to change for the better.
If you still have questions, you can get advice from the author of articles and books, A. Guy. Click on the link to find out more.
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Love while you love!
This catchphrase also applies to human relationships. Children often quarrel with their parents, do not listen to their instructions, and offend them with their rude words. Many consider themselves deeply unhappy because, in their opinion, they inherited “ancestors” who did not understand them. Growing up, children understand that there is no one closer to their parents in the whole world. Only by that time the mother and father already become old, sick, exhausted due to troubles in the families, the initiators of which were the children themselves.
And sometimes you have to feel how difficult it is without a mother or father, how strong their devotion and love is already in adolescence or even childhood. And then the teenagers will curse themselves a thousand times for not taking care of the relationships that were given to them by nature, for not appreciating the happiness they received.
How many calls do we hear from adult daughters and sons to take care of our loved ones! We hear, but we always take it to heart. Many consider parental devotion obligatory, take it for granted, and do not value it.
Quotes about the death of a loved one
Surviving such a test as the death of a loved one is not easy. It seems that the ground is disappearing from under your feet when you realize that there is nothing you can do to help. It becomes even more painful when you realize that you will never see your own eyes again, you will not be able to feel the warmth of your own hands, you will not hear your own voice.
Filling the emptiness in your soul seems completely impossible. Even if the pain subsides over time, it will not go away completely. The memories only make it hurt even more. You will find some comfort in the quotes collected on this page. And it will become easier to survive the grief.
Not renounce loving!
Spouses who have long been accustomed to each other cease to enjoy their family relationships. So many stupid jokes have been written on this topic! Husbands call their wives cobras and snakes, and in return they reward their other halves with no less colorful epithets, calling them goats, rams and other words. The conversation is about the most ordinary married couples, in which there are no special problems - only the fading of passion. And it seems that separation should make them both happier, but no. This is where former lovers understand that losing a spouse is tantamount to spiritual death.
The same applies to friends and lovers who think that everything that is happening now is not serious, not so valuable. Therefore, disagreements and misunderstandings often occur between close people. And only after the breakup do people begin to understand how important their previous connections were for them. But, unfortunately, it is not always possible to restore lost relationships.
With the light hand of poets
Poems have this peculiarity - to figuratively and briefly express the essence of reflections on life. Therefore, two lines often contain very capacious thoughts and conclusions that a thinking poet comes to. This is how modern sayings about life appear, which are included in our speech.
“It’s impossible to run away from yourself, no matter how fast you run!”; “It’s not a sin to laugh at something that seems funny!”; “Shaming a fool, joking with a fool and arguing with a woman is the same as drawing water with a sieve. God deliver us from these three!”
Often lines from fables become sayings and proverbs. It is they, being the moral of this short work, that reveal many aspects of human passions, shortcomings, and mistakes. In this regard, the fabulist Krylov probably takes the lead.
Memory defense mechanism
The memory preserves the image of the deceased, which is not by chance called “bright”. The human psyche has a number of defense mechanisms, one of which is blocking memories that cause negative emotions.
When people remember deceased loved ones, the memory “throws up” mostly positive moments. That is why the son does not remember how he quarreled with his mother - he remembers how she caressed him as a child, how she took care of him.
By blocking negative memories of the deceased and remembering mostly pleasant episodes from the past, a person begins to appreciate the deceased more than during life.
